Latest / The Priestess Temple Podcast / Ep 17: Your Fat Bitch Era: The Key To Manifesting Healthy Love
Transcript
- Embodied By Jenna: Hello and welcome to the Priestess Temple Podcast. I am your host and guide, Priestess Paradise Rain, helping you embody your dark feminine essence so you can manifest the body and relationship of your dreams. Whether you have just gone through a breakup or you're simply looking to reinvent yourself, this is the podcast for you. Where I share knowledge on womb wisdom, somatics, and identity work to help you do just that. Without further ado, let's get started. Today we are going to talk about how entering your fat bitch era is key to manifesting your dream relationship. Because after being steeped in this diet culture mentality for years through my own disordered eating, and after recovering and helping hundreds of other women recovered from disordered eating, I can confidently say that diet culture. And the societal belief that women's bodies need to be thin and slim to be deserving of love is one of the main ways that the patriarchy controls and manipulates women getting them to ignore their desires and to settle for less than they deserve, both in terms of food and in terms of relationships. You see, because if you can ignore your hunger and fullness cues on a daily basis while you're counting Weight Watchers points, then you can absolutely ignore the signals from your body telling you that your romantic partner is not a good fit when they are displaying 101 red flags on your first date. when we are conditioned throughout our whole lives. To ignore these signals from our body in terms of hunger and fullness as we are pursuing weight loss, what happens is that there is a chronic erosion of self-trust That causes women to choose foods that they don't necessarily want to eat, and also causes them to choose partners that don't exhibit qualities that they necessarily desire. And so today, what I am going to talk about is a story from my own personal life about how I was immersed in diet culture and how it caused me to have tumultuous relationships with my romantic partners in my past. And how breaking up with diet culture and entering my fat bitch era has helped me to have more fulfilling and intimate relationships. Then I'm going to give you some tips about how to break up with diet culture so that you can be on the fast track to manifesting your dream relationship. Alrighty, y'all. Let's get started. So when I was in high school, I was a straight A student. I was also a high intensity athlete. And I was very interested in learning about how I could increase my athletic performance. And so I decided to take an elective in school called Food and Fitness. I'm listening to my teacher as she's explaining the science behind calories and human metabolism. And she was talking about how, in order for a person to lose weight, you need to eat fewer calories. Than your body metabolizes on a daily basis. And so I downloaded my fitness pal and I started counting my calories. And shortly over time, it became an obsession. I figured the fewer calories that I could eat in a day, the more weight I would lose, the better my athletic performance would be, and the more recognition I would gain from other people. Well, y'all, that is exactly what happened. I started to lose weight, and everybody began to congratulate me. My friends, my family members, my coworkers, and even my teachers at school started asking me what I was doing to lose all this weight And I started giving other people nutrition advice to the point where I even changed my major in college to become a registered dietitian. And so as I studied to become a dietitian, I continued to ignore my hunger cues, I continued to lose weight, and eventually this turned into a full-blown eating disorder, y'all. I am telling you, I was eating like under 900 calories a day. And as a woman who is five foot nine, I got down to 135 pounds on this frame. To the point where I literally went to Red Robin for my birthday and I ordered a salad and I started freaking out because they put too much cheese on the salad and it was gonna send me over my calorie limit for the day. eventually, I couldn't keep this up because my muscles started to shrink, I was starting to have mood swings and irritability and issues with maintaining my athletic performance. And so I eventually started to eat more. And as I started working in the field of dietetics. I realized that my mindset was really unhealthy. And eventually I deleted my fitness pal off of my phone. The anorexic tendencies went away. And I started to consume more calories and my weight went back up. However, because I have always been a bigger woman, there had been this real strong societal conditioning for me to want to present in a body type. that was seen as desirable. You know, back in the mid-2000s, Thin was in. And so while I never went back to those anorexic tendencies I had before, I was in this tumultuous on-again, off again relationship with diet culture where I would gain weight and then try the next fad diet, lose the weight. have my thin frame that everyone would congratulate me on. And then eventually I would get too tired and too hungry and I would fall off the diet and I would gain the weight back again. This went on for years. And with each round of dieting, I began to trust my hunger and fullness cues less and less. And over time, this caused me to end up in relationships that didn't quite serve me. You see, because I was eating foods that I didn't necessarily want, right? I was eating rice cakes and cherry coke zero and lean cuisines. When I really wanted a frickin' cheeseburger from Red Robin. And so this denying of my innate desire caused me to also deny the qualities that I would like in a man when considering romantic partnership. And so my first few relationships didn't really turn out that. That's good, y'all. The guys that I was with weren't really treating me that well. I even had a boyfriend that cheated on me that I stayed with for four years. He was so misogynistic. He would hit on all my friends and I would just sit there and allow it because the sensations in my body were so numbed That I couldn't even trust myself to tell this guy to fuck off. I was in strings of situationships and relationships with men that were so confusing and so unclear, and on again and off again, and very tumultuous, just like my history with being on all of these different diets. And eventually, this all culminated in a final relationship that started off on such a high high, and then just four months later. Ended in a crash and burn manic episode, just like how it had started. You see, I was so used to being in these extremes of restriction and binging when it came to my food that it was so familiar to have the same feeling in my body when it came to romantic love and partnership. It was just familiar because I was so used to ignoring my own wants, needs, and desires that I had become an unsafe person to myself. And so when I was attracting these men into my life, They were unsafe partners for me because of my own lack of connection to my body and my own lack of self-trust and discernment due to years of participation in this diet culture mentality. and so after that breakup, I had a come to Jesus moment because I realized that even though I had left diet culture behind long ago, it was still impacting how I was attracting and choosing my romantic partners. And eventually I found a somatic therapist. Who helped me start to reconnect with and understand the sensations were coming from my body. Throughout this process, I have come home to myself in a way that is hard to even describe Because through discerning the different sensations and emotions that my body sends me on a regular basis, I have been able to discern what I need when I need it with so much less confusion and so much more clarity than I have ever been able to have. Before in my life. And after coming out on the other side, y'all, I can tell you that the way that men approach me now is completely different. You see, before when I first met a man that I would be interested in, I was having these big sparks and fireworks and butterflies that were just sending off alarm bells in my Body giving me that rush of excitement that I associated with love. However, this wasn't stable loving partnership. No, this was actually internal chaos that was similar to the chaos that I was feeling as I was ignoring my hunger cues, and the sensations in my body were getting more and more extreme. After going Through this somatic therapy process and ditching diet culture and becoming a fat bitch. Now, what I can truly say is that when I meet a man who is a potential partner for me, it feels calm, it feels steady, it feels stable, and it feels familiar. It feels like this person is just another extension of. Me. Because now that I am a fat bitch who listens to my body. I do not attract the kind of men who would ever want to be in a situationship or an abusive type of relationship with me. I attract men who are there to treat me with love and respect and care because that is the same type of treatment that I give myself because I do not participate in diet culture. And because I am a fat bitch who honors my body, who honors my hunger and fullness, and who honors my desires through voicing what I want and what I do not want to my potential romantic partners. And as I have come home to myself more, and as I have understood the sensations and emotions that come from my body and have started to listen and have cultivated these deeper levels of self trust, what I can say with full on confidence is that this diet culture where women are taught to ignore their hunger and fullness cues. While going on a diet is the number one way that the patriarchy controls and manipulates women into giving the wrong types of men access to their mind, body, and spirit for the long term. And I know that this was a lot to take in, but I am telling you, I have seen the same thing happen in hundreds of women that I have. Counseled when I get them to eat more, and all of a sudden they are questioning their romantic partnership. Because you see, when women are chronically undereating, they ignore the signals that come from their body and their emotions start to shut down. And so when I help them start eating more and breaking up with diet culture through the counseling process. Over time, their whole entire personality shifts. Their emotions come back online. They can feel the sensations coming from their body with more clarity. And eventually they start to question their romantic partnership with their boyfriend or with their husband. And I'm telling y'all, I have seen multiple women leave their partner or go through a divorce after starting to eat more through the nutrition counseling process. Process. I give them a few tools and tips to help them come home to themselves to create greater levels of self trust and a more healthy and stable relationship with food and their bodies. That empowers them to be a fat bitch and ask for what they need in their relationships. So let's get into it. The first tip that I am going to give you is that you need to be eating consistently all throughout the day. Okay. I'm talking about eating within two hours of waking up and then eating something every three to four hours after that. This is crucial. And it is very unconventional when we think about the typical diets that are prescribed for women for weight loss. If we're thinking about GLP1 therapy, the keto diet, the low calorie diet, the similarity between all of these diets is that they focus on ignoring hunger and fullness cues and restricting food. Especially earlier in the day. And so if you are one of those women who skips breakfast, has a small lunch, and then comes home and has a bigger dinner, I want you to stop doing that right now because you see when you can ignore your hunger and fullness first thing in the morning, you instantly shrink your energetic field. Your brain power goes down, your ability to discern your wants, needs, and desires decreases, and you are moving throughout the day in a way that is less than optimal when we are thinking about human metabolism. So, this is the first thing I work with my clients on help them increase the sensations that they are feeling in their body. The second tip don't cut out carbs, okay? Carbs are the most essential nutrient when we are thinking about brain function and when we are thinking about discerning if a romantic partner is right for you or not. We need to have optimal carbohydrates in your diet, so that you can think clearly and honor your desires. The brain requires a minimum of 125 grams of carbohydrates per day. Yes, per day. And so just like how you're eating every three to four hours, make sure you space out your carbohydrates into these intervals where you are getting a little bit at each meal and snack to keep your brain functioning properly all day long. When you are eating at regular intervals and getting enough carbohydrates in your diet, something really incredible happens when we are thinking about honing in on these subtle sensations that come from the body. And so this is the next tip: is that we need to start listening to the emotions and sensations that your body signals to you on a regular basis. Because I'm telling you, once you start eating frequently and having enough carbs, something really interesting shifts in the brain and the body. Your intuition begins to wake up and your original personality comes back online. You see, chronic undereating is one of the most common ways that we numb as humans. It is one of the most common defenses to avoiding feeling and processing some of our harder emotions. And so when you start eating more Don't be surprised if you start thinking about things in a different way and if you start feeling some things that you haven't felt in a long time. This is a normal part of the process. And so I want you to allow yourself extra time and space to reconnect to the sensations in your body. I am telling you, as women, our true power lies in feeling. Feeling the messages that our body sends to us. And when you can start to come home to yourself and discern what your body is telling you, you are going to be able to cultivate greater levels of self-trust and be able to more consciously understand. What you're looking for in a relationship dynamic. And so the final tip here is to A know what the fuck you want and B be a fat bitch and communicate it to people unapologetically. Cause you see, babe, this diet culture mentality gets women to abandon their desires and gets women to ignore the emotions and sensations that come from their body on a daily basis. And so when you start eating more, you are going to have a greater ability to use your voice to assert boundaries to ask for what you need. And this is why I say being a fat bitch is actually key to calling in your dream relationship. And I can say this firsthand because after coming home to the sensations in my body through somatic therapy. And through ditching the diet mentality after years of restrictive eating, I can confidently say that I am attracting different types of men into my life. And it is because I am more honest with myself about what I want and what I do not want. And I also have the energy and the brain power to assert my boundaries and communicate effectively so that. I can get the people who are not gonna be a good fit for me out of my life while calling my energy back to me. So that I can use it to manifest the things that I actually want. And so with this newfound sense of power and autonomy through embracing your fat bitch era, get hella clear about what you want and then use your voice to call it in. Unapologetically. You see, when you do this day in and day out, you begin to collapse timelines and call in the partnership of your dreams because the people who aren't resonant with your desires will go, and the people who are will be attracted to you. Through your discernment and ability to advocate for your needs. And so this episode of the podcast is here to give you full on permission to become a fat bitch and break up with diet culture so you can come home to your body and call in your dream partnership. thank you for tuning in to another episode of the Priestess Temple Podcast. If you enjoyed this conversation, please share with members of your community comment and subscribe so we can continue to have these amazing conversations every week. I will see you next Thursday. And remember, you are the goddess.