Latest / Faithful Fitness With Coach Alex VanHouten / Mental Health Is Physical Health: What Every Parent Needs to Know

Transcript

Mental Health Is Physical Health: What Every Parent Needs to Know · Faithful Fitness With Coach Alex VanHouten

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hey, Faithful, Welcome to the Faithful Fitness Podcast. In a moment,
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: my dad, coach Alex van Houten, will help you honor
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  Speaker 1: God by making the most out of the body God's
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  Speaker 1: given you. Today you can expect truth from the Bible,
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  Speaker 1: tools from science, and guidance for everyday life. So listen closing,
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  Speaker 1: get ready, Let's get one percent better today.
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  Speaker 2: Hey there, coach Alex here, grace and peace to you.
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  Speaker 2: This conversation with doctor Stacy Haynes is one that every
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: parent needs to hear because we're talking about something that
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  Speaker 2: sounds simple, but most families are not really taught how
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  Speaker 2: to think about it. Mental health is physical health. That
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  Speaker 2: doesn't mean every problem could be fixed with a better breakfast,
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  Speaker 2: a walk around the block, or in earlier bedtime, but
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  Speaker 2: it does mean that sleep matters. In food matters, in
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  Speaker 2: movement matters, in screen time matters, rhythms matter, and when
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  Speaker 2: we ignore those things, especially with our kids, we can
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  Speaker 2: end up treating behavioral problems without ever asking what's happening
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  Speaker 2: in the body. Doctor Stacy brings such a helpful and
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  Speaker 2: gracious and even practical lens to this conversation. We talk
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  Speaker 2: about neurodivergent kids. We talk about autism, We talk about
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  Speaker 2: emotional regulation and food sensitivity, sleep and screen time, children's ministry,
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  Speaker 2: and what it looks like to build a family culture
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  Speaker 2: that helps our kids shine their light best. And I
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  Speaker 2: love that this episode is not about shame. It's not
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  Speaker 2: about looking at parents and saying, oh, you're doing it wrong.
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  Speaker 2: Parenting is hard, kids are complicated, Families are tired, and
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  Speaker 2: most of us are doing the best we can with
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  Speaker 2: what we know. But stewardship means that we keep learning.
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  Speaker 2: It means that we ask better questions, not just why
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  Speaker 2: is my child acting this way? But maybe something like
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  Speaker 2: is there something wrong with their sleep last night? What
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  Speaker 2: have they been eating lately? Have they moved their body?
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  Speaker 2: Is this room too loud? Are they dysregulated? Are we
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  Speaker 2: building rhythms that help our whole family live well? Because
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  Speaker 2: God didn't make us to be floating brains. He made
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  Speaker 2: us to be embodied people, and that includes our children.
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  Speaker 2: So as you listen to this episode, I want you
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  Speaker 2: to wrestle with this question. What is one family rhythm
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  Speaker 2: that we could strengthen this week that would help our
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  Speaker 2: household become healthier, calmer, and more faithful. I don't want
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  Speaker 2: you to change everything. I want you to change one
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  Speaker 2: thing better. Breakfast evening walks, a screen time boundary in
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  Speaker 2: earlier bedtime. One family practice that says, as for me
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  Speaker 2: and my house, we are going to steward what God
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  Speaker 2: has given us. In speaking of family rhythms, I want
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: to invite you to join us for our first ever
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  Speaker 2: faithful five K. Early bird pricing's over, but registration is
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  Speaker 2: still open, and one of the things I'm most excited
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  Speaker 2: about is our family five K option. This isn't just
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  Speaker 2: for runners, It's for families. It's for parents, kids, grandparents, friends,
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  Speaker 2: church groups, and anyone else who wants to take a
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  Speaker 2: real step toward health community in stewardship together. We already
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  Speaker 2: have so many families signed up for this five K,
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: and I want you and yours to join us. If
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  Speaker 2: you're local to Greenbrier, come join us in person. But
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: if you're not local, you can still join us virtually.
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  Speaker 2: Walk it, jog it, run it, bring the stroll or
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: bring the kids. Let's make it a family goal. The
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  Speaker 2: race is coming up in August, and I'd love to
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  Speaker 2: see your family take this step with ours. The links
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  Speaker 2: are in the show notes. All right, without further Ado.
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  Speaker 2: Let's get to this amazing conversation with doctor Stacy.
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  Speaker 3: What's up, guys.
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  Speaker 2: This is coach Alex VN Howton on the Faithful Fitness podcast.
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  Speaker 2: We help you make the most out of the body
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  Speaker 2: God's given you, and today I'm joined by a very
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  Speaker 2: special guest. I can't wait for this conversation. In fact,
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  Speaker 2: I've been waiting too long, it feels like. But I'm
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  Speaker 2: kind of impatient and neurodivergent myself, which is part of
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  Speaker 2: the conversation we're going to have today. I am with
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  Speaker 2: doctor Stacy Haines. Doctor Stacy, how you doing this morning?
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  Speaker 4: I'm doing great. I've also been waiting for this conversation
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  Speaker 4: and super excited to get into it.
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  Speaker 3: We have a lot to talk about.
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  Speaker 2: We're going to talk about how God made our bodies
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  Speaker 2: an embodied thing and how that affects our mental health.
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  Speaker 3: We're going to talk about your books.
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  Speaker 2: You have several and they're all very pertinent to children
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  Speaker 2: in parenting and families. But before I dive into that,
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  Speaker 2: I just want to ask a very simple but pointed question.
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  Speaker 2: In the intake form that we do prior to interviews,
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  Speaker 2: there was a statement that you made that I want
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  Speaker 2: to read. And I want to ask you what you
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  Speaker 2: mean by that. You said, I think every parent needs
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  Speaker 2: to hear this, that mental health is physical health.
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  Speaker 3: What do you mean by that?
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's a great starting point. One of the things
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  Speaker 4: that i'ven't been in practice for about twenty four years now,
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  Speaker 4: and I have learned that when families come in, I
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  Speaker 4: can't operate just on behavior. Right, it's a holistic process.
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  Speaker 4: It's saying, hey, if your child, for example, didn't sleep
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  Speaker 4: well last night, right, I know when I'm tired, I'm irritable.
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  Speaker 4: So that impacts behavior, that impacts what we see, and
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  Speaker 4: so looking at our physical wellness is a big part
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  Speaker 4: of what we do in holistic counseling and so and
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  Speaker 4: I love how you said the idea we're embodying all
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  Speaker 4: the areas of wellness. So I can't celebrate, you know,
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  Speaker 4: if your kid didn't have, you know, good sleep last night,
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  Speaker 4: and then now they're in a session with me and
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  Speaker 4: they're all over the place. I might ask hey, to
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  Speaker 4: sleep last night, did you eat today? What have you had?
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  Speaker 4: You know, angry is a thing. Hungry and angry it's real.
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  Speaker 4: So that physical wellness, though, is a part of even
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  Speaker 4: our assessment to see where we and that's where we start, right.
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  Speaker 4: We have to rule out some medical things to help
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  Speaker 4: to make sure that we are treating medical things as
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  Speaker 4: they should, because medical things sometimes come up as emotional
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  Speaker 4: and behavioral concerns for children and families.
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  Speaker 2: Man, this is going to be a good conversation. I'm
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  Speaker 2: so stoked, Like this is the things we had to learn.
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  Speaker 3: My wife and I in.
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  Speaker 2: The School of Hard Knocks, yes, which is a dietitian
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  Speaker 2: and I'm a master trainer, and so we think like
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  Speaker 2: that already. But it's so wild how disconnected a parent
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  Speaker 2: can be while they're trying to do right by their child,
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  Speaker 2: but not understanding that there are so many factors that
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  Speaker 2: incorporate into the mental health that is physical health.
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  Speaker 3: Man, this is going to be good. I'm stoked.
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  Speaker 2: So I want to make sure I get to introduce
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  Speaker 2: you to our audience today. We're talking to doctor Stacy Haynes.
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  Speaker 2: She's a licensed professional counselor. She's an educator, speaker, and
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  Speaker 2: a ministry leader. She's an author of several books. The
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  Speaker 2: three that we're going to talk about today are The
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  Speaker 2: Powerful Peaceful Parenting, The I'm a ViBe's Kid, which is
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  Speaker 2: pretty cool and loving our babies well, and she has
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  Speaker 2: over twenty five years of experience and mental health and
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  Speaker 2: helping families to well, not just coexist, but to thrive together.
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  Speaker 2: Doctor Stacy, thanks so much for joining us today. I'm
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  Speaker 2: excited about this conversation.
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  Speaker 4: Me too, I'm super excited.
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  Speaker 2: I want to make sure our listeners understand this. This
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  Speaker 2: conversation is not about replacing counseling or diagnosis, or medication
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  Speaker 2: or professional care with just eat better and exercise. There
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  Speaker 2: are plenty of those podcasts out in the world, and
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  Speaker 2: I don't want this to be one of them. This
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  Speaker 2: is about how we understand the habits of our household,
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  Speaker 2: found faith and how we take care of our bodies,
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  Speaker 2: how the rhythms of our household work, and how that's
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  Speaker 2: all a part of the healing and the formation process.
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  Speaker 2: So as we as we get into this conversation, I
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  Speaker 2: just want to ask, how did you get involved in
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  Speaker 2: counseling and how did you get involved in ministry?
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  Speaker 4: Sure, well, for me counseling it's interesting. I knew I
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  Speaker 4: always wanted to work with children, and so I said,
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  Speaker 4: I can't be an educator. Though that's a long day.
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  Speaker 4: I wanted to actually be a pediatrician. I was like, oh,
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  Speaker 4: you'll be in school too long, and so I landed
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  Speaker 4: on working with children in the counseling space. And I
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  Speaker 4: still ended up going to school for a really long time.
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  Speaker 4: But that's okay. But the idea of really supporting children
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  Speaker 4: in my world has been personal as well. My brother
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  Speaker 4: suffered with ADHD growing up and made a lot of
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  Speaker 4: poor choices. My family didn't have resources, really didn't know
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  Speaker 4: how to help, and so I really said, as a professional,
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  Speaker 4: how can I heal and help other people right in
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  Speaker 4: this process? And then industry, We always grew up in church.
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  Speaker 4: We were a family there. My parents sent us even
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  Speaker 4: if they didn't go. And so I'm a Liberty University grad,
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  Speaker 4: so shout out to Liberty. But I also tell folks
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  Speaker 4: that it the foundation of the work that I do,
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  Speaker 4: and so therapy, although in some lanes it's separate, the
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  Speaker 4: foundation as a person for me is faith is my foundation.
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  Speaker 4: So when I say faith, love and wellness, faith is
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  Speaker 4: the foundation. Love is that connection and then wellness is
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  Speaker 4: about the daily practice. And so that's what I teach
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  Speaker 4: families as well.
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  Speaker 3: I love it.
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  Speaker 2: I love it, and so specifically the ministry that you're
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  Speaker 2: a part of is children's ministry.
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  Speaker 3: Is that correct?
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  Speaker 4: Yes, I'm a children's pastor, so I tell people I
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  Speaker 4: get to put all of my hats on, which is
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  Speaker 4: so cool on Sunday morning. So I have been in
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  Speaker 4: children's ministry for about six or seven years in the
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  Speaker 4: role of a children's pastor, and I oversee our next
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  Speaker 4: gen team at the current church and at Christ Wesleyan
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  Speaker 4: Church in green for North Carolina. And so I oversee
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  Speaker 4: our next gen which is our young adults, our youth,
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  Speaker 4: and then also our kids ministry.
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  Speaker 2: So that's such a big job. Thank you for what
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  Speaker 2: you do. From from one children's faster to another. What's
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  Speaker 2: cool is and this isn't really in my notes to
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  Speaker 2: talk about today, but I love your thoughts. I think
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  Speaker 2: about children's ministry on this on this, it's not really
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  Speaker 2: a spectrum. It's more like a I think of it
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  Speaker 2: like a like a shell, like a seashell. It kind
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  Speaker 2: of starts in the center and kind of works its
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  Speaker 2: way out and gets wider with infants all the way
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  Speaker 2: up to this kind of first grade ish. I think
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  Speaker 2: of that as mending the soil. And then I think
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  Speaker 2: of the first through fifth grade time frame, just before
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  Speaker 2: adolescence hits. I think of this as planting seeds and
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  Speaker 2: then we have you know, middle school to high school,
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  Speaker 2: that that phase of life and hopefully children coming to
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  Speaker 2: a knowledge and understanding of Christ and becoming baptized and
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  Speaker 2: making a decision to walk that path in their life,
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  Speaker 2: even though they have no idea what they're getting themselves
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  Speaker 2: into that they that they we create the space to
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  Speaker 2: grow in Children's ministry, we water it and God brings
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  Speaker 2: the growth, right and then hopefully but the young adulthood
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  Speaker 2: and whatnot, we get to see some fruits from that endeavor.
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  Speaker 2: That's how I tend to think of Children's ministry from
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  Speaker 2: a big picture perspective. Is that similar to how you
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  Speaker 2: think of it or what's your thoughts on the continuation
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  Speaker 2: of that generational process?
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, and you're spot on right. So one of the
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  Speaker 4: things I talked to my volunteers always about is that
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  Speaker 4: we are planning that seed right, that first touch. And
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  Speaker 4: so I also believe in trauma informed ministry and the
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  Speaker 4: fact that one volunteer and mentor can be that one
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  Speaker 4: person in that kid's life that makes a difference. Right,
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  Speaker 4: We can't assume what backgrounds and where our children come from,
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  Speaker 4: even in great, great churches, right and good communities. But
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  Speaker 4: really the idea of saying, when we look at positive
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  Speaker 4: childhood experiences, church can be that for our families. And
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  Speaker 4: so we know and kind of in the trauma world,
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  Speaker 4: and we'll link this together here in the trauma world,
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  Speaker 4: we say, when kids have adverse childhood experiences, we know
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  Speaker 4: that shapes their lives right, and so have higher risks
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  Speaker 4: of depression, higher risks of difficulty as adults. But if
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  Speaker 4: we have positive childhood experiences like church, then our kids
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  Speaker 4: can thrive. And so part of that is children's ministry.
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  Speaker 4: It's it's oftentimes that kids first experience right with faith,
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  Speaker 4: with religion, with God, with like what does this Christianity
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  Speaker 4: thing mean? And so I think it's important for us, yes,
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  Speaker 4: to groom them at the level that they are, right,
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  Speaker 4: So those different kind of missions at each stage and development,
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  Speaker 4: but recognizing those development stages are important even as their
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  Speaker 4: spiritual growth.
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  Speaker 2: So yes, h well said, I love that, and that's
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  Speaker 2: that's a deep part of my heart too. I'm a
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  Speaker 2: nine out of ten on that a score personally. But
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  Speaker 2: growing up in church and also my church was kind
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: of strange we were. We were in a kickboxing school,
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  Speaker 2: so we like used the kickboxing school as as like
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  Speaker 2: a piece of the There's all kinds of funny jokes
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  Speaker 2: you can make out of out of that, how do
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  Speaker 2: you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it?
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  Speaker 2: I guess that's how do you evangelize. You just beat
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  Speaker 2: them till they accept Jesus. We didn't do that jokes aside,
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  Speaker 2: but but those those were very positive and anchering for me.
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  Speaker 2: And in the same way, I seek to make sure
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  Speaker 2: that that our children's ministry is that way for our kids.
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  Speaker 3: And it sounds like you do the same, yea. So
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  Speaker 3: I have to ask.
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  Speaker 2: About where your heart for children with autism came from.
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  Speaker 2: So I appreciate the story about about what your brother
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  Speaker 2: wrestled with, but why specifically autism in your professional work
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  Speaker 2: and in your authorship.
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  Speaker 4: So it's interesting. I had a family come in and
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  Speaker 4: at the time, I probably was working with children for
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  Speaker 4: about ten years with different diagnoses, and I would always say, Nope,
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  Speaker 4: I don't do autism right because I was told in
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  Speaker 4: graduate school you had to be ABA trained, you had
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  Speaker 4: to be a specialist in there, stay away from it.
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  Speaker 4: And this family said to me, no, no, we understand,
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  Speaker 4: we have the autism under control. We want you to
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  Speaker 4: work with everything else that our kiddo is displaying. And
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  Speaker 4: I said, huh okay, and so that kind of and
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  Speaker 4: so in working with this family, they really changed my
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  Speaker 4: perspective and he would be At that time it was
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  Speaker 4: as Berger's right now, well all of it right now
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  Speaker 4: is autism, maybe level one. And I really began to
• 14:35
  Speaker 4: grow as a clinician working with this family. And then
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  Speaker 4: a few years after that, my own nephew, my sister's child,
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  Speaker 4: was diagnosed with autism, and I actually was one of
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  Speaker 4: the first people to kind of bring it to her attention,
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  Speaker 4: to say, hey, he's not answering to his name, he's
• 14:50
  Speaker 4: not you know, his facial expressions. I think there's some
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  Speaker 4: concern here. And so for me then it really became personal.
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  Speaker 4: Right I've walked alongside to tell people, I wear the
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  Speaker 4: hat as a therapist when it comes to the autistic community,
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  Speaker 4: but I also wear the hat as a family member
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  Speaker 4: and sitting alongside my sister in you know, IP meetings
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  Speaker 4: and in school meetings and trying to get things put
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  Speaker 4: in place for him. And so that's really where my
• 15:14
  Speaker 4: love for nowada vigent children have really come into play now.
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: I think that's such an important People are scared of labels.
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: I don't like being scared of labels. I think that
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  Speaker 2: it's extremely useful and it's actually been a biblical idea
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: to name the thing you're dealing with that that helps
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: us to tell the truth. It could carry its own
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: stigma if we let that be a sentence over our lives,
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: but I don't think that's necessarily the case. I'm curious
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  Speaker 2: how you approach this as a clinician, because if I
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: were to say my child is autistic for that, there's
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: a lot of a lot of baggage around that. In fact,
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: there are some individuals who would much rather say something
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: like I have cancer.
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  Speaker 3: That would be easier to deal with.
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  Speaker 2: Right, So, as a clinician, in two parents listening and
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: then also maybe friends and family members listening, how do
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: we both intelligently use labels that are wise and discerning
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: without bringing any stigmas into those things for the best,
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: for the best of the person we're talking about.
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  Speaker 4: So, Coach Ale's one of the things I start with
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  Speaker 4: families is I try to normalize what we're seeing. So
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  Speaker 4: in the world of mental health. Right now, one in
• 16:30
  Speaker 4: six children have some type of neurodivergent or disability or
• 16:35
  Speaker 4: mental health condition, right So that's one in six. So
• 16:38
  Speaker 4: the classroom teacher that used to only have one now
• 16:42
  Speaker 4: has about six kiddos in their classroom that has sometimes
• 16:45
  Speaker 4: of difference. Labels help because here's what happens. If I
• 16:50
  Speaker 4: say to you, this kiddo is ADHD versus this kid
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  Speaker 4: is autistic, you automatically have a different view of that
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  Speaker 4: child based on that label. I tell peers, we have
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  Speaker 4: to release the fear twenty years ago that caused a
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  Speaker 4: lot of fear, and it distill does parents. There's almost
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  Speaker 4: this grief that happens, right they say, oh, my goodness,
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  Speaker 4: now I have this diagnosis, I have this label now
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  Speaker 4: and what And I encourage people even with like my books,
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  Speaker 4: my resources, the things that I've created, but also there
• 17:18
  Speaker 4: are other therapists. There's so much information and knowledge out
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  Speaker 4: there to say we can support and there's things that
• 17:25
  Speaker 4: we can do, and that your child at the heart
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  Speaker 4: of it. I say to folks, your child was designed
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  Speaker 4: the way they are by God, and we have to
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  Speaker 4: believe that, and we have to say, what's the strength
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  Speaker 4: in this diagnosis, what's the strength? There are so many
• 17:37
  Speaker 4: strengths and autistic individuals that we often don't think about.
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  Speaker 3: Right.
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  Speaker 4: Even their attention to detail is a beautiful thing, but
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  Speaker 4: that becomes even one hand. Talking to parents about their fear,
• 17:50
  Speaker 4: usually it's the fear of the unknown, what will life
• 17:52
  Speaker 4: look like? Oftentimes with that diagnosis, actually explaining to them
• 17:57
  Speaker 4: that we have more supports when we have the correct
• 17:59
  Speaker 4: diagnos at treatment, we have better treatment when we have
• 18:03
  Speaker 4: the right diagnosis. Because if I say, like I'm thinking
• 18:06
  Speaker 4: about to the physical, I have a young person in
• 18:08
  Speaker 4: front of me, and the minute you say autistic, I'm
• 18:10
  Speaker 4: going to go physically to their gut, I'm going to
• 18:12
  Speaker 4: go to their sleep, I'm going to go to their diet.
• 18:15
  Speaker 4: I'm going to go to their exercise. Even as a
• 18:17
  Speaker 4: mental health clinician, that diagnosis or label even helps to
• 18:23
  Speaker 4: guide the treatment because we know so much about individuals
• 18:27
  Speaker 4: and children with that label.
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: That's so well said, that's so well said, and I
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: do want to talk about that because so I have
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: a label.
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: My label is eelers dan los.
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: That's not necessarily a mental label, but it's a genetic disorder.
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: It's something that exists within me that's not going anywhere right,
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: and I have to have to wrestle with you know, why,
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: why would God make me go through this blow? And
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: I've done that work and I've talked about it elsewhere,
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: so I don't I don't want to rehash it here.
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: But something that's very true about my journey has been
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: how I make the most out of what God has
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: given me. And in so many ways this has become
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: an important blessing in my life. It's made me intentional
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: about things that many people aren't intentional about. It's maybe
• 19:10
  Speaker 2: grateful for things that many people take for granted. And
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: through my journey, I've been able to help so many
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: individuals through their own maybe not genetic disorders, but through
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: their own issues that they've wrestled with as obstacles in
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: their body, to make the most out of the body
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: God's given them. And I feel similarly in your spirit
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: toward neurodivergent individuals to say, hey, I want you to
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: know what you're wrestling with, whether it's the individual or
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: the parents who are trying to help help that person,
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: and then to say we're going to make the most
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: of this and to help you understand yourself, to help
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: you know what things are impactful and maybe you're way
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: more sensitive to than other people. And once we understand
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: those things, we can give you the best opportunity to
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: take what God's given you and make the most of it.
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: And so so I'd like to ask how, how when
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: I'm working with a child, what are the physical, emotional,
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: and maybe behavioral things that that kee me into the
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: idea that something needs to change. In the sleep something
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: needs to change, and the activity something needs to change.
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: In nutrition.
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: Because for somebody who's not neurodivergent, maybe there's no difference
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: in my behavior or my emotional I might get irritable
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: if I'm hungry or whatever, but I'm not going to
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: throw myself in the floor and scream about it like
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: it's just I feel weird today, Right, But for a
• 20:41
  Speaker 2: neurodivergent individual, especially a child who doesn't quite have all
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: the other faculties of the mind to rain the stuff in.
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: What are some of the ways that these I would say,
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: lapses in rhythm, How do they show up?
• 20:57
  Speaker 4: Yeah? And that's exactly what it is. Right, So we
• 20:59
  Speaker 4: talk about dysregulation, right, and this is huge in the
• 21:02
  Speaker 4: neuddivergent autistic community. When we're disregulated. So one thing to
• 21:07
  Speaker 4: educate folks around is neurodivergent people are sensitive, not that
• 21:12
  Speaker 4: we think of sensory sensitivity of just like sound, but
• 21:15
  Speaker 4: they're very sensitive even when it comes to tone of voice,
• 21:18
  Speaker 4: facial expression. They're sensitive if they're hungry, right, so right,
• 21:23
  Speaker 4: we might have those meltdowns, we might have disrespect kind
• 21:26
  Speaker 4: of communication when they're upset and irritable. I always say,
• 21:28
  Speaker 4: the tone of voice will go up when we look
• 21:31
  Speaker 4: at perception. Their perception also guides how they communicate, and
• 21:36
  Speaker 4: so there are so many moments when we're feeling disrected.
• 21:40
  Speaker 4: They could shut down, right, the ones that are hiding
• 21:43
  Speaker 4: under the desk escapes. A lot of times we'll see
• 21:45
  Speaker 4: autistic students, especially even on Sunday morning, the music gets
• 21:48
  Speaker 4: too loud and they're running out of the room, right. So,
• 21:51
  Speaker 4: and I know we'll talk about children's ministry, but that's
• 21:53
  Speaker 4: one thing we've had to be aware of even in ministry,
• 21:57
  Speaker 4: is that this isn't a child being bad. This could
• 22:00
  Speaker 4: be a child that's disregulated right now and needs some
• 22:03
  Speaker 4: type of sensory support to help manage. And so we
• 22:06
  Speaker 4: see the shuts down, the shutdown, the fight or flight.
• 22:09
  Speaker 4: We see kiddos that will cry, right like you said,
• 22:12
  Speaker 4: even the idea of meltdowns and crying or going silent
• 22:15
  Speaker 4: and not communicating is what we see as well. So
• 22:18
  Speaker 4: every and we say, in the world, every student who's
• 22:21
  Speaker 4: onto autism, on the autism spectrum, they are an individual,
• 22:25
  Speaker 4: and so you could have individual differences and responses, but
• 22:29
  Speaker 4: I can tell you that there's kind of a baseline
• 22:31
  Speaker 4: even as we start to look at diagnosis and as
• 22:33
  Speaker 4: we start to look at managing those symptoms and behaviors
• 22:36
  Speaker 4: and how it shows up. And anxiety is really huge
• 22:40
  Speaker 4: in the autistic community. And so I say to folks,
• 22:42
  Speaker 4: anxiety sometimes comes out as anger. And so even the
• 22:46
  Speaker 4: idea of saying we might be, you know, instead of
• 22:48
  Speaker 4: anger management, we really might need to be doing some
• 22:51
  Speaker 4: anxiety management to help regulate that child.
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: M H.
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: And I don't know the neuroscience here specifically, but so
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: let's say I feed my not neurodivergent child a honeybun
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: for breakfast, which I wouldn't because in my house we
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: don't do honey buns for breakfast. But let's say I
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: feed my child a honeybuon for breakfast. In my non
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: neurodivergent child, what's going to happen is his blood sugar
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: is going to spike. It's going to plummet within the
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: next thirty minutes or so. He's going to be hungry again.
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: And in that process, he might exhibit some signs of
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: high blood sugar, which is, you know, kind of manic energy,
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: increased heart rate. He might be bouncing off the walls,
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: as we would say, you know.
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: A little hyperactive.
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: And then in the crash, he's going to be sullen,
• 23:42
  Speaker 2: maybe a little angry, maybe tired. He might get a headache, right,
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: and that's in a child who doesn't have issues with regulation.
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: What does what does that process look like for a
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: neurodivergent child if they start their day off with a
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: buttload of sugar, whether because of the parental decision, their decision,
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: or even the school, what does their day look like
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: in that thirty to sixty minutes following a blood sugar
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: dysregulation a huge crash.
• 24:14
  Speaker 4: So what you just described now at this is what
• 24:17
  Speaker 4: we're going to add for the neurodivergent child. Everything else
• 24:20
  Speaker 4: sounds similar.
• 24:20
  Speaker 3: Now.
• 24:21
  Speaker 4: What we have though, is our inter reception, So our
• 24:24
  Speaker 4: internal when I talk about gut health, right, So oftentimes
• 24:27
  Speaker 4: autistic people are really sensitive to what's happening in that
• 24:31
  Speaker 4: gut system, and then they're intestine. So oftentimes we'll hear
• 24:33
  Speaker 4: things like they have constipation, they have difficulty with bowel movements,
• 24:37
  Speaker 4: when their stomach hurts, they get moody and angry and upset.
• 24:40
  Speaker 4: So all of those things, those sugar spikes and all that,
• 24:43
  Speaker 4: they're feeling that even from a physical perspective with a
• 24:47
  Speaker 4: higher level of sensitivity. Often and so by the time
• 24:51
  Speaker 4: they get to school, right because they've had the honeybun
• 24:53
  Speaker 4: at home, they get to school, now they're escaping from
• 24:56
  Speaker 4: the classroom, they're getting dysregulated, they're hungry again, and hunger,
• 25:00
  Speaker 4: I know, starts that whole internal feeling that now I'm
• 25:02
  Speaker 4: more sensitive and I feel disruptive. And oftentimes in the
• 25:06
  Speaker 4: morning we'll hear autistic students say things like my stomach hurts,
• 25:10
  Speaker 4: my head hurts, Like there's that physiological response and physical
• 25:14
  Speaker 4: response that they have to also feeling the anxiety. Right,
• 25:19
  Speaker 4: So I always say, it goes straight to the gut.
• 25:21
  Speaker 4: So part of our strategy with families is actually looking
• 25:25
  Speaker 4: at what they eat for breakfast, absolutely managing that food,
• 25:28
  Speaker 4: intake protein, lots of water, and then also looking at
• 25:33
  Speaker 4: that throughout the day. I've had students when we've kind
• 25:36
  Speaker 4: of mapped out where they're having the hardest moments, it's
• 25:39
  Speaker 4: because they were hungry right before lunch, and so the
• 25:41
  Speaker 4: pe kind of say, hey, can we go to the
• 25:43
  Speaker 4: nurse and get a snack and we'd put that in
• 25:45
  Speaker 4: their ip and if they couldn't have it like in class,
• 25:48
  Speaker 4: based on the teachers, and we put it as an
• 25:49
  Speaker 4: accommodation because what we're doing in that moment is right managing.
• 25:54
  Speaker 4: But we do a lot around and I always tell
• 25:57
  Speaker 4: people the red dye people had it right. There's something
• 26:00
  Speaker 4: about food right, and we have to pay attention to
• 26:03
  Speaker 4: the nutrients and what's in the food that we give our.
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: Kids mm hmm. And it makes a significant difference.
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: I shared with you, you know, pre show in working
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: with children and children's ministry, I had no prior experience
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: with what I would say as and this is my
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: non clinical way of thinking about it, and this is
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: how I explain it to my friends in children's ministry.
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: I had no experience with kids whose brains work a
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: little different, and that's that's.
• 26:33
  Speaker 3: What I'll tell my even my sons.
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: I have a ten year old and a seven year old,
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: and they'll say, why did he do that? I'm like, well,
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: his brain works a little different, because that's that's about
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: the level that they're able to understand that that there's
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: nothing wrong with this person as a person, but the
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: way their brain processes things is different from the way
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: your brain processes things. And so so it's very very
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: useful for me to think of it that way, as
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: well as the kids Inn's ministry. And so I have
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: a I have a friend who comes to our church,
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: and I know that how he is going to behave,
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: how he's going to show up can be the bright
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: side or the dark side of his personality, and that
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: it's extremely dependent on whether or not he got good
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: sleep last night, whether or not he's had great breakfast
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: this morning.
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: And I didn't know these things.
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: I didn't know these things before, but I remember, I
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: remember distinctly he had a great Sunday. Oh my gosh,
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: he he was rattling off books of the Bible. He
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: found a spot. He even got up and helped some
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: other kids find their place in the Bible, which is
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: a really big deal for where this kiddo started some
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: years ago with us, and it was wonderful. And then
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: the next Sunday he comes walking up to me, Hey,
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: mister Alex. Gives me a hug, and he's got a
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: honeybut in his hand, and I'm looking at him like,
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: and he's got it all over his space too, like
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: he's been in this honeybun like and and I'm looking
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: at this poor kid, and I'm thinking.
• 28:07
  Speaker 3: This is going to be a rough hour. And it was.
• 28:12
  Speaker 3: He he could not hang.
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: We ended up building legos in the hallway because because
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: there was no there was no like dealing with with
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: the normal room, right and so and so I say
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: all this to say that that as we're talking, a
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: listener might hear, oh, wow, you know, kids today they
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: just have to have their cushy.
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: Environment blah blah blah.
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: And in in what what I want listeners to understand
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: is is we're not talking about coddling or babying here.
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: We're we're talking about something that's actually applicable to all
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: of us, which is when when we are a good
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: steward of our body and by proxy, when we're a
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: good steward of our children's bodies, we teach them how
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: to feed themselves. Well, we teach them how to move
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: when they haven't been moving too much, or how to
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: rest on a normal circadian rhythm like humans should when
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: we teach, When we teach those rhythms, when we teach
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: those habits, it gives us an opportunity to shine our
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: light best. And what we're talking about here is not
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: necessarily coddling a generation. We're talking about how we help
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: individuals shine their light best. And so I want to know,
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: from your perspective as a clinician, how do you how
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: do you approach families with this? Because it's very hard
• 29:36
  Speaker 2: to look at a mom who just brought her like
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: and I mean, she probably did everything she could to
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: get everybody to church today and handed their kid a
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: honeybuton because they didn't get you know, they didn't get
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: food on the way.
• 29:46
  Speaker 3: You know, here you go.
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: How how do you approach families with this? Because it's
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: hard to say it's your fault, your goofball kid can't
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: sit still this hour and you need to go to
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: a nutrition class, like come on, man, how to And
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: obviously that's not what I said, But how do you
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: approach families with this? Because because there's an element of responsibility,
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: an agency that we can have here, but there's also
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: an element of shame and guilt that I you know,
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: families who are struggling with how to wrap their head
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: around a child whose brain works differently and stuff. I
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: don't want to cast that on them either. So how
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: do you approach families with this idea and help them
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: to understand, Hey, there are some things we can do
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: to help your child shine their light more.
• 30:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah, And you know, I think it's great because I
• 30:33
  Speaker 4: can answer it from two hats. So the mental health
• 30:35
  Speaker 4: therapist in me it is, you know, it's the same family,
• 30:38
  Speaker 4: and again even that same hour with that child can
• 30:41
  Speaker 4: be difficult based on you know, what they're eating as
• 30:43
  Speaker 4: they come in the door rushing after school for their appointment.
• 30:46
  Speaker 4: And sometimes so I'll have that conversation with families, but
• 30:49
  Speaker 4: this is what I'll say, have you ever noticed a
• 30:52
  Speaker 4: difference in their behavior based on what they've had to
• 30:55
  Speaker 4: eat for the day? So asking them that question gets
• 31:00
  Speaker 4: them to kind of think, huh, let me notice. And
• 31:03
  Speaker 4: so sometimes we'll do a food log because one of
• 31:05
  Speaker 4: the things we know with nower divergent children is there
• 31:07
  Speaker 4: is a food sensitivity right, and so certain foods. So
• 31:11
  Speaker 4: in the ministry aspect, I will do the same thing,
• 31:14
  Speaker 4: but I'll say, you know what I noticed last week
• 31:15
  Speaker 4: he had such a great week. What did you guys
• 31:17
  Speaker 4: have to eat last week compared to this week? And
• 31:20
  Speaker 4: again it's helping them to be the detectives of what's
• 31:24
  Speaker 4: working well because instead of focusing on he had a
• 31:27
  Speaker 4: bad Sunday. Right again, Notice I did that difference last
• 31:30
  Speaker 4: week was so good? What was going on last week
• 31:33
  Speaker 4: that really helped him to do well? Did he get sleep?
• 31:36
  Speaker 4: Did he eat? Okay? Great, Maybe let's try that next week.
• 31:39
  Speaker 4: Because one of our things, and I was as a
• 31:41
  Speaker 4: children's pastor, I always say to folks, you don't get
• 31:44
  Speaker 4: a parent before you've gotten me, like I am to
• 31:46
  Speaker 4: be the first person you call. You don't text their number,
• 31:49
  Speaker 4: you don't put their number on the screen, You don't
• 31:50
  Speaker 4: do any of that until you've called me, so that
• 31:53
  Speaker 4: I can come in and assess and see what we
• 31:55
  Speaker 4: might need to change. Because sometimes it's environmental stuff in
• 31:57
  Speaker 4: our space. Sometimes it's my volunteer of the day that
• 32:00
  Speaker 4: also disregulates, and sometimes it is the food that we've had.
• 32:03
  Speaker 4: And so I may even offer them a snack. I
• 32:05
  Speaker 4: always have water and some type of snack as part
• 32:09
  Speaker 4: of even our programming, but we also have extra snacks
• 32:12
  Speaker 4: on hand, because that's one of the things I've said. Again,
• 32:14
  Speaker 4: even with them being hungry, sometimes we know in the
• 32:17
  Speaker 4: neurodivergent field, there's also again with that gut health where
• 32:21
  Speaker 4: they're not able oftentimes to have a stop when it
• 32:24
  Speaker 4: comes to eating, and so they could say I'm still hungry,
• 32:27
  Speaker 4: and so even to deny a snack during our service,
• 32:30
  Speaker 4: we're like, no, we have another snack. Here you go.
• 32:33
  Speaker 4: And so being able to get and even see and
• 32:35
  Speaker 4: I love how you said earlier the legos because we
• 32:38
  Speaker 4: may have to even go to the sensory activities and
• 32:42
  Speaker 4: things that they love, but there has to be a
• 32:44
  Speaker 4: sensitivity to say I'm here to help you and I'm
• 32:46
  Speaker 4: here to support you. Obviously I can come a little
• 32:48
  Speaker 4: bit differently because most people in my church and congregation
• 32:51
  Speaker 4: know that I wear the therapist hat as well, and
• 32:55
  Speaker 4: so they're usually like, oh my gosh, yeah, I didn't
• 32:57
  Speaker 4: think about what we had last week to eat, Like yeah,
• 32:59
  Speaker 4: let me think about that, and yeah and again, and
• 33:02
  Speaker 4: I never say he had a terrible day, but I'm
• 33:04
  Speaker 4: just like, yeah, last week was better, Like.
• 33:08
  Speaker 3: Right right. I appreciate that so much.
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: And there was a there's actually an interesting thing happening
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: in the developmental psychology world at the moment with regard
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: to the idea of resilience. And I'm not sure. I
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: imagine you're probably just as nerdy as I am. And
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: you like to read lots of research in your downtime. Yep,
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: your lap says it all okay, perfect, So who else
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: is reading this journal?
• 33:34
  Speaker 3: That would be me.
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: But there was some Swedish researchers recently who made the
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: observation that resilience is actually more of a default thing,
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: not a special gift. So I used to think of
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: resilience as something some people had and some people didn't,
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: and it would be nice if everybody had it, right,
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: But the idea that that most of the human population,
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: regardless of whether things are going great, regardless of whether
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: things are going terribly, it it's built right into us
• 34:01
  Speaker 2: to be resilience. It's actually a gift that God gave us.
• 34:04
  Speaker 2: But there's types of resilience. And so I loved this metaphor,
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: and I was curious what you thought about it. The
• 34:09
  Speaker 2: Swedish researchers classified children as dandelions or orchids. Dandelion is
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: a flower that grows anywhere. It's sort of like springing
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: up on my sidewalk right now with a crack. It
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: doesn't even have enough water. This is whatever like and
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: it's probably even out of season, like, it's just here
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: is dandelion. These are the kids that grow anywhere. They're
• 34:29
  Speaker 2: just gonna They're just gonna grow. It doesn't matter whether
• 34:32
  Speaker 2: they got the right breakfast this morning. It doesn't matter
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: if all of the things in their household are are
• 34:38
  Speaker 2: devastated at the moment, right, They're just they're just gonna
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: do that thing right.
• 34:43
  Speaker 3: That's resilience.
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: It's a type of resilience and it's there right And
• 34:46
  Speaker 2: then there there are the children, the sweetest. Researchers classified
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: us as orchids. They are beautiful and resilient in their
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: own right. However, an orchid is very sensitive to its environment,
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: and orkid needs a particular type of food food. The
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: soil needs to be at a certain moisture level, It
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: requires a certain amount of sun, not too much, not
• 35:05
  Speaker 2: too little, right a certain temperature, and that plant in
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: and of itself, if given all those things, grows beautifully.
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: It's resilient in a very powerful way as long as
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: the conditions, environmental conditions are right. And so it seems
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: to me that this is one of the things we're
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: talking about here, is that is that when I talk
• 35:26
  Speaker 2: about a child whose brain works a little different, the
• 35:30
  Speaker 2: resilience that they display when given the right given the
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: right ingredients in their environment, the resilience that they're displayed,
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: it's just beautiful. There's a certain thing that's in them
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: that I'm so grateful they get to teach me about
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: love and grace and truth. And I can bring some
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: examples if some chicken soup for the soul is appropriate.
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: But at the same time, it doesn't do us any
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: good to be annoyed at the orchids for not being dandelions.
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: Like to recognize that both of those things are are
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: powerful and important, and that God made both of those
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: kids that way. Are you familiar with this research or
• 36:05
  Speaker 2: does this metaphor ring true to you?
• 36:08
  Speaker 4: Well, I'm not familiar with the research, but it's interesting
• 36:11
  Speaker 4: because when you said the dandelione in orchid, I also
• 36:14
  Speaker 4: went a different way with it, and then you just
• 36:15
  Speaker 4: explained it so I love it because I was thinking,
• 36:17
  Speaker 4: the dandelione is the little thing that when you blow,
• 36:19
  Speaker 4: all the little things fly off, right. So I was
• 36:23
  Speaker 4: thinking though, but when the wind blows, right, so whether
• 36:26
  Speaker 4: this kid can stand or not, the orchd definitely right,
• 36:29
  Speaker 4: still sensitive, but it's not going to fall apart.
• 36:31
  Speaker 3: As much as Yeah, that's funny. I like that.
• 36:35
  Speaker 4: That's the other thing that I thought of. But yes,
• 36:37
  Speaker 4: the metaphor is so true, and this I think speaks
• 36:39
  Speaker 4: volumes to environmental wellness. Right, what does that orchard need
• 36:43
  Speaker 4: in order to thrive? Right? Where the dandelion, right can
• 36:46
  Speaker 4: go rough and tough. And so I think of the
• 36:48
  Speaker 4: dandelion in the context of the metaphor, is that's the
• 36:51
  Speaker 4: kid that can come in, for example, the Children's ministry
• 36:53
  Speaker 4: come in on Sunday morning, whatever you got going on,
• 36:56
  Speaker 4: they're good. However, that orchard kid or minority diversion kids
• 37:01
  Speaker 4: need certain temperature, right, we don't even think about the
• 37:04
  Speaker 4: temperature of in our rooms sometimes right from an environmental
• 37:06
  Speaker 4: wellness perspective, right, we already talked about that physical illness
• 37:09
  Speaker 4: with food and sleep and those kind of things, but
• 37:12
  Speaker 4: even thinking about environmental the sound right, the other kids
• 37:16
  Speaker 4: in the room and the other kids are too loud?
• 37:17
  Speaker 4: What does that do for dysregulation? So I think the
• 37:21
  Speaker 4: metaphor is beautiful because it also I always tell families,
• 37:25
  Speaker 4: you could have four children, right, and a family, and
• 37:27
  Speaker 4: each of them are going to have different needs and
• 37:29
  Speaker 4: we have to recognize that, right, you can't parent them
• 37:32
  Speaker 4: the same, and that is fair, right, parents will be well,
• 37:34
  Speaker 4: that's no, it is absolutely fair. When I think about,
• 37:38
  Speaker 4: you know, the twelve disciples, Jesus didn't treat all of
• 37:40
  Speaker 4: them the same necessarily, and each one got what they needed,
• 37:43
  Speaker 4: even in walking alongside him, right, And so there's definitely
• 37:47
  Speaker 4: this beauty and recognizing what our children need to grow
• 37:51
  Speaker 4: and that might look different.
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, So I think of the Commandment of the Sabbath
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: changing gears, but on the same topic, right, the Commandment
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: of the Sabbath, it's you know, Jesus actually went against
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: the Pharisees and said, guys, guys, like you've made this
• 38:08
  Speaker 2: stringent law around what you can and can't do. Man
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: wasn't made for the Sabbath. The Sabbath was made for man.
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: He's like, God doesn't need to rest on the seventh day.
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: He did that to establish a rhythm for you, like
• 38:20
  Speaker 2: this is this is a thing you need. You need
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: to rest and recover and to take a break from
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: your work and enjoy the fruit of your labor and
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: sleep in now and then like it's a it's a thing,
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: and the idea of it being a law every seven
• 38:36
  Speaker 2: days is the idea of a rhythm to things. And
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: that's that's true. In nutrition, that's true. And exercise we
• 38:44
  Speaker 2: talk about periodization and the exercise science word. You can't
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: just do five hundred push ups a day and expect oh,
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: that's going to be great for me, Like eventually your
• 38:51
  Speaker 2: shoulders break down. You need work and then rest, and
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: then work and then rest. So when it comes to
• 38:58
  Speaker 2: we could say neuroa virgin children, but we could also
• 39:01
  Speaker 2: say this as a family, what is the effect of
• 39:05
  Speaker 2: activity and exercise on the mental health aspect of things?
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: If mental health and physical health are tied one and
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: the same, what does exercise do for this neurodivergent dysregulation?
• 39:21
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and I talk a lot about this in my
• 39:24
  Speaker 4: book Love Our Babies Well, because that's all about these
• 39:26
  Speaker 4: eight dimensions of wellness. And so when we think about
• 39:29
  Speaker 4: exercise as a family, and so I have what I
• 39:33
  Speaker 4: work with families on is not just the individual child
• 39:36
  Speaker 4: needing to make the difference, because that's where we get resistance. Right,
• 39:39
  Speaker 4: So even the idea of saying, well, I'm not going
• 39:41
  Speaker 4: to tell John to go, you know, exercise thirty minutes
• 39:43
  Speaker 4: and everybody else's couch potato. So even the idea of
• 39:47
  Speaker 4: saying a family wellness goal looks like okay, two to
• 39:51
  Speaker 4: three times a week. What do you do as a
• 39:53
  Speaker 4: family for wellness and exercise? Right? How do we You know,
• 39:56
  Speaker 4: when I was little, at the kids, we'd push them
• 39:58
  Speaker 4: in the strollers and we'd be walking around the neighborhood
• 40:01
  Speaker 4: and the strollers. When they got little, we'd take them
• 40:02
  Speaker 4: to the park and everybody's they're running around the playground.
• 40:05
  Speaker 4: I'd be walking around doing my miles while the kids
• 40:08
  Speaker 4: around the playground.
• 40:09
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 40:09
  Speaker 4: So even physical wellness as they age, when they're on
• 40:13
  Speaker 4: the soccer field, right as teenagers, I'd still be lapping
• 40:16
  Speaker 4: that soccer field to get my exercise in even while
• 40:20
  Speaker 4: they're exercising. So making this more about a family system
• 40:25
  Speaker 4: of wellness, right, and how do we increase so for
• 40:28
  Speaker 4: children in general, physical exercise we know helps to calm
• 40:32
  Speaker 4: the brain, right, we know again those natural things and dorphin, serotonins,
• 40:36
  Speaker 4: all the good things that come from exercise. One thing
• 40:39
  Speaker 4: I say to folks, it helps to regulate sleep. And
• 40:42
  Speaker 4: this is something key to nerdivergent children specifically because we
• 40:45
  Speaker 4: know they have I call them my night owls. They
• 40:47
  Speaker 4: have sleep issues. So any child the nerdivergent diagnosis will
• 40:52
  Speaker 4: have a sleep issue, So exercise truly helps with that.
• 40:55
  Speaker 4: And then, as I mentioned earlier, because we oftentimes see
• 40:59
  Speaker 4: gut concern, whether that's constipation, exercise will help the flow
• 41:02
  Speaker 4: of obells, right, So that's key when we talk about eating.
• 41:06
  Speaker 4: And then also exercise will help to give some regulation.
• 41:10
  Speaker 4: A lot of nowrodivergent children like things like swimming, walking.
• 41:15
  Speaker 4: When I talked to them, even a young lady the
• 41:16
  Speaker 4: other day, I said, well, what do you like about
• 41:18
  Speaker 4: riding your bike? And she said, I just feel free
• 41:21
  Speaker 4: when I'm outside in nature. And so even that piece,
• 41:24
  Speaker 4: again we talk about bringing down that calmness, helping to
• 41:27
  Speaker 4: manage and regulate their systems. Physical exercise helps them to
• 41:33
  Speaker 4: really again manage the emotional responses and brings those emotions
• 41:36
  Speaker 4: really down a lot, which is great and we want
• 41:39
  Speaker 4: them to have emotions again. But those strong emotions is
• 41:42
  Speaker 4: what families typically come in for therapy around, and so
• 41:45
  Speaker 4: exercise can help us to have a balance with even
• 41:48
  Speaker 4: those strong emotions.
• 41:49
  Speaker 3: Mm hmmm hmm. Yeah.
• 41:51
  Speaker 2: In the there was a really cool book by a
• 41:53
  Speaker 2: guy named doctor John Rady, And this wasn't necessarily about neurodivergence.
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: It was more about what it looks like to treat
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: psychiatric disorders with a mixture of cognitive behavioral therapy, pharmacology,
• 42:08
  Speaker 2: and then pit that against what it looks like to
• 42:10
  Speaker 2: treat it with exercise in an actual systematic and actual,
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: you know, research specific way. And in his book The
• 42:19
  Speaker 2: Spark the Revolutionary New Science of Exercise in the Brain,
• 42:23
  Speaker 2: which was like twenty years ago, by the way, so
• 42:25
  Speaker 2: it's not new anymore. We're learning more and more, right,
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: But it was remarkable. It was remarkable what it looked
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: like for somebody who has been wrestling with symptoms related
• 42:38
  Speaker 2: to ADHD, the hyperactivity, the inattention. It was remarkable to
• 42:43
  Speaker 2: take that person and say, Okay, we're going to do
• 42:44
  Speaker 2: three days a week of martial arts and we're going
• 42:47
  Speaker 2: to do that for twelve weeks, and we're going to
• 42:49
  Speaker 2: monitor these symptoms.
• 42:51
  Speaker 3: We're going to monitor how often you get in trouble
• 42:52
  Speaker 3: in school.
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: We're going to monitor you know, how focused you feel,
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: how much fun you're having, your test scores right, and
• 43:00
  Speaker 2: actually finding that all those things got better that having
• 43:04
  Speaker 2: having this this child get to like, you know, martial
• 43:08
  Speaker 2: arts is an interesting You would think it would make
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: it worse, right, like like if you're a violent you know,
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: like go ahead, punch them in the face. It's part
• 43:17
  Speaker 2: of the sport. Have at it.
• 43:18
  Speaker 3: You would think that might get worse, But it didn't.
• 43:21
  Speaker 3: It got better.
• 43:22
  Speaker 2: And and what what research has found was there was
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: an element of learning that occurs in active things like
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: when I bring my kids down to the creek, we
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: have to walk a mile to get there, and we're
• 43:34
  Speaker 2: you know, goofing around and throwing rocks and building dams
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: and trying to catch snakes and all that stuff.
• 43:39
  Speaker 3: But there's an element of learning.
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: There's science there, there's physics there, there is math there.
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: Even if we don't explain it, it's there. But there's
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: an element of learning to activity. There's also there's also
• 43:49
  Speaker 2: all the physiological changes, Like you spoke about regulation of digestion,
• 43:54
  Speaker 2: you spoke about the sleep issues. Exercise helps us regulate
• 43:58
  Speaker 2: our circadian rhythm. And then there's this very strange level
• 44:02
  Speaker 2: of cognitive dissonance, which is to say that if I
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: act in a certain way, it makes me not want
• 44:11
  Speaker 2: to act in another way. So if I'm exercising and
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: I'm being healthy and we as a family go on
• 44:15
  Speaker 2: a hike, the likelihood that we're going to go stop
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: for pizza on the way home is very small because
• 44:22
  Speaker 2: the cognitive dissonance there is we did something active as
• 44:26
  Speaker 2: a family. We should also probably eat healthy too, right,
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: And so there's so many elements of exercise that are
• 44:34
  Speaker 2: so powerful for families to coexist on. And you brought
• 44:40
  Speaker 2: up something I'm near and dear to my heart, and
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: I want to give you an opportunity to say this
• 44:44
  Speaker 2: specifically to parents in whatever form or fashion you care to.
• 44:47
  Speaker 3: But there's that element of leading by example.
• 44:50
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to tell a little Johnny that he
• 44:52
  Speaker 2: needs to go exercise while everybody else gets to be
• 44:54
  Speaker 2: a couch potato around here. Can you elaborate more on
• 44:57
  Speaker 2: this idea of the collect to family health and fitness
• 45:02
  Speaker 2: and goal?
• 45:03
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and actually, so I'm going to say something first
• 45:05
  Speaker 4: then go to that. So one of the key things Actually,
• 45:08
  Speaker 4: it's interesting when I work with neurodivergent families the top
• 45:11
  Speaker 4: because most of them are not sporty kids. So let
• 45:13
  Speaker 4: me start there. They're not sporty kids, but they do
• 45:16
  Speaker 4: gravitate to the martial arts karate and parkour, so those
• 45:20
  Speaker 4: are some interesting like the physical exercises that I do
• 45:23
  Speaker 4: find most my neurodivergent kids. The individual sports tend to
• 45:27
  Speaker 4: go better than like basketball and football, where they feel
• 45:30
  Speaker 4: the pressure. There is something even I think relational about
• 45:34
  Speaker 4: how coaching is done in martial arts that looks very
• 45:38
  Speaker 4: different than our other sports. So I just want to
• 45:40
  Speaker 4: throw that plug in there too. But now I forgot
• 45:44
  Speaker 4: the question of leading by example.
• 45:45
  Speaker 3: I got it.
• 45:46
  Speaker 4: So one of the things so i'm the biggest thing
• 45:52
  Speaker 4: for families is that again parents, Scripture says in Deuteronomy
• 45:58
  Speaker 4: six seven, even when it comes to teaching them about
• 46:02
  Speaker 4: the laws of Christ, that we are to do it
• 46:03
  Speaker 4: when they wake, when they rise, when they're walking in
• 46:05
  Speaker 4: the streets, when they're going to bed, wherever we are.
• 46:09
  Speaker 4: And so that's a daily command, right to say, we
• 46:12
  Speaker 4: live out these principles daily. And so I'll give you
• 46:15
  Speaker 4: a personal example. When I got into like organic eating,
• 46:18
  Speaker 4: and eating healthy. Right. I stripped the whole pantry and
• 46:22
  Speaker 4: the kids are like, what what are you doing? You
• 46:24
  Speaker 4: threw out everything. I was like, yeah, because we're all
• 46:26
  Speaker 4: going to eat better. It's not me just saying you
• 46:29
  Speaker 4: guys need to eat better, but it's all of us.
• 46:31
  Speaker 4: And when my daughter went away to college, it's funny
• 46:34
  Speaker 4: because she called me freshman year and she's like, mom,
• 46:37
  Speaker 4: the food here is terrible because she'd been so used
• 46:40
  Speaker 4: to home cooked meals and not the College of Dining
• 46:42
  Speaker 4: wasn't home cooked. But again, there's just a certain level
• 46:45
  Speaker 4: of eating that she's been used to, and she's like, yeah,
• 46:47
  Speaker 4: we don't have it here. They've got a lot of
• 46:49
  Speaker 4: burgers and fries and things that I don't like. And
• 46:52
  Speaker 4: so modeling that, though, also puts us. We just talked
• 46:56
  Speaker 4: about how all of that physical illness helps the child
• 47:00
  Speaker 4: in your entire family being better regulated, having better sleep,
• 47:04
  Speaker 4: having better nutrition, taking care of ourselves. Then we're even
• 47:07
  Speaker 4: able to function optimally right when we're doing well, and
• 47:12
  Speaker 4: it's our whole unit making that change, not just one
• 47:15
  Speaker 4: part of the unit.
• 47:17
  Speaker 3: Mmm, well said, Well said, I had to.
• 47:19
  Speaker 2: I have a cousin who lives in Michigan, and they
• 47:22
  Speaker 2: were like, how is your family the all star van Houghton?
• 47:25
  Speaker 3: So that's what she calls us.
• 47:27
  Speaker 2: And so we're doing we're doing well. And she asked
• 47:31
  Speaker 2: me and she was she wasn't being sarcastic about this.
• 47:33
  Speaker 2: She she said, how do you guys do everything you do?
• 47:38
  Speaker 2: Because we have a lot. We have a lot on
• 47:40
  Speaker 2: our calendar, We really do. And and it's it's not
• 47:43
  Speaker 2: it's not bad, it's it's good stuff. And I said,
• 47:47
  Speaker 2: but you know how people say the devil's in the details.
• 47:53
  Speaker 2: I said, so is Christ. Christ is in the details.
• 47:56
  Speaker 2: And and and we as a family didn't We didn't
• 47:59
  Speaker 2: just pack our calendar one day with a bunch of
• 48:01
  Speaker 2: good stuff and decide, hey, we're going to be this
• 48:03
  Speaker 2: kind of family. It really it really comes down to
• 48:08
  Speaker 2: small little things that we we as a household communicate,
• 48:13
  Speaker 2: troubleshoot and change and if something's not working and it's
• 48:17
  Speaker 2: causing pain and anger and frustration and all this stuff,
• 48:20
  Speaker 2: we address it.
• 48:22
  Speaker 3: And I'm not saying we do it perfectly.
• 48:24
  Speaker 2: We'll butt heads and come up with something and it
• 48:27
  Speaker 2: won't work.
• 48:27
  Speaker 3: You know. The current the current headbutting.
• 48:29
  Speaker 2: Just so everybody knows is we have this system for
• 48:32
  Speaker 2: chores called the checklist. That's the chores system, and it's
• 48:37
  Speaker 2: it's important because what was happening was we have certain
• 48:41
  Speaker 2: jobs for everybody to do, and that's great, but Mom
• 48:44
  Speaker 2: was becoming the repository for what needs to happen next,
• 48:51
  Speaker 2: which was very stressful to mom.
• 48:53
  Speaker 3: So Mom, what do I need to be doing? What's this?
• 48:55
  Speaker 2: It's Wednesday? What are my chores? It's like, you do
• 48:58
  Speaker 2: this every Wednesday. You should know what the toores are? Like,
• 49:00
  Speaker 2: why do I have to tell you this?
• 49:02
  Speaker 3: And so and so.
• 49:03
  Speaker 2: The checklist is a deep area of contention at the
• 49:06
  Speaker 2: moment because my wife loves it. I think it's very
• 49:10
  Speaker 2: important for my sons to not have to bother mom
• 49:13
  Speaker 2: for everything that they need to accomplish. And yet at
• 49:17
  Speaker 2: the same time, my poor seven year old is like,
• 49:21
  Speaker 2: I don't know. I think I forgot something, but it's
• 49:23
  Speaker 2: not on the list. So that's a difficult thing.
• 49:28
  Speaker 4: Well, and here's a good example though, and cojac Alex,
• 49:31
  Speaker 4: I love that your family said, hey, we have this problem,
• 49:33
  Speaker 4: and what a lot of families will continue that problem
• 49:36
  Speaker 4: to the kids are graduated, right, like, no, you come
• 49:38
  Speaker 4: up with a solution and problem solving is one thing
• 49:41
  Speaker 4: that I really do work with families, and it worked
• 49:43
  Speaker 4: great with typical or neurotypical families. Right, Like, we think
• 49:46
  Speaker 4: about the idea of saying, what's the expectation right, what's
• 49:50
  Speaker 4: our difficulty with meeting those expectations right now, and then
• 49:53
  Speaker 4: coming up with solutions so that you, guys, again, mom
• 49:57
  Speaker 4: doesn't have to be the one that has to be
• 49:59
  Speaker 4: managing all of this. Kids have a level of independence.
• 50:03
  Speaker 4: And what's really great about visuals is that they help everybody.
• 50:07
  Speaker 4: And so here here's a tip for mom. And here's
• 50:09
  Speaker 4: what I do. I teach parents to use your technology. Right,
• 50:12
  Speaker 4: So if your teenagers have phones, then you have Alexo
• 50:15
  Speaker 4: or your phone, or you send it electronically. If you
• 50:18
  Speaker 4: have littles, then right, we have a visual schedule somewhere,
• 50:20
  Speaker 4: because then that puts our voice out of it, and
• 50:23
  Speaker 4: moms usually stay calmer the less we have to talk
• 50:25
  Speaker 4: about it. That's always key, I say, parents, The less
• 50:29
  Speaker 4: we have to talk about it, the calmer our voice stays.
• 50:32
  Speaker 4: And so again, technology is not a terrible thing, right,
• 50:37
  Speaker 4: we can use it to our advantage. Kind of going
• 50:39
  Speaker 4: back to what you said, even about nutrition and exercise
• 50:43
  Speaker 4: twenty years ago. Well, we also talked about TVs in
• 50:45
  Speaker 4: the bedrooms twenty years ago, right, and so we replaced
• 50:48
  Speaker 4: that now with iPads and video games in the bedroom.
• 50:51
  Speaker 4: We're still having those same issues that we had years
• 50:53
  Speaker 4: ago with sleep. Using technology responsibly can also help with
• 50:58
  Speaker 4: that trial list So.
• 50:59
  Speaker 3: I love it awesome, Thank thank you for that.
• 51:02
  Speaker 2: And I was I was talking about the little things
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: that build over time. You know, you don't see those things.
• 51:09
  Speaker 2: You see a picture of a happy family, but but
• 51:11
  Speaker 2: there's there's little things that build over time. And one
• 51:14
  Speaker 2: of those things you just brought it up was technology.
• 51:17
  Speaker 3: Can you we.
• 51:18
  Speaker 2: Have an awesome family guide that that you have offered
• 51:21
  Speaker 2: for our listeners for free the links in the show notes.
• 51:24
  Speaker 3: I want them to go check that out.
• 51:26
  Speaker 2: You can download it, check it out and get more
• 51:28
  Speaker 2: acquainted with doctor Stacy's work and how you can implement
• 51:32
  Speaker 2: this in your family. But screen time is a thing
• 51:36
  Speaker 2: something people are talking about. I don't think it's evil.
• 51:39
  Speaker 2: In fact, I think my boys are playing Minecraft.
• 51:40
  Speaker 3: Right now, actually.
• 51:43
  Speaker 4: Exactly.
• 51:44
  Speaker 2: The oldest has practiced his drums, the youngest has done
• 51:47
  Speaker 2: his language arts work book. I think they have fed
• 51:49
  Speaker 2: the chickens, I hope, and now they're playing Minecraft and
• 51:52
  Speaker 2: in our in our house, yes, technology and screen time
• 51:55
  Speaker 2: is not a bad thing.
• 51:57
  Speaker 3: However, However, just as with anything.
• 52:01
  Speaker 2: There is a necessity for intelligent moderation.
• 52:07
  Speaker 3: There is a necessity for.
• 52:09
  Speaker 2: A rhythm of the household around technology and expectations. And
• 52:13
  Speaker 2: I imagine this is especially important for neurodivergent children. Can
• 52:17
  Speaker 2: you talk to me a bit about screen time and
• 52:20
  Speaker 2: technology and maybe some of the best practices that you've
• 52:24
  Speaker 2: worked with families to come up with that have been
• 52:27
  Speaker 2: useful that maybe they didn't think of before.
• 52:30
  Speaker 4: Sure, and oftentimes this is one of those areas that
• 52:35
  Speaker 4: we have to work with families and in therapy. Right,
• 52:37
  Speaker 4: So the technology question screen time always comes up, and
• 52:40
  Speaker 4: you have different people with different perspectives. I can tell you,
• 52:42
  Speaker 4: even my personal I always tell the kids, you may
• 52:44
  Speaker 4: not like me. After I say this, I always tell
• 52:47
  Speaker 4: the kids that. So my own children, I made a
• 52:50
  Speaker 4: very conscious decision to be intentional with technology based on
• 52:54
  Speaker 4: what I would see in my practice, and so by
• 52:57
  Speaker 4: the time my kiddos came along, we reframed. And I
• 53:01
  Speaker 4: know some people are going to crunch, but my kids
• 53:03
  Speaker 4: did not have phones until middle school. My son did
• 53:07
  Speaker 4: not have a video game system until middle school. And
• 53:10
  Speaker 4: the reason I did that is because I wanted to
• 53:12
  Speaker 4: be intentional about creating hobbies, making sure that they have
• 53:18
  Speaker 4: other things to do. Even in high school, at nine
• 53:20
  Speaker 4: point thirty when it was their bedtime, their phones would
• 53:23
  Speaker 4: come to our rooms right at bedtime. I did not
• 53:25
  Speaker 4: have access to them because I wanted to be intentional.
• 53:28
  Speaker 4: We have to remember that technology is a privilege. It's
• 53:32
  Speaker 4: not a rite. It's not something that you know, child
• 53:35
  Speaker 4: protective Service is going to come in because your kid
• 53:37
  Speaker 4: doesn't have an iPad, right, So we really have to
• 53:40
  Speaker 4: think about how do I use this privilege. So, for example,
• 53:43
  Speaker 4: my son in the mornings would have a really hard
• 53:45
  Speaker 4: time getting up and getting ready in the morning. So
• 53:48
  Speaker 4: I said, hey, but if you're done and you get
• 53:50
  Speaker 4: everything done on your checklist, because I had a checklist
• 53:52
  Speaker 4: for him, even for his morning routine, then you can
• 53:55
  Speaker 4: have the reward of television for ten to fifteen minutes
• 53:58
  Speaker 4: in the morning before we leave for school. By the
• 54:00
  Speaker 4: time he got to be middle school, he had that phone.
• 54:02
  Speaker 4: So guess what he got his phone when everything was
• 54:05
  Speaker 4: done in the morning. He didn't have it as an
• 54:07
  Speaker 4: alarm clock. I bought my children actual alarm clocks for
• 54:10
  Speaker 4: their rooms. So it's funny how many parents are like, yeah,
• 54:13
  Speaker 4: well they use it for their alarm, and I'm like,
• 54:14
  Speaker 4: you know, they make alarm clocks right now.
• 54:16
  Speaker 3: Alarm still exists Amazon.
• 54:18
  Speaker 4: Exactly, you can buy them right exactly. And so I
• 54:22
  Speaker 4: think you have to be intentional. Where we kind of
• 54:25
  Speaker 4: make the mistake is we get the item, whether that's
• 54:28
  Speaker 4: a video game system, iPad, phone, tablet, whatever, and then
• 54:32
  Speaker 4: we don't have expectations around it. We give it, and
• 54:34
  Speaker 4: then when it becomes a problem, then we're wanting to
• 54:37
  Speaker 4: take it away. I say, do the opposite. Be really
• 54:41
  Speaker 4: thoughtful before you give that item of how you want
• 54:44
  Speaker 4: to use it, set up the timelines around and say, hey, listen,
• 54:47
  Speaker 4: I'm going to give you this tablet. You've got thirty
• 54:49
  Speaker 4: minutes a day. That's what we're going to start with.
• 54:52
  Speaker 4: And see how we do right, really thinking about because
• 54:55
  Speaker 4: again we go in crisis mode when there's a problem
• 54:58
  Speaker 4: versus prevention. Rat must be preventative when it comes to
• 55:03
  Speaker 4: the screen time. And again, not all things are bad.
• 55:05
  Speaker 4: I love if the kids have done everything. Usually we
• 55:08
  Speaker 4: say tours get done by Friday, so you have the
• 55:10
  Speaker 4: whole weekend to yourself, right, and they'd have activities and
• 55:12
  Speaker 4: sports and things going on, but technology was a reward.
• 55:16
  Speaker 4: My kid could stay on Minecraft all weekend, I don't
• 55:19
  Speaker 4: care because everything else was done. So even the idea
• 55:23
  Speaker 4: of balancing that, and we had a no technology rules
• 55:26
  Speaker 4: Sunday through Thursday. So even if he did stay on
• 55:28
  Speaker 4: it on the weekend, that was fine because he did scouts,
• 55:31
  Speaker 4: he did track, he did all the things. Both of
• 55:32
  Speaker 4: my kids had everything. But I can say, if you
• 55:36
  Speaker 4: take away the technology, you have to replace it with
• 55:40
  Speaker 4: something that's either you that's either an activity that's either
• 55:45
  Speaker 4: again getting them out of the home, because the kids
• 55:48
  Speaker 4: will say they're bored, and then that when usually when
• 55:51
  Speaker 4: we have the dysregulation. So I always say, the language
• 55:54
  Speaker 4: is not give me your phone. The language is hey,
• 55:56
  Speaker 4: why don't we go play a game together?
• 55:57
  Speaker 3: M Yeah, well said, Well said.
• 56:01
  Speaker 2: That's more focus on what you can do rather than
• 56:03
  Speaker 2: what you can't do. Hey, we're not doing the phone
• 56:05
  Speaker 2: right now, We're going to the creek. Hey, we're not
• 56:07
  Speaker 2: doing this right now. Play sorry with your brother and
• 56:10
  Speaker 2: no fighting.
• 56:13
  Speaker 4: Exactly. And that is true too, right, that's also why
• 56:16
  Speaker 4: we use technology. Sometimes we know hey, listen if they're
• 56:18
  Speaker 4: in their own worlds, is a quiet at least for
• 56:20
  Speaker 4: the next twenty minutes.
• 56:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, right, right, And so this is actually to
• 56:25
  Speaker 2: me it sounds like a rules of the road kind
• 56:27
  Speaker 2: of thing, right, Like I wouldn't hand a sixteen year
• 56:29
  Speaker 2: old the keys to the car and say, hey, you're
• 56:31
  Speaker 2: going to crash this several times. But by that you'll
• 56:34
  Speaker 2: you'll figure it out. You'll figure out how to stay
• 56:36
  Speaker 2: on the road. You figure out how when to turn
• 56:38
  Speaker 2: left and when not to, when not to slam on
• 56:40
  Speaker 2: your brakes and stuff. You don't do that you have
• 56:42
  Speaker 2: to like take a test. You actually have to like
• 56:45
  Speaker 2: learn all the different all the different ways that driving
• 56:48
  Speaker 2: can be a big problem, so that when you get
• 56:52
  Speaker 2: in the driver's seat with your license, you can you
• 56:56
  Speaker 2: can navigate the rules of the road well, and there
• 56:58
  Speaker 2: might be some hiccups here and there, but largely the
• 57:03
  Speaker 2: system seems to work. And similarly with technology, we take
• 57:08
  Speaker 2: for granted that this exists now. But forty years ago,
• 57:12
  Speaker 2: this wasn't a thing we had to be intentional about.
• 57:14
  Speaker 2: It didn't exist.
• 57:15
  Speaker 3: It wasn't it.
• 57:16
  Speaker 2: Like you said, we started talking about TVs in the
• 57:18
  Speaker 2: bedroom probably twenty years ago, right, but now we've we've
• 57:21
  Speaker 2: got toddlers with iPads in a restaurant, right, and no judgment,
• 57:27
  Speaker 2: But we do know that that developmentally speaking family conversation
• 57:33
  Speaker 2: over at dinner table is one of the ways that
• 57:36
  Speaker 2: young children learn how to speak.
• 57:38
  Speaker 3: They learn their their language patterns, they learn.
• 57:41
  Speaker 2: New words, they learn interactive social cues like what certain
• 57:46
  Speaker 2: eye movements mean, and what expressions mean and whatnot and
• 57:50
  Speaker 2: so and so. Again, no judgment, but there there is
• 57:54
  Speaker 2: intention that none of us went to school for Well
• 57:57
  Speaker 2: maybe you did, but.
• 58:00
  Speaker 4: You tell people that exactly right.
• 58:02
  Speaker 2: This wasn't not like a normal seventh grade education that
• 58:05
  Speaker 2: we were like, hey, here's how you use technology, so
• 58:08
  Speaker 2: it doesn't ruin your language patterns for life, Like, it's not.
• 58:11
  Speaker 2: That's not a thing that we all learned, right and
• 58:13
  Speaker 2: so and so. Now, as parents who exist in a
• 58:16
  Speaker 2: world where there's technology available in so many forms in fashion,
• 58:21
  Speaker 2: even such that some people think it's a right, you
• 58:23
  Speaker 2: know that it exists, and the question is, okay, how
• 58:28
  Speaker 2: do I, again coming back to the stewardship question, how
• 58:31
  Speaker 2: do I steward this?
• 58:32
  Speaker 3: Well?
• 58:32
  Speaker 2: How do I how do I help my child navigate
• 58:34
  Speaker 2: this to make the most of themselves and and and
• 58:37
  Speaker 2: that's not an easy question, but it's so useful and
• 58:41
  Speaker 2: necessary just because it's not an easy question, it's so
• 58:44
  Speaker 2: useful and necessary to say, Hey, this matters enough that
• 58:47
  Speaker 2: we're going to be intentional about it and working with
• 58:49
  Speaker 2: with experts like yourself in resources that will help you
• 58:53
  Speaker 2: as a family to improve to make the most out
• 58:57
  Speaker 2: of this thing. Is there anything else you'd like to
• 58:58
  Speaker 2: say in closing down the technology conversation as we're wrapping
• 59:02
  Speaker 2: things up here.
• 59:03
  Speaker 4: Well, no, and I say with parents, give yourself grace
• 59:05
  Speaker 4: even as you start to make changes, right because we realize, right,
• 59:09
  Speaker 4: we learn from experience, and if this is our first
• 59:12
  Speaker 4: time or maybe even your second or third time parenting,
• 59:14
  Speaker 4: you get better each time. Right, That's the other piece
• 59:18
  Speaker 4: of this. But also recognizing that technology can a be
• 59:22
  Speaker 4: a great tool if used well, even like I said,
• 59:25
  Speaker 4: even in parenting, I have a lot of parents that
• 59:27
  Speaker 4: talk less and use technology more, even with instructions and
• 59:30
  Speaker 4: directions to help guide.
• 59:34
  Speaker 3: So rapid fire questions here.
• 59:37
  Speaker 2: If you had to do three things that would rapidly
• 59:41
  Speaker 2: improve a child's emotional and behavioral.
• 59:46
  Speaker 3: Outcomes for themselves, what are those three things?
• 59:49
  Speaker 4: Rapid Fire rapid fire, teach self regulation skills, increase physical exercise,
• 59:56
  Speaker 4: and make sure your baby sleep.
• 59:59
  Speaker 3: Love it, love it. Those are great.
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 2: What is one thing that a parent could do for
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 2: themselves that they're probably not doing?
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 4: Be forgiving. I think we're our negative self talk. We
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 4: need to work on being more forgiving of ourselves as parents.
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 2: What's one thing you wish the church knew about parents
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 2: of neurodivergent kids.
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 4: They're tired and they just need a community around them.
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 4: They don't need judgment.
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 2: And what's one word of encouragement you would have for
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 2: families listening to this that have had a hard time
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 2: making the habits of their household work, but are willing
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 2: to make a shift.
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 4: Do it with love, You'll be just fine.
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 2: Awesome, Doctor Stacey, thank you so much for the time
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 2: and energy in this interview. I want to point our
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 2: listeners again to the resource, the Family Guide, that you
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 2: have graciously offered to us. They can download for free
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 2: of the links in the show notes. And before we
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 2: close up our interview, here to pray over you and
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 2: your ministry and the families that you touch.
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 3: Can we do that?
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 4: Absolutely?
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 3: Awesome?
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 2: Father God, thank you so much for the time. I
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 2: got to spend with doctor Stacy today. Thank you for
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 2: her heart for ministry and for the way that you
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 2: have blessed her life to be a light to others
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 2: despite so many of the obstacles and difficulties that she's faced. God,
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 2: I pray that you would continue to give her grace
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 2: and favor and her good work. I pray that her
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 2: love and her love of wellness, and her love for
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 2: other families gets to pour out in her work regularly.
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 2: I also pray for parents listening to this that you
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 2: would give them grace and teach them Lord, how to
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 2: be close to your heart while they work to lead
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 2: their children in the way they should go, so that
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 2: in the end they would not depart from it. We
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 2: love your Lord, We thank you and praise you in
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 2: Jesus' name.
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 3: Amen.
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 2: Amen, guys, this has been coach Alex van Houton on
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 2: the Faithful Fitness podcast.
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 3: Thanks for joining us. Well. Next time, train hard, but
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 3: pray harder.
• 1:02:04
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