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Why Narcissists Want To Control ALL the MONEY · The Mental Healness Podcast

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Why do narcissists want to control all the money?
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I mean all of the money, even if it's not theirs.
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You can have a bum narcissist that sits at home on their ass
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all day and you make all the money and they want to control
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your money as well. They'll make you feel bad about
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not giving them your money even though they can work as well,
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even though they can generate their own income.
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Why does this happen? Why do narcissists have to
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control the money? That's what we talked about
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today, y'all. If you're new here, my name is
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Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist here
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to give you the inside look at the mind of a narcissist.
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Welcome to another episode of the Narcissist Code.
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Let's get it. Hey, welcome back, everybody.
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Welcome back. Welcome back to one of the last
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episodes of The Narcissist Code. I think I told you all this
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before, we're transitioning to the mental illness podcast here
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pretty soon. The podcast is launching 8
1:12
interviews recorded getting that launched here pretty soon.
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But yeah, yeah, the topic at hand today is why narcissists
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control the money. Money, money, money, money,
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money, money, money, money from Toy Story.
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Money, money, money, money. Narcissistic people have to have
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to, in our minds, control the finances mainly because it makes
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us feel worthy. As simple as that.
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Controlling the finances in the household can make a
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narcissistic person feel worthy. Even even if they don't
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contribute to those finances. Seriously, Even if they don't
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contribute to the finances, even if they don't offer you
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anything, even if they have nothing to give, they want to
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control the money. Because a lot of times
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narcissistic people and that this is just not narcissist, of
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course rock. But a lot of time narcissistic
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people attribute money to personal value.
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So if I don't have any money to control, if I have no finances
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to control, then me in my mind, I have no personal value.
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I attack myself. I feel less worthy because I
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don't have it right. So if you dealt with a
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narcissist, you know exactly what I'm saying.
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They feel less worthy when they don't have any money, when they
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don't have any type of money, Nothing to hold onto, nothing to
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flash, nothing. No, no flash, no nothing.
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That's what they do that that type of stuff right there.
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Y'all They have to control it because it makes them feel some
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way, shape or form. I saw somebody said a woman, a
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broke woman is the worst narcissist.
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I would you get a broke woman that could be a worst
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narcissist, but you get some broke bum ass men too broke.
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You can have some broke bum ass trans folks right?
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It don't matter. Your gender does not matter when
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it comes to being a narcissist. You can be narcissistic
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transgender person to be out here to be a horrible fucking
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person. You can do that.
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You see what I'm saying? That's what goes on right there.
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Yeah, we get some broke women that get on your damn nerves.
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They take advantage of you. They just manipulate the steam
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off of you. But that gender, gender don't
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matter right there. Like, I feel you.
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Your personal experience is probably with a narcissistic
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woman. And I'm not trying to diminish
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your experience at all because they will get to your damn
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nerves and they will ruin your damn life, I promise you.
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But that's a piece of it. That's a part of dealing with a
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narcissistic person right there. They feel entitled to the money,
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right? They feel entitled to it.
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That I'm telling you. That's another part of it.
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The entitlement, of course. The of course narcissistic
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people feel like having more money, it makes them feel more
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worthy, but they also feel entitled to it as well.
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Y'all over here? Y'all ever heard this?
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The phrase your my money is my money, but your money is my
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money. Mines is mines, but yours is
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ours. That's a a narcissist.
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I'm pretty sure a narcissist created that phrase right there.
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Yeah, I'm pretty sure they did. I'm pretty sure they did.
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I'm pretty sure they created that phrase right there just to
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be able to manipulate people, just to be able to come out
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there and just get on people's damn nerves and mess with
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people. Says I promise you that they
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did. But that's the mentality that
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you have to go up again. That's the mentality that you're
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that you're up against somebody that feels entitled to your
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money just because they're with you.
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Now this could be a narcissistic partner, but it can also also be
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a narcissistic child, one of your children, adult children,
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teenage children. It could also be and this might
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get y'all right here. You can have a narcissistic
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parent that tell tells you that they sacrificed to raise you,
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that they did all this stuff for you and they also feel entitled
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to your money. Gotcha dinner.
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I know they right there struck a nerve for some people are like
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Lee, what the hell did you just say?
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Because that's what I went through.
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I thought nobody would ever talk about that right there.
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I talked about that. I never thought anybody would
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talk about that right there, right?
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I never thought they would. A narcissistic parent will
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absolutely feel entitled to you, to your money, because they they
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raise you and they felt if they follow hard times, they just
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feel like you need you. You owe me.
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You are indebted to a narcissistic person right there,
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right? You are indebted to a
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narcissistic person. They birthed you and raised you.
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That's what I'm saying right here.
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What about the ones that make you feel dependent upon them?
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Yes, that make you dependent upon them.
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Yeah. Financial control with
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narcissists. When people talk about financial
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control with narcissists, they're typically talking about
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the ones that use their money to control you, that make you a
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stay at home parent. They make you quit your job just
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so they to help them, to help raise the kids so that they can
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chase their dreams, chase their career, build this big business.
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And then when the big business is built, they bounce.
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There's a lot of that's an alliteration for your ass,
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wouldn't it? When the big business is built,
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they bounce all those bees, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
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blah. When the big business is built,
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they bounce. They biggity, biggity bounce.
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You see what I'm saying? They do that type of stuff right
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there and then they leave. They leave you to abandon you
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order or, or they don't always just abandon you.
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They consistently threaten to abandon you to get you in line,
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right? They consistently tell you, hey,
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if you don't act the right, I'm going to leave you.
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And you haven't worked in 10 years.
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So who's going to hire you? You're dependent upon me.
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You have to depend on me. And they would, like I said,
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they will make you they they will give you.
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Imagine being an adult and your partner gives you an give you an
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allowance. Now there's a difference between
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a budget and an allowance, right?
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Sometimes when people budget, it was like this is the amount of
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money that we are allowed to spend this month because we're
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going to be broke if we spend over over this an allowance and
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controlling narcissists will give you an allowance to make
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you feel, to infantilize you, to make you feel like a child, to
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put you in your place, to show you that who to show you who's
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in charge. They'll give you an allowance.
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Here's 5 bucks. Don't spend it out.
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Don't spend it all in one place, kid, kid, I'm 40.
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Huh, $5? That's the barely a gallon of
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gas. What the hell are you talking
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about? You see what I'm saying?
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This this where it goes right there, Laura.
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Laura said I bought everything for him to start his own
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business. And now I'm glad he was too lazy
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to ever start. Oh, did the business fail?
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Oh, did the business fail? They'll cut so they'll in order.
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When you get narcissistic people that you that you like I said
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you support, they'll take your money.
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But they like some of them just not ambitious.
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Sometimes they have these, sometimes they have the
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delusions of grandeur. They try to convince you that
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they will build whatever they that they say they're going to
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do. Right there.
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Right. He never started.
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Oh, he never started. OK, Said Julie said my ex
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couldn't keep a job. She couldn't control the
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workplace at every job she got, she got and ended up quitting.
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Yeah, that's how it goes right there.
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Narcissistic people, even when they have the opportunity to
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make more money right there, they'll just quit jobs they
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don't like, be they don't like. They want to be their own
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bosses, but they are hard. They can be horrible people.
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So imagine working for your boss when you hate your boss because
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you hate yourself. You see what I'm saying?
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That's when you dig deeper beneath the surface of a
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narcissistic mindset. That's where it goes right
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there. You get these narcissistic
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people. They want to control the
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finances. They want to have the delusions
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of grandeur to make a lot of money, and they don't make a lot
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of money. And then they attach their worth
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to money. And then when they when they
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don't have money, they've get fall into a depression.
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He did the romance scam on me. Oh yeah, sometimes they'll scam
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you all your money. You can have these gold digging.
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You can have a gold digging narcissistic person, y'all.
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And notice I said person, because not every not every gold
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digger is a woman. I know you hear when you hear
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gold digger, you think about a young woman with an old, an old
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ass man or something like that. Whatever.
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You can have a man that digs gold on a woman or another man,
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right? You can they can go dig on
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another man, right? They'll scam you, they'll make
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you fall in love with them to take care of them and then
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they'll just scam you all your money or yeah, sometimes you
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need the romance scam from people and other from
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narcissistic people in other countries.
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They'll have a long distance love.
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They'll make you fall in love with them long distance to get
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to get that. Try to get that citizenship and
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they'll bounce on you. I've talked to people one-on-one
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over Zoom that have had that happen to them.
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Like Lee. I met this man online.
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Love bomb the shit out of me came back, came, came over to
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America, got here, got married soon as we got married, that was
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on my ass and refused to refuse to divorce me because sometimes
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y'all, I think the law is that certain certain laws, it might
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be federal law, but certain state laws.
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I know at least if you bring somebody over from another
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country and you like sign for their green card or whatever
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their their immigration paperwork, you're responsible
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for that person for like 10 years.
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So if y'all have a long distance love in a different country, you
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responsible for that bastard If you bring them over here, I
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promise you might want to think about think twice before you
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marry somebody from over there. You're responsible for you know
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what I mean? You are absolutely responsible
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and that's what ends up happening.
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They'll they'll bounce your ass and then you end up having to
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still have to take care of them and support them even if they
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leave. So think about that.
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You break. Hey, hey, I'm not trying to get
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y'all to leave them. Now look, I'm just telling you.
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I'm not saying he gave me the promise of marriage and lived in
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my house. That's what happens y'all.
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I'm telling you they'll future affect the hell out of you as
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well. But the narcissistic person,
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y'all, even when they don't have money, like I was mentioning
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earlier, they still want control of yours.
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They still want the access of yours.
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They still will make you feel bad about not spending money on
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them, right? Even if they're able bodied,
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even if they have their own money, they will still try to
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save theirs and spend yours. And then once they have all
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yours spent, they'll bounce on your ass.
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They want to control the money. The money makes them feel in
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control, especially when they're controlling your money as well
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or controlling the money that they give to you.
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That's why I said, if I say, let's say, let's just say I'm an
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abusive, controlling narcissist, right?
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And I control, I make the money. You're a stay at home parent.
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You can't just leave me. You could, right?
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But a lot of times they've made him, we've I've made it more
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difficult for you to just leave me.
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You can't just up and leave because I made it more difficult
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for you to do that. Now you have to go to the
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courthouse to divorce me. Now you have to find out.
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Now you have to. When you move out, you have to
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find somewhere else to go. You can't just move out.
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You can't just leave. You have my kids.
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You can't just move anywhere you want to.
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You can't just move anywhere you want to move.
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But that's what ends up happening.
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You see what I'm saying? That's what ends up happening so
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many times to narcissistic people.
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Like they want to control you with the money so you can't
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leave them. It's a, it becomes a safety
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blanket for them to keep you stagnant, to keep you right
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where you are. So you need to protect your
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peace when you're dealing with people like this.
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I'm just telling you, look, I'm not saying, I'm just saying
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that's the way it goes in these situations.
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Seriously, my husband took $45,000 out of the proceeds of
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the sale of my of my premarital home to invest in his new
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business on my behalf. Now I own equity in a company
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that is O300K in debt. He is now divorcing me and
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claiming that I owe him half the company that Oh damn.
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So I I'm not a lawyer but I would talk to a lawyer about
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that right there. They can set you up.
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They start these businesses and they start these businesses when
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y'all married. My debt is your debt.
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Just like my income is your income.
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My debt is your debt, Boo. You always seen the movie.
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I think it was Anchorman 2 when Kristen Wiig married Steve
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Carell in her in her vows. She's like with the with with
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with you brick. You get my crippling student
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loan debt and something else. She was talking about her debt
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like she she told she told Steve Carell, you got crippling loan
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debt, crippling student loan debt when you married me.
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So thank you. Thanks for marrying me.
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So sometimes you need to do right there.
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Trump needs to deport his narcissistic people.
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If Trump were to deport narcissistic people, he would be
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the captain of the ship. Trump would be the captain of
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the ship being deported. Yeah, Trump deport narcissist.
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He would be the captain with the fucking hat on sell in the way
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to not come back. So I don't think, I don't think
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he'll be doing that pretty soon. Speak the truth.
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I love listening to you. That's what I do.
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That's what I try to do right there.
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That's why that's what I try to do.
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My husband waited until my dad passed away.
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Then he completely changed. Yeah, that's what ends up
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happening right there. They they look narcissist cannot
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handle grief very well. Yeah, they cannot handle grief
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well at all. Yeah, if Trump were to deport
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the narcissist the people, he would be the captain of the ship
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and most of the politicians in America would be the the fucking
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second mate, the crew mates. Most of the politicians would be
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the crew mates on the ship. They would be selling away.
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We we wouldn't have a government.
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We wouldn't have a functioning government right there, because
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most of the narcissist motherfuckers are in there in
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the Congress. But anyways, y'all, I do need to
14:29
hop off this thing check out. Like I said, I do my still do my
14:33
one on ones to resume mentalillness.net for all my one
14:36
to ones over Zoom, all the other good stuff, my coaching, my
14:39
courses, everything is at mentalillness.net.
14:42
Make sure y'all check out the site, make sure y'all see it and
14:45
'cause I had to help with this thing, y'all, if you want to be
14:48
on the podcast, check out my website as well.
14:50
Y'all hit the subscribe button if you haven't already.
14:53
And as always, y'all, as always, peace.