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Transcript

You've Got Decisions: Doubling Back on My Baby Daddy vs Being with a Vegan · Decisions, Decisions

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: If you would like to have us answer your questions,
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: if you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: a terrible thruffle.
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: Guess what? You've got decisions.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Hey, guys.
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: You've got decisions. And I do, too. Welcome back, y'all.
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: Once again, we are here to give you our unofficial
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: expert but life expert advice on your life. It's crazy.
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: I will say, we can start off with this. I
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: think it's kind of crazy because y'all don't know. Me
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: and Weezy just spent about 30 minutes on the phone
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: navigating our own goddamn lives realizing we both figuring this
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: shit out too.
• 0:43
  Speaker 3: Listen, a double YGD. We was like, I'm like, what's
• 0:46
  Speaker 3: your boundary?
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: What boundary? Okay, this is our boundary. How did you
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: navigate that? Did you know it was a boundary until
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: it happened? How do you talk about it? What's the conversation?
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: I think that like non-monogamy boundaries are interesting ones to
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: talk about because sometimes, I don't know if anybody else
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: can experience or has talked about this or you have.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: I feel like when I talk to E & M people,
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: it's great, but sometimes there are two in it. And
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: one of the things I talked about in No Holes
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: Barred was talking to Brianda. I reference her a lot
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: because she, to me, is so green to everything. Sometimes
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: I'll give a fresh set of eyes. I'm like, hey,
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: we went on a date with this person. She's only
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: replying back to me and on him. Like, you know,
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: you get to hear someone else that doesn't really know shit.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: That can feel good because it's not like these people
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: aren't well-versed in experience and relationships.
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: They just don't get ethical non-monogamy. And I find that.
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: Do you know what's crazy about you saying that?
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: What?
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: Especially having gone to Hedo and having more friends in
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: the lifestyle. I, when I hear like my monogamous friends
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: that are dating or navigating relationships, bitch, I know what
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: we just had as a conversation was like all over
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: the place. But when I talk to my, like, I
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: call them the regular civilians out here. It sounds like
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: the ghetto, and it doesn't make sense to me. So
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: for me, being able to see people who are really
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: E & M or are really lifestyle, I feel like
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: it's a breather to talk to them about how they
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: navigate things. Because, you know what I mean? Like, I
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: feel like monogamy bitch sounds ghetto.
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: Girl, I ain't on front. Both of them ghetto.
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: I mean, we live on Earth. Earth is ghetto. That's
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: just what it is to me.
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: I just left a trip. So you went to Hedonism.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: I was also on Island. I went on the Naked
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: Beauty trip. I literally was saying to one of the girls,
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: we have to have her on. Her name is Erica Chidi.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: She's also in Women's Health. She's a writer. She wrote
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: a book about parenthood.
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: And being a doula. But anyway, she's gay, queer, used
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: to be married to a man, all the things.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: She was like the only one on the trip that
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: I felt like was in the sex world adjacent, but
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: not even. And one of the things I was saying
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: to her when she talked about her and her man
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: being a threepot, I was like, everybody on this trip
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: is like really grown up. And I'm not saying you're not.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: I'm just saying everybody on this trip, they don't have,
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: it doesn't even seem like they have an old issue
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: to tell about a nigga. I'm like, so what world
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: am I in that you got to see about your
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: relationship and with your ex-husband that was a white man,
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: and now you with a black woman who's in it,
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: and you a lesbian now, but you were bi.
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: I honestly don't think it's maturity. I think we don't realize,
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: and I think maybe because she wrote a book about
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: that and because she realized you were lifestyle adjacent, you know,
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: you don't like that word, I feel like a lot
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: of people aren't as open with sharing their... Oh, that's
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: a good point. Their relationship world. Like, we're just vulnerable
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: and put it out there, right? But I don't think
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: a lot of people are, which is... That's a good point.
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: The opposite for me at Hedo was having conversations with
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: the men and women. And one girl coming up to
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: me and was like, Yes, so I'm here. This is
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: my first trip. I'm 27. I want to be a unicorn.
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: I want a threesome. I want... I was even practicing
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: eating coochie before getting here so that I could be... Like,
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: and she literally had a whole... She dealt with me.
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: She dealt with two other niggas. Had a conversation about
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: how one of the guys treated... Like, and so it
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: was a lot more open. By the way, not sure
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: we can get her on an episode, but y'all... I
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: had a full conversation with the wife, bitch. Shout out
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: to the wife. Bitch, go.
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: We need an episode.
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: Did she tell you you were tripping?
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: But I want her to come on, maybe her and him.
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: Maybe we'll see if we can get that as a
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: virtual episode. Because, boy, I'll tell you all a fault. Sorry. Sorry, y'all.
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: Can't share it on here because I didn't ask for permission. Boy,
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: did it take a left.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: Turn, babe.
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: Because that nigga was lying.
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, no. It was a So, The Wife,
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: if you're listening to this, I'll sidebar you. Hopefully, we
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: can do an episode. Thank you for sharing your space.
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: I forgot we were going to see them.
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: I wasn't going to see them.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: That letter was my obsession to talk about when I
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: was on my Euro trip. Because sometimes, y'all, just to
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: let you know, your letters, your comment section, anything could
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: sometimes be a topic that I like to bring up
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: at Dinner Conversation.
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: Dinner party combos.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: Okay?
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: And I was having a lot of a my girl trip. Literally,
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: I just, one of those people, you probably are too,
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: where I'm just going to bring something up out of nowhere.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: And one of those things, for example, at the dinner was,
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: how many of you guys have.
• 5:51
  Speaker 3: Seen gay porn? Raise your hand.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: And then I was like, wow, so you haven't seen it.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: And they're like, well, I've seen heated rivalry. I'm like,
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: that's not it.
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: Girl, Serge on there. He's like, bitch, that is that.
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: I'm just one of those.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: And that particular letter was such an interesting one to
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: me because There was no wrong or right.
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: That was clear. It was... Wait, you're talking about which letter?
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: The wife.
• 6:15
  Speaker 3: When she wrote in.
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: Oh, how do you go from gay porn to the wife?
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: Oh, I'm just saying I'm one of those people that
• 6:19
  Speaker 3: bring up something crazy.
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: Oh, okay, okay, okay.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: But the wife letter, the wife's comments on Patreon, that
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: was something I brought up at every fucking dinner party
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: after that because it was one of the first times
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: in a while that I could remember nobody's answer was
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: wrong or right.
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: Normally, a lot of these are leaning one way.
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: Or the other. However.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: Based on the experience of each person who answered it,
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: that was where you got to the answer.
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: I had a different idea in my head because I
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: know at the time when it came out, I wanted
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: to get married. I was also reading it to my
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: homegirl who's a unicorn exclusively, and then she had different answers.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: Then I read it to one of my homeboys that's
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: E & M, and he had different answers.
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: Oh, me and the wife had that. I can at
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: least share that. Me and her had that conversation to
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: where at first when she heard it, she was ready
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: to see me, bitch. But then she sat with it
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: and realized where I was coming from. But anyways, again, guys,
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: if y'all want to see all the ways in which
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: the patrons respond to these YGDs, head on over to
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: Patreon and join us. It's patreon.com backslash Horrible Decisions. And
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: if you want to send one of your letters in,
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: make sure you email us decisionspod at gmail. But this week,
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: one of our patrons skipped the line. That's right. If
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: you are a patron and has something that you want
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: us to respond to, drop it in the direct messages
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: where we can see it and you skipping the line, hon.
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: And this week, we have Someone who's been a Lifetime
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: member for quite some time. I see how long you've
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: been over here, sis. So let's get right into it.
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: There's a lot of questions here. All right. Ladies, I
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: need help. So a little backstory. I'm in my early
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: 30s and I have a child. I just recently moved
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: out of my home state about a year ago. My
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: kid's father lives back in my hometown. We've had quite
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: a relationship, a lot of ups and downs. It was
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: very toxic and we haven't been romantic in several years.
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: I was doing everything by myself, but now he's contributing
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: being that I moved and he misses his kid. And
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: now he does have a better job to help support financially.
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: He wants to move to the city that I'm in
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: in a few months and stay with me for a
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: few months while he looks for an apartment. I know
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: that also means he wants to try and see if
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: we can work on things. The thing is, so much
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: has happened in our past. I've lost respect for him,
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: and I don't even see him in a romantic way anymore. However,
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: I can use half of that rent money, okay? The
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: other issue is, I'm dating someone now who on paper
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: checks the boxes, and personality-wise, we are very compatible. We've
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: been dating for about seven months, however... I don't know
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: if our lifestyles are compatible. He is a plant-based vegan
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: and wants his future children to be homeschooled, wants to
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: have a plot of land so he can garden and
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: live off of the land to a certain extent. It's
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: just a lifestyle I never saw myself really having or
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: leaning into and not knowing if I can even fit
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: or thrive in that lifestyle. However, I am so tired
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: of just handling life by myself. I want a two-parent
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: or two-person household, and I want to be splitting bills
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: quite frequently. I'm ready to just be stable in all
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: areas of life, so I'm going back and forth between
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: letting my ex stay for a few months, knowing he'll
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: help out financially, and just seeing if there's anything there,
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: if there's anything that could be built because he is
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: being a better father to our child. And I know
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: ideally this is the best way to have a two
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: parent household or seeing if I can open my mind
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: up to this different lifestyle that the person I'm dating has,
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: which I'm not completely against. However, Becoming fully vegan is
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: not something I necessarily envisioned for my life. However, chemistry
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: and connection makes me considerate. It may seem like an
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: easy answer to you all, but for me, it's been
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: causing me major anxiety. Not knowing who to pick, just
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: knowing I want to really put two feet into either option. So,
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: I can start building and creating the life of stability
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: that I want and desire for me and my child.
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: What should I do? Please help. Date the person and
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: convert my life over to veganism and not indulging in
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: the systems that I've been raised to indulge in? Or
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: give my ex a chance, knowing that we are now
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: co-parenting very well together and we may still have something there.
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: I actually need help on this decision. I've been known
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: to suffer from indecisions. Thank you, ladies, and please come
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: to Charlotte to tour. Really good. I like this. This
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: is loaded.
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: Let's talk about Nature Boy for a second.
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: I do feel like I needed a little bit more info.
• 11:17
  Speaker 3: I want more, too.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: But I feel like she fucking with Nature Boy. Plant-based, homeschooled,
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: feed on the land. Okay, I'm going to give you
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: my honest advice, sister.
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: Okay?
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: My fiance would love to live that life.
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: Right? Right.
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: He's been vegan, him and his ex. She was Caribbean.
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: So I think it was, you know, they was eating
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: a lot of like veggie, like I'm sure they found
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: flavorful ways to do it. I've met a lot of
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: Caribbean and Indian vegans.
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: Then they could, they could make it work. You know
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: what I'm saying? Now, when we talk about veganism.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: And we meet people that are vegan, one of the
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: things that he brings up sometimes is I was vegan
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: before dating Gila and If I was still vegan, this
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: wouldn't have worked. He always says that. So we got
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: into this conversation, maybe while we were on our last trip.
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: And he was like, yo, the way that you indulge
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: in food is a hobby. And the way that you
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: need to explore restaurants, you've based our vacations around food.
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: We would not have been together.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: Because we, on his birthday a few years ago, we
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: surprised each other for a trip for the birthday. I
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: knew we were going to Mexico City because I wanted
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: to eat at this one restaurant. He thinks that's crazy.
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: I don't. And he was like, can you imagine if
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: I couldn't level and match you and in this enjoyment
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: and this pleasure you have, how much you would be
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: turned off? The fact that I can move with you
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: and now I'm into it too, learning about gastronomy or whatever,
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: like now that works.
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: Second to that, the off the grid, the farm shit.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: Because he was vegan, He started to be on that
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: Nature Boy bullshit too.
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: And then one of the.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: Other conversations we've had, he's like, yo, there's a part
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: of me that fucking wants to live out somewhere far.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: We do this.
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: He's like, but the reality is that's not necessarily.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: What we find pleasure in, it's what we find solace in.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: If you and I went to a farm for a
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: week or two, we would have this reset energy. And
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: because we're ambitious people, we would literally feel like we
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: were landlocked, standstill. We like to travel too much to
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: want to live like that. You're not going to have
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: a lot of money living like that, right? You're not
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: going to be able to like move in the metro world.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: I think it sounds cool to talk to someone that's
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: about that life. it's almost exciting. It's almost like, wow,
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: they want to give it all up. Bitch, you not
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: for this nigga. Because if you can't even figure out
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: if you want to be vegan, not to mention homeschooling
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: has a curriculum that has to be just as.
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: Far as you and that nigga can go. And I'm
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: going to be real with you. The reason I'm.
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: Not a.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: Hell no to private schooling, even though I'm scared of
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: not giving my kid a black experience all the way,
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: is because I want a teacher that's smarter than me.
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: I want you to learn from people that know more
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: than me. I want you to be smarter than your mommy.
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: I want you to have bigger goals than me.
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: That means your baby is going to learn everything from
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: y'all two niggas. This is also the nigga that just
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: want to grow his own seeds. So who fucking knows?
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: But I think that you have to realize when you
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: are dating people that have radical ideas like that, that
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: if yours aren't even close, bitch hell no.
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: So your advice is for her to allow the baby
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: daddy to come back.
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: Oh, we didn't even get to baby daddy yet.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: I was literally just saying, you're talking about someone checks
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: your boxes.
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: Okay. So I'm going to, well, then I am going
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: to piggyback here.
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: Go to the baby daddy part.
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: No, I actually have. Oh, oh yeah. Um, for the,
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: for the vegan guy, um, if you're looking right now
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: for someone to do life with, for someone to co-parent with, um,
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: it looks like your, your child, we didn't get an
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: age for it, but you're still calling it a kid,
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: not a teenager. So to me, if you're looking for
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: someone long-term, um, It reminds me of how y'all said
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: I was wasting actor-based time because I knew he wanted
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: to be a father. I knew what he wanted long-term.
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: And for me, it was not going to be that.
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: And so for me, when you hear someone say that
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: they want to live on a farm, buy a plot
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: of land, live that way, you have to kind of
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: get out of your way and not be selfish. Because
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: what you would do is maybe resent that person if
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: that's something you genuinely don't like. I also am trying
• 16:08
  Speaker 2: to tell people right now to not to date for potential.
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: And that's what you sound like. I could potentially like
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: this idea. This could potentially work for me. And when
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: you have a child and you're really looking for some
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: level of stability, don't give up on what you want
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: just for that. And I think that that's what you
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: kind of sound like in this letter. You sound like
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: you want a two parent contribution or household more than
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: you want what would make you happy. And so for me,
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: now going back to your baby daddy, you literally said,
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: not only did you lose respect for him, but you
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: don't even see him in a romantic way anymore. So
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: for me, the only way it would make sense for
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: you to revisit this man, if he is really more
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: financially stable and willing to move to your city, it
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: would be helping him find a place. Maybe he just
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: does six months. But he needs to find his own place.
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: And maybe you both need to live in the same
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: city for a while and start off with the dating again.
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: Start off with the hanging out. He's co-parenting very well
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: with you. But like I said in the episode with Jamila,
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: a good parent doesn't make a good partner. And so again,
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: what are your needs? What do you want from a relationship?
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: This all screams I just don't want to pay that
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: much rent anymore. And I know the fucking economy we're
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: in right now. Bitch, as single women out here, being
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: able to pay for a household with no help is
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: a fucking flex that we all don't want to flex
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: on anymore. We all would like some help with our bills.
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: But for me, it reads you, you just want help financially.
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: You want to split your costs at home and you're
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: willing to do it at really, at any rate, at
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: any loss, at any risk. And to me, you need
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: to sit with what you want from a partnership, not
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: just how you want to get some more money to
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: help with your bills. And that's what this reads as. Overall,
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: I don't think you should be with either of these people.
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: Me neither. I don't.
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: The baby daddy shit also, it's sad when we break
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: it down as like, hey, it's finances.
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: Hey, it's, you know, I need to make X, Y,
• 18:26
  Speaker 3: Z work. Like that shit sucks, dog. Like, I let's
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: take it from me. I don't know how old you are.
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: I know you, I think you mentioned thirties, but.
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: Yes, she said, well, in her early thirties, she had
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: a child. So we don't know how old she is, but.
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: I have a lot of friends in their forties right
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: now that are just kind of like reinventing the wheel
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: because they left their baby daddy while their kids around 10.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: It's been 10 years of this back and forth and
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: just like being around each other for the kid.
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: Kids know that energy. When I talk to kids, that have.
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: Divorced parents or separated parents or parents that never got
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: married or whatever, they.
• 18:57
  Speaker 3: Always talk about feeling that energy and knowing, et cetera.
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: My man and I were talking about our earliest memories recently.
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: We were playing some couples game and I was like,
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: I remember my parents fought in front of me once
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: and were like having a lot of tension, but didn't
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: want to scream in front of me.
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: That was a rule they had that I found out later.
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: And my mom was like, did you?
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: And you know, teeth gray.
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: And I'm like, yo, and we be knowing.
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: I'm like, and then my daddy didn't watch TV in
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: the living room that night. And my mom slept in
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: a different room than daddy. Then I was like, yo,
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: we be knowing.
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah. For me, for me, aside from the, the child
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: element here, it's truly, it's truly that if you are
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: in your thirties or early forties at this point, dating
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: with your own boundaries and knowing what you want, Um,
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: to me, not to, not to, not to be ageist.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: too old so I think just be going with the
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: flow and hoping something works out right like I I
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: remember I don't know I don't remember if I shared
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: it on this pod but when I was single I
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: knew okay I knew and this was before I knew
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: I wanted to be poly in this way that I
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: am now. But I was talking to this guy, NFL player, very, very, very,
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: very attractive. And we were talking for quite some time.
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: I was going to go visit him in Florida and
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: all these things. And as we kept talking, I was like,
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: so what is it that you're really looking for right now? Like,
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: what is it? And he said, a God-fearing woman. I
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: remember this story. And I knew I couldn't be that
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: for him. Bitch, tell me why he's married. A year later,
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: a year later, he just had a wedding. And I'm like, oh, wow.
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: He was intentional. He knew what he wanted. And bitch,
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: everything about the wedding. Bitch had scriptures everywhere in the caption.
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: It was like, oh, and I was like, he knew
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: what he wanted. And instead of me seeing that I
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: like this nigga, knowing he was fine shit. we vibed
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: knowing he said what he wanted and I absolutely did
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: not want that I went ahead and released myself.
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: Hold on wait wait wait I gotta read you my
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: last message on what's up as we wrap up to
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: this and this isn't even about this letter y'all this
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: is a testimony that people get what they want it
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: comes to you when you know what the fuck you
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: want I actually have to go back let me look
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: up the nigga's name I'm literally on whatsapp the dude
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: was living in Paris we were dating a little bit
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: hold on I just saw him and had a conversation
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: with him that's a Got it. February 6th, 2023. I
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: met my man July 2023. It's so difficult to have
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: these conversations with you, Gila. I understand I'm a little
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: bit older than you, but it's not like it's by much.
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: And what I do know for sure is that being
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: able to make space change and compromise for love is
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: something that everybody will experience. A lot of the things
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: that you're asking for are not things that are rooted
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: in commitment. Wanting to be with other women, whether separate
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: or together. Wanting flexibility in your life as far as
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: sharing the space and energy with other men. It's something that,
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: for what you're looking for in marriage and a loving relationship,
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: simply won't be in existence. If you were with him. No,
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: he was just saying, I'm not going to find it.
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: I pray that you find love and happiness in your life.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: I actually think you're an amazing woman. If you shall
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: ever find the day to where you maybe even change
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: your mind about the type of relationship and love that
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: you're looking for, especially when it comes to exclusivity and monogamy,
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: I will absolutely be here for you. That was February 6, 2023.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: And then you found a nigga that, yep.
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: Bitch.
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: Seen him at Ludlow House a few months ago. He
• 22:48
  Speaker 3: was like, oh my God, blah, blah, blah. You look
• 22:50
  Speaker 3: even better. What's going on with you? I was like, oh, nothing.
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: Getting married.
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to lie. The way that like, and
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: you know, we talk outside of this. Boyfriend number one,
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: him meeting my other friend Kane, who he met here
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: in Atlanta a couple months ago. Even Kane walked up
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: to him and was like, this is a crazy woman
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: who's a lot. And he was like, I don't know
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: how you do it. But I love that you accept
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: her and let her be her because he got to
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: see us all week in Jamaica. So he came up
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: and was like, I be hearing her. And I ain't
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: know the type of nigga. Who was it? The guy?
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: Kane Kong. If you look him up.
• 23:31
  Speaker 3: Oh, I know who you're talking about. The one who's
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: the security guy?
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: Yes. And he was like, man, I've been knowing her
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: for a long time. And she crazy. So it's really
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: good to see the type of man that can handle
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: all that she is. And you a good nigga. He
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: just kept saying, you a good nigga. So like, it's
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: good too that a lot of people probably didn't think
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: we could find men that allow us to be us.
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: The fact that.
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: The last message, Mandy, was like.
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: You don't understand.
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: If you don't find it, come back because what you
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: asking for is too much. Yeah. But anyways, guys, my
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: laptop is dying. So thank y'all. I got to go
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: get a charger. Thank y'all so much. Again, you got decisions.
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: If you have one, by the way, listener, hope this
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: helped you. We are saying where you're at right now. Bitch,
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: maybe drive Uber. I would actually suggest drive Uber in
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: your free time. Instead of dating, if you need more money,
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: drive Uber in your spare time, okay? But don't sit
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: here and go with either nigga that's not what you want.
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: That's my advice. Drive Uber. Anyways, thank y'all so much
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: for listening. We'll see y'all motherfucking next hump day. Bye.
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: Bye, everybody.