Latest / Millennial Mustard Seed / S7 295. Tee Jay Henderson - The Unexpected Link Between Body Memory, Trauma, & Spiritual Warfare Nobody Shared Before

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S7 295. Tee Jay Henderson - The Unexpected Link Between Body Memory, Trauma, & Spiritual Warfare Nobody Shared Before · Millennial Mustard Seed

• 0:00
  Hi there, My name is TJ Henderson and welcome to the
• 0:04
  Millennial Mustard Seed podcast. TJ, great to have you here with
• 0:09
  me. It's good, good to join you,
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  Rod. As we were just talking off air
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  a couple minutes ago, there really is a ministry that God
• 0:20
  has been birthing and opening up through various different
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  individuals for what's happened to them, their testimonies,
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  things that they've experienced that they can't quite put words
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  to or they don't always remember.
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  And this is something that's been growing in the Kingdom.
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  And so once I discovered what you were doing and you released
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  a book just a couple years ago that has a lot to do with this
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  journey, I was like, yes, you're an excellent fit for the
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  audience and and the body of Christ.
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  And so it's an honor to have you with me.
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  So these. Stories.
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  These well, these stories are important because we're not
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  alone. And so I'll just ask you to
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  introduce yourself and kind of tell us, you know, a little bit
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  of your back story. Let's do like a 30,000 foot view
• 1:14
  or whatever, right? Let's just get into it if we can
• 1:16
  hit the ground running. And you also wrote a book, so
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  feel free to walk us into that. An overview of what that
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  consists of. Yeah, my life is been quite a
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  journey with Jesus. Of course, I didn't grow up in a
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  Christian home. I grew up in a home that was
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  more of what I would call a duelist.
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  So, you know, more of a public persona.
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  And then obviously what was going on behind deceptive veils.
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  I grew up with horses, grew up mostly in in ranch country in
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  Nebraska. We moved here when I was 5.
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  So I've lived here for quite some time.
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  But those first five years of my life held a lot, and some of it
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  I'm still exploring. Some of it the Lord has opened
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  my eyes to either through dreams or through a flashback or
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  sometimes you will float me a a memory.
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  So those this first five years of my life, I lived in Colorado,
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  born in Fort Collins, Co of all places.
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  You know my my journey with Jesus has been very
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  unconventional. It's we we raised our kids in
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  church when they were grade school, junior high high school.
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  And then then we began to he just called us outside of the
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  church walls and began us on this deep healing journey after
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  our son made a phone call to a radio station that shook up our
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  lives, touched people around the world, continues to touch people
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  around the world. That was in in 2007.
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  So I've, you know, I've lived kind of a secluded life.
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  We live on a, on a ranch. It's very secluded.
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  And so I, I spend, I spend a lot of time with, with Jesus.
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  I spend a lot of time sitting in his presence, asking him
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  questions. I've had to do a lot of learning
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  to get myself and my family free because I was tethered to so
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  much darkness. I mean about every kind of
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  spiritual bondage you can think of.
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  Rod I have had to get free from and, and, and Gad has been
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  faithful. He's been so faithful, my
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  goodness, to send the next person or the next medical
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  health treatment along I've had. He's healed me of a fair amount
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  of health issues, not to mention the mental emotional issues and
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  the spiritual bondages that were fast and wide that most pastors,
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  counselors don't even know how to touch.
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  So he, he would always send the next, the next step, the next
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  person. And you know, I've been from the
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  West Coast almost to the East Coast and a few places in
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  between and my, my journey getting well.
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  And a large part of that is been from 2018 forward.
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  So there's a, a good chunk of those years that since 2018,
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  I've spent intense amount of time getting more physical
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  healing, emotional healing, spiritual healing.
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  And then I, I, I was still, I had healed quite a bit after I
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  did story work, DID work, spiritual deliverance work.
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  And, and the man that walked us through my family and I through,
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  through deliverance. He, he was a dear man who, you
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  know, came out of the church, foundational church, and he
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  began, he was also a counselor and he, he began to realize
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  that, that, that, that people were not getting free.
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  And so, you know, the Lord gave him this basic biblical
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  Christian deliverance. And so we, we, he had come out
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  here and do deliverance for people in the area and people
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  that would come in. And that was a part of God
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  beginning to touch other people's lives through, through
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  our journey and story. But there was one point in my
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  journey, Rod, that I, I began to go, OK, there's some demonic
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  that keeps showing back up. So what's, what's going on?
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  And why do they keep coming back?
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  And this was largely before I had much memory of my story.
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  And so I, I called him one day and I said, hey, I'm beginning
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  to suspect satanic ritual abuse in, in my story somewhere in my
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  generational line. And I said, do you know how to
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  deal with that? Do you know how to help people
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  get free from it? And he's like, no, no, I don't.
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  And this is this is the counselor that you were talking
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  about. You called him with this
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  question and. I did.
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  He was like, no, I don't. I don't know what what you're
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  talking about. And and he's the one that came
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  up with the the basic Christian biblical deliverance.
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  You know, where you he addressed the demons and he, he just, he
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  was solid in it. You know, he didn't, he had a
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  process where he wouldn't, he wouldn't let him manifest.
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  He used the name and the authority of Jesus Christ and he
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  would name them and command them to go and walk you through a
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  bit, you know, of your own story, a bit of your own
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  testimony as he did that. But but it was just probably
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  more scratching the surface. But one of the things in that
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  process, Rod, was I, I had had a good teaching of the Bible,
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  learned it with my kids when as we took them to church, I
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  learned Scripture and had a pretty solid knowledge of
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  Scripture and God's teaching and the finished work of Jesus
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  Christ and the, the abundant life that we were promised in
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  him. But I had never stepped into the
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  waters of, you know, the prophetic or seeing in the
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  spirit And it, it wigged me out. It's like, OK, I, I realize I'm
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  beginning to realize the deception I have come from and
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  what I've grown up with. And I don't want anything to do
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  with any kind of deception. So I I went into that
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  deliverance going, God, I know you brought me here.
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  I know you led me here and I'm trusting you.
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  I'm trusting you. And I sat down in that seat and
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  my husband beside me. We were in West Virginia and I
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  wanted to leave so bad. Everything with it took
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  everything within me to sit still.
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  I mean, the, the fear, the what, what am I doing?
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  But the moment that one of the women on the deliverance team,
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  she, she began to cry. And the counselor, he said to
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  her, what, what, what do you see?
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  And of course, I'm still learning what a seer is.
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  I'm still learning what seeing in the spirit is.
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  And as she's crying, she says, I see a multitude of darkness
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  behind her, too many to count. And in that moment, Rod, I knew
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  somebody named what I had lived under my entire life.
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  Yeah. And so it, it, it, it's those
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  moments like that and my, my journey, my story.
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  And I may not have given you enough of my 30,000 foot view of
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  my life story. I tend to like the jump to the
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  parts where his presence started showing up and began really
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  changing my life. And they're the easier parts to
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  talk about when we start to realize he's intervening on our
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  behalf, that we are a sheep who has gone astray.
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  And here comes the shepherd. I mean, so the, you know, you're
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  talking about when you're you're encountering a seer for the
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  first time in West Virginia and they're saying multitude of
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  darkness layered on behind you. Fascinating.
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  Now, you did mention a little bit ago a lot happened at five
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  years old, right? So when did you start to have
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  memories? Around what age were you and how
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  did those memories start to come in?
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  I just want to clarify that we don't have to spend a terrible
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  lot of time there, but I think it's a sure.
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  Sure. So there's a difference between
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  cognitive memory or conscious memory and body memory, because
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  the body always keeps the score. Always.
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  And if you haven't, if your listeners haven't read that
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  book, they need to read it by Was it Doctor Vander Kolk?
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  The Body Keeps the Score. The body keeps the score.
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  It absolutely does. My God.
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  Come on, let's go. Yeah, so I had, I definitely had
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  body memory and reactions all of my life.
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  Didn't know that, but had those all my life.
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  Didn't have context for them. Had PTSD symptoms all my life,
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  but I didn't start having what I would call flashback memory
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  until my kids were babies. So my first child had two
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  children, my first child at when they both were babies, I would,
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  I started having flashbacks of satanic ritual flashbacks.
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  And it, and it was just, it was, it was a brief flash.
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  And it was also, it had a tormenting effect to it.
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  Like I felt like it was that, that when that flash would come
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  that it was prompting me to do something very dark.
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  And it scared me. Like I wouldn't tell anybody
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  because I'm like, Oh my gosh, if I tell anybody this, they're
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  going to take my child. They're going to.
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  Who knows what they're going to do to me?
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  How old were the kids if you don't mind me asking?
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  When these flashbacks started. To show they were some it was my
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  first child and he was a baby when when that started
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  happening. TJ that is so fascinating is
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  just as a caveat. Let me throw this out real
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  quick. There's research that talks
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  about the decision making and bloodline, the legacies that we
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  come from, right, That there's information that has passed from
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  the mother's eyes to the children's eyes.
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  So when the child is born and they're young and the mother's
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  gazing into the eyes of the child.
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  And many cultures, let me just throw this out too.
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  There's many notable cultures throughout history that would
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  not let anybody look into the newborn child's eyes up until
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  six months old, other than hand picked caretakers and the mother
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  and the father. So there's spiritual research.
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  I should say I wouldn't, you know, pseudoscience would would
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  tend to agree with this to an extent.
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  But there is information genetically, memory from
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  ancestors and even things that we've done and that's happened
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  to us that gets passed on. So I'm sorry, the reason I had
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  to ask you what age is because I'm starting to think when the
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  body keeps the score and that, you know, we're body, soul and
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  spirit. So there's a part of us that if
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  we are transferring this information as it's reliable
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  resources say to the eyes of our children, maybe some of that is
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  actually flashing back at that point in time in your journey
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  it. Would make sense.
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  Yeah. And I mean they, you know, I
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  would try to push them away. I would use Scripture or I
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  would, and they just when they would come, they were so heavy
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  and bothersome that I, I finally went to our pastor.
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  So, you know, Baptist conservative, he, he actually
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  handled it well. And he said, you know, I think
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  you probably need to get some counseling, some counsel.
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  He said, I'm not sure how to help you.
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  So I, I began that that process when my kids were were little,
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  began the process of Christian counseling.
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  But goodness, Roddy, it wouldn't be until I mean, sadly, you
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  know, I, I, I wished I could say that when my children were
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  little, I began to know everything about my parents and
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  their grandparents and and I did not, I did not it was craftily
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  hidden. I did not know what had happened
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  to me. And yeah, so it wouldn't be till
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  our our kids were young teenagers that we began to
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  realize what was what was going on.
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  So I was probably, I know 2018 is when I began having more
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  substantial memory of, of, of what had happened to me.
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  But it was a very, very tedious, gradual process.
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  So it was a, you know, it was AI was in counseling by 15 years
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  before. And you know, when I look back
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  on those years and I, I went through a time of, of just my
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  heart broken and heavy and almost bitter of, of God, I was
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  seeking and these counselors didn't have a clue.
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  You know, Christian counselors did not have a clue.
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  They, they couldn't recognize the debris that was there.
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  And I, I went to, she was a pretty well known Christian
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  psychologist. She had worked with Focus on the
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  Family for a few years. She was a psychologist of
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  Christian athletes. She knew, she knew her stuff and
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  I, I worked with her for six years.
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  I went my first meeting with her was in person and I spent like a
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  four day, five day intensive with her.
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  And when I left that intensive, she said in the least, you have
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  been psychologically sexually abused and likely sexually
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  abused. But you know, all the rest of
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  the degree she didn't, she didn't have, you know, she
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  couldn't see it, didn't have context for it.
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  And granted, the programmed front they put on me was so well
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  programmed it it would have been hard for others to to break that
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  without having some context for the back story.
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  Wow, OK, so I think we're good. We're definitely going to keep
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  going into your story, but I do want to like pause at certain
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  points and maybe ask you specific questions about some of
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  the lingo, the language that we're using, right, Programming.
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  For example, I have this question on what your thoughts
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  are with this amnesia because it's almost like our identity is
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  stolen from us, right? Like we're we're coming into
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  this world. The scriptures are very clear.
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  God foreknew the prophet. He knitted the prophet together
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  in his mother's womb. The prophet was sent in.
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  You know, we're born from above when we accept the Lamb of God
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  in pureness of heart. So there's a new thing birth in
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  US, right. But what is what are your
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  thoughts on this amnesia part? Because many of us are waking up
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  to wait, there's more. Where did that memory come from?
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  So do you think that that is maybe a protective mechanism
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  that God allows us to experience?
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  Or do you see it as something that it's just universal?
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  It doesn't matter. It's it's we're just born in
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  with amnesia. Everybody comes in the same way.
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  Figure it out. What are your thoughts there?
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  It's complicated. Good, good answer.
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  All right. Next question.
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  I'm just kidding. Yeah, it it's complicated
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  because for me personally, I think, yeah, I, I had the
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  natural amnesia that the mind, I mean, in when a child like
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  myself is just immersed and surrounded by darkness, you,
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  your mind either fragments and you create parts which they,
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  which they call is DID. And I had several, I had many
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  parts that held those memories and they were cauterized off
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  from my, from me. And DID is disassociative
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  identity disorder. So you think that that's a way
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  that the fragmentation, like when something so traumatic
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  happens to a child, they're actually creating a safe space,
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  A secret place for them to almost hide in because what the
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  what that happened to them is so satanic and significant, that
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  would be the only way for them to survive it.
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  Mm, hmm. Mm.
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  Hmm. And and people will do that.
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  Children will do that too for, you know, like a child that's
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  bullied at school. I mean, it doesn't have to be
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  really dark memories, but if you know, a person has, you know,
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  relentless teasing, bullying made fun of, you know, a parent
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  that scorns them constantly. Yeah, that will that will create
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  parts of them as well. And the mind, I hate that they
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  call it a disorder because it's it's it's how God made our minds
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  so brilliant to be able to endure trauma and depending on
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  the level of brilliance of the mind.
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  So I have sat with survivors who their internal world, their DID
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  system is, is pretty complex. Mind was mine was fairly
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  complex, but I've sat with survivors that's like, Oh my
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  goodness, like their mind, like put it outside of space and
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  time. Maybe in a book.
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  It's, you know, it can be extensive what the mind can do
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  with those memories. And I think it depends on what's
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  there generationally as well. But yes, programming does play a
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  role. And there's all kinds of
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  programming, whether it's what we see on the TV or what we see
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  on the media. The media's obviously been
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  programming us for a very long time to believe certain things
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  that aren't true. There's for myself there.
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  I have a, a memory that came up actually as a, it came up as a
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  body memory that I was, I was shocked to death as a child and
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  brought back to life. And so because of that, I have a
• 21:58
  lot less memory than most survivors who have a story like
• 22:03
  mine. So that in itself can be crazy
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  making 'cause you, you, you can have the body memory, but you
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  don't have like your conscious awareness.
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  It's just it's not there. That's significant.
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  So you're saying that the the memory surfaced of you being
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  shocked to death? Yeah.
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  And do you? Remember who was doing this to
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  you? I mean, are we talking
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  government sponsored mind control agendas?
• 22:35
  Is this Illuminati bloodline Freemasons?
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  I mean, let's just dive into what was going on there.
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  The pieces I have are yes, there was experimentation going on for
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  me as as a child, I have probably 2-2 memories that came
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  up in dreams of being given drugs and and then they would
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  use spinning in these in these lab settings to, to split the
• 23:15
  mind of the child. So there was.
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  Spinning. Did you say spinning?
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  Can you can you help me understand what that that is I?
• 23:25
  Don't know if I can give you exactly how they do it.
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  They I know it's common in facility lab settings where they
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  they use drugs and they spin a child whether it's I'm not sure
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  rod if it's. I mean to when I listen to
• 23:50
  people like I'm I'll see visions, like I'll watch movie
• 23:54
  clips. I'm not seeing like a prophetic
• 23:56
  vision, although I had a few, but I don't necessarily talk
• 23:59
  about them on air. But I see like a movie clip when
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  I'm listening to people talk. And so I don't always know when
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  it's my imagination or if I'm like spot on, like, OK, this is
• 24:09
  it. When you said spinning, what hit
• 24:12
  me is like they're just because of other things I'm aware of.
• 24:15
  Sometimes DNA will be taken from individuals and put in a Petri
• 24:18
  dish and there's no separation, right?
• 24:21
  Because the song that is me, the the vibrational frequency that
• 24:25
  is the uniqueness of me is not exempt from a part of me that
• 24:31
  may be removed. And let's just say the Kingdom
• 24:34
  of darkness has access to. So when you said spinning, I
• 24:37
  immediately thought of, let's just say cells in like a Petri
• 24:42
  dish that are in a cyclical cycle motion, right where it's
• 24:48
  almost to cause a state of confusion.
• 24:50
  Now, that might sound weird to some, not many of my listeners,
• 24:54
  but we do have new people that are always coming in and
• 24:56
  checking us out. There's very well documented
• 24:59
  information about this, this genetic warfare in these, the
• 25:04
  Super soldiers that the Kingdom of Darkness has been working on
• 25:07
  for quite a long time. So the spinning, I mean, another
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  thing is like, jeez, I remember being a kid and going on the
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  merry go round and like somebody spins it really fast and that's
• 25:19
  enough to get you sick and have you feeling all types of messed
• 25:23
  up. So maybe a combination of of
• 25:27
  both, one or the other. Or maybe there's something
• 25:29
  deeper and darker that is related to the spinning that
• 25:34
  takes place. I do know, like I said, there's
• 25:39
  there's a lot of my story I don't know.
• 25:43
  I've I've known a large amount of my memory has come through
• 25:48
  the spiritual work. It it's come through what I've
• 25:54
  had to get free from. That's given me context for that
• 25:59
  was part of my story. So or parts that had jobs, you
• 26:04
  know, within my internal world or my DID system that they were
• 26:09
  either straight up demonic or they were right of Satan parts
• 26:14
  or Lilith parts. So one of the hardest parts
• 26:20
  about my story and it's and I've been reluctant, honestly, Rod to
• 26:26
  come on and give these deeper pieces of my story.
• 26:29
  I haven't talked about them much because, you know, there's
• 26:33
  always the, you think about the naysayers and which we shouldn't
• 26:38
  think about, but it's like, it's like, OK, Lord, I, I always want
• 26:43
  to give foundational truth that helps people understand deeper
• 26:49
  realities. But the reality is some of these
• 26:53
  pieces of what some of us have been exposed to, if you just you
• 26:58
  can't explain it. You can't, you can't comprehend
• 27:01
  darkness. You can't explain what it does.
• 27:03
  And I do know that I was just passed around as a child.
• 27:07
  You know, whether it was trafficking, whether it was the
• 27:11
  the handful of lab scenes, you know, I know the doctor that
• 27:15
  supposedly delivered me my childhood just has so many
• 27:22
  bizarre pieces. Like there's no pictures of me
• 27:25
  as a baby, a family holding me as a baby.
• 27:28
  There's none. So there's just all these random
• 27:32
  odd pieces, and then you put the little bit of memory in there
• 27:36
  with it, and you put what I've had to get free from
• 27:40
  spiritually, and you begin to go, OK, there's a lot of
• 27:44
  bizarreness here. Absolutely.
• 27:48
  Yeah, yeah. So I do know the doctor that
• 27:51
  delivered me, supposedly she was in federal prison for several
• 27:57
  years for selling pharmaceutical, selling
• 28:02
  overdosing people on prescription drugs.
• 28:06
  And I'm fairly confident she was part of who was experimenting on
• 28:12
  me. You know, was it all government
• 28:15
  based? Was it a cult based?
• 28:19
  I think some of each. I think they do in my, in my.
• 28:26
  I will tell you, my body does not handle drugs well.
• 28:30
  It's like if I have to take, like if I have the surgery,
• 28:34
  whether it's anesthetic, whether it's pain medication, my body
• 28:38
  does not. It doesn't respond well.
• 28:43
  Let's let's backtrack just a little bit to this, the pain
• 28:47
  thing, right? So the physical pain triggers or
• 28:52
  there's some type of stored or layered thing that's happened in
• 28:57
  the past that shows up through the physical pain.
• 28:59
  Can you walk us through like one or two examples?
• 29:02
  And how were you starting to connect the dots between this
• 29:06
  random ailment is connected to being electrocuted at five years
• 29:10
  old? Like how?
• 29:11
  Help me just understand where you started to get clarity in
• 29:14
  that? Well, that is, he always does.
• 29:20
  You know, he'll just he'll just take you step by step, piece by
• 29:24
  piece. And he, you know, he began to
• 29:26
  teach me about body memory after the very gifted counselor came
• 29:33
  along who had experience in SRA. And Didi mean she was just she
• 29:37
  was a godsend straight from heaven.
• 29:40
  So as she began to open my eyes to what my body was holding and
• 29:46
  the story my body told, I, you know, I began to experience all
• 29:52
  all the symptoms physically of different kinds of abuse,
• 29:59
  including sexual abuse. So that sexual, sexual abuse has
• 30:03
  its own bag of trauma debris in the body, I think especially for
• 30:13
  women, men too. But you know, the body, the body
• 30:18
  holds that certain ways. So those were the first physical
• 30:23
  symptoms. You know, I began to be aware of
• 30:25
  and going, OK, this is a chronic issue and this isn't normal.
• 30:34
  So I began to understand body trauma and what the body holds
• 30:39
  that way before I got into the deeper waters of, of the mind
• 30:44
  control parts of my story. And I remember it very clearly
• 30:50
  how the, the electrocution memory came up.
• 30:52
  I was, I was out in the yard doing yard work and I'd been
• 30:58
  outside a good part of the day. I, my body was fine.
• 31:03
  And all the sudden I, my toe on my right foot started hurting so
• 31:08
  bad I could hardly walk. And I'm like, what's happening?
• 31:16
  And I think I began then I began to have some emotional reaction,
• 31:20
  still didn't understand what was happening.
• 31:23
  And I believe I reached out to my counselor, she and if I
• 31:28
  remember right, she had some time that day, thankfully.
• 31:32
  And as I sat down to process what my body was telling me,
• 31:38
  both of my legs began shaking uncontrollably.
• 31:45
  And as you know, as Jesus is so faithfully done, he he'll just
• 31:53
  walk you through step by step of OK, what is this?
• 31:57
  You know what? What else here is there to know
• 31:59
  when he will either bring a word of knowledge, he'll bring a
• 32:03
  flash of memory, he'll bring emotion.
• 32:09
  And the emotion that came up was somebody within me was crying
• 32:16
  out going PP, where are you? And core me is going.
• 32:27
  I've never called anybody Papa. Where, where's that coming from?
• 32:34
  Had never, never been around anybody called Papa even.
• 32:40
  And I was, I was bewildered by that.
• 32:45
  And after a few sessions all the pieces to that memory began to
• 32:49
  come together. So best of my knowledge, what
• 32:56
  they were attempting to do with me was to download nefarious
• 33:01
  information into my brain. So I think they split my brain
• 33:04
  first, they split my mind, download nefarious information
• 33:08
  into it and they began to realize my will was too strong
• 33:12
  to be a mind control slave to be, you know, one of those,
• 33:18
  whether it was a super soldier, those type of category that I, I
• 33:25
  wouldn't be faithful to that because my will is too strong.
• 33:29
  So they erased what they put there.
• 33:32
  And in that, that memory that came up in that brief moment of,
• 33:41
  of shocking me to death, I was in the presence of father for a
• 33:47
  very brief, however long it was. I don't, I don't cognitively
• 33:52
  remember it. I will tell you though, Rod, I
• 34:00
  knew I was born again most of my life.
• 34:04
  And you know, the Baptist preacher, he came to visit my
• 34:07
  husband and I after we were married.
• 34:08
  And he's like, so, so what's your testimony?
• 34:10
  You know, have you been born again?
• 34:12
  Have you accepted Jesus? And I was like.
• 34:16
  How much time do you have that? Time.
• 34:20
  I didn't know this and I was like, well, no, I can't.
• 34:26
  I can't give you. I can't give you, you know, a
• 34:31
  testimony of this. This was the year that I
• 34:34
  accepted Jesus. And but, but I knew in my heart,
• 34:40
  hey, there was just something in my heart that knew I at one time
• 34:44
  had been close to him. And so I began to realize at
• 34:50
  four years old, I had been in some form in his presence.
• 34:56
  And as a child being in his presence, I think, I think you
• 35:02
  know who he is. And yeah, I had a lot to learn
• 35:06
  about him and I had a lot to learn about what he did for me
• 35:09
  and the price he paid for my son.
• 35:17
  But is, I mean, is hard as that story is my own testimony.
• 35:23
  There's very, very, very few people around me that are aware
• 35:28
  that that is my story. And it's.
• 35:33
  But yet in my heart, and I know it's true.
• 35:38
  And I and I know how it came up in my body and how my body
• 35:41
  responded and began shaking uncontrollably, which I have not
• 35:46
  had that experience only with when that memory came up.
• 35:52
  So on this journey of those, those pieces that the
• 35:58
  trafficking memory pieces, the hospital or lab scene pieces,
• 36:06
  you, you begin to see a pattern and you begin to go, OK, that
• 36:10
  lines up. And yeah, that resonates in me
• 36:13
  as true. I often refer to it as pattern
• 36:24
  recognition intelligences. You know, even when we're
• 36:29
  studying through the Bible right there, I think there was like a
• 36:32
  chart a couple years ago that where there was like, maybe, you
• 36:36
  know, 120,000 connections and reference points where the Bible
• 36:42
  is agreeing and, and right, going further and further into
• 36:45
  the superlative outside of the, the time straight message of, of
• 36:52
  love and redemption and warfare and just all the, all the stuff
• 36:56
  that the word is. And it kind of takes me to this,
• 37:02
  this idea that when we're waking up, or I mean, we've been called
• 37:06
  to wake up, the Bible's very clear to wash our mind in the
• 37:09
  word of God. You're right to, to in all of
• 37:13
  our gettings, get knowledge, get understanding, before we're
• 37:16
  getting money, before we're getting a card, before we're
• 37:18
  getting a spouse. We're supposed to be grappling
• 37:21
  with this supernatural reality of this message that the Lord
• 37:27
  has set and sent out since the beginning of time.
• 37:31
  The the, the, the records of the prophets of old who who were
• 37:37
  rejected, ran out of their towns, persecuted satanically,
• 37:40
  ritually abused privately and publicly.
• 37:45
  And we're not so different, you know.
• 37:49
  So for believers to to no, we're not not so different.
• 37:54
  Society America thinks we are. Yeah, well, I mean, geez,
• 37:57
  there's nothing new under the sun, but I'll tell you that
• 38:01
  technology is a very interesting entertainment is a word I don't
• 38:07
  like very much, although, you know, people say, oh man, it was
• 38:11
  really entertaining episode you did.
• 38:12
  And I'm like, at surface glance, I'm like, great, thanks, you
• 38:15
  know, but but hopefully it, it spoke to you much deeper than
• 38:18
  just something cool to listen to, right, Because
• 38:20
  entertainment, it just has this idea of grabbing the attention,
• 38:26
  right, This construct of cultural programming almost and
• 38:31
  to get the narrative pushed into the masses of whoever the
• 38:36
  handlers are at large. I mean, you, you mentioned a
• 38:38
  little bit ago TV, right, television.
• 38:43
  I mean, come on, we all know that the ear gates and the eye
• 38:47
  gates are super sensitive to everything that's coming and
• 38:50
  going from them. And we're spiritual beings.
• 38:53
  So as you're talking about your testimony, TJ, and you're
• 38:56
  talking about like spirit memory, almost like getting a
• 38:59
  download or a vision or snippet versus the body speaking to you
• 39:03
  based on these trauma releases. Well.
• 39:07
  All of this is important because there there's many soft layers
• 39:12
  of satanic ritual abuse taking place.
• 39:14
  The music in the public square, the commercials, the billboards,
• 39:18
  the magazine covers, I mean whatever it may be, the phone in
• 39:21
  your hand and everything that they're pushing.
• 39:23
  I believe this is a like a step one or two satanic ritual abuse
• 39:27
  because the Kingdom that is coming doesn't exist.
• 39:30
  None of that exists there. None of that distraction, none
• 39:34
  of that, you know, heavyset delusion is not going to be
• 39:37
  pushed on people. The Kingdom that is coming,
• 39:39
  there won't even be a sun in the sky because the light that
• 39:42
  shines from the glory of the lamb being with us is suffice.
• 39:47
  So we're all experiencing some form now when the story gets
• 39:51
  deeper or TJ, when the memories start to come back, that is
• 39:58
  where the body really needs to step in and give people the room
• 40:04
  and the freedom to walk this thing out and remember what has
• 40:08
  happened to them. I even think of epigenetics.
• 40:11
  A good friend of the show, Doctor Laura Sanger, we've
• 40:14
  talked extensively about epigenetics.
• 40:17
  You know these markers on top of our genes where studies show
• 40:22
  that boys who are smoking cigarettes at 12 to 13 years
• 40:26
  old. Pass on a predisposition for
• 40:31
  their offspring to be more susceptible to smoking.
• 40:34
  There's a marker on top of the genome that gets turned on and
• 40:38
  puts them at a predisposition. This is basic scientific stuff
• 40:42
  that they can pull. How much deeper does it go in
• 40:45
  the spirit? A lot.
• 40:49
  That's why you're here, DJ. That's what we're trying to talk
• 40:51
  about and trying to understand. I'm going to throw a couple
• 40:54
  terms out there. I want you to to comment and I
• 40:56
  think this is this is going to have to be a multi part episode.
• 41:01
  So you're coming back again because we have so much more to
• 41:05
  talk about. I do want to get into this idea
• 41:10
  of handlers. What is a handler?
• 41:13
  How would you describe that? And when you started to see a
• 41:17
  handler show up in your story, what what is the defense there?
• 41:23
  What's the How do you even go about the acknowledging A
• 41:28
  handler? And then how do you get them out
• 41:30
  of your life once you've figured out that they're a handler?
• 41:34
  Again, I think they can be. It can be a variety.
• 41:40
  It can be a variety of ways. For some of us, like my story,
• 41:45
  it was parents, you know, and when, when parents are the
• 41:50
  handlers and whether they consciously know they are I, I,
• 41:59
  I don't know, I only them and God know only them and God know
• 42:04
  and they will have to answer to it one day.
• 42:07
  But I, you know, it's like how, how many parents, grandparents
• 42:14
  know that their handlers, there's maybe, maybe some, maybe
• 42:18
  some and more, the organized, you know, Illuminati mafia
• 42:24
  world, you know, they, they know they are.
• 42:27
  But in stories like mine, I'm, I don't know, I don't know if they
• 42:30
  know they are or not. But handlers and the handlers I
• 42:34
  think, can be anybody who's close to you and manipulates
• 42:40
  you. Your life programs you in a you
• 42:45
  know a variety of ways, whether it's emotionally, mentally,
• 42:51
  spiritually. Of course you get into the the
• 42:55
  deeper SRA stories. Handlers can be the ones
• 43:03
  carrying out the rituals. So it sounds like the objective
• 43:09
  of the handler is to be close enough to you for a what?
• 43:15
  What I'm thinking is a walk in, right?
• 43:17
  So I I consider it to be a walk in like the.
• 43:20
  I think Dan Duval calls it the presenter, right, or this this
• 43:24
  outside kind of personality or, you know, whatever your meet and
• 43:29
  greet person that the face that's on the outside and then
• 43:31
  the motive that sits behind it. I think that this the SRA
• 43:35
  creates templates of individuals who can be pushed to the side
• 43:40
  and walk in's can come in. It's fascinating that you bring
• 43:42
  that up that a handler could be anybody around you.
• 43:45
  Reminds me of the movie The Matrix with Neo and you know,
• 43:49
  there's just agents like he's like walks past somebody and
• 43:52
  zoop, they just turn into an agent.
• 43:54
  They just morph in very not too far off from this supernatural
• 43:59
  biblical worldview of demoniac showing up in individuals,
• 44:05
  spiritual beings materializing and dematerializing continually
• 44:10
  all throughout the Bible. You have the parents of Samson
• 44:13
  hanging out with an Angel. He literally jumps into the
• 44:16
  fire, goes up into the fire, uses an elemental access point
• 44:21
  to go to wherever he was going. This is not far fetched for the
• 44:25
  deep believer what you're talking about.
• 44:27
  TJ, please continue. A good, it's a good point
• 44:32
  because when you, you get into those, those waters of, of mind
• 44:38
  parts and spiritual parts of people, not to mention lingering
• 44:44
  human spirits and how lingering human spirits, I mean, those can
• 44:49
  be assigned parts of other people can be assigned.
• 44:54
  So, you know, spiritually they can access you.
• 45:00
  I I I don't think it's far fetched to say you can have
• 45:02
  spiritual handlers. Even what, like surveying
• 45:11
  spirits or familiar spirits, right?
• 45:13
  I mean, the, the Bible is using different titles and terms for
• 45:17
  different spiritual encounters. Even the spirit of divination,
• 45:20
  Paul's walking along and the girl is like following around
• 45:23
  for three days. And you know, I mean, there's
• 45:26
  plenty of examples biblically. But the crazy thing for me, TJ,
• 45:31
  is that we have the most supernatural document in
• 45:33
  existence, an extraterrestrial message, if I can say it that
• 45:38
  way. I mean, you know, from outside
• 45:41
  the time restraints, the word of God, the papyrus, this Bible.
• 45:46
  And you got a majority of Christians that are not willing
• 45:49
  to want to understand the Near Eastern mindset that produced it
• 45:54
  like the culture that produced the Bible, right?
• 45:56
  So there's this sacred secular divide from oh, well, that's
• 46:00
  just Hollywood, That's just Netflix, that's just video
• 46:02
  games, right? That's not reality.
• 46:05
  No, it is reality. It it it's that's the whole
• 46:10
  point of the Messiah coming in the flesh, walking on water,
• 46:14
  rebuking storms, you know, speaking to having
• 46:18
  transfigurations, showing, you know, these layers of his
• 46:23
  concealed identity at times telling people no, don't, you
• 46:27
  know, don't don't tell them who I am yet.
• 46:30
  And we see these the veil is what I'm getting at.
• 46:34
  But we're supposed to operate on both sides of this veil.
• 46:39
  As a Christian. Why do you say that, Rod?
• 46:41
  Oh, you got some audacity, buddy.
• 46:43
  Yeah, I do because I've read my Bible.
• 46:45
  And guess what? I am currently seated current
• 46:48
  tents in a heavenly place with Christ Jesus.
• 46:52
  But yet I'm here in my house interviewing TJ.
• 46:56
  That's a can of worms we might have to save for another time.
• 47:01
  But this is what God wants us to understand the layers to this.
• 47:05
  So the darkness is coming against you.
• 47:08
  You, you're starting to have these memories.
• 47:10
  You're starting to remember things that were hidden from
• 47:14
  you, and you start waking up to it.
• 47:16
  You said around 2018. I guess my next question is how
• 47:21
  did you, who came alongside and helped you piece together some
• 47:25
  of the terminology like mind control, right, MK Ultra
• 47:31
  programs, like when you had the vision of being electrocuted,
• 47:35
  like what type of ministry did God have to birth a ministry out
• 47:40
  of yourself and trickle it outwards?
• 47:42
  Or were you finding people that were like, hey, you're not
• 47:45
  crazy, that happened to me too. What?
• 47:47
  What does all this look like from 2018 and and maybe until
• 47:50
  present? It was a very deep walk with the
• 47:55
  Holy Spirit and with Jesus truly.
• 47:58
  I mean, I Rod, I was, I was a hurting, broken woman.
• 48:04
  And when, when I would have these episodes, I, you know, I
• 48:09
  would either get triggered or, you know, mentally, emotionally
• 48:14
  and, or spiritually being tormented.
• 48:17
  And I might be on the floor in a ball crying for two or three
• 48:21
  hours and cognitively not really understand why I was there, nor
• 48:27
  did my husband, which was terrifying to his tender heart.
• 48:34
  So it, it truly was a crying out.
• 48:40
  I mean, I live in the middle of nowhere Rod.
• 48:42
  It is 85 miles now. It's over 90 miles to the
• 48:48
  nearest Walmart. So just to give you context for
• 48:53
  where I live and the limited resources and, and Jesus would
• 49:00
  just bring, you know, he would just bring the next, It might be
• 49:04
  the next book. It might be the next phone call.
• 49:09
  It might be, you know, I went to Dan Allender's recovery retreat.
• 49:14
  That was a huge step. Met a couple women who's had
• 49:19
  similar sexual abuse stories. They knew of, you know, more of
• 49:25
  the demonic deliverance waters. So, you know, I began to meet
• 49:30
  people that way and he but it was a personal walk with Jesus
• 49:39
  Christ that has healed me. It has brought the next thing
• 49:44
  that seemed impossible. It is brought.
• 49:48
  I mean, I will never forget him. It was must have been Christmas
• 49:55
  of 2019 or 2020 and for the first time I was becoming
• 50:06
  suicidal. I hadn't even as much depression
• 50:10
  as I wrestled with most of my life.
• 50:13
  I had never been suicidal. But I was beginning to have
• 50:18
  thoughts of I don't know if this is ever going to end.
• 50:23
  And I really think my family would be happier without me.
• 50:27
  I think it I think it would be better for them than watching me
• 50:31
  go through this over and over again.
• 50:35
  And so I began to go, OK, this is this is not good.
• 50:42
  And now what? And he began to give me these
• 50:48
  these funny little visions of how my brain was not working
• 50:52
  like it, like it was, you know, the neural networks were not,
• 50:56
  they were not firing. They were not.
• 50:58
  My brain was literally not functioning like it was supposed
• 51:03
  to. And he brought to my mind
• 51:06
  somebody in the area. I mean, he was a rancher.
• 51:11
  And we were at a gas station and my husband and I were talking to
• 51:15
  him and they were talking about cattle.
• 51:17
  And all of a sudden he starts talking about a time that he was
• 51:21
  so depressed and he was not sleeping at all.
• 51:25
  And he went into the local hospital in rural Nebraska and
• 51:29
  they gave him ketamine. And I'm like, what is ketamine?
• 51:34
  I've never heard of ketamine. So in that moment, I don't know
• 51:40
  how many weeks prior it was, I heard this man talk about him
• 51:44
  getting treatment with ketamine. The Holy Spirit began to bring
• 51:48
  that up to me and I started doing some research and I'm
• 51:53
  like, no, no, and no. I I know I'm not going to do
• 51:59
  that. I mean, I can't, I don't even
• 52:01
  like taking Tylenol. It just, it just does not make
• 52:05
  me feel well. So he, he kept of course, the,
• 52:11
  the, the heaviness was still there.
• 52:14
  And it's like, OK, Lord, you got to take me to the right place.
• 52:20
  I do not want to get into any new AG out there stuff in this
• 52:26
  process. And I'm only going to do this
• 52:28
  once. So we found a place in Denver.
• 52:32
  It's about 5 hours from us to make a trip to Denver.
• 52:36
  I had, I think I had four treatments over like 6 daytime
• 52:43
  because they, they increase the amount of ketamine they give
• 52:46
  you. And it's, it's been
• 52:50
  scientifically proven that it will heal the neural networks
• 52:53
  that have been so damaged from trauma.
• 52:56
  And it, my time there, it, it, it was scary for me, but I began
• 53:03
  to see what it was doing. And one of the first things it
• 53:05
  did after the first treatment was it opened up the hearing in
• 53:09
  my left ear, which I didn't even realize it was diminished, but I
• 53:14
  began to, that next morning, I could feel it open up and I from
• 53:19
  that time forth could hear better in my left ear.
• 53:23
  And by the time I had the last treatment, we were packing up to
• 53:27
  leave to head home. And I sat down with my journal
• 53:31
  and for the first time, Rod, I could see the big picture of my
• 53:36
  story versus feeling like I was constantly stuck in PTSD, like I
• 53:43
  was constantly stuck in another trauma reaction.
• 53:47
  I could see more of a big picture view of the darkness
• 53:53
  that had taken advantage of me my all my childhood and I began
• 53:59
  to realize that He was healing me enough that I could live
• 54:05
  above it and not be constantly traumatized from the reactions
• 54:12
  in my body and my mind and my spirit.
• 54:21
  That's wild. I don't know.
• 54:25
  I thought it's I, I don't know how you write a book, you know
• 54:30
  that that tells people, OK, this, this is, this is what your
• 54:33
  journey is going to be like. Because he, he, our God, he, he
• 54:39
  is a wild God. He is a deep, tender, caring
• 54:44
  God. He is ever faithful and ever
• 54:48
  present and and He knows exactly, He knows exactly what
• 54:54
  we need. So during the the you said you
• 54:59
  did what 6 sessions of the the ketamine over it all happened
• 55:05
  close like within a couple day window?
• 55:07
  Yeah, they like to give you. I think I had two and they gave
• 55:11
  it like the weekend and then I had two more.
• 55:15
  And then had four. G Total.
• 55:17
  I got you. I don't, I don't know anything
• 55:20
  about it. I mean, I've heard a lot of
• 55:23
  testimony on illegal access right to the spirit realm, like
• 55:27
  using ayahuasca and using different, different drugs and
• 55:31
  things of that sort. Ketamine I don't know a terrible
• 55:34
  lot about. But I will say a very
• 55:36
  interesting perspective is the body can, can get to the point
• 55:43
  where you have to intervene on an unorthodox way.
• 55:51
  And I should listen. There's there's the Christians
• 55:53
  out there who will send me the e-mail and be like, it's only by
• 55:56
  the breath of God that people are healed.
• 55:58
  And how dare you put information out there that is contrary to
• 56:02
  that. And I'm like, well, Jesus said
• 56:04
  only some come out by prayer and fasting.
• 56:09
  Jesus also wasn't eating GMO foods like your cheese curls
• 56:14
  are, you know, and all the junk that we've been eating.
• 56:17
  There also wasn't a polluted environment of bio and genetic,
• 56:24
  you know, microcosmeric warfare taking place in a way that we
• 56:30
  know is real today. This is no longer conspiracy.
• 56:32
  I remember four or five years ago I would be on symposiums
• 56:36
  talking about contrails and chemtrails and talking about
• 56:39
  genetically modified origins and the SITS, the satanic
• 56:43
  information technology. Once they get these
• 56:46
  nanoparticulates inside the body and they're able to like get you
• 56:49
  in these trauma cycles of frequency broadcast looping you.
• 56:53
  And I'm like, well, we're up against a lot, you know, And
• 56:59
  it's like, listen, I'm not encouraging anybody in my
• 57:02
  audience to go try ketamine. This is a very unique example,
• 57:07
  OK? I don't even know anything about
• 57:08
  ketamine. I'm not endorsing the use of
• 57:10
  ketamine. But what I will say is there God
• 57:14
  is mysterious and there's cases that do require the process to
• 57:19
  unfold. And testimonially that's what
• 57:22
  happened with TJ. She went, she did ketamine a
• 57:24
  bunch of times. It's helping her process.
• 57:26
  What did that make you feel like?
• 57:28
  Were you able to step out? You said like you were able to
• 57:31
  step outside of what happened to you in process.
• 57:35
  Help me understand that. So.
• 57:39
  So during treatments, they're about a, I remember right, about
• 57:44
  a 90 minute treatment they give you, they give you ketamine IV,
• 57:48
  there's a nurse there that monitors your heart, all those
• 57:51
  things. And you know, they will, they
• 57:53
  will tell you, you know, just just relax, just kind of
• 57:57
  wherever your mind wants to take you go, Well, I'm like, yeah,
• 58:00
  no, that's, that's not happening.
• 58:05
  So I of course, I did not like, I did not like the drugged
• 58:12
  feeling. But after the, the last, and I,
• 58:20
  I believe it was fourth treatment and after, you know,
• 58:23
  the drug had wore off, I was able to journal and my mind was
• 58:28
  much more clear in that it was actually being able to process
• 58:37
  what had happened to me versus being stuck in a trauma
• 58:41
  reaction. Because ketamine is a, they use
• 58:48
  it as an anesthetic too. So it's, it's a, it's a type of
• 58:52
  sedative. But like I said earlier, it's
• 58:55
  it's scientifically proven that it will heal neural networks
• 58:59
  within the brain. That's very interesting.
• 59:03
  So the perpetual loop of trauma or that continual angst that the
• 59:07
  body is, is in, in some cases it's, it's almost like it's a
• 59:12
  gatekeeper from allowing you to meet your spirit or meet the
• 59:19
  past that is concealed within you.
• 59:22
  So it's a very fascinating it, it definitely connects other
• 59:25
  places. I could go down so many rabbit
• 59:27
  trails based on what you're telling me, but I think for the
• 59:30
  sake of this Part 1, you know, I would like to continue in with
• 59:35
  your testimony after the ketamine.
• 59:38
  You say you're starting to journal at this point in time,
• 59:40
  you're starting to step outside of this continual trauma loop
• 59:44
  and observe. This is what's happened to me.
• 59:47
  I'm going to write it down. I'm going to step into all of
• 59:51
  these reoccurring, you know, memories.
• 59:53
  You mentioned earlier about dreams too.
• 59:55
  So just just walk us into the rest of the testimony from this
• 59:59
  this point. What's happening next?
• 1:00:01
  Where's the growth at? There was.
• 1:00:07
  Honestly, it's hard for me to remember exact timelines because
• 1:00:12
  my journey's been so intense and complex and different twists and
• 1:00:18
  turns because about the same time I started using hyperbaric
• 1:00:24
  oxygen. So it's, you know, it's known
• 1:00:29
  for helping veterans with PTSD. It helps get the swelling out of
• 1:00:34
  the brain. And that's when I also started
• 1:00:39
  having more memory come up. And I, it, it would come up in
• 1:00:44
  the oxygen chamber and, and it may come up as an actual memory
• 1:00:48
  or it may come up as the spiritual.
• 1:00:51
  So I could see spiritually what was in a trauma scene.
• 1:01:00
  You know, I would, I would continue counseling through that
• 1:01:03
  whole time. I would continue to work on
• 1:01:06
  through the different treatments I was getting.
• 1:01:08
  Of course, I've used a lot of nutritional treatments.
• 1:01:11
  I've had doctors tell me, you know, you're always going to
• 1:01:15
  have the Epstein Barr virus. You're always going to have
• 1:01:17
  yeast. You're always going to have no,
• 1:01:22
  it's, it's, it's not true. You know, he just every, every
• 1:01:25
  time something would surface in my body, because trauma comes up
• 1:01:29
  in layers like an onion. There oftentimes was a a mental,
• 1:01:33
  emotional element. There was a spiritual element
• 1:01:35
  and there was a physical element.
• 1:01:37
  And sometimes, you know, you, you treat one at a time.
• 1:01:41
  Sometimes you treat them all at this at the same time.
• 1:01:45
  It was interesting the deeper I got into my story, the body,
• 1:01:51
  what was stored in my body was a large amount of strep and staph.
• 1:01:56
  And so I would have these, these times where my body would be in
• 1:02:00
  a lot of pain and it was staph coming to the surface.
• 1:02:07
  And thankfully at that time we had a, he was a pretty talented
• 1:02:11
  nutritionalist. He, he knew his stuff.
• 1:02:14
  So he knew, he knew what supplements to use to treat
• 1:02:19
  systemic staph infection. So that was a often times part
• 1:02:25
  of part of my journey. Of course, the the counseling,
• 1:02:28
  the journaling, the giving space to parts of my mind and the
• 1:02:34
  stories they held or the emotions they held.
• 1:02:38
  You know, sometimes you, you can have young places who they're
• 1:02:42
  doing their job of self protecting you.
• 1:02:45
  So they might be acting as a child, like irrationally toward
• 1:02:49
  your husband and, and, and they're, they're doing their
• 1:02:54
  job, but they may be stuck in, you know, 1974.
• 1:03:01
  And this very talented woman, you know, she, she, she, she's
• 1:03:07
  just so good at it. And she had a heart and
• 1:03:10
  compassion for each young part. And she, you know, she would ask
• 1:03:14
  their name. She would ask, you know, you
• 1:03:18
  know, what's your job? What do you do?
• 1:03:22
  I mean, just it just just incredible of way of treating
• 1:03:29
  the mind and the story with acknowledgement and care.
• 1:03:35
  And it was always bizarre to me, Rod, when she would ask what,
• 1:03:40
  you know, what's, what's your name?
• 1:03:42
  And when she, she did that the first time or two, I'm like,
• 1:03:46
  this lady's crazy. I don't know, my name's music.
• 1:03:50
  I don't know who you're talking to.
• 1:03:55
  And oh, lo and behold, I would hear a name.
• 1:03:59
  And I'm like, how does that work?
• 1:04:06
  Again? It's just the beautiful way that
• 1:04:10
  that God has made us and how he cares for each peace and part of
• 1:04:16
  us. And I'm going to give you my own
• 1:04:19
  personal opinion. You might not want it or ask for
• 1:04:22
  it, but I believe a lot of people on the earth have parts.
• 1:04:30
  We've, we've, our society has been through so much, so much
• 1:04:35
  generationally epigenetically, spiritually, so much ongoing
• 1:04:40
  duress and ongoing warfare. I personally believe I might be
• 1:04:44
  wrong, but I personally believe a lot of people have parts and
• 1:04:49
  parts can wreck havoc in marriage.
• 1:04:52
  Oh my goodness, Oh my goodness. My young parts, they just, they
• 1:04:58
  were so self protective towards my husband.
• 1:05:01
  And so addressing, you know, the, the spiritual issues in my
• 1:05:06
  journey, addressing the physical issues, addressing my, my
• 1:05:10
  internal world. I mean, my, my internal world
• 1:05:13
  also had angels as part of my DID system that literally,
• 1:05:20
  literally they stepped in one in particular came after the after
• 1:05:27
  the shock. And she was, she was part of
• 1:05:32
  protecting my heart, keeping it from becoming dark and and hard
• 1:05:39
  because my my life should not have been what it was.
• 1:05:50
  Wow, I've talked many times, TJ, about an experience I had when I
• 1:05:59
  was 7 and listening to you talk about the Angel stepping in to
• 1:06:07
  help, almost like a walk in from the positive, right?
• 1:06:13
  Because we all know about the demoniac and bad attitude.
• 1:06:17
  Let's face it, stub your toe and see what kind of words come out
• 1:06:20
  of your mouth, right? I mean, not everybody's a high
• 1:06:22
  holy roller, right? Sometimes it's just basic
• 1:06:26
  attitude and sometimes it's a lot deeper.
• 1:06:30
  But it's not always the via negativa.
• 1:06:33
  It's not always the Kingdom of darkness.
• 1:06:36
  We entertain angels, unaware some of us have and continue to
• 1:06:41
  do. And what I think's interesting
• 1:06:44
  is, as I've been trying to process as the years go on, what
• 1:06:47
  happened to me at 7:00, you know, I appear up in the corner
• 1:06:52
  of the room looking at myself sitting on the floor playing
• 1:06:55
  with this Batman toy, and I'm engulfed in light.
• 1:06:59
  You know, it's warm. It's it's brilliant.
• 1:07:02
  I don't remember anything that was said to me.
• 1:07:05
  I know that in the moment when I was up in the corner of the room
• 1:07:08
  looking down at myself, everything was all right.
• 1:07:12
  I got the game plan. Like it's just this idea of
• 1:07:14
  like, it's perfect, It's glorious.
• 1:07:18
  But I don't remember leaving my little body or coming back into
• 1:07:21
  my body. It's just, you know, I've, I'll
• 1:07:24
  tell you just a quick recap of it because you're triggering me.
• 1:07:28
  So let me trigger some other people or maybe you 2.
• 1:07:32
  My Aunt Connie is sharing the gospel and I'm a 90s, you know,
• 1:07:37
  I was born in 88. So I'm a 90s kid, seven years
• 1:07:40
  old. You know, we're talking early
• 1:07:42
  90s and we had the long, you'll remember the long curly cords on
• 1:07:47
  the House phone, right? So you could walk like 1015
• 1:07:50
  feet, but nothing like what we have in our pockets today.
• 1:07:53
  I'll tell you that much. Jeez.
• 1:07:55
  And she's sharing the gospel with somebody on the other end.
• 1:07:58
  I don't know who. And she's just talking about
• 1:08:00
  this God of light, this God of brilliance swallowing up death.
• 1:08:04
  All the pain will disappear at some point.
• 1:08:07
  And and he's he's it, you know, she's just sharing these things.
• 1:08:10
  And I'm just sitting there playing with the Batman toy,
• 1:08:12
  listening and and I have this thought.
• 1:08:15
  I remember clear as day. I said to myself, if a God like
• 1:08:20
  that is real, I will serve him someday.
• 1:08:24
  I'll serve him. I want to be with a God like
• 1:08:27
  that. And boom, that's when I'm up in
• 1:08:32
  the corner of the room looking down on myself.
• 1:08:35
  And once again, I don't remember what was told to me.
• 1:08:38
  I don't. I just know that when I was
• 1:08:40
  there, I didn't have questions. I knew when I was there, it was
• 1:08:44
  warm, fuzzy, everything was good, grandiose golden hour of
• 1:08:50
  my existence and life went on and I would revisit that memory,
• 1:09:01
  that experience over the years. But you know, I grew up outside
• 1:09:07
  of Philadelphia, PA. I grew up in a county with a
• 1:09:10
  million people in it. I don't live in the middle of
• 1:09:13
  nowhere. The county I grew up in has a
• 1:09:16
  million people. And that's not even
• 1:09:17
  Philadelphia, it's just Montgomery County, Pennsylvania.
• 1:09:20
  It's loaded, diverse cultures, a lot to get into, a lot of moving
• 1:09:26
  parts. And so a lot of that got covered
• 1:09:29
  up for me, TJ, where I would revisit it like different
• 1:09:32
  seasons of life. Like I love what you were saying
• 1:09:34
  earlier about this, this elongated process, whether God
• 1:09:38
  would just send in these little chapters.
• 1:09:40
  It would just kind of keep you going.
• 1:09:42
  Little Nuggets keep moving along and it builds this momentum.
• 1:09:45
  And eventually we get to this point where we're saying, God, I
• 1:09:51
  don't understand all of this, but you're good.
• 1:09:54
  You're definitely good and you definitely have a plan and a
• 1:09:58
  purpose for me. And so I just relate with with
• 1:10:03
  that, you know, it kind of experience and there's so many
• 1:10:07
  other people out there that need to lean into that.
• 1:10:09
  Stop hiding behind the fake church mask.
• 1:10:13
  You know, people are wearing masks everywhere we go and it
• 1:10:15
  the vulnerability is a weapon leaning into what happened to
• 1:10:19
  us. And it takes time.
• 1:10:21
  And I mean, man, it takes so much time.
• 1:10:25
  But I think that that's beautiful because God isn't
• 1:10:28
  restricted to time. TJ, your son had a phone call
• 1:10:47
  and I listened to this on YouTube today with my wife.
• 1:10:50
  I was like, hey, you know, I'm interviewing TJ this evening and
• 1:10:54
  listen to this, this phone call that her son did.
• 1:10:56
  I don't know how many years ago, how many years ago was the was.
• 1:11:00
  In 2000. Jewel Cowboy call. 2007. 2007,
• 1:11:04
  Wow, that was a good year. Oh man, I was just just about
• 1:11:09
  getting out of high school around that time.
• 1:11:13
  Walk us into that because one of the interesting things that I'm
• 1:11:17
  seeing is this is a triggering point of a series of events, a
• 1:11:24
  ripple effect ripple effect, if I'm at that led you to all of
• 1:11:29
  these other things, right. So let's almost go back to the
• 1:11:32
  beginning towards the end of the episode.
• 1:11:35
  Maybe I should have did it in reverse, but who cares It's my
• 1:11:37
  show. I'll do it the way I want.
• 1:11:39
  Tell us about the the space cowboy.
• 1:11:41
  You know the whole thing with the Angel and the how it
• 1:11:44
  started. Let let's just go there real
• 1:11:46
  quick. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:11:48
  They called in the sky and he got the nickname Sky Angel
• 1:11:50
  Cowboy because we listened to, again, we were very remote.
• 1:11:55
  We homeschooled our kids and we listened.
• 1:11:58
  We got a few radio stations and a few TV stations off of Sky
• 1:12:02
  Angel. So it was like its own satellite
• 1:12:04
  system. So we would listen to KSBJ on
• 1:12:08
  the radio through Sky Angel programming.
• 1:12:13
  So that's how he got that nickname.
• 1:12:16
  And he had been calling the radio station.
• 1:12:19
  Like I would come in from doing chores and he would be on the
• 1:12:22
  phone talking to them. He's Logan has always had a
• 1:12:26
  heart for people. Logan is a deep feeler.
• 1:12:30
  Logan has taught me a lot. And on this particular day, we
• 1:12:37
  were getting ready to load up to go to a rodeo, getting ready to
• 1:12:41
  load our horses. We were rushing around the
• 1:12:43
  house. I was trying to get things
• 1:12:45
  ready. I knew there was a calf that had
• 1:12:48
  gotten wounded the night before. I'd gotten hurt.
• 1:12:52
  And so Logan had an attachment to this calf.
• 1:12:56
  And he decided he and his dad knew that the calf wasn't wasn't
• 1:13:03
  going to get well. So if Logan, with his attachment
• 1:13:08
  to this calf, he decided he was going to put the calf down
• 1:13:12
  himself. So his dad was with him when
• 1:13:15
  they did this. Logan had just turned 13.
• 1:13:21
  So they did this the morning as we were getting ready to leave
• 1:13:24
  so that the calf, the calf wasn't suffering.
• 1:13:28
  And he came in. I remember it like it was
• 1:13:32
  yesterday. He came in, he'd been crying.
• 1:13:36
  And Logan, you know, he's he's he's, he's a tender soul.
• 1:13:40
  He's just a old soul, a tender soul.
• 1:13:43
  And I, I could tell you've been crying.
• 1:13:46
  And I was like, are you OK? And he's like, he's like, yeah,
• 1:13:49
  can I tell you what? And I'm like, Logan, we need to
• 1:13:52
  get in the truck. We are running late.
• 1:13:55
  He goes downstairs and calls KSBJ and gives them what had
• 1:14:04
  happened and his spiritual experience.
• 1:14:06
  I mean, he basically gives them the gospel message and how it,
• 1:14:12
  you know, hurt his heart that he had to put this calf down.
• 1:14:16
  And he just pours out his soul and you know that he was crying
• 1:14:21
  out to God and going God, you know why she was special to me
• 1:14:26
  and God. And Logan heard God reply and
• 1:14:30
  say again, my son was special too, but he died for a purpose
• 1:14:37
  and and so low, you know, he, he shares that from his tender
• 1:14:43
  hurting heart. And we get in the pickup and go
• 1:14:51
  to the rodeo. And honestly, I, I don't recall,
• 1:14:55
  you know, the story that he told us in the pickup of, of what
• 1:14:58
  happened. So it would be, it's in the
• 1:15:02
  book, the time frame in my book becoming untethered.
• 1:15:07
  It was, I want to say 10 days later maybe KSBJ called us and
• 1:15:13
  they said I, I don't know if you know what's happening, but our
• 1:15:17
  website crashed today. So this, this was before, if
• 1:15:21
  people remember, this was before, you know, social media.
• 1:15:25
  We had the Internet and e-mail and they said our website
• 1:15:32
  crashed today because 6 million people were trying to watch the,
• 1:15:37
  the video. And my time frame might be off.
• 1:15:40
  It might have been three weeks later because there was, there
• 1:15:44
  was a time in there that they, a man came along and, and created
• 1:15:48
  a video for the phone call as well.
• 1:15:52
  So, so they let us know, you know, what was happening.
• 1:15:55
  And then from that point on, we began to get phone calls, radio
• 1:15:59
  stations and people wanting to know who this kid is and is he
• 1:16:03
  real and how does he have this kind of heart?
• 1:16:07
  And, and we were just like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a
• 1:16:11
  minute, What's what's happening? And we would spend a, a good
• 1:16:16
  year doing that and sitting down and reading e-mail after e-mail
• 1:16:22
  after e-mail of how people's hearts that God was ministering
• 1:16:29
  to them through Logan's testimony and his experience of
• 1:16:34
  how it hurt his heart and how God answered.
• 1:16:39
  And, and it just that movement of the Holy Spirit around the
• 1:16:45
  world. I mean it, it would creep its
• 1:16:48
  way around the world. And you could tell in the world
• 1:16:51
  where it was by the emails that came in.
• 1:16:56
  And it just, it just, I mean, the presence of God just began
• 1:17:01
  to melt my heart. And I began to be convicted of
• 1:17:09
  the hard hearted, absent, emotionally absent mother.
• 1:17:15
  I was. I didn't know how to be a mom.
• 1:17:18
  I was, I was never hugged, let alone told we love you.
• 1:17:24
  And so it just began to melt my heart and it took us on this
• 1:17:30
  journey of, Oh my goodness, Scott, there is no man that
• 1:17:35
  could replicate this. That is amazing.
• 1:17:42
  That's, that's the starting point.
• 1:17:46
  That's how God got your attention, your family's
• 1:17:49
  attention, probably your personal attention.
• 1:17:54
  He did and he, he, he sorry to interrupt you.
• 1:17:58
  He, he began to open our eyes to religiosity and the church,
• 1:18:05
  because there was churches around the world playing the
• 1:18:07
  phone call and the church we were going to would not
• 1:18:11
  acknowledge that it even happened.
• 1:18:13
  And, and we were becoming, we were getting quite a bit of
• 1:18:16
  warfare starting to come at us. And they, I mean, the kids at
• 1:18:21
  church made fun of him. And we, we did not people in our
• 1:18:26
  community, you know, largely didn't recognize it.
• 1:18:30
  And so it, it began to open our eyes to church and religion.
• 1:18:37
  And that religion doesn't like, they don't like fresh moves of
• 1:18:43
  the Holy Spirit because it disrupts their box.
• 1:18:48
  Absolutely true. Wow.
• 1:18:55
  Religion doesn't. They're not able to comprehend
• 1:18:59
  the freedom of the Spirit. It's wild to them and it's not
• 1:19:05
  containable. It's not containable,
• 1:19:08
  absolutely. It doesn't fit in the four
• 1:19:11
  walls. It's so true.
• 1:19:15
  I mean, you know, if you think about Jesus rebuking the
• 1:19:18
  Pharisees, this spirit of religion, I think that to be
• 1:19:24
  reminded that there's, you know, the mind of man that's also at
• 1:19:29
  play. Can man capitalize on this?
• 1:19:32
  Is there money to be made on this it can we ride the rails of
• 1:19:37
  this is the way that the mind of the world works?
• 1:19:41
  Wall Street, the president, you know, the, the cabinet, I mean,
• 1:19:45
  when you look at these greater systems that are, you know,
• 1:19:49
  controlling and puppeting our society, there's the mind of man
• 1:19:55
  there. And a lot of the times man is
• 1:19:58
  working in tandem with the Kingdom of darkness, whether
• 1:20:02
  willing or unwilling or knowing or unknowingly.
• 1:20:06
  And so yes, you're right. When the Holy Spirit comes out
• 1:20:08
  of left field and God's like, hey.
• 1:20:11
  I'm about to shake up your whole world.
• 1:20:13
  We're about to flip things upside down.
• 1:20:15
  And I'm going to do it in a peculiar way because you're a
• 1:20:18
  peculiar people. It's fascinating to behold.
• 1:20:22
  And so it's really interesting it.
• 1:20:24
  Please, Please. Yeah.
• 1:20:25
  Go ahead. What did you ever say?
• 1:20:27
  It was, well, it was just coming to my mind how in, in my
• 1:20:32
  journey, I, I would oftentimes go back to the phone call and
• 1:20:37
  go, God, this is so heavy and it's so dark and the things that
• 1:20:41
  are being unveiled that was done to us.
• 1:20:46
  What I, I, you know, I would often go back to the phone call
• 1:20:49
  because it's Rod, it's it, it will still go viral because
• 1:20:54
  somebody will share it and they'll recreate a clip of the
• 1:20:58
  phone call and it, you know, it'll have a million views
• 1:21:01
  again. And I'm just like, wow, God,
• 1:21:05
  what, what are you doing? And in all those times of paying
• 1:21:10
  attention and going, what are you doing?
• 1:21:12
  He he one day spoke so clearly to my heart and he said to the
• 1:21:19
  degree that evil has wanted to use you and your children is to
• 1:21:27
  the degree that I will trump what they have wanted to do.
• 1:21:33
  So then it was like, OK, that's, that's, that's a lot of
• 1:21:42
  darkness. And so the way that that that
• 1:21:53
  I'm kind of seeing is you're dealing with darkness your
• 1:21:56
  entire life, but it's in the background.
• 1:21:59
  You don't know what's going on. 2007 comes along the the
• 1:22:03
  infamous Logan radio station, you know, commentary and then a
• 1:22:11
  whirlwind of a slow awakening. And then you talked about 2018
• 1:22:18
  and this is where the visions. So I'm, I'm seeing the timeline,
• 1:22:22
  right? I'm seeing the time stamp part
• 1:22:25
  of me and it's it's super fascinating.
• 1:22:28
  I mean, with the time, so it's a bit of a cliffhanger, OK,
• 1:22:32
  because we have so much more to get into.
• 1:22:35
  But I want you to give an overview of your book, TJ, and
• 1:22:41
  then tell us where we can find the book.
• 1:22:44
  And then I'll have you close this out with the word
• 1:22:48
  encouragement. So yes, becoming untothered was
• 1:22:55
  my, it, it was part of my, my journey of sorting out my story,
• 1:23:02
  putting on paper. You know, when you see something
• 1:23:05
  on paper, it becomes much more real.
• 1:23:09
  And it was, it was it was a testimony that I hoped would
• 1:23:13
  give people just a glimpse of how unconventional my journey
• 1:23:18
  has been and how God showed up and how he began to give me a
• 1:23:24
  firm biblical foundation to walk on as I explored what happened
• 1:23:31
  to me. And I explored all the the
• 1:23:34
  spiritual bondages I was in because the the generational
• 1:23:37
  bondages on both side, not to mention my story were vast and
• 1:23:41
  immense. And so I, I walk people through
• 1:23:48
  just a, a basic biblical process of, of what that was like for me
• 1:23:53
  of staying grounded in truth and how he began to teach me
• 1:23:58
  personally to it's OK. It's OK to allow yourself to see
• 1:24:02
  in the spirit. You know, he would, he would, I
• 1:24:05
  share how he, he walked me through how he taught Jeremiah.
• 1:24:09
  So in the first book of Jeremiah, he, he taught Jeremiah
• 1:24:14
  how to see in the spirit. He'd be like, OK, Jeremiah, what
• 1:24:16
  do you see? See.
• 1:24:17
  Well, I, I see a pot boiling from the north.
• 1:24:21
  God is like very good. Here's what it means.
• 1:24:24
  And so it's you know, and that's, that's how God is.
• 1:24:28
  That's how he taught me and he mothered me and fathered me that
• 1:24:32
  way. And there's, you know, there's
• 1:24:34
  some, there's a few more heart raw places because I, the, the
• 1:24:44
  emotional pain rod at times was so immense.
• 1:24:48
  I, I didn't, it, it felt like it would crush me.
• 1:24:51
  It was just, it was so painful, so deep.
• 1:24:55
  Oh my God, I don't, I don't know how you're ever going to heal
• 1:24:58
  this because it's so deep. So there's some, there's some
• 1:25:02
  poems in there because in those deep places, there's really not
• 1:25:06
  any other words. There's gives a little bit of
• 1:25:10
  voice to, to Tanya, which is the name I went by till I was 5.
• 1:25:16
  So it's, it's not a, it's not a big book, but it does it, it
• 1:25:21
  talks about the phone call. It talks about what that journey
• 1:25:25
  was like for us. And then it steps into how I
• 1:25:27
  begin to understand my story and some of the biblical process
• 1:25:31
  that supported me. So the book, the book can be
• 1:25:35
  found on Amazon. It's also in an audio form.
• 1:25:39
  And then my website, tjhenderson.com, you can also
• 1:25:45
  find the book. You can also find access to some
• 1:25:48
  prayers that I have written. I've began to write many prayers
• 1:25:55
  because it was necessary for ongoing freedom for me and my
• 1:25:58
  family. Dan's prayers, Dandy Ball's
• 1:26:02
  prayers were they were godsend at right that just the right
• 1:26:06
  time. You know, it began to open my
• 1:26:07
  understanding and I have have prayed some of Dan's prayers
• 1:26:12
  many, many, many times. And then I began to write even
• 1:26:17
  more in depth prayers and I just my word of encouragement is it
• 1:26:27
  doesn't matter how deep and dark your story is.
• 1:26:31
  It don't matter what your dictions are.
• 1:26:33
  It doesn't matter how broken you feel.
• 1:26:38
  We serve a God, Yahweh King Yeshua, who he can do the
• 1:26:46
  miraculous at any point in any time.
• 1:26:51
  And but I but I will tell you he is much more about relationship
• 1:26:58
  and the turning then he is about showy miracles.
• 1:27:05
  He loves that connection with us and he loves to show up in ways
• 1:27:11
  that just awe us and amaze us and bewilder us.
• 1:27:18
  And his presence is it's it's ever constant.
• 1:27:23
  There is there is no darkness greater then the finished work
• 1:27:30
  of Jesus Christ. Truly, truly.
• 1:27:34
  And I, I have sat with survivors who, you know, they're have
• 1:27:40
  struggled with alcohol, they've struggled with, with sexual
• 1:27:43
  addictions that are just like, you know, some of some of the
• 1:27:49
  SRA trauma is it's so horrendous that it just like weaves into
• 1:27:54
  you things that you never think you'll get rid of.
• 1:27:59
  And it and sexual addictions there, this is a whole other
• 1:28:03
  topic for another time. But the church doesn't know what
• 1:28:07
  to do with them. And for some people, they're
• 1:28:12
  woven in so deeply and craftily woven that you, you have to take
• 1:28:20
  the time to know the story. You have to go, OK, this isn't
• 1:28:26
  just a place I'm failing yet again.
• 1:28:31
  It's like, what? What is here?
• 1:28:33
  When did it start? What is this?
• 1:28:36
  Show me what's the spiritual bondages behind it?
• 1:28:39
  What's the legal rights to it? So my encouragement always is,
• 1:28:47
  it doesn't matter, doesn't matter how deep or dark your
• 1:28:51
  story is, that I am living proof he can show up a multitude of
• 1:28:57
  ways and bring exactly what is needed at just the right time.
• 1:29:05
  My husband is a very humble, salt of the earth, hard working
• 1:29:09
  guy. He's the one that puts
• 1:29:11
  hamburgers on your plate and the steaks you love to eat.
• 1:29:14
  He's the one that makes that happen.
• 1:29:17
  He, he, I, I, I tease him about, you know, you have a lot of
• 1:29:24
  testimony to share just from walking with me.
• 1:29:29
  And he, he probably can sometimes give a better
• 1:29:32
  perspective of how, how hard it was and how rough it was at
• 1:29:36
  times and how many times I felt like I was yet again up against
• 1:29:41
  the wall. And it's like, OK, God, now what
• 1:29:44
  I have, I have no idea. I, I know nobody who knows how
• 1:29:49
  to deal with this. And he he has shown up every
• 1:29:55
  single time. TJ that is so good.
• 1:30:01
  It, I I'm so happy that we got connected.
• 1:30:08
  Yeah, it's, it's really good. I, I feel moved to, to read and
• 1:30:15
  I haven't done this in a long time, but I'm going to read a
• 1:30:17
  quick poem that I wrote that that I think summarizes the
• 1:30:20
  healing parts of the healing journey.
• 1:30:23
  And I think it's going to resonate with with you, TJ and,
• 1:30:26
  and many other listeners out there.
• 1:30:29
  It's called my scars. I tend to them while healing
• 1:30:35
  each and everyone. They leave behind the memory of
• 1:30:39
  every time I won, never with disdain and never with
• 1:30:43
  discourse. I endured every single scar and
• 1:30:47
  all that they enforce, I'll share them with moments past.
• 1:30:51
  The visions often haunt. They never defined my existence
• 1:30:56
  and they make for much less want.
• 1:30:59
  These are my scars. I wear them all with an evolved
• 1:31:02
  distinction, and they stitch me back together with a massive,
• 1:31:06
  pure perfection. I've nothing left to lose.
• 1:31:09
  I've gained the lessons dealt. Take what I can offer now and
• 1:31:14
  remove these tattered bandages. Gracefully, I let them stare.
• 1:31:18
  They refused to see its beauty. My scars remind me that I did
• 1:31:23
  service to my duty. I can remember when I wished I
• 1:31:27
  didn't have these thoughts to bear.
• 1:31:30
  In times I laid near death. I wished for life in deep
• 1:31:34
  despair, earning every single stitch.
• 1:31:37
  I watched the transformation alone with my absolution.
• 1:31:42
  I was drowning in observations, mesmerized by the steps my body
• 1:31:47
  had to adhere, always understanding that each wound
• 1:31:52
  was not to fear. Healing came when finally my
• 1:31:56
  heart and mind could defend. The scars upon my body and soul
• 1:32:01
  are written by life's pen. Now I'm able to show the beauty
• 1:32:08
  of the survivor in my persistence.
• 1:32:11
  These are the scars that remain by far the evidence of my
• 1:32:16
  faith's existence. Scars.
• 1:32:24
  Oh, words. There's there's glimmers in
• 1:32:29
  there of my own journey and I hope others can relate to it.
• 1:32:34
  And TJ, your book, I have not read it yet, but based on this
• 1:32:38
  conversation, it is on the checklist of things for me to
• 1:32:41
  read. And I'm going to highly
• 1:32:43
  recommend my audience gets a copy of untethered and I will be
• 1:32:47
  putting those links in the details of the show notes where
• 1:32:49
  you guys can get a copy of T JS book.
• 1:32:52
  And it's absolute honor to get together with you.
• 1:32:56
  Part 2. Definitely.
• 1:32:58
  We're going to be scheduling a Part 2 here in the near future.
• 1:33:00
  Any last words before we close out?
• 1:33:05
  It's, it's a, it's an honor to sit with you.
• 1:33:07
  And I love just, I, I love having spaces to be, to be real,
• 1:33:13
  to be real about my story and to be, to, to walk in the deeper
• 1:33:18
  waters of, of who he is and what he wants to do and expose.
• 1:33:25
  Because there's, there's a, there's a whole lot to to share
• 1:33:30
  that he has been revealing and doing and making a way through.
• 1:33:38
  He is absolutely the one who makes a way where there seems
• 1:33:41
  like there's no way. Yeah, over and over again.
• 1:33:46
  Over and over again. Well, that's the episode.
• 1:33:49
  You guys share this with friends, family members, Co
• 1:33:52
  workers, share it with the hurting black sheep of your
• 1:33:55
  family if you're listening to this because they need it.
• 1:33:59
  And we're coming to you from Southeastern Pennsylvania.
• 1:34:02
  God bless and goodbye. Try and trust no one.
• 1:34:19
  Stay light, stay bright you stay light.
• 1:34:24
  Stay light you. Stay bright.
• 1:34:28
  Stay light you. Stay you.
• 1:35:08
  heart, would you shine your light?
• 1:35:11
  If I let this thing start, pull me through the night.
• 1:35:14
  Cancel and brave. Come take a ride with me.
• 1:35:17
  Let's take a look at all the things that life was supposed to
• 1:35:20
  be. Look me in the eyes.
• 1:35:22
  I want to see your light. Shine.
• 1:35:25
  Beauty and passion. Just like it's the first time.
• 1:35:28
  Oh my baby, I'm a gentleman at heart, unless you win the
• 1:35:32
  service of my enemy or worker. Rather dark.
• 1:35:35
  I speak light words and happy moments, Lighting my eyes,
• 1:35:39
  staring back your dark opponents.