Latest / DA CREW Podcast / B.A.D.D. 2 BUSINESS: Family Matters — Traditions & Generational Curses | LIVE ON Da Crew Podcast & Media Network, hosted by Shynen Saffron|

Transcript

B.A.D.D. 2 BUSINESS: Family Matters — Traditions & Generational Curses | LIVE ON Da Crew Podcast & Media Network, hosted by Shynen Saffron| · DA CREW Podcast

• 0:12
  Speaker 1: I know you can see me, can you hear me?
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: All right?
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: All right, good evening, Good evening. Welcome to another episode
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: of Bad to Business. I am shining Saffron. Thank you
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: for hopefully trying to stick in with me. We have
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: some technical difference difficulties, but you know, dealing with systems,
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: it just happens like that. So I'm going to give
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: a couple of people a minute to check in with me.
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: I know there's some people who wanted to hear this conversation.
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: Y'all have been hitting me up asking me what's going on.
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: I've been trying to, you know, work some things out,
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: but thank you for sticking in.
• 0:50
  Speaker 3: Jazz you can right, yep, I sure came.
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: I got a co host.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: Her name is Jazz.
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: Jazz.
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: You don't mind.
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna give a couple of peace for a second
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: to check in before I, you know, go into this show.
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: I think this is really gonna be a good one.
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: I thank you for co hosting with me, making sure
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: that it's smoothly, and so let's give the people a
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: minute to check in. Hello, Hello, Hello, Jess. How are
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: you feeling tonight? Let's go ahead and get this rolling.
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: How you feeling. It's a good day. It's Friday, it's
• 1:28
  Speaker 3: the weekend. Things are happening. It's a great day. Man.
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: How are you.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: I'm good. I'm good.
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: I don't have any complaints.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: And even if I did, I mean God is already
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: solving those.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: So I'm working it out.
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: I again, I thank you for sticking in with me.
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: I know we have some technical difficulties connecting and stuff,
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: so thank you for sticking with me. As I said,
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: I'm just giving some people a second to check back in,
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: and I'm getting back to some people about uh, they
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: were looking for the show, so we are looking for
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: them to tap in, tap in, tap in with your girl,
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: tap in with your girl, tap in with your girls.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: Thank So we're gonna keep this moving right along.
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: So on, and we're out of time.
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: Anybody who cannot tap in right now, you can go
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: ahead and check the replays on YouTube, on ipard, on substack,
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: on all these things that you subscribe to. At the
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: Crew Podcast twenty three, you can follow up and find
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: out what you missed. So right now, I'm not gonna
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: be too concerned on who cannot. Hey, hey, hey ya yam,
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: glad you could tap in? Glad you can, all right,
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: we know the ball is rolling now, all right, we're
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: able to tap in. Everybody's able to tap in. Hello, Hello,
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: good evening, Good evening. Just give it a couple of
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: more minutes, now, I do again. I do not want
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: to run out of time on the topic, but I
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: do want some people to be able to have some times.
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: It's happened. I know it's a little late for me
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: to check in, but we've got a good show for you, right.
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: Jazz got a good show. We got a great show.
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: Give me just a second and give everybody a second
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: tap in.
• 3:33
  Speaker 4: I am going to just make sure that everybody knows
• 3:36
  Speaker 4: what's going on, so that everybody knows tap in.
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: Okay, So.
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna keep moving though, because because that's what we do.
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: We keep moving.
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah, gotta keep moving of course.
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: Welcome to a another episode of Bad to Business. I
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: am your host, Shining Saffron. Thank you for joining me.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: Bad to Business is b a d d at acronym
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: for bringing all diverse discussions to business. I have the
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: pleasure of having my co host, Ms. Jazzy Younger. Hello, Jazzy, Hey,
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: hey going on. Everybody, are you doing? How are you
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: to have you on because you have such a you
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: have just a great conversation. We have a great conversation,
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: so uh and you have a diverse point of view.
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: So hey, hey Carlen, Hello, Hello, thank you for tapping in.
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: I know we're kind of late, but thanks for tapping in.
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: So again, I just want to welcome everybody to bad
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: to business, and today we are talking about family matters.
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: Uhazz Jazzy and I have talked about this periodically through
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: different conversation and stuff, so I'm glad to actually bring
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: this to the business table. So while we're talking about it,
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: we're just gonna go ahead and let's get down to business.
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: Since we kind of miss a little bit of time,
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: We're gonna go ahead and get down to business so
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: we don't miss any more time.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: So again, JAZZI, you're okay, You ready?
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: Ye, I'm ready. Let's go.
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: So the topic of conversation tonight is family matters, traditions
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: and general setbacks, generational setbacks. We want to talk tonight
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: about what type of traditions that you have kept that
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: has enhanced your family and what general generational let me
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: get this word together, what generational setbacks are. And we're
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: a struggle through a struggle through you to go through
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: to ensure that it did not affect your bloodline. So Jazzie,
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna kind of pose that question to you tonight.
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: So first and foremost, let me go ahead and ask
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: you what type of what trend. I'm gonna let you
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: go ahead and take this over because I'm kind of flustered.
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: I'm upset that we have started late.
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: Let me be honest, I'm trying to make sure that
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: we get all the information that we wanted to give
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: you all in this timeframe that we have. So I'm
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: gonna calm down. I'm so glad that we have a car,
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: Thank you Jazz, that we have a co host tonight.
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: Let me go ahead and for a second, as Jazz,
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: I like to be so organized, and I know that
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: things cannot run perfectly smooth, right, but I plan things
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: and I try things to go so perfectly planned that
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: when they go off a plan, I kind of get
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: a little fluss. So that's a little ability of me.
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: And that's why I'm so glad to have people like
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: Jazz on my team that says he.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: Things are okay.
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: You know, it's not going to always go according to
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: your plan, but as long as it goes.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: According to his will.
• 7:18
  Speaker 3: Right, yep, yes, bread take a deep breath.
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: All right, So thank you to everybody who joined in.
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: I see Zilly who said I finally made it.
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: We finally.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: All right, So let's rewind it back real quick.
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: Your host, Shining Saffron, I am the host of Bad
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: to Business b A d D is a acronym for
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: bringing all diverse discussions to business. I have a special
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: co host, UH Jazzy, who is going to help me deliver.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: This message today.
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: Her and I have talked about different things concerning family matters,
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: and I think it's very important that we share it
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: with everybody today.
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: So welcome JAZZI. How are you feeling, I'm great, I'm great.
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: Take two. Thank you so much.
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: But because we started a little bit late, we're gonna
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: go ahead and jump start this and we're gonna get
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: into it. So thank you everybody for joining. Everybody who's listening.
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: We wanted to bring some family matters.
• 8:26
  Speaker 3: To the table.
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: The again, the topic question is what is a tradition
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: that has kept that you have kept that has enhanced
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: your family?
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: And then uh that you have just maybe first let
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: me go back, I did a definition just to make
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: sure that we are all on the same accord of
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: what a family tradition is. A family tradition is repeated
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: activities that hold a special meaning, shared experiences that help
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: build a strong family identity and create memories. And an
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: example is holiday gatherings, vacations, game nights, or family meals
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: and the importance of these things are it helps to
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: build the identity identities of an individual, which defines family
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: and shared culture provides stability, which like predicted predator, I
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: can't get this word right and I understand it, but
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: it's a predicability.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: There we go and routed routines.
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: So basically it just basically says that we are establishing
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: what type of routines and what we expect in our families. Okay,
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: and strengthen connections which reinforce family bonds. Okay, those are
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: family traditions. Now we also want to know what type
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: of family uh setbacks, what type of generational setbacks that
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: you have had to grow from or try to endure
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: that make sure that you don't continue those in your bloodline.
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: So tonight I want to kind of start with you, Jazz.
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: You and I have dialogue before. And I know that you.
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: Have some things that you want to talk about as
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: well as I do. So I'm gonna start with you.
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: So what type of family traditions have you kept that
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: kind of kept your family glued together?
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: Ooh? So I would say Christmas is probably the biggest
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: holiday that we celebrate. I mean, it's the time that
• 10:51
  Speaker 3: we can get together. You know, sometimes we can have
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: family come in, depending on what's going on. But I
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: remember as a kid growing up, like my mom would
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: every year when it starts, you know, I assume as
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: Thanksgiving hit, decorations go up, we're driving the city, looking
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: at lights, listening to Christmas music. You know. I remember
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: because I actually talked about this a couple of days ago,
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: like with some coworkers in mine. I remember this house
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: where we would drive down and they had a glass
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: garage door and they had an entire town set up
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: with Christmas and lights and you know, little statues that danced,
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: and it was just amazing to see it. Every single
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: year and even to this day. Every year for Christmas,
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: I will drive around, no matter where I'm living, I
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: will drive around and go look at Christmas lights. I
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: will find you know where they're having like the drive
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: throughs or whatever where you can like tune your radio
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: station to the station and all the lights dance to
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: the music. You know. It's harder as I've gotten older,
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: because I have been moving around to get back home
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: for Christmas. But it's still there. My mom still decorates.
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: I still try to decorate, and like I said, I
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: still drive around every single year. I don't care what
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: I'm doing. At least one night during the holiday season,
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: I'm driving around and looking at Christmas light. So, I mean,
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: that's one thing I will say has been deeply rooted
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: for me personally, Like that's one thing that I will
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: continue to probably do because I enjoy it. I enjoy
• 12:26
  Speaker 3: the holidays and the lights, you.
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: Know, you know, just Christmas holiday or holidays itself.
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: I mean, the Christmas holiday is the most special because again,
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: you got all the lights and everything like that. I mean,
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: we celebrate birthdays, you know, anniversaries, things like that, but
• 12:43
  Speaker 3: Christmas seems to be the one where it's like we
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: get to eat, we get to see family, and we
• 12:48
  Speaker 3: get a show. You get a light spectacular. I mean,
• 12:54
  Speaker 3: what about you.
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: Well as far as uh editions and stuff like that.
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: Of course I had families that, you know, I had
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: a family that did different things. We celebrated birthdays, we
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: celebrated Christmas and stuff like that.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: But to be totally.
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: Honest, I don't think that I had anything that actually
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: stucked that I can call a tradition. Now, well, let
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: me take that back. I am the baby of six siblings,
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: and as far as my siblings go, they did when
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: it came to celebrating Easter and holidays and stuff. Grandma Aarents,
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: God Rest her soul. We always went to Grandma Aarrent's house.
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: That was always a safe haven. It was so many
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: memories there, and you know, we we always celebrate.
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: I couldn't even tell you what a tradition was.
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: The tradition was if there was a celebration, we're meeting
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: at grandma parent's house, you know, out out to Pasadena, California,
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: because that's what celebrations.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: The celebrations going.
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: So I have to say that if that's the case,
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: there was a tradition, there was. It's a tradition of
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: celebrations that was when there was a maybe a significant birthday,
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: meaning somebody of age, you know, a senior in the
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: family or something like that we celebrated it there. Any holidays,
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: we celebrated it there. So we all got together at
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: Grandma Aaron's house. But to be honest, then Grandma Aaron
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: passed away. M So I cannot, to be perfectly honest
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: with you, I can't tell you that there's been meetings
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: after Grandma area, you know, unfortunately, And that's where we're
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: bringing this to discussion today and bringing it to the
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: table today. Some traditions tend to I won't say die,
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: but fade out. Yeah, I can tell you that the
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: traditions with Grandma Aron and Grandma Aaron's house of us
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: meeting and different things have faded.
• 15:12
  Speaker 3: Out pass the way.
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: So as far as just some some traditions, I'm glad
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: to hear that Christmas is still something.
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: I know you travel.
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: I know you do different things and wherever you're able
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: to go, different jobs, different opportunities for you. I know
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: you travel. So I know that keeping a tradition of
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: Christmas is uh, you know, it's pretty good and at
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: least it's just a once a year kind of thing.
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: You don't have to try to get together on different occasions.
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: If you know that Christmas is your family's hop today.
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: That's awesome.
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: So I hope that you make time, not find time
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: for that, because finding time is hard, but making time
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: is what.
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: We need to do exact exactly.
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: So that's awesome. So but let me do a little
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: twist on that now.
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: So what generational setbacks are or were a struggle to
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: grow through to ensure the effects don't continue down your bloodline?
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: Do you know any you know generational without your family.
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: On blast or whatever.
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: But even though in individuality, is there any individual setbacks
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: that you feel like you know that you had to
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: grow from or you know that you had to realize
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: that you had to be an adult about you know,
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: and make sure that the rest of your bloodline doesn't
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: suffer from that.
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: I can't honestly say that I have, like yeah, I
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: mean not to where I mean because I don't have
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: kids yet, and so I just feel like I wouldn't
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: say there's been anything for me. There's always been together,
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: that's yeah, there's all like mind side of the like
• 17:06
  Speaker 3: our family is semi small. I mean, the extended family
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: makes it a lot bigger. But like my mom's side
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: of the family, like where most of most of our
• 17:17
  Speaker 3: traditions come from, I mean, I wouldn't say there's really
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: any setbacks except for there's no family left really to celebrate,
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: you know, and then everybody's like so far apart, it's
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: kind of hard getting getting closed. But I mean there's
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: ways to you know, fix that and get together, which
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: you know, we'll discuss on. But I would definitely say
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: as far as like generational setbacks, I wouldn't really say
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: not really, not not for me, you know well.
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: And again as far as a generational setback, just to
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: flip that on me, I don't really see anything that
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: has I think that's what you're saying, that has actually
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: hindered me right per se to from my growth as
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: an individual. Now I do have kids, but I don't
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: think that there's been anything that has actually hindered my
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: growth that I'm passing down generationally. Now, I do have
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: some things within myself that I do not want to
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: pass down to my children, and that's another thing that
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: I would probably pose the question to you make sure
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: or is there anything that you can identify as yourself
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: right now?
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: You said you don't have kids, cool, is there.
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: Anything that you can identify in yourself that you would
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: like to change before you accidentally pass that down to
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: your generations once you because you're still young, you're gonna
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: have kids.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: I understand that, and you still plan to have kids.
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: So is there anything about your self that you have
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: maybe obtained through life that you want to make sure
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: that you don't pass out to your bloodline.
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: Definitely, I would definitely say shutting down is probably one
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: of my biggest things that I have the hardest time
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: not doing, whether it's like in an argument or like,
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: because I'm not a person that like I like to fight,
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: I don't like to fight. I'm non confrontational, and if
• 19:29
  Speaker 3: it gets too heated, I'm shutting down. I'm shutting down.
• 19:32
  Speaker 3: I'm walking away. We're not talking about it, and I
• 19:34
  Speaker 3: don't know if I want to talk about it later
• 19:36
  Speaker 3: because I feel like it needs to be squashed. But
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: at the same time, it's like, depending on the approach,
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: I'm not gonna take it very well and I will
• 19:45
  Speaker 3: shut down in the heartbeat.
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: Well, I think what you're saying is I don't want
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: to find about it. No, we're on to some type
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: of terms about it, and well, well, what we're leading
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: into that, But if we're gonna come to some type
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: of common terms about it.
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: I definitely don't want to fight about it.
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: And if it comes time to a type of conflict
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: or fight, I'm good.
• 20:10
  Speaker 3: I can see I'm good.
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: However, I will say that that may lead to some
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: problems too, because just shutting down, like you said, conceding
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: shutting down. Now, I remember a quote from doctor Phil
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: that said, you want to get along or you want
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: to be right.
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: Now.
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: One of my family members brought it to my attention
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: that says, how come if I'm gonna be right, I
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: can't get alung that it comes to a point where
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: and you gotta find that leverage where being right doesn't
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: mean proving it right.
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 20:55
  Speaker 3: I've learned that, Yeah, you can.
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: Be right in your own right, but do you prove it.
• 21:02
  Speaker 3: To the point of argument back and forth? No, you don't.
• 21:05
  Speaker 3: You don't.
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: And that's what even if there you have settled something
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: in yourself that you are right and or you're owning
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: your own right and that or you are right in
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: your own right and you have accepted what the other
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: person has not accepted from you, like kind of like
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: you agree to disagree right exactly, and you're okay with that,
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: be okay with that right right. You know, sometimes that
• 21:33
  Speaker 2: that that's considered not okay.
• 21:35
  Speaker 3: You know, some people want to be.
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: A final resolution in something, and that's where we're coming
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: into even family conflict. Some family wants a final resolution
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: to something, and sometimes that don't happen.
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: That don't happen what we're talking about that night.
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: So I have had some people to while we are
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: talking about generational setbacks and traditions, I've had some people
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: who did reach out just real quick. I've had some
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: people who reached out anonymously, and I've had some people.
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: Who reach out publicly.
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: And I'm just gonna keep it a hundred and just
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: leave everybody anonymous. So I hope that those who did
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: reach out to me. I did give you the link
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: so that you can catch me and Jazzy talking about
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: the conversation.
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: But I will leave you anonymous.
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: But I will talk about some of the things that
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: you brought to my attention. So one of the things
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: is somebody brought to my attention that they wanted to
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: discuss that they have dealt with alcohol addiction and their
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: family and they felt as though what they were going
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: through was just what they were going to go through.
• 22:50
  Speaker 3: This is what.
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: This is what was set in their.
• 22:54
  Speaker 3: Family and they just had to find.
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: Their way around it, you know.
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: And that that's one of the questions, like what is
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: a generational setback that you had to try to find
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: your way around even to make sure, you.
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: Know.
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: And so that was one of the things that somebody
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: said that I did not want to have somebody, you know,
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: have the addiction to alcohol. And to be honest, I
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: did not go too far into it with this person
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: as far as well, the person that preceded you had
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: an alcohol addiction. How did you get addicted? I'm not
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: gonna to be honest, I did not get into that.
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: But however, this person after the person preceded them, their dad,
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: their mother, whatever, had alcohol addiction, they.
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: Got addicted to alcohol.
• 23:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: The great thing about what they did is and let
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: me go ahead and go back to I discussed what
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: family traditions are. Let's define generational setbacks right. What I
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: looked at and define generational setbacks is the cycle slash
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: transmission of negative patterns, traits, or misfortunes through generations, the
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: cycle of negative patterns or misfortunes through traditions, and so
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: I e.
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: Reoccurring family issues, mental or.
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: Physical ailments, learned behaviors, epigenetics, and we won't get into
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: that just yet. But it's more so, this is what
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: I learned. Let's go and learn behavior because.
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: That's the easiest.
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: That's what you saw, that's what you grew up on.
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: So I want to believe, or I want to assume,
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: or even suggest, because I didn't go too far into it,
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: that this person learn this behavior of drinking as a
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: coping mechanism.
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: I didn't look at it as something that was a
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: great thing or something fun to do. I looked at
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: it as a coping mechanism. But as she stated, I
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: learned that that was not the thing to cope with.
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: Not only did she learn it, but she looked up
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: some data and found out that she could help others.
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: I will look more into her information, and if she's
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: willing to let me share it, I'll get into that.
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: But just to go into generational setbacks, I was so
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: glad that she tapped in to talk about alcoholism. Yeah,
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: that is one of the easiest behavioral influences that we
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: could have that and you don't think that and again
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: you said you don't have children yet, but it's very influential.
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: And easy for a child to see a bottle while
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: a is crime while a parent is dealing with stress,
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: while the parent or guardian is dealing with something, to
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: see a bottle while they're dealing with something and say
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: I'm good when you go to ask them, Like my
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: darts come to me and I say I'm good. No,
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: I don't have a bottle in front of me. But
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: I've been able to teach my kids that I pray
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: a lot. Yeah, Jesus in front of me. I keep
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: the Lord in front of me. I keep his promises
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: in front of me. That allow me to teach them that.
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: So, as far as generational setbacks, again, the cycle of
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: negative patterns, traits or misfortunes through generations reoccurring family issues
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: such as mental and physical ailments, learn behaviors like alcoholism, violence,
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: and or poverty, and the epigenetics of it suggests severe
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: stress trauma that can cause effect.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: On gene expression.
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: Gene expression, and you and I will talk about that, right.
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: I'm so glad you on that because.
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: That lets you know you're in tune gene expression in
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: descendants even if they didn't experience the trauma themselves.
• 27:17
  Speaker 4: Yeah, jene expression, Yeah, so that it is passing it down.
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: That is fighting in front of your kids. That is
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: showing them a bottle when you're dealing with something, yeap,
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: that is them smelling marijuana smoke when you're dealing with something.
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: That is them learning what you do to deal.
• 27:41
  Speaker 3: With something, right, So that is starting that.
• 27:44
  Speaker 2: So I just wanted to give those definitions. I know
• 27:47
  Speaker 2: we got so much more to talk about, you and
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: I trying to fly past this, but just the fact
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: that there are you know, traditions, family traditions that we
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: can that will benefit and help us to grow.
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: I e.
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: Christmas that allows you to even know no one, uh,
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: just because you travel and just because you don't have
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: children or whatever the case may be, just because you are,
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: like we're in the world, is Carmen San Diego. You
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: still make sure that you keep a Christmas tradition because
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: it's important to your family. You try to make it home,
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: you try to do those things. We see movies about
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: it all the time, So that's important. And then you
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: got the family setbacks that you try to avoid going
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: down your generations, the negative effects, the alcoholism, the abuse.
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: One of the things I looked up says it's it's alcoholism,
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: it's conflict, it's neglect, it's abuse. Right, we'll get all
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: into that, but all those factors that lead into just
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: a bad generational setback.
• 29:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you keep something good.
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: Okay, So moving along, let's talk pros and cons of just,
• 29:11
  Speaker 2: you know, traditions and generational setbacks. We discussed a little
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: bit about it right now. The prose of it is,
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: you know, you get to keep things, keep cultures, keep traditions,
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: keep those things that are happy in your life, even
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: when you don't feel those happiness the happiness anywhere else
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: in your life. And then you got the cons of
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: the setbacks alcoholism, abuse and anything else like that. Yeah,
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: but you and I have talked about how regardless of
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: if it's the pro side of teaching traditions young or
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: it's the cons of inheriting the bad things of traditions,
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: the generation setbacks, all of it are both things. Starting
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: young can affect how you grow into things. Right, And
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: then you said to me, we started something about your
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: twenty one day fix, So how do you how do
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: you feel like and incorporating your point, how do you
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: feel like starting young with a generation and possibly just
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: keeping that routine repetition, of course, can contribute to doing
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: better things.
• 30:30
  Speaker 3: Well because like like you said, with the twenty one
• 30:32
  Speaker 3: day Fix, it is an exercise program that basically you
• 30:35
  Speaker 3: change your way of thinking, like basically, and there's been
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: studies to show that you can break or build a
• 30:43
  Speaker 3: habit in just three weeks. Twenty one days is all
• 30:46
  Speaker 3: it takes. Now we are talking more long term than that.
• 30:50
  Speaker 3: You can't just start a tradition in twenty one days.
• 30:53
  Speaker 3: Ha ha, I got it. But what we're talking about
• 30:57
  Speaker 3: is anything that you do, if you do it often,
• 31:00
  Speaker 3: consistency is always key. So if you do that often enough,
• 31:04
  Speaker 3: just like we said, I as a kid, every year
• 31:08
  Speaker 3: we did we decorated for Christmas every year. We celebrated
• 31:12
  Speaker 3: my birthday in Passo every year. We had a golf
• 31:16
  Speaker 3: tournament every year, like we were doing family things throughout
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: the year. But Christmas was that one time where okay,
• 31:23
  Speaker 3: we you know, we eat, everybody gets together. It's into
• 31:26
  Speaker 3: New Years. Like I remember one year we had the
• 31:29
  Speaker 3: best New Year's party ever, Like after Chris everybody came
• 31:34
  Speaker 3: down from Christmas like stayed through New Years. We had
• 31:38
  Speaker 3: you know, karaoke, like it was just it was a
• 31:41
  Speaker 3: great time. So that started when I was young and
• 31:45
  Speaker 3: got all the way into my teen years, adult years
• 31:47
  Speaker 3: until we all moved. Like I said, we all moved away,
• 31:50
  Speaker 3: like we moved out of California. Everybody else stayed in California.
• 31:53
  Speaker 3: Then eventually they migrated towards the East. But everybody is
• 31:59
  Speaker 3: in a different area now. And just like we said,
• 32:02
  Speaker 3: with the traditions and the setbacks, that can all start
• 32:05
  Speaker 3: at a very young age. Your kids see you doing
• 32:09
  Speaker 3: you see you your kids see you drinking and smoking
• 32:12
  Speaker 3: or whatever, and they pick that up as they get older,
• 32:15
  Speaker 3: like no, they don't have to say no because oh
• 32:17
  Speaker 3: my mom does it, or they sneak in and steal
• 32:20
  Speaker 3: what their parents have. You know, there's just there's different
• 32:23
  Speaker 3: things that can happen with both sides of it. But
• 32:27
  Speaker 3: the main point of it is everything takes consistency or yeah, everything,
• 32:33
  Speaker 3: you got to be consistent with it. So whether it's
• 32:36
  Speaker 3: every year you do something like have a family vacation.
• 32:40
  Speaker 3: It doesn't have to be Christmas. You could just take
• 32:42
  Speaker 3: every summer the kids are out of school, we all
• 32:45
  Speaker 3: go somewhere for summer. Every single year we do that.
• 32:48
  Speaker 3: And you start doing that and then when those kids
• 32:50
  Speaker 3: grow up, they remember, Hey, we went to so and so.
• 32:53
  Speaker 3: Every single year, I'm going to like when I have kids,
• 32:57
  Speaker 3: I'm going to make sure they're more They tend to
• 33:01
  Speaker 3: do those things more often, you know, like I said,
• 33:04
  Speaker 3: whether it's positive or negative, regardless of what it is.
• 33:08
  Speaker 3: But that's what I mean. Like it. Studies have shown,
• 33:11
  Speaker 3: like I said, it takes three weeks to build or
• 33:13
  Speaker 3: break a habit. So just like with anything else, you
• 33:16
  Speaker 3: got to be consistent. Every year we build something together
• 33:20
  Speaker 3: and we do it, but there's sometimes not enough of that,
• 33:24
  Speaker 3: or sometimes, like you said, it falls off after an
• 33:28
  Speaker 3: important person of the family is no longer with us,
• 33:31
  Speaker 3: we stop. We fall off those traditions because either a
• 33:35
  Speaker 3: it's too painful to go back to where that person was,
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: if the house is still there, if it hasn't been sold,
• 33:41
  Speaker 3: whatever the case may be, or you just feel like,
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: you know what, we stop doing it. It's fine, we'll
• 33:47
  Speaker 3: do something else, or we don't do anything at all.
• 33:49
  Speaker 3: It just depends. So like I said, it can be
• 33:54
  Speaker 3: it can be both sides, and it just depends whether
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: it's positive or negative.
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: Well, I think over all, even with your twenty one
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: day fix or challenge, is that repetition is impactant, even
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: if repetition, even in your shoes, repetition is every December
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: or you need to make sure and hell, you got
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: all year, and that we're learning. You know, everybody always
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: wants to say life is short.
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: I don't know how much time we have.
• 34:30
  Speaker 3: No, we don't that you need to spend your time wie,
• 34:33
  Speaker 3: same way you spend your money.
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: Is that I don't know how much time I have.
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: That's the only reason why we can say life is
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: short because we don't know.
• 34:43
  Speaker 3: We don't.
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: So, yes, life is short because you don't know how
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: long you have. So even with that being said, the
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: repetition of making sure that you are there every Christmas.
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: Now when you do have kids, and I know that
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: that is in your very your future. I know that
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: you're planning, and you know you're one of the fortunate
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: that get to plan your life out.
• 35:05
  Speaker 3: Absolutely that you get.
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: To plan your life out.
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: But you I know that this Christmas tradition is important
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: to you and your family and your mom, so that
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: you will start to get your kids on that, you
• 35:26
  Speaker 2: know what I mean. And so again this is where
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: we're talking about traditions that can help enhance the family
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: and grow them as family versus generational setbacks that tear
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: down your family.
• 35:40
  Speaker 3: Okay, so I'm going to keep on.
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: Talking about that.
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: I want to talk about a couple of points that
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: I had kind of brought up with some other people,
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: So I'm going to bring them up individually. So I'm
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: going to, you know, say some It's almost like a
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: the game show password, right, So I'm going to bring
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: up some keywords and I'm gonna see what you think
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: about them.
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: So let's talk.
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: Boundaries or binds, boundaries or binding some things.
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: How do you.
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: Feel about setting boundaries and how do you feel about
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: binding some things?
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: And I'm just gonna give a quick cute example.
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: I feel very strongly about binding the devil in my adversaries.
• 36:26
  Speaker 3: To the boundaries of health. Okay, I feel.
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: Serious about binding, finding boundaries and binding some things to
• 36:36
  Speaker 2: where they need to be. How do you feel about
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: boundaries and binding? And again, I know that you don't
• 36:43
  Speaker 2: have children, so you don't have to look so keen
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: into everybody. But it is about self awareness, so.
• 36:50
  Speaker 3: Well, no, I mean that's anybody everybody can I mean
• 36:54
  Speaker 3: basically is what is it? Boundaries is where you have
• 36:59
  Speaker 3: a line set don't cross this line. Okay, we're not
• 37:02
  Speaker 3: doing binding. Is there's a restriction like ain't no there,
• 37:07
  Speaker 3: don't come near me, okay. So I definitely feel like
• 37:18
  Speaker 3: there needs to be both of those. You have to
• 37:23
  Speaker 3: set boundaries within your life because you need you need
• 37:26
  Speaker 3: to be able to have you need to be able
• 37:29
  Speaker 3: to have peace in your life. So boundaries and binding
• 37:34
  Speaker 3: need to be set with certain people, certain things, certain behaviors.
• 37:37
  Speaker 3: All that. I definitely agree with both. It just depends
• 37:42
  Speaker 3: on where both need to be applied.
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: King Again, boundaries and binding.
• 37:52
  Speaker 3: Are binding for binding, yep.
• 37:57
  Speaker 2: That that it is and or or that is something
• 38:01
  Speaker 2: that you need to consider.
• 38:03
  Speaker 3: There are some things to.
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: Have boundaries or binding.
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: There are some things that have to have boundaries and well,
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: I don't know if it has to have boundaries and binding,
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: because you need to choose which one needs to be
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: which right, Some things just have to have boundaries. Like
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: you said, don't cross this versus you can't cross this.
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: There's a little bit of a leniency of expectancy or
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: respect or you know, I give you a little bit.
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: In in boundary.
• 38:37
  Speaker 2: I'm giving a little leniency in making sure that we
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: can compromise.
• 38:43
  Speaker 3: But you don't cross a line moderation.
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: That's a boundary, whether it's and it's in family, it's
• 38:51
  Speaker 2: in family relationships. Family, and there's binding where you just
• 38:56
  Speaker 2: say I'm not going to accept.
• 38:58
  Speaker 3: Certain things, just not going to that.
• 39:00
  Speaker 2: I again, where I use the example, I will bind
• 39:05
  Speaker 2: the adversaries to the depth of hell. I just you
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: got to go there. I have no compromise with you. Right,
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: So all right, let's go with the next one. How
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: about protection versus rejection? And I'm talking about protecting your peace?
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: Do you have to reject people to protect yourself or
• 39:26
  Speaker 2: can you protect yourself in a way that it does
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: not reject people?
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: I e.
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: Again, the whole point is family matters and bringing family
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: to a unity. So we don't want to necessarily reject.
• 39:39
  Speaker 2: But do you have to reject to protect your peace?
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: How do you feel?
• 39:46
  Speaker 3: Yes? I mean you do. I mean and unfortunately with that,
• 39:54
  Speaker 3: some people, family or friend may not be in your
• 39:59
  Speaker 3: life any longer. And and I don't mean they're not there,
• 40:04
  Speaker 3: They're just someone you don't deal with. I'm actually going
• 40:09
  Speaker 3: through that myself where I had to stop dealing with
• 40:12
  Speaker 3: someone to protect myself. And I don't regret that decision.
• 40:22
  Speaker 3: I'm I feel one hundred percent that sometimes depending on
• 40:25
  Speaker 3: the person. I mean, everybody's different, everybody's different. Depending on
• 40:31
  Speaker 3: the person, I do feel like you have to reject
• 40:34
  Speaker 3: them in order to protect your peace. You can always
• 40:37
  Speaker 3: protect your own piece. But there's just sometimes that person
• 40:40
  Speaker 3: or sometimes people that you are just like I can't
• 40:44
  Speaker 3: even be around you in any type of form at all.
• 40:50
  Speaker 2: Well, and I can understand that on the way that
• 40:52
  Speaker 2: you yourself to say, it could go the other way
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: because you know, I'm I'm a little bit different necessarily
• 41:01
  Speaker 2: have to reject you to protect myself. I am one
• 41:04
  Speaker 2: that believes in the motto know who you're dealing with,
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: so you know how to deal with them. Knowing how
• 41:10
  Speaker 2: to deal with somebody doesn't necessarily have to reject them, right, So,
• 41:15
  Speaker 2: like you said, depends on the person. The capacity and
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: how my old boss taught me is the bandwidth you have.
• 41:22
  Speaker 3: Do you have a capacity.
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: Bring with bandwidth to even withstand what somebody is bringing
• 41:28
  Speaker 2: to you because you could just say.
• 41:30
  Speaker 3: I'm just not gonna deal with it, I'm good.
• 41:33
  Speaker 2: Versus somebody that you have to deal with. Therefore, you
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: can deal with some stuff that they come with. But
• 41:41
  Speaker 2: it does ultimately come down to protecting your peace. Will
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: you have to come down to rejecting people, rejecting situations,
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: rejecting things to protecting your peace or can you learn
• 41:58
  Speaker 2: how to deal with people or piece?
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: And that's more of the question.
• 42:04
  Speaker 2: Do you feel like you can you personally deal with
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: people around protecting your piece? Or do you feel like
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: it's a no go if you are disturbing my piece,
• 42:16
  Speaker 2: I can't deal with you.
• 42:17
  Speaker 3: You gotta go.
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: How do you.
• 42:18
  Speaker 3: Feel, No, Yeah, that's exactly how I feel. Because everybody
• 42:23
  Speaker 3: gets a chance. I'm not just saying you just cut
• 42:27
  Speaker 3: everybody off like the first attempt. Everybody gets a chance.
• 42:31
  Speaker 3: And when you realize that sometimes people's energy is more
• 42:35
  Speaker 3: draining then it should be, you decide I can't even
• 42:40
  Speaker 3: really be around you, and you don't have to be mean.
• 42:43
  Speaker 3: You just step back a little bit at a time
• 42:47
  Speaker 3: until maybe hey, we just not talking anymore.
• 42:50
  Speaker 2: It's a weaning process.
• 42:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah, because for both. I mean, if that's someone that
• 42:56
  Speaker 3: you you're used to dealing with, or like in the situation,
• 43:00
  Speaker 3: you may have lived with this person for eight years,
• 43:03
  Speaker 3: you took care of this person. You you know, you
• 43:06
  Speaker 3: everything that they needed. You were there to help. And
• 43:09
  Speaker 3: then at some point it gets to be like, okay,
• 43:12
  Speaker 3: look you are draining me and you're because it could
• 43:16
  Speaker 3: come with any kind of abuse. You know, it could
• 43:18
  Speaker 3: be mental, physical, you know, any kind of abuse. You
• 43:22
  Speaker 3: never know what somebody's going through. But that's why I
• 43:24
  Speaker 3: said you sometimes, yeah, you sometimes have to reject someone
• 43:28
  Speaker 3: in order to protect yourself because you, you're your piece
• 43:32
  Speaker 3: is taking little hits every every time you deal with
• 43:35
  Speaker 3: this person, and at certain thing, you just get tired
• 43:38
  Speaker 3: of it and you're like, I'm not going to keep
• 43:40
  Speaker 3: doing this anymore. I can't.
• 43:43
  Speaker 2: That's true because you don't know their journey. You don't
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: know what they're going, but you cannot let their hindrance
• 43:49
  Speaker 2: be your your burdens.
• 43:50
  Speaker 3: Either, Yeah, exactly.
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: And then I'm always drawn back to you.
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: Pray for a discernment, you know, got to let you
• 43:57
  Speaker 2: know when you're engage into something, when you so you
• 44:01
  Speaker 2: either need to support somebody or you need to step
• 44:03
  Speaker 2: away and let him do what he has already designed designed.
• 44:10
  Speaker 2: All right, So that's protection and rejection. Let's talk forgiveness
• 44:15
  Speaker 2: and fault finding. And just to give you an idea
• 44:19
  Speaker 2: of what I mean by those two, fusing is that
• 44:25
  Speaker 2: sometimes people can have an expectancy of apology. So when
• 44:32
  Speaker 2: you call yourself forgiving somebody, but because they have not
• 44:38
  Speaker 2: done the things that they need to do, and again
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: this is all family oriented, they have not done the
• 44:46
  Speaker 2: things that you feel they need to do to be
• 44:48
  Speaker 2: back in your good graces or apologize the way they
• 44:52
  Speaker 2: need to apologize, or whatever the case may be. Because
• 44:57
  Speaker 2: you are in and expected see of an apology, then
• 45:02
  Speaker 2: you're not really forgiving.
• 45:04
  Speaker 3: So I know that.
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: I that's why I.
• 45:08
  Speaker 2: Put together the two forgiveness and fault finding, because I
• 45:12
  Speaker 2: find that those two go together.
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: Like, I mean, you can find fault in somebody.
• 45:17
  Speaker 3: Cool.
• 45:17
  Speaker 2: You want to say that they did this, they did that.
• 45:20
  Speaker 3: Cool.
• 45:20
  Speaker 2: But one point that I just brought up this evening
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: while I was talking about another thing is cool. You
• 45:26
  Speaker 2: want to throw the first stone, no problem, Let's go
• 45:29
  Speaker 2: ahead and build the glasshouse first, right, Let's go ahead
• 45:34
  Speaker 2: and build that glasshouse around you before you throw that
• 45:37
  Speaker 2: stone of finding somebody at fault for something.
• 45:42
  Speaker 3: That you can't forgive. Mm hmm.
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: This is why I left that for last.
• 45:47
  Speaker 2: So again, trigger words or you know, just something that
• 45:51
  Speaker 2: that I want you to think about. What do you
• 45:53
  Speaker 2: think about forgiveness and fault finding, or do you find
• 45:58
  Speaker 2: that those should be separate. You might find they're separate,
• 46:01
  Speaker 2: but unfortunately, in families and family matters, they're one and
• 46:06
  Speaker 2: the same, and that's why things can't get together.
• 46:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Sometimes, I mean for me it's separate, but like
• 46:13
  Speaker 3: you said, in a family, it's all one and the same.
• 46:17
  Speaker 3: It's hard to forgive someone for for if you feel
• 46:23
  Speaker 3: like you've been wronged in any kind of way, even
• 46:27
  Speaker 3: if you feel like it's your own, like I may
• 46:31
  Speaker 3: not be justified, but for whatever Like the act itself
• 46:35
  Speaker 3: may not be something huge, but you feel for whatever
• 46:38
  Speaker 3: reason you were wronged, and that expectancy of an apology
• 46:41
  Speaker 3: that may never come. That that is I will say
• 46:48
  Speaker 3: for me, because I've gone through it myself. That takes
• 46:55
  Speaker 3: a lot of prayer and a lot of even the
• 46:59
  Speaker 3: soul search. Because you want to be so angry at
• 47:05
  Speaker 3: this person for whatever the act was, whatever it was,
• 47:07
  Speaker 3: let's say they wronged you. You want to be so mad,
• 47:10
  Speaker 3: and you want to be so mad for so long.
• 47:13
  Speaker 2: We're on the side of fault finding. We're not right
• 47:16
  Speaker 2: forgiveness at that point.
• 47:18
  Speaker 3: There is no forgiveness because you were wrong until they
• 47:21
  Speaker 3: come to you and be like, hey, this is I'm
• 47:24
  Speaker 3: sorry for X y Z, and you actually are like, okay,
• 47:28
  Speaker 3: we actually talked about it. There's really there's always going
• 47:32
  Speaker 3: to be fault finding.
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: But for me, you're looking for the apology or.
• 47:38
  Speaker 3: You're most people.
• 47:40
  Speaker 2: Does that hold from forgiveness? This doesn't apology hold you
• 47:45
  Speaker 2: from forgiveness. Now, of course that goes into you and
• 47:48
  Speaker 2: I have talked about closure.
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: We won't go into.
• 47:51
  Speaker 3: That on this conversation.
• 47:52
  Speaker 5: Yeah, today when it called when you are fault finding,
• 47:59
  Speaker 5: you know, I'm trying to forgive, but I remember that
• 48:02
  Speaker 5: you did this, and I remember that you did that.
• 48:05
  Speaker 2: Do you necessarily have to have the apology for everything
• 48:13
  Speaker 2: you've listed? You've listed that this person has done wrong.
• 48:18
  Speaker 2: Do you do you have.
• 48:19
  Speaker 3: To have an apology for all that you shouldn't? But
• 48:23
  Speaker 3: most people are expecting that. So like for me, I
• 48:27
  Speaker 3: didn't get an apology.
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: Think think of a personal and I don't. I'm not
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: going to ask you to.
• 48:33
  Speaker 3: Oh no, we're not going to talk about it. But
• 48:35
  Speaker 3: you know I I have been through some stuff with people, family, whatever,
• 48:43
  Speaker 3: and like I said, I was angry for at least
• 48:47
  Speaker 3: a good year and past years long time long time,
• 48:52
  Speaker 3: wasted time, long time, and I still to this day
• 48:58
  Speaker 3: have not gotten gotten an apology. But here's the thing.
• 49:02
  Speaker 3: I had to let that crap go because me personally,
• 49:06
  Speaker 3: I could not grow, I couldnt do anything because that's
• 49:09
  Speaker 3: all I wanted to think about. I wanted to be
• 49:11
  Speaker 3: so angry that that's all that mattered. All I could
• 49:16
  Speaker 3: think about was, Oh, it's your fault. It's your fault,
• 49:18
  Speaker 3: it's your fault. And one day I, like I said,
• 49:21
  Speaker 3: it takes a lot of prayer, it takes a lot
• 49:23
  Speaker 3: of thinking, meditating everything, because that's very hard, especially when
• 49:28
  Speaker 3: that person has always been in your life. They're very close,
• 49:32
  Speaker 3: they're pretty much, yes, very and a major part of
• 49:38
  Speaker 3: everything that you've grown up to be. And for me,
• 49:45
  Speaker 3: I had to let it go. It hurt. It hurt
• 49:49
  Speaker 3: to let it go. But after I finally and I'm
• 49:54
  Speaker 3: gonna be honest about it, it wasn't like a one
• 49:56
  Speaker 3: and done like I wanted to be like, oh, you
• 49:58
  Speaker 3: know what, I forgive this person, and I will say
• 50:01
  Speaker 3: it crept back up. It crept back up, It crept
• 50:04
  Speaker 3: back up, and I wanted to because again that person
• 50:09
  Speaker 3: was around, and it just kind of brought things back open,
• 50:12
  Speaker 3: and it was like, you know what, if I'm really
• 50:14
  Speaker 3: going to forgive her, I really have to forgive her,
• 50:18
  Speaker 3: and I really have to let it go. And so
• 50:22
  Speaker 3: I did, and at this point I have right, I have,
• 50:27
  Speaker 3: I have done that, but I also choose to leave
• 50:31
  Speaker 3: that person alone because I know it's not good for
• 50:34
  Speaker 3: my mental health. Again, rejection for my peace.
• 50:39
  Speaker 2: Okay, So rejection sometimes does result in protection, or rejection
• 50:45
  Speaker 2: is sometimes necessary for protection.
• 50:47
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, definitely, I would definitely say yes, I agree,
• 50:52
  Speaker 3: I definitely agree.
• 50:53
  Speaker 2: I'm you again.
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: My model is you got to know who you're dealing
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: with to know how to deal with them.
• 51:00
  Speaker 2: Definitely, come to a point where you know who you're
• 51:03
  Speaker 2: dealing with. Is somebody that you have to just totally
• 51:09
  Speaker 2: protect yourself from. It is what it is, and even
• 51:13
  Speaker 2: protection could mean cut communication stuff like that. Now, again,
• 51:17
  Speaker 2: this topic of tonight is about family matters and how
• 51:20
  Speaker 2: to bring back family traditions and break generational setbacks. But
• 51:28
  Speaker 2: part of don't get it misconstrued. Part of breaking the
• 51:32
  Speaker 2: generational setbacks is making sure that you understand boundaries or
• 51:38
  Speaker 2: binds protection versus rejection and forgiveness and fault finding. You
• 51:45
  Speaker 2: need to recognize what is what, So you know how
• 51:49
  Speaker 2: to deal with what?
• 51:50
  Speaker 3: Right? So now what?
• 51:53
  Speaker 2: And I'm glad that you did that. What kind of
• 51:55
  Speaker 2: leads me? That kind of leads me into something A
• 51:59
  Speaker 2: little note, and we don't have to stay on this.
• 52:01
  Speaker 2: I just because we are talking about somebody who can
• 52:05
  Speaker 2: take leadership and understand where boundaries or binds protection versus
• 52:11
  Speaker 2: rejection and forgiveness and fault finding come in. We are
• 52:16
  Speaker 2: talking about somebody who can lead the family. So let's
• 52:19
  Speaker 2: call them family administrators. Well, before I go too far,
• 52:25
  Speaker 2: Trevita tapped in heye, Trevita. One of the things that
• 52:29
  Speaker 2: she said is learning to communicate before an argument is
• 52:34
  Speaker 2: important by explaining how you respond during conflict because and
• 52:41
  Speaker 2: that goes back to defining what negative dynamics of a
• 52:50
  Speaker 2: family is and which is COmON, neglect and abuse. Those
• 52:55
  Speaker 2: are the top three things are the top three negativedynamics
• 53:00
  Speaker 2: of the family is conflict, neglect, and abuse. So but
• 53:05
  Speaker 2: I do believe that we kind of touched on that
• 53:08
  Speaker 2: is learning how to communicate is knowing who you're dealing
• 53:11
  Speaker 2: with to know how to deal with you different strokes
• 53:14
  Speaker 2: for different folks. We all can can all agree with that.
• 53:17
  Speaker 2: How I talk to Auntie is not how I'm gonna
• 53:20
  Speaker 2: talk to sis. Right, how I'm gonna talk to Grandma
• 53:24
  Speaker 2: is not how I'm gonna talk to mom.
• 53:25
  Speaker 3: It's just different.
• 53:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so but we will we will agree that communication
• 53:33
  Speaker 2: is key. Now, talk to somebody is how you talk
• 53:37
  Speaker 2: to somebody, But how you talk to somebody is key regardless.
• 53:42
  Speaker 2: So communicating with somebody is key. Find somebody who you
• 53:46
  Speaker 2: can communicate with, and even if you have to decide
• 53:49
  Speaker 2: how you need to communicate with them. Like I tell
• 53:51
  Speaker 2: my daughters all the time, it's not about what you say,
• 53:54
  Speaker 2: it's how you say. Yep, you say to me, you
• 53:58
  Speaker 2: better open your mouth and tell me about how the
• 54:00
  Speaker 2: world makes you feel. However, you better not cuss, don't
• 54:04
  Speaker 2: fuss at me. There's ways to tell me, you.
• 54:07
  Speaker 3: Know, at just don't word vomit me. Right, let's talk
• 54:13
  Speaker 3: about it.
• 54:14
  Speaker 2: So with my daughters, learn who you're dealing with, so
• 54:18
  Speaker 2: you learn how to deal with them. You can't cuss
• 54:21
  Speaker 2: and fuss that mom the way you may do your peers. So,
• 54:24
  Speaker 2: but it doesn't mean not communicate right to go into that.
• 54:29
  Speaker 2: It's about leadership and how to take leadership in family.
• 54:32
  Speaker 2: So let's talk about a the family administrators, the people
• 54:37
  Speaker 2: who take leadership in families when somebody passes or you know,
• 54:41
  Speaker 2: just just deciding that this part of the generation needs
• 54:47
  Speaker 2: this part of leadership. You may be in that part
• 54:50
  Speaker 2: of the aunties or the uncles or the cousins that
• 54:54
  Speaker 2: are in part of that leadership because the older people
• 54:57
  Speaker 2: have passed away, the older influences have passed away, or
• 55:01
  Speaker 2: they're too young or I'm sorry, they're too old too,
• 55:04
  Speaker 2: or they're older to where they're not leading the way anymore. Right,
• 55:09
  Speaker 2: So now you are the family administrator that you are
• 55:13
  Speaker 2: the what we call each other the middle child. We
• 55:16
  Speaker 2: got the old people with tendencies, but we walk in
• 55:20
  Speaker 2: with the new people. So we're trying to incorporate how
• 55:25
  Speaker 2: you can't disrespect the old school while you, you know,
• 55:29
  Speaker 2: swagging with the new school.
• 55:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah cool.
• 55:33
  Speaker 2: Now, let me ask you this, when it comes to
• 55:35
  Speaker 2: being a family administrator taking the lead, whether it's because
• 55:39
  Speaker 2: somebody passed or you just realize that family traditions or
• 55:44
  Speaker 2: generational setbacks have started to rock your family bloodline, when
• 55:50
  Speaker 2: it comes to being the at the family administrator, do
• 55:54
  Speaker 2: you believe or do you think that that's something that's
• 55:57
  Speaker 2: voluntary or something that's in voluntary.
• 56:01
  Speaker 3: I think it's a little bit of both. It depends
• 56:03
  Speaker 3: on the situation. Like in my household, like it's just
• 56:09
  Speaker 3: me and my brother growing up, I would say in
• 56:14
  Speaker 3: our household, like my dad does have other kids, but
• 56:17
  Speaker 3: they weren't in the same household, So if something were
• 56:20
  Speaker 3: to happen to my parents, I would assume.
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry, just real quick, is your brother older or younger?
• 56:25
  Speaker 3: My brother is younger, but he's taller than me, so
• 56:28
  Speaker 3: I call him my little big brother, right right, right, So.
• 56:34
  Speaker 2: Take an administrative You're you're saying as far as you're
• 56:36
  Speaker 2: taking the lead because you're older.
• 56:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I feel like I feel like because
• 56:41
  Speaker 3: I'm the oldest child, eldest child, like I feel like
• 56:45
  Speaker 3: I would be the administrator if something were to happen
• 56:47
  Speaker 3: to our parents or whatever. But he may feel like,
• 56:51
  Speaker 3: you know what, I'm the man of the family now
• 56:53
  Speaker 3: and I feel like I need to take over, Like
• 56:56
  Speaker 3: I may not be emotionally stable to take over as administrator.
• 57:00
  Speaker 3: It just it really depends on why someone has taken over,
• 57:04
  Speaker 3: Like what the case is, you know, if it is
• 57:06
  Speaker 3: a death or whatever, are you emotionally able to take over?
• 57:10
  Speaker 3: That role. I know, like when my grandmother passed away,
• 57:13
  Speaker 3: it was my mother and my aunt or whatever. And
• 57:17
  Speaker 3: my aunt is the oldest, you know, and she gladly
• 57:21
  Speaker 3: volunteered the administrator role because she was like I can't
• 57:24
  Speaker 3: I can't handle it. You know, that wasn't something that
• 57:28
  Speaker 3: she was going to take over. And I will say
• 57:31
  Speaker 3: my mother probably handled it the best of the two.
• 57:34
  Speaker 3: But my question is, like what damage could it have
• 57:39
  Speaker 3: done to my mother, like having to deal with that
• 57:42
  Speaker 3: being the baby of the family and having the takeover
• 57:46
  Speaker 3: like when her mother passed. So it's it's like I said,
• 57:50
  Speaker 3: that was a death situation versus you know, they get sick,
• 57:54
  Speaker 3: you know, and you have to take care of them.
• 57:55
  Speaker 3: Like I said, there's different cases.
• 57:58
  Speaker 2: But because of the yeah, planning now in this situation.
• 58:02
  Speaker 2: So you're saying that your mom was the youngest and
• 58:05
  Speaker 2: she took the responsibility.
• 58:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah, my mom is the baby of four children, so
• 58:10
  Speaker 3: and my aunt is the second oldest girl of four children.
• 58:16
  Speaker 3: So with both of her brother.
• 58:20
  Speaker 1: Your mom didn't take it on volunteer.
• 58:26
  Speaker 2: Involuntarily from your POV without like going on into it
• 58:30
  Speaker 2: with that voluntary position like I'm just gonna take it
• 58:33
  Speaker 2: on because I see nobody else can or involuntarily as
• 58:37
  Speaker 2: I have to take it on because nobody else.
• 58:38
  Speaker 3: Can pretty much because at the time both my uncles,
• 58:42
  Speaker 3: which are the brothers, they both had passed already. So
• 58:46
  Speaker 3: when my grandmother had passed, like it was like, okay,
• 58:51
  Speaker 3: my aunt couldn't do it, my mom had to do it.
• 58:53
  Speaker 3: So yeah, for my mom was probably more involuntary, like yeah,
• 58:57
  Speaker 3: she stepped up and did it, but it wasn't her
• 58:59
  Speaker 3: for choice, whereas my aunt she technically would have been
• 59:03
  Speaker 3: the natural choice, but volunteered my mother. So like I said,
• 59:07
  Speaker 3: for that, it just it depends on the case and
• 59:10
  Speaker 3: can you deal with it or can't or can't you
• 59:13
  Speaker 3: you know, I will coach that I can, but who's
• 59:17
  Speaker 3: to say, you know?
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: Correct? Well, just to touch on that.
• 59:20
  Speaker 3: I am the baby of six.
• 59:23
  Speaker 2: It's like writing a bunch three girls, three boys. I
• 59:27
  Speaker 2: am you know, Cindy if you will, if that's the case,
• 59:32
  Speaker 2: and when my parents passed away, I'm not the one
• 59:37
  Speaker 2: you go to.
• 59:39
  Speaker 1: We have a family administrator.
• 59:42
  Speaker 2: And she does a great job at keeping us informed
• 59:46
  Speaker 2: and keeping us in you know, updated, motivated on what
• 59:50
  Speaker 2: we need to do.
• 59:52
  Speaker 1: When my parents passed with each passing.
• 59:54
  Speaker 2: My mom passed first and my dad passed second. She
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 2: I will tell you that for her it was more
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 2: so voluntary. She didn't see anybody stepping up. She was
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 2: determined to make sure that the family stayed.
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 3: As a unit, that the family stayed.
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 2: Thrown, that the family stayed doing what they were supposed
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 2: to do. So while I would say it was involuntary,
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 2: and that's one of the one of the two key
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 2: points I bought up. By assuming, even voluntarily assuming the administrator,
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 2: the family administrator's position, you also assume the burdens and responsibilities.
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah, she did.
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 2: My sister is very well taking the burdens as well
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 2: as the responsibilities. Now I won't I won't go as
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 2: far as to say that she is taking the accountabilities
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 2: because for things that nobody else is doing, or making
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 2: sure that they are staying on top of or whatever
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 2: else that the family needs. I encourage her to not
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 2: take accountability accountability on that. But she is very much
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 2: assuming and voluntarily taking family administrator to make sure that
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 2: the things are done fairly, the things are done right.
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 2: She keeps us updated and we salute her because it's
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 2: not that we necessarily, like.
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 1: You said, she just kind of fell into the position.
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 1: She kind of stepped into the position.
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like you said, I could assume and fall into
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 2: the position because I'm oldest, but it doesn't.
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 1: Mean that I'm capable.
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, my brother could be more.
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 2: Capable because he's more mentally stable. Not because he's a man,
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 2: but because he's more mentally stable, and he just gonna
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 2: hold those feelings where I'm a cry. My sister just
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 2: decided that she needed to do what needed to be done.
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 2: So salute to your sists. You know who you are.
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 2: So I want to give a salute to all the
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 2: family administrators. Just know that you have a big position
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 2: and that there are when you assume the family administrator
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 2: or you know, assume or take the position of or
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 2: have been given elected. Even the position of family administrator,
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 2: it does come with some stuff. And I know that
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 2: all those who have assumed or taken that position you
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 2: already know what it does, and so you deserve the
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 2: salute because there are some of us, like Cindy, who
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 2: just can't do that. You know, we just cannot deal
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 2: with what's going on and everything that has to go
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 2: along with continuing the family.
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 3: So yeah, salute to you all. Salute to my sister.
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 2: I love you to life itself again. So just to
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 2: move on with talking about the family administrator, Okay, the
• 1:03:07
  Speaker 2: person that handles the things, handles the burdens, handle those,
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 2: handles the responsibilities. Let's talk about who handles the dirty laundry.
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 2: Say hmm, who handles the dirty laundry? Because we know
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 2: that there are some in all families, right, there's dirty
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 2: laundry and where we used to have big mamas, grandmama's
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 2: big aunties that when I say handles dirty laundry, and
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 2: I mean hand washes dirty laundry, washes dirty laundry, make
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 2: sure that dirty laundry gets cleaned and pressed when it
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 2: goes back out. I mean those who heard the gossip,
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 2: you know, heard.
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 3: All the.
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 2: Misconceptions of what the povs from each family member thought
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 2: about a certain family member, and said, nah, that's not
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 2: what it is.
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 1: We're gonna watch that clean.
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 2: We're gonna have a good Thanksgiving, we're gonna have a
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 2: good Christmas holiday, we're gonna have a good Birthday celebration.
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 1: We're not gonna talk about that.
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 2: So just to give you an example where my siblings,
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 2: being the youngest, I got to see a lot of
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 2: things before.
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 1: Me and my siblings always got together.
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 2: While we're talking about family traditions, I forgot to find
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 2: out my siblings we had rest in peace to Grandma
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 2: Arrant much respect, rest in heaven. That she had almost
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 2: every celebration at her house in Pasadena, California, and we
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 2: would all get together for almost every celebration we would
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 2: think of. They would think of celebrations to go and
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 2: have their and it was just because they knew it
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 2: was good times, good vibes to happen. So but Grandma
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 2: Arrent was also, I believe, a laundry cleaner. That's why
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 2: we could all go to her house. That's why we
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 2: could all get along at her house because she would
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 2: not accept the gossip. She would not accept so and
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 2: so it's doing something bad and I we're gonna condemn
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 2: them as a family. We're going to talk about them.
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 2: We're going to exile them, Grandma Aron, I do that.
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 2: My friend said, We're gonna feed them, We're gonna watch
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 2: wrestling with them. You know, we're gonna have fun with them.
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 2: We're going to provide a safe place for them that
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 2: when the world condemns them, we don't right.
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 1: She provided that.
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 2: So where are the aunties and the grandma's, the administrators,
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 2: the assumed, and the ones that do not want to
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 2: take it, cannot take those? Where are the ones that
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 2: are cleaning the dirty laundry? We know everybody who's airing
• 1:06:14
  Speaker 2: out the dirty laundry. Who knows whose laundry is dirty?
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 2: We know all the people who are telling the dirty laundry,
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 2: you know, but who is actually supporting and stopping the
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 2: gossip to say, I don't care that that JJ was
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 2: like the last week. He's free this week, so it's
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 2: free this week. We're gonna have a dinner, We're gonna
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 2: have a you know what I'm saying. And I would
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 2: refer to a Bible verse, but because I can't remember
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 2: it correctly, I won't do that falsely. But it was like,
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 2: you know, yes, my son was gone and he did
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 2: his life wrong, but when he came back, it was
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 2: a it was a moment of celebration because.
• 1:06:57
  Speaker 3: I'm not gonna hold against him.
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna celebrate the fact that he came back and
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 2: he was alive. He came back and he was well,
• 1:07:07
  Speaker 2: he came back and he wanted.
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 3: To come back.
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so it comes back to where are the grounds
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 2: and the aunties? We know everybody's who's uh, you know,
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 2: everybody who used to clean out our dirty laundry, but
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 2: those who call theyself assuming the administrator and making sure
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 2: that you make that that the family goes right?
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 3: I you h I e.
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 2: You possibly assuming the role of administrator or not? Can
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 2: you make sure that you or your brother do not
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 2: allow the extra family to talk about where your mom
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 2: this and this and that and your dad this and
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 2: you know you do not you clean.
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 3: The laundry the gossip that comes.
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 2: Are you able to handle that and that? And that
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 2: goes to what you were saying. Excuse me, I don't
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 2: know if I can handle that.
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 3: My brother may be better at that maybe, but.
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 2: I'm not gonna deal with with family who wants to
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 2: talk about fault finding not forgiving right, because why are
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 2: we still talking about people at fault who ain't here
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 2: to correct it?
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 3: That that's no longer in.
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 2: People and even in bloodlines that are no longer here
• 1:08:35
  Speaker 2: to correct it. You're not even giving them a chance.
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 2: So really, you're just gonna fault find to the day
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 2: you die because they already gone, right, So you're gonna
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 2: fault fine to the day you die.
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 1: Okay, So.
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 2: Just assuming family administrator, and I just wanted to get
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 2: your point on if you feel like it was voluntary
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 2: or involuntary. And I understand it's just two siblings versus
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 2: I am the baby. And it was not the oldest
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 2: that assumed the responsibility. It was the second oldest. But whatever,
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 2: she felt like she could contribute to the family and
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 2: she could find some type of balance in the family.
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 3: She did that and she's doing that.
• 1:09:15
  Speaker 2: So so to you, sist, thank you for becoming the
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 2: family administrator. It's not an easy position, especially with both
• 1:09:24
  Speaker 2: parents gone and there's still family matters to settle. So
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 2: I want to give a salute to my sister who
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 2: is assuming the family administrator. And it's not easy to
• 1:09:36
  Speaker 2: face all the facts, let alone get all of them.
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 2: So amen to you. But I just want to throw
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 2: out there, like we were just talking, if you're going
• 1:09:49
  Speaker 2: to assume a position, you gotta kind of take everything
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 2: that comes with it. And I do believe my sister
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 2: taking the administrator. We all talked her, we all tell her, her,
• 1:10:01
  Speaker 2: tell her our indifferences are feelings about things, and she
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 2: delegates as as need as needed. I'll tell whoever I
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 2: need to make sure that there's not conflict, and I
• 1:10:12
  Speaker 2: will do what I need to do about conflict to make.
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 1: Sure that there's no longer conflict. I'm not the I'm
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 1: not the one.
• 1:10:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm not the one.
• 1:10:21
  Speaker 2: I will tell you as the Cindy, as the baby
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 2: of six. I'm still dealing with my own conflicts in
• 1:10:28
  Speaker 2: my own family. So in my own small in house family,
• 1:10:33
  Speaker 2: as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord,
• 1:10:35
  Speaker 2: but it is I'm dealing with my own. So I
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 2: appreciate the older sibling taking that administrative rove and allowing
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 2: us siblings under her to see where we can jump
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 2: in and where we can support, but not necessarily have
• 1:10:51
  Speaker 2: to take over the whole thing.
• 1:10:52
  Speaker 1: So sol't to you, but moving past that and.
• 1:10:59
  Speaker 2: Being the administrator and being the person who probably has
• 1:11:03
  Speaker 2: to wash the dirty laundry.
• 1:11:06
  Speaker 1: Make sure that nobody's feeling ill about.
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 2: Anybody, make sure that nobody talks ill about anybody. Make
• 1:11:11
  Speaker 2: sure that when we meet that everybody's good again. Salute
• 1:11:15
  Speaker 2: to the family administrators of the family that continue to
• 1:11:18
  Speaker 2: try to get family dinners together, contribute, continue to try
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 2: to get celebrations together.
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 3: Salute to you.
• 1:11:28
  Speaker 2: Even when you know you have a family of conflict.
• 1:11:32
  Speaker 1: Salute.
• 1:11:36
  Speaker 2: But it kind of reminded me of even those who
• 1:11:41
  Speaker 2: are assumed voluntarily or involuntarily the administrators of the family.
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 2: How do you go about delegating that? So you don't
• 1:11:52
  Speaker 2: have kids, you have a younger brother, does he have kids? Okay,
• 1:11:58
  Speaker 2: so nobody has kids just yet. But y'all both young
• 1:12:01
  Speaker 2: enough and spry enough to go ahead and have them.
• 1:12:03
  Speaker 2: So it's coming, but nobody has kids yet. Now I'm
• 1:12:09
  Speaker 2: gonna touch a little bit about generational favoritism. So while
• 1:12:17
  Speaker 2: you are the administrator and you're making decisions and you're
• 1:12:20
  Speaker 2: making sure that family does what they're supposed to do,
• 1:12:23
  Speaker 2: and you know who you're dealing with, so you know
• 1:12:25
  Speaker 2: how to deal with them, and you know who to
• 1:12:27
  Speaker 2: put in position of certain things. Okay, you know, the administrator,
• 1:12:31
  Speaker 2: just like a boss at a job, finds the strength
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 2: and the weaknesses of the family. Okay, I need you
• 1:12:36
  Speaker 2: to do this, I need you to do this, and
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 2: you can't do this. All those things, then you come
• 1:12:42
  Speaker 2: to a generational favoritism. And let me just kind of
• 1:12:47
  Speaker 2: explain that, and it can be circumstantial. What I mean
• 1:12:52
  Speaker 2: by that is as you are the administrator. Let's just
• 1:12:56
  Speaker 2: say that you had more than one sibling, and you
• 1:13:00
  Speaker 2: got along with one sibling more than you got along
• 1:13:03
  Speaker 2: with the other. One sibling has children, the other sibling
• 1:13:10
  Speaker 2: has children. But because you get along with the one
• 1:13:12
  Speaker 2: sibling more, your more adherent to their kids and what
• 1:13:17
  Speaker 2: they do, and you know you're going to the games
• 1:13:20
  Speaker 2: and you're more involved versus how you are with the
• 1:13:25
  Speaker 2: other siblings children. Okay, this is where I'm talking about.
• 1:13:32
  Speaker 2: Being the family administrator takes a lot of responsibility. Because
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 2: if that's the case, I mean, how do you delegate that?
• 1:13:44
  Speaker 2: How do you make sure that you stay focused of that?
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 2: And I happen to know from personal family experience that
• 1:13:52
  Speaker 2: it can affect confidence, it can affect family union, It
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 2: can affect a whole lot of things. And it doesn't
• 1:14:05
  Speaker 2: necessarily mean it's purposeful. There are some families that put
• 1:14:10
  Speaker 2: a certain child on a pedestal and put another child.
• 1:14:15
  Speaker 3: Under the ground.
• 1:14:20
  Speaker 2: But how do you think? And I don't know if
• 1:14:22
  Speaker 2: you've experienced it or know anybody else. There are there
• 1:14:26
  Speaker 2: are generational favoritisms. And I say generational because they treat
• 1:14:31
  Speaker 2: their children a certain way, which means that they're gonna
• 1:14:34
  Speaker 2: treat the children of their children a certain way, and that's.
• 1:14:38
  Speaker 1: Whether it's good or bad.
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so my end, I'm.
• 1:14:42
  Speaker 1: The baby of six.
• 1:14:45
  Speaker 2: I have my children very late to the point where
• 1:14:49
  Speaker 2: I can honestly say that my parents treated me and.
• 1:14:54
  Speaker 1: My babies as the babies.
• 1:14:57
  Speaker 2: Mm hmm, okay, there were differences. There were differences, we
• 1:15:06
  Speaker 2: all acknowledged them. So how as as an administrator, and again,
• 1:15:13
  Speaker 2: it might be hard for you to even like fathom
• 1:15:15
  Speaker 2: or how you do it because your younger brother does
• 1:15:19
  Speaker 2: not have kids yet, So it's not even like you
• 1:15:21
  Speaker 2: could say, oh, yeah, I love his kids and I'm
• 1:15:23
  Speaker 2: just in love and I don't care what happens to
• 1:15:25
  Speaker 2: the rest of the world. But generational favoritism, again, can
• 1:15:32
  Speaker 2: be circumstantial.
• 1:15:33
  Speaker 1: How do you feel like, as an administrator.
• 1:15:36
  Speaker 2: Even if you had to assume the responsibility you not
• 1:15:39
  Speaker 2: having kids, your brother not having kids, how can you
• 1:15:42
  Speaker 2: make sure that where you or your brother were treated
• 1:15:48
  Speaker 2: as the favorite. We won't go into that. If there
• 1:15:52
  Speaker 2: wasn't even that, how do you make sure that as
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 2: the administrator that you start to even out the playing field,
• 1:16:00
  Speaker 2: that you make sure that favoritism doesn't happen.
• 1:16:06
  Speaker 3: I don't really know, I mean, besides just being equal
• 1:16:10
  Speaker 3: to everybody, Like I mean, I experienced it because on
• 1:16:14
  Speaker 3: my side of the family, like they're like my uncle's kids,
• 1:16:22
  Speaker 3: Like on my mom's side, we didn't really deal with
• 1:16:25
  Speaker 3: my uncle's kids like they just I know that I
• 1:16:29
  Speaker 3: have them, but I don't know, like we just didn't.
• 1:16:31
  Speaker 3: They're a lot older than me, Like I've met a
• 1:16:33
  Speaker 3: couple of them. It's just there's so many that we
• 1:16:36
  Speaker 3: don't really deal with them. So I get the whole
• 1:16:39
  Speaker 3: generational favoritism. But you gotta just you gotta break that
• 1:16:42
  Speaker 3: cycle somehow, some way, like regardless of me and my
• 1:16:49
  Speaker 3: brother or whatever, it can't happen, like you just you
• 1:16:52
  Speaker 3: gotta break the cycle someway however you do it. Unfortunately,
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 3: you can't continue down that path because it leads to
• 1:17:00
  Speaker 3: separation within the family. It leads to discord within the family.
• 1:17:04
  Speaker 3: Nobody wants to get along because oh so and so
• 1:17:07
  Speaker 3: it's like better. You know, family functions are weird, like
• 1:17:10
  Speaker 3: it just it gets weird. So like I said, it
• 1:17:14
  Speaker 3: just really needs to stop and we need to like
• 1:17:18
  Speaker 3: just do better. But I don't know how you do that.
• 1:17:23
  Speaker 1: I mean, and.
• 1:17:24
  Speaker 2: Everything in life is a process, right, Yeah, muscle gain,
• 1:17:29
  Speaker 2: family gain, whatever, But in this particular situation, it's about
• 1:17:34
  Speaker 2: family gain and.
• 1:17:35
  Speaker 1: Everything is a process.
• 1:17:37
  Speaker 2: And one of the things that you and I talked
• 1:17:39
  Speaker 2: about in the generational setbacks, the importance of recognizing a
• 1:17:44
  Speaker 2: generational setback is the awareness and action to make a
• 1:17:49
  Speaker 2: conscious decision to change.
• 1:17:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:17:52
  Speaker 2: Oh, even if that's what was going on in your family,
• 1:17:55
  Speaker 2: you only have you and your brother, right, her brother
• 1:17:59
  Speaker 2: was to decide to have children first, Then you got
• 1:18:01
  Speaker 2: to know that you've got to make certain changes to
• 1:18:03
  Speaker 2: make sure that that doesn't happen, that that there's no faism,
• 1:18:06
  Speaker 2: that there's no whatever case the case may be, if
• 1:18:09
  Speaker 2: you had children first, depending on who decided to be
• 1:18:13
  Speaker 2: the administrator, you have to decide who's going to make
• 1:18:16
  Speaker 2: the decision of that's not going to be a zoned
• 1:18:19
  Speaker 2: in thing that you You actually did.
• 1:18:23
  Speaker 1: That, so I totally understand that.
• 1:18:27
  Speaker 2: So, but again, the importance of generational setbacks is to
• 1:18:32
  Speaker 2: be aware of what's going on and make sure that
• 1:18:36
  Speaker 2: you have you're aware to make a conscious change.
• 1:18:39
  Speaker 1: So I like, that's beautiful, Okay, so I'm gonna keep
• 1:18:45
  Speaker 1: on moving.
• 1:18:46
  Speaker 2: But I did want to make the points of generational favoritism.
• 1:18:52
  Speaker 2: You know I like this particular child, or you know
• 1:18:56
  Speaker 2: my youngest and their children were closer to me than
• 1:19:00
  Speaker 2: my oldest and their children. And love is love is
• 1:19:03
  Speaker 2: yes time I have to make that list. So every
• 1:19:06
  Speaker 2: time that I annotate this, that I make sure that
• 1:19:10
  Speaker 2: everybody is aware of what love is and what it
• 1:19:13
  Speaker 2: comes to love hukers all. So it does not matter
• 1:19:16
  Speaker 2: who is who, if you love you love. I have
• 1:19:19
  Speaker 2: two daughters and they're three years apart, and one thing
• 1:19:22
  Speaker 2: that I have to understand is I understand that the
• 1:19:24
  Speaker 2: oldest will come into things in her life before the
• 1:19:29
  Speaker 2: youngest will, right, but I do it. I communicate to
• 1:19:33
  Speaker 2: them both about how I understand and how they.
• 1:19:37
  Speaker 3: Need to understand that one will.
• 1:19:39
  Speaker 2: Come into things in life sooner than the other. She
• 1:19:44
  Speaker 2: will drive at sixteen, or she will try to get
• 1:19:47
  Speaker 2: her permitted at sixteen.
• 1:19:48
  Speaker 1: You can't get yours at.
• 1:19:49
  Speaker 3: Thirteen, right, But I open the lines of.
• 1:19:53
  Speaker 2: Communication to make sure that we understand that the levels
• 1:19:56
  Speaker 2: are still there.
• 1:19:58
  Speaker 1: Now. The world may separate you, but.
• 1:20:01
  Speaker 2: In as far as my house, as far as my house,
• 1:20:04
  Speaker 2: we will serve the Lord.
• 1:20:06
  Speaker 1: And therefore I'm gonna make things equal and fair.
• 1:20:10
  Speaker 2: And so yes, it's fair for her at sixteen to
• 1:20:15
  Speaker 2: learn how to drive and start to look for her
• 1:20:18
  Speaker 2: driving permit and for me to take her out on
• 1:20:22
  Speaker 2: the weekends.
• 1:20:23
  Speaker 1: You at thirteen don't get to be upset.
• 1:20:25
  Speaker 3: About that, correct about it? Let me tell you can't,
• 1:20:32
  Speaker 3: but she can't.
• 1:20:34
  Speaker 1: But it's not that I'm just treating her like this.
• 1:20:38
  Speaker 2: Like this, let me give everybody an understanding of why
• 1:20:46
  Speaker 2: sixteen year old get certain privileges.
• 1:20:48
  Speaker 1: That thirteen year olds don't.
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 3: Right yep, that ministrator.
• 1:20:53
  Speaker 2: Of my family, I have to assume that the burdens
• 1:20:57
  Speaker 2: and the responsibilities of making sure that everybody unders the roles. Okay,
• 1:21:01
  Speaker 2: moving along, though, let me ask this question and we're
• 1:21:05
  Speaker 2: gonna go ahead and round this up because I realized
• 1:21:07
  Speaker 2: we have really talked past our time and I'm okay
• 1:21:10
  Speaker 2: with that, but the powers that be might not be.
• 1:21:13
  Speaker 2: Thank you for keeping along with me. All y'alls that
• 1:21:16
  Speaker 2: all y'all that have stay along with me think yes.
• 1:21:21
  Speaker 2: So here is one of the last questions I do
• 1:21:25
  Speaker 2: want to ask you and see what you feel about it.
• 1:21:28
  Speaker 2: Can heredity stop your destiny? What do you think can
• 1:21:34
  Speaker 2: heredity and what you've gone through and we've seen different
• 1:21:37
  Speaker 2: things coming up about racism and you know, your bloodline
• 1:21:42
  Speaker 2: and things going on in the tabloids, and you know,
• 1:21:45
  Speaker 2: I don't get the same privileges as other people do. Races,
• 1:21:49
  Speaker 2: whatever else can heredity stop your destiny?
• 1:21:53
  Speaker 1: And that's just something that just came up. So I'm
• 1:21:55
  Speaker 1: just gonna ask you.
• 1:21:56
  Speaker 3: Look, let me tell you something. It don't matter where
• 1:22:01
  Speaker 3: you come from, who you are, black, white, Hispanic, Asian,
• 1:22:04
  Speaker 3: it don't matter. I don't think that. I don't think
• 1:22:08
  Speaker 3: that heredity can stop your destiny. I feel like if
• 1:22:13
  Speaker 3: you believe it, it'll happen. Definitely, not not for me.
• 1:22:21
  Speaker 3: I don't think. No.
• 1:22:26
  Speaker 2: I mean and that, And I'm glad to hear that
• 1:22:29
  Speaker 2: from you because that lets me know that when you
• 1:22:31
  Speaker 2: do start your bloodline, that's what you're going to teach.
• 1:22:34
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, no matter what we've come from, and your
• 1:22:38
  Speaker 2: kids may learn about slavery and uh, you know, even
• 1:22:43
  Speaker 2: capitalism and all those things that make may make them
• 1:22:48
  Speaker 2: feel inferior or make them know there's a hindrance. But
• 1:22:52
  Speaker 2: because you know and you stand in that doesn't affect us,
• 1:22:56
  Speaker 2: you'll teach that. And that's again what we're trying to
• 1:22:59
  Speaker 2: talk about. What you can do to make sure that
• 1:23:03
  Speaker 2: the generational setbacks or whatever else does not hinder your bloodline.
• 1:23:08
  Speaker 1: So so lout to you for that.
• 1:23:12
  Speaker 2: As as far as I'm concerned, if I feel like
• 1:23:15
  Speaker 2: heredity can stop your destiny, I do feel like a
• 1:23:20
  Speaker 2: part of my DNA has God's DNA.
• 1:23:23
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 1:23:23
  Speaker 2: That's why I'm able to work up every morning. And
• 1:23:26
  Speaker 2: as far as I got God's DNA, there's that's my heredity,
• 1:23:31
  Speaker 2: that's my heredity line.
• 1:23:33
  Speaker 1: So of course nothing can stop me. There's no weapons that.
• 1:23:36
  Speaker 2: Form against me can prosper never you have my destiny.
• 1:23:40
  Speaker 2: There's nothing that can stop my destiny. And you know
• 1:23:43
  Speaker 2: I tend to worry about the masses if you will,
• 1:23:46
  Speaker 2: But one thing that I am always reminded of is
• 1:23:51
  Speaker 2: the spirit telling me don't worry about the masses, because
• 1:23:54
  Speaker 2: it's always the one that's gonna get you there. And
• 1:23:57
  Speaker 2: if the one is God, I'm good with that. So
• 1:24:03
  Speaker 2: I'm glad that we can agree that heredity cannot stop
• 1:24:07
  Speaker 2: your destiny because you make a decision that you're gonna
• 1:24:10
  Speaker 2: face it until you make it, or you have decided
• 1:24:14
  Speaker 2: that you are part of a destination a bloodline. I
• 1:24:19
  Speaker 2: do have a destination you're good. So that's awesome, So
• 1:24:23
  Speaker 2: thank you for that some of the things. And as
• 1:24:26
  Speaker 2: we're coming to a closing, because again we have talked
• 1:24:29
  Speaker 2: so much over our time, I'm kind of glad because
• 1:24:31
  Speaker 2: this was a very sensitive yet something that needs to
• 1:24:35
  Speaker 2: be talked about conversation. You and I have talked about
• 1:24:38
  Speaker 2: it before, and that's why we have gathered so many
• 1:24:40
  Speaker 2: of these points in our closing. I just want to
• 1:24:43
  Speaker 2: talk about some of the effects of negative family dynamics.
• 1:24:48
  Speaker 2: Negative family dynamics, some things can be conflict in the family,
• 1:24:53
  Speaker 2: neglect in the family, and abuse.
• 1:24:55
  Speaker 3: In the family.
• 1:24:56
  Speaker 2: Okay, so some of the negative dynamics can be psychological distress,
• 1:25:03
  Speaker 2: you know, not being able to handle things well, negative
• 1:25:07
  Speaker 2: outcomes with what's gonna happen when you can't handle things well,
• 1:25:11
  Speaker 2: and just overall disconnect with which is the beginning of
• 1:25:16
  Speaker 2: family generational setbacks. And I can tell you that I
• 1:25:21
  Speaker 2: am one of those. I will disconnect in a minute
• 1:25:25
  Speaker 2: and be okay with it.
• 1:25:27
  Speaker 3: So that doesn't mean that it's doesn't mean that it's
• 1:25:30
  Speaker 3: a good thing.
• 1:25:31
  Speaker 2: Let's make sure that we do not disconnect from family,
• 1:25:34
  Speaker 2: because once you forget about family, you can forget about everything.
• 1:25:39
  Speaker 2: And the effects of positive family dynamics. Let's let a
• 1:25:44
  Speaker 2: couple of family dynamics or positive family dynamics are a
• 1:25:50
  Speaker 2: good communication, which Miss Trevita had pointed out, and that's
• 1:25:53
  Speaker 2: awesome communication. Love, which is something that I pointed out,
• 1:25:59
  Speaker 2: and I I love the word love because again, love
• 1:26:03
  Speaker 2: is patient, love is kind, Love is everything that can
• 1:26:06
  Speaker 2: be settled without discord. And then you have acceptance. And
• 1:26:13
  Speaker 2: a lot of family conflict comes from not being able
• 1:26:21
  Speaker 2: to accept what's going on in somebody else's life. It's
• 1:26:24
  Speaker 2: not your life you live in, accept it, support it.
• 1:26:28
  Speaker 2: You don't necessarily have to fund it that to accept
• 1:26:32
  Speaker 2: it and support it, right, and then one of my
• 1:26:35
  Speaker 2: things is okay. So some of the effects of positive
• 1:26:40
  Speaker 2: dynamics is it is crucial for individual and family wellbeing.
• 1:26:46
  Speaker 1: Individual and family well being.
• 1:26:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so supporting someone, communicating with someone, loving someone, and
• 1:26:56
  Speaker 2: accepting someone is crucial for their well being. And it's
• 1:27:01
  Speaker 2: not about I did not point out correction because one
• 1:27:07
  Speaker 2: of the things I keep pointing out about correction is
• 1:27:09
  Speaker 2: throw the first stone. But before you throw the first
• 1:27:12
  Speaker 2: stone on somebody because you do not agree with whatever
• 1:27:15
  Speaker 2: they have to say. And I'm not even gonna get
• 1:27:19
  Speaker 2: into that, because we already know what's going on in
• 1:27:21
  Speaker 2: the world about how we deal with people that we.
• 1:27:26
  Speaker 1: Don't agree with.
• 1:27:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but before we get into that, let's let's learn
• 1:27:33
  Speaker 2: about how it actually affects our well being, how we
• 1:27:38
  Speaker 2: can communicate, how we can say things, how we before
• 1:27:42
  Speaker 2: we get to our second Amendment. I mean, damn, we
• 1:27:45
  Speaker 2: have freedom of speech. I can say what I want
• 1:27:47
  Speaker 2: to say, you know, according to the algorithms, According to
• 1:27:57
  Speaker 2: the algorithms, right, So, but it is crucial.
• 1:28:01
  Speaker 3: For individual and family well being.
• 1:28:05
  Speaker 1: And definitely.
• 1:28:07
  Speaker 2: Positive dynamics of communication, love and acceptance that starts with
• 1:28:12
  Speaker 2: that psychological flourishing. Being able to you know, expand your
• 1:28:19
  Speaker 2: mind because you have been accepted by the ones that
• 1:28:22
  Speaker 2: love you. You kind of it goes back to if
• 1:28:26
  Speaker 2: you if you pay attention to the ones that love you,
• 1:28:28
  Speaker 2: don't care about who don't you know who for you,
• 1:28:31
  Speaker 2: You don't care about who's against you. So if you're
• 1:28:34
  Speaker 2: able to focus on psychological flourishment, and I guess it
• 1:28:40
  Speaker 2: starts with your family, then you can go ahead and
• 1:28:44
  Speaker 2: you know, enhance yourself in awful situations and also healthy
• 1:28:50
  Speaker 2: development in children and is a key happiness to adults.
• 1:28:55
  Speaker 2: So just really in my opinion, like you said, if
• 1:28:58
  Speaker 2: you start early in roots teens, it kind.
• 1:29:00
  Speaker 1: Of just develops in adults.
• 1:29:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like grandma arent, it was great that she started us,
• 1:29:07
  Speaker 2: started us off. We know who we are and how
• 1:29:12
  Speaker 2: how we are as a family. When we get together,
• 1:29:15
  Speaker 2: we can get together. We just have and it takes
• 1:29:18
  Speaker 2: a long time for us too, but we know how
• 1:29:22
  Speaker 2: to get together. So family know how to get together.
• 1:29:25
  Speaker 2: You know how to love each other. Make sure that
• 1:29:27
  Speaker 2: you're doing that because family matters. Black lives matters, white
• 1:29:31
  Speaker 2: lives matters, all lives matters.
• 1:29:33
  Speaker 1: Family matters.
• 1:29:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we all got so make sure you're doing that.
• 1:29:38
  Speaker 2: So in our conclusion though, or to further in our conclusion,
• 1:29:44
  Speaker 2: where do we start jazz? Like, how do we start
• 1:29:47
  Speaker 2: to do these things? How we've talked about all the
• 1:29:50
  Speaker 2: different conflicts and stuff, but but where do we or
• 1:29:52
  Speaker 2: where can we actually start to do some things?
• 1:29:55
  Speaker 1: Where would you start?
• 1:29:57
  Speaker 3: I mean it's really simple. You gotta start with yourself.
• 1:30:01
  Speaker 3: So when you when you heal yourself within, you can
• 1:30:06
  Speaker 3: also heal your bloodline, so you have to a lot
• 1:30:15
  Speaker 3: of people can't even like like we're talking about forgiveness
• 1:30:17
  Speaker 3: and fault finding, a lot of people have that within
• 1:30:20
  Speaker 3: themselves and they can't let them go for whatever reason.
• 1:30:24
  Speaker 3: Hey I messed up for whatever reason, they can't let
• 1:30:29
  Speaker 3: it go. They fault finding themselves. They can't forgive themselves.
• 1:30:32
  Speaker 3: So I feel like, if you can forgive yourself, if
• 1:30:35
  Speaker 3: you can love yourself, love is kind. Love yourself because
• 1:30:39
  Speaker 3: we do the worst to ourselves. We can talk about
• 1:30:43
  Speaker 3: ourselves so badly to ourselves, and it can be detrimental
• 1:30:48
  Speaker 3: to us. So I think, like I said, if you
• 1:30:50
  Speaker 3: can heal yourself, forgive yourself, love yourself, you can love
• 1:30:53
  Speaker 3: other people. You can love everything else around you, but
• 1:30:56
  Speaker 3: it starts with you. It always starts with you as
• 1:30:59
  Speaker 3: an individual. It don't matter.
• 1:31:04
  Speaker 2: I can concur in that if trauma can be passed
• 1:31:08
  Speaker 2: down through generations, so can healing.
• 1:31:11
  Speaker 1: So if you can period my drop.
• 1:31:18
  Speaker 2: So one of the things I thought about is you
• 1:31:21
  Speaker 2: can start to arrange inis. You know when the next birthday,
• 1:31:25
  Speaker 2: celebration is coming up, holidays are coming up. I know
• 1:31:28
  Speaker 2: that there's some people that you just find yourself not
• 1:31:31
  Speaker 2: getting along with, but find yourself getting along with them
• 1:31:36
  Speaker 2: because you don't know, you don't know. I don't want
• 1:31:40
  Speaker 2: to talk about some of the things that's been going
• 1:31:42
  Speaker 2: on in the world that conclude and confirm that life
• 1:31:47
  Speaker 2: is short and as we know it, because we don't
• 1:31:50
  Speaker 2: know what time is the time and stuff like that,
• 1:31:53
  Speaker 2: but we do know. And I give homage to those
• 1:31:57
  Speaker 2: families that are green eving and going through a strengthening
• 1:32:04
  Speaker 2: process where they have lost these loved ones in the
• 1:32:07
  Speaker 2: last couple of couple of weeks. We all know who
• 1:32:10
  Speaker 2: they are. But start arranging those unions, start arranging. Let's
• 1:32:18
  Speaker 2: get together, Let's start arranging. Even if you know that
• 1:32:22
  Speaker 2: there's going to be.
• 1:32:23
  Speaker 3: Conflicts, solve it, then, yeah, get it, get it done.
• 1:32:27
  Speaker 2: In the world, I was even explaining to you, there's
• 1:32:29
  Speaker 2: so much going on going on in the world that
• 1:32:32
  Speaker 2: I'm I'm so unbothered and anointed, like there's some things
• 1:32:36
  Speaker 2: that we just got to get clear.
• 1:32:38
  Speaker 3: Let's just go ahead and do it, you know.
• 1:32:40
  Speaker 2: So, But that's one thing that I could think of
• 1:32:44
  Speaker 2: that we where we can start, we can.
• 1:32:46
  Speaker 1: Start to arrange unions. Is excuse me?
• 1:32:50
  Speaker 2: Is there anything that you can think of that we
• 1:32:52
  Speaker 2: can where where families can start.
• 1:32:55
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, my grandma on my dad's side, Grandma feeling
• 1:32:58
  Speaker 3: shout out to you as all that you liked our
• 1:33:01
  Speaker 3: post the other day. Love you guys. Sorry I haven't
• 1:33:03
  Speaker 3: been available and around. But every month they do a
• 1:33:09
  Speaker 3: video zoom call. My Audrey puts it together. Every single month.
• 1:33:14
  Speaker 3: They basically celebrate you know, whoever's birthday it is for
• 1:33:18
  Speaker 3: that month, and then they talk about current family events.
• 1:33:22
  Speaker 3: You know, what's going on in Granny's world. She's always like,
• 1:33:25
  Speaker 3: you know, building and you know, painting houses, and they
• 1:33:29
  Speaker 3: got a museum. They're always like adding stuff to the museum.
• 1:33:32
  Speaker 3: You know. They're a huge part of the chalk taw
• 1:33:35
  Speaker 3: Indian nation. Like they're putting putting together pow wows and
• 1:33:38
  Speaker 3: you know everything like that. So i haven't been on
• 1:33:41
  Speaker 3: in a little bit, but I'm gonna start back. But
• 1:33:44
  Speaker 3: start a video chat. Get on FaceTime with your family,
• 1:33:47
  Speaker 3: Like if you don't see them often or can't get
• 1:33:49
  Speaker 3: around for holidays Christmas, do a zoom call. They got
• 1:33:53
  Speaker 3: Google meet now, Facebook Messenger, like, doog whatever you can
• 1:33:57
  Speaker 3: to stay in touch. That's what y'all gonna do. Let's
• 1:34:00
  Speaker 3: do it.
• 1:34:02
  Speaker 1: Do something right.
• 1:34:07
  Speaker 2: And something that I'll I'll throw in is support your
• 1:34:11
  Speaker 2: family's interests and investment.
• 1:34:14
  Speaker 5: That I will, you.
• 1:34:16
  Speaker 3: Know, just tap in a little bit on a personal thing.
• 1:34:20
  Speaker 2: I have started a podcast. I have siblings, I have friends,
• 1:34:24
  Speaker 2: I have family, you know.
• 1:34:26
  Speaker 3: And.
• 1:34:28
  Speaker 2: I am you know, I feel stronger when I'm supported.
• 1:34:34
  Speaker 2: Some of y'all may not notice this, but I am
• 1:34:36
  Speaker 2: nervous every time I go one, you know, and I
• 1:34:38
  Speaker 2: get a little look up after I get on here.
• 1:34:42
  Speaker 2: But you know, I can't lie. If I had more
• 1:34:45
  Speaker 2: support from my family and friends, I might be a
• 1:34:48
  Speaker 2: little more.
• 1:34:51
  Speaker 1: You know, excited stuff like that.
• 1:34:53
  Speaker 2: I did get to hear from my families and stuff,
• 1:34:55
  Speaker 2: and they my families and friends on this topic, and
• 1:34:58
  Speaker 2: they were kind of excited to hear this coming on.
• 1:35:00
  Speaker 2: So I did get a little more excited. And that's
• 1:35:03
  Speaker 2: just to prove what the narrative that we're talking about.
• 1:35:07
  Speaker 2: The more my family and friends got excited, and that
• 1:35:11
  Speaker 2: shouldn't necessarily influence my decision on how I move in
• 1:35:14
  Speaker 2: life and my journey. But the more excited they got about, hey,
• 1:35:18
  Speaker 2: I can't wait to hear this, the more excited I got.
• 1:35:21
  Speaker 2: So understand that. And I'm grown, I'm grown to tell
• 1:35:24
  Speaker 2: with kids, you know, so understand that as excited as
• 1:35:28
  Speaker 2: they got for supporting me, was as excited as I
• 1:35:33
  Speaker 2: got for putting it out. So make sure that you
• 1:35:36
  Speaker 2: support your family. You're supporting their interests. You're doing with
• 1:35:40
  Speaker 2: what you can do to make sure that you motivate
• 1:35:42
  Speaker 2: them to and show them that the things that they're doing,
• 1:35:45
  Speaker 2: you know that matters to you.
• 1:35:47
  Speaker 1: Family matters, period.
• 1:35:50
  Speaker 2: And one of the last points I just want to
• 1:35:52
  Speaker 2: go ahead and sign out with it's not gossipvent. Okay,
• 1:35:55
  Speaker 2: we're already talking about who is and who is not
• 1:36:00
  Speaker 2: in the dirty laundry, Like, how dare you add to
• 1:36:03
  Speaker 2: the dirty laundry and you're not adding to clean it.
• 1:36:07
  Speaker 2: You didn't even take the dirty laundry to the to
• 1:36:11
  Speaker 2: the laundry house. You bring your own laundry soap, right,
• 1:36:14
  Speaker 2: you bring your own dryer sheets. If you're going to
• 1:36:18
  Speaker 2: add to the dirty laundry, bring the ship that sorry,
• 1:36:22
  Speaker 2: bring the stuff.
• 1:36:26
  Speaker 1: I get real serious about this type of stuff.
• 1:36:29
  Speaker 2: That's going to clean it too. You did, like make.
• 1:36:33
  Speaker 3: Sure that you are doing your.
• 1:36:38
  Speaker 2: Look, I don't like the way this felt.
• 1:36:40
  Speaker 3: In the family.
• 1:36:40
  Speaker 2: I don't like the way this smelt in the family.
• 1:36:44
  Speaker 2: I don't like the way this is dealing in the family.
• 1:36:47
  Speaker 2: So yes, I am bringing it to the table, but
• 1:36:50
  Speaker 2: I'm cleaning it too. And if you're not going to
• 1:36:52
  Speaker 2: your effort to clean it, don't give your effort to
• 1:36:56
  Speaker 2: dirty it. We don't need we don't need your extra
• 1:37:01
  Speaker 2: dirty sprinkles. It's already dirty. So appreciate that. So and
• 1:37:08
  Speaker 2: one last ps I'd like to add is that please
• 1:37:12
  Speaker 2: remember that in these days and time, I don't care
• 1:37:16
  Speaker 2: who you are or how you present yourself to be.
• 1:37:22
  Speaker 2: That character builds culture and cultures build community.
• 1:37:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:37:29
  Speaker 2: So even though we're talking about building a family culture
• 1:37:33
  Speaker 2: and structure and keeping it solid, we have to also
• 1:37:38
  Speaker 2: think about how we are building a solid community and
• 1:37:43
  Speaker 2: culture outside of our families.
• 1:37:47
  Speaker 1: It don't stop with our families.
• 1:37:49
  Speaker 2: We still have to do our families, don't pay us,
• 1:37:51
  Speaker 2: our families, don't build our houses. I mean, we could
• 1:37:54
  Speaker 2: try to do stuff like that, but ultimately we go
• 1:37:57
  Speaker 2: outside of our household to get business resolved. And that's
• 1:38:01
  Speaker 2: again what bad to business is about. I know that
• 1:38:04
  Speaker 2: things seem bad outside in the world. I know that
• 1:38:09
  Speaker 2: things seem confusing. I know that we don't want to
• 1:38:12
  Speaker 2: talk about just everything. I may not be talking about
• 1:38:16
  Speaker 2: which I want to talk about on the highest of
• 1:38:20
  Speaker 2: the charts right now, but I mean everybody's already talking
• 1:38:24
  Speaker 2: about that. What I'm trying to talk about is bring
• 1:38:26
  Speaker 2: the bad the diverse discussions, bringing all diverse discussions to business.
• 1:38:33
  Speaker 2: We already know what the bad is, but how can
• 1:38:37
  Speaker 2: we bring it to business.
• 1:38:38
  Speaker 1: So tonight I want to thank my co host Jazzy for.
• 1:38:42
  Speaker 2: Joining me and bring the bad of generational setbacks to
• 1:38:49
  Speaker 2: business about general traditional.
• 1:38:55
  Speaker 3: Ongoing settings.
• 1:38:58
  Speaker 1: Thank you for that pots to traditional settings.
• 1:39:01
  Speaker 2: So even in this conversation, again didn't talk about the
• 1:39:05
  Speaker 2: bad in the world. But because there's so much bad
• 1:39:08
  Speaker 2: in the world, let's talk about how bringing it to business,
• 1:39:11
  Speaker 2: bringing it to a better way of living is going
• 1:39:15
  Speaker 2: to help us. So right now we need to bring
• 1:39:17
  Speaker 2: our families together. We have plenty of enemies and adversaries
• 1:39:22
  Speaker 2: we could be fighting. Let that not be family.
• 1:39:25
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 1:39:26
  Speaker 2: So with that being said, Jazzy, I love you.
• 1:39:28
  Speaker 3: Thank you so much for joining me and.
• 1:39:30
  Speaker 2: Having this discussion with me. I'm glad we finally brought
• 1:39:33
  Speaker 2: this to the business table.
• 1:39:34
  Speaker 3: Appreciate that.
• 1:39:35
  Speaker 2: I am Shannon's shining Saffron signing out, and Jazzy, thank
• 1:39:40
  Speaker 2: you so much for on the next episode of Bad
• 1:39:44
  Speaker 2: to Business.
• 1:39:45
  Speaker 3: Love y'all, don't forget to vote, don't forget to vote.
• 1:39:49
  Speaker 2: Oh I'm on that. Don't forget to vote for the
• 1:39:53
  Speaker 2: crew podcast them for the Kingdom Awards. I will best page.
• 1:40:00
  Speaker 2: Stay tuned. We have it up until October first, so
• 1:40:03
  Speaker 2: thank you for that jazz talking about.
• 1:40:07
  Speaker 3: Get out there and vote everybody.
• 1:40:09
  Speaker 1: Let's go, so I will be posting that. Stay tuned.
• 1:40:12
  Speaker 1: Thank you for joining us for another episode of.
• 1:40:15
  Speaker 2: Bad to Business where we bring you all diverse discussions
• 1:40:19
  Speaker 2: to business.
• 1:40:20
  Speaker 3: Love y'all, check y'all.
• 1:40:22
  Speaker 2: Next episode, good Bye, bye bye