Latest / LAUNCH: Parenting Tips for Raising Adult Children & Building Better Relationships / #2: How to Prevent Failure to Launch in Adult Children and It’s Not Rocket Science

Transcript

#2: How to Prevent Failure to Launch in Adult Children and It’s Not Rocket Science · LAUNCH: Parenting Tips for Raising Adult Children & Building Better Relationships

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: If you're a parent of an adult child, worried and frustrated because they are struggling to become independent, responsible, and find purpose in their life, or you want to know what to do to prevent it, you're in the right place.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: This is Launch, a podcast that helps you guide your adult child to launch confidently into adulthood.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Sherry Jones, author, educator, and co-parenting consultant, taking a deep dive into the ongoing challenges that you're faced with as you watch your adult child struggle.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Each episode will deliver actionable steps and strategies that you can take to help your young adult become confident, motivated, and self-sufficient.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Parents, if you want your adult child to achieve a life of independence, thrive in this world, and reach their full potential, then listen in to launch.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Recently, a parent approached me for advice and they asked a really great question, which got me thinking, why haven't I addressed this before?
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: And then I realized that most of the parents I talked to are currently knee deep in their struggles with a failing to launch adult.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: But this parent wasn't asking how to fix the problem.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: They wanted to know how to prevent it from happening in the first place.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought this is a topic that every parent with an adolescent child might want to hear about.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: So, today's episode is for those of you who want to know what I can do to help my adolescent child avoid failing to launch into adulthood.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: In the first episode, I walk you through this checklist of signs to watch out for, but you may have noticed something.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: I never mentioned age.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: Instead, I refer to them as young adults or adult children.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: That was intentional.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: The truth is, age isn't the most important factor when we're talking about the challenges of launching into adulthood.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: What really matters is where they are in their lives, what they're doing, what mindset they have, what skills they're developing, and whether or not they're growing into responsible, independent adults.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: At this stage, age is not the focus.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, does it really matter if your adult child is 23 or 30 if they're still living at home and not thriving?
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: And since COVID, many adult children move back home for financial reasons, but they are working, contributing, and so on.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: For them, it's a matter of economics, not failing to launch.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: So the real concern isn't just living at home.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's what they're doing and preparing for while they're at home.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: Now, since this episode is about prevention and doing what it takes so they don't hit that roadblock that we call failing to launch, age does matter because I'm specifically talking about adolescence, that critical pre-adult stage of your child's life.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: Now, according to the World Health Organization, the age range for adolescents is between 10 and 19 years, but it is divided into two phases, early adolescence, which is 10 to 14 years old, and late adolescence, which is 15 to approximately 18.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: At these ages, we cannot say that they are struggling with adulting because they are still too young.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: But they can certainly be showing early signs of it.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: And that's exactly what that parent asked me about.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: They said that even though their adolescent was finishing high school and working part-time, when they asked them about their future plans, they had none.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: They weren't even thinking about next steps.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: And this is really important, which is why that parent was so concerned.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's as if she knew that without some sort of game plan, her 17 and a half year old was heading into the danger zone, that slippery slope of I don't know what I want to do, so I'm not going to do anything.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: This episode will address the red flags that you should watch out for with your adolescent and what you need to do to redirect them by offering you suggestions that you can start doing right away to prepare them for the next stage of their life.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you're a parent with adolescent children at home and you want to know how to ensure that they will have the skills, the motivation, and the confidence to step into adulthood, this episode is really for you.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: Here are the red flags that parents of adolescents should watch out for because these are clear warning signs that your child may be at risk of failing to launch into adulthood in the near future.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: The first red flag is lack of motivation.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: If your adolescent doesn't seem interested in school, getting a part-time job, doing things for themselves, or even thinking about their future, it could be a sign that they're not developing the drive that is needed as an adult.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: Pay attention to constant procrastination, avoiding talking about their future plans, and a reluctance to take on any new challenges or start projects.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: The next red flag is avoidance of responsibility.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: If your adolescent is dropping the ball when it comes to their homework, chores, or whatever you ask of them, this is a red flag.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: Notice if they are repeatedly missing deadlines or relying too heavily on you to get things done for them, or if you're constantly reminding them to take care of their responsibilities.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: Another red flag is difficulty managing emotions or stress.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: If your adolescent tends to overreact in challenging situations or struggles to function under pressure, they may not be building the resiliency and coping skills that they need.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: So you need to look out for emo frequent emotional outbursts or withdrawing when things get tough or even worse, turning to unhealthy habits like drinking and using drugs.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: By the way, this is often the age when we see the first signs of panic attacks, migraines, stomach aches, even phobias.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: These are very strong indicators that your adolescent needs help, learning new ways to manage their emotions and handle stress because, and I hate being so dramatic, it will only get worse.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: The next red flag is an over-reliance on you for decision making.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: So if your adolescent is always coming to you to make the choices that they could be making themselves, they are not developing the problem-solving skills that they'll need as adults.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: Another red flag is a lack of social connection.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: So if your adolescent is isolating themselves or has very few meaningful friendships, it could be a sign that they're struggling with social development, which is essential for thriving in adulthood.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: So if they are avoiding social activities, spending way too much time alone, or showing little interest in building new friendships, you've got to step in.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: And the last one is poor time management and organizational skills.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: So if your adolescent child struggles with managing their time, is frequently late, or has trouble staying organized, they may not be developing the thinking ahead and planning skills that are so important in adulthood.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: So I call these red flags because they really are warning signs.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: Parents, should you recognize any of these, you need to get involved and provide them with the guidance they need before the bigger challenges arise.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: I have seen many of these traits or red flags rather with friends, kids, and family members.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I can honestly say that you should not ignore these signs or overcompensate for them or dismiss them as something your kid will grow out of because sadly they won't.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: But that's okay because they have you and you have me.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: So let's get into some of the constructive suggestions that you can take and use to prevent your adolescent from struggling or possibly failing to launch into adulthood.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: Here are 10 actionable suggestions that you can start using today.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: And as you do these, I need you to consider their current age because there is such a big difference in their in adolescence between 10 and 18 that you need to tailor these to whether they are a younger adolescent or an older one.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, let's get started.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: First, encourage responsibility.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: You've got to let them start doing their own tasks, like giving them chores and managing their allowance, and as they get older, participating in small family decisions.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: This helps them to develop independence, confidence, and of course, responsibility.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: Second, teach them problem solving skills.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of solving every problem for them, guide your adolescent through their challenges by encouraging them to brainstorm solutions with you and think about possible outcomes.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: This will also build confidence and of course decision-making skills.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: Third, set clear expectations.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: By you outlining your expectations of them for school or their behavior, even their responsibilities around the house, it gives them a sense of direction and purpose.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: Eventually they'll set their own expectations, but for now it starts with you.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: Fourth, strengthen their emotional resilience.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: Adolescence is a time of emotional growth.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: Teaching coping skills for managing stress and disappointment helps them to handle setbacks and bounce back easier.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: My fifth suggestion is to start teaching them life skills, like cooking, staying organized, managing their time, and even saving money.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: These are all important life skills as they approach adulthood.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: Number six is to help them develop a can-do mindset.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: This means encouraging them to keep an open mind, to keep learning, even when things are hard.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: Teach them how to embrace challenges and see failures or their mistakes as lessons rather than setbacks.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: The seventh one is be a good role model.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this is you, parents.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: We know that adolescents often follow the behaviors they see in their parents.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: So if we're teaching them how to become independent, responsible, and learn important life skills, well, they'll be looking at us to see how we're doing.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: Food for thought, isn't it?
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: Number eight is to encourage part-time work or volunteering.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: You've got to urge your adolescent to either start volunteering somewhere or to get a part-time job.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: These types of experiences are the best ways to teach adolescents responsibility, time management, and the value of earning their own money.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: The ninth suggestion is to talk openly with them about thinking ahead.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: So you got to discuss short-term and long-term goals, like what courses they'd like to take in school or what do they see themselves doing, and then plan out what steps they need to take now to get there.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: This helps them to get excited about their future and stay focused.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: And lastly, you've got to encourage social connections.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: You've got to help your adolescent to build friendships outside the home through activities like sports, social clubs, or even volunteering.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: By developing positive friendships and learning how to act in different social environments, this will boost their self-confidence and provide them with the relationship skills they'll need for adult life.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: Parents, these are the actionable strategies and steps and state and suggestions that will help them to become independent, responsible, and to develop the mindset they'll need to launch confidently into adulthood.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, the goal here is to support them while gradually stepping back and allowing them to take the reins of their own lives.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: And do not underestimate the power of building your child's confidence.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: It plays a crucial role.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, if your adolescent is insecure and doesn't trust in their ability to make their own decisions, they will hesitate to take on responsibilities always.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: Feeling confident will allow them to trust their judgment, solve their own problems, and take ownership of their life.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's that confidence that will fuel their journey toward independence.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, progress takes time, but with your guidance, they will get there unless it's you that needs the confidence.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: But I want you to know you've got this, and so do they.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you found this episode to be valuable.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: There's so much more insightful advice and actionable steps coming your way that will help you guide your child to launch successfully into adulthood.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Sherry Jonas, and this is Launch.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: I hope today's episode gave you valuable insights and actionable steps that will help you guide your young adult to launch successfully into adulthood.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: If you found this topic helpful, feel free to leave a comment and hit the subscribe button so you never miss an episode.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: Leaving a five-star review helps us reach more parents who are dealing with the same issues.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: And if there's something you want to ask me, I invite you to join Launch Advice, my weekly publication where I answer one question from parents just like you.
• 14:22
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• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: Just click Launch Advice in the show notes and don't forget to email me your confidential question.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, no one ever said parenting is easy, especially when you're raising an adult.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: Talk to you soon.