Latest / All Mom Does Podcast with Julie Lyles Carr / House Hushing with Myquillyn Smith

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House Hushing with Myquillyn Smith · All Mom Does Podcast with Julie Lyles Carr

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Purposely Your Life, God's Purpose.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: More podcasts at purposely dot com.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: It is a thousand times easier to let go of
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: things when you trust that the room that you're going
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: to have, and you know and you believe because you
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: see the proof. It already looks great, it already functions great.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: To me, that's the easiest way to let the access go.
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  Speaker 3: Hello, friend, you are listening to the Almand Does podcast,
• 0:32
  Speaker 3: part of the Purposely podcast network. I am so glad
• 0:35
  Speaker 3: you're here. You know, I am in this interesting season
• 0:39
  Speaker 3: where I've still got a lot of the kids toys.
• 0:43
  Speaker 3: I've got decor that I'm kind of attached to because
• 0:46
  Speaker 3: it's been around for a while. I have also inherited
• 0:49
  Speaker 3: all kinds of things from when my in laws when
• 0:52
  Speaker 3: we cleared their house, from my parents' house, from my
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: grandmother's house. And then there's also just you know, my
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: little nervousness done at this point, how on earth am
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: I supposed to take care of all this stuff? And
• 1:06
  Speaker 3: so of course we had to bring in the expert.
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: She is going to just talk me down off the
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: ledge with her dulcet tones of voice and also her
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: incredible advice. I am so excited to welcome my friend
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: Michael Smith back to the podcast. It's so good to
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: see you.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: Oh yeay, I'm so glad to be here.
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: Thanks for having me absolutely And you know you've done
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: all the things girl. You are a New York Times
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: bestselling author. You've had such incredible success online with coaching
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: people how to make a difference in their homes, all
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: kinds of things. So you know, all that's on the resume,
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: But give me some behind the scenes facts about you.
• 1:45
  Speaker 3: Where you live, the pets, how many people are still
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: in your house, all that kind of stuff.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, you know, I have a resume, But what
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: I have really learned from is we're in our fifteenth house.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: We have moved a lot. Chad and I've been married
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: over thirty years and we've lived in pretty much every
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: kind of home. And at first I used to be
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: so frustrated with that I cannot remember my zip code,
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: but it's ended up being a great education about decorating
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: and making home, making home quickly learning myself and my
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: own weird quirks. We've raised three boys. One just got
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: married on our front porch party in the backyard. We
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: live in North Carolina in a nineteen oh, five Victorian
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: home right now, the kind of house I said, I'll
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: live in any kind of house except a Victorian, And
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: of course that's where I am in a hanted hour
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: is not haunted. But yeah, we moved from twelve acres
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  Speaker 1: with ducks and chickens and all that to in town.
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  Speaker 1: We can I can ride my bike the post office.
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  Speaker 1: I can walk to the movies, to the coffee shop.
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  Speaker 1: Like it's unbelievable. I live across the street from a
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: church with church bells that ring every hour on the hour.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: It is so delightful. I love it here.
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: Oh that's amazing. And I was reflecting on how I've
• 3:06
  Speaker 3: been able to watch all of this evolution because I
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: found you a gajillion years ago, back in the heavy
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: blogging days, and your handle was the Nester. Still I
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: still think of you as the master, and to be
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: able to watch all these moves, all the iterations, and
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: how the principles that you've learned through all of it
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: still apply, whatever the season of life, whatever the house
• 3:25
  Speaker 3: looks like, all of that, I find myself michaelin right now.
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  Speaker 3: We've been in the same house almost twenty years, which
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: is the longest I've ever lived anywhere. I spent a
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: childhood moving around a lot. We got settled for a
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: period of time in early marriage where we were fairly
• 3:39
  Speaker 3: consistent in one location, and then we had a multitude
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: of moves for my husband's career until we ended up
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: landing here. Here's what's funny. I would be telling you, oh,
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: my move seasons are over, but guess what. We've been
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: moving adult kids here there, and yon we've been clearing
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: out houses from when our parents have gone on to
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  Speaker 3: be with the Lord. So I mean, you're still moving
• 4:01
  Speaker 3: even if you're still living in the same location. And
• 4:03
  Speaker 3: I think a lot about the principles and ways that
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: you look at possessions and how we do stuff, and
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  Speaker 3: how we organize our lives around these buildings that we
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  Speaker 3: live in in such a beautiful way. You know, a
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  Speaker 3: lot of what we hear today and I get challenged
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  Speaker 3: with is this concept of being more minimalistic. And I
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  Speaker 3: get it. One of my daughters and she and her
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  Speaker 3: husband they are very much more menialists. They are very
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  Speaker 3: thoughtful about what they bring in the house, and on
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  Speaker 3: and on and on. I gotta be real, honest, I
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  Speaker 3: have some things I'm super sentimental about that I know
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  Speaker 3: might not be you know, in keeping or the most
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  Speaker 3: useful thing or whatever, but even I have definitely hit
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  Speaker 3: a point. I don't know if maybe it has to
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  Speaker 3: do with how much content is flying at us all
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  Speaker 3: the time, how much is happening visually in the world.
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  Speaker 3: Just I don't know if there's some connection there psychologically,
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  Speaker 3: but I can hit the place where my my own
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  Speaker 3: space is super overwhelming to me, even though I'm pretty
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  Speaker 3: decent about clearing out stuff and I like things to
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  Speaker 3: be in order. Tell me about this concept that you've
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  Speaker 3: been teaching and now you're really doubling down on, which
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  Speaker 3: is about hushing your house because you're someone in a
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  Speaker 3: Victorian I mean, I'm thinking, Oh, all of the curly
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  Speaker 3: c you know, different moldings, and all of the odd
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  Speaker 3: shaped rooms and all of the wild colors that a
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  Speaker 3: lot of the Victorian houses used to boast. So tell
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  Speaker 3: me about your current situation in a house that you
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  Speaker 3: know was designed to not be visually calm. Yeah, and
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  Speaker 3: then just through all these moves, all the stuff, all
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  Speaker 3: the things, how hushing is different than minimalism.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, you set it up perfectly, because I think
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  Speaker 1: we all maybe secretly feel that tug deep in our
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  Speaker 1: heart where we think I probably need to get rid
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  Speaker 1: of some stuff. But for most of us who have
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: not cited to be called carrying minimalists, we love beautiful things.
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  Speaker 1: We have sentimental items. We have stuff that our parents
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  Speaker 1: handed down to us and they mean something. We have
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  Speaker 1: stuff that means something that's kind of ugly, but we
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: want to put it somewhere. We have things that we
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: need to use, we have Maybe for some of us,
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: hosting is really important. I know it is for me.
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  Speaker 1: So I have lots of dishes and silverware and serving pieces,
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  Speaker 1: we have kids moving all the things that you just said.
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  Speaker 1: And so what a concept I came up with is
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: house hushing, which instead of just thinking about how many
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: things I have in my house, and instead it turns
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: it a little bit and just asks what is the
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  Speaker 1: visual volume of your house and really thinking about how
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: much attention is your stuff asking from you when you
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: walk into your home. When you walk into a room,
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  Speaker 1: it could be asking for attention because you got three
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: thousand plants and they all need to be watered. It
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: could be asking for your attention because you have twenty
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  Speaker 1: five different wallpapers in your house and they're all a pattern,
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  Speaker 1: and so they all kind of, you know, grab your
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  Speaker 1: visual attention. It could just be the it could be
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  Speaker 1: like the literal amount and number of items that you have.
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  Speaker 1: All of those things together capture our attention and take
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: away from our attention, which is such a great resource.
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  Speaker 1: And I think that is really the heart of what
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: we're talking about. Minimalism is great. I love minimalists. They're awesome,
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  Speaker 1: but they have one way, and their way is you
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  Speaker 1: need to get rid of more stuff. Just have less
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: stuff and you will solve it. And I think having
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: less stuff, we probably all do need to do that.
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  Speaker 1: But there are other ways there, you know, I talk
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: about quiet decorating. You think about if you did have
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  Speaker 1: twenty five wallpapers and you needed it to be quieter,
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  Speaker 1: you could make a big change in the visual volume
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  Speaker 1: of your house just by going to the extreme and
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  Speaker 1: painting everything white or even the opposite. Let's say that
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  Speaker 1: you have a new house, this real big You've never
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: lived in a big house before, and you feel like,
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  Speaker 1: oh my gosh, it's so empty and I don't want
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  Speaker 1: to buy a million things. Well, maybe you paint the
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  Speaker 1: rooms all different colors, and then that kind of turns
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  Speaker 1: up you know, we have these controls where we can
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  Speaker 1: turn up or down the visual volume of our home
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  Speaker 1: based on what we need. And so sometimes we need
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  Speaker 1: a little more coziness, we need a little more buffer
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  Speaker 1: in our home to feel that hug, and sometimes we
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  Speaker 1: need less volume. And so having the tools to know
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  Speaker 1: if I add more pattern, if I add more color,
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  Speaker 1: if I add more scale, if I add more texture,
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  Speaker 1: or hey, I've got all these things that are sentimental
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  Speaker 1: to me, how can I you know, is there a
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  Speaker 1: way to display them and to honor them without feeling
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  Speaker 1: like I have thirty nine shotschkis sitting on my fireplace mantle,
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  Speaker 1: And so, you know, it gets down to the nitty
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  Speaker 1: gritty where maybe minimalism, although it works for many people,
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  Speaker 1: for those of us who are sentimental, for those of
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  Speaker 1: us who love beautiful things, for those of us who
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  Speaker 1: is important to have a home that can host a
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: lot of people, that can stay there, that can eat there,
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  Speaker 1: that can be comfortable there, Decluttering sometimes feels like something
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  Speaker 1: that can put at risk all the stuff that we
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  Speaker 1: have worked for in our home, and that is who
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: this book is for.
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  Speaker 3: I really appreciate that because I know for me, eight kids,
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  Speaker 3: kids who've gotten married, two grand babies. There are simply
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  Speaker 3: some things today that would it be easy to declutter. Yes,
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: but when everybody's here at Thanksgiving, when everybody's here at Christmas,
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  Speaker 3: I would literally be having to go back out and
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  Speaker 3: repurchase certain things, even though they're only being used once
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  Speaker 3: or twice a year, which I realize violate some of
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  Speaker 3: the decluttering bylaws, you know, because I'm not not something
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  Speaker 3: I'm using every day. It's not something i'm using. But
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: but boy, when we use it, like when we use it,
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  Speaker 3: I mean, it's a very necessary thing. And so I
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  Speaker 3: love the you distinguish that. The other thing I'm realizing
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: too that I just you've just helped put words and
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: thought to it. For me, I think it's possible to
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: be very minimalistic, but to have a very visually chaotic space.
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  Speaker 3: And here's what I mean by that, if you're using
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: really big prints or really big wallpaper or really colorful whatever.
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  Speaker 3: And so I realized that I could be seeking that
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: sense of calm. And actually, if I'm not calming the palette,
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  Speaker 3: it doesn't matter how much stuff I get rid of,
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: because that in that attention economy. We usually talk about
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: attention economy when it comes to content. But I'm trying
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: to think of my house in the same way. If
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: my eye is just bouncing from thing to thing to
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: thing to thing, and it's being demanded at it be noticed.
• 10:41
  Speaker 3: Even if I'm using neutral tones, even if I'm using
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: neutral patterns, whatever, it's still demanding a certain level of
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: attention from me. And I think that is the disconnect
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: I've had sometimes with decluttering versus really thinking about what
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: calms a space. I love how you laid that out.
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: You have a concept that you call backwards decluttering. I'm
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: really curious to hear more about this because I love
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: that you're not saying, hey, there's yes, there's going to
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: be times that we've got to release some stuff. But
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: I love that you're saying doesn't have to be all
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: the stuff. But what is backwards decluttering? And how is
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: that distinguished from how we usually handle decluttering.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: Well, probably, like me, you've read a lot of the
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: decluttering books. There's so many different methods, and I think
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: the most important thing is to find one that works
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: for you and do it. Yeah, but I had a
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: hard time with lots of them because as a person
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: who loves decorating, as a person who loves a cozy home,
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  Speaker 1: as a person who wants a home that's warm and
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: welcoming and full of meaning and soul. The thought of
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: decluttering seemed to put at risk what I had worked
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: so hard for. So I had to find a way
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: for people like us to be able to let go
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: of some things and figure out what stuff we could
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: live without without ruining all the hard work I had
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: put in and so backwards. Decluttering what it does is
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: it doesn't make you make a lot of decisions. First,
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: we don't have decision fatigue. You're not picking up every
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: item saying would I buy this again at full price?
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: Or does this bring me joy or anything like that.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: What you do is you pick one room and you say, like,
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: let's say you're going to do your family room. I'm
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: going to hush your family room. Then I want you
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: to pick another space where you can, temporarily for forty
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: eight hours, stash some stuff from your family room. Not furniture,
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: not rugs. It's that kind of that last layer of
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: stuff after you move in, the plants, the pillows, the chochkeys,
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: all the little things on your surface, except you know,
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: if you need lamps in your room, leave your lamps.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: You can leave your artwork, but anything else, the magazines,
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  Speaker 1: the games, the toys, the dogbeds, the projects that you're
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: working on, the sewing, the computer, all the bags, you know,
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: all of those things. We're just gonna temporarily move them
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: out of the room, put them into your holding place.
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: Right now. In my house, my holding place is usually
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: my dining room table. You want a place where you
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: can't see it from the room you're working on. What
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: you're trying to do is you're trying to pre experience
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: your room without all the excess stuff. And so I
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: call that hushing. It takes ten to twelve minutes to
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: just quickly empty. Now, sometimes if I have like three
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: poofs or a couple ottomans, I might take a little
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: table out, or if I have some throw rugs, I
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: might roll that up. But really it's just like small stuff.
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: I can just I don't usually need help to carry it.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: I can just move it out baskets of stuff. Then
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: you find another basket of stuff behind that basket of
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: stuff that you forgot about in the clocks and everything
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: on the mantle, and so it's just like this quick
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: little layer of stuff you're going to put it in
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: the other room, and I want you just to be
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: in the room that you hushed for the next day
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: or two and use it with your family. And what
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: you will find is, at first it feels kind of weird,
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: but then the kids want to do homework in there.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: You want to eat dinner in there. Everyone wants to
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: be in there doing their projects because it feels good.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: It feels bigger. The dog is like rolling around on
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: his back, and the cat's laying on the coffee table
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: because it's finally cleared off. And after a day or
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: two passes. What happens is, I've done this with many,
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: many women for years we've done a house hushing challenge.
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: Is one hundred percent of the time, you start to
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: feel protective of that quiet room that you have created,
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: of that piece that you have created. You still have
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: your sofa, you still have the art on the walls,
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: you have your drapes, you have your rug, but you've
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: taken away that layer of like visual chaos, even though
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: there's some things in there that you really love. When
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: you find that, you suddenly are like, oh, it does
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: feel really good in here. I wish I could keep
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: it this way. That's when you know it's time to
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: consider if you need to bring anything back. What I
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: don't do is I don't go into the room and say, okay,
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: here's all my stuff. Where could I put it?
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: No, don't do that.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: If you sit in a room and you say, like,
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: what's missing? Like in my family room, I have a
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: whole wall of built ins and shelves, and if they,
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: you know, a minimalist, might say, well you don't need
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: anything there, it would literally look like I was moving out.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: Like I want to have I want to have decre
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: I want to have stuff on my shelf. But instead
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: of bringing thirty nine small things, A lot of times
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: I will think, you know what, if I want a plant,
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: why don't I upgrade and get you know, one planter
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: and one big plant instead of adding lots of small
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: things into my room, I kind of challenge myself, like,
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: what is the least amount I can bring back? It
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: still feels welcoming, it still feels like us personal, quirky,
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: whatever my style is, anything soulful, how can I find
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: a place for it that maybe is not as visually loud.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: And so you're kind of doing all of those things
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: as you're bringing a few things in. It is a
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: thousand times easier to let go of things when you
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: trust that the room that you're going to have and
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: you know and you believe because you see the proof.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: It already looks great, it already functions great.
• 15:59
  Speaker 4: To me.
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: That's the easiest way to let the access go.
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: You think that you are in the final round of
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: getting all this parenting done, You've got kids who are
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: in high school.
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: You're starting to think about college, and you're thinking, this
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: is it. I'm Julie Lyles Carr.
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: I'm a podcaster and I'm a mom of eight, and
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: here's what I want you to know about George Fox University.
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: It's a different way of doing college. Why because, yes,
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: it's all.
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: About getting a fantastic degree to set your kid up
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: for their future.
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: They have sixty.
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: Undergrad programs available at George Fox University. But that's not
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: where the story ends. It's also about equipping them spiritually.
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: If you get out of college with a degree, but
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: you don't have a closer relationship with God, that obviously
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: is going to deeply impact what your young adult life
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: looks like.
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: So for your kid is I want you to consider.
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: What would it mean for your child to be able
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: to go to George Fox University, where ninety three percent
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: of George Fox students say they now have a closer
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: relationship with Jesus. George Fox University is located in the
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: Pacific northwestern Oregon. They have twenty three Division three athletic programs,
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: and one hundred percent of students at George Fox University
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: receive financial aid. George Fox University is dedicated.
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: To their promise.
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: They want every student to be known for who God
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: created them to be. So listen, parents, Yeah, you are
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: getting into some of those final laps, but you definitely
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: want to make these last laps count in a big
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: way when it comes to the legacy of your parenting.
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: So be sure and check out for your student. George
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: Fox dot edu. That's George Fox dot edu.
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: I love that, and I have followed that advice from
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: you and have found it to be so profound that
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: it out and then you selectively put a few things
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: back in. You leave the big anchor stuff for what
• 18:05
  Speaker 3: that room needs to be, but then you just add
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: a few things in and see how it feels. What
• 18:11
  Speaker 3: is that somatic connection that we have to spaces. I
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: know that sometimes you can have somebody be dismissive of
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: how something feel. I could live in a tent, it
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: doesn't matter, you know, or whatever. And yet you're right
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: when we have spaces that feel good and feel open everybody,
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: from the kids doing homework to the dog rolling on
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: the floor, there's something in that signaling that's really important
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: for us that yes, we want beautiful spaces, but there's
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: also something that connects a little bit deeper. What do
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: you make of that, What do you notice in terms
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: of how we respond and react within certain spaces.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: Well, I do know that James Clear says environment is
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: the invisible hand that shapes human behavior.
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: And wow, that sounds to me like the way.
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: We decorate our house can shape the future of the
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: world because it shapes how we physically feel in our space.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: We can go in a room and leave feeling better
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: or feeling worse, or feeling overwhelmed or feeling depressed. So
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: think about the power that we have just with the
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: mood that we create. And I think, of course, one
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: of those easiest things is what the minimalists say, you know,
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: the number of stuff that we surround ourselves with. But
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: within that, if beauty, if the function, if the soul
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: is important to you. My message to everyone is you
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: can still have simple and simplicity and you can have
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: soul at the same time. You don't have to sacrifice
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: one for another. And I think that's what makes those
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: environments feel so good is because we're getting both the
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: coziness and we're getting margin which allows us to rest,
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: which allows our stress level to go down, and our
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: attention to not be pulled in thirty thousand different things
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: saying look at me, me, play with me, use me,
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: put me away, fix me, all of the You know,
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: our house should not be shouting at us. It should
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: be a respite. It should be like the most peaceful
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: place that we go. And I, the lover of all
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: beautiful things, am willing to sacrifice some beautiful things in
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: order to have a home like that.
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: Tell me about the decision to move into a Victorian home,
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: because when I think about my arc with you, and
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: you know, I can remember different things where you were
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: like slip povering couches and you had a cherry that
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: you had books propped up under, and like you had
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: this very fun, quirky, gathered kind of approach to things.
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: But there was always a simplicity to it. A palette
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: that was pretty similar clean, you know, some clean lines
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: that made room for the kind of a quirky little thing.
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: And when I think of Victorian, I think that is
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: about one hundred and eighty degrees from what I would
• 20:52
  Speaker 3: have thought of your personal anesthetic. So tell me about
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: the decision to move into a space that demands a
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: lot of visual attention, because that's what Victorians are good for,
• 21:02
  Speaker 3: and how you have transposed that to create still within
• 21:07
  Speaker 3: honoring this historic building, but to also create a space
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: that both honors and quiets something that was kind of
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: made to be loud, right.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: You know, I credit moving in a Victorian for helping
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: me kind of round out maybe what I believe about
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: house hushing and quieting a home, because it wasn't until
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: I moved into a house that I never really liked
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: a Victorian style. This one is a little bit of
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: a simple Victorian. But for all the things you just said,
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: they seem bossy, they seem haunted, They're like dripping with detail.
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: This house, when it was empty, it was like louder
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: than any house I've ever lived in when it was
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: full of my stuff, And so I had to this
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: house and I we really had to figure it out together.
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: It took me a good year and a half to
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: figure out how to decorate a house that has core fireplaces,
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: five fireplaces, built ins in every single room, darkwood, no
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: wall space, sofas in front of windows, doors that are
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: like in the middle of the room, all of this
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: molding and interesting details. But I still have my own taste.
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: So how do we work that out together? And I
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: think that was so helpful because a lot of us
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: probably live in either a house with not much detail,
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: like a new build, or maybe you live in an
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: eighties house. Eighties homes are very sill. You know, you
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: have angles, you have short walls, you have an octagon window,
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: you have a half roofline, and all of those things
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: are asking for your attention. And so that is the
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: common ground whether you have a home that asks for
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: a lot of your attention when it's naked, or you
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: have a home that hasks for very little attention. The
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: whole underlining rule is to understand the tools we have
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: to turn up the visual volume or to turn down
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: the visual volume, and the amount of things is one
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: tool that we have. It's a really good one. But
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: also the color of things, the texture of things, the
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: scale of things. And that's what I had to learn,
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: because for so long I was just counting on the
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: amount of things. And when I put a small amount
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: of things that I had from my last house in
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: a room in this house, it still felt overwhelming. So
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: I had to learn, how can I play off what's
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: already happening? Here? Are there ways to quiet and tone
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: that down? There are ways to quiet. You know, I
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: want pillows on my sofa, but since so much is
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: going on, maybe I need to have a pillow with
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: a lot less pattern, a lot less texture, a lot
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: less color, so that my eye has a place to.
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: Rest, I has a place to rest. I really like
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: that phrase because I think that helps us resort a
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: little bit. How we're going to think about what goes where?
• 23:50
  Speaker 3: I would love to hear from your your theory on
• 23:54
  Speaker 3: why some of us have a really hard time with
• 23:57
  Speaker 3: leaving some corners, some shelves, some space is blank.
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: I think there is something in a in us. Think
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: about if you buy a sofa and let's say you
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: put the hang a little piece of art that you have,
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: and it's the size of your phone over the sofa,
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: we all have something built in with us that says
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: that's too small. We all know that, even our husbands,
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: our kids, everyone's going to know that something feels off.
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: The balance feels off. So we're created to kind of
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: search and create balance. But what I think, you're exactly right,
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: There is something that happens if we see some blank walls.
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: It makes us feel uncomfortable and we feel like maybe
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: we're doing something wrong. So we ultimately gravitate towards hanging something.
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: And because most of us have excess stuff, we have
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: the stuff anyway, so we're like, well, I have stuff,
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: and I have an empty wall, I should hang it.
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: A tendency a lot of times is more stuff leads
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: to more stuff. And I think if you begin by
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: house hushing, you can flip it when you start noticing
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: how good it feels to have a coffee table that
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: doesn't that isn't styled. Maybe that always is empty unless
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: you have pizza on it, or a puzzle on it,
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: or the cat's laying on it. What that does is
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: you really like it, and then you're you're like, oh,
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: what else could I have empty? Maybe I could have
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: my kitchen island undecorated and just ready. You know, it's
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: dirty a lot because I'm using it, But then the
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: reset and when it's like it zero is like it's
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: not styled. And so I've started styling less and less
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: surfaces in my house so they're just ready for us
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: to use, and it feels so good. It's like I
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: am ready to clean it. I am ready to do
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: my puzzle or cook dinner or whatever it is. And
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: then that starts to grow because now what if I
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: left that wall empty? That feels really good? What if
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: I just let that plant be in the corner. And
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: so I think you can spiral two less or you
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: can spiral to more. Once you start paying attention to
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: the payoff of having less stuff, then I think you're
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: more comfortable with experimenting with having less stuff on your walls,
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: on your shelf and giving margin because think about like
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: if you're in a museum, it's like eighty percent empty.
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: It's an empty space, it's a museum, but it's so
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: that the important things get the attention they deserve.
• 26:17
  Speaker 4: Right right, I think I have carried for a while,
• 26:21
  Speaker 4: and listen, I mean I started my early days of
• 26:25
  Speaker 4: raising the family and putting together house and all of
• 26:28
  Speaker 4: that back in the Discovery Channel days of decorating shows
• 26:32
  Speaker 4: that were on during the day.
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: This is before all of the access to Pinterest and
• 26:37
  Speaker 3: incredible bloggers and designers like yourself and like. So this
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: was way back and it's been funny, Michael, and because
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: there's been on TikTok people who've pulled up a couple
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: of these old shows that we would watch. I think
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: Decorating Sense is one of them where they time, yes,
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: design on a dime. That's the one. That's the one
• 26:55
  Speaker 3: where they were literally like gluing stuff in a sewing
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: room onto the switch plates, like gluing thimbles and you know,
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: spools of thread and I and I did. I was like, Oh,
• 27:05
  Speaker 3: that's how I'm supposed to do it. Oh, that's what
• 27:07
  Speaker 3: it's supposed to be. And some of those narratives is
• 27:10
  Speaker 3: still carried over. I love that you talk about looking
• 27:12
  Speaker 3: at your kitchen island, looking at the coffee table and
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: realizing this doesn't have to be styled. And I think
• 27:20
  Speaker 3: we have definitely come to a place where we see
• 27:23
  Speaker 3: inspirational pictures, we think things are beautiful, and they are,
• 27:27
  Speaker 3: but we're not necessarily thinking functionality and the beauty of
• 27:31
  Speaker 3: just allowing something to stay in the state that it's
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: going to be used for function. That permission that you're
• 27:38
  Speaker 3: giving us to think of it in a different way,
• 27:41
  Speaker 3: I think is really powerful. I also think we've got
• 27:45
  Speaker 3: something going on that I still sometimes miss. This is
• 27:47
  Speaker 3: going to sound super naive, but when I see that
• 27:50
  Speaker 3: styled coffee table with those beautiful books done in neutral
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: palettes with black lettering, and then there's the rough textured
• 27:59
  Speaker 3: bowl on top, and then there is this kind of
• 28:01
  Speaker 3: floral and on and on and on, and there's links,
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: I can just directly go to that link and I
• 28:06
  Speaker 3: can get that thing and make my coffee table look
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: that way. Sometimes Michael and I miss that this is
• 28:11
  Speaker 3: an ad not an inspo piece. So where do you
• 28:17
  Speaker 3: think that convergence is for us? Sometimes and maybe we're
• 28:20
  Speaker 3: missing it that you know, some of the core some
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: of the ideas we see on and on that's really
• 28:26
  Speaker 3: about and not in a shameful way. I mean, hey,
• 28:29
  Speaker 3: let's get inspired by stuff, and thankfully we do have
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: resources for beautiful things. But to keep in mind that
• 28:34
  Speaker 3: some of this is an advertising marketing cycle. That's where
• 28:37
  Speaker 3: I sometimes get lost and create rules for myself. They
• 28:40
  Speaker 3: really have more to do about purchasing power. How do
• 28:42
  Speaker 3: we resist or at least let the scales fall a
• 28:45
  Speaker 3: bit and realize, oh, yeah, that's gorgeous and they're selling stuff.
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: Everyone is selling stuff, and it's all gorgeous. So there,
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: right there. Yeah, But I do find, you know, thinking
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: about the coffee table, and I have been a slave
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: to that in the past, where I think, oh, my
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: coffee table is empty. Everything I put on it looks weird.
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: So therefore I will just order the three things that
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: this person put on their coffee table, not thinking about
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: my coffee table is a circle and their coffee table
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: is a long rectangle. My coffee table's dark and their
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: coffee table is light. And so when you don't have
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: the skills of identifying why something looks good and why
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: something looks bad, and I wrote a whole book about that,
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: it's called house Rules. It was my last book, then
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: it's really hard to buy anything because all you want
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: to do is copy people. There's a difference between copying
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: and creating. If you're going to copy someone, you have
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: to have all the exact same things for it to
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: look good. So you can't just copy the three things
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: someone put on their mantle and have it looked like
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: that unless you have the same fireplace. So it's really tricky.
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: You have to have a little bit of like maybe
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: ask yourself, why do I like that? And I know
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: that's hard to think, and so it can be helpful
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: if maybe you gather three or four coffee tables that
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: are styled, and then you start to see a trend
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: and you're like, why do I like that? Okay, I
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: think I like it because it has a plant or
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: it has flowers on it. So then that gives you
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: actual information. So you can say, I'm just gonna I
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: got a flower, and I got flowers growing on my
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: front porch. I'm gonna go cut some put them in
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: a bowl of that color, and see how it looks.
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: So it gives you enough information to start practicing and
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: shopping your house and then bringing things in. Oh, it's
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: got one tall and skinny thing, it's got one shiny thing,
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: and it's got one green Let me just shop my
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: house and practice and like put that in and see
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: how it looks on my table. Well, then maybe you'll
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: put it there and you'll think, Okay, I just put
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: a light colored book on my light colored table and
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: now I know that light color book looked good on
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: their dark table because you could see it and it
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: became invisible, and so you start kind of it's the
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: skill of paying attention. That's all decorating is. We want shortcuts.
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: We want someone to tell us exactly what to get
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: so it will look right. But if you're willing to
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: take a little bit of time and just ask yourself
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: the question, and it's such a beautiful question to ask,
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: because you're asking, what do I like? Why do I
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: like that? What is it about that? And then when
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: you know that, a lot of times maybe you already
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: have the stuff, or maybe you can temporarily steal it
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: from another room and you might say, oh my gosh,
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: I love this vase. I wish I had two of them,
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: or I wish I had a white vase that was
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: a little bit bigger. Next time I go to home goods,
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: I'm going to look for a vase that's this size,
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: but like three or four inches bigger. Now you can
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: shop with confidence you know what you're looking for, and
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: that is the way to style a coffee table.
• 31:48
  Speaker 3: I love that. That is so incredibly, incredibly helpful. Well,
• 31:53
  Speaker 3: I'm so thrilled for you on this new book. I
• 31:55
  Speaker 3: know it's going to do great things, as do all
• 31:58
  Speaker 3: the projects that you put out there with your gorge
• 32:00
  Speaker 3: creative mine. The book is called house Hushing, The Simple
• 32:03
  Speaker 3: Method to Declutter and Decorate for a more Peaceful Home.
• 32:06
  Speaker 3: Where can the listener go to find all the good stuff,
• 32:09
  Speaker 3: the pre order stuff, all that fantastic.
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: Yes, well, it's funny because the one of the pre
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: order bonuses is a thirty minute It's called the thirty
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: minute Style Solution, where I teach you to find your
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: own style. So if you're thinking, but I don't know
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: what I like, because I have felt that way before,
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: I can teach you how to figure out what you
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: like in thirty minutes. And that is the main preorder bonus.
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: When you order house Hushing, or if you're listening the
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: week that it comes out, it's not too late, you
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: can claim your pre order bonus. You will also get
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: the audiobook for free as well, So it's very much
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: worth if you think you're going to get the book,
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: get that book now so that you can claim your
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: free gifts. You're going to go to the Nester dot
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: com and you're going to see right at the top
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: it's going to tell you where to go from there
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: if you're want to follow on Instagram, so you can
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: also find information there.
• 32:58
  Speaker 3: And the book is going to be anywhere.
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: The books that's our soul.
• 33:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah, fantastic. Well we'll get all that in the show
• 33:03
  Speaker 3: notes as always, my friend, it's so good to see you,
• 33:06
  Speaker 3: and you inspire me so much to be more intentional,
• 33:09
  Speaker 3: take a look at my own surroundings and to not
• 33:11
  Speaker 3: beat myself up over the sentimental stuff that I do
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: want to have around, but to also really pay attention
• 33:17
  Speaker 3: to what is demanding my attention. So thank you so
• 33:21
  Speaker 3: much for all your wisdom and all the beauty that
• 33:23
  Speaker 3: you create.
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: Thank you as well. Pleasure to be here.
• 33:26
  Speaker 3: All right, friend, you know what to do. Go to
• 33:28
  Speaker 3: those show notes because that's going to be where you
• 33:30
  Speaker 3: can find all the links and pre order goodies that
• 33:32
  Speaker 3: Michael Linn was talking about. I love it too. When
• 33:34
  Speaker 3: you head over to Instagram. I'm Julie Lyles Carver there.
• 33:37
  Speaker 3: That's where I hang out the most and I want
• 33:38
  Speaker 3: to hear from you the topics, the guests, all the
• 33:41
  Speaker 3: stuff that you want to know about, because that's how
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: we build each and every episode of the show. Check
• 33:47
  Speaker 3: out allmandes dot com, Allmandes on the socials. Incredible community
• 33:50
  Speaker 3: for you of women just like you, trying to figure
• 33:53
  Speaker 3: out all the things. And I will see you next
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: time on the almand Does podcast