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MIA AND BARBIE DISCUSS DIRTY THINGS · CALL ME MISTRESS

0:03
Hi, welcome to the latest episode of Mistress Mia's
0:06
Dungeon. I'm your Hostess, Mistress Mia,
0:09
and you know the Barbie. Speed rushing, chewing a pretzel
0:16
so I could say hi in time. It's OK, take your time.
0:21
So Barbie and I have not recorded an episode in almost a
0:26
month and 1/2. We both went to jail.
0:30
Well, you might have. I did disappear.
0:33
I disappeared for like 2 weeks on Mia you.
0:35
Did you did? But I couldn't talk anyway.
0:38
And as if the listeners couldn't already tell they're going to be
0:42
hearing my voice, I actually have ulcers on my vocal cords.
0:46
So sad. It is sad.
0:48
I I'd gotten a virus and then an accumulation of the virus
0:54
attacking my vocal cords and acid from getting so sick and
1:01
everything else for three weeks I was really sick.
1:05
The doctor told me the ENT said you've got a bunch of ulcers on
1:11
your vocal cords. And so I'm just now starting to
1:15
actually talk. Yeah, 'cause I feel like last
1:17
time I talked to you, you were like texting on your phone.
1:20
The whole time that's all I could really do.
1:23
And so now he, it's been a month and a half almost.
1:27
But the doctor said, you know, I'm really not going to have
1:30
full capacity of my voice for four months.
1:33
Yeah. So yay.
1:37
Yeah, we had a we had a party. Oh, it's been a minute.
1:39
Because we didn't get to film like right after the party, but
1:43
we had a party and Mia couldn't talk.
1:45
So it was like playing charades at the door to see like what she
1:49
was trying to get us to tell people.
1:51
I was guessing wildly incorrectly and going with
1:53
whatever I said. So.
1:56
Well, you know, and I kept, I was using that that text to talk
2:01
and I can't text quick enough and I'm always this type of
2:05
person I'm going to have. To text her so I would have died
2:07
if I had to do. That I'm telling, it's terrible
2:09
because you know, when you want to say something, it's like you
2:11
can't get it out, you can't say it.
2:13
And then so I was telling Bree. Bree was supposed to be my right
2:16
hand man. Yeah.
2:19
Do the love, Bree. But that was never going to
2:20
work. It was.
2:21
Never going to work and. That girl loves to wander, Oh my
2:24
God. And she was telling people, oh,
2:27
yeah, Mia's sick. She can't talk.
2:29
I'm like, please tell people I'm not contagious.
2:31
Please tell people it's not infectious.
2:34
People need to know these things.
2:36
Speaking of infectious, one time it was like 2 years ago there
2:40
was like a goth night at this punk bar we all like and a whole
2:43
punk scene with there and this one bitch showed up and she had
2:48
I want to say like strep and every fucking person at that
2:53
event got strep at the same time.
2:55
I shit you not, it was literally like like 20 different people
2:59
like were out with strep. It like took the whole scene out
3:03
for like 3 weeks. It was literally insane.
3:06
I managed to get out of that. Like I got sick for like a day,
3:10
but dude, like I remember like like someone like well got on
3:14
Instagram, they're like, yeah, so and so went to the party
3:16
sick. That's why everyone has strep
3:18
now for that picture part that comments.
3:22
I was like, holy fuck, why did you do that?
3:25
Especially because it was around COVID time too.
3:28
So what is going on? Wow.
3:31
Well, before we get to the party, I'm going to tell you a
3:33
little bit about my trip. So two days before I left, my
3:38
niece comes over. She's going to watch my my
3:41
babies and everything. And she hugged me, hugged her.
3:46
And I got the virus from her. And she was sick for a month.
3:51
But she had her voice. It didn't bother her.
3:55
Yeah. But Needless to say, I went to
3:59
Vermont for my sister in law's wedding.
4:02
It was gorgeous. But when you go up to Vermont,
4:05
you drive through in parts of New York and New York, there's
4:10
one bathroom at one little place for 3040 plus miles.
4:15
Oh wow, it's awful. It is so bad.
4:19
Is that like 'cause it's rural or?
4:22
There's parts of it that were rural, but there's other parts.
4:25
We were on the Interstate. They don't have rest areas.
4:28
Pop squat. It's terrible, you know, and you
4:33
know, in Florida we're spoiled. Like we have beautiful
4:36
Interstate. So yeah, but we have beautiful
4:39
Interstate. We have, you know, beautiful
4:41
roads. We have, you know, really nice
4:43
rest areas. And I'm telling you, the further
4:47
you keep going north, how's it really it's?
4:49
Awful. I haven't gone that far north.
4:51
It's, it's so bad. You know, there's beautiful
4:54
parts to New York when you're not in the city, you know, yeah,
4:58
parts of, you know, upstate and everything.
5:00
And but it's like stopping at a little place and it's a little
5:04
hole in the wall and it's the only place around and they have
5:07
one bathroom. And they know exactly why you're
5:09
there. Oh yeah, I mean, it's terrible.
5:12
And Oh my God, I, I would wait in the lines to get in the
5:15
bathrooms and it's just like you wait in line just for anything
5:19
and everything to get a. UTI doing all that.
5:20
It was terrible. You're you're a better woman
5:24
than me because I am. I have been known to grab a
5:27
napkin out of my purse and go. I'll see you in a minute.
5:29
Go behind a dumpster. I don't know, You know, my
5:33
husband is one of those people where he's just like, Oh my God,
5:36
you're going to get arrested. I'm like.
5:38
Look, my dad like that. See, I'm like, look, I'm a
5:42
pretty girl. I'm not going to be weird if I'm
5:45
pissing in public, thank you. They're just going to be like,
5:47
baby, you need to go to a bathroom.
5:48
No, they're. Going to be like, hey, can I
5:50
take a picture of that? Right, yes, come on.
5:53
We're not you know, we don't have big Dicks swinging around.
5:56
You know, it's like, come the fuck on.
5:58
And then I told my husband, I'm like, look, you have a penis,
6:01
you can get out. And he's like, I'm not going to
6:04
I can't do it. I can't do.
6:05
It also on the side of the Interstate.
6:07
I don't think a cop's going to, like, get you.
6:09
Yeah, and there it was so many. There was like rural roads too.
6:13
Once you got off the Interstate, there's nothing around.
6:16
Well, also because it's like they usually arrest you for
6:19
public urination because it's like you're exposing yourself or
6:23
you're peeing on property. If you're just like on the
6:26
Interstate pulled over and you're in the tree line pissing,
6:31
they don't give a fuck. I know you love this
6:33
conversation right now. Thank you.
6:35
Me and I discussed were to pee publicly for 5 minutes.
6:40
That is OK, It is all right. But I will say you and I, Barb,
6:44
we need to take a road trip and. So we can pee on the side of the
6:47
road. Exactly, exactly.
6:48
And then we'll do the like the honking.
6:50
Motion, we'll be downtown, we'll like be done drinking, clubbing.
6:54
And we used to park. I don't know why we used to park
6:58
all the way at one side of downtown because it was free
7:00
parking. Yeah.
7:01
We parked there like the first time we went out.
7:03
And then that was just where we always parked.
7:05
I shit you not. It's like a mile walk.
7:06
And so at the end of the night, we're walking like the 20-30
7:09
minutes to our car and there's no bathrooms, There's no
7:12
nothing. And, you know, like when the
7:14
drinks hit you, you know how many times to go.
7:16
Oh, yeah. It's, it's a gaggle of girls
7:19
looking for a, a tall Bush to hide behind.
7:21
Yeah. And I've done that.
7:23
Now I'm smarter. I park closer to the clerb so I
7:26
don't have to run like 45 minutes back to my car.
7:29
But at the time we were like, it's cheap parking.
7:33
You were like, there's cheap parking everywhere.
7:34
Get over it. Right.
7:36
But no, it I sometimes have to pee and I just like my body
7:41
doesn't tell me until it's like, OK, you're going to piss
7:43
yourself in five seconds if you don't find a bathroom.
7:46
So I'll tell you, we get to Vermont.
7:49
Everything was a rush, rush situation.
7:52
Yeah, now I'm listening because I've got a cough drop in my
7:55
mouth. But we get there.
7:58
It's late. I had to cook for his family we
8:01
were staying with had to. Yes.
8:04
Well, a little bit of both. OK.
8:06
You know, I wanted to help. You know, we had rented this big
8:09
Airbnb for their family and for my in laws and everything.
8:14
And, you know, his parents were going out to meet the other
8:17
family and it was, you know, his elderly grandparents and
8:21
everything. So it's like I got to cook for
8:22
these people. I can't just not, you know,
8:25
right. But I felt bad.
8:27
We're doing all this the next day.
8:29
It's the wedding. We go to the wedding.
8:32
The best part was I got hit on by a waitress.
8:38
That was the best part. It was like, this is great.
8:40
How old is she? She was probably mid 20s, maybe
8:44
2526. She's a little older than you.
8:48
Sexy brunette, great body, perfect titties, like really
8:52
sexy woman. It was interesting because she
8:56
kept coming and bringing this hors d'oeuvre.
8:58
It was prosciutto wrapped in leek salad.
9:01
And I was like, oh, this is so good.
9:03
I said, darling, you don't have to, you know, twist my arm to
9:06
keep, you know, getting these hors d'oeuvres.
9:08
These are amazing. So I would take one and then
9:11
give another one to my husband. And she says, well, you can
9:14
twist my arm later if you want. Oh my goodness.
9:17
I know. I was like, oh, OK, you know.
9:22
And so my husband. She liked an older woman.
9:25
She liked an older woman. It was interesting.
9:29
She was feeding you. She was like, I like them big.
9:31
So she kept pumping over doors at you.
9:33
So. I walk away and my husband then
9:43
says, you heard what she said, didn't you?
9:48
And I said, yes, honey, I I I heard that.
9:51
And he's like, yeah, well, you know, And the thing it is in
9:54
parts of Vermont, we're literally staying in a village.
9:57
There's no hotels. Yeah, that's it.
10:00
You either rent an Airbnb or you go to AAB and B.
10:04
And so he's like, yeah, so much for your idea of staying with
10:08
family, with all of us. You could have been fucking the
10:11
hot waitress while I watched. And I was like, look, I get it.
10:15
I'm sorry. It was funny as you didn't say
10:18
anything. She said it.
10:20
She. Said it.
10:21
He's mad at you because she had on you?
10:23
Yeah. He was mad that we couldn't do a
10:25
follow up because he told me he's like, I know the rules, I
10:31
just watch, that's what I want to do.
10:33
And I said I know. I said I'm sorry I rented this
10:37
airbeam because he didn't want to stay with his family.
10:39
He wanted to get a hotel. But you know the.
10:42
Hotels. Were 45 minutes away.
10:46
Yeah, it was a hassle. I'd miss it this time.
10:51
But Needless to say, we we had a great time at the wedding.
10:56
And of course, with all of this, I'm losing my voice.
11:01
I was speaking a little better than I am now.
11:04
We they had a high karaoke guy that was doing everything.
11:08
And so he's passing around the microphones to everyone.
11:13
And so then my husband turns around and he's like, you've got
11:15
to sing, you know, because I was a voice major, you know, studied
11:18
apparatus, studied jazz. You know, I'm like, well, you
11:23
know, I'm sick, but OK, I'll, I'll swing it.
11:26
I'll do it. So I get up, I sing for almost
11:29
an hour. An hour, yes.
11:31
What do you sing for an hour? Well.
11:33
Different songs I sang like Adele, Bob Seger.
11:37
You know, it was funny because I started singing Jolene and then
11:42
I sang another song about cheating that Adele sings.
11:45
And then I said to my my sister-in-law just got married
11:48
to her husband. I said hey guys, this is no
11:51
reflection on you that I keep singing songs.
11:53
Like they're just popular songs. Just.
11:56
Popular song. Every popular song is about
11:59
cheating. And before I started singing,
12:01
one of his uncles was being so obnoxious because they were
12:04
already, you know, drunk at this point, you know?
12:07
As you should be. Right.
12:08
It was getting feedback because I had another microphone on the
12:11
table. So of course I go over and I
12:13
said, hey, I hear your voice. You want to keep talking or you
12:17
want to shut up while I get ready to sing.
12:19
And he's like, oh, I'm sorry, I'll be quiet.
12:23
So does this is this is his family, so they don't know what
12:27
you do. They have no idea.
12:28
OK, that's none. Yeah, none whatsoever.
12:32
How do they feel about y'all being such an age gap?
12:35
You know, they were really questioning things at the very
12:40
beginning. I mean, we've been together 11
12:41
years, right? But you know, he was only 21.
12:47
And how old 32? Yeah, I was 13 years older at
12:50
the time. I mean it's.
12:54
One of my friends showed up with a 33 year old.
12:57
I think I'd also ask questions. Ryan.
12:59
I actually had that happen to me.
13:01
I had a friend when we were 21, she was dating a 32 year old.
13:06
Did not end well. He was weird but.
13:10
And then his grandmother said to him, well, you need to get a
13:12
prenup. And I'm like what the fuck
13:14
you're the one with? Money.
13:15
Thank you. Thank you.
13:21
They're screwing him over with that, yeah.
13:23
They had no idea. That's so funny.
13:27
Isn't that funny? It's usually the opposite.
13:29
Like usually you get a prenup for the younger person.
13:31
Yeah, not a prenup for the older person.
13:33
Right. That's hilarious.
13:35
It was so funny. But at that point, you know, I
13:38
had, my sister-in-law had lived with us for a brief time.
13:43
And, you know, she was 26. She was still a virgin.
13:46
She was still very sheltered at home.
13:48
And when she came down here, you know, I helped her.
13:52
I exposed her to a lot, you know, the dating scene.
13:55
And I told her eventually what I do, you know, But it was quite
14:02
funny because I know that she likes BDSM.
14:07
Yeah. At some point, we all get
14:10
together the last day. We're all there and we're all at
14:14
the Airbnb and I said, hey guys, let's take a big family photo.
14:19
Let's do one really serious picture and then we'll do one
14:23
silly picture. So when her and her husband are
14:27
doing the silly picture, he goes and acts like he's choking her.
14:34
And she looked like she enjoyed it way too much.
14:37
That's super funny. So funny, but it was a great
14:41
time. It really was.
14:43
We all had a great time. And then, like I said, I got
14:45
back and you know, you and I are just catching up.
14:49
We are so the party, yes, So the day after the party.
14:53
This is why we didn't record. I was.
14:56
There actually, it was the first time I spent the night.
15:00
When did you sleep well? I did you had this little bed.
15:03
I did. I felt very magical in there.
15:05
It was this bed. No one played on it.
15:07
I checked, but it was this bed Mia has in the living room and
15:12
you have the the these super tall ceilings with like this
15:15
giant chandelier and you had on these like water lights and red
15:19
lights and I was laying there. I was like, oh, I only just need
15:22
like an ocean wave soundtrack and I'm never leaving this room.
15:26
I sent it to my friends. I was like, look where I'm
15:27
sleeping. What the fuck are you?
15:31
I never spend the night. I literally have driven home
15:34
from me. Is it like what, 4:00 in the
15:35
morning before and you're like spend the night?
15:37
I'm like, no, I'm so hard to track down.
15:43
I'm. So sure.
15:44
I'm I'm an elusive little fucker.
15:47
So tell us, tell the listeners, what was your perspective on the
15:51
party, what you think? Oh.
15:53
The party's really fun. I feel like I I know I really
15:58
like the setup of this party. I know that's such like a non
16:01
answer, like everyone wants to hear about the tank and I'm
16:03
like, I really like how we arranged the tense.
16:07
But I did because I think I've been talking to you for like a
16:10
while now about like optimizing arrangement because I'm.
16:15
Taking your advice. Yeah, well, the way we had it
16:17
before was good. But I feel like because I know
16:20
me and you have talked about condensing everything and how it
16:23
makes the party feel more lively.
16:25
And when you kind of put people more on top of each other, not
16:28
like in a tiny way, but like, it makes parties feel fuller and it
16:32
makes people more like, oh, I just whacked the hell of the
16:34
mic. It makes the people more like
16:38
likely to play, you know, especially like when they're up
16:40
on top of each other and they can't escape it.
16:43
And you can't like. Well, because before like there
16:46
was too many dark corners so everyone would run off in a dark
16:49
corner and then the party looks empty now, like no dark corners,
16:52
you all have to hold hands in the circle.
16:54
I'm just kidding. But we put like 4 tents together
16:57
and made like one big room. We filled it with carpets and
17:00
beds and pillows and lights. So cool in there and people
17:04
loved it. Like there's people playing in
17:06
there all night. We put like one piece of kink
17:09
furniture and a few beds. Like I'm pretty sure like a
17:13
small gangbang happened in there.
17:14
There was like BDSM happening and then there was a bunch of
17:17
like seats. So there's a lot of people
17:19
watching too. And it was right next to the
17:22
pool. So that was super fun and yeah,
17:25
I enjoyed this part. I feel like it was a really good
17:27
vibe. Everyone who came was like
17:30
participating, you know, like, because sometimes you get people
17:33
who come to parties and just kind of sit there and there's
17:35
nothing wrong with it. But this, we had a it was a good
17:37
crowd. Everyone who came was like down
17:40
and like doing stuff, you know, with a girl orgy fell through.
17:43
But that was my fault. I don't know how to organize an
17:46
orgy and I don't know why I volunteered to help do that.
17:49
A great job. You did the fabulous job.
17:51
We're interested in doing it. And then at 11, I was doing a
17:54
scene or supposed to start and one of the the swingers couple
18:00
came up to me and it was the husband.
18:01
He was like, hey, is, is the order going to happen?
18:04
And I was just like I don't know in my head I was like y'all know
18:08
how to have sex just go have an orgy.
18:11
Do I have to point where y'all are supposed to go do it?
18:14
Like and I'm not trying to be rude I was just stressed because
18:17
I was like he didn't know but he was like the 8th person that
18:20
asked me about this damn orgy I'm not in.
18:21
And I'm like, I don't know, go find bitches.
18:26
The fuck I don't know what I'm doing.
18:28
You were like hey come here girl, come here, lick her pussy.
18:31
Dude, I'm just like you. You there, you there.
18:35
I'm just passing. Out her face Well.
18:38
You know the I don't know what she wants to go by, but I'll
18:41
call her. What's a Yee Haw cow?
18:44
Yeah. She wanted to be involved and
18:46
she's hot. Everyone likes her.
18:48
Fuck yeah. Throw a little trans girl in the
18:50
orgy. It's going to be great.
18:53
That all natural strap. Right there.
18:54
Fuck yeah. She's gorgeous.
18:57
Well, good. Maybe it'll happen this time.
18:59
Yeah. So is the your next one like a
19:02
party party or like? Yeah, you know.
19:04
It started off because when you first told me about it.
19:07
Yes, I downplayed it. Yeah, well, that's kind of why I
19:10
was like, part of me was like, I don't really know anybody.
19:13
If it's like an intimate party, it might be weird if I go, but
19:15
now that I know it's like not I'm like, I'll go.
19:18
Exactly. Why do I get so shy like I know
19:22
my work here. Because everybody likes you.
19:25
You're such a likable person, so.
19:27
Shy. You're such a likable person,
19:29
you know, He had someone that wrote me on fat life the other
19:32
day. Were they asking you to take me
19:36
off the podcast? No they were not, he actually
19:44
said. Hello Mistress Mia, just a
19:46
message to say I love your podcast with the addition of
19:48
Barbie. You guys bring such a new and
19:51
fun dynamic. I laughed during all the
19:53
podcasts with her. Also loving your mistress me a
19:57
bedtime story. I reckon you should have a
19:59
separate podcast channel dedicated to your stories.
20:02
It'll be much easier to have them listen to actually listen
20:06
to them. Anyway, keep up with a fantastic
20:08
podcast. Oh nice, that was the gentleman.
20:11
Aw, that's sweet. Thank you.
20:13
That was so sweet, wasn't it? But you know, I'm like you.
20:18
I took your advice to condense the party.
20:21
You know, when I I had it in my mind initially, you know, we're
20:24
doing the birthday party for Storm.
20:27
I was like, you know, I always feel like why should I slide
20:31
everybody and just turn it into or have it as a small party when
20:35
I could make it a big party and invite more people?
20:37
Yeah, you know. I like how you do it.
20:39
You just open it like how the open dungeon was.
20:42
Yeah. And if people want to show up,
20:43
they can, you know, and without the expectation of all the work
20:47
you have to do for, like, a normal party.
20:49
Yeah. Are you going to do?
20:50
I'm still yeah, I'm going to put out snacks.
20:52
I'm going to do. The charcoal, Our last open
20:54
dungeon meal was like Hannah I Oh.
20:57
That's OK, I'll go. Back our last dungeon party meal
20:59
was like Barbie I'm going to keep it chill I'm not going to
21:02
cook a bunch of food I'm just going to put out a few chips and
21:06
then I show up and I'm almost like Mia, you made club
21:09
sandwiches like there was like food out and I was like this is
21:12
not chill but you know what Mia likes doing it I.
21:15
Do it's? OK, I'm like, I, I feel that
21:18
like, because every time me and my friends plan an event, I'm
21:21
always like, I'm doing all the planning and they're like, well,
21:23
you absolutely love planning the event.
21:26
And I'm like, you're right, so I can't complain.
21:29
I think I'm going to make a lot of hoagies, honestly.
21:32
People love the hoagie sandwiches.
21:33
Cut them in like little little slices.
21:35
Yeah, they love that. I know I always, when I first
21:38
started coming to your parties, I always joke that you cook food
21:41
that's going to put my ass to sleep.
21:43
I'm like, I'm like, I can't eat this Stew because I'm going to
21:45
pass out in the yard and not in a fun way.
21:49
You know, my mom cracks me up because she and my father used
21:53
to do big parties, but they didn't have swinger orgy
21:56
parties. Your mom, Yes.
21:58
Oh yeah. But Needless to say, she's like,
22:01
why don't you want to do like a weenie roast?
22:03
And I said mom because everybody's too busy fucking.
22:07
And she said, well, how about. Make a weenie would end up
22:09
somewhere we don't want. Thank you.
22:11
And then she's like, well, how about just make a pot of chili?
22:13
Make it easy? I said Mom, you do.
22:15
Where? People are putting things on
22:16
their ass. Thank you, I said.
22:18
Mom, you can't serve beans at a fucking sex party.
22:23
I didn't say fucking with my mom, but I said but you can't
22:26
make beans at a sex party and she's like you need.
22:28
Like Pedialyte fruit. Just salty food.
22:36
Salty food. Bread.
22:39
Pineapples I I said a myth I've always heard people say like if
22:44
guys eat a bunch of pineapples, it makes their come sweet and I
22:48
feel like that's not true because I feel like girls think
22:50
that happens when they drink like when they when they eat a
22:53
lot of fruit too. And I'm like, I don't think, I
22:56
don't think it works like that. You know, see, I've.
22:58
Read on that specific topic in news journals and everything
23:04
else and people have said doctors have stated that it is
23:08
part of the acidic of the pineapple.
23:10
That's different than like a citrus fruit.
23:13
Who? Did they get to do the taste
23:14
test I. Don't know how much pineapple
23:17
did they have to eat right? Would it be like like the
23:21
control cup of jizz, like everyone just kind of put a
23:23
finger in there or something and then he ate pineapple for a few
23:26
days or something like. Let's test this cum here.
23:31
But I I will tell you I told you this you know that I had I dated
23:37
a guy who was Amerasian, half Filipino half half white guy.
23:43
Sexy is just beautiful man. But his cum had no taste.
23:48
Oh and it was. Honestly it's amazing.
23:51
I love that. Would suck and dry every chance
23:54
I got because. The first Dick I ever sucked was
23:58
an Asian guy and I had the opposite experience.
24:01
It was so bad I'm pretty sure it gave me like a stomach ache.
24:05
Oh God. But then I saw I thought that
24:07
was just how come tasted and but then when I ended up like
24:11
hooking up with another guy, his was quite normal.
24:14
Like it wasn't like tasteless, but it was just like fine.
24:19
Like it wasn't my favorite thing in the world, but manageable,
24:22
you know? So what men don't realize is if
24:28
obviously they don't come for a while, you know, it does change
24:32
the consistency and come, but at the same time if they hydrate
24:37
and drink a lot of water. Also if they eat good food.
24:41
I mean, it's the same thing with a vagina.
24:43
It's the same kind exactly because like.
24:45
If a girl eats like junk food all the time, that shit can burn
24:48
through the carpet. Like, I mean, you just got to
24:51
eat, right. I, I have been known to like
24:54
before I know I'm going to be going on a date or something, I
24:57
will have a week prior where I'm just slamming the water and I'm
25:00
like suddenly I have to eat clean.
25:02
Guys, balance this pH. It's been fun eating like shit
25:07
but I got a lock in. So I'm going to tell you just a
25:10
real quick funny story, Barbie. OK, so one of the Doms who I've
25:16
known for years, she, she's no longer in the area she moved,
25:21
but she came to do a session in my living room when I first
25:25
bought this house. And we had just did the floors.
25:29
My husband and I, we put down the tile and there was still
25:33
grout residue all over the tile. There was still mortar on top of
25:38
the tile where we've washed the tile, but it was still there.
25:41
Yeah. So we had this huge because
25:44
they're big ceilings, like you had said, But we had this huge
25:47
scaffolding set up. It was 20 feet tall in the
25:51
living room, and I was doing sessions in there.
25:54
Well, she was doing a session one night.
25:56
It was late Saturday night. I said, hey, look, I've already
26:00
put chains and handcuffs on the scaffolding.
26:02
All this guy wants is for you to chain them up, beat them up a
26:06
little bit and then piss all over them, OK?
26:10
And she's like, well, do you care about your floor?
26:12
I said no. I said we don't have any
26:14
furniture. We just laid the tile.
26:16
We're good. You know, I still haven't.
26:17
Cleaned the grout dry. Yeah, everything was dry, but
26:20
you could still see the mortar and the grout residue on the
26:23
tile. And it's like, you know, it's
26:25
white tiles and you can see where it was, like, really?
26:29
So now this is somebody who all she drinks is fucking Coke and
26:34
Red Bull. Oh my God, I know that piss was
26:37
orange. Oh no, Oh no, it wasn't orange.
26:40
Let me tell you that piss was so strong with acid the next
26:47
morning. The grout was gone.
26:50
The grout was gone. I wish she'd fucking peed all
26:53
over the fucking floor because that.
26:55
Floor was. Shining bright because it
26:58
literally ate through all the fucking grout residue and mortar
27:02
residue. Crazy.
27:05
With love and light. I know that Peach is insane.
27:08
It was insane. I know her panties are bleached
27:10
white. It was crazy.
27:13
I'm the kind of girl that I love my pee to be almost clear.
27:17
I know that's so weird but like if my pee is like a normal
27:20
yellow I'm like I failed. Well, you know, you can take out
27:26
a lot of vitamins, but you know, you hydrate.
27:28
Like you said, you hydrate, you take care of yourself.
27:30
Well, I took fenugreek for a while, which is like this.
27:34
Like, I don't know, I don't want to call it a vitamin.
27:37
I'm not actually sure what it was, but a lot of girls, it's
27:40
like some like supplement, I'll just call it that, where a lot
27:44
of girls were saying if you take it, it makes your sweat kind of
27:48
smell like Maple syrup. And then some girls are saying
27:51
it makes your like Cootie cat taste like Maple syrup and but
27:54
it's also like a deep bloater and stuff like that.
27:57
So I took it just because I was like, I don't mind the de
27:59
bloating. I don't mind like extra like
28:01
this or that. But yeah, I don't know if it
28:04
ever did that because I think I didn't take it that consistency.
28:07
But there's a few things I saw a few like supplements I took just
28:12
to see because like they're fine supplements to take.
28:16
But then I wanted to see if all the rumors were true, like bee
28:18
pollen. They say bee pollen to make your
28:20
titties big, but bee pollen's just good for you in general.
28:23
So it's like I was like, oh, I'll take bee pollen because
28:26
it's good for me. And also if my titties get big,
28:28
I won't be mad. And so that's what I did.
28:32
Oh my God, that's great. Same thing with nettle tea, like
28:35
they said, it makes your hair grow, but it's also just good
28:37
for your like blood pressure and stuff.
28:39
And so I was like, I can drink nettle tea, it's good for my
28:42
blood pressure. But if my hair grows but I don't
28:48
use, I try not to use product like like Vagisil or anything
28:54
like that, since they say it's not good for you.
28:55
Yeah, I. Agree.
28:56
You know, they say try to use just like warm water and stuff
29:00
as like much as you can or all natural things, because if
29:04
you're putting like Vagisil or you're using those like vag
29:06
wipes a lot like that is like, especially if they're perfumed
29:10
like those are not good for you. Like it will just it, you'll
29:14
smell good in the moment, but it's not going to last.
29:17
Your body's going to be thrown off.
29:18
That's why you get like all that weird shit going on.
29:21
Also like can give you Utis and stuff.
29:23
So like I always try to keep it natural down there and I'm like,
29:26
look, it's a vagina. It's not meant to smell like
29:28
fucking like candy and like cotton candy roses.
29:31
It's meant to smell like clean skin.
29:33
Exactly. As long as, as long as I'm
29:35
smelling like clean skin, I'm good.
29:36
I don't want to smell like a Jolly Rancher.
29:38
It's like water, you know it's not supposed to have a.
29:40
Taste right? Clean skin.
29:43
Yeah, just neutral smell like I don't have to.
29:47
I'm with you. 'Cause I'll be like, make your
29:49
vagina smell like, like vanilla. It's like vagina.
29:54
But I wish that bitch had pissed all over my floor.
29:56
I'm just saying 'cause that shit was so easy.
29:59
I'd. Be so stressed, like I remember
30:01
I went to my friend's house and a girl went to the bathroom
30:03
before me and she had peed in the toilet and forgot to flush
30:06
'cause she was drunk and that piss was so Mountain Dew yellow
30:09
green. I was like holy fuck what's
30:11
wrong with you? I never in my life seen pissed
30:16
that color. Wow I'm scared of it.
30:18
That shit was strong. What is up with this time?
30:21
I pissed but not. But not in the way they want us
30:25
to, I don't. Know I don't know well, Barbie,
30:28
will you pee on somebody let's end it on that note we.
30:31
Don't know. You got to pee on somebody
30:33
eventually. She'll be ready.
30:35
Mia. Last night my friend was like
30:38
sitting on my lap. She's like I have to pee.
30:39
I was like, do not pee on me. She's like I would never pee on
30:42
somebody. I said same.
30:43
And I've been asked. She's like wait, how much money?
30:48
And I told her she was like, wait, I do that.
30:50
I paid for that. Fuck.
30:54
Oh, that's great. Give me your friend's number.
30:59
Oh, goodness. OK, Barbie, we got to wrap it
31:01
up, girlfriend. People got to just listen to us
31:04
on their lunch break. Right.
31:06
We were going to talk about the party, but we talked about piss.
31:08
You're welcome. Boom boom.
31:13
So also I will say this too, people need to go on Apple.
31:19
Oh yeah, Leave us a review. Rate US five stars.
31:21
Yes, if you leave us a bad review, we will dox you and find
31:25
you. And that's a promise.
31:27
Exactly. All right, on that note.
31:30
Until then, Barbie, may all your fantasies become.
31:32
Realities.