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Sober Talk SA - Peter M · Sober Talk SA

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Welcome to Sober Talk. I'm Dennis and I'm an alcoholic.
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Soap to dear thanks to Alcoholics Anonymous.
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If you or anyone you know is struggling with alcohol, please
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call Alcoholics Anonymous on 1300 double 22222.
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I'll visit their website ata.org dot AU.
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I'll just run through the preamble of Alcoholics
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Anonymous. Alcoholics Anonymous is a
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fellowship of people who share the experience, strengthen hope
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with each other that they may solve their common problems, and
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help with us to recover from alcoholism.
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The only requirement for membership is the desire to stop
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drinking and no dues of fees. Fair membership.
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We are self supporting through our own contributions.
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He is not allied with any sect in immersion politics,
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organization or institution, does not wish to engage in any
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controversy, either endorses or oppose any causes.
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Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other Alcoholics
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are chiefs of Brady. My name's Peter, I'm an
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alcoholic and love to be able to get a share at my Home group and
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celebrate my birthday here. I was at Brompton on Monday
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night and the group there put together a celebration for me
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there too, which is really lovely.
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And it's good to be in a world where I'm just not in the
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background these days and hiding away.
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And because that was my safe spot most of my life and that I
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got to Alcoholics Anonymous through no fault of my own.
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I, I arrived in a, a, through a being a court decision to put me
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into a long term drug and alcohol rehab in 1991.
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And, and that was, I was 29 years old when I went there.
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And, and that was after a, a, a, a lot of very, very tough dark
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days and, and I didn't think rehab was going to make it any
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lighter, but I, I, I, I started drinking early teenagers, most
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of us are like that. And, and it gave me everything I
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needed instantly. And I like it.
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It brought me out of myself. Prior to drinking.
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I was a person that, as I said, I stayed in the background.
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I had absolutely nil confidence and I knew that I didn't fit in.
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And there's a real inner knowing that there was something not
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right. But I didn't know I was a boy.
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I had no idea how to express any of that.
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And so I played along. And in fact, one of the
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counsellors at the rehab after they've done an assessment of
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me, he wrote on the assessment a life of pretense to this point.
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And that was 100% right. So I acted my way through life
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and tried to be anything that fitted into the to the
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situation. And so I was like the chameleon
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and, and I had just developed that pattern of living.
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I knew no other way to live, but I inwardly knew that I was a
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fraud and, and I was just bluffing my way through the
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whole thing. I was a very poor student at
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school and I thought it was 'cause I was pretty thick, you
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know, I just, I failed everything at school and, and I
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knew I was the ugliest person on the planet and I, the only
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saving grace I had. I could play a bit of sport and
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I played cricket in the summer. I was a opening bowler and that
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would get me the pat on the back I needed to sort of get going
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for the next day. And I'd play rugby league and I
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was very small for my age, so I got pretty bad at playing rugby
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league. And but it's, you know, you've
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got to be in the team. You've got to be, you know,
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putting yourself in there. And yeah, it was.
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But all that sport sort of melted away when I found alcohol
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and, and alcohol quickly became a big part of my life from
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school days of first. I mean, I drank a number of
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times. There was a time I was working
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up in Foster Ton Curry, Northern NSW and my dad had a factory up
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there and I'd go up there from Sydney in the school holidays
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and go to work. There was only 12 or something.
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And, and I would go and live with the bloke that managed that
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factory. And we'd work in Taree in a
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stinking hot place and then drive out to Foster Ton Curry
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where you'd just notice the temperature dropped down.
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The sea breeze has come up and his name was Trevor and we'd go
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to his place and go out into the he's he had a golf course in the
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backyard and he'd teach me how to hit a golf ball and and he'd
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give me a can of KB beer and and I just always look forward to
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the end of the day after that. And I didn't have A at a
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conscious level, that's that alcohol really thrilled me.
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It was just the idea. That's not bad, that stuff, you
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know, and, but you know, when I really first had an affair that
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started my affair started with alcohol when I was about 14 or
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15, I went to a Catholic school, all boys school and the next
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door was all girls school. And, and I had to walk down this
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ramp to get to this to my school and walk past all the girls
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there. I, I, that was the longest walk
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for me. Every day.
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There was just a horrible walk. Oh, man, you know, I just just
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had to look away. And so, you know, that's my, my
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opinion of myself was so low. I thought, you know, I don't
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want them to even look at me, you know.
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And so that was the deal got down there.
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And then they'd have these school dances when we got to 4th
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form, which is year 10 these days.
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And we went to one on a Friday night and somebody within our
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group bought a case of beer or we all chipped in to buy a case
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of beer. It was 2 weeks old beer and.
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Yeah. And, and we went to this little
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laneway or a little arcade in Lakemba in Sydney and, and we
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all got involved in that. And then we went to the dance.
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And I remember I danced and I, I cracked onto this girl.
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I never, her name was Michelle Jeffrey.
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She was one of the prettiest girls in the, in the school.
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And she let me kiss. She let me kiss her and she let
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me touch her breast. And I'm 15 and thinking this is
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the most amazing night of my life.
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And, and then it was at the end, there was a bit of a scuffle at
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the end of the dance. I was involved in that, you
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know, I just, I just, I've never known life like this.
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I used to see all this from the sidelines, you know, and, and I
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was totally involved. And I got to school on the
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Monday and Mr. Keeble, he was the deputy principal and he
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called me into his office and he told me everything I did that
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night. And and I said too, right.
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And, and, and I think it was that point that I became an
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extremely rebellious, you know, my care factor or what people
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thought I would just snub on it to them.
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And and I was doing it to my parents and I became something
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that I was never going to be. And it was all alcohol fueled
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and the excitement of that life that the thought of drinking,
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the thought of going out with the friends and getting on it.
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And, you know, I was, I was in pubs.
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I was going to this pub in La Kemba for a couple of years from
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16 onwards. And then when I, on my 18th
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birthday, I went there and they asked me for proof of ID.
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I said, yeah, I got that. Yeah.
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So I, I was able to cover everything.
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But I think then I, you know, I met my daughter's mother and I
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was about 1819, we moved into a place together and the people I
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was mixing with was starting to be a little bit more worrisome.
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And I went to, you know, the people I mixed with after school
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were fairly dangerous characters and I didn't really know how
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dangerous they were, but they were involved in the things that
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I wanted to be involved in. And but there was periods where
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it was pretty terrifying. So man, look what they're into
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now. There was guns and all sorts of
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things. And again, it was all pretence
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on my part to be involved in that.
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I wasn't really a gangster or one of these sort of people.
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That was tough. I was still scared unless I had
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a drink in me. And anyway, those things
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developed as I went. And I remember at a, a guy
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staying my place and I had my girlfriend then and we had a
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brand new baby and this guy's waving around guns and things
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like that. He worked for drug cartels.
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And I didn't know that sort of life.
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I just knew that we had drink. We used to drink together and we
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grew up together and that's, that's the sort of life.
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And he got involved in heroin and, and where I lived was a big
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heroin capital in Sydney at the time.
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And I tried that drug a few times.
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And I'm one of the very fortunate ones that I was not
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attracted to at all. I was, I used to throw up.
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I'd go to sleep and wake up and throw up.
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And I used to say to Mark, I said, what do you see in this
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stuff? You know, it's like, and well,
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that's the good gear too, Pete. You know, it's horrible stuff.
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And so I, I just thank my lucky stars that, that it didn't grab
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me because I sort of grab a lot of people and a lot of people
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lost their lives through that drug and, or lost all sorts of
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things, did lots of jail. I missed all of that.
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So I'm very blessed in that area.
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But I continued to drink and alcohol.
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I was a daily drinker. I, I, I remember I worked for my
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dad when I left school and he had a business making blinds and
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curtains and awnings and screen doors.
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And I said, I worked for him. And then after about every
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months, on the day that I said I quit, he said, you're sacked.
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So we, we were in total agreeance that I shouldn't work
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with him and he shouldn't work with me.
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And, and I, I was a member of the late Australian Labour Party
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in Sydney and because I went to the Catholic, Catholic school in
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the Catholic Church and then there was a federal member in
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the Catholic Church. And I don't know if anyone's
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heard of branch stacking, but we were very good at that back in
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the day. And to ensure that he, you know,
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got elected each and every three years or whatever.
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And he's a federal member for a long time, this guy.
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And so he got me a job on the council when I, you know, I got
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lost my job with my dad and I used to work with guys digging
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up roads and, and that was a real drinking apprenticeship in
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there. A lot of older men drinking from
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first thing of the day. The bloke could pick me up and
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he'd have a can of beer with in between his legs and, and, and
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he'd give me one as we go into work at 6:30 in the morning.
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So I was, I got the early morning drink into my life very
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early and I loved it. That's still my favorite drink
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right to the end. My early morning drink was the
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best one, but so there's a lot of things went astray there.
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I was in and out of courts for, you know, silly stuff, you know,
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minor stuff, minor assaults and behavioral, all behavioral stuff
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on the alcohol. When the alcohol was taken out,
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it was pretty quiet guy, you know, and, and I'm sure of
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myself again, but when the alcohol was in, I was on stage
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and I had no control over that. And it was getting very ugly and
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my behaviour towards others changed.
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I became very dark, my mood became very dark and, and I was
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not safe to be around And, and I didn't like that.
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But there's a whole lot of people around me really hated
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that. And so as a consequence, my, I
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had a daughter, she was 18 months old when her and her
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mother left and went up to Darwin to get away from me.
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And, and I, I certainly, I mean, there's periods where I would
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stop drinking and try and sort this stuff out.
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And we went up to, they went to Darwin and after a little while
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I, I wrote to her And, and so I was able to go up to Darwin and
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see her and the child, maybe we could reconcile.
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And I remember flying up to Darwin and I really nervous,
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really nervous about the whole thing, terrified really.
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And then, then I hired a cart because they were living out of
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Kakadu. And I thought, I'll just go to
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the bottle shop and, and I got a small flask of Scotch and, and
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some case of beer or something. And, and I just remember driving
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at the Kakadu and I couldn't get these into me quick enough.
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I just was throwing this stuff down because I was just so
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scared of this whole thing. And, and by the time I got to
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their house, my whole demeanor had changed.
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My, my, the reason I was going, they got lost.
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I ended up doing doughnuts on their front lawn in this hire
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car. And then, you know, she gave me
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Belinda, my daughter and she said when are you, you know,
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what are you going to do? I said I was just going away for
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how long are you going to be? I said, I don't know, you know,
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and being that belligerent, I don't know and put the fear of
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God into them. And then they snatched the baby
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off me and, and they, they went and locked themselves in a room
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and, and I went and destroyed the house and went out and after
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that end up at Kakadu pub, not knowing what just happened.
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You know, just, it just happens. Just this stuff used to happen a
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lot with me when I drank. And, and the police were roaming
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through the, the beer garden of Cockatoo and, and they came up
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to me at the bar. I was just sitting at the bar
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talking to the bar and they said we're looking for a guy with
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this name. And they said my name.
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And I said it's funny. I was just drinking with a bloke
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named Peter, but he took off just a little while ago and, and
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they said thanks mate, no worries and moved on.
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And as well, they're still roaming around the bug and it's
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just the guilt got to me and it's just, I went and got and I
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said it's actually me you're looking for.
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And and then, you know, I had so many events with police where
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they treated me very well. They treated me extremely well
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considering my behaviour. I remember I, they chased me
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home one night, blew the lights going and I just kept driving
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until I got to my place, went into my driveway and and looked
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at them and said, what's all the fuss?
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And, and I just told them this really sad story about what's
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going on in my life. There's a bit of truth to it,
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but I really laid it on and they said, will you go inside and
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don't drive again tonight? But I did lose my license a
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number of times. But the amount of times I should
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have lost my license is, you know, innumerable, but but it
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was all alcohol fueled. Every time that I got in
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trouble, alcohol played the part.
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And when I wasn't drinking, my mood was unbearable for me and
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absolutely horrible for others. And but I'd be, I'd go into this
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place of pretence again and try to be this and try to be that.
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And but I could be none of it. You know, it's, it's a far cry
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from this little boy who was so scared of everything that became
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an altar boy and went to, you know, Catholic schools and tried
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to fit in and try to be the nice boy.
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I've become this animal in the end and very unpleasant
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character to be around. And but, you know, it's not, it
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wasn't all black, but it sounds like it was all black.
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But a lot of it was, you know, and, you know, I used to go with
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these guys that go surfing and they went, they went for
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surfing, I went for drinking. And we'd travel up and down the
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NSW coast and, you know, boards in and, you know, I'd think I'd
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spend as little time in the water as possible and, and I'd
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be looking for a drink. And so I was just an unsociiable
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person trying to be sociable and, and I had no idea how to do
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it. But I, I, it just seems like
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from the time I, I started to rebel, I rebelled because I
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thought I had the right to. And then I became, I rebelled
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because I had, I didn't have any other way to react to life.
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And so life was just far too much to me.
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I was not fit for it and, and alcohol was my only soul.
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So I ended up living in boarding houses alone and not many people
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turned up to see me and, and I'd make pacts with myself and say,
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Peter, you get in too much trouble when you go out to drink
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in the boarding house. Don't go anywhere.
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And it was a fairly smart move and I'd buy me alcohol, I'd go
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and stay in the boarding house and I'd have enough drinks and
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all that goodwill went out the window and I'd go out because I
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was feeling pretty good and I'd get into trouble again.
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So no matter which way I tried to deal with this thing, it, it
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always ended up in the same place that more sadness, more
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Vadnais, more scary stories and more police and smash cars,
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DUI's, all of that sort of stuff continued to happen.
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But I never really considered alcohol to be the problem.
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I looked everywhere else but alcohol.
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And mostly it was about people. I didn't like people and I
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couldn't understand why they didn't like me, but that they
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didn't. And, and I made it that way.
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And I had no idea that I was setting myself for failure of
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failure every time I got out of bed.
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But I, you know, swear off it. And I remember living with this
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woman up in Ballina in northern NSW in a really lovely spot.
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And it was going to be all change for me.
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It was a new change. I left Sydney to go and get my
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life right there and just was exactly the same.
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I moved up to Charters Towers in North Queensland and, you know,
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a new job and new career start there and, and mining and I met
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all my friends in the front bar at the Rick's Hotel.
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And, and by the time I left Charters Towers, there were
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people clambering over each other to get to me.
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And, and I got hurt a number of times up there.
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And in Sydney, I got terrible bashing down there.
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It's like some bloke just went to town on me and they had to
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drag him off me. And I was extremely, extremely
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knocked around for a long time after that.
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And, and all because of what comes out of my mouth and this
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filthy, horrible mouth that's so full of vindictive.
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And we knocked off, we used to knock off cars and I remember
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knocking off this car and all VW just to get on from the pub.
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And we went around the my friend was driving, we had a flagon of
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wine and he goes around this bend and I go out of the car.
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The door just opened out I go, you know, and all I remember was
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rolling and rolling and rolling and, and the gutter was the
17:58
thing that stopped me. And I had so much skin and bark
18:01
off me. It was like, and you know, I
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never went to the doctors. I never went to the hospital and
18:06
everything. I just drank my way through the
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pain and, and tried to come up with some story because I
18:11
couldn't hide the fact that I had so much skin off.
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And what happened to you? It was a bit embarrassing.
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So we knocked off a car and the door open and I flew out and I
18:20
said, I can't tell them that. But I again, I was able to keep
18:23
my job going because I, I worked for the council and the guy
18:27
said, well, you can just make us all cups of tea and you can get
18:30
in the truck and go and buy our lunches.
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I couldn't, you know, we did a lot of shovel work and things.
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I couldn't lift a shovel so they looked after me, you know, I
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didn't didn't need to use my sick pay or anything.
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And yeah, we used to have this catch phrase of the councillors
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and the working class can kiss my arse.
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I'm on the council at last. That was that was our phrase.
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And that was so true. No one really worked.
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I don't know how roads got, I don't know how roads got built,
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but they did. But the guy that was on the the
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trench digger, his his nickname was Yap Yap, you know, he
19:03
wouldn't shut up. And and his other nickname was
19:06
carpet back because that's where he'd end up at the end of each
19:09
night on his back on the carpet in the pub.
19:12
But but he used to he did really good work digging up roads.
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At the end of the day, he would fall out of his machine.
19:20
He was so drunk and we'd have to empty all these cans, empty cans
19:24
out of his cabin. This one every day this went on
19:27
and it was a different world today.
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I don't think that would go on for too long, but those were the
19:33
days. But yeah, so I stayed in the
19:36
council and then I, you know, for as long as I could and I
19:40
kept getting better jobs the whole time because I was a
19:42
member of the Labour Party and I was a Labour, A Labour council,
19:45
that one. And, and there's very large
19:47
councils and councils in Sydney and were very political.
19:52
And so if you're involved in it on the right side, you did very
19:55
well, didn't have to act well, but you just did very well.
19:58
So I looked back. I was so looked after.
20:00
I was so looked after in so many areas of life.
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My parents helped me financially when I needed a quid,
20:06
begrudging. They'd give me a bed some nights
20:07
when I had nowhere else to go. But yeah, Sydney's a very harsh
20:12
place if you don't have any money.
20:13
And most of the times I didn't have much money because I would
20:16
blow it as quick as I got it, you know, always borrowing money
20:18
and every, you know, every $50 had an elastic band on it, you
20:22
know, you know, take it off. And then it'd bounce back to
20:24
them so I could pay them back and bounce back to me.
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And it's like. Never, never get over the top of
20:28
the debts. And anyway, that was just the
20:31
way I lived and it was the only way I knew how to live.
20:34
I didn't question a whole lot of it.
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I was, you know, disappointed with myself, but I was more
20:38
disappointed with the way the world treated me.
20:40
You know, my attitude to the world was not good.
20:43
And people, you know, so, you know, it was such a
20:47
disappointment to me. I couldn't see the other side of
20:50
the coin. And that's the nature of this
20:52
illness. You can't see.
20:53
It's a very blinding illness. And so by the time I got to
20:57
rehabilitation, I was 29 and, and it was a court order.
21:04
If I don't go, it's an instant warrant for my arrest and off to
21:06
jail. And so while I'm alcoholic, I'm
21:08
not stupid. So I went to this rehab and
21:11
started in Surrey Hills and he spent the first month there
21:15
getting, getting detoxed really. And, and then, then they sort of
21:19
suss you out to see where you're at mentally and, and then they
21:22
ship you off to different places.
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And the, the main place most people went was a farm, which is
21:27
a 500 acre farm up near Newcastle.
21:29
And it was run by the Salvation Army.
21:32
And there was 90 men there at any given time.
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At capacity was 90 men, men only thing.
21:39
And, and it was there that I first came to Alcoholics
21:43
Anonymous cause they used to put some buses and that was part of
21:47
the, the curriculum. They went to a, a meetings 3 or
21:50
4 times a week and they went to Chapel once or twice a week.
21:54
And we had group therapy and one-on-one therapy with
21:57
counsellors. And we worked there.
22:00
It had a piggery on there and it had a dairy and it was 500
22:03
acres. It was a pretty big place and it
22:06
was very, it's very, it was Salvation Army.
22:09
You run things like a tsunami. So you know you're up at this
22:11
certain time. If you don't, if you don't do
22:13
the right thing, you wash up for 90 people.
22:16
That's your, you know, there's, there's if you didn't get it
22:19
right then yet, the either left kicked you out or you had to do
22:23
certain things to find favour again.
22:25
And, and I got a job in the piggery.
22:28
I've know if anyone's been to a piggery before, but they stink.
22:31
They're the worst smelling places to go.
22:34
And I got a sign to go there and I thought, oh man, I, I can't
22:39
stay here. This is so rank.
22:40
And but once the smell gets into your skin, you stink too.
22:46
And so anybody around you say you stink and I can't smell any
22:51
of it, you know, so bad luck. And, and I worked with these
22:54
pigs and I worked with the sows who were ready to have their
22:59
babies. And, and I love that job.
23:02
I got to really love that job. But the, the idea of that, the,
23:06
the process, thought process was if you've got a history of some
23:10
violence in your life and, but you need to care for something.
23:13
And so I was caring for the, the mothers before and after they
23:17
have their babies and looking after the babies, which is an
23:20
ordeal in itself, but, and you work alongside other people
23:23
doing the same thing. And so it becomes a communal
23:26
sort of event and, and I loved it.
23:29
I, I, I felt so good doing that. And a lot of criticism went out
23:35
of me and, and, and I used to work with a few people.
23:40
And some of those guys aren't alive today because disease
23:42
killed them. But I got to know a few guys and
23:45
I really grew to love them as, as men, You know, they're really
23:47
great men. The disease, you know, takes
23:50
great men too. And but, so by the time I left
23:54
rehab, you know, I've been to a lot of IA meetings.
23:57
My problem was I wasn't in many of them.
23:59
I often outside smoking and, and talking to the others outside
24:03
who were smoking with me and, and we'd tell each other what's
24:06
going on inside the meeting when it's as if we knew.
24:10
And so, you know, as I'm my still my own worst enemy and
24:14
still trying to fit in, still, still that whole Pete's trying
24:16
to fit in and try to, you know, which group will I mix with and
24:19
how, how do they carry on? And you know, such a fraud, but,
24:23
but I came out of rehab and I went to Alcoholics Anonymous
24:26
meetings every day around Sydney.
24:27
And within three months I have a place to live in, in Newtown, 3
24:33
Storey terrace house. I was living with my brother.
24:35
I've got a job in the the Royal Botanic Gardens.
24:39
I've got a girlfriend really quick and I've got a car and a
24:42
license really quick and I had money in my pocket.
24:44
I thought, there you go, that's sobriety sorted and but my gut
24:51
just denied all that. My gut was so that scared kid
24:54
was becoming more and more obvious in me and that looking
25:00
at the world through different eyes again, no matter how many
25:03
meetings I went to and and I used to wonder about what's this
25:07
happy Joyce and free stuff they're talking about in here,
25:09
because I'm certainly not that, but I wouldn't tell anybody that
25:12
I was. That was a silent talk.
25:14
I would have and, and there was a guy that his name's Wayne.
25:19
I said, no Wayne, no pain, no gain.
25:22
I used to call him and he was a member of Marrickville group
25:25
over there. And he, he said, Peter, it's
25:29
wonderful that you're doing a program, but why don't you have
25:32
a shot at the a, a program And you know, I'm going to meetings
25:36
every day. I think.
25:36
What's you on about? I was, I was a bit rude and I
25:40
said, well, what do you mean by that?
25:42
And he said, well, you don't really do much here, do you?
25:45
Oh, I turn up, you know, go to these meetings and and he said,
25:49
well, you know, a lot of people come here and set up the meeting
25:52
and a lot of people join groups. And just about most of these
25:57
guys have got a a sponsors and, you know, they work with each
26:01
other and they go through the big book and they say, oh, come
26:05
on, mate, you know, that's a bit over the top, isn't it?
26:07
You know, you're making a big thing out of this.
26:09
You know, you got to do all this.
26:11
And I said, well, why don't you become a sponsor?
26:17
I didn't ask him. I told him and and he said, OK,
26:21
well, I just need you to ring me this time every day.
26:23
I said, I'm not doing that. You know, that's my first
26:27
response. I'm not doing any of that.
26:28
And so consequently, nothing happened.
26:30
But I did join the group and I became their treasurer.
26:34
And at the time I had a little bit of a gambling issue going
26:37
on. And so, so take the 25 bucks, it
26:44
was something from the Kitty or whatever and going to have a few
26:46
bets. And then when I also had this
26:48
job where I was parking cars in a, in a car park in Circular
26:51
Quay. And on the weekends when they
26:53
come in to park their car, there's 5 or 6 bucks to park the
26:55
car for the day. And, and he'd give them a ticket
26:58
to as a receipt of their 6 bucks, but I'd only give it to
27:01
them if they asked for it. I'd take the 6 bucks.
27:03
And if they didn't ask for the ticket, that's the six bucks to
27:06
pay back a A. And so, so, so I had the the 25
27:10
going out from from a A and the parking places got the money
27:14
coming in to cover it. And so I think I heard someone
27:18
say this program once I drank because I wasn't living right.
27:21
And there's a big part of me that wasn't living right.
27:24
And and I left Sydney after no wine, no pain, no gain got old
27:30
of me. I'm not doing this anymore.
27:32
And so I run away. Oh, great history of running
27:35
away. They call it going on a trip,
27:37
but it's actually running away. And I came to Adelaide and, and
27:42
I stayed in as a bit longer, still kept up the pretense.
27:45
I'm a good a, a member and all the rest of it.
27:47
And I'm really, really happy to be with amongst you people and
27:50
you know, you're saving my life and it's just rubbish.
27:52
You know, I'm just echoing someone else's words.
27:54
And so there's still the scared little boys getting around
27:58
trying to prove himself. And so at the end of 4 1/2 years
28:02
of all of that and going home and checking the dough plants
28:05
and all the rest of it, I drank. Can you believe it?
28:10
Can you believe it? And, and from the moment I
28:13
picked up a drink, I was gone. I was gone.
28:16
I was back to the early morning. Drinking was immediate and I had
28:19
no control over it whatsoever. Anything that I'd learnt in a, a
28:23
anything had just gone. And I was just in this place
28:28
again where it was pubs and drugs and people and bad
28:32
relationships and living with other people and, you know,
28:35
destroying them and destroying their premises and police and
28:38
Duis, car crashes, overnight cells, It's just all came back
28:44
and it was a whole lot worse. It was a whole lot worse for me
28:47
with my thinking. I was mad.
28:49
I was so mad. I went so mad so quickly.
28:51
And, and I went on for another 12 months and, and I was, I had
28:56
an incredible occasion, which I don't have time to tell you
28:58
about, but I ended up back in Alcoholics Anonymous and, and I
29:03
haven't left since. And I was 29 years ago and, and
29:07
I got a sponsor and, and I joined a group and a member of
29:12
this group who's not here tonight.
29:13
He took me through the the big book and introduced me to the 12
29:15
steps. And I started working with other
29:18
people. I got a doctor involved in my
29:21
life to check my health because I'd live so poorly.
29:23
And my life, my diet was strictly 2 minute noodles.
29:28
And now and again I'd go the Oriental flavour and the step
29:32
up, but but it was like I, I, I went through the big book and it
29:39
and this whole program just opened up to me for the first
29:42
time. This thing meant something to
29:43
me. And I said, I'm Peter, I'm an
29:46
alcoholic. And I meant it because I
29:48
understood what it meant, because I went through the book
29:50
and I learned all about it. And I remember when I came back
29:54
to Alcoholics Anonymous, the first bloke that I ran into with
29:56
Broken Hill Jack and he said, where you been?
29:59
I said, I've been out there drinking Jack.
30:00
And he said, well, get in there and tell them all about it.
30:03
And he didn't tell me I had to do this, that or the other.
30:05
Just get in there and tell them all about it.
30:07
Tell and get well, was the old same we used to use.
30:10
And that's what we've been doing ever since.
30:12
And it's, you know, I've been sober ever since, but I've been
30:17
a changing person over the next 29 years.
30:20
You know, I haven't just got sober and became a good guy.
30:23
Whatever. I just, it's been this ongoing
30:25
change, ongoing conflicts, a lot of confusion, a lot of, I wonder
30:31
what this is all about, what, you know, why am I doing this?
30:34
I'm going, you know, you know, I had a lovely life and I got
30:37
married, I went overseas, I bought a house, you know, from
30:40
boarding houses to buying a home is just the most ridiculously
30:43
huge step. And you know, from being the
30:46
dumbest kid in school to getting a degree at, you know, even
30:50
doing a, a, a postgrad and doing really well in it, you know,
30:55
these are all shocking and amazing things.
30:57
You know, it's like, how does that all come about?
30:59
And, you know, I just look back at my childhood, you know, the
31:01
anxiety that I lived in, you know, this everyday anxiety, I
31:04
think I was just born anxious. And, and, you know, alcohol was
31:08
dealing with that, dealing with a whole lot of other things.
31:11
And so I had a very false view of myself.
31:13
And thankfully, Alcoholics Anonymously, slowly but surely
31:17
just given me a better view and a better opinion of myself to be
31:21
able to walk in this world and don't have to be a pretender
31:24
anymore, You know, and I don't, I don't.
31:27
The last thing I want to be is, is that pretender, that person
31:30
that's pretending that I like life or pretending that I like
31:33
anybody, you know, you know, attraction rather than promotion
31:37
is a wonderful thing. And I was really attracted when
31:41
I came back to alcoholism. I was, I wasn't attracted to
31:43
much about IA except Snowy. I ran into Snowy at a meeting
31:46
and I, I just knew that man had something and he's the guy that
31:49
sponsored me. And I mean, I was, you know, I
31:52
had almost daily contact with him.
31:54
He didn't tell me I had to ring him at 8:00 every day or
31:57
anything like that, but I probably did.
31:59
And I did that for about 20-3 years before he passed away.
32:01
And because we had a relationship, you know, I became
32:05
relational and, and that's taken me into, you know, places in my,
32:10
my, my work career. It's like, you know, I became a
32:12
nurse and then I became a mental health nurse and done further
32:16
studies and, and now I'm working in forensic mental health and,
32:20
and I only started this job recently and it's like, man, I
32:23
want to run away from it. You know, there's a whole lot
32:25
more to learn. It's a whole new sort of legal
32:27
side to mental health and supervision licenses and things.
32:31
And man, it's a whole new ball game.
32:34
I think, man, do I really want to do this?
32:36
And then I can't with all these reasons why I don't have to.
32:39
I've got enough money. I don't really need to do this
32:40
and but I, I do need to do this, you know, it's a challenge and
32:45
it's, it's where, where I've been put.
32:46
I think that's where God's got me at the moment.
32:48
When the job became available, I said to God, do you think I
32:50
should go for this job? And the, the response that came
32:53
back was, well, if you don't apply for it, you've answered
32:57
your own question. OK, so I better apply for it.
33:00
So, and then there's a number of people went for it and I got the
33:03
job and there's your answer. And so if I was to just throw it
33:06
away because I'm fearful, I think that will be not what the
33:10
desired response would be. So I think my thinking has
33:14
improved a lot over the years and my ability to discuss things
33:17
and be honest about where I'm at has improved enormously through,
33:22
you know, I went through been married 20 years and a few years
33:25
ago, my wife and I had a very difficult time where we
33:28
separated. And I just was telling Jeff
33:31
about it today, how it knocked me for six and it really hurt me
33:34
and, and I didn't know if I was going to get up from that.
33:37
My, my thinking. I was just nothing, nothing was
33:41
resolving my grief. And, and then it was, remember
33:47
this person said, just give everything to God.
33:48
You got to continue to give everything to God.
33:50
And, but what a fluffy thing to say.
33:52
But I actually applied it and, and I trusted God for two
33:56
reasons, because he's a miracle working God, because we're all
33:58
miracles in here. And he's a, and he keeps his
34:01
promises. And that was the two things I,
34:03
I, I went with. And then I just had to leave the
34:06
whole thing alone. And, and over time, my wife and
34:09
I have reunited better than it's ever been.
34:12
You know, it's been the most extraordinary run of events that
34:15
have taken place. And, you know, we love each
34:17
other very much, but we had to learn how to do that really
34:20
well, a whole lot better because things just, you know, you know,
34:23
you just let the lawns grow a bit long and then it becomes
34:26
weedy and it gets messy. And it's like the time you get
34:28
back to it, man. How do you fix this?
34:30
And how do you fix? And I knew I couldn't fix it.
34:33
And I put that down to Alcoholics Anonymous.
34:35
My walk in IA is being to learn about that word palace that I'm
34:40
not, you know, I don't breathe without God.
34:42
You know, I don't, I don't exist without this higher power that
34:45
we speak about. And you know, I know that my
34:47
recovery today is not because I'm smart and clever.
34:50
It's the grace of God that's got me where I'm sitting today to be
34:53
able to talk about this and not in not, you know, you know, we
34:56
driving here tonight, there's people sleeping in the streets
34:58
in North Adelaide and you know, that that could be me.
35:01
I, I've worked in mental health institutions and I, that could
35:04
be me, you know, and I'm here amongst my fellow man men, you
35:09
know, people here that I really love and respect to sit down and
35:13
have a chat with, you know, what a gift.
35:15
And it's like I couldn't talk to anybody once.
35:18
So the, the program is wonderful.
35:21
Alcoholic silence is fantastic, but the program is just my
35:25
mainstay and it keeps me honest. It keeps me, keeps me talking
35:31
and it helps me to listen. It helps me to learn.
35:33
It helps me to be a better, a better family man.
35:35
And you know, it lets me know when I'm getting it wrong.
35:38
And I don't want to get things wrong.
35:41
But I never wanted to hurt anybody in my life, but I hurt
35:43
many and I can do that without a drink.
35:45
So Alcoholics Anonymous deals with my alcoholism.
35:49
There's no cure, but I know what this place has given me and
35:53
continuously give me is more than I ever expected.
35:56
And it introduced me to power greater than myself, who I
35:59
submit to every day, and that gives me a whole lot of peace
36:04
and thanks. For being here A A has more than
36:06
two million recovering Alcoholics throughout the world.
36:10
In Australia there are about 18,000 members.
36:15
They're made in over 2000 local meetings spread around the
36:19
country. Meetings range in size from a
36:22
handful in some areas to hundreds or more in larger
36:27
communities. And once again, if anyone you
36:30
know is struggling with alcohol issues, please call Alcoholics
36:34
Announcing 1300 Double 00022 or visit their website on aa.org
36:42
dot AU.