Latest / Homeschool Insights - Biblical Home Education Inspiration in Under 10 Minutes! / What If You've Already Messed Up as a Parent? Mary DeMuth's Advice
Transcript
- speaker-0: They need to know their parents are not perfect. We aren't. We are fellow ⁓ followers of Christ. And that becomes more apparent as they turn eighteen, nineteen, twenty. You begin to shift your relationship to this kind of camaraderie of we are fellow Christ followers on the same journey. speaker-1: I giggle that I'm like a five-star coping mechanism, like, you know, student. I'm I'm so good. I should like I'm the queen of it. Like I just slip right back into my coping mechanisms. And one of mine is to stuff it down and ignore it. And you know, how can we do a b how can we try to help our kids not to just cause you talk about modeling, right? So I've modeled this. And so how can we undo that and help them to not follow in some of the same patterns? That we've done and how we've coped through the years. Cause that's been a big aha for me is seeing how my coping mechanisms have affected my kids. speaker-0: the things that I think we did well ⁓ was we always did high lows around the table. And so it was normative for us to say a high point of the day and a low point of the day. And they got to hear us say it too. And I think that just models this idea that life is hard. It's up and down. There's good parts, there's bad parts and we can lament the hard parts and we can, you know, celebrate with the good parts. And I remember one particular instance I was really struggling in the high low because my low had something to do with publishing. Publishing is a very difficult world. And again, I had a book that wasn't selling, blah, blah, blah. And I but it was one of those times where the publisher contacted me about how disappointed they were in me. And so I was super sad. And I I was not going to share that with my kids. I didn't want to burden them with my career or whatever. But at the end I was the last one to go and I finally just broke down and cried and like, I can And they were so sweet. They didn't minimize it. They ⁓ told me that they loved me and they were praying for me and that they thought I was a great writer. And that's really all I needed. ⁓ and so I think the more we model it, the better. And it's okay to cry in front of your kids. It's okay to lament. It's there's whole s series of psalms called the Lament Psalms that teach us how to do that. And it's important we do it. speaker-1: So what do you say to the parent? Like, you know, the you're mentioning all these amazing things. And I know like you you've made a lot of great choices and you've made ⁓ done a lot of things very intentionally with your kids, but how do we what do we do when we didn't handle situations so well and we we didn't really ⁓ respond in a way that was honoring to them or to the Lord or to ourselves or to everyone in the room and we didn't handle that moment properly. So what encouragement and kind of practical advice would you give to parents? I know that you did mention like apologizing, but what else can we be doing? speaker-0: You know, think I obviously the first what you said is to apologize and to acknowledge it publicly in front of your kids and say, I I shouldn't have lost my temper there. I feel terrible. That's not how Jesus would want me to parent. Another step step, which is harder, is can you help me be accountable? Can you let me know when my voice is raising next time so I can de-escalate quicker? ⁓ that's that's a whole nother level of sanctification for sure, because they will take you up on it and they're like, Mom. Yeah, your voice is raising and I'm so but that I think that shows them that you are in a learner's posture and that you're not perfect. They need to know their parents are not perfect. We aren't. We are fellow ⁓ followers of Christ. And that becomes more apparent as they turn 18, 19, 20. You begin to shift your relationship to this kind of camaraderie of we are fellow Christ followers on the same journey. ⁓ there is a little more hierarchy before eighteen because we still are their parents and we get to tell them what to do and what the curfew is. But ⁓ after that you're you have worked your s way out of a job and now you're fellow pilgrims together. speaker-2: This episode of Homeschool Insights is brought to you by Liberty HealthShare. Choosing to homeschool is about making intentional decisions for your family. Liberty HealthShare is another way families across the country are choosing a different path, one that offers a community-centered approach to health care cost sharing that can help you keep more of your hard-earned dollars while getting the medical care your family needs. Learn more at Liberty HealthShare.org. That's LibertyHealthShare.org.