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The PRIDE Community & WITCHCRAFT Are the SAME · Heaven & Healing Podcast

• 0:00
  Welcome to Heaven and Healing podcast
• 0:02
  with Angela Skufca featuring her guest
• 0:04
  Richard Matthews
• 0:05
  >> [music]
• 0:06
  >> and we're so excited to be here today
• 0:07
  with you guys on this lovely Tuesday.
• 0:10
  >> Yes.
• 0:10
  >> It's a Tuesday. And where are we Angela?
• 0:12
  >> We are in [music] some park that is not
• 0:14
  Central Park of New York City.
• 0:15
  >> New York City. Okay, we are out from the
• 0:19
  Tennessee behind the scenes suburbs and
• 0:21
  we are in the city of New York. And
• 0:23
  we're so excited to just have this
• 0:24
  conversation with [music] us together.
• 0:26
  >> I told him I don't like doing intros and
• 0:28
  he just
• 0:29
  he just took the reins.
• 0:30
  That's what the scripture means when it
• 0:31
  says bear one another's burdens. He just
• 0:33
  totally took that cross for me and I so
• 0:36
  appreciate it.
• 0:36
  >> a little intro in the beginning
• 0:37
  sometimes and then a little candid
• 0:39
  banter.
• 0:40
  >> Yeah.
• 0:40
  >> But what are we talking about? We're
• 0:41
  just flowing.
• 0:42
  >> We're just flowing.
• 0:42
  >> Yeah. So enjoy the flow.
• 0:44
  >> Uh-huh.
• 0:44
  >> Enjoy the flow. So here we are in New
• 0:46
  York City.
• 0:46
  >> Yeah.
• 0:47
  >> We are just surrounded by sin and
• 0:49
  debauchery
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  and a goddess that stands right above
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  erected directly above us.
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  >> Yes. Welcome to New York.
• 0:57
  >> Welcome to New York.
• 0:59
  >> We had another podcast that we were
• 1:00
  talking about earlier but just
• 1:01
  remembering where we were and the Lord
• 1:04
  meeting us and being able to trust the
• 1:07
  Holy Spirit will encounter people. We're
• 1:09
  still doing our part. We're still the
• 1:10
  hands and feet of Jesus but also
• 1:13
  continuing to just have grace and
• 1:14
  compassion while we do it. Yeah.
• 1:16
  >> Yeah, it's crazy. You can like when you
• 1:18
  look around you can I don't know there's
• 1:20
  there's also like a discerning of
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  spirits happening as well so you can
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  just kind of see like
• 1:25
  the pain and the bondage of people. Oh
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  my gosh, this must happen you all the
• 1:28
  time though because you're you literally
• 1:30
  live in New York.
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  >> Yeah, I
• 1:34
  like I feel like
• 1:36
  if the Lord is like really pulling like
• 1:37
  I have to like activate but you know cuz
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  I
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  How do I explain that? Oh, now there's a
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  big Ford truck that's coming by.
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  >> [laughter]
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  >> from the New York
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  New York State Parks?
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  I don't know what it is but I don't
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  Which park?
• 1:54
  >> What were you saying?
• 1:56
  >> You were asking me I must feel this all
• 1:57
  the time and the answer is like yes and
• 1:59
  no.
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  Like I'll feel it and then like if I'm
• 2:02
  focusing on something and I believe like
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  the Lord is like working
• 2:06
  on
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  like not always being an evangelist mode
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  24/7
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  and like you can rest and your your
• 2:14
  identity is a son.
• 2:16
  Um but yeah, there's a lot that you
• 2:18
  discern and that you can pick up and
• 2:19
  then you can kind of be active all the
• 2:21
  time.
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  And then like, you know, it is what it
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  is. You'll have trucks go by.
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  You'll have someone manifest who's maybe
• 2:28
  also homeless and we just pray, we do
• 2:30
  what we can
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  and we keep going.
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  >> I used to feel like such a burden that
• 2:35
  if I wasn't like in the streets
• 2:36
  evangelizing that I was like a bad
• 2:38
  Christian
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  >> Mhm.
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  >> or if I didn't
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  stop and like say to my waitress like
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  hey, can I pray for you or something
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  like that I was doing something wrong.
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  >> Yeah.
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  >> And
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  it kind of got so weird for me because
• 2:51
  it went from
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  you know, you obviously want to see
• 2:53
  people saved but then you it's so easy
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  to like cross that threshold into like a
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  work space thing.
• 2:58
  >> Yeah.
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  >> Where it's like I need to check off
• 3:01
  these boxes so that I'm doing good.
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  >> Right.
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  >> So that I can prove myself as like
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  approved by the Father and
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  this this person's in eternity literally
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  rests solely on my shoulders. If I don't
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  share the gospel with them right now,
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  there's no hope and that's like
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  it's a lot of pressure.
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  >> And [music] Jesus says that his yoke is
• 3:21
  easy and his burden is light and he
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  gives us rest.
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  And so it's really great to be able to
• 3:27
  um
• 3:27
  just know now there's a dog out there
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  and
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  >> A very cute dog.
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  Some of the distractions are
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  >> Some of them are good.
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  >> [laughter]
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  >> But I love that you talked about that um
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  cuz that was me 2022 2023
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  kind of like going into this like okay,
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  I need to check this off like am I
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  performing well and God's like I'm not
• 3:48
  school.
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  I'm not your mom. I'm not your dad.
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  Your identity is a son, you can receive
• 3:54
  identity, you can receive rest. So,
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  yeah, it's been a a maturing since 2023
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  to
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  okay, as the Holy Spirit leads, if
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  there's an opening, go.
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  And, not but, and you can rest.
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  >> Let's actually talk about that for a
• 4:12
  minute because
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  so, your conversion, what year was that
• 4:16
  about? Like 21, 22?
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  >> Yeah, I started coming to VOUS Church in
• 4:20
  2022, but I was still compromised. 2023
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  was like full surrender.
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  And then at the same time, this
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  acceleration.
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  >> [laughter]
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  >> I hear you.
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  So, I'm just in this in this um period
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  right now where
• 4:34
  you know, you know how it is with God
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  where
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  you never quite
• 4:40
  you never quite arrive and yet you
• 4:43
  always have everything you need.
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  >> Right.
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  >> So, what I mean by that is
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  he's sufficient in all ways and there's
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  nothing we could ever possibly do to
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  love him more. And yet at the same time,
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  it's like every day I feel like I learn
• 4:56
  that a little bit more.
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  >> Yeah.
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  >> And so like the revelation becomes more
• 4:59
  clear to me.
• 5:00
  >> Yeah.
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  >> Um so, what has that like looked like
• 5:03
  for you cuz both of us, you know, and we
• 5:06
  we talk about this with Pastor Mike, we
• 5:08
  we talk about this in general how even
• 5:10
  though we both have such
• 5:12
  radically different backgrounds where
• 5:14
  you come out of LGBTQ, I come out of
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  witchcraft really the root
• 5:19
  is the same, it just manifested in
• 5:20
  different symptoms, you know?
• 5:22
  >> Yeah.
• 5:22
  >> And it's identity.
• 5:24
  >> Yeah. And that control that we even
• 5:26
  talked about.
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  >> And it's this striving.
• 5:29
  >> Right.
• 5:30
  >> So, no matter what end of the spectrum
• 5:32
  you're on, it's like you're trying to
• 5:33
  grab and clutch and hold and control and
• 5:35
  strive.
• 5:36
  >> So, exactly. So, what I'm curious about
• 5:38
  for you is like
• 5:40
  when you look back in hindsight cuz
• 5:41
  you've been walking with the Lord for a
• 5:42
  few years now as have I when you look
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  back in hindsight, how do you see those
• 5:47
  same patterns
• 5:49
  that you kind of carried over with you
• 5:51
  from that lifestyle into your
• 5:52
  relationship with the Lord, and how has
• 5:54
  he
• 5:55
  developed you and matured you since then
• 5:57
  to really understanding grace?
• 6:00
  >> Yeah.
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  Um
• 6:02
  rejection is coming up for me that I'm
• 6:04
  thinking about. And so, there's a really
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  great book that I read called Breaking
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  the Stronghold of Rejection by Apostle
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  John Eckhardt.
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  >> He's great.
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  >> And a lot of the connections that I
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  didn't realize is that people are
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  looking for love or power in all the
• 6:18
  wrong places because there has been a
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  pain. And often people who have
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  um started embracing perversion at such
• 6:27
  a mass level is because there was
• 6:29
  rejection um in their youth. And so,
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  to answer your question, but also
• 6:35
  elaborate,
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  I feel as I've come to the Lord and
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  dropped the perversion, the Lord is
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  still doing a work in
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  maturing us and healing us in rejection
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  and not striving. Cuz people who are
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  rejected are people who
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  Okay, like I have to do it.
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  I have to be independent. I have to
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  figure it out. I'm going to make a way.
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  I have to do this or you're not going to
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  like me. If I don't do this thing for
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  God, he's going to be upset. Those are
• 7:04
  people who are
• 7:06
  have been hurt with this rejection
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  wound, this orphan wound. But as we
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  continue to mature in Christ, he
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  continues to really remind us that
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  salvation what is a gift. Our identity
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  is a gift. He's giving us rest. You've
• 7:21
  had to work for all of your life. And
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  so, I just say
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  as I've dropped the perversion, the Lord
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  has continued to highlight things in my
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  heart where like I'm trying to like do
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  things in strength, and the Lord's like,
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  "Actually, you can put that down."
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  >> Mhm.
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  >> Put that down. Put that down. You're
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  safe. You're okay.
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  >> I feel that.
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  >> You're growing. Put that down.
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  Um and so, yeah, I think the loud sins
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  they're gone.
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  >> [laughter]
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  >> But those quiet sins, those things of
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  the heart like my my encouragement and
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  what I want want to say is that the Lord
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  is always reminding me and I hope
• 7:57
  reminding us that we're not orphans that
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  we've been adopted by Jesus that we're a
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  part of a family and it's saved that
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  we're sons and we're daughters. And so
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  that's the thing that I'm
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  always
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  reminding myself of with the Lord or
• 8:12
  coming back to yeah.
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  >> Yeah, I totally feel that. I was just
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  telling you pre-roll
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  that that's kind of same thing is
• 8:18
  happening to me right now where I'm like
• 8:22
  he he kind of like allows us to go
• 8:24
  through things
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  because
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  you know, whether it's the devil whether
• 8:29
  it's
• 8:30
  God disciplining us either way he's
• 8:32
  going to use it.
• 8:34
  >> Yeah.
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  >> And so
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  for me I'm realizing more and more that
• 8:39
  he allows us to go through the attack or
• 8:42
  the the tribulation whatever it is
• 8:44
  because
• 8:45
  he's always interested in conforming us
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  to
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  his image
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  and not just like in our countenance,
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  you know, like how we treat other people
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  but also how we actually perceive
• 8:59
  ourselves the same way that he perceives
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  us so it really comes back to identity
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  like I don't want you to be rejected so
• 9:05
  I'm going to allow you to go through XYZ
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  to highlight these areas where you
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  haven't fully like believed me.
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  And and I actually you know, it's like
• 9:14
  you said like the big sins are gone but
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  it's like
• 9:17
  it's like the sin of unbelief in a way,
• 9:19
  you know,
• 9:20
  where he highlights you know,
• 9:24
  you haven't you're not trusting me here.
• 9:27
  And so because you haven't received this
• 9:29
  fully you're not living it fully.
• 9:31
  >> Yeah.
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  >> And I need you to live it fully.
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  >> And that's the that's the goal of being
• 9:36
  a Christian, is to abide in the fullness
• 9:39
  of Christ. And that fullness is for us
• 9:43
  to drop those things that are
• 9:46
  that he never told us to pick up in in
• 9:48
  the first place. I love that you talked
• 9:50
  about trusting the Lord. Yeah. Do you
• 9:52
  trust me in this area?
• 9:55
  Rachel, you're not trusting me in this
• 9:56
  area. This is something we're working
• 9:57
  on. What do you mean I'm not trusting
• 9:59
  you in this area? Well, X, Y, and Z and
• 10:02
  how you reacted and then this the the
• 10:04
  moment it was really small, you reacted
• 10:06
  but you felt it. That's an indication of
• 10:09
  something's going on in the heart. Let's
• 10:10
  explore it in the secret place. And I
• 10:13
  feel like sometimes Christians
• 10:16
  there's some who think that they have
• 10:17
  arrived
• 10:19
  and they think that this is this club
• 10:20
  when it's actually no, like
• 10:21
  sanctification is this process. David
• 10:24
  continuously went to God with a broken
• 10:27
  and contrite heart. Let's do that, you
• 10:28
  know?
• 10:29
  >> Yeah.
• 10:29
  >> And and it doesn't mean that we're not
• 10:33
  doing a good job, whatever that means,
• 10:34
  or less of a Christian. No, it's just
• 10:36
  you're human and you are becoming like
• 10:39
  Christ. You're being conformed to his
• 10:40
  image.
• 10:42
  >> So, for me that's something that I've
• 10:44
  had to like undo mentally and just, you
• 10:46
  know, through my old wounding coming
• 10:48
  from new ages like
• 10:50
  realizing that
• 10:52
  kind of when I came to Christianity, I
• 10:54
  was spiritually bypassing in a lot of
• 10:56
  ways because I wanted to avoid that or I
• 10:57
  thought that if I did feel any semblance
• 11:01
  of you know, the spectrum of human
• 11:03
  emotion, that I was somehow
• 11:05
  not a good Christian. I wasn't doing a
• 11:07
  good job. I wasn't like
• 11:09
  I wasn't really full of the spirit.
• 11:11
  >> Mhm.
• 11:12
  >> And so I'd like condemn myself and be
• 11:13
  really hard on myself
• 11:15
  >> Mhm.
• 11:15
  >> and be like, "Okay, well, I don't want
• 11:17
  to partner with that, so I'm just going
• 11:18
  to
• 11:19
  push it down." But that's like not a
• 11:21
  biblical That's not what we see
• 11:22
  biblically at all. I mean, Jesus
• 11:24
  I was talking about this on a on a video
• 11:26
  I did with actually Mike like at the
• 11:27
  beginning of the year that Jesus is not
• 11:31
  offended nor afraid of my humanity.
• 11:34
  Matter of fact, he became it.
• 11:37
  >> Yes.
• 11:38
  >> And
• 11:39
  >> So, why should we?
• 11:39
  >> It's right. So, why why am I going to
• 11:42
  try and stifle that?
• 11:44
  >> Yeah.
• 11:45
  >> To approach him.
• 11:46
  >> Yeah.
• 11:47
  I um
• 11:49
  I'll get a lot of questions from people
• 11:50
  who are struggling with like identity
• 11:52
  and sexual brokenness. You're like, how
• 11:54
  are you
• 11:55
  like you've gone such a long time and
• 11:58
  like you're still with the Lord. Like,
• 11:59
  how are you continuing to sustain
• 12:02
  yourself? And being a Christian is
• 12:05
  continuing to one, have a deeper
• 12:07
  revelation of God, but a deeper
• 12:08
  surrender.
• 12:10
  Is continuing to surrender those things
• 12:11
  of the heart. If the Lord says I'm not
• 12:13
  trusting in him in in him something,
• 12:15
  let's actually confront it. The problem
• 12:17
  is people don't want to confront their
• 12:19
  pain.
• 12:20
  >> Yeah.
• 12:20
  >> being. You have emotions. Things that
• 12:22
  bother you. It's okay. What are you
• 12:24
  going to do it What are you going to do
• 12:26
  about it? You have to confront it with
• 12:27
  the Lord and heal and work through that.
• 12:30
  >> process
• 12:30
  >> You have to process. Like, I can't push
• 12:32
  it down. It's not an option to push it
• 12:34
  down because if you can if you if you
• 12:36
  keep pushing it down,
• 12:38
  there's potentially people will
• 12:39
  backslide into numbing themselves in the
• 12:41
  things outside of God, which leads to
• 12:44
  sin and transgression and iniquity and
• 12:47
  all of those things. When what you need
• 12:49
  to do is confront your pain with the
• 12:51
  Lord.
• 12:52
  The reason why you're having a difficult
• 12:54
  time, whoever that is, is because you're
• 12:56
  not being honest with the Lord in your
• 12:58
  prayers. You're not saying this sucks or
• 13:00
  I'm mad or I'm frustrated. Because for
• 13:03
  some reason there's this weird legalism
• 13:05
  where you think like the Lord, I don't
• 13:08
  want to bring this to the Lord. If Jesus
• 13:10
  cried himself in the Garden of
• 13:11
  Gethsemane and said, "Hey God, I would
• 13:13
  rather not die on the cross. Can this
• 13:15
  cup pass for me?"
• 13:17
  And he prayed that three times.
• 13:20
  And now he agree but the difference is
• 13:22
  that he agreed with the will of God. So,
• 13:25
  So is a point where we have to confess
• 13:26
  and bring it to the Lord but then agree
• 13:27
  with what he's saying. But a lot of us
• 13:30
  are not confessing and it's it's
• 13:32
  constricting you.
• 13:33
  And so like my my encouragement and my
• 13:36
  prayer, especially what what you were
• 13:37
  saying and what we've been learning and
• 13:39
  growing in, be honest with the Lord.
• 13:41
  >> Yeah.
• 13:42
  >> I Oh well, he knows. Yeah, he knows but
• 13:45
  he wants you to say it.
• 13:48
  He loves to hear when you speak. He
• 13:50
  loves your voice. He loves it when you
• 13:52
  pray.
• 13:53
  Prayer is not always going to look like
• 13:55
  this one
• 13:56
  thing or whatever.
• 13:58
  Sometimes I pray and I'm don't I don't
• 14:00
  even talk a lot. I'm just listening or
• 14:02
  processing.
• 14:03
  >> Yeah.
• 14:04
  >> There's sometimes prayer where I'm just
• 14:05
  rambling.
• 14:07
  And the Lord's like he's waiting. He's
• 14:08
  like,
• 14:09
  "You need another 5 minutes?" And I was
• 14:10
  like, "Actually, I do."
• 14:12
  >> Yeah.
• 14:13
  And you know, we were we were talking
• 14:14
  about this like before our podcast with
• 14:17
  Pastor Mike just about
• 14:18
  kind of the the nature of the internet
• 14:21
  right now and how we're all kind of
• 14:23
  feeling collectively in the body of
• 14:25
  Christ
• 14:26
  that
• 14:27
  we're being affected by the metrics.
• 14:29
  We're being affected by the algorithm
• 14:31
  We're being affected by all these things
• 14:33
  but again, coming back to God's
• 14:35
  sovereignty,
• 14:36
  I think that he's kind of allowing this
• 14:40
  maybe pull back in a sense because I
• 14:42
  think
• 14:43
  I think maybe he's really heartbroken
• 14:45
  and displeased with what the internet
• 14:48
  and the culture of
• 14:51
  social media Christianity has bred aside
• 14:54
  from like the Pharisees we were talking
• 14:56
  about with Pastor Mike, aside from the
• 14:58
  crudeness and the rudeness, I think this
• 15:00
  element that you and I are discussing
• 15:02
  here, I think that's like a part of it
• 15:03
  because
• 15:05
  it's like you have all these Christians
• 15:06
  that just want to show off their
• 15:07
  highlight reels.
• 15:08
  >> Right.
• 15:10
  >> And so we're So we both obviously have
• 15:13
  online platforms. So what have you
• 15:15
  observed about that over over the last
• 15:17
  few years and and has that has that like
• 15:19
  broken your heart because it's broken
• 15:21
  mine a lot?
• 15:22
  >> Yeah, aside from like the Pharisees and
• 15:24
  all of that, it breaks my heart to see
• 15:28
  social media Christianity, Christian
• 15:30
  influencers
• 15:31
  who are continuously trying to
• 15:35
  portray this image
• 15:37
  of holiness
• 15:39
  but they're not really reading their
• 15:40
  Bible. They're not really seeking the
• 15:42
  Lord in prayer and being honest. And
• 15:45
  hear me when I say read the Bible, it's
• 15:46
  not read the Bible in the sense of like,
• 15:48
  yes, we want to study to show ourselves
• 15:49
  approved, but like God, like you're
• 15:52
  saying this is in my heart or this is
• 15:54
  something that I'm struggling with. What
• 15:55
  does the Bible have to say? And let me
• 15:57
  sit with it. Let me not continue to
• 15:59
  post. Let me take a moment. Let me take
• 16:01
  a break and be with the Lord. What does
• 16:03
  that like look like instead of trying to
• 16:05
  continuously push out and outpour and do
• 16:08
  all of the things. You're a human being
• 16:10
  and there's rest and rhythms of rest
• 16:13
  that needs to take place within your
• 16:15
  walk with the Lord and within your
• 16:16
  ministry. And so it breaks my heart
• 16:18
  because like if you have eyes to see and
• 16:20
  you can discern
• 16:22
  it's like there's a lot of talk, but the
• 16:23
  talk is cheap.
• 16:25
  And the anointing
• 16:29
  flows from the crushing behind the
• 16:31
  scenes.
• 16:33
  And you can tell when people are being
• 16:34
  crushed in the secret place and when
• 16:36
  they're in and when they are not. And so
• 16:38
  my heart breaks
• 16:39
  not that
• 16:41
  not that being crushed is exciting. It's
• 16:43
  not.
• 16:45
  But a lot of the times when we see
• 16:46
  scripture, the anointing is for an
• 16:49
  assignment.
• 16:50
  The anointing is not just for you to
• 16:52
  post a video
• 16:55
  that is uh humorous and funny and
• 16:57
  lighthearted. We need those that it's
• 16:59
  great.
• 17:00
  But it's like what are we like the the
• 17:02
  things that we are doing is trying to
• 17:04
  save souls. So if I'm in the business of
• 17:06
  saving souls, my reputation doesn't
• 17:09
  matter. I'm not looking to hold a
• 17:11
  perfect image. Paul himself was not a
• 17:13
  perfect man. He had disagreements. He
• 17:17
  and he and Apostle Peter fought a lot.
• 17:19
  But then they were also unified as well.
• 17:22
  So like what does that look like to hold
• 17:24
  the balance of your humanity, confront
• 17:26
  your pain, be crushed in the secret
• 17:28
  place, and continue to show up not for
• 17:31
  yourself but for others? And I think
• 17:34
  that pouring of that oil is so much more
• 17:37
  potent and so much more needed than
• 17:40
  trying to thank the and
• 17:41
  Christianize everything. And I think
• 17:44
  you've done uh I mean your recent video
• 17:46
  and your recent YouTube long-form as
• 17:48
  well was just being so honest about the
• 17:50
  climate of social media, and that's
• 17:52
  refreshing to see. Like I'm not always
• 17:55
  like
• 17:56
  Like it's not always a fight. It's not
• 17:58
  always a pretty picture. And that's
• 18:01
  okay.
• 18:01
  >> Yeah.
• 18:02
  >> And it's needed for people to know
• 18:05
  that they can relate to that. It's
• 18:07
  relatable.
• 18:09
  Because that points to Jesus. Jesus was
• 18:11
  He was human. He cried. He wept. He
• 18:14
  mourned. He got angry. And He also went
• 18:18
  to the Father in prayer.
• 18:20
  I said a lot, but
• 18:21
  >> No, you said a lot good [laughter]
• 18:23
  things.
• 18:24
  How was like
• 18:26
  How has been being online as like now
• 18:30
  >> Yeah.
• 18:31
  >> You kind of like you know, cuz you kind
• 18:33
  of received this
• 18:35
  title this label
• 18:37
  >> Yeah.
• 18:38
  >> this image of you that is
• 18:42
  constructed just through other people's
• 18:44
  perceptions and even their own wounding
• 18:46
  in a lot of ways and then they just kind
• 18:48
  of like create this caricature of who
• 18:50
  they think you are based on what you
• 18:51
  post.
• 18:52
  >> Right.
• 18:52
  >> Um how has that been for you like to
• 18:56
  kind of just go viral and then become an
• 19:00
  influencer for lack of a better I don't
• 19:02
  even like that term, but the fact of the
• 19:03
  matter is whether or not you have a
• 19:04
  social media account like we're all
• 19:05
  influencers.
• 19:06
  >> have influence.
• 19:07
  >> We are imitators. Yeah. It's biblical
• 19:09
  like imitate me as I imitate Christ
• 19:11
  because we are imitators. That's what
• 19:13
  human beings do. So, we're all
• 19:15
  influencers. It's just just so happens
• 19:18
  to be the term that's like, you know,
• 19:20
  uses the label, whatever. You get what
• 19:22
  I'm saying? Like, how has that
• 19:24
  How has that been for for you to observe
• 19:26
  like how people perceive you and kind of
• 19:28
  what they expect
• 19:29
  >> Yeah.
• 19:30
  >> of you
• 19:30
  >> Yeah.
• 19:31
  >> as a Christian?
• 19:33
  >> I feel like
• 19:36
  kind of you in the same boat of I don't
• 19:38
  make typical content.
• 19:40
  >> Right.
• 19:40
  >> I do a lot of content that is
• 19:43
  it comes very strong. It's heavy. It's
• 19:47
  weighted. Cuz I'm really serious about
• 19:50
  I'm not This is what you've given me,
• 19:52
  Lord. I'm not here to say what I want to
• 19:54
  say.
• 19:54
  >> Yeah.
• 19:55
  >> Um and so, like I feel like my content
• 19:57
  has been very different from typical
• 19:59
  Christian content. And so, it carries a
• 20:02
  weight. But along with that, there is
• 20:06
  like a a beautiful duality of me where
• 20:08
  I'm so serious about loving Jesus and
• 20:12
  very overtly obsessed with him.
• 20:14
  Um but also there's this joyful, you
• 20:16
  know, ness. So, it's like you're bal-
• 20:18
  like you're balancing this kind of char-
• 20:20
  character-ture as you were saying it,
• 20:22
  being online.
• 20:24
  Um
• 20:25
  and there's a tension {slash} a
• 20:26
  temptation of
• 20:30
  I want people to perceive me this way.
• 20:32
  >> Yeah.
• 20:32
  >> Like I don't want people to see me as so
• 20:35
  serious.
• 20:37
  I don't want people to see me as someone
• 20:38
  that's maybe silly
• 20:40
  and doesn't really love the word of God.
• 20:44
  And but like
• 20:46
  my reputation is not in my hands.
• 20:48
  It's in the Lord. So, I giving away that
• 20:51
  temptation of letting go of how I'm
• 20:53
  being perceived. But that's been a real
• 20:54
  struggle of like
• 20:55
  >> Yeah.
• 20:55
  >> like those extremes of like
• 20:57
  >> Right.
• 20:58
  >> Like, okay, like there's this joyful and
• 21:00
  then there's like the hunger for the
• 21:02
  word of God. And those all come
• 21:03
  together. And I believe there's some
• 21:06
  people who come to my content and my
• 21:07
  platform from both of those sides and
• 21:10
  they actually come to see the like see
• 21:12
  Jesus, which is the heart of what we
• 21:14
  should all be doing. Whatever we're
• 21:16
  doing, they should actually see Jesus.
• 21:18
  They should actually be seeing the
• 21:19
  gospel.
• 21:20
  Um but I've had to lay that down this
• 21:23
  temptation of trying to control my image
• 21:26
  and how I'm perceived and my reputation.
• 21:29
  It doesn't matter. People don't really
• 21:30
  know me, which is why having a church
• 21:32
  and church community is so important.
• 21:35
  Which is why having relationships is so
• 21:36
  important because people can be fickle
• 21:39
  as far as the crowd or as far as online.
• 21:41
  They can praise you one day and be upset
• 21:43
  the next day. I've had people who've
• 21:45
  been excited about me, but as I've
• 21:47
  continued to talk about Israel and Islam
• 21:50
  and these other things, they're not
• 21:52
  happy and it's just like, well,
• 21:54
  this is the word of the Lord and this is
• 21:56
  what God has been been placing for me to
• 21:58
  speak on. So, my allegiance is not to
• 22:00
  you, it's to him. And so, I think I've
• 22:03
  been learning that my allegiance is to
• 22:04
  him and laying down those reputations.
• 22:07
  Um
• 22:08
  One more thing that I will also say the
• 22:10
  temptation and the tension of
• 22:12
  you can get caught up in numbers and
• 22:15
  being like, well, let me
• 22:16
  I want to do this and get to this next
• 22:18
  level and this next goal or I want to
• 22:19
  have this amount and there was a point
• 22:22
  last year where the Lord was like,
• 22:23
  you're trying to open doors that I'm not
• 22:25
  opening.
• 22:26
  >> I remember you sharing that and it was
• 22:28
  >> And I was like,
• 22:30
  you're right.
• 22:32
  >> That's
• 22:33
  >> You have your way. I'm closing it. I
• 22:36
  have I have no say. I have no part.
• 22:38
  >> What what was that in regard to? Was
• 22:40
  that just like Did you get to a place
• 22:42
  where you found yourself like
• 22:44
  instead of using the platform he gave
• 22:47
  you to lift him like you started to find
• 22:49
  yourself trying to build your platform?
• 22:51
  Do you know what I'm saying?
• 22:52
  >> I've always been a person that's been
• 22:53
  looking at like numbers. And so, for me,
• 22:56
  I'm like, Lord, well, where is this
• 22:58
  Where is money coming from? Where is
• 22:59
  income coming from?
• 23:01
  >> Got you. Yeah.
• 23:01
  >> Having so many, just so y'all know,
• 23:04
  having sub- followers and subscribers
• 23:06
  does not equate to your bank account.
• 23:09
  >> It does not.
• 23:10
  >> Preach.
• 23:11
  >> And so at the time last year, I had a
• 23:12
  part-time job. And so like my thing was
• 23:14
  like, well, I just need to make extra
• 23:16
  income. So let me make extra income
• 23:18
  outs- like let me try to find the ways.
• 23:21
  And the Lord was really reining me back
• 23:23
  of, "No, I'm your provider. And you're
• 23:26
  kind of Richard, you're you're you're
• 23:29
  you're stepping outside of the bounds of
• 23:30
  what I'm allowing. And it's like you're
• 23:32
  forgetting really what I called you to."
• 23:35
  >> Mhm.
• 23:35
  >> Um
• 23:36
  >> Wow.
• 23:36
  >> Cuz you're trying to search and find.
• 23:38
  And it's it's a need, right? You're
• 23:40
  like, dang, like I do need some income.
• 23:42
  But it's like this the Bible says faith
• 23:44
  pleases the Lord. So we either trust the
• 23:45
  Lord or we don't.
• 23:46
  >> And the Bible says, you know, cuz people
• 23:49
  I'm sure you get this too, like
• 23:51
  you you're making money off of this.
• 23:53
  It's like the Bible actually says that
• 23:56
  you should make a living for preaching
• 23:58
  the word of God. But it but it's such a
• 24:00
  slippery slope where you get into like
• 24:02
  the Bible says I should be earning a
• 24:03
  living for preaching the word of God.
• 24:05
  >> Right.
• 24:05
  >> So I'm going to take this into my hands
• 24:07
  >> Right.
• 24:07
  >> out how to do that. And it's like he's
• 24:09
  like, "Hello."
• 24:10
  >> So his his gentle reminder from the end
• 24:13
  of last year was like, "You like your
• 24:16
  focus is starting to skew a little bit."
• 24:18
  So he brought me there. I decided to not
• 24:21
  like press into doors. And my the
• 24:23
  scripture that was coming to me was that
• 24:26
  the door that the Lord opens no man can
• 24:28
  shut. And the door that the Lord closes
• 24:29
  no man can open. So wherever the Lord
• 24:32
  wants me to be, he will bring me into
• 24:35
  those places. And he's he's also told me
• 24:37
  some other things in the secret place
• 24:39
  that he's going to lead me into.
• 24:41
  >> Yeah.
• 24:42
  >> But in my my carnal mind, I'm like,
• 24:45
  "Well, that's not adding up financially.
• 24:48
  And so like where am I going to do that?
• 24:50
  And how is that going to happen? And
• 24:51
  when is that going to happen? Maybe I
• 24:53
  should do some things to speed this up."
• 24:55
  And the Lord's like, "Actually, no.
• 24:57
  It's still going to happen, but in the
• 24:59
  right timing." And then as we talked
• 25:01
  about a little bit off character off
• 25:03
  camera, there was a lot of character
• 25:04
  development [laughter] going on as well.
• 25:07
  >> is this when you felt like he told you
• 25:09
  cuz you took a pretty long social media
• 25:10
  break?
• 25:11
  >> I did. I wanted to
• 25:15
  Well,
• 25:16
  I took the break and the Lord met me and
• 25:20
  he was like, "Okay, I know you need a
• 25:21
  break, so I'm going to meet you there."
• 25:24
  So, I took a break because of several
• 25:26
  transitions.
• 25:27
  Um the job that I had, I had
• 25:30
  transitioned out of it. Currently right
• 25:32
  now, I'm not working full-time or
• 25:34
  part-time at all.
• 25:36
  And the Lord was continuing though to
• 25:39
  say that the transition the transitions
• 25:42
  that took place, I allowed it.
• 25:45
  And so, am I going to trust that the
• 25:46
  Lord is sovereign and trust that he's
• 25:48
  good even though I'm not seeing the full
• 25:49
  picture?
• 25:51
  Or am I not?
• 25:53
  And so, I had to learn during that time
• 25:55
  as I stepped away this deeper revelation
• 25:57
  of what it looks like to trust the Lord
• 25:59
  and operate in faith.
• 26:01
  And ever since then at the top of
• 26:02
  January, I've been doing projects where
• 26:05
  I've literally had to trust the Lord to
• 26:06
  provide and he's come through and my
• 26:08
  faith
• 26:10
  like I know the Lord on such a deeper
• 26:12
  level not having a job and having him
• 26:16
  provide in areas that I could not
• 26:17
  conceive of.
• 26:23
  I'm thinking about how Apostle Paul
• 26:24
  didn't backslide is because he continued
• 26:26
  to have encounters with the Lord.
• 26:28
  >> Wow.
• 26:28
  >> He continued to be deep with the Lord.
• 26:30
  He continued to be honest with the Lord.
• 26:31
  He said, "Lord, there's a thorn on my
• 26:33
  side." The Lord said, "I'm not removing
• 26:34
  it." He was upset. He was, you know, he
• 26:37
  he went through those trials and
• 26:38
  tribulations, but he continued to be
• 26:40
  with the Lord.
• 26:42
  And so, if Apostle Paul is doing that,
• 26:43
  if Job is doing that, why do I think
• 26:45
  that I shouldn't go through those
• 26:47
  things? And that does not give me
• 26:49
  permission to leave the Lord at the
• 26:51
  altar.
• 26:52
  I have to stay with the Lord.
• 26:54
  And as I do that, I get a deeper
• 26:56
  revelation of who he is. I get a deeper
• 26:58
  revelation of how good he is.
• 27:00
  And so, as sin continues to tempt and
• 27:02
  creep out my door,
• 27:04
  it's not just the Richard that was saved
• 27:07
  in 2023. No, Richard was saved in 2026.
• 27:13
  2 weeks ago.
• 27:16
  I had an encounter with the Lord 2 weeks
• 27:18
  ago. With just him being my provider.
• 27:21
  >> Wow.
• 27:22
  >> And so, as we do that, I like that is
• 27:24
  how we endure. That's how we mature.
• 27:26
  That's how we gain confidence with the
• 27:28
  Lord. I'm not with the Richard now is
• 27:30
  not operating out of the oil and out of
• 27:33
  the faith of 2023.
• 27:35
  This is a newer level of faith, a newer
• 27:37
  level of oil in 2026.
• 27:40
  >> Right. That's so good.
• 27:43
  And it comes through I'm thinking about
• 27:45
  the verse, seek first the kingdom of God
• 27:47
  and all these things will be added to
• 27:48
  you.
• 27:48
  >> Yeah.
• 27:49
  >> So, it's like the more you seek him
• 27:52
  above everything else,
• 27:53
  >> Yeah.
• 27:54
  >> like the provision will like all the
• 27:56
  things in the natural will come, but
• 27:58
  also
• 27:59
  the the faith like the measure of faith
• 28:01
  will increase because he we you know, we
• 28:04
  get so weird about like the conversation
• 28:06
  of faith and do you have enough faith
• 28:08
  and blah blah blah blah blah, but you
• 28:10
  know, faith comes by hearing and hearing
• 28:12
  the word of God. Jesus is the word made
• 28:13
  flesh. So, it's like
• 28:15
  being in your physical Bible and
• 28:16
  actually being in the in the
• 28:18
  supernatural presence
• 28:20
  >> Yeah.
• 28:20
  >> of Jesus,
• 28:21
  >> Yeah.
• 28:22
  >> that is where your faith increases.
• 28:25
  And again, like bearing your heart to
• 28:27
  him, like bearing your soul to him and
• 28:29
  approaching him with honesty and knowing
• 28:31
  that he's not
• 28:33
  like disappointed in you. He's not going
• 28:35
  to just like
• 28:36
  >> He's not going to leave you.
• 28:38
  >> Yeah.
• 28:39
  >> Oh, that's such a And I think if more
• 28:40
  Christians are honest,
• 28:43
  they would probably say, "I feel like
• 28:45
  the Lord is going to leave me.
• 28:48
  But as you keep pushing and pressing
• 28:50
  with him, you get that revelation. Oh
• 28:52
  wow, you truly are you're never going to
• 28:54
  leave me or forsake me.
• 28:57
  Even though there was this thing in my
• 28:58
  heart and I was feeling some type of way
• 28:59
  and I needed a healing and I needed some
• 29:00
  character development, you didn't stay.
• 29:03
  Because there's no shame in discipline.
• 29:05
  There's no disappointment in discipline.
• 29:08
  >> Well,
• 29:09
  I feel like too if we if we all just
• 29:11
  kind of like adopted that posture,
• 29:14
  we would have a lot less time to be
• 29:17
  looking at the
• 29:18
  the speck in each other's eyes as often.
• 29:20
  Like I can't tell you,
• 29:22
  you know, talking about like the
• 29:23
  caricature and the perception and
• 29:25
  whatever.
• 29:25
  >> Yeah.
• 29:26
  >> The thing that people probably
• 29:29
  come at me most for is like
• 29:31
  Okay, first of all, they're like, you
• 29:33
  look angry. Like, girl, I can't help my
• 29:34
  face. This is what it looks like, you
• 29:36
  know, the Lord sculpted it. I don't
• 29:38
  think he did that bad of a job, but you
• 29:40
  know, like I'm sorry that my eyebrows
• 29:42
  are just kind of like
• 29:43
  Um anyway, that's why I have
• 29:45
  >> Thanks for so long. Anyway, so
• 29:47
  >> You know, you look you look angry. You
• 29:49
  sound angry. Like you need to cool it
• 29:51
  with your tone. You needed this, you
• 29:52
  needed that. I'm like, according to
• 29:54
  whom? Like
• 29:55
  >> Right.
• 29:57
  >> Who are you?
• 29:58
  >> Right.
• 29:58
  >> This is
• 30:00
  you know, Jesus died to
• 30:03
  change my character, not necessarily
• 30:07
  like my personality.
• 30:08
  >> Yeah. Yeah.
• 30:09
  >> Because
• 30:11
  I'm fully known and deeply loved and he
• 30:13
  created me with an identity and a
• 30:15
  purpose and a calling and a gifting that
• 30:18
  is unique and specific to me in the ways
• 30:20
  that he wants to utilize me.
• 30:21
  >> Yeah.
• 30:22
  >> And sometimes that's going to come out
• 30:24
  in a tone that you don't like, not
• 30:27
  because it's not holy or not true, but
• 30:29
  because it's actually convicting some
• 30:31
  part of yourself that you're refusing to
• 30:33
  look at.
• 30:33
  >> Right.
• 30:34
  >> Because you don't have that heart
• 30:35
  posture of like, God just
• 30:38
  here I am.
• 30:39
  >> Yeah.
• 30:39
  >> Search my heart. Do with me what you
• 30:41
  will.
• 30:42
  >> And what you're even sharing is just the
• 30:43
  word of God. You're sharing the word of
• 30:46
  itself.
• 30:46
  >> Yeah.
• 30:47
  >> And I think to your point of
• 30:51
  abiding with God so much where you're
• 30:53
  not even
• 30:55
  like people make so many platforms of
• 30:57
  trying to look at the speck of other
• 30:58
  people's eyes and they're tearing down.
• 31:00
  I was like, I don't have the time.
• 31:01
  >> I
• 31:02
  >> Cuz I'm being crushed and I'm just
• 31:04
  trying to work on delivering this word.
• 31:06
  Like I like Angela, I know you and Mike
• 31:08
  are putting so much time in what you're
• 31:10
  talking about behind the scenes. You're
• 31:12
  going through the scriptures. You're
• 31:13
  studying. You're researching. You're
• 31:15
  pulling all of this together. That takes
• 31:18
  so much time and effort and it takes so
• 31:20
  much development in the secret place to
• 31:23
  just be in a posture of like refinement
• 31:25
  to deliver. And
• 31:29
  for the the issues is to be like tone
• 31:33
  and personality is the it you guys
• 31:35
  you're missing
• 31:36
  >> Yeah.
• 31:37
  >> the word and the heart of what God is
• 31:38
  saying. You're missing
• 31:40
  >> You get that too, but in a different way
• 31:41
  because you know, for me it's like, oh,
• 31:43
  you're still you're you're still like
• 31:45
  this kind of angry. Like you want to be
• 31:47
  like a a strong woman kind of thing cuz
• 31:50
  that's how it is in New Age. And then
• 31:51
  for you, people are like, oh, you still
• 31:53
  dance.
• 31:53
  >> Yeah.
• 31:54
  >> So, you're still you're still pretty
• 31:56
  gay. Like I cuz I do see I see that a
• 31:59
  lot in your comments section. Like
• 32:00
  people are like, you shouldn't you
• 32:02
  should It's always the shouldn'ts. You
• 32:03
  shouldn't do this. You shouldn't do
• 32:04
  that.
• 32:05
  >> Yeah.
• 32:05
  >> Um
• 32:06
  Can Can you talk about that a little?
• 32:08
  Cuz I
• 32:09
  >> Yeah.
• 32:10
  >> Uh it's like one of the things like Mike
• 32:11
  and I love about you is just like
• 32:13
  your prophetic dance.
• 32:15
  >> Oh, praise the guy.
• 32:16
  >> And it's it's unique and and it's
• 32:21
  Uh I don't see how it's unholy in any
• 32:23
  aspect of the word.
• 32:25
  >> Yeah.
• 32:25
  >> But you get a lot of flak for that and
• 32:28
  and people kind of attribute it to your
• 32:29
  old lifestyle.
• 32:30
  >> Yeah.
• 32:32
  You know, dancing the arts belong to the
• 32:34
  Lord. He created it. He's the creator.
• 32:36
  Um and with that even just connecting
• 32:39
  with personalities, he's given everyone
• 32:41
  a unique voice and a unique personality
• 32:44
  to deliver his word in a way that will
• 32:46
  meet the people in wherever they are.
• 32:48
  You'll see that with the prophets. Each
• 32:50
  prophet and how they ministered, their
• 32:53
  delivery
• 32:54
  and their tone was different. It wasn't
• 32:56
  the same packaging.
• 32:58
  >> Yeah.
• 32:58
  >> And also they were in a different time.
• 33:00
  Some of them were preaching in exile.
• 33:02
  Some of them were not. Some were
• 33:03
  preaching in civil wars. And so we just
• 33:07
  have to get away from this like weird
• 33:09
  Pharisaical legalistic packaging of what
• 33:12
  how or how the Lord wants to use people.
• 33:15
  Because I think the reason why they get
• 33:17
  frustrated with seeing broken people
• 33:19
  being used or people just not fitting
• 33:22
  the specific, you know, packaging
• 33:25
  is that they feel like the Lord won't
• 33:28
  use that.
• 33:29
  >> Mhm.
• 33:29
  >> If God has used Moses with a stutter.
• 33:33
  If he uses um, Jeremiah who was a
• 33:37
  prophet who was very young. He was like,
• 33:38
  "I'm too young to be a prophet." God
• 33:39
  said, "No.
• 33:41
  Like don't tell me what I can't can't
• 33:43
  and not do. Like I've called you a
• 33:44
  prophet, you're young. If God is using,
• 33:47
  um,
• 33:48
  Gideon who was not nowhere near a
• 33:51
  warrior, but God called him to lead his
• 33:53
  people into victory. Like what like what
• 33:55
  would that look like if God is using
• 33:57
  people with maybe men who have higher
• 33:59
  pitched voices, men who are dancing,
• 34:02
  women who don't dress typically
• 34:05
  you know, as feminine as we have seen
• 34:07
  before. And it's like are we missing the
• 34:09
  heart of God based on these packages
• 34:12
  that is very legalistic versus God is
• 34:15
  always looking at the heart. Now, I'm
• 34:17
  not saying that sanctification is still
• 34:19
  taking place.
• 34:20
  >> Right.
• 34:20
  >> But like my my heart cry to the Lord,
• 34:23
  cuz that was what really held me back
• 34:25
  from coming to Jesus and surrendering
• 34:27
  fully. I was like, "I'm not straight
• 34:28
  enough."
• 34:29
  >> Wow.
• 34:31
  >> And God was like
• 34:32
  I feel like the Lord was like
• 34:35
  You're not getting it. He was like it's
• 34:37
  not about that. So that his word in my
• 34:40
  his word to me after my prayer he was
• 34:41
  like Richard, forget about being
• 34:43
  straight.
• 34:44
  Forget about like
• 34:45
  just come to me.
• 34:47
  And so that's always what I continue to
• 34:49
  do. I'm not thinking about being
• 34:50
  straight. I'm not thinking about like I
• 34:53
  need to deepen my voice. I I one point I
• 34:56
  was a little legalistic about what I was
• 34:58
  doing, but as I continue seeking Jesus,
• 35:01
  as we continue reading his word, as
• 35:03
  we're studying to show ourselves
• 35:04
  approved, we're going to be conformed to
• 35:06
  his image. Like you can't get away from
• 35:09
  looking like Jesus if you continue
• 35:10
  spending time with him.
• 35:13
  And so whether my mannerisms or things
• 35:16
  or whatever changes great. If that
• 35:19
  changes great for the glory of God,
• 35:20
  cool. If it doesn't
• 35:23
  then I'm still honoring the Lord because
• 35:25
  I'm not holy and righteous in my own
• 35:27
  strength. It's through Jesus and me that
• 35:29
  makes me holy and righteous.
• 35:31
  >> Yeah.
• 35:32
  >> Yeah. Wherever you are in that spectrum,
• 35:34
  wherever that
• 35:35
  wherever that tone or your personality,
• 35:38
  wherever you are, like you're seeking
• 35:40
  Jesus and you're reflecting Jesus and
• 35:43
  you're you're going to be like him.
• 35:44
  Everything that's not like him is going
• 35:46
  to fall off.
• 35:47
  Our goal is just to keep moving forward.
• 35:50
  So that's what I do.
• 35:51
  >> Yeah.
• 35:51
  Yeah, and I think it is important to say
• 35:54
  kind of like as a caveat to that also
• 35:56
  that neither of us are
• 35:59
  sitting here trying to encourage you to
• 36:02
  not take
• 36:04
  things before the Lord. Yeah. You know,
• 36:05
  like
• 36:07
  like I
• 36:08
  I have actually like just for the sake
• 36:10
  of my own whatever criticism
• 36:14
  I have asked people in my life that I
• 36:17
  trust that actually have the authority
• 36:18
  to speak into my life. Not like you know
• 36:22
  whoever you are with no profile picture
• 36:25
  commenting on my Instagram telling me my
• 36:27
  my tone is too harsh. I have taken those
• 36:30
  sorts of criticisms when they cultivate
• 36:32
  like in an enough to
• 36:34
  people that speak into my life like
• 36:36
  prophets and evangelists and leaders,
• 36:38
  elders, and said, "Hey, am I am I too
• 36:42
  XYZ?"
• 36:43
  >> Yeah.
• 36:44
  >> And they've said no. They're like, you
• 36:46
  know, like you see it's like you said
• 36:48
  and and like like the prophets are
• 36:50
  always harsh.
• 36:52
  They never they they weren't received
• 36:54
  well. Even Jesus said they they killed
• 36:56
  the prophets before before you.
• 36:59
  >> And Jesus wasn't even received in his
• 37:00
  own hometown.
• 37:01
  >> Right.
• 37:02
  So it that's not to say that we
• 37:04
  shouldn't like seek counsel or
• 37:06
  discipleship or like have a willingness
• 37:09
  to change things about ourselves
• 37:10
  >> Yeah.
• 37:11
  >> that need to be sanctified, but it but
• 37:13
  it is to say that
• 37:16
  we need to be a little more cognizant, I
• 37:18
  think, of of how we just
• 37:21
  rattle off all our expectations of other
• 37:23
  people
• 37:24
  >> Yeah.
• 37:24
  >> when we don't have a relationship with
• 37:26
  them. Like you don't have
• 37:28
  watching us on a screen, you don't have
• 37:30
  a relationship with us. You don't know
• 37:31
  us.
• 37:32
  >> Yeah.
• 37:32
  >> You just see the thing.
• 37:35
  And then again, like you filter it
• 37:36
  through your own stuff.
• 37:38
  >> Yeah.
• 37:38
  >> Through things you haven't dealt with,
• 37:40
  through things that you haven't
• 37:41
  consecrated, through things that you
• 37:42
  haven't conformed to his image in your
• 37:45
  own heart.
• 37:46
  >> Yeah.
• 37:47
  >> And now that becomes the perspective
• 37:49
  that you see other people.
• 37:52
  And I just think that
• 37:53
  >> people through the lens of their
• 37:54
  brokenness.
• 37:55
  >> That's really
• 37:56
  >> Yeah. They're projecting.
• 37:58
  Oh, how could how could God use
• 38:00
  him?
• 38:02
  I mean, God used a murderer. He used
• 38:03
  prostitutes. He used liars. He used
• 38:05
  murderers. Why could he not use me? Why
• 38:07
  could he not use you? Why could he not
• 38:09
  use you?
• 38:12
  Yeah. I think if people realize how good
• 38:15
  and kind and compassionate and loving
• 38:17
  God is, I think they would watch their
• 38:20
  how they would treat his bride.
• 38:23
  Because the very people that were
• 38:25
  speaking against is actually you. You
• 38:27
  are part of the bride.
• 38:29
  >> Do you think that kind of like back to
• 38:31
  what I was saying
• 38:33
  I think maybe God's like displeased at
• 38:37
  what social media
• 38:39
  Christendom has bred
• 38:41
  amongst his bride. Do you think that
• 38:45
  the most like criticism you get comes
• 38:47
  from within the church or is it still
• 38:50
  from like cuz I know I know like the
• 38:52
  ex-gay community feels like betrayed by
• 38:54
  you at the same time, so
• 38:55
  >> Yeah.
• 38:56
  Yeah, it's it's it's both communities,
• 38:58
  but as I as I dive deeper into the Lord
• 39:02
  and deeper into the word,
• 39:05
  um I'm starting to face a lot of the
• 39:07
  pharisaical legalism
• 39:09
  pharisaical intellectualism
• 39:13
  oh, stay in your lane.
• 39:15
  You're doing too much. You're coming off
• 39:17
  this way, that way.
• 39:19
  And
• 39:22
  Yeah, I'm facing I'm facing a lot of
• 39:25
  that. Um but the Lord uses
• 39:28
  unconventional people
• 39:30
  to speak his word.
• 39:32
  And so I just see it as
• 39:36
  this is an indication that I'm on the
• 39:38
  right path.
• 39:39
  >> Yeah, I hear you.
• 39:40
  >> Yeah.
• 39:41
  Jesus had the Pharisees follow him.
• 39:44
  And so if we're supposed to look like
• 39:45
  Jesus and pursue him, we're going to get
• 39:47
  Pharisees in the comments. We're going
• 39:50
  to get intellectualism and legalism into
• 39:52
  the comment. And it's really sad cuz I
• 39:54
  feel like social media especially as
• 39:55
  Christians
• 39:57
  all I see is discord and conflict.
• 40:00
  And it grieves me.
• 40:02
  It grieves me.
• 40:03
  >> It's like we missed the point of what
• 40:04
  we're actually doing.
• 40:06
  >> We're supposed to edify each other and
• 40:08
  go save souls.
• 40:09
  >> Yeah, we're supposed to see people
• 40:11
  like know him.
• 40:12
  >> Yeah.
• 40:13
  >> And that's going to start through us.
• 40:14
  >> Right.
• 40:17
  Yeah.
• 40:17
  >> Yeah, that's been breaking my heart
• 40:18
  lately if you can't tell.
• 40:19
  >> Yeah. I just talked about it with Pastor
• 40:21
  Mike and now I'm talking about it again.
• 40:23
  >> Yeah.
• 40:23
  >> Um
• 40:25
  but I think it does come back to what we
• 40:26
  were talking about earlier like with the
• 40:27
  compassion thing it's because
• 40:30
  it's because I think about the people in
• 40:32
  my life that aren't saved and then like
• 40:35
  they browse my comment section
• 40:37
  >> see, yeah.
• 40:38
  >> and they see the people that I call
• 40:40
  brothers and sisters
• 40:42
  >> Mhm.
• 40:43
  >> not acting like brothers and sisters
• 40:45
  acting like accusers which we know Satan
• 40:47
  is the accuser of the brethren
• 40:49
  specifically that verbage.
• 40:51
  >> So the
• 40:53
  the slander comes from
• 40:56
  like the call's coming from inside the
• 40:57
  house, you know?
• 40:58
  >> Yeah.
• 40:59
  >> And it breaks my heart because I just
• 41:02
  want us to be a good witness. Like I
• 41:03
  want people
• 41:05
  in the ex-LGBTIQ community to look at
• 41:08
  your comments
• 41:09
  >> Yeah.
• 41:09
  >> and see you dancing and see
• 41:13
  other Christians encouraging it not
• 41:16
  tearing you down for it.
• 41:17
  >> Yeah.
• 41:18
  >> You know?
• 41:18
  >> Yeah.
• 41:23
  >> So that's where I'm at.
• 41:24
  >> Yeah.
• 41:25
  It's it's very hard.
• 41:28
  However, I feel like
• 41:30
  to respond to what you were saying
• 41:37
  we keep posting anyway
• 41:39
  and that shows
• 41:42
  the grace and the goodness of God.
• 41:47
  Cuz a lot of the times we're not
• 41:48
  responding to them and they just kind of
• 41:50
  sit there and it is like crazy and icky
• 41:53
  but as we keep going and as we keep
• 41:55
  posting and then as the Lord keeps
• 41:57
  anointing it and there's favor on it
• 42:02
  and as we see other people
• 42:05
  they may overlook all of those comments
• 42:07
  and they still get saved. Praise God.
• 42:10
  Yeah.
• 42:10
  It's worth it.
• 42:12
  >> Amen.
• 42:12
  >> It's worth it.
• 42:15
  And I think maybe a thought that some
• 42:16
  people could have if they're not saved
• 42:18
  is like, "Oh, wow, like Angela's still
• 42:19
  going although she's getting a lot of
• 42:21
  flat."
• 42:23
  This God must truly be real.
• 42:26
  >> Right.
• 42:26
  >> Why would anyone take so much of their
• 42:29
  time to keep going? Why would anyone die
• 42:31
  for something that's not true?
• 42:32
  >> Yeah, it's funny. It's like, you know,
• 42:35
  I'm like, the comments are mean. Like,
• 42:36
  Peter was like hung upside down on a
• 42:38
  cross.
• 42:38
  >> Right.
• 42:39
  >> It's like
• 42:40
  >> [laughter]
• 42:40
  >> That as well. Yeah.
• 42:42
  >> Sirens.
• 42:43
  >> Yeah.
• 42:45
  Welcome to New York.
• 42:47
  >> I see. And then we got some LaBooBoo
• 42:48
  dolls hanging off the off the backpack
• 42:51
  over there.
• 42:53
  Save them, Lord.
• 42:54
  >> And she said, "I'm so stressed." I don't
• 42:55
  know what about.
• 42:57
  >> What, when she walked by?
• 42:58
  >> Yeah.
• 42:59
  >> Oh.
• 42:59
  It's the LaBooBoos.
• 43:03
  The LaBooBoos are probably keeping you
• 43:04
  up at night. You know, when I was a New
• 43:06
  Ager, I used to I don't know if you've
• 43:08
  ever heard, like
• 43:10
  you probably have it because I don't
• 43:11
  think many people just like look this up
• 43:13
  on YouTube, but if you've ever heard the
• 43:15
  sound
• 43:16
  >> Uh-huh.
• 43:16
  >> that Earth makes
• 43:19
  in the universe, like the
• 43:22
  the frequency it gives off, it sounds
• 43:23
  like a siren.
• 43:24
  >> Oh.
• 43:25
  >> So, when I was a New Ager, I used to uh
• 43:27
  believe that that was because Earth was
• 43:30
  letting out kind of like
• 43:32
  >> a cry
• 43:32
  >> a cry for help
• 43:33
  >> Uh.
• 43:33
  >> from
• 43:34
  like the higher dimensional beings
• 43:36
  >> Okay.
• 43:37
  >> because it needed to be saved.
• 43:39
  >> Mhm.
• 43:40
  >> So.
• 43:43
  >> Well, now we know.
• 43:45
  The Earth is going to pass away. We're
• 43:47
  going to get a new one.
• 43:47
  >> Yeah, exactly.
• 43:49
  >> [laughter]
• 43:50
  >> Exactly. Hallelujah.
• 43:52
  >> Earth.
• 43:53
  >> Amen.
• 43:54
  >> Uh.
• 43:55
  And then Jesus is going to be reigning
• 43:56
  on Earth for a thousand years. Side
• 43:58
  note, that I'm I'm tripping about that.
• 44:00
  >> Did you know that people think it
• 44:01
  happened already?
• 44:04
  >> When and where?
• 44:05
  >> Have you ever heard of
• 44:06
  >> me that. now that's going to lead me
• 44:08
  into a loophole of study.
• 44:12
  >> I don't I don't believe it. I don't
• 44:14
  think it it matches the uh
• 44:17
  timeline of scripture.
• 44:19
  >> Yeah.
• 44:19
  >> Nor
• 44:21
  is God the God of confusion?
• 44:23
  >> Right.
• 44:23
  >> And there would be evidence that Jesus
• 44:24
  had ruled and reigned and there simply
• 44:26
  is not.
• 44:26
  >> Yeah.
• 44:27
  >> But there are people that believe that
• 44:28
  he came back already and that we are in
• 44:30
  Revelation 20 little season of Satan.
• 44:32
  Have you heard that?
• 44:33
  >> I don't know about that.
• 44:35
  Cuz I'm studying Daniel.
• 44:37
  And it's definitely giving we're
• 44:40
  entering into the last beast of
• 44:41
  Antichrist.
• 44:44
  >> I would agree. Yep.
• 44:45
  >> That's what it's giving.
• 44:47
  >> That is what it's giving.
• 44:48
  >> It's
• 44:49
  And then Jesus comes. I was like if the
• 44:50
  end if the Antichrist has not really
• 44:53
  I mean, there's pockets that's been
• 44:56
  manifesting. Anyway, that was exciting.
• 44:58
  >> of the the spirit of the ages that
• 45:00
  spirit of the Antichrist is here
• 45:02
  already. We we know that.
• 45:03
  >> Yeah.
• 45:04
  >> We know that. Anyway.
• 45:06
  >> I don't know if I'm going to be even be
• 45:07
  a lot I mean, would you want to be alive
• 45:09
  Well, no, cuz there's the there's all
• 45:11
  the
• 45:13
  the tribulation and craziness.
• 45:14
  >> that anyway.
• 45:16
  I don't know if I'm pre, post, mid, I
• 45:19
  don't know.
• 45:20
  >> I'm like, am I going to be here when all
• 45:22
  that happens? I feel like I will I will
• 45:23
  be gone.
• 45:24
  >> I feel like you should
• 45:26
  hope that we won't be here for it, but
• 45:29
  prepare to be.
• 45:30
  >> That. Really great man.
• 45:31
  >> like my theology on it.
• 45:33
  >> Yes.
• 45:33
  >> I haven't spent too much time studying
• 45:35
  it honestly. The comments are going to
• 45:36
  flood. I know all about this. I know all
• 45:38
  about this. Angela study this this this
• 45:40
  this this this this.
• 45:41
  >> We're showing our human-ness and showing
• 45:43
  how we're studying the word of the Lord.
• 45:45
  And it takes time, okay?
• 45:47
  >> not a strong suit for me.
• 45:48
  >> I um I I'm I'm so excited to get into
• 45:51
  it. There's just been this rush. I'm
• 45:52
  like, okay, well, what's happening?
• 45:54
  >> You know, honestly though, sometimes we
• 45:56
  get too obsessed with that stuff.
• 45:59
  Um that it can become like a dis- And
• 46:02
  I'm not saying it doesn't matter because
• 46:03
  I think everything matters to if he laid
• 46:05
  it out for us in his word, it's because
• 46:07
  he wants us to understand it. So, it's
• 46:09
  not that it doesn't matter. It's not
• 46:10
  that biblical timelines don't matter.
• 46:14
  It's you know, it's not not that any of
• 46:16
  that is is irrelevant, but
• 46:19
  sometimes we get so focused on
• 46:22
  rapture, tribulation, end times,
• 46:24
  prophecy that it's like
• 46:26
  we miss like
• 46:29
  the fruit.
• 46:31
  Like the fruit that he wants to develop
• 46:33
  and and cultivate and and back to
• 46:35
  everything we just talked about for 30
• 46:36
  minutes. Like the the the the taking you
• 46:39
  through the valley, the crushing to
• 46:40
  produce the oil kind of thing.
• 46:42
  >> It's like you know about the end times,
• 46:43
  but you still have unforgiveness in your
• 46:44
  heart.
• 46:44
  >> Right.
• 46:47
  Exactly.
• 46:48
  >> So,
• 46:50
  we we can't do that, you know, we have
• 46:52
  to go through the process of
• 46:55
  yes, we want to understand, [music]
• 46:56
  but also like
• 46:58
  let us conform to like to be like Christ
• 47:00
  and lay our heart on the altar,
• 47:02
  you know?
• 47:03
  >> Yeah.
• 47:03
  >> Are we good on time? Also, side note, I
• 47:05
  also feel like people will get so caught
• 47:07
  up in that where they're like, well,
• 47:09
  the world is going to hell in a
• 47:10
  handbasket, so why do anything? And I'm
• 47:11
  like, no, we should be going out and
• 47:13
  still saving people.
• 47:14
  >> Absolutely.
• 47:15
  >> be sharing the gospel.
• 47:16
  >> Yeah.
• 47:18
  >> So, there's that whole other end of the
• 47:19
  spectrum, too.
• 47:20
  >> Demonstrating it on earth as it is in
• 47:21
  heaven.
• 47:22
  >> Right.
• 47:22
  >> Through who we are, through who he
• 47:24
  created us to be.
• 47:25
  >> Right.
• 47:28
  If Peter if Apostle Peter was doing that
• 47:29
  and he's getting hung upside down and
• 47:32
  Apostle Paul is getting murdered for the
• 47:33
  Lord, like
• 47:35
  we should be walking in their footsteps,
• 47:37
  not thinking that we can sit on the
• 47:39
  sidelines
• 47:40
  with a oatmeal cream pie and a tea
• 47:44
  and like, oh, I'm Christian, I'm good.
• 47:46
  >> Wait for the bell to ring, that's what I
• 47:47
  always say.
• 47:48
  Sit on your hands, wait for the bell to
• 47:49
  ring to go to heaven. That's not the
• 47:51
  commission.
• 47:51
  >> No.
• 47:54
  >> Yeah.
• 47:55
  >> Are we good on time?
• 47:55
  >> Are we I think so. Are we? What's What's
• 47:58
  the camera at?
• 48:01
  >> We got
• 48:03
  49 minutes total.
• 48:04
  >> Okay.
• 48:05
  >> But is it good with time?
• 48:06
  >> Yeah, we're good.
• 48:07
  >> Same.
• 48:08
  >> Just when you're ready to start
• 48:10
  wrapping.
• 48:11
  >> Let me I wanted to talk to you a little
• 48:12
  bit about just um
• 48:15
  because at first I was like I didn't
• 48:17
  want to talk to you at all about like
• 48:19
  LGBTQ stuff because
• 48:22
  I don't know about you, but sometimes I
• 48:24
  get
• 48:25
  a little I don't know.
• 48:28
  I'm not just the ex-witch
• 48:30
  kind of thing.
• 48:31
  >> Glad you said it. I've been I've been
• 48:33
  saying it, too.
• 48:34
  >> Like I'm not just the ex-witch. I I'm
• 48:37
  not That's not
• 48:38
  That's my testimony. Like that's not my
• 48:41
  identity.
• 48:42
  >> Right. And that could be that could be a
• 48:44
  slippery slope. Oh, I'm the ex-thing
• 48:47
  guy, when no, you're just a son and
• 48:48
  daughter. Yeah.
• 48:50
  >> Yeah. And so I I kind of said that to
• 48:52
  God. I said I don't I don't want to talk
• 48:55
  to him about that. Um but then I I felt
• 48:59
  like a little bit of a rebuke against it
• 49:00
  because
• 49:02
  you know,
• 49:03
  obviously it's not our identity, but he
• 49:05
  said but he was telling me, you know,
• 49:07
  like the testimony is how you overcome
• 49:09
  >> Right.
• 49:10
  >> the devil. So every time you share or
• 49:13
  every time I share
• 49:14
  >> Yeah.
• 49:15
  >> even if we don't want to
• 49:17
  >> Yeah.
• 49:18
  >> It's like it's it it it's it The devil's
• 49:20
  already been overcome in our lives, but
• 49:22
  it but it helps overcome the devil in
• 49:23
  someone else's life.
• 49:25
  >> Yeah.
• 49:25
  >> To just to just hear it. So
• 49:28
  I just wanted to I don't know. Now that
• 49:30
  you've been out of that world for so
• 49:32
  long
• 49:33
  >> Yeah.
• 49:35
  >> Just what has it What has it been like
• 49:37
  for you
• 49:39
  as you
• 49:41
  kind of
• 49:43
  dance in that tension of this is my
• 49:45
  testimony
• 49:46
  >> Yeah.
• 49:46
  >> versus this is my identity.
• 49:48
  >> Right.
• 49:49
  >> And this is how I'm going to
• 49:51
  share both of those things.
• 49:53
  >> Yeah.
• 49:55
  I feel like I think about Apostle Paul.
• 49:57
  I know I talked about it earlier when we
• 49:59
  did the podcast about him holding
• 50:01
  attention being I'm the chief among all
• 50:04
  sinners,
• 50:05
  but also I'm the father in the faith
• 50:07
  leading you.
• 50:09
  And so like allowing us to remember our
• 50:11
  salvation while also continuing to break
• 50:14
  ground and moving forward.
• 50:16
  And for those
• 50:18
  those who can understand and see,
• 50:20
  they'll get it. Um
• 50:23
  I did feel like I I want to I feel like
• 50:26
  a part of the rebuke for me from the
• 50:28
  Lord about like opening doors that he's
• 50:30
  not opening was me trying to maybe also
• 50:32
  prove myself that I'm not also just the
• 50:35
  ex- LGBTQ guy.
• 50:38
  Um
• 50:39
  but the Lord was like been telling me
• 50:41
  and showing me
• 50:44
  the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of
• 50:46
  prophecy. So it's important to testify
• 50:47
  to say that the Lord would do it again.
• 50:50
  And then
• 50:51
  his the other things that he has gifted
• 50:53
  me with with learning, with
• 50:55
  understanding, with knowledge as we dive
• 50:57
  deeper to the to the word of God. Like I
• 50:59
  feel like as you
• 51:02
  as you and I
• 51:03
  like
• 51:04
  like the Lord allows some people to be
• 51:06
  able to see scripture and be able to
• 51:08
  communicate differently than other
• 51:10
  people. You start to like oh like okay
• 51:12
  like I'm able to do that do this. This
• 51:15
  is an ability the Lord has given me. I
• 51:17
  really want to tap into that, but like
• 51:19
  not forcing it myself, but allowing the
• 51:21
  Lord and the gift to make room for for
• 51:23
  room for me and room for the doors he
• 51:26
  wants me to be in. So I say all that to
• 51:28
  say releasing the tension of
• 51:31
  like I want to be more than just my
• 51:33
  testimony.
• 51:34
  >> Yeah.
• 51:35
  >> And trying to force doors that he's not
• 51:37
  telling me to.
• 51:38
  >> Mhm.
• 51:39
  >> Surrendering and being humble to always
• 51:41
  remember that like the testimony is
• 51:43
  pointing to Jesus and it's important to
• 51:44
  talk about Jesus.
• 51:46
  And that will forever be my mandate is
• 51:48
  to talk about Jesus.
• 51:50
  >> Yeah.
• 51:50
  >> While also knowing
• 51:52
  that
• 51:54
  he is taking me from glory to glory.
• 51:56
  Like I said, the Richard this What month
• 51:59
  are we in? April?
• 52:00
  Rich that Richard in April is different
• 52:03
  from Richard in January and it's very
• 52:05
  different from Richard in 2023.
• 52:07
  >> I feel that.
• 52:08
  >> And being confident and assured in that
• 52:10
  and I feel like that comes through your
• 52:13
  encounter with the Lord in a secret
• 52:14
  place and just knowing that I don't have
• 52:16
  anything to prove or to say or to do.
• 52:20
  But I am walking in a room confidently
• 52:23
  and I am walking in a room knowing that
• 52:25
  I'm more than
• 52:27
  the testimony and I am walking in the
• 52:30
  room
• 52:32
  just different. I look different. I
• 52:35
  dress different. I dress better. Praise
• 52:37
  the Lord.
• 52:39
  And
• 52:40
  I'm confident in in that and confidence
• 52:42
  doesn't have to scream.
• 52:44
  >> Wow.
• 52:45
  I think for me too like
• 52:48
  it's funny. I wonder how many other
• 52:49
  people go through that. Like have these
• 52:51
  radical testimonies and they're like, "I
• 52:52
  don't want to be known for it."
• 52:54
  >> [laughter]
• 52:55
  >> But also there's uh well we were talking
• 52:57
  there's this ongoing theme of the day
• 52:59
  with the conversations we're having of
• 53:02
  compassion
• 53:03
  >> Mhm.
• 53:04
  >> for where we were.
• 53:05
  >> Mhm.
• 53:06
  >> And when I come back to my testimony
• 53:09
  like to share it in any capacity it does
• 53:13
  bring you back to your first love
• 53:15
  because you're like, "Wow, look what he
• 53:16
  did."
• 53:17
  >> Right.
• 53:18
  >> It's
• 53:21
  and it's nothing to
• 53:24
  it's nothing to spite.
• 53:25
  >> Right.
• 53:26
  >> what I mean? Like I don't I don't have
• 53:27
  to spite where I came from
• 53:30
  >> Right.
• 53:30
  >> because if if that wasn't my testimony I
• 53:33
  wouldn't be the Angela that
• 53:37
  that he's curated to use as his vessel
• 53:41
  with the specific assignment to
• 53:43
  evangelize to that specific community.
• 53:46
  And it's not to say that the assignment
• 53:48
  doesn't like shift and change like with
• 53:49
  times and seasons.
• 53:52
  But there is something just so
• 53:56
  unique about
• 53:58
  >> Remembering.
• 53:59
  >> About where you exactly about where you
• 54:01
  like being able to like you know, Paul
• 54:04
  was uniquely qualified
• 54:07
  because of where he came from.
• 54:08
  >> Yeah.
• 54:09
  >> All throughout the book of Romans, the
• 54:11
  reason he could speak right to their
• 54:14
  heart about the law
• 54:15
  >> Cuz he knew?
• 54:16
  >> is because he knew it and that's what he
• 54:18
  was redeemed from.
• 54:19
  >> Yeah.
• 54:20
  >> And he was never ashamed of it, but it
• 54:21
  also wasn't his identity and he does a
• 54:23
  great job of
• 54:24
  >> Yeah.
• 54:25
  >> of making that distinction
• 54:27
  of this is who I was
• 54:29
  and this is who he
• 54:32
  has
• 54:33
  transformed me to be by the power of his
• 54:35
  spirit.
• 54:35
  >> Yeah.
• 54:36
  And I feel sharing the gospel of Jesus
• 54:38
  Christ has no limits.
• 54:41
  Because everyone needs Jesus.
• 54:43
  And as you continue to minister Jesus
• 54:47
  everyone is their hearts are compelled.
• 54:50
  And we're praying that they will come
• 54:51
  into repentance.
• 54:53
  Yeah.
• 54:53
  >> Yeah.
• 54:55
  How have you like
• 54:58
  How what is different in the way you see
• 55:00
  yourself now?
• 55:02
  versus the 2023 version version of
• 55:05
  Richard.
• 55:06
  >> I think there was a level of like I said
• 55:08
  performance and striving where I was
• 55:09
  like Cuz I when I get locked in, I'm
• 55:12
  locked in.
• 55:14
  Like I'm a dancer. That's what I've
• 55:15
  been, but also my upbringing slash
• 55:16
  trauma with family.
• 55:18
  >> [laughter]
• 55:19
  >> has been like very performative.
• 55:22
  Um, and so like I have learned so much
• 55:25
  about identity. I'm a son. That is all
• 55:29
  of who I am.
• 55:30
  I'm not the ex LGBT
• 55:32
  BTQ guy.
• 55:34
  I'm not
• 55:36
  a preacher.
• 55:37
  I'm not a content creator, I'm not a
• 55:41
  social media guy.
• 55:42
  Um, I do those things
• 55:45
  well, and there's tasks that God's give
• 55:47
  me in in those things, but I am a son.
• 55:51
  >> Mhm.
• 55:52
  >> And I rest in sonship. He's teaching me
• 55:54
  about sonship and rest.
• 55:57
  I may do a whole bunch of other things
• 55:59
  really well, and I'm working to operate
• 56:02
  in other things or other capacities of
• 56:05
  the projects, but I am a son.
• 56:08
  Cuz cuz you can make an idol out of
• 56:10
  ministry.
• 56:11
  >> Oh, yeah.
• 56:12
  >> And I felt like I was like
• 56:15
  Well, I like I've left the life, so I
• 56:17
  got to figure out this thing with this
• 56:18
  ministry thing.
• 56:19
  >> Right.
• 56:20
  >> And then also I got to make some income.
• 56:22
  >> Right.
• 56:22
  >> And it's like, um,
• 56:24
  no, you're you're a son.
• 56:25
  There's nothing you have to do.
• 56:28
  I'm providing for you. That's handled.
• 56:31
  This ministry thing will not be your
• 56:33
  idol.
• 56:34
  It is something that I'm asking you to
• 56:36
  do. I'm entrusting you to to do so to
• 56:39
  help someone else.
• 56:41
  >> Yeah.
• 56:41
  >> That's it.
• 56:44
  >> And then just for the sake of being
• 56:45
  honest, like let's wrap up.
• 56:46
  >> Yeah.
• 56:47
  >> Um, for the sake of being honest,
• 56:50
  what is something
• 56:52
  like that you're struggling with right
• 56:53
  now?
• 56:55
  In your walk.
• 56:59
  >> Mhm.
• 57:01
  >> If you if you want to share.
• 57:03
  >> [laughter]
• 57:07
  >> Mhm.
• 57:10
  I am struggling and working through and
• 57:13
  learning
• 57:16
  trusting the Lord
• 57:19
  about not having the full picture of the
• 57:21
  plan.
• 57:24
  The Lord does something with me, maybe
• 57:26
  all of us as well.
• 57:28
  He'll show you the end, and he'll show
• 57:30
  you like the next step.
• 57:32
  But like all of these in-betweens
• 57:37
  I'm like
• 57:38
  >> Hello.
• 57:39
  >> What's happening? And I say that because
• 57:41
  I feel like the Lord is calling me to go
• 57:43
  into
• 57:47
  like more Babylonian infrastructure.
• 57:50
  >> Mhm.
• 57:50
  >> Going back into arts and entertainment.
• 57:54
  And I feel like if there's such like a
• 57:57
  temptation there, don't even send me.
• 57:59
  I don't even want to go if you're not
• 58:02
  there. And he's like, "No, I'm going
• 58:04
  with you and I'm empowering you
• 58:07
  to say no to every temptation and to
• 58:09
  speak the word that I'm giving you."
• 58:13
  And that is a struggle because I think
• 58:17
  I would rather not go and be alone and
• 58:19
  be by myself. Not Not be alone, but just
• 58:22
  like
• 58:23
  be out here
• 58:25
  not in the thick of the the fight.
• 58:29
  But we were We were talking about
• 58:30
  prophets earlier and as I'm reading
• 58:31
  Daniel
• 58:33
  Daniel was not on the sidelines.
• 58:35
  >> Mhm.
• 58:36
  >> He was in the king's palace.
• 58:38
  >> Mhm.
• 58:40
  >> [laughter]
• 58:41
  >> So for those who are called to those
• 58:43
  spheres, cuz not everyone is called to
• 58:44
  those spheres. I want to make that
• 58:45
  clear.
• 58:47
  If God is calling you to go, he's
• 58:50
  gracing you to go. And he's empowering
• 58:52
  you
• 58:54
  to shine the light of Christ and to make
• 58:56
  him known in that space. And you will
• 58:59
  not bow your knee down.
• 59:00
  >> Wow.
• 59:01
  >> Um and so when I say trusting him, I'm
• 59:04
  like
• 59:05
  >> [crying]
• 59:08
  >> trusting him to
• 59:10
  >> That's what it feels like sometimes.
• 59:11
  [laughter]
• 59:15
  >> Curling screen. Like I um
• 59:18
  there's a level of a deeper trust that
• 59:20
  I'm going through with the Lord that is
• 59:22
  taking me into
• 59:24
  like that arts and entertainment in
• 59:26
  deeper places.
• 59:28
  >> While also still doing everything that I
• 59:31
  am doing. It's like the Lord is giving
• 59:33
  me more and I'm like I didn't I don't
• 59:34
  want the more.
• 59:38
  And I feel like
• 59:39
  >> I was fine with
• 59:41
  And I feel like when I wanted more of my
• 59:43
  own strength that you told me no, but
• 59:44
  then when I like let go you were like
• 59:46
  and now here's more and I was like
• 59:47
  didn't you tell me not?
• 59:48
  >> Yeah. Yeah.
• 59:50
  >> So I'm just trusting him that he's
• 59:52
  calling me to more.
• 59:55
  And I'm just mentally preparing myself.
• 59:57
  >> And not knowing what it looks like in
• 59:58
  the in between. I feel that. Yeah. I
• 1:00:00
  feel like
• 1:00:02
  we we started this before we even hit
• 1:00:05
  record talking about transitions. Yeah.
• 1:00:07
  And I mean like hello I'm in a
• 1:00:09
  transitional period right now and
• 1:00:11
  I'm literally carrying, but I know this
• 1:00:14
  is more
• 1:00:16
  This is more than who I'm carrying. I
• 1:00:17
  know that there's something that I'm
• 1:00:19
  carrying right now that the Lord is
• 1:00:21
  taking me through a transitional period.
• 1:00:23
  Even the dreams I've had about my son
• 1:00:26
  have all have like a bit in in in
• 1:00:27
  involving cars and anyone that I ask
• 1:00:30
  about dreams are like that's always
• 1:00:31
  transition. That's always transition.
• 1:00:33
  That's always transition. It's not about
• 1:00:34
  your son. It's about the transition
• 1:00:36
  that's coming alongside
• 1:00:39
  the birth of your son and and what this
• 1:00:41
  is, you know, bringing you into a new
• 1:00:42
  season of and I don't know what that
• 1:00:44
  looks like, but I I know that I have
• 1:00:48
  I have definitely like dug my heels in a
• 1:00:50
  little bit
• 1:00:51
  and been like no Lord I don't I don't
• 1:00:54
  And not not not about motherhood, but
• 1:00:56
  about like I the unknown.
• 1:00:58
  Like that like you're saying kind of
• 1:01:00
  like the in between. What do the next
• 1:01:01
  steps look like because I know where
• 1:01:03
  you've called me. I know where you want
• 1:01:04
  to take me, but I
• 1:01:06
  don't know what it looks like to get
• 1:01:08
  there, but he's like no just step out of
• 1:01:09
  the boat and keep your eyes on me and
• 1:01:11
  just walk on the water and everything's
• 1:01:12
  going to be fine and I got you.
• 1:01:14
  And I'm like digging my heels into the
• 1:01:15
  boat and like
• 1:01:17
  No, but
• 1:01:18
  you
• 1:01:19
  you're never going to win when you
• 1:01:21
  wrestle with the Lord.
• 1:01:22
  >> Right.
• 1:01:22
  >> So, you might as well just surrender.
• 1:01:25
  >> I also think that as you step out and
• 1:01:27
  walk in the water, you learn a a deeper
• 1:01:31
  you learn about the Lord in a deeper way
• 1:01:33
  than you did in the boat versus out in
• 1:01:35
  the water. Yeah.
• 1:01:37
  >> Yeah.
• 1:01:38
  Well, this was fun.
• 1:01:39
  >> Yeah.
• 1:01:40
  >> Do you have any last-minute thoughts or
• 1:01:42
  words of encouragement if you feel like
• 1:01:43
  there's someone watching this that I
• 1:01:45
  don't know, maybe you feel
• 1:01:47
  led to speak to.
• 1:01:48
  >> Um be honest with the Lord.
• 1:01:51
  Be honest with the Lord.
• 1:01:53
  Be vulnerable with the Lord.
• 1:01:56
  As you do that,
• 1:01:58
  your healing and breakthrough and
• 1:01:59
  deliverance that you're seeking is
• 1:02:00
  coming.
• 1:02:02
  The Lord is looking for a broken and
• 1:02:03
  contrite heart. He's not looking for
• 1:02:06
  Christianese. He's not looking for a
• 1:02:08
  perfect image. He's not looking for a
• 1:02:10
  perfect perfect package.
• 1:02:12
  He's looking for you.
• 1:02:14
  And as you surrender, he will mold you
• 1:02:17
  into becoming who he's called you to
• 1:02:19
  become. He's molding you into the
• 1:02:21
  precious precious jewel he's calling you
• 1:02:23
  to come. It's going to sting, but it's
• 1:02:25
  worth it.
• 1:02:27
  >> [crying]
• 1:02:28
  >> There's going to be pain either way.
• 1:02:30
  Either you'll have pain staying the
• 1:02:31
  same, or you're going to have pain
• 1:02:33
  changing.
• 1:02:34
  And if you want that more, if you want
• 1:02:36
  that breakthrough, if you're growing,
• 1:02:40
  my encouragement is choose the pain of
• 1:02:42
  change.
• 1:02:43
  >> Well,
• 1:02:43
  >> Choose the pain of transition. Choose
• 1:02:46
  the pain of vulnerability. Choose the
• 1:02:48
  pain of surrender.
• 1:02:51
  And you will see the Lord,
• 1:02:53
  and you will be glorified as he is
• 1:02:55
  glorified.
• 1:02:57
  >> Amen. And have
• 1:02:59
  conversations with your friends about
• 1:03:01
  this.
• 1:03:02
  We we were talking earlier that
• 1:03:04
  sometimes I feel like being a Christian,
• 1:03:06
  especially with the internet and the way
• 1:03:08
  that the climate is online, can just
• 1:03:10
  sometimes feel like you're on an island
• 1:03:11
  of like, I'm going through this alone.
• 1:03:13
  I'm the only one that feels this way.
• 1:03:15
  Everyone else has this perfect Christian
• 1:03:16
  lifestyle. Everyone else is a good
• 1:03:17
  Christian. I'm not. It's like that is a
• 1:03:20
  lie from the pit of hell.
• 1:03:21
  >> Yeah.
• 1:03:22
  >> Well, I don't have friends. Okay, pray
• 1:03:24
  for them because I promise you that
• 1:03:25
  God's will is not for you to just be a
• 1:03:28
  lone ranger Christian. Like he wants you
• 1:03:30
  in community. He wants you to be a part
• 1:03:31
  of a body. There's a reason he uses that
• 1:03:33
  language. And so
• 1:03:35
  you know, I'm grateful for our
• 1:03:35
  connection. I'm grateful for my
• 1:03:37
  community back home. I'm grateful that
• 1:03:39
  you're plugged into a good church. I'm
• 1:03:40
  I'm I'm grateful for the these
• 1:03:43
  opportunities of like fellowship and
• 1:03:45
  refinement and in prayer because we
• 1:03:48
  literally all need that to survive.
• 1:03:49
  >> Yeah.
• 1:03:50
  >> Like we're we're created for
• 1:03:52
  for for each other.
• 1:03:54
  >> Yeah, it's communion. Yeah.
• 1:03:55
  >> So
• 1:03:55
  >> Amen.
• 1:03:56
  >> Be real with your friends. And if you
• 1:03:58
  don't have them
• 1:03:59
  pray for them.
• 1:04:00
  >> Yeah.
• 1:04:00
  >> God will give them to you because he is
• 1:04:02
  a good father.
• 1:04:03
  >> Yes.
• 1:04:03
  >> And if you ask for bread, he's not going
• 1:04:05
  to give you a stone.
• 1:04:07
  >> Amen.
• 1:04:08
  >> nature of him.
• 1:04:09
  >> Amen.
• 1:04:09
  >> Well, where can people find you?
• 1:04:12
  >> Um you can find me online at
• 1:04:13
  richwithpassion.
• 1:04:15
  Um my ministry is called redemption. Um
• 1:04:18
  r e d e e m p t one.
• 1:04:22
  o n
• 1:04:23
  cuz the other one was copyrighted.
• 1:04:24
  >> Oh, okay.
• 1:04:25
  >> Um
• 1:04:25
  >> [laughter]
• 1:04:26
  >> And we'll link that below. Um
• 1:04:28
  >> We'll link that below. I do have a
• 1:04:29
  Christian Discord. So if anyone who is
• 1:04:31
  struggling in identity in any way, come
• 1:04:33
  and fellowship with us. We're reading
• 1:04:35
  the Bible. We're talking.
• 1:04:37
  And we'll have game nights and movie
• 1:04:39
  nights and we're having fun while we're
• 1:04:40
  also being disciples. So
• 1:04:42
  >> Yeah.
• 1:04:43
  >> And if you guys want to hear his full
• 1:04:44
  testimony, we do have that on my channel
• 1:04:46
  as well, which we'll also link down
• 1:04:48
  below.
• 1:04:48
  >> Yes.
• 1:04:49
  >> Thank you guys for watching. Let us know
• 1:04:51
  in the comments
• 1:04:52
  what you thought of this very unusual
• 1:04:55
  unusual but fruitful podcast. Yes. Thank
• 1:04:59
  you guys for watching.
• 1:05:00
  >> back.
• 1:05:00
  >> [laughter]
• 1:05:01
  >> Bye.