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Andy Stanley - Everyday Courage Its Complicated Part 2 · Andy Stanley Sermons

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Something that we, I think probably most of us, maybe
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: all of us have in common, and if you're from
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: a different faith tradition, or you're not really a Christian,
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: or somebody made you come to church with them, or
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: they invited you to watch today, this is kind of
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: an everybody thing.
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: It's not like a religious thing.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: But most of us, or I should put it this way,
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  Speaker 1: I think that the most difficult person for us to
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: be honest with sometimes is the person in the mirror.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: Or to put it this way, the things, and I'm
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: including myself. In fact, I'm going to give you an
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  Speaker 1: illustration in a minute. Things we need to admit.
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  Speaker 2: To ourselves about ourselves are often difficult to admit.
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  Speaker 1: Now, things that we ought to admit to ourselves aren't
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  Speaker 1: difficult for other people to admit to ourselves about ourselves, right?
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  Speaker 1: But we push back because we look in the mirror
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  Speaker 1: and you're like, I just don't see that. I mean,
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  Speaker 1: I hear what you're saying, but I just don't see it.
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  Speaker 1: So what I'm talking about are things like, I'll give
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  Speaker 1: you the extreme ones, things like jealousy. You see, you
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  Speaker 1: know some jealousy. You've met people who you're like, they're
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: just jealous. But you probably have never heard anybody say,
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  Speaker 1: I got to tell you, I think I'm jealous. I mean,
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  Speaker 1: it is difficult to admit jealousy, but it exists. But
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  Speaker 1: it's one of those things that we just don't see.
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  Speaker 2: Or greed. You've met some people, you're like, they're just greedy.
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  Speaker 1: But you probably never met anybody that says, you know,
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  Speaker 1: my issue is I think I'm greedy.
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  Speaker 2: I mean, it's hard to see jealousy or greed in
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  Speaker 2: the mirror.
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  Speaker 1: The other one that's hard to see in the mirror,
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  Speaker 1: which shouldn't be, is anger.
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  Speaker 2: And so here's what happens. And we all do this.
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  Speaker 1: Before the embarrassing truth about ourselves can ding our conscience,
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  Speaker 1: we all do this. We quickly substitute other words.
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  Speaker 2: So we divert. So it's like jealous. No, no, no.
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  Speaker 2: I'm not jealous.
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  Speaker 1: I'm just concerned that all that success he's having is
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  Speaker 1: going to go to his head and it's going to
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  Speaker 1: distract him from being a good parent and a good husband.
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  Speaker 2: And everybody else is like, no, we heard what you said.
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  Speaker 2: You're jealous. No, I'm not. I'm just concerned, you know. greedy.
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  Speaker 2: I'm not greedy. I'm careful. I'm frugal. I'm a planner.
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  Speaker 1: I'm just, I'm just looking out for, for our family.
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  Speaker 1: And you're, you're thinking, yeah, but I mean, you wouldn't look,
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  Speaker 1: you know, you gave them a hundred dollars. You could
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  Speaker 1: have given them $ 10, 000 and never, you know, you're just,
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  Speaker 1: it's like, it's hard to see greed in the mirror.
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  Speaker 1: And then anger, you know, I'm not angry. Real, real
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  Speaker 1: quick story. This is, this was mine years ago. I
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  Speaker 1: met with a counselor named Steve. And he kept telling
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  Speaker 1: me about my anger and dealing with my anger towards
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  Speaker 1: a specific group of people.
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  Speaker 2: And I'm like, Steve, I'm not angry. But it sounded
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  Speaker 2: more like this. I'm not angry. You know, it's like,
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  Speaker 2: I'm not angry, right? And I would say over and
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  Speaker 2: over again, Steve, I'm not angry. I'm just frustrated. I'm
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  Speaker 2: just frustrated. See, we give it a different word. So
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  Speaker 2: I finally one day, he called me out. He was amazing.
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  Speaker 2: I've quoted him so many times.
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  Speaker 1: He said, Andy, what is the difference between being angry
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  Speaker 1: and being frustrated? And I thought for a minute and
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  Speaker 1: I said, um, Well, it sounds better. It sounds better
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  Speaker 1: to just.
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  Speaker 2: Say I'm frustrated. He's like, yeah, but there's no difference.
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  Speaker 2: It's the same thing. So we're all really good at this.
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  Speaker 1: Now, the point of all that is that another thing
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  Speaker 1: we have a very difficult time seeing in the mirror
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  Speaker 1: and that we tend to relabel because it's hard to
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  Speaker 1: admit this to ourselves about ourselves is this. Fear.
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  Speaker 2: Fear.
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  Speaker 1: Because like jealousy and greed, we camouflage it with other terms.
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  Speaker 1: We even camouflage it with other emotions. Because it's hard
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  Speaker 1: to admit when we're afraid. But here's the thing, and
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  Speaker 1: here's what we're going to talk about. Until we admit it,
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  Speaker 1: until we correctly diagnose it, we can't move past it.
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  Speaker 2: And I want you, I want us, regardless of your
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  Speaker 2: religious persuasion, to move past. past your fear.
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  Speaker 1: So today is part two of our series, Every Day Courage.
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  Speaker 1: And to kind of go back and recap really a
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  Speaker 1: little bit of what we said last time, something we
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  Speaker 1: are all aware of, something we've seen, something we celebrate
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  Speaker 1: in movies and novels and books, and maybe something you've
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  Speaker 1: experienced is this, that oftentimes a single act of courage
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  Speaker 1: by someone or a group of people, a single act
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  Speaker 1: of courage is often the catalyst or the instigator of
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  Speaker 1: Of something.
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  Speaker 2: Extraordinary.
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  Speaker 1: That a single act of courage is often the catalyst
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  Speaker 1: for extraordinary. Again, we all can stand up and tell
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  Speaker 1: our favorite illustration of this from history. In the midst
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  Speaker 1: of disaster or change or tragedy or danger, someone decides
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  Speaker 1: not to wait for their fear to disappear. Because fear
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  Speaker 1: don't disappear. You pick it up and you carry it
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  Speaker 1: with you. And there's always been a group of people
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  Speaker 1: or an individual who decided not to wait for their
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  Speaker 1: fear to disappear and they acted.
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  Speaker 2: They did the unexpected. They did the unprecedented.
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  Speaker 1: They did the thing that other people were trying to
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  Speaker 1: muster the courage to do, but they did it and
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  Speaker 1: they went first. And it set something good in motion.
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  Speaker 1: And of course, history is just filled with examples of that, right?
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  Speaker 1: Men and women who decided that in light of what
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  Speaker 1: was at stake, in light of what was at risk,
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  Speaker 1: in light of what needed to change, what they knew
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  Speaker 1: they needed to do, they, in spite of their fear,
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  Speaker 1: they acted. And as we talked about last time, in
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  Speaker 1: spite of what they thought might transpire. They didn't let
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  Speaker 1: projecting into the future keep them from what they needed
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  Speaker 1: to do in the moment.
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  Speaker 2: And isn't this true?
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  Speaker 1: Because when you read the books, when you see the movies,
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  Speaker 1: when you hear of these accounts, or even modern day
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  Speaker 1: examples of this.
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  Speaker 2: You think to yourself what I think to myself. We think, wow,
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  Speaker 2: I hope.
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  Speaker 1: That if I ever face anything like that, if I
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  Speaker 1: ever was in a situation, maybe a life or death situation,
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  Speaker 1: I hope that I would have the courage to do
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  Speaker 1: what they did. I hope that I would have the
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  Speaker 1: courage to respond or act the same way. But meanwhile, meanwhile,
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  Speaker 1: back at home, back at work, back at school, meanwhile,
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  Speaker 1: in the context of our less than epic everyday lives,
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  Speaker 1: We may not face, as we see, we may not face.
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  Speaker 2: Goliath, but we all have our own giants, right?
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  Speaker 1: We don't peer up at literal walls lined with a
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  Speaker 1: literal enemy, but we all face walls from time to time.
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  Speaker 2: That need to be scaled. Scaled.
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  Speaker 1: But because in those situations, which are usually relational, but
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  Speaker 1: because we're not facing, this is important, because we're not
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  Speaker 1: facing immediate physical danger, we don't interpret our hesitation, our reluctance,
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  Speaker 1: or our unwillingness to act or engage or confront. We
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  Speaker 1: don't see it. We don't label it for what it is.
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  Speaker 1: We mislabel it. We call it something else. We don't
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  Speaker 1: call it fear. We say things like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
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  Speaker 1: In fact, some of you are already starting this in
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  Speaker 1: your mind. So let me just join you in your mind.
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  Speaker 1: I'm not, Andy, it's not that I'm afraid. And if
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  Speaker 1: you're not saying this yet, wait till the end of
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  Speaker 1: the message.
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  Speaker 2: The issue for me is I'm not afraid. Ready?
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  Speaker 1: You don't understand, which I probably don't understand because I
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  Speaker 1: haven't heard your story.
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  Speaker 2: And then you would say, because we've all said this.
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  Speaker 2: I said this. It's complicated. It's complicated. It's complicated.
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  Speaker 1: But to get us all on the same page, and
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  Speaker 1: don't raise your hand or shout out, but unless you're
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  Speaker 1: at a different campus, then we can't hear you here.
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  Speaker 1: But anyway, can you think of a single, can you
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  Speaker 1: think of a single epic history-making, you know, something worth
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  Speaker 1: writing about, something that most of us know about? Can
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  Speaker 1: you think of a single epic history-making act of courage
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  Speaker 1: that wasn't complicated enough Matt, can you imagine, I mean,
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  Speaker 1: if you want to kind of put your complication within
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  Speaker 1: the proper context, can you imagine explaining your complicated situation.
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  Speaker 2: To Rosa Parks? She sat there, decided whether or not
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  Speaker 2: she's going to get up.
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  Speaker 1: Or can you imagine explaining your complicated, or can I
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  Speaker 1: imagine explaining my complicated situation to the signers of the
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  Speaker 1: Declaration of Independence? It's like, guys, okay, real quick, I
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  Speaker 1: know that you're about to give up your livelihood. You're
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  Speaker 1: risking your life. You could lose everything. but you don't
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  Speaker 1: know my boss. You never met my wife. You've never
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  Speaker 1: met my husband. You don't know what my dad is like.
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  Speaker 2: I mean, my.
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  Speaker 1: Situation is complicated and they're looking at us like, okay,
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  Speaker 1: we're busy, right?
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  Speaker 2: But isn't it true that.
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  Speaker 1: Every single act of courage, the circumstances surrounding those epic
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  Speaker 1: acts of courage, they were all complicated situations.
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  Speaker 2: And here's the thing.
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  Speaker 1: The longer we make excuses not to act, the more
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  Speaker 1: complicated things become, especially relationally. So for many of us,
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  Speaker 1: maybe you, and I'm going to push you hard today.
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  Speaker 1: For many of us, maybe you, the real issue isn't
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  Speaker 1: it's complicated.
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  Speaker 2: The real issue is you're afraid. You're afraid. You're afraid.
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  Speaker 2: And here's the thing.
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  Speaker 1: You want to do a thought exercise later. Don't do
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  Speaker 1: it during the message, please. But you want to do
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  Speaker 1: a thought exercise later. Listen, if you will excuse your
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  Speaker 1: reluctance to act, to confront, to step in, whatever the
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  Speaker 1: circumstances are, if you will excuse your reluctance to act
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  Speaker 1: out loud, in other words, say the words out loud,
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  Speaker 1: if you do that long enough, eventually you will bump
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  Speaker 1: into the real culprit, which is fear.
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  Speaker 2: Let me explain what I mean.
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  Speaker 1: Oh, no, no, no, you don't understand what this, you
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  Speaker 1: don't understand it, it's complicated. You see, if I, this
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  Speaker 1: is what you gotta do out loud. If I, then
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  Speaker 1: he will probably. If I, whatever it is, she.
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  Speaker 2: May choose to.
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  Speaker 1: If I, they will because that's what.
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  Speaker 2: They always do. Here's my point.
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  Speaker 1: If a potential outcome, we talked about this last time.
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  Speaker 1: If a potential outcome is what's keeping you you from
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  Speaker 1: doing what needs to be done, that is fear. If
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  Speaker 1: a potential outcome is keeping you from what you need
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  Speaker 1: to do, if it's keeping you from what you know
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  Speaker 1: you should do, that's fear.
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  Speaker 2: Fear.
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  Speaker 1: And having the courage, this is what I'm going to
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  Speaker 1: push you on today. Having the courage to re-diagnose your
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  Speaker 1: reluctance and your hesitation to do what you know you
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  Speaker 1: should do may give you the courage, may give you the.
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  Speaker 2: Courage to do what you know you should do.
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  Speaker 1: Because it is complicated. But everything's complicated.
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  Speaker 2: And the longer you wait, the more complicated it's gonna get.
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  Speaker 1: Now, in the time remaining today, I want to go
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  Speaker 1: super deep on one specific thing, one specific expression of fear.
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  Speaker 1: I wanna highlight a fear we all have a tendency,
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  Speaker 1: me included, a fear that we all have a tendency
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  Speaker 1: to mislabel. Now, when I start what I'm about to do,
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  Speaker 1: some of you are gonna be tempted to just immediately
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  Speaker 1: just dismiss.
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  Speaker 2: What I say out of hand. You're immediately going to start.
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  Speaker 1: Having conversations in your mind with me. So I'm going
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  Speaker 1: to ask you for just a few minutes. And this
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  Speaker 1: will be hard for some of you. And I'm more
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  Speaker 1: sensitive to your situation than you know, even though I
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  Speaker 1: don't know your story. But if you do what I
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  Speaker 1: do long enough or you do what a pastor does
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  Speaker 1: long enough, you've heard everything. You've heard every kind of
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  Speaker 1: heartbreaking story. You've heard every kind of dysfunctional family and
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  Speaker 1: here's the result story.
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  Speaker 2: You've heard every kind of being mistreated at work. You've
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: heard it all.
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  Speaker 1: So If you'll just trust me for a few minutes
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  Speaker 1: and at least be open to what I'm suggesting.
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  Speaker 2: And if you'll try not to.
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  Speaker 1: Cross your arms. Today, I want to unpack the fear
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  Speaker 1: to forgive. Now, we don't normally associate these two things.
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  Speaker 1: And the reason we don't is because we mislabel what
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: is keeping us from forgiving. So at the risk of
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  Speaker 1: sounding terribly insensitive, today for a few minutes, I want
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  Speaker 1: to be terribly direct. So let me just rip the
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: scab off real quick or the Band-Aid off.
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  Speaker 2: That was gross. Okay. The Band-Aid that may rip. Okay. Anyway,
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  Speaker 2: look up here. All everybody.
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  Speaker 1: Some of you need to forgive someone. Some of you
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  Speaker 1: need to forgive someone.
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  Speaker 2: Once and for all. and move on with your life.
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  Speaker 1: You may need to forgive someone for something big or little,
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  Speaker 1: something that was years ago or maybe something that was
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  Speaker 1: just yesterday, career-related, parent-related, former employer-related, a former spouse-related, former fiance-related,
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  Speaker 1: current fiance-related, a teacher-related, perhaps something of such magnitude, and
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  Speaker 1: I get this, I promise you, something of such magnitude
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  Speaker 1: that if you were.
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  Speaker 2: To stand up in front of your church or in
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  Speaker 2: front of your friends and.
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  Speaker 1: Tell your entire story of what happened to you or
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  Speaker 1: what you went through, we may all be tempted to
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  Speaker 1: give you a pass to say, okay, everybody else needs
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  Speaker 1: to forgive.
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  Speaker 2: There's no way you need to forgive.
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  Speaker 1: You get to sit over in the pass section and
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  Speaker 1: here's what you've done. And I'm sensitive to this. You've given,
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  Speaker 1: look up here, In fact, you're offended that I would
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  Speaker 1: even suggest such a thing without having first heard your story.
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  Speaker 2: But because I care, it's time to forgive.
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  Speaker 1: It is time to scale that wall and liberate yourself
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  Speaker 1: from your righteous and perhaps justified resentment. It's time to
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  Speaker 1: confront the giant that continues to whisper and to make
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  Speaker 1: his or her or its way into all of your
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  Speaker 1: most important relationships. It continues to breathe life into your
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: low-grade anger, that anger that just simmers beneath the surface
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: that goes with you wherever you go, anger that shows
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  Speaker 1: up in your marriage unexpectedly. The way you're raising your
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  Speaker 1: kids and discipline your kids and respond to your kids.
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  Speaker 1: In fact, sometimes you surprise yourself. You ask the question,
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: where did that come from? It didn't come from this
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: current event. Where did that come from? The anger that's
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: impacting that controls or fuels your temper, your criticism, gentlemen,
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: your sarcasm. Did you know there is no place for
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: sarcasm within the context of family?
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  Speaker 2: Zero. Zero.
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  Speaker 1: Maybe it fuels the standards you have for everybody else
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  Speaker 1: that nobody else seems to be able to live up to.
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  Speaker 1: Your inability to admit you're wrong. Your inability to even
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: see that you're wrong. But your family sees it. Your
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: friends see it. In fact, your family and your friends,
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  Speaker 1: they feel it. And sometimes they fear it. And the
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: reason you haven't forgiven The reason you haven't moved on,
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: the reason you've tried and failed to forgive is fear.
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  Speaker 2: But you've labeled it something else. But it's fear.
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  Speaker 1: And until you label it correctly, you cannot address it successfully.
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  Speaker 2: And yes, I will admit, it's complicated. But please hear this.
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  Speaker 2: This next statement, even if you just check out after this.
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  Speaker 1: It's complicated isn't a reason. It's complicated is an observation
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  Speaker 1: that you've used as a reason. And it's time for
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: you to quit using it's complicated as an excuse. And
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: I want to say again what I said a minute ago.
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  Speaker 1: The longer you wait, the more complicated it becomes.
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  Speaker 2: But here's what's even worse.
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  Speaker 1: The longer you wait, the more complicated you become. Besides,
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  Speaker 1: let's just be honest. Let's have the courage to be honest.
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  Speaker 1: You're waiting for something that will probably never happen. An apology,
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  Speaker 1: they're not going to apologize. They don't even know what
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  Speaker 1: they did. an admission of guilt, they're never gonna admit
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  Speaker 1: they're guilty as they already would have, right? You're waiting
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  Speaker 1: for them to have this somehow, this awareness of how deeply.
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  Speaker 2: They hurt you. That's probably never, ever going to happen.
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  Speaker 1: You're waiting for them to express regret for all they
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: took from you. You realize that the longer you wait,
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: you know what you're doing?
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  Speaker 2: And you've heard this before. This isn't new. In fact,
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  Speaker 2: somebody's already told you this.
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  Speaker 1: Waiting is handing your heart And your mind and your
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  Speaker 1: emotions to the person that hurt you or the people
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  Speaker 1: that hurt you the most. And again, we can't, nobody
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  Speaker 1: knows who said this originally, but it's true. And you've
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: heard it a hundred times. It's like drinking poison and
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: hoping the other person dies.
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  Speaker 2: What was taken from you can't be returned. You can't
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  Speaker 2: be saved. Repaid.
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  Speaker 1: No one can return your past, your childhood, a first marriage, right?
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  Speaker 1: They can't replace that opportunity or the affection or the
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: intimacy that they stole from you. So it is time
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: to forgive.
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: And here is the good news. Ready for this? Forgiveness
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  Speaker 2: is courageous. Courageous.
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  Speaker 1: Forgiveness is an expression of courage because forgiveness requires what
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  Speaker 1: acts of courage always require. It requires you to make
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: a sacrifice. It's giving someone something they don't deserve. And
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: forgiveness is not acquittal. Forgiveness isn't a declaration of you're
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: not guilty. Forgiveness is simply a declaration of you are guilty.
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  Speaker 1: You did something. You actually owe me something. But you
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: are doing the courageous thing. You're canceling that debt.
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  Speaker 2: Listen to this.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: You are choosing independent of them to stop holding it
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: over them because your heart, mind, and your emotions don't
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: belong to them.
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: Forgiveness is courageous.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: It is the everyday brand and expression.
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: Of courage. Look up here.
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: You can do this. You have everything you need to
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: do this. To show my age, you have been wearing
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: the ruby.
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: Red slippers the whole time. Eight of you got that. Okay,
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: look up here. Look. This is why. This is why.
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: You know, if you, I mean, I say to you
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: all the time, follow Jesus through a gospel.
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: Follow Jesus through the gospels. Follow Jesus through the gospels.
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: When you follow Jesus through the gospels and you read
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: what Jesus says about forgiveness, taken at face value, it
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: is sometimes, it is so important.
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: Offensive.
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: But this is what I'm saying is why Jesus insisted
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: without ever hearing your story, why Jesus insisted before there
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: was you to have a story to tell. It's why
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: he insisted that you should and I should forgive regardless.
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: If you grew up in church, you will remember this
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: little exchange between Peter. If you didn't grow up in church,
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: this is, again, just find a Bible and just follow Jesus.
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: Through Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John.
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: But Jesus was talking about forgiveness, and Peter's listening, and
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: he's thinking. okay, I hear what you're saying, but let's
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: be practical, Jesus.
• 20:48
  Speaker 2: Let's be realistic, Jesus. And so he raises his.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: Hand and he asked Jesus a question about forgiveness. He's like,
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: you know, I hear what you're saying. And you know,
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: I'm a follower. You know, I'm one of your guys.
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: I was one of your first guys, you know.
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: But Lord, let's be real. Let's be practical.
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: Lord, how many times, how many times shall I forgive
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: my brother or sister? And the implication is my same
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: brother and the same sister, the same Person who sins
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: against me.
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: How about, I mean, I'm a good guy. I'm a
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: generous guy. What about seven times?
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: What if I'm willing to forgive them seven times for
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: them to repeating the same thing seven times? Apparently, Peter
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: had somebody in his life, like maybe you have in
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: your life, who was a constant source of hurt and irritation.
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: And seven times for the same thing. I mean, that's
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: a gracious plenty.
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: Do you remember Jesus?
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, most of you are like, oh yeah, I remember this.
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: Jesus' answer, this is why you should follow Jesus. This is, anyway,
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: Jesus says, remember this?
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: Jesus answered, I tell you, Peter, not seven times, but
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: 77 times. And here's what they heard Jesus say.
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: Not seven times, an unlimited number of times. And then,
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: to reiterate this, look at it for yourself. Jesus tells
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: them a parable, right? Jesus tells them a parable to
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: remind them that God's extravagant forgiveness paved the way for extravagant,
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: I'll show you forgiveness. Extravagant, I'll show them forgiveness. Extravagant,
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: I have the power to release you so you no
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: longer control me. That Jesus modeled extravagant forgiveness and showed
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: us the way toward extravagant forgiveness because you.
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: Have everything you need to do this. one else. You
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: can do this.
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: It does not require that your situation become less complicated.
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: You have bought a lie. You have misdiagnosed what's actually
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: going on.
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: Again, complicated is real and complicated is an observation, but
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: it is not a reason not to forgive. It doesn't
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: require that your situation become less complicated.
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: Do you know what it requires?
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: It requires courage because forgiveness is courageous. And for somebody
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: today listening or watching or in one of our rooms,
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: your act to forgive may be one of the most
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: courageous things you do in your life, but you won't
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: do it until you're willing to acknowledge, I'm afraid.
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: I'm afraid.
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: It's why Paul, again, everything that Paul writes in his letters,
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: he's essentially taking what Jesus said to a Jewish audience
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: and he's saying it to a Gentile audience, teasing it
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: out and trying to make it applicable to a culture
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: that was very different than the culture that Jesus spoke
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: to in Jerusalem and in Galilee specifically. And it's why
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: the apostle Paul, who again, like Jesus, never heard your story.
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: It's like the apostle Paul who wrote to a group
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: of people and he'd never heard their stories either.
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: And yet, get this, he has the.
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: Audacity, again, leveraging the teaching of Jesus and leveraging who
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: he recognized Jesus was.
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: He has the audacity, never having heard his audience stories.
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: To say this, get rid of all bitterness, rage, and Andy,
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: it's not frustration, it's anger. Get rid of all your bitterness, rage,
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: and anger. The implication is we have.
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: The tools to do that. We have the ability to
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: do that.
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: Our decision to forgive is not contingent upon anyone else,
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: regardless of the role they played in our lives and
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: regardless what they did to us or took from us.
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: We don't have to wait on anybody. He says, along with,
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: while we're talking about it, along with every form of malice,
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: that imaginary conversations, if I ever had the opportunity, if
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: she ever came to me, if he ever owned up
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: to this, if, if, if, if, if. He says, come on,
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: come on, you're a Jesus follower now. I want you
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: to get rid of it.
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: Forgiving each other.
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: To which, of course, we say, yeah, but they don't
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: deserve it. To which Paul would say, correct. But you
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: don't deserve to be held hostage to their ill treatment
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: of you. And Jesus has provided the way forward. You
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: don't have to be held hostage. This is an invitation.
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: It sounds like I'm doing this. Your savior is saying, no, no, no.
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: This is an invitation to be free. That That God
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: sent Jesus into the world to pave the way for
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: us to be free, to ensure that we had all
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: the tools we needed to move on. He modeled the way.
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: Listen to how the Apostle Paul wraps up this long passage.
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: I've skipped some verses. You can read the whole thing later.
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: Forgiving each other just as, not because of. Not because
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: they deserve it, not because, no. No, he said, no,
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: this isn't a, your decision to forgive has very little
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: to do with them. It has everything to do with
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: who you are now following. You are choosing to no
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: longer follow fear. You are choosing to follow your king.
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: Just as in Christ, God forgave you.
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: Now I'm about to throw.
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: Down I'm about to, this is almost not fair what
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: I'm about to say. But Luke records this for us
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: because Luke knew we needed to hear this.
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: Look up here. Jesus forgave the men who nailed him
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: to the cross from the cross.
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: He did not need anything from them to forgive them.
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: And he invites you and he invites me to follow him.
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: So here's what I want you to consider. And let
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: me just say this.
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: I would imagine there are people who know you and
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: are close to you that if they're listening to this
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: are silently saying, please, oh.
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: God, please let this get through to her. Let this
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: get through to him.
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: If I pay my children to watch this, I pray
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: that because they feel it and sometimes they fear it.
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: And you don't want to live like that. In fact,
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: like I said a while ago, you hear things come
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: out of your mouth. You think about things later on
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: that you said or did and you think, where did
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: that come from?
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: What's wrong with me? You're carrying that anger.
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: As Don Henley said, and it is eating you up
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: inside and it is leaking out on the people you love.
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: And who love you.
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: So the invitation is the standing invitation. Jesus says, I
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: want you to follow me, and I want you to
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: follow me in this. I want you to forgive as
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: you've been forgiven.
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: So I want you to name your resistance for what
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: it is. It's fear, and then do the thing. Forgive,
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: and here's the promise. You know this. You know this
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: from other people's stories.
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: Your courage to forgive is may in fact be the
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: catalyst for extraordinary. For you, for the people closest to you,
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: for the people watching you, who work with you. And
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: I wanna give you a first step. In fact, I
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: wanna give you three questions. The second one's the most important.
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: Here's where to begin.
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: If you're thinking, okay, yeah, I may need to forgive,
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: but it has nothing to do with fear. Here's where
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: to begin. I want you to think later on, ask
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: this question. What do I have to fear? What do
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: I have to fear? If I choose, what do I
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: have to fear? And then here's the most important question.
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: That's kind of the intro question.
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: Ready?
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: What do I have to lose?
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: What do I have to lose by forgiving? What do
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: I have to lose by forgiving? And here's what I
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: want to encourage you to do. I dare you.
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: Preachers dare. It's a preacher dare. I dare you to write.
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: Down your answer to this second question. What are you
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: giving up by forgiving? What will it force you? What
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: will it force.
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: You to let go of? Write it down. And here's
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: why I want you to write it down. I want
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: you to.
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: Expose it to the light, to get it out of
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: your heart, to get it out of your emotions, to
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: get it on paper, expose it to the light. And
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: I want you to look at it. And here's my prediction.
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: When you look at it objectively written down, it will
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: probably amount to very little.
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: And then ask yourself the third question.
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: How much longer do I intend to allow fear to
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: boss me around? How much longer do I plan to
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: let fear be.
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: The boss of me?
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: And you say, Andy, that's kind of strong. No, look,
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: if you know you need to forgive, but you have
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: refused to forgive for fear of what you're giving up,
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: then fear has become your master and fear is a
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: poor master.
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: So tell your fear out loud.
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: Fear, we're done. You have enslaved me. Jesus forgave me.
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: I'm following Jesus. I'm no longer following fear. I choose
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: to forgive. And when you make that decision, when you
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: choose that act, when you choose what's unprecedented, especially when
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: you think about what you've experienced at the hands of
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: the decisions of other people, that is, as we talked
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: about last week, that is the win. What happens after
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: that is not the win. The win is your decision
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: to follow Jesus. The win is your decision to obey.
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: The win is your decision to do what Jesus asked
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: you to do and to trust him with outcomes.
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: And instead of living in the I'm not sure, I
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: don't know.
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: What if, what if, what if, what if, to decide
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: to live with the confidence that you have placed yourself
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: in your future. in the hands of God who loves
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: you and sent his son to forgive you so you
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: could forgive. This is the win is to say yes
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: to your king. Now, for somebody listening today or watching today,
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: I know this is so heavy and it's like, I'm
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: telling you this is.
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: What you need to do, okay?
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: In just a few minutes, you can cross your arms
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: and start arguing with me, but just one more minute.
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: For somebody today, what I've said so far is all
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: you need to hear. You're like, Andy, okay, you're right.
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: I've already thought about this. I've been considering this. Other
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: people have told me this. Okay, you're right. I'm going
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: to write it down. Before I even write it down,
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: I realize I have virtually, I have nothing to lose.
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: I have everything to win.
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: But for some of you, your response legitimately is, Andy,
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: I'm not arguing with you.
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: I agree. I believe. Those passages you showed me, I've
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: read those a dozen times.
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: But I just can't seem to do it. I've tried
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: and tried and tried, and I just can't seem to
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: let it go and move on. And if that's you,
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: as it turns out, if that's you, you just seem
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: to have an inability. You're willing to forgive, but there
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: seems to be an inability. If you have an inability
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: to forgive, oftentimes, I would say most times, but we'll
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: just say.
• 32:57
  Speaker 2: Oftentimes, Your inability to do what you know you need
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: to do is.
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: Actually linked to a second, even more insidious fear.
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: And that's what we're going to talk about next time.
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: For some of you, you're good to go. You know
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: what to do. For others of you, it's like, I've tried,
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: I've tried, I've tried.
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: There is yet another insidious fear that we mislabel. And
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: until you correctly diagnose it, You can't move past it.
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: And again, that's what we're going to talk about next
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: time in
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: Part three of Everyday Courage.