Latest / Mic Drop Comedy / Mamdani_s Endorsements Sweep NY Primaries _ World Cup Fans Can_t Get Enough Ranch _ The Daily Show
Transcript
- 0:00Speaker 1: Let's start with the World Cup, the main way American
- 0:03Speaker 1: kids learn geography now. It's been great for America to
- 0:08Speaker 1: host the game, since recently our status in the world
- 0:11Speaker 1: went from global superpower to monkey who got loose at
- 0:14Speaker 1: the zoo and has a knife.
- 0:17Speaker 2: But with the World Cup, people.
- 0:19Speaker 1: Are discovering the good things about America, like our food.
- 0:22Speaker 1: And obviously, it goes way beyond our food.
- 0:25Speaker 2: It's also our condiments.
- 0:27Speaker 3: Soccer fans are falling in love with ranch dressing. The
- 0:30Speaker 3: World Cup has led to a sudden sauce craze.
- 0:33Speaker 4: The TSA issuing a warning posting on social media, quote,
- 0:36Speaker 4: if you're visiting for a very large sporting event and
- 0:40Speaker 4: you happen to discover ranch while you're here, please pack
- 0:43Speaker 4: it in your checked bag on the way home.
- 0:48Speaker 1: Come on, TSA. Do you really need to be so
- 0:50Speaker 1: strict about this? No one's going to blow up a
- 0:52Speaker 1: plane with a bottle of ranch. The bathroom, maybe, but
- 0:56Speaker 1: not the plane. By the way, I like how there's
- 1:00Speaker 1: one bottle of face wash in that photo. You know
- 1:04Speaker 1: there's some bodega owner who's like, CeraVe? It's just a
- 1:07Speaker 1: different flavor of ranch.
- 1:10Speaker 2: It's not even that valuable. It's just ranch. You can
- 1:13Speaker 2: make it at home. All you have to do is mix. Wait,
- 1:17Speaker 2: what the hell is ranch?
- 1:21Speaker 1: But let's move on to today's top story and our
- 1:23Speaker 1: ongoing coverage in Decision 2026.
- 1:32Speaker 2: Last night was election night in America.
- 1:35Speaker 1: Again, so if you were in a middle school gymnasium yesterday,
- 1:38Speaker 1: hopefully that's the reason why. And while every election has
- 1:42Speaker 1: its winners and losers, there was one guy who came
- 1:44Speaker 1: out on top last night who wasn't even on the ballot.
- 1:47Speaker 5: Democratic Socialist Mayor Zohra Mamdani winning record this morning, three
- 1:53Speaker 5: endorsement and three victories. The progressive candidates he backed won
- 1:58Speaker 5: their House primary races.
- 2:00Speaker 1: The king of New York City politics right now is
- 2:03Speaker 1: Mayor Mamdani.
- 2:04Speaker 2: He's the kingmaker and he's in charge. A socialist making kings?
- 2:09Speaker 2: That's crazy.
- 2:12Speaker 1: That's like if a capitalist made a hospital everybody could afford.
- 2:16Speaker 1: But all right, Mom Donnie, all your candidates won last night,
- 2:19Speaker 1: so take the victory lap.
- 2:20Speaker 2: Preach to the people.
- 2:21Speaker 6: We are showing there is a new path for politics
- 2:24Speaker 6: in our city and in our country.
- 2:32Speaker 2: Wait, did you guys hear that woman scream? Can we
- 2:40Speaker 2: play that again?
- 2:48Speaker 1: That doesn't even sound like an election night scream.
- 2:50Speaker 2: It sounded like.
- 2:51Speaker 1: Hitting the drop at the Tower of Terror scream. But
- 2:55Speaker 1: now that she's got that out of her system, let's
- 2:57Speaker 1: hear Zoran speak.
- 2:59Speaker 6: We are showing that last June, a year ago tomorrow,
- 3:05Speaker 6: was not an anomaly.
- 3:14Speaker 1: I'm still being murdered, but that's great about the win, though. Now, obviously,
- 3:20Speaker 1: Republicans are mad about Mamdani's win, but it also pissed
- 3:23Speaker 1: off the Democratic establishment, which is pretty insane because they're
- 3:27Speaker 1: in your party. And Zoran, you need to watch out
- 3:30Speaker 1: because you know what happens when establishment Dems are mad
- 3:33Speaker 1: at you. You get away with whatever you want. But
- 3:38Speaker 1: there was one person who was willing to give Zoran
- 3:40Speaker 1: his props and said, game recognized game.
- 3:42Speaker 3: President Trump posted this on Truth Social. Mayor Mamdani pulled
- 3:46Speaker 3: through three solid communists and has received loud and universal
- 3:49Speaker 3: applause from the fake news media. Congratulations, Mr.
- 3:52Speaker 4: Mayor.
- 3:53Speaker 3: I went 16-0 last night helping to elect wonderful American patriots,
- 3:57Speaker 3: and the media doesn't say a word. Over the past
- 4:00Speaker 3: two years, he says my endorsement has netted 259 primary wins,
- 4:02Speaker 3: almost no losses, zero media attention, fake news.
- 4:10Speaker 1: Trump sounds like someone at a birthday party trying to
- 4:12Speaker 1: remind people it's also his birthday.
- 4:17Speaker 2: He's just walking up like, hey, happy birthday, Margaret. Looks
- 4:21Speaker 2: like we're both Geminis, huh?
- 4:24Speaker 1: And yeah, technically, you know, I've been having this birthday longer,
- 4:27Speaker 1: so you kind of stole it from me.
- 4:29Speaker 2: But nobody talks about that.
- 4:32Speaker 1: And I feel for Donald Trump because he is not
- 4:34Speaker 1: wrong about his endorsement clout. In fact, another one of
- 4:37Speaker 1: his congressional candidates won a surprise victory last night in
- 4:40Speaker 1: upstate New York.
- 4:41Speaker 4: Thank you, President Trump.
- 4:44Speaker 3: Businessman and Sticker Mule CEO Anthony Constantino riding a President
- 4:49Speaker 3: Donald Trump endorsement to victory.
- 4:52Speaker 2: Okay.
- 4:53Speaker 1: Sticker CEO doesn't sound like a real job. Like, if
- 4:57Speaker 1: you went on a date and someone said, I'm the
- 5:00Speaker 1: president of bouncy balls, you'd be like.
- 5:06Speaker 2: Okay, sounds like we're splitting it. Got it, got it.
- 5:10Speaker 2: But who is this guy?
- 5:11Speaker 7: I'm endorsed by President Trump because I fought for him.
- 5:14Speaker 7: I want to detransition America. I don't like the transgender
- 5:17Speaker 7: scam at all. Just like I don't like the solar scam,
- 5:20Speaker 7: I hate seeing these solar panels all over our farmland
- 5:23Speaker 7: in upstate New York. It bothers me because they're ugly
- 5:27Speaker 7: as hell.
- 5:28Speaker 4: Wow.
- 5:31Speaker 1: It's like my uncle's Facebook came to life. But don't
- 5:36Speaker 1: let all the things that Constantino hates fool you. One
- 5:38Speaker 1: thing I know about him is that he likes being
- 5:41Speaker 1: funny and having fun. I know this because he told us.
- 5:44Speaker 2: I like being funny.
- 5:45Speaker 7: I like making people laugh. I like having fun. If
- 5:48Speaker 7: you're not having fun in life, what else matters?
- 5:51Speaker 2: Why does he look.
- 5:54Speaker 1: Why does he look like he's about to read off
- 5:56Speaker 1: what my grandma left me at her will?
- 5:58Speaker 6: Like.
- 6:00Speaker 1: I like being funny, but today's not about me. It's
- 6:04Speaker 1: about Eunice Marie Johnson, a wonderful lady. Like, the words
- 6:09Speaker 1: he's saying are, I like to have fun, but the
- 6:11Speaker 1: tone is saying, I hit a cat with my car
- 6:14Speaker 1: and felt nothing. But here's the other reason I know
- 6:19Speaker 1: he's a fun guy.
- 6:20Speaker 4: Constantino recorded a hip-hop album titled Thank You, President Trump.
- 6:25Speaker 7: I made a ten-songed. patriotic album to persuade all Americans
- 6:30Speaker 7: to be more patriotic and to see the world as
- 6:33Speaker 7: we see it, using the power of music.
- 6:36Speaker 2: All right, as black people, I know we had our fun,
- 6:38Speaker 2: but I think we need to let rap go. It's
- 7:00Speaker 2: over now. We lost it. Don't get it wrong, though.
- 7:04Speaker 1: Constantino doesn't only rap about how great Donald Trump is.
- 7:08Speaker 2: He also raps about how terrible Trump's nemesis is.
- 7:10Speaker 7: Okay.
- 7:26Speaker 2: This guy's got it. And by it, I mean a
- 7:29Speaker 2: learning disability.
- 7:41Speaker 1: Also, I don't know if you heard that, but does
- 7:44Speaker 1: he think Uganda did 9-11?
- 7:45Speaker 2: Uganda barely.
- 7:48Speaker 6: Got 7-11.
- 7:52Speaker 2: But you know what? I want to be fair.
- 7:54Speaker 1: People love to isolate a piece of a song to
- 7:56Speaker 1: trash an artist. Let's give him another chance and keep listening.
- 8:00Speaker 2: Hey, Andrew Cuomo, you too. You causes. We all remember
- 8:04Speaker 2: the bullshit you did during COVID. That's why you lost
- 8:06Speaker 2: the primary. Eric Adams, by the way, you too. You
- 8:10Speaker 2: corrupt piece of shit.
- 8:16Speaker 1: Did he just get so mad he forgot he was
- 8:18Speaker 1: supposed to be rapping?
- 8:19Speaker 4: Like....
- 8:21Speaker 1: That's not even a song anymore. It's just a guy
- 8:24Speaker 1: on the corner going, and another thing. With that level
- 8:31Speaker 1: of talent, it's no wonder he's getting endorsements from the
- 8:33Speaker 1: cream of the crop.
- 8:34Speaker 2: I am very impressed with Anthony Costantino. Anthony is exactly
- 8:40Speaker 2: the kind of person we need in politics. It's like,
- 8:44Speaker 2: this is what I talk about, that people like this
- 8:46Speaker 2: have to get involved in politics. Why are you looking up?
- 8:53Speaker 2: That's not where the camera is or Giuliani.
- 8:57Speaker 1: He's trying to endorse you, but you're making him look
- 9:00Speaker 1: like he's a dad trying to convince a new school
- 9:02Speaker 1: to take you. Like, no, no, no, you don't understand.
- 9:06Speaker 1: He's a good boy, all right? He doesn't do well
- 9:09Speaker 1: in class, but he makes the kids laugh. He didn't
- 9:12Speaker 1: mean to hurt that girl. He had just never seen
- 9:13Speaker 1: curly hair before. And you might be wondering, how could
- 9:22Speaker 1: Donald Trump endorse a dude that doesn't look like he's
- 9:25Speaker 1: allowed in pet stores?
- 9:40Speaker 2: But this guy isn't anywhere near as.
- 9:42Speaker 1: Bad as some of Trump's other endorsements.
- 9:44Speaker 2: Just look at Texas Senate nominee Ken Paxton.
- 9:47Speaker 8: Ken Paxton has been repeatedly accused of bribery, fraud, self-dealing.
- 9:51Speaker 8: In 2020, a group of aides reported him to the FBI,
- 9:54Speaker 8: accusing him of bribery and abuse of office to help
- 9:56Speaker 8: a friend and political donor.
- 9:58Speaker 2: Impeached by the Republican-controlled House... on multiple charges of abuse
- 10:01Speaker 2: of office.
- 10:02Speaker 5: Sued by the State Bar of Texas for his efforts
- 10:04Speaker 5: to overturn the 2020 presidential election.
- 10:08Speaker 2: Retaliating against whistleblowers.
- 10:10Speaker 8: Two counts of securities fraud.
- 10:12Speaker 2: Claimed three homes as his primary residence. He slept around
- 10:15Speaker 2: with a married mother of seven.
- 10:17Speaker 7: Accused of adultery by his wife, who filed for divorce
- 10:20Speaker 7: last year on, quote, biblical grounds.
- 10:25Speaker 2: Biblical grounds? I've never heard that before.
- 10:31Speaker 1: Imagine showing up to your divorce with a Bible going,
- 10:33Speaker 1: he committed all the sins. You're just standing there like,
- 10:47Speaker 1: whatever thou shalt not, he did.
- 10:51Speaker 2: This guy is garbage. So what is it about him
- 10:53Speaker 2: that Trump likes?
- 10:55Speaker 4: Tell you what, I love President Trump.
- 10:57Speaker 2: Every time I'm around him, it's infectious. That's a weird
- 11:05Speaker 2: way to describe your relationship.
- 11:07Speaker 1: Did you cheat on your wife with Trump? But I
- 11:12Speaker 1: guess that's what matters to Trump. He doesn't care about competence.
- 11:14Speaker 1: He just wants loyalty. That's why he endorsed Ken Paxton
- 11:17Speaker 1: over John Cornyn, and it's why he endorsed Ed Gowrine
- 11:20Speaker 1: over Thomas Massey, even though Massey was more MAGA than Trump.
- 11:24Speaker 1: But Thomas Massey told Trump he's not gonna blow him
- 11:27Speaker 1: to get elected, while Ken Paxton told Trump, watch me suck.
- 11:30Speaker 2: This peanut butter through a straw and see what I
- 11:32Speaker 2: can do for you. And it's chunky. And that's the
- 11:49Speaker 2: difference between these two parties.
- 11:51Speaker 1: They both have kingmakers, but kingmakers are looking for two
- 11:55Speaker 1: different things on each party.
- 11:56Speaker 2: One looks for this in his candidates.
- 11:58Speaker 6: A fight to reject the politics of big money and
- 12:01Speaker 6: small ideas. Making healthcare more affordable and making housing more affordable.
- 12:05Speaker 6: A vote for a city you can afford.
- 12:08Speaker 2: And the other looks for this. When people like me,
- 12:11Speaker 2: I like them.
- 12:11Speaker 4: It's very simple.
- 12:12Speaker 6: It's a very simple formula.
- 12:16Speaker 2: That's not really a formula.
- 12:17Speaker 1: I mean.
- 12:19Speaker 2: I mean, I guess it's a formula this guy could understand.
- 12:23Speaker 1: Whatever you think about Trump or Mamdani, it's very clear
- 12:26Speaker 1: that they are controlling the vibe of their party. And
- 12:28Speaker 1: voters are eager to see, come November, which base is
- 12:31Speaker 1: gonna sound like this.