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Rabbi Moshe Haber Path of the Just - The Practice of Humility: Pruning the Soul for Happiness 4.15.26 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

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  And 465 and then go into this next chapter, we close with this
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  idea that when someone gives another person respect, if
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  you're the kind of person that greets everybody in the room,
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  that greets everyone you see, you reach them first.
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  If you're that kind of person, it comes from strong division of
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  humility and the ability to be able to see everyone.
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  A lot of people who don't greet people, it's not so much they
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  fought. They don't even realize that
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  they're there because they're a little bit self, you know, self
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  focused. And because of that, they don't
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  see everyone in the room, literally.
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  So this idea of greeting another person is based on being
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  inherently humble, but it's also being very smart.
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  Why is it smart? Because it creates relationships
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  and makes yourself and you into a warm person.
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  It makes everyone appreciate you and like you.
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  Not in the popular way, but more in the likeable way.
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  Those are two different things, but they're reality.
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  Popular is one kind. You could have some really rough
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  people if that are popular, and you could have, that's just the
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  reality. Why?
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  Because they are charming, they're powerful, they're in
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  positions of authority, they're cool, all those words.
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  But with that comes, you know, problematic person.
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  And you could have a person who's not so popular, but it's
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  very nice. But in reality they're far more
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  well liked than the popular person.
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  Sounds like a deep point, but it's the truth.
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  But then he says with this is based on humility.
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  So humility creates that and it also creates the ends with it
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  creates a very much more enjoyable life.
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  Being humble creates this. It creates relationships and
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  makes you into a warm person, makes you into a person who
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  greets others, who says hello, who recognize everyone who's
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  there, who asked them how they're doing, all those
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  qualities. And that's one area.
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  That's relationships. And secondly, in general, your
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  own personal life, being humble makes you happier.
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  And he says you think it's a funny thing about life.
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  Most character traits, because I'm just telling you on your
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  own, most character traits that are good require cutting down.
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  You cut yourself down a little bit, You humble yourself, you
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  take yourself out of the limelight.
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  You don't make a big noise. All those things, cutting down.
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  So it feels like you're cutting down, you're hurting yourself.
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  Any form of cutting away is cutting away on myself.
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  I'm harming myself. And the reality is with most
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  good character, cutting down is like pruning.
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  Pruning means you cut it down, you make it stronger, you make
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  it more beautiful, you make it healthier, clean it up.
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  Exactly. So there's over here when a
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  person who cut himself makes him humble, he's able to stay
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  everyone else in the room because he's not looking over
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  himself, he's looking at them. That's Part 1.
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  And when you make yourself humble, when you are that way,
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  you also have with this pruning a much more enjoyable life and
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  existence. Why is the humble life a more
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  enjoyable life? I know it's better character.
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  Why is it more enjoyable? Well, all the insults that come
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  your way don't bother you. All the lack of kaput doesn't
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  mean anything to you. You're not running for the same
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  things as the other guy. You're not looking for the same
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  things as the person who wants kaput.
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  You're in a much more steady, healthy state.
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  That's the two things you said from yesterday.
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  I think they're both very important.
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  Humility allows you to greet other people, and humility
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  allows you to enjoy life. Now how does a person, this is
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  on now phase 466. How does a person acquire your
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  mood? What do you do?
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  You beat yourself down. You tell yourself you're
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  nothing. How do you acquire your mood?
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  So he says the only way you do it, the only way.
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  Main way, actually practice. You practice saying to yourself,
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  doesn't matter. It doesn't make a difference.
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  It's not a big deal. They didn't grieve me, OK, I
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  didn't get a value. Fine.
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  I don't need to be the sharpest. I don't need to be the loudest.
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  I don't need to be the most well known.
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  I don't need the most famous. You have the gaze of used to
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  practice. Isn't that unsustainable?
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  Because that's like, it's almost like artificial.
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  You're telling you're trying to retrain yourself.
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  I, I think I could when I was reading it one time, I, I think
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  I might have understood it as if you go through the whole book,
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  that gratitudes, like when you realize what Hashem gives you,
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  Yeah, that you're not really worthy of whatever it is that
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  you have more, that you're more fortunate than somebody else.
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  I think that you're able to then have humility good, because
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  you're not worthy. You're right.
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  That is true. At the core of humility is
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  realization that Hashem runs the world.
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  Hashem is in power. Everything.
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  Every single level of success in my life.
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  Every one of them start to finish all God-given.
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  I could easily paint the picture in 5 minutes.
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  How could have gone out of the way, could have marry a
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  different person, could have different children, could have
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  got a different job, could have lived in a different community.
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  All those things in 5 minutes. That's true.
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  His problem with that is alone I think is that the mental mindset
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  of what gets it to humility won't stick.
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  He feels you see from his words. This isn't addressed
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  hysterically, but you see from his words he feels that just on
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  your mind saying stuff, I should be humble.
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  It won't work because we are at the end of the day human beings
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  and we do. Although we know why we should
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  be humble, we also have very much a sense of why we deserve
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  credit and why we're successful. And we feel like, look how I'm
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  doing. We can't get past that point.
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  So he holds it needs to be more practice based than it is mental
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  based. The mental base is core.
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  It's key. You may be saying, but it's hard
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  to keep. And the practice base in his
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  sense is more practical. But if you're going to go down
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  the route of trying to practice humility, don't try to jump to
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  the finish line because it's practice.
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  It has to be small move at a time.
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  You can't go from a guy who has a big position, was well known,
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  who cares about everything, gets bothered by everything, all of a
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  sudden saying one thing, you know, I'm not going to care
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  anymore to heal. I get so nervous every time
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  someone doesn't invite me, someone insults me, someone says
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  I don't want to care at all. You could say that it's not
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  going to work. What's going to work is, is that
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  one thing it doesn't really work out.
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  You say OK, it doesn't matter, big deal.
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  Another thing doesn't it doesn't make a difference.
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  And slowly you start to realize, you start to see the clarity,
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  which is I didn't need to care about everything.
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  I don't need to be so arrogant. I don't need to be so busy with
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  things. And you look at life and you
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  say, hey, it's fine the other way.
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  As slowly but surely, step by step, you get used to it, as
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  you'll see. And you build because mentally
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  alone with your mind alone, you know why, To be humble, but you
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  won't be humble. That's what he's telling you.
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  I want to stick. Let's read it together.
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  Isn't it very important to be able to listen to people, to
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  talk to them, pay attention to them?
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  Yeah, but that's already make. Them feel good, you know?
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  That's all because you're already on my person.
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  You need to get to that point. You can't start off saying I'm
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  going to listen to everyone. You know, the politicians, they
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  work around the Javier for everyone.
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  No, you listen because you need to get you need to get into
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  office. You know what?
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  I'm interested in listening. The moment you get into office,
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  you know they don't follow the wrong word that they said,
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  right? Because they listen.
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  Just because they leave, that's not listening.
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  Let's see it together. Shine him there are two really 2
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  steps. Hamarghulima da Adamela Nava
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  would bring you to humili. Explain why humili is all born
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  and how a person who's humble thinks.
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  But let's get you there. How to gilute my 8 pony 1 is
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  practice and other one is thinking.
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  So the truth is the thinking 1 is ABS the first to practice 1.
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  How to gilu 2 she had Adam. The practice method is then a
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  person says Marigilla. That's more he gets himself used
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  to not not slowly but surely made na egg bishi flute.
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  A person slowly but surely gets himself used to being small,
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  being low key. He gets used to low key be
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  shivata MI commot happy routine. He sits in his seat that's not
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  so prominent. He doesn't need to stand in the
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  front, right? He travels, so to speak, in the
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  back of the bus, in the back of the crew.
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  He doesn't need the most prominent stance and everything.
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  The Bush bigots. And he wears modest clothing.
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  Yes, what you wear is actually a main display of humility.
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  There's a way that flashes clothing.
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  Keep going. Dinu Mukhubadi and Bakhuma
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  Farty. Nice clothing, but not so loud.
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  Keep it talk alone. But then it has it because when
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  you get used to these different moves of humility, different
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  acts, these are physical only acts.
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  Sitting in the back, Being in the back of the crew wasn't in
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  the back of the crew. Back of the crew means you're
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  sitting with your family, right? You're sitting in the family and
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  they're all talking, talking, talking, and you can't get a
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  word in. Does it bother you?
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  Some people bothers a lot on the conversation, right?
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  Some people bothers a lot. Some people get careless.
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  You want to be able to careless, guy.
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  If it's your children, different story.
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  But if your siblings and your parents and other people around
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  and you can't get a word in, you ain't lost.
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  I could bother a person. How does a son-in-law able to
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  handle that? He gets used to it and he's
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  accustomed to it. He's OK with it.
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  That's humility. All right, right.
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  There's humility. What do you wear?
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  Will you wear matters? Yes, what you wear makes a
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  difference. If you need to be very flashy,
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  it means you are very conscious of being seen.
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  That is arrogance. People don't realize that is
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  arrogance. Needing to talk a lot is
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  arrogance. Needing to be in the front,
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  seeing no matter what and getting upset because you didn't
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  get a good seat is arrogance. These are the things that are
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  personalized to get used to doing the opposite.
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  If I get used to humility that way, and you could add a million
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  more, a million more examples you and I could come up with
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  which are feelings of your mood, for example, like I said, not
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  getting upset when someone does any wrong to you, that's your
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  mood. Like even random, like you're
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  driving, someone steals your parking spot.
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  Yeah, that's arrogant. That's.
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  Also arrogance, any person who any person right my spot most
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  areas of a here how you supposed to like admit it that, but you
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  like your man and it's not the worst thing, but any person who
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  has a sense that I deserve has a sense that I exist now.
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  That's what a stranger. So a stranger is a little bit of
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  a different angle. It's not because you don't see
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  them as Oh, they don't hold on me.
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  Oh, they don't preview properly. That's not there in that case,
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  and a stranger doesn't know you. So that's a strong over there.
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  You want to know when you drive a car and you pull up to the red
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  light and you got a little too close and the Walker, the person
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  walking the guy on the bike gives you that stare down.
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  My favorite scene because I always laugh.
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  I said this guy, all he has is his bike, but he thinks he can
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  stand me down. That move by those people is our
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  is he? Having the lady.
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  With the walk, no, that's not I. She's upset.
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  That's not ours. I do.
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  But that move by those people that stared out is Gava.
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  They think of that two second moment and they have something
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  on you. That's all moves are.
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  There's a million more getting assaulted, getting upset, D like
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  why they treat me this way? How'd they forget about me?
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  My plate doesn't have a fork, right?
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  I meant there's not enough food for me, right?
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  They didn't invite me, get everyone in the car for me, all
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  these different, I didn't exist enough type things.
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  They made a party, they go on a trip and they didn't think to
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  call me. All these things and there's a
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  million more and every one of them hurts.
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  Every one of them are based on some degree of not bad.
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  But Gava and humility says I don't deserve this, I don't
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  deserve that. I shouldn't expect this, I
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  shouldn't expect that. I'm perfectly fine the way I am
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  and I'm very good being alone, being on my own corner.
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  Humility and confidence are one of the same.
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  And it's never clearer than this because when a person dresses
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  flashy for his examples that he gives a person dresses flashy,
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  what are they saying? I need other people to build me
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  up. When a person gets upset for not
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  being brought to something, not being asked to speak, not being
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  recognized as a big deal, what he's saying is I need to be
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  present here to build me up. That's that's insecurity.
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  That's all insecurity. So a person has to get used to
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  the confident, humble structure, which is I'm good, I'm good no
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  matter what. I'm good alone.
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  I'm good on my own. I'm good on my own family.
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  I don't need all these things. I don't need promise among other
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  people. I don't need so much promise
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  among my broader family. I'm good.
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  When you get used to that humble and confident at once, you get
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  used to that constantly, you will become the most confident
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  man alive at the same time, the most humble man alive.
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  And you look and laugh, really laugh.
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  You laugh. And what bothers people, and you
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  say to yourself, that guy is losing his day on that.
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  That guy's getting upset about the other thing.
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  That person is he's so furious because they forgot to call him.
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  They know he knows. Everyone knows who's a mistake.
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  You know there was, you know, the other cases where a mistake
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  happened and the person's furious, right?
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  Happens mostly in shul. Right, exactly.
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  And these types of places and religious get togethers and
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  gatherings and parties and weddings and things.
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  So mistakes. Basic and maturity.
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  It is it's lack of knowledge of the scene.
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  But why is it there? Because the insecure slash
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  arrogant person, which to me is one of the same, by the way,
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  that person saw the scene and because you saw arrogant, he
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  didn't give it a chance to see the full picture.
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  That's very clear. They forgot to call you.
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  Apologies so much. They forgot to call you.
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  Yeah, That means I don't rate. They didn't forget to call so
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  and so and forgot to call me because I'm not a big deal.
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  You know, maybe it's because you're a nice person.
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  You don't like it, but you don't make a big deal out of.
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  It I agree, but the levels of deals that people do, some
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  people get crazy, other people get a little nervous.
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  Everyone's human. I'm fully understanding of that.
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  He's telling you over here, get used to it and build on it a
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  step by step. A small thing, another small
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  thing, another small thing, because inevitably it's going to
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  happen thousands of times throughout your life.
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  You name the person, they've been disparaged in this angle
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  constantly, and they need to get past it.
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  This is this point. When you do this solely right,
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  you have experience. Haven't you been left out of
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  something a million times? How many times did you have a
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  person who forgot about you, who didn't make the phone call, who
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  didn't invite you to the party and they should have, who didn't
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  give you the better seat? Who, like I said, you buy a
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  family meeting, a meal or meal or whatever, and you get a
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  chance to talk all these different things.
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  I did all the same exact thing. There wasn't enough of me in
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  that situation. And that's because I'm a little
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  insecure, a little arrogant, and if I get humble, I'm in a far
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  better spot. Prune myself.
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  But I grow, I'm beautiful, and I'm successful.
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  That's the idea, all right.