Latest / Pod Therapy / #454: Compulsive Sexualizing, Job Hunting, Reaching out to dead friends family

Transcript

#454: Compulsive Sexualizing, Job Hunting, Reaching out to dead friends family · Pod Therapy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: All right. We should probably get on with the show now.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: That means you have to start the music there, Jacob.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: Oh!
• 0:06
  Speaker 3: I've tried to signal you about three times. What's with
• 0:08
  Speaker 3: that music?
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Go on. I'd rather talk about how your wife isn't
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: attracted to you anymore.
• 0:16
  Speaker 4: Jacob's like, go on.
• 0:17
  Speaker 3: From fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada, this is Pod Therapy. Real people,
• 0:20
  Speaker 3: real problems, and real therapists.
• 0:22
  Speaker 5: You can submit your questions anonymously at podtherapy.net or email
• 0:25
  Speaker 5: us at podtherapyguys at gmail.com. And now, broadcasting from the turn,
• 0:29
  Speaker 5: that's Jim, that's Whitney, I'm Nick. It's time for some
• 0:31
  Speaker 5: pot therapy.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: Jim, what size shoe do you wear? Twelve.
• 0:34
  Speaker 5: Good.
• 0:34
  Speaker 6: We're going to send you home with a new pair
• 0:36
  Speaker 6: of shoes. We're going to see if she notices. Oh,
• 0:38
  Speaker 6: that would be really funny.
• 0:40
  Speaker 5: I think it would be funny just to, you should,
• 0:42
  Speaker 5: I don't know, like get a new pair every week.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See how long I keep the
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: facade going.
• 0:48
  Speaker 4: If you start returning to Kohl's, you'll get a discount.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: That's right. See, I didn't know this. I could have
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: been getting Kohl's bucks this whole time. That's on me.
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: Yep.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: Patreon.com slash therapy. You can join our pre-show hangout. Apologies
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: to last week's audience that was looking for the video.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: We had a malfunction. Yep, my fault.
• 1:05
  Speaker 6: It just didn't get recorded. Malfunction was I didn't hit
• 1:07
  Speaker 6: the button. I hit a different button. I hit a button,
• 1:10
  Speaker 6: just not the right button.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: Who knows how these things get done?
• 1:14
  Speaker 4: SJ says it happens a lot.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: Oh, damn! As long as I'm hitting one.
• 1:19
  Speaker 4: That's fair.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: As long as I'm hitting a button.
• 1:22
  Speaker 4: That's fair. She wasn't complaining. She just informed me.
• 1:24
  Speaker 5: Just let them know.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: Patreon.com slash therapy. You can watch this episode if you'd
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: like to and enjoy it through YouTube if you're at
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: the Theropod level or higher. And we've got lots of
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: goodies up there, including this week, Whitney's Beat Picks. That's
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: definitely actually part of the video. It was not planned.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: It did happen.
• 1:43
  Speaker 4: You got to pause right at the right time.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: Good luck. It's blurred, but you'll love it. So patreon.com
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: slash therapy. Go check it out. What form of blurring
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: is it? You know, an ethnic kind. Oh. I mean,
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: you know, just a nationality.
• 1:55
  Speaker 4: An ethnic blurring.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: Well, interesting. I believe is how they pronounce it. We've
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: got some great questions for today's show. And we're leading
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: off the order today with, yikes, my brain is fucked. Hello, Peapods.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: Love the show. Nice ducks. Sorry about the loss of
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: your PhD. Congrats on the PhD. Cool pergola, et cetera,
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: et cetera.
• 2:14
  Speaker 5: Finally getting some respect. Well done.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: Really covering it.
• 2:17
  Speaker 4: Yeah, well, way to go.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: The whole gamut there. I'm an early 30s woman and
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: have always struggled with relationships with men in almost every
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: context and to a degree that feels unhealthy. I work
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: very hard to earn their validation. In my early 20s,
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: my more impulsive years, Seeking this validation put me in
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: many sexually unhealthy and unsafe situations, which I'm sure didn't
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: help anything with my relationship with men as a whole.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: Beyond that, I have what feels like intrusive thoughts or
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: fantasies about them desiring me, then acting on those feelings,
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: and you know the rest, sex. Didn't we answer this question?
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: I don't remember this one. These thought patterns feel intrusive
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: because I don't want to have these thoughts, and it
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: feels like the thoughts are happening to me rather than
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: a choice I make. The thoughts are fairly in-depth and
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: it alters my relationship with men. It feels similar to
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: having a sexy dream about someone and feeling a bit
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: strange around them the next time you see them. But
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: it's far more intense and ongoing. I feel so frustrated
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: when it inevitably happens with a man. who I like
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: and want friendship with. I'm deeply in love with my
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: husband of three years and there isn't anything on the
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: planet that would push me to ever act in any
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: way with another man that could hurt my husband at all. However,
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: because I have these thoughts and feelings, it feels wrong
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: to pour more into those friendships as it feels like cheating.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: A broken, hurt, and noisy piece of my brain desperately
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: wants men I appreciate and like to desire me, allowing
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: me to earn their validation through sex. The unbroken and
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: stable rest of my brain wants to have healthy relationships
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: with people, men included, in my community who have similar
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: values and interests. I'm so deeply tired of this thought pattern,
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: straining every relationship with every man I like. I've talked
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: with my therapist about this, and he thinks this whole
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: thing stems from some abandonment issue. My dad was a
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: complicated and hurt man. who was trying his very best
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: but was also distant and was often controlling and unintentionally
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: unkind to my mom and I, and at times us kids.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: But I've never been abandoned. I've expressed that abandonment doesn't
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: resonate with me, but he thinks it's something tucked away
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: in my brain that we should dig into. Does this
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: all sound like abandonment? Maybe I don't understand what abandonment is,
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: or maybe it's something else entirely. Please advise and fix.
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: Many thanks. Abandonana Bananarama.
• 4:45
  Speaker 4: Abandonana.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: Pillow. There it is.
• 4:47
  Speaker 4: Bananarama.
• 4:49
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: How important.
• 4:51
  Speaker 6: I'm going to ask a weird question, and I want
• 4:53
  Speaker 6: you to answer it in the style of which I'm asking.
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 4:59
  Speaker 6: How important is it to listen to exactly what your
• 5:04
  Speaker 6: therapist is saying and understand Versus kind of like listening
• 5:10
  Speaker 6: to the style of it, the spirit of it. You're
• 5:14
  Speaker 6: saying like, I think you're suffering from abandonment issues. And
• 5:18
  Speaker 6: here are the things that I'd like to do to
• 5:21
  Speaker 6: kind of like go down that road. How much should
• 5:24
  Speaker 6: you pay attention to those words abandonment issues versus how
• 5:28
  Speaker 6: much should you pay attention to like, hey, we're going to.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: Work on something. We're going to try something out here.
• 5:33
  Speaker 6: The doctor thinks that it might be coming from this area,
• 5:37
  Speaker 6: and now we're going to try.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: Some stuff based on that. Am I making sense?
• 5:41
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 5:42
  Speaker 5: Okay. You are to me. Okay, good.
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: Make it make sense to me, then. Okay.
• 5:46
  Speaker 5: Because I've been in a situation before where I have
• 5:49
  Speaker 5: been trying to explain something to somebody that I'm working
• 5:52
  Speaker 5: with and may use a term or a word because
• 5:56
  Speaker 5: it fits best with what I'm trying to explain. Mm-hmm.
• 6:00
  Speaker 5: But they hear it as like a clinical term.
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: And then they get caught up on the term.
• 6:07
  Speaker 5: What does that term mean? And then eventually I'm just
• 6:10
  Speaker 5: kind of like, you know what? Forget I even said that. Right.
• 6:13
  Speaker 5: Let's just go back. That's not the main message.
• 6:15
  Speaker 6: I want to work on X, Y, and Z. X, Y,
• 6:18
  Speaker 6: and Z presents a lot when people are going through
• 6:21
  Speaker 6: abandonment issues. So we're going to– like I want to
• 6:23
  Speaker 6: talk about abandonment issues, but really I want to talk
• 6:26
  Speaker 6: about X, Y, and Z.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: Like those are the real– like I don't know. Yeah.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: Is that kind of what we're looking at? There may
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: be a part of.
• 6:33
  Speaker 5: That, I think.
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: Something I do in session, and I'm curious to hear
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: your thoughts on this, Jim. But if I were this
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: person's therapist and talking about, hey, I wonder if this
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: is coming from abandonment issues, what I will do is
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: I will present my theory. And I usually put it
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: kind of back on the client and I'll say, But
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 6:55
  Speaker 4: Am I totally off with that? What are your thoughts?
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: Because one, I kind of want them to sit and
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: think about it. And two, that gives them an opportunity
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: to say like, oh, no, I think you're way off.
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: And I'll be like, oh, tell me more. So then
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: they can say, well, I don't– Take it to court.
• 7:08
  Speaker 7: Right.
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: I don't really feel that I've been abandoned. And then
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: I can say like, oh, well, maybe I don't mean
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: that word exactly.
• 7:15
  Speaker 4: Maybe I mean this. It kind of opens up the
• 7:17
  Speaker 4: discussion and conversation.
• 7:18
  Speaker 6: Maybe the issue I was referring to was that you
• 7:20
  Speaker 6: haven't been abandoned.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: That's your abandonment issue. It's a lack of abandonment.
• 7:26
  Speaker 7: I know.
• 7:26
  Speaker 5: You needed to be abandoned.
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: I didn't say what the issues with abandonment were.
• 7:32
  Speaker 4: And our session is done.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: Get out. Get out, yeah. I know exactly what you're
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: talking about. It's been five minutes. I think proffering an
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: idea as a hypothesis and holding it loosely is a
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: really important therapeutic skill because I think there's a lot–
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: like I teach my students this all the time. There's
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: this douchebag Dr. Phil-ism. Where it's like you just come
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: in authoritatively and tell them, this is what you are. Well,
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: you caught him.
• 7:55
  Speaker 6: Yeah, this is what you are. This is how you are.
• 7:58
  Speaker 6: And you need to accept that I'm right. Why am
• 8:00
  Speaker 6: I getting brought into this?
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: It's very Freudian, too. Because Freud would classically tell you,
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: you have this thing, you're secretly homosexual, you want to
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: have sex with your mom or whatever. And the more
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: you pushed against that, the more that confirmed his theory,
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: called it resistance. He's like, oh, clearly it must be
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: true because you're fighting against it, which made these silly,
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: unfalsifiable predictions. That's exactly what somebody who wanted to fuck
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: their mom would say. Oh, you would scream, no, no, no,
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: that's not true.
• 8:22
  Speaker 5: It's like telling someone they're in denial.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: Right, yeah. Like it just always would push back. So
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: I agree. I don't love it if the therapist is
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: kind of asserting that as truth. I think that there
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: could be something that is adjacently true to that. Because
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: like a lot of times with men and women, when
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: we notice a preoccupation, With a particular gender, right? And
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: in the writer's case saying like, I crave the affirmation
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: of men. I want to feel their desire for me
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: and to feel that they like me and that they
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: approve of me. You don't have to have an abandonment
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: wound to create that because she does describe her father
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: as aloof, right? And she says like, dad was not present.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: He didn't abandon us. He wasn't engaged with us. That's
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: the better recipe to create the symptoms that she's talking about,
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: which is How did you get dad's attention? When did
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: dad notice you? When did any male notice you? And
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: for a lot of young women, if they never really
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: got– and again, I don't want to overgeneralize here, but
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: speaking for this writer a little bit. For a lot
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: of young women, if they didn't get a lot of
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: male affection and approval or affirmation in this natural, the
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: family kind of way, the first time that they really
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: get noticed and start getting a lot of, holy shit,
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: you're amazing, is whenever they hit puberty. And now they're
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: being sexualized, right? And so– Especially if they happen to
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: develop a little earlier than their peers or something like that.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: So all of a sudden you're getting all this attention
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: and like those neurons are starting to connect and go,
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: this is amazing. And then you, you might find yourself
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: craving that for the rest of your life, even in
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: like quote unquote, non-sexual relationships or relationships that you don't
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: desire to partner with the person. But there's this sense
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: of like, I'll only know if they, really like me
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: if they desire me or i'll only feel i have
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: value in this relationship if there's some of that sexual
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: chemistry there too and then it will baffle the person
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: like why the fuck am i imposing that into every
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: relationship why am i looking for that sometimes that can
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: be part of it and you weren't ever abandoned it's
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: just part of the way that you learned how to
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: interact with the other gender. Yeah.
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: I think it's interesting that your therapist had said there
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: might be something tucked away that y'all can dig at.
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: And maybe there will be another opportunity, Ryder, for you
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: to kind of bring up your thoughts again, because it
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: sounds like you've told your therapist, hey, I've never felt abandoned.
• 10:39
  Speaker 4: I don't think this is it. Maybe they have their
• 10:42
  Speaker 4: own theory.
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: Sometimes I not often, but sometimes I will keep certain
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: theories to myself while I dig around a little bit
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: more with my clients. Um, but so maybe something will
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: come out later, but, um, I don't know. I, I
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: think that it's fair to give them the, the rope,
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: the leeway to say, all right, fine, let's dig around
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: and see what comes, what comes of it. I guess
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: that's kind of what Nick said. Like they might have
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: an idea in their mind, this clinician of what abandonment is,
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: And what they're trying to say by that.
• 11:11
  Speaker 4: And maybe it's not the same thing you're thinking. And
• 11:14
  Speaker 4: they have something else in mind. But I would stick
• 11:16
  Speaker 4: with it.
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: But yeah, don't hold on to that word. Even though
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: your therapist said that.
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: And ask questions. Ask your therapist questions.
• 11:24
  Speaker 5: Great idea.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: What do you mean?
• 11:26
  Speaker 6: I don't think that I have abandonment issues. Why do
• 11:29
  Speaker 6: you think I have abandonment issues?
• 11:30
  Speaker 4: That's a great question.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: Explain this to me like I'm not a therapist. Because
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: I'm not. I had a female patient that had... This
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: exact reality where she had come out of a very,
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: very difficult childhood. There had been a lot of really
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: confusing sexual messages in her childhood. She had survived a cult.
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: I mean there's just a lot of really difficult things
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: that are really challenging for her. And she had this
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: habit of just sexualizing everybody in her life, men and women.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: And it would– she still was able to have a
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: family and have children and like ultimately be a very
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: stable person. But she had this, like, constant over-sexualization that
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: would show up everywhere. And, of course, it found a
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: way into therapy, you know, where it, like, showed up.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: And we were able to talk about it in this
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: really candid way to be like, hey, let's talk about
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: the words you're using. Let's talk about some of the
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: innuendo that's here. And let's discuss it. Like, let's just
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: call that on the table. And so she at first
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: was like, oh, no, I'm so sorry. But she owned it.
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: She was like, yeah, yeah. I think I do this
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: with every man in my life. And I was like, well,
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: so far, every man you've ever talked about in session,
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: you've sexualized. So I kind of figured this was coming.
• 12:43
  Speaker 3: Right. You're prepared.
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: Right. And so she was like, yeah. And like, I
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: do catch that. I do that. And it's like, let's
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: unpack that though. And so like, there was actually, I
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: think a lot of like health to having a male
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: therapist for her in that situation, because I was able
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: to sort of like.
• 12:58
  Speaker 4: You can have an honest.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: Right. Like, what does it look like to receive therapy?
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: care and attention and affirmation and value with just a
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: completely dormant platonic dynamic. Like we're not going to put
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: even a sprinkle of seasoning into this relationship. Can you
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: handle that? Or does it still feel like there's something
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: missing and that you can't trust it? So it gave
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: her an opportunity to like hold up a mirror and
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: look at the emotions that she was feeling in that dynamic.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: And then of course we went forward from there and
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: tried to question a lot of the other, you know,
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: relationships she had with men and It was just a
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: pervasive thing in her life. Sure.
• 13:31
  Speaker 5: It also is very easy in that particular situation when
• 13:35
  Speaker 5: your female clients see that you're wearing Skechers.
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They know you're not. It goes
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: a long way.
• 13:40
  Speaker 5: I do not see this man as a sexual.
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: He's like, I'm trying to sexualize him and nothing's working.
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: It is the cold shower that is necessary.
• 13:49
  Speaker 5: So for the writer, just imagine these men in Skechers.
• 13:53
  Speaker 5: Just imagine them in sweatpants and Skechers.
• 13:55
  Speaker 4: The sweatpants of the feet.
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: The sweatpants of the feet, ladies.
• 13:59
  Speaker 4: You should be in advertising.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: Just, you know, fully actualized. That's what I am. Don't
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: give a fuck anymore.
• 14:06
  Speaker 6: It's the same result of those horrible practices with the
• 14:10
  Speaker 6: female circumcision.
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: It's basically the same thing. It's essentially the same thing.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: An orgasm is equally possible between those two possibilities.
• 14:17
  Speaker 5: Are you trying to say we need to contact the UN?
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm saying that we shouldn't write it off.
• 14:22
  Speaker 4: For his wife's sake.
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: Jim Skechers.
• 14:24
  Speaker 4: We've got to stop him.
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: I'm saying we should dial 9-1 and then see what happens.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: Just hovering. I like in the same episode, we have
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: Whitney's feet in the video and my Skechers. So, you know,
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: hot and cold right there.
• 14:39
  Speaker 5: You know, just burstable. Extreme.
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: I'm just trying to keep everybody on the edge of
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: their seat, man. This is just pure edging.
• 14:45
  Speaker 4: Whose feet are you going to see?
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: You don't know.
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: I don't know. Just, you know, take a deep breath.
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: Go either direction here. Check out our new website.
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 14:57
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: The videos are going. So I do want to talk
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: about the compulsive sexualization though, because I do, I mean,
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: we're talking about abandonment a little bit. We're talking about,
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: you know, giving some feedback on how to interact with
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: a therapist and talk about that. But I do want
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: to zoom in on what is almost OCD level behavior.
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: And so like a lot of people will have intrusive thoughts,
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: but with OCD kind of stuff, this compulsive idea will
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: pop into your head. I need to wash my hands or,
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: Something is unclean or I am contaminated. And then there's
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: this compulsive need to behave as if that's true, right,
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: and to sate that fear, that concept. I wonder if
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: this kind of thinking– it sounds like the writer is saying, look,
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: this is– in the later paragraphs of the letter, it
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: says this is mentally exhausting for me. Every relationship I
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: have with men, I am imposing sexualization on them. I
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: am finding myself wanting them to want me. And instead
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: of just thinking about the project we need to do
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: or that he's bagging up these groceries and I got
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: to get my receipt, I'm forcing sexuality into the relationship
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: somehow cognitively. And the writer says, look, I have control
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: over my behaviors.
• 16:12
  Speaker 6: I've had different phases of my life where I did
• 16:13
  Speaker 6: act out, but this is not that.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: I'm safe. But I do want to talk about almost
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: like the obsessive compulsive nature of really intrusive thoughts because
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: I've seen this happen before. And I think like a
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: letter coming from a woman's perspective with sexuality I think
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: is not on brand, right? We'd usually expect there to
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: be a male letter like this. But I've had patients
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: that have identified for themselves that they identify as sexually addicted.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: And this is one of the things that I'll hear
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: and it's adjacent to OCD. But sometimes they'll tell me
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: I am sexualizing every woman in my life. I am
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: immediately checking them out. I'm immediately having sexual thoughts about them. And,
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: but they'll tell me like, I'm not gonna do anything.
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: Everybody doesn't do this. Okay. Yeah. So that person I
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: was describing is Jacob. Okay.
• 16:56
  Speaker 6: He sends this to me in voice memos, just everywhere
• 16:58
  Speaker 6: he goes. He lets me know what he's Snapchat. Yeah.
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: A lot of snaps.
• 17:01
  Speaker 5: I get a lot of snaps.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: It's really fun filters though. They're really exciting, but no,
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: I've seen this from male patients where they're, you know,
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: we identify a sex addiction as part of this. And again,
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: I know that that can be a fuzzy word. I
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: think people might have hangups about that word. Um, but
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: I just want to, Bring that up to the room
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: a little bit to like suss some of that out
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: because it could be, as we look at what this
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: person's going through, it isn't as simple as an abandonment wound.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: It isn't as simple as, you know, the way that
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: your brain sort of formed how it likes to interact
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: with their genders. There can be a thing where there's
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: been a lot of reinforcement around sexuality and it can
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: become like a semi-compulsive high libido thing that you're constantly
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: wrestling with and is intrusive in your life. Maybe you're
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: not acting out right now, but that could be a thing,
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: and I'm wondering what y'all think about that.
• 17:51
  Speaker 6: Oh, I was going to say, too, the communication of it,
• 17:55
  Speaker 6: I mean, you can see how easily this happens.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 17:59
  Speaker 6: Because this is a method that for your entire life
• 18:03
  Speaker 6: has gotten results.
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 18:05
  Speaker 6: This is a communication method that through your entire– forget
• 18:08
  Speaker 6: about being sex.
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 18:09
  Speaker 6: If you just– if you replaced sexual thoughts with yelling–
• 18:14
  Speaker 6: If every time I spoke to someone, I yelled and
• 18:18
  Speaker 6: you said, why do you always yell at people and say, well,
• 18:20
  Speaker 6: because every time I yell at people, they do what
• 18:22
  Speaker 6: I asked them to do.
• 18:24
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 18:24
  Speaker 6: Like, yeah, if every time I interact with someone, they,
• 18:29
  Speaker 6: they give me what I want. And I've discovered that
• 18:31
  Speaker 6: I can work with that through, you know, any, any
• 18:34
  Speaker 6: kind of sex, not, not physical contact even, but, you know,
• 18:37
  Speaker 6: just flirting discussion, whatever you want to call it.
• 18:41
  Speaker 5: Like that's an.
• 18:42
  Speaker 6: Easy, that's easy to look at and just say like, yes,
• 18:45
  Speaker 6: that has been reinforced your entire life.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 18:48
  Speaker 6: So why wouldn't you have, why wouldn't that be an
• 18:52
  Speaker 6: easy rhythm for you to fall into?
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 18:55
  Speaker 5: Now, I think with this particular example, like the writer
• 18:58
  Speaker 5: is talking about these intrusive sexual thoughts, but not actually
• 19:04
  Speaker 5: acting on them.
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: It's true.
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 19:05
  Speaker 5: Which is progress from where she was apparently, you know,
• 19:08
  Speaker 5: in her 20s. So part of me is also kind
• 19:11
  Speaker 5: of wondering, kind of with the intrusive thoughts, like a
• 19:16
  Speaker 5: lot of the mental and emotional stress that you're going
• 19:22
  Speaker 5: through is the fact that you're having this thought, you
• 19:25
  Speaker 5: don't want to have this thought, and then you get
• 19:27
  Speaker 5: upset about having this thought, which gives the thought even
• 19:32
  Speaker 5: more power, right?
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
• 19:34
  Speaker 5: And so then now you become even frustrated, like, God
• 19:36
  Speaker 5: damn it, why do I keep doing this?
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 19:38
  Speaker 5: But what if, I don't know, if you just kind
• 19:41
  Speaker 5: of had this thought of like, oh, yeah, I just
• 19:43
  Speaker 5: had this thought about this person sexually.
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: Sure.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: Huh.
• 19:48
  Speaker 5: Weird.
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: Yep.
• 19:49
  Speaker 5: Weird.
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 19:51
  Speaker 5: I've caught it. I'm not going to judge it. I'm
• 19:53
  Speaker 5: just going to be like, okay, yep. That was, that
• 19:56
  Speaker 5: was this part of my brain that seeks this validation.
• 19:59
  Speaker 5: I know what it is. I've got, I've got a
• 20:02
  Speaker 5: way to describe it, picture it. I can take some
• 20:05
  Speaker 5: of the power away from it. And I just like, okay,
• 20:06
  Speaker 5: now I'm going to move on.
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: Like a mindfulness approach.
• 20:09
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: Well, that's usually the go-to for those OCD thoughts that
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: seem so extreme or taboo. You're like, there's no way
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: I'm acting on this.
• 20:20
  Speaker 4: I love my husband.
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: I'm going to stick with him. But they feel out
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: of my control, that initial thought. And that's exactly what
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: I would tell my clients to do, Nick, is you
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: almost– I even tell them to say it out loud
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: because sometimes saying it out loud, they think that gives
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: it power.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: You're fucking hot. Yeah.
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: Don't say it.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: I'm thinking about you. Looking at you, Statue of Liberty.
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: Goddamn those sandals. So good.
• 20:46
  Speaker 4: The feet.
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: So good.
• 20:48
  Speaker 5: This is definitely a foot-heavy episode.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. Oh, Statue of Liberty's feet. You know what?
• 20:53
  Speaker 5: I'm going to take my shoes off.
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah, baby.
• 20:55
  Speaker 4: Get comfy.
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: Get comfortable. Let's just all relax a little bit. I'm
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: going to keep on my Skechers because this is how
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: I'm more relaxed. Because that's how you feel sexy. That's
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: also how I feel sexy. You know, my body, my choice, guys.
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: Mm-hmm. Saying it out loud, not necessarily to the person.
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: It brings up a good little caveat there. Don't say
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: it to the person.
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: In therapy, perhaps.
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: Oh, man, I had a sex dream about you last night.
• 21:18
  Speaker 3: That's why I just wink. I don't say anything. When
• 21:20
  Speaker 3: I see them the next morning. I give them a
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: wink and a little attaboy.
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: You did great.
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: A little ass tap. Good game. Good game. You did awesome.
• 21:34
  Speaker 4: Oh my gosh.
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: But yeah, it does take the power away because sometimes
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: it feels mysterious and that that mysteriousness or that mystery
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: gives it more power and so um just acknowledging it
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: internally if you feel like you need to say something
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: externally like yeah i'm thinking about having sex with that
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: person sometimes it almost sounds so absurd right saying out
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: loud that you're like no i don't why i don't
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: want to do that like i love my husband like
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: and it almost kind of shoots you totally.
• 22:05
  Speaker 4: The other way where you're like yeah fuck that like
• 22:07
  Speaker 4: i do not want to do.
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: That yeah I like that. I think we're also– I
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: think this goes back to what you were saying, Nick.
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: Like being careful about shame and guilt. Yes. And also
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: being careful like to not– having a sexual thought of
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: somebody else doesn't mean you love your husband any less.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: Those are different things. It's a passive thought. You're a
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: sexual being. I think those things can all coexist without
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: there being an indictment on one or the other. But
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: I really like your thought there. There's a difference between
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: looking at something in the window and buying it. This
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: is true. But like exposure therapy almost.
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: Not for Nick.
• 22:35
  Speaker 4: He buys it all.
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: Not for now. If it's on Instagram. I mean, if
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: it's on Instagram, he's kidding. I can't help that. No,
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: but I agree with your thought of like exposure therapy almost.
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: Like saying the thing out loud, pulling it from your
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: mind and just squaring into it for a second so
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: you can just watch it dissolve and realize like, yeah, no,
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: that would never happen. I don't care. And I don't
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: need that person's affirmation. And if I did, that's not
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: the way I would want it. And also another thing,
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: if there is a component of this which sounds similar
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: to sexual addiction, one thing we teach in that is
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: playing the tape forward, right? So there's a lot of
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: people that experience craving for their drug of choice. And
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: they'll sit there and have that euphoric recall and fantasize
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: about it all the time. They're like, God, I wish
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: I could fucking stop thinking about this. And ironically, going
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: back to Whitney's point, sometimes the treatment we'll give them is,
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: Actually do think about it, but let's complete the thought.
• 23:27
  Speaker 5: That's it.
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: Don't just imagine, you know, taking a shot of tequila.
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: Actually imagine the rest of the night. Like there you
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: are 10 shots deep. Now you're getting a DUI on
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: the way home. Now you're waking up with, you know,
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: heart palpitations and all this shit in the middle of
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: the night. Like now you're hung over the next day.
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: Now how do you feel?
• 23:42
  Speaker 6: And it doesn't have to be worst-case scenario. It doesn't
• 23:45
  Speaker 6: have to be I'm getting DUIs on the way home.
• 23:48
  Speaker 6: It can just be like, man, I had a few
• 23:50
  Speaker 6: shots in, and I started slurring my words a little bit, and.
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: That's a little embarrassing.
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 23:55
  Speaker 6: Just play the whole thing through. I don't like when
• 23:57
  Speaker 6: I get like that. I feel a little embarrassed every
• 24:00
  Speaker 6: time I get like that.
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: I'm a grown-up. I should be able to comport myself
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: a little better than that. Yeah. No, that's the real
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: life test. And when you play the tape forward like that,
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: it's actually a really good orienting buzzkill to the euphoric recall.
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: Because the craving will always flash like, oh, this would
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: be amazing. This would be amazing. This is amazing.
• 24:16
  Speaker 4: It's only the good part.
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: But when you just play it all the way through,
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: you're like, oh, no. Actually, that wouldn't be that great. Well,
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: it's emotional versus intellectual.
• 24:22
  Speaker 5: Yes.
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Whenever you actually play it through, that could be
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: one more intervention that you might play with your writer.
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: But I do want to normalize what you're going through.
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: I've definitely worked with people that have experienced this. Sometimes
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: there is a historical component. Sometimes there is a family dynamic.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: Sometimes there is sort of a brokenness in there. The
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: last episode, we talked about the adult chair and transactional
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: analysis of like, you know, the adult me versus the
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: teenage me versus the child me. And sometimes that work
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: can be really, really helpful with a situation like this.
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: I like the dialogue you're having with your therapist. I
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: would encourage you to go back as Whitney was talking
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: about before and just kind of encouraging an open-minded exploration
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: of this issue rather than slam dunking on abandonment. Or
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: if your therapist is like, no, I'm really sure that
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: that's prevalent here.
• 25:05
  Speaker 5: Great.
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: Ask him to say, you know, will you teach me why? Like,
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: what do you see that I don't see? Can you
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: kind of connect those dots? Because I don't know that
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: there's a smoking gun of abandonment in my life, but
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: maybe I'm thinking that word means only one thing. And
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: maybe the way you want to understand it is something
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: much different than that. This is what I think when
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: I hear that. Yeah.
• 25:23
  Speaker 6: And I don't think that's what I'm going through here.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: Teach me what you're thinking. So, yeah, explain this to me.
• 25:28
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: But I love that you're going to work on it, Ryder.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: I just encourage you to keep swinging on that problem.
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: I think that that's something that a lot of people
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: get better with. There's a desensitizing over time that's with
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: this as well. And I have seen people make a
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: lot of progress with it. So I'm glad you wrote in.
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: I think this is something we don't get to talk
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: enough about. I like unusual problems like this because there's
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: always going to be a listener that's like, son of
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: a bitch. I really relate to that, but I'm too
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: embarrassed to talk about it. Yeah, absolutely. Thank you. Thank
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: you for that. And it's okay if you sexualize the
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: host of Pod Therapy. We are selling feet pics at patreon.com.
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: Perfect episode to start. We're mainly giving them away. We're
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: bad at this. We're not pricing them market price.
• 26:08
  Speaker 4: If you want my feet finder, just DM me.
• 26:10
  Speaker 5: Listen, you pay. We choose which feet.
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: That's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Feet roulette up in this bitch.
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: It could be anybody. We're taking a quick break. And
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: when we come back, we're talking about how much should
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: I compromise to live? You're listening to Pod Therapy.
• 26:26
  Speaker 5: And today's episode is brought to you by Jake Schneider, Malia,
• 26:29
  Speaker 5: Richard Macy, Sonny Boy, Thunder Cougar, Falcon Scoop, Slurpy Guy, Motherfucker,
• 26:33
  Speaker 5: Sandra McWaffle, Alina, Gabriella Dame, Adam Warren, and not Keira Knightley.
• 26:39
  Speaker 5: Would you like to sponsor the show? Become a therapy
• 26:40
  Speaker 5: producer at patreon.com slash therapy. All right, Jacob, continuing on
• 26:45
  Speaker 5: with our Disney lyrics, Disney lyrics, Disney songs. Here we go.
• 26:51
  Speaker 5: In Hellfire from the Hunchback of Notre Dame, Frollo, I think,
• 26:58
  Speaker 5: sings that Esmeralda is either his or she will be what?
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: I have no idea. There's multiple choice. Oh, yeah. Do
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: me a choice. I don't think I've ever seen the
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: Hunchback Disney movie. You missed out on nothing. That's what I... Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: You're better off. No one has ever been like, God!
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: You haven't seen... You need to see that now!
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 27:19
  Speaker 5: Cast into exile, condemned to his dungeon, burned, or forever
• 27:25
  Speaker 5: out of reach.
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: I mean, forever out of reach sounds like a Disney lyric.
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: Let's go there.
• 27:32
  Speaker 3: No.
• 27:33
  Speaker 5: You're not thinking Disney enough.
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: Disney's dark.
• 27:36
  Speaker 5: It goes to Whitney.
• 27:39
  Speaker 4: Was B the dungeon one?
• 27:41
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 27:42
  Speaker 4: I'm going to go with that one.
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: No, that's not it. I know what it is now.
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: It's the fire one. It's the burned one. Yeah, because
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: I forgot it's a religious thing. It's very religious. It's
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: Hunchback of Notre Dame.
• 27:50
  Speaker 5: It's Catholic.
• 27:50
  Speaker 6: He's like the priest and he's like, you will either
• 27:52
  Speaker 6: fuck me or I will literally kill you with fire.
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: I forgot. Like a great Disney movie.
• 27:57
  Speaker 4: That's a Disney movie?
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 27:59
  Speaker 5: Also, the name of the song is Hellfire.
• 28:01
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: There was a pretty good hint in there.
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: Jesus.
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: But also, shit burger movie. Just terrible.
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 28:06
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 28:07
  Speaker 6: The Christians get upset when you accurately represent them. Oh,
• 28:10
  Speaker 6: there was that too.
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: They don't like it.
• 28:12
  Speaker 5: They get a little.
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: Close to home. Yep. Didn't like that part.
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: Whitney.
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: Whitney.
• 28:17
  Speaker 5: Savages from Pocahontas includes both sides of- One of the
• 28:22
  Speaker 5: not good songs. Calling each other savages.
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 28:25
  Speaker 5: The governor's soldiers sing, they're different from us, which means
• 28:29
  Speaker 5: they can't be trusted. The Poetan warrior sings the exact
• 28:34
  Speaker 5: same line back, What does this musical choice illustrate?
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: I mean, obviously, it's options. Oh, really?
• 28:43
  Speaker 5: You want options? Yes, please. Okay, let me unhighlight this because, yeah,
• 28:47
  Speaker 5: that does make sense. A technical oversight in the composition.
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: That's it.
• 28:53
  Speaker 5: That both sides share identical fears about the unknown. That
• 28:58
  Speaker 5: prejudice and dehumanization operate by the same logic regardless of
• 29:02
  Speaker 5: who deploys them. Or B and C, this was intentional
• 29:08
  Speaker 5: and is genuinely sophisticated for a 1995 G-rated film.
• 29:13
  Speaker 6: The way that question was phrased, I thought it was
• 29:17
  Speaker 6: a musical question.
• 29:18
  Speaker 4: I did too.
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: I thought the answer was going to be like CODA. Yeah.
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: That is a coda. That's a repeat.
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: I know.
• 29:27
  Speaker 4: So it's D, right? It's got to be.
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it is.
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: It's got to be D.
• 29:32
  Speaker 4: That's every multiple choice if it says multiple.
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: Anytime Emma gives you an answer that says or all
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: of them.
• 29:38
  Speaker 4: All of the above.
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: That one. Yeah.
• 29:40
  Speaker 4: I know Pocahontas so well. Thank you.
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: Savages, savages. Barely even human.
• 29:46
  Speaker 5: Oh. Okay.
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: Now I've watched a lot of Pocahontas.
• 29:49
  Speaker 5: Yeah, it's weird. Here you go.
• 29:51
  Speaker 4: He loves her.
• 29:52
  Speaker 5: Which Beauty and the Beast song was removed from the
• 29:55
  Speaker 5: original theatrical film because its lyrics created problems with the
• 29:59
  Speaker 5: story's timeline and only to be restored for the 2002
• 30:03
  Speaker 5: special edition.
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: Fuck.
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: My ass.
• 30:10
  Speaker 7: Fuck my ass. One by one, you'll fuck my ass.
• 30:12
  Speaker 7: I'll give you a pass. Tie your napkin around your neck, Sherry,
• 30:17
  Speaker 7: and you can fuck my ass. Course by course, one
• 30:22
  Speaker 7: by one, until you shout, enough, I'm done.
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: This thing could work.
• 30:28
  Speaker 3: Really well we could really just that's going on the
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: seafood sugar cookie holiday album it's gonna.
• 30:34
  Speaker 4: Be excellent the disney album.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: Okay a song that was removed from the original re-released
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: in the 2002 which i don't think would have been
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: the live action one in 2002 no because it was
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: the girl played hermione she had been too young so
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: this song was in all right i'm gonna need options
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: i guess.
• 30:53
  Speaker 5: There are no options because I went to chat GPT
• 30:57
  Speaker 5: and I said, give me the hardest Disney song questions.
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: Oh, my God. I just have to name it.
• 31:03
  Speaker 5: You just got to know this.
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: You just got to know this. I guess I just
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: don't know it.
• 31:07
  Speaker 5: It's time to man up now.
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: You got to show your worth.
• 31:10
  Speaker 4: I'll make a man.
• 31:11
  Speaker 6: Yeah, it was I'll make a man out of you
• 31:13
  Speaker 6: from Mulan. That was out of sync with time.
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: We're out in just seven days.
• 31:18
  Speaker 4: They thought this was what we attributed to these.
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: I can make you.
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: Do you, in your answer, do you have like, okay,
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: here's the song title and then like a quick blurb
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: that says why it was controversial or something?
• 31:28
  Speaker 5: No, just the song title.
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: All right, then I got nothing. I mean, I could
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: probably guess what scene and context it would be in,
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: but yeah, I mean, you don't have that. Go ahead.
• 31:36
  Speaker 6: Go ahead.
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: I don't think it would matter. We wouldn't be able
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: to validate it. So why don't you just go ahead
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: and tell us the title.
• 31:43
  Speaker 5: Human Again.
• 31:43
  Speaker 6: Oh.
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 31:45
  Speaker 6: The song was written by Alan Menken and Howard Ashman
• 31:48
  Speaker 6: for the original 1991 movie, cut during production because of
• 31:51
  Speaker 6: its length and story pacing issues.
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that makes sense. It was left out.
• 31:56
  Speaker 6: Oh, it was brought back in for the Broadway musical
• 32:00
  Speaker 6: adaptation in 94.
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: Okay, Jim, how about this?
• 32:03
  Speaker 5: Which song replaced Human Again in the original theatrical version
• 32:07
  Speaker 5: of Beauty and the Beast?
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: It must have been the outro song. And so that
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: would be... They reprise... Yeah, they reprise the library song
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: because they all sing like... The library song. Oh, fuck.
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: What's that song called? It's old as time. Beauty and
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: the Beast. I think it's called Beauty and the Beast. Yeah.
• 32:28
  Speaker 5: Oh, the answer is something there.
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: Oh, there might be something there.
• 32:32
  Speaker 4: Oh, there must be something there.
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: Okay, that's fine.
• 32:34
  Speaker 5: Yeah. Okay.
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: Great.
• 32:35
  Speaker 5: A lot of songs about missing or deleted songs.
• 32:39
  Speaker 4: A lot of deleted songs.
• 32:41
  Speaker 5: This is really difficult.
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: I like the fruit. I'll give you an easier one. Okay.
• 32:48
  Speaker 4: They don't get options.
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: Oh, something there. I don't recognize these lyrics at all.
• 32:53
  Speaker 4: Let's keep Beauty.
• 32:55
  Speaker 5: And the Beast going. In Beauty and the Beast, daring
• 32:58
  Speaker 5: be our guest, what dessert is specifically mentioned alongside pie?
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: The dishes.
• 33:04
  Speaker 4: The gray stuff.
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: I think it's the gray stuff. It's delicious. Don't believe me.
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: But the pie is. flambe um it's um bill cosby
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: would love it creme brulee maybe something something flambe my
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: ass jesus christ.
• 33:23
  Speaker 6: Just really not helping but i'll fuck your ass i
• 33:27
  Speaker 6: think it's cheese flambe.
• 33:29
  Speaker 4: No it's pudding pudding he gave me the bill cosby
• 33:32
  Speaker 4: hint oh I wasn't listening.
• 33:34
  Speaker 5: I know.
• 33:35
  Speaker 4: I know.
• 33:37
  Speaker 5: All right. I can't make it easier than that.
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: You cannot. How much should I compromise to live? Hey, gang.
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: She is a hot, supple 19-year-old. There you go. I
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: never knew that was about Jim's wife. Yeah. Yeah. That
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: she was a hot, supple 19-year-old when I married her.
• 33:53
  Speaker 5: Two years into their marriage.
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: One year. For legal reasons. What a life. Hey gang,
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: Alec here. Part rant, part question incoming. Some of y'all
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: may know that I'm set to defend my dissertation for
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: my PhD in physics on September 24th. Thanks to my
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: impending graduation, my anxieties have evolved like a Pokemon. From
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: the anxiety of finishing my dissertation to the existential dread
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: of imposter syndrome and trying to find a job.
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: Fun!
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: To be honest, the job market for recent graduates in
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: physics is really shitty. but I imagine it's not much
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: better elsewhere.
• 34:35
  Speaker 3: Nope.
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: Nope.
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: Everybody else is doing great. We're all killing it. Just physics.
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: Just the physics folks. You're the only ones who are hurting.
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: The number of available positions compared to the number of
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: applicants is very low. I've already applied to something like
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: 15 positions and only heard back from one Carleton university
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: in Canada. If you're listening, you should really schedule that interview.
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: You asked me if I was available for a month ago, Thanks.
• 35:00
  Speaker 3: We would help you, but we in the United States
• 35:02
  Speaker 3: do not have a whole lot of pull right now
• 35:04
  Speaker 3: for Canadians.
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: The Canadians don't answer our calls. I don't know. That's
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: the Instagram ad I've been getting is move to Canada. Oh, okay.
• 35:11
  Speaker 6: I've been getting hit with targeted Instagram ads to relocate
• 35:15
  Speaker 6: to Canada.
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: I was getting those a few years ago. Made by who?
• 35:17
  Speaker 5: Canada?
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: It seems to be Canadian government ads.
• 35:18
  Speaker 4: Can we all look into Instagram after this? I want
• 35:20
  Speaker 4: to see what ads we're all getting.
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: We're all going through each other's IGs.
• 35:23
  Speaker 5: I don't want to do that.
• 35:25
  Speaker 3: We're getting very different ads. I'm getting a lot of
• 35:27
  Speaker 3: black women ads. As I discussed in the last episode.
• 35:30
  Speaker 3: Why are they advertising women to you?
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm uncomfortable with it. I didn't ask
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: for any of this. I click to find out why
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: they're doing it.
• 35:41
  Speaker 5: You look very comfortable. In those comfortable shoes.
• 35:44
  Speaker 4: It should be silly.
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: Alec continues. Some scene settings. If I wanted to make
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: lots of money, I would have never pursued a degree
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: in physics. Honestly, all I want is to teach at
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: a university and do research. Unfortunately, all the current professors
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: refuse to retire or die. So that's not going to happen.
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: Jim often talks about academia being like a mafia, and
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: I am feeling that so hard right now. I feel
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: as though I have to get a postdoc right now
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: if I want to even have a chance to teach eventually.
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: If I don't, I basically have to exit academia forever.
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: But postdocs are hard to get and horribly underpaid compared
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: to the qualifications they require. What's postdoc? After you get
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: your PhD, it's basically just being like an assistant somewhere.
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: And it's like it's a. minimum wage shitty job huh
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: but you have to have a phd to do it
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: all right and you're basically just working somewhere in the
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: university as a helper okay but sometimes it's like a
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: foot in the door and then you wait for like
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: a real professorship to open up and get your shot
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: so there's something i should do yeah i should take
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: my phd yeah yeah yeah just you know get your
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: foot in the door.
• 36:51
  Speaker 6: I have a postdoc i have a doctorate let me
• 36:53
  Speaker 6: get this postdoc.
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: Sitting there gathering moss right Yeah, but I'm going to
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: get that big gig. You're going to go get the
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: professorship that I was denied? Big gig energy.
• 37:04
  Speaker 6: If I thought that I could get a professor job
• 37:06
  Speaker 6: that Jim had tried for.
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: Just to rub my fucking nose in it. Oh, I
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: would come up with a lesson plan.
• 37:12
  Speaker 3: I think it would be great to have Jim apply
• 37:15
  Speaker 3: for a job with you.
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 37:17
  Speaker 5: And then you can call him in for an interview.
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. Like the Matt Damon switcheroo in Good Will Hunting.
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: I love it. It's hard not to feel that I
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: shouldn't have to compromise after 10 years going deeply into
• 37:29
  Speaker 1: debt for universities and then getting paid minimum wage during
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: my PhD. Yes, I have some self-imposed limitations, the biggest
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: one being I refuse to move back to the U.S.
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: after experience life in France and Switzerland. But I can't
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: escape the feeling that it shouldn't be this hard for
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: someone like me to find a job. I can't imagine
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: how much worse it must be for someone just now
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: trying to decide if they want to go to university
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: or or pursue even higher education. It feels like it's
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: only getting worse, not better. So, my question. Are my
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: standards just too high? Should I really have to settle
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: for something that isn't what I want after 10 years
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: of schooling? Should I just abandon the idea of staying
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: in academia and try to go work for some investment
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: bank as a quantitative researcher? Barf. Any advice would be helpful. Signed, Alec.
• 38:19
  Speaker 5: P.S.
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: Fun fact. I now effectively have as many PhDs as Jacob.
• 38:24
  Speaker 4: Oh, shoot. I bet Jacob spent less.
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: Congratulations. Well, I don't know. Welcome to the club.
• 38:30
  Speaker 2: Jacob spent less years getting it, but you spent a
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: lot of years on here trying.
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: To get that. I mean, I put my hours in.
• 38:34
  Speaker 2: You did.
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: You've been doing the show for nine years. Yeah. I
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: put my fucking time in.
• 38:38
  Speaker 5: The thing people don't understand is that Jacob just, he
• 38:41
  Speaker 5: didn't just start off with that bet. He had to.
• 38:44
  Speaker 5: you had to grease the wheel there was a lot
• 38:46
  Speaker 5: of smaller you played the.
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: Long game he's also successfully defended.
• 38:49
  Speaker 6: Multiple challenges to get it back playing the game implies
• 38:53
  Speaker 6: that i've somehow like gamed this no no no he
• 38:55
  Speaker 6: puts it back on the block it goes up every
• 38:57
  Speaker 6: year i just haven't gotten it back i'm like you're
• 39:00
  Speaker 6: talking about defending your thesis i'm defending my fucking.
• 39:02
  Speaker 3: Degree in a much harder way i don't know what
• 39:07
  Speaker 3: else you want.
• 39:10
  Speaker 6: As I'm saying this out loud, I believe that I
• 39:12
  Speaker 6: could genuinely talk myself into getting a job that required
• 39:14
  Speaker 6: a PhD.
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: With that argument.
• 39:16
  Speaker 4: I absolutely think you could.
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: I think I could talk myself into that.
• 39:18
  Speaker 2: A work-from-home position where you could just do your own
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: normal job and get paid.
• 39:22
  Speaker 5: For that one.
• 39:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: Oh, Alex. I'm going to go ahead and start looking.
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: I feel you, brother. So academia is like a mafia.
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: It is so hard. to get in it. It is really,
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: really frustrating. And I really feel for people that are
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: coming from the physics background as well. It's one of
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: those disciplines that I have such enormous respect for, like
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: the math and science mastery that he's done all these
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: years of research. He literally works at CERN. He's written
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: us letters about what it's like over there. He sent
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: us an awesome picture of what it's like over there.
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: I mean he's on the ground floor of the future
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: of science. Like you just cannot imitate that level of experience.
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: But physics as a job industry, it's hard to find
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: it in the marketplace, right? Like I mean you just
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: don't jump on Indeed, type in physics, and there's like
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: all these applications of that concept. Now, I'm sure that
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: you can. I'm sure that there's like industrial work that
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: involves physics. Like you could study chemistry. You can get
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: into chemistry that does like– Sounds like.
• 40:23
  Speaker 4: You need to specialize.
• 40:24
  Speaker 5: Right.
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: You could work for like an oil company.
• 40:25
  Speaker 6: I mean we're not going to know what jobs you
• 40:27
  Speaker 6: can get with a physics degree because none of us
• 40:28
  Speaker 6: have physics degrees.
• 40:29
  Speaker 5: I mean or making fake cologne that you sell on Instagram.
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, by reverse engineering the formula.
• 40:36
  Speaker 4: Unlimited potential income there.
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: So many opportunities to scam good people. I think that
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: that's really what he should be doing with his PhD.
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: But yeah, for him to say, look, maybe physics does
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: have a lot of market appeal in some places, but
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: he is kind of taking those off the board, right?
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: So he asks us, am I being a little too
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: high standard here? And I just want to point this out.
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: I don't even think of physics as a huge market
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: availability just with tons and tons of application. But let's
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: assume it does have a lot of application in industrial
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: work or in manufacturing or things like that. Maybe there
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: are places where you can really use that. You're taking
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: all that off the table and saying I only will
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: accept academia and I'll only accept it on this continent,
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: like over here in Europe. I think you are kind
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: of like– I think so. There's a lot of fish
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: in the ocean. There's not a lot of fish in
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: a pond. Especially– like my family all works in academia.
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: My brother currently works in academia. My brother is currently
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: teaching at a university in Cambodia.
• 41:33
  Speaker 6: I mean Cambodia and universities, that's not the only continent.
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: That he looked for employment on.
• 41:40
  Speaker 7: Right.
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: But that's where he's at right now. Right.
• 41:44
  Speaker 6: From his experience, from people that I see around, if
• 41:49
  Speaker 6: you're– like an old friend of mine, he weirdly bounced
• 41:54
  Speaker 6: back and forth between Princeton and Harvard doing research. He's
• 41:58
  Speaker 6: a research doctor, a research professor.
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: It sounds like kind of what you're wanting to be.
• 42:02
  Speaker 6: And what he always said was like if you get
• 42:06
  Speaker 6: one of those jobs, you got to take the job.
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah. It's like being an NFL head coach. Right.
• 42:12
  Speaker 6: When you have something that there are only X number
• 42:15
  Speaker 6: of jobs around, if one of those jobs comes up,
• 42:19
  Speaker 6: you've got to be prepared to take that job. Even
• 42:20
  Speaker 6: if it's on the Cleveland Browns.
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: That's it. You're going.
• 42:22
  Speaker 5: That's it.
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: You're going to do it for a little while, and
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: then you're going to transfer out of it. It's like, goddamn,
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: here's a job, but it's in Houston. It's in Texas.
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: It's in far right-leaning Texas.
• 42:32
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 42:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 42:36
  Speaker 6: And uh paris texas and like man i'd really not
• 42:39
  Speaker 6: like to live in texas if i had my druthers
• 42:42
  Speaker 6: yeah unfortunately maybe in this case i don't completely have my.
• 42:45
  Speaker 5: Druthers yeah yeah you're kind of in that position like
• 42:47
  Speaker 5: if the check cashes yeah.
• 42:49
  Speaker 6: And also having that job makes the next makes getting
• 42:54
  Speaker 6: the next job much easier yeah now you're in the
• 42:57
  Speaker 6: club well we all you're in the door.
• 42:59
  Speaker 5: I think we've all taken jobs like that of Where
• 43:01
  Speaker 5: we've all started and it's like, this is not where
• 43:03
  Speaker 5: I would normally want to work.
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: Nick and I met at Chippendales. We didn't want to
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: be there. I'm going to tell you right now, you
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: picked a bad example. That's a good job.
• 43:12
  Speaker 6: There are people at Chippendales right now that have been
• 43:15
  Speaker 6: there for more than 10 years.
• 43:16
  Speaker 4: They've been there so long, right?
• 43:18
  Speaker 5: I see them on the billboards.
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: There are performers and people on that show that have
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: been there for a long time. I'm talking about the
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: garden and lawn care place.
• 43:23
  Speaker 5: Oh.
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, where Rudy Giuliani gives talks from. That's what I'm
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: talking about.
• 43:27
  Speaker 5: That's the four Cs.
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: Oh, silly me. Silly me.
• 43:30
  Speaker 5: If I had worked at Chippendales, can you imagine the
• 43:32
  Speaker 5: size of the pergola?
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: Oh, my God.
• 43:34
  Speaker 4: I thought you were going to say something else.
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: Nine inches.
• 43:36
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 43:37
  Speaker 5: That's what I mean. I got to keep it clean
• 43:39
  Speaker 5: for the radio.
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: Pergola.
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: I know one of the guys that's on a lot
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: of the billboards. He has a very nice pergola.
• 43:44
  Speaker 5: There you go.
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: Good size, too. I do want to empathize with what
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: he's feeling though because– and this is something that I
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: get frustrated with all the time in mental health and
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: like I feel always bad for my students too is
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: especially with the ongoing drama of like parody violation and
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: like just not being enough compensated as a career. I
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: always feel really bad for my students because they're like, hey,
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: I went and got a four-year bachelor's degree. I got
• 44:10
  Speaker 1: a three-year master's degree. I then did two to three
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: more years of postgraduate training. That is 10 total years
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: of like work I did to specialize in an area
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: of healthcare that And when I get into it, I'm
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: making as much as a guy who works at McDonald's.
• 44:26
  Speaker 6: Unfortunately, putting in the preparation work in education or in
• 44:31
  Speaker 6: training and other things for any career does not guarantee results.
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Like putting in tens of.
• 44:40
  Speaker 6: Thousands, hundreds of thousands of dollars into education gives you
• 44:44
  Speaker 6: absolutely no guarantee of job prospects.
• 44:47
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: It's only one of the reasons that the education system
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: in this country is not doing as well as it
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: possibly could be. No, but I appreciate Alex's point. And
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: I agree with you. There's definitely a pragmatism. And Alex,
• 45:01
  Speaker 1: smart guy. He knew the market before he got into it.
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: He knew that it's not like you graduate and people
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: are just throwing suitcases of money at you. But I
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: think that he's right to say, look, it's an emerging science.
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: I'm at the cutting edge of it. I'm just looking
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: for a chance. I'm not asking to be the senior
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: professor anywhere. I'm just trying to get my foot in
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: the door. And it's just really discouraging that I have
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: to take like a Joe job just mopping the floor
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: somewhere as a postdoc so that I can just get
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: on a payroll with the university and look for my chance.
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: But I really like your point there, Jacob. Like, look,
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: there's only so many of these positions. Every professor that
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: I know at UNLV, they've all got these resumes and
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: stories of of working in shit kicker towns.
• 45:44
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: Like I, when I was driving to Yellowstone, it was
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: wild to like pass these, you know, colleges and universities
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: that are in like rural America. Oh yeah. You know,
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: and like, there it is like great basin college in
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: the middle of Nevada, you know, or whatever. And like, yep,
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: there's people that are professors there, you know, but like, yeah,
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: that's probably not a lot of their first choice. They
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: probably didn't like say, Oh, I really want to live
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: in the middle of nowhere. Like, but that's where they
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: are getting a job and like, they're doing their time
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: and then they're probably going to transfer out.
• 46:09
  Speaker 3: It is important to point out that you live in
• 46:13
  Speaker 3: Las Vegas, applied for a job in a department at
• 46:16
  Speaker 3: the university of Nevada, Las Vegas, and were able to
• 46:19
  Speaker 3: get it. And, That doesn't happen. Also, you're not a
• 46:24
  Speaker 3: tenured professor.
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: No. I'm an adjunct. You're an adjunct. I get two classes.
• 46:29
  Speaker 5: Yeah, adjunct is a little bit different.
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, part-timers.
• 46:32
  Speaker 5: Every professor that I had at the University of Northern Iowa.
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: I was an adjunct professor. None of them were from there.
• 46:38
  Speaker 5: None of them are like, it's my goal to be
• 46:41
  Speaker 5: a professor at the University of Northern Iowa.
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: Right, right, right.
• 46:43
  Speaker 3: It was like, I graduated, I had to take something...
• 46:47
  Speaker 3: I'm from Northern California, but Northern Iowa is available.
• 46:52
  Speaker 5: So that's where I'm going.
• 46:53
  Speaker 6: And what happens is, and what happens is Ryder, I mean, you,
• 46:57
  Speaker 6: you go to somewhere where you might not think this
• 47:00
  Speaker 6: is where I want to be.
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And then you end up being there for a
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: long time.
• 47:05
  Speaker 6: You end up falling in love with the place. You
• 47:07
  Speaker 6: end up finding something about it that you do really like.
• 47:10
  Speaker 6: I mean, saying that you don't want to work in
• 47:12
  Speaker 6: the U S I, I'm not defending the U.S.
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: Right now. The U.S.
• 47:16
  Speaker 5: Is.
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: There's a lot of weird stuff going on here. Oh, really?
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: Like what? You know.
• 47:22
  Speaker 4: Google it.
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: I'm going to save it for now. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 47:25
  Speaker 1: But let's just agree that there's a lot of stuff
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: going on. I mean, that's like your opinion, bro. There's
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: still really nice places in the U.S. That's true.
• 47:34
  Speaker 6: That you could live where things that are happening on
• 47:38
  Speaker 6: the federal government level aren't going to affect your everyday life.
• 47:42
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 47:43
  Speaker 6: You know, and it's not, it's not a good thing
• 47:44
  Speaker 6: that those things are happening on the federal government level,
• 47:46
  Speaker 6: but you know, it's still, you know, I don't know
• 47:49
  Speaker 6: that it's a reason to not move to a continent,
• 47:52
  Speaker 6: to not move to a whole country.
• 47:53
  Speaker 5: Here's another way to look at it.
• 47:54
  Speaker 3: Kind of going back to Jacob's example of being like
• 47:58
  Speaker 3: head coach, football head coach. There's only so many of them.
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 48:02
  Speaker 5: And so if it's your goal to be, you know,
• 48:04
  Speaker 5: the head coach of, you know, the San Francisco 49ers,
• 48:09
  Speaker 5: instead of trying to just, become that you have to
• 48:13
  Speaker 5: look at it as like how will they find me
• 48:17
  Speaker 5: what do i need to do to get to become
• 48:19
  Speaker 5: visible oh yeah right you know and so you kind
• 48:21
  Speaker 5: of you start looking at it that way and it's
• 48:23
  Speaker 5: like that's where i want to be but i'm not
• 48:25
  Speaker 5: even looking over there i'm just trying to work my
• 48:28
  Speaker 5: way up to get to their radar.
• 48:30
  Speaker 6: That's the thing is i know if i you know
• 48:33
  Speaker 6: i work in entertainment So I know if I want
• 48:36
  Speaker 6: to get a job on your X show, if I
• 48:39
  Speaker 6: want to get a job, that's a bad example.
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: There's a show.
• 48:43
  Speaker 6: By the way, if I want to get, if I
• 48:44
  Speaker 6: want to get involved in a show that is, you know,
• 48:47
  Speaker 6: out there somewhere and it's a big time show or
• 48:49
  Speaker 6: a big time property or whatever the thing is, uh, Yeah,
• 48:52
  Speaker 6: it's not always the best. The best move is not
• 48:55
  Speaker 6: always to just go straight to them.
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 48:58
  Speaker 6: It's like, hey, no, no, I'm the guy that runs
• 49:00
  Speaker 6: this show over here that you like. I'm like, there's
• 49:04
  Speaker 6: something about over here that you've noticed. So I'm going
• 49:07
  Speaker 6: to I'm going to involve myself in that. And then
• 49:09
  Speaker 6: that'll get me into the conversation. That'll get my foot
• 49:11
  Speaker 6: in the door. It's all about just it's just finding
• 49:15
  Speaker 6: ways to get your foot in the door and have
• 49:18
  Speaker 6: a real conversation with a real person.
• 49:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 49:20
  Speaker 6: I think that's genuinely all that job hunting is in 2026,
• 49:25
  Speaker 6: at least in this country is getting past the automated
• 49:29
  Speaker 6: systems and just sitting down with a person and being like,
• 49:34
  Speaker 6: here is what I can bring to the table. Is
• 49:37
  Speaker 6: that something you're interested in? And just having a genuine conversation.
• 49:42
  Speaker 6: I do want to point out too. Because I may
• 49:44
  Speaker 6: have been. Kind of characterized his position unfairly. Because Alec
• 49:48
  Speaker 6: is not. Holding out for a job at.
• 49:52
  Speaker 5: At Oxford.
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: Holding out for something in management. Yeah.
• 49:55
  Speaker 5: He's not doing that. He sounds like he's genuinely just like,
• 49:59
  Speaker 5: give me something.
• 49:59
  Speaker 1: He's just trying to stay. He's willing to go to Canada.
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: And he's currently in Switzerland. So he's willing to move.
• 50:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: He's just saying, look, the dumpster fire of the US,
• 50:08
  Speaker 1: where he's from.
• 50:09
  Speaker 6: Sure.
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: Not where he wants to be right now.
• 50:10
  Speaker 3: Get it.
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: I don't hate that. But I really like a kitchen
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: sink mentality right now. If you've tasted the market and
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: you've realized the market's very tight, it's not giving you anything.
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: Then you have to become much more aggressive to get
• 50:23
  Speaker 1: your foot in the door and that could just be
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: like what I'm doing, man. It could be like– I
• 50:27
  Speaker 1: was talking to somebody the other day. They're a professor
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: and just the way that things are going in their
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: life right now, they are currently adjunct professoring for three
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: different universities because usually as an adjunct, you can take
• 50:38
  Speaker 1: up to two classes like on average because once you
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: get up to three and stuff, you start having to
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: get to benefits and stuff. So they give you two.
• 50:44
  Speaker 1: So this person is doing like three different schools, doing
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: adjunct work. Doing part-time at all of them. Yeah. Teaching
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: online on some of them and some classes and like–
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: but getting those credentials on the resume that I– hey,
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: I'm onboarded with all of them.
• 50:58
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 50:59
  Speaker 1: And so when a position opens up, I'm the first
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: guy in line. But also I'm doing this while I'm
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: waiting for my good job to open. I'm just stacking
• 51:08
  Speaker 1: my resume. Yeah, and it goes back to your metaphor
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: about like the NFL teams. It goes back to the
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: metaphor about shows. And it goes back to the metaphor
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: about like dating and even house hunting. Like when you're
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: in the market doesn't mean that your perfect match is
• 51:20
  Speaker 1: going to be in the market.
• 51:21
  Speaker 6: I was going to say it's– You've got to figure
• 51:24
  Speaker 6: out what your priorities are. You've got to sit down.
• 51:27
  Speaker 6: You've got to have a real thought about your priorities.
• 51:29
  Speaker 6: You've got to do this when you're house hunting. You've
• 51:30
  Speaker 6: got to do this when you're job hunting. You've got
• 51:31
  Speaker 6: to do this when you're doing anything.
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: So if your main priority is not living in the U.S.,
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: for instance, great. So that's number one. So everything in
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: the U.S. is right out.
• 51:42
  Speaker 6: And if your next priority is, you know, I want
• 51:45
  Speaker 6: it to be in the education sector, okay, fine. But
• 51:48
  Speaker 6: like actually figure out what those priorities are. Is not
• 51:51
  Speaker 6: living in the U.S. actually a priority?
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 51:53
  Speaker 6: Is not working– like if X, Y, and Z job
• 51:58
  Speaker 6: descriptions are there, then is it cool that it's in
• 52:01
  Speaker 6: the private sector?
• 52:02
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 52:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 52:03
  Speaker 6: Like figure all that stuff out because– like those are
• 52:06
  Speaker 6: the answers that we can't give you.
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: Right. You got to figure that out on your own.
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: There's some obvious market things that also Alec is not seeing,
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: and I feel silly pointing these out because, I mean,
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: why hasn't he thought of this? Working for an evil genius.
• 52:17
  Speaker 3: Sure.
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: Okay. You're a physics guy. You're not. Come on. Interviewing
• 52:21
  Speaker 1: with Dr. Evil.
• 52:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: You know, like some options. Pod therapy has an unpaid
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: internship program. He's right there. Kim Jong-un's right down the street. Yeah.
• 52:29
  Speaker 1: As you know, we have an unpaid intern, Emma, the intern.
• 52:32
  Speaker 1: I'm happy to have an unpaid postdoc position. I feel
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: like we have a lawyer. We have a president of
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: the HOA. We have an intern.
• 52:39
  Speaker 6: Why don't we have a physicist? You know, what kind
• 52:41
  Speaker 6: of podcast are we? I don't know that I want
• 52:42
  Speaker 6: a postdoc position. I think I want a full physicist.
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: You know what? Hmm. You're right.
• 52:46
  Speaker 5: Maybe.
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: We can make up titles. Can we? Director of the
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: physics R & D department of pod therapy. And you
• 52:53
  Speaker 1: know what that comes with? I'm going to tell you
• 52:55
  Speaker 1: one word that comes with it. It's going to sweeten
• 52:57
  Speaker 1: the pot for you. Tenure. Oh, shit. We give them tenure.
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: You got tenure, motherfucker. Oh, my God.
• 53:05
  Speaker 3: All right.
• 53:05
  Speaker 1: We're opening up the pod therapy tenured position of physics
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: R & D. I'm just going to let.
• 53:10
  Speaker 6: This play out.
• 53:11
  Speaker 3: Yep.
• 53:12
  Speaker 1: He's the cutting edge of the pod therapy R &
• 53:15
  Speaker 1: D department of physics. You know what? I said that
• 53:18
  Speaker 1: we couldn't fix all your problems. I think we can.
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: I was wrong. I mean, we can pad the resume, man.
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: We can pad this.
• 53:24
  Speaker 5: I love that Whitney thought that I was against this,
• 53:26
  Speaker 5: whereas the whole time you're talking about this, I was thinking, like,
• 53:29
  Speaker 5: how could an unpaid physicist... Help me with my golf game.
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, there's definitely ways. And we have
• 53:38
  Speaker 1: an LLC.
• 53:38
  Speaker 4: We can do this.
• 53:39
  Speaker 1: We can absolutely put them on payroll for nothing. And
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: then we'll vouch for them whenever he applies to other places.
• 53:44
  Speaker 4: Otherwise, he's going to help me with my golf game, okay?
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we've got work. We've got plenty of work. Honestly,
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: just write us a bunch of physics trivia. That sounds great. Oh,
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: my gosh. I'd love that. That'd actually be really fun. Yeah.
• 53:55
  Speaker 1: But no, I do agree with all the advice. I
• 53:57
  Speaker 1: think it's a really shitty thing because one of.
• 53:59
  Speaker 4: The things that– Yeah, we hate it for you.
• 54:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Like whenever you go to school– and this is
• 54:03
  Speaker 1: something that I feel like we've definitely seen especially in
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: the AI age. How many broken dreams, right?
• 54:09
  Speaker 3: Oh my gosh.
• 54:09
  Speaker 1: Like how many people were promised– And I think that
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: really started with our generation, too.
• 54:14
  Speaker 4: Do computer science.
• 54:15
  Speaker 1: Oh, my God.
• 54:15
  Speaker 4: Oh, my God.
• 54:16
  Speaker 2: That was screamed into the generation, I feel like, just
• 54:19
  Speaker 2: after ours, like those late millennials, early Gen Z.
• 54:22
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, yeah. You're walking into six figures.
• 54:25
  Speaker 4: Poor all of them. They're all getting laid off right now.
• 54:27
  Speaker 1: Oh, my gosh. Even just in the 80s and 90s,
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: it was just.
• 54:31
  Speaker 6: It was very simple. It wasn't go to school for computers.
• 54:34
  Speaker 6: It was go to college, and then you will just
• 54:38
  Speaker 6: have jobs. You'll just get all the jobs. If you
• 54:41
  Speaker 6: go to college, your life will be good, fine, and
• 54:46
  Speaker 6: that part will just be taken care of.
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: You will always have a job.
• 54:49
  Speaker 3: Honestly, if I was to give the youth of today
• 54:51
  Speaker 3: any advice, I would say, Just learn how to weld.
• 54:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, learn a trade.
• 54:56
  Speaker 2: Learn a trade.
• 54:57
  Speaker 4: AI can't replace it.
• 54:58
  Speaker 5: We're always going to need welding.
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: Specifically welding.
• 55:00
  Speaker 6: We need plumbers.
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: Specifically plumbers.
• 55:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 55:01
  Speaker 4: Electricians.
• 55:03
  Speaker 1: No, it's funny. Like as a father, you know, I
• 55:05
  Speaker 1: have a junior in high school and he's a star student.
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: And like we're talking about his future and we're looking
• 55:10
  Speaker 1: at like what comes next. And honestly, the things that
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: we're talking about are I want him to look into
• 55:16
  Speaker 1: like engineering programs or maybe pre-med. But like I also
• 55:21
  Speaker 1: want him to learn a trade. Yeah. And it's a
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: lot to ask a kid to go to college and
• 55:26
  Speaker 1: do pre-med or do engineering or do chemistry or biology.
• 55:30
  Speaker 1: And I also want him to join a union. An
• 55:33
  Speaker 1: apprentice and learn over the summers how to do a trade.
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: That's probably too much. I know.
• 55:39
  Speaker 6: But there is some middle ground there because it really
• 55:42
  Speaker 6: is like you can go to college.
• 55:43
  Speaker 1: You can do all these other things.
• 55:44
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 55:45
  Speaker 6: And you can also, while you're at college, you can
• 55:47
  Speaker 6: take a class that involves three hours a week where
• 55:50
  Speaker 6: you are going and you're learning well.
• 55:51
  Speaker 5: Yeah. Or just go apprentice somewhere.
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: Contracting.
• 55:55
  Speaker 5: Do pre-med, become a doctor, become a plumber. And then
• 55:59
  Speaker 5: focus on the gastroenterology. Plumbing in the body.
• 56:04
  Speaker 1: It's all plumbing. It's all pipes. Start to finish. It's
• 56:06
  Speaker 1: all pipes. Just one job.
• 56:07
  Speaker 4: We're doing great today.
• 56:08
  Speaker 5: You got everything.
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: It's always there. We got this.
• 56:13
  Speaker 5: I cannot say that word.
• 56:14
  Speaker 1: Gastroenterology. Gastroenterologist.
• 56:16
  Speaker 5: Gastroenterologist.
• 56:16
  Speaker 1: It's a big one. I just had an appointment with
• 56:18
  Speaker 1: my gastroenterologist last week. Getting ready for a little colonoscopy.
• 56:21
  Speaker 5: Me too.
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: Aisha. Mazel tov.
• 56:24
  Speaker 5: I have my pre-appointment is Tuesday.
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: Oh, you guys could go together. You guys could carpool.
• 56:29
  Speaker 1: Pre-appointment done.
• 56:30
  Speaker 6: And then scheduling out because my gastroenterologist is pregnant.
• 56:34
  Speaker 5: Oh.
• 56:34
  Speaker 1: And so we're scheduling on the other side of her
• 56:37
  Speaker 1: maternity leave.
• 56:37
  Speaker 6: Okay.
• 56:39
  Speaker 1: Is this both of your first go as a colonoscopy?
• 56:41
  Speaker 1: It is. Oh, you're going to love it.
• 56:43
  Speaker 6: It's some of the best sleep you're ever going to have.
• 56:45
  Speaker 6: I'm turning 45, and that's the new age. I've got
• 56:50
  Speaker 6: actual tons of cancer in my family history, so I'm
• 56:53
  Speaker 6: taking that shit seriously. Well, insurance won't cover the colonoscopy
• 57:00
  Speaker 6: until you turn 45.
• 57:01
  Speaker 3: Because it used to be 40, and then they changed
• 57:04
  Speaker 3: it to 45.
• 57:05
  Speaker 5: I think it.
• 57:05
  Speaker 1: Used to be 50. No, it used to be 40.
• 57:08
  Speaker 1: I think they dropped it down. I think it was 45.
• 57:09
  Speaker 5: No, I think it was 40.
• 57:10
  Speaker 4: It used to be 40.
• 57:11
  Speaker 2: That's why I'm confused it was 45 because I thought
• 57:13
  Speaker 2: like colon cancer was like rampant.
• 57:15
  Speaker 6: Yeah, mammograms 40. I think colonoscopy just came.
• 57:19
  Speaker 1: Down to 45 pretty recently. You're right that colon cancer
• 57:22
  Speaker 1: has been surging in millennials especially, which there's a bunch
• 57:26
  Speaker 1: of different theories about it. One of them is that
• 57:28
  Speaker 1: we were exposed to a particular breed of E. coli
• 57:30
  Speaker 1: as children. And that just caused this, like, long-term metabolite
• 57:34
  Speaker 1: that could eventually lead to cancer. It's just hypothetical right now.
• 57:37
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 57:37
  Speaker 1: Interesting. No, it's good that you're getting checked. And this
• 57:39
  Speaker 1: is a quick PSA for everybody. Do the preventative healthcare shit, guys. Oh, yeah.
• 57:44
  Speaker 1: Go get the prostate blood work. Like, go get the colonoscopies.
• 57:48
  Speaker 6: I'm working right now. I'm trying to figure out with
• 57:50
  Speaker 6: my doctor. Ladies, get your titties checked.
• 57:51
  Speaker 1: Get them all checked. Get the titties looked at.
• 57:53
  Speaker 6: I'm trying to figure out a way that we can
• 57:55
  Speaker 6: get insurance right now to cover doing a full genetic scan.
• 57:59
  Speaker 1: Do that.
• 58:00
  Speaker 7: Ooh.
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: Liquid biopsies are really developing quickly and we're getting closer
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: and closer to just doing one set of blood work
• 58:08
  Speaker 1: and being able to detect way early cancer on a
• 58:11
  Speaker 1: lot of different fronts. Every, every couple of weeks I
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: ask AI to give me like a list of 10
• 58:16
  Speaker 1: scientific or medical good news stories that are in development.
• 58:20
  Speaker 1: And that's one that keeps coming up is like, what's
• 58:22
  Speaker 1: going on with liquid biopsy development? Like we're coming so
• 58:24
  Speaker 1: fast on that. The new mRNA cancer vaccines that they've
• 58:27
  Speaker 1: been developing for melanoma and pancreatic. Anyway, Do the preliminary work.
• 58:32
  Speaker 1: Good job. I've had two colonoscopies. Good.
• 58:35
  Speaker 5: Just this week, brag.
• 58:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, I don't like to... Have you ever
• 58:38
  Speaker 1: had a camera shoved up your ass, Whitney?
• 58:40
  Speaker 2: Nope.
• 58:41
  Speaker 1: Okay. Patreon.com slash therapy. You know, I am the first potter.
• 58:46
  Speaker 1: She's got the goods, but does she got the guts?
• 58:48
  Speaker 1: There might be.
• 58:49
  Speaker 4: A Patreon level for that, you know? Try it out.
• 58:53
  Speaker 3: See what happens.
• 58:53
  Speaker 1: Only Pickett has access so far. Not many people know this.
• 58:57
  Speaker 1: He doesn't want it.
• 58:58
  Speaker 5: I don't know.
• 58:58
  Speaker 6: I am the first podcast host to take multiple cognitive tests. Okay.
• 59:03
  Speaker 1: There you go. I passed all of them.
• 59:05
  Speaker 4: Way to go. Past is a relative.
• 59:08
  Speaker 1: That is a giraffe. Is the video turned on this time?
• 59:14
  Speaker 2: Excellent.
• 59:15
  Speaker 1: Anyway, Alec, man, we're rooting for you. Obviously this is
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: going to be a tough one, man, but this is
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: a prominent challenge that I think a lot of people,
• 59:24
  Speaker 1: no matter what level they are graduating at these days,
• 59:27
  Speaker 1: The graduation is finished and you've done all this work
• 59:30
  Speaker 1: and all you've earned is like square one, a chance
• 59:34
  Speaker 1: to sit down and be treated like shit. And I
• 59:37
  Speaker 1: hate that that's the system. I really do hate it.
• 59:40
  Speaker 1: But I know that you can endure it, man. You've
• 59:42
  Speaker 1: done all sorts of really fascinating things with your life.
• 59:44
  Speaker 1: You've traveled the world. You've studied cutting-edge things. You've ground
• 59:47
  Speaker 1: up this incredible thesis, which you don't have the balls
• 59:50
  Speaker 1: to post on our Discord, which I thought was very shameful.
• 59:54
  Speaker 1: But shame, shame, shame. But yeah, man, you're capable of anything.
• 59:58
  Speaker 1: So just I just want to encourage you, brother, like
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 1: really broaden the scope. Take that first job, man. Take
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 1: it wherever the fuck. And then just like a year
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 1: or two in, dude, you'll transfer out. And that's the
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 1: thing is like if you're looking for the right house,
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 1: the perfect house for you is probably not going to
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 1: be available the day you're ready to buy one. So
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 1: you rent for a while, dude, and you wait for
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 1: that house to show up before you take that shot.
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 1: Same thing with dating. Like the day you think you're
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 1: ready for a new relationship, that perfect person is not there.
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 1: So you date a bunch of hoes for a while
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 1: while you're waiting for a good relationship. It's time for
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 1: you to go do some academic ho work. Huh.
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 4: Academic co-work is that the title.
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 1: No no no no we're gonna take a quick break
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 1: and when we come back we're talking about reaching out
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 1: to late best friends family you're listening to pod therapy.
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 5: Today's episode is brought to you by jake schneider malia
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 5: richard macy sunny boy thunder cougar falcon scoop super kayak
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 5: motherfucker sandra mcwaffle alina gabriella dame adam warren and not
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 5: here nightly and if you'd like to sponsor the show
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 5: become a therapist or patreon.com slash therapy All right, Jacob.
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 3: Zero to Hero from Hercules describes his rise to fame.
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 1: True.
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 5: Okay. The muses sing, Bless my soul. Hark was on
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 5: a roll.
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 2: Hark.
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 1: His name is Hark.
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 5: Hark was on a roll.
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 1: That does make sense. Bless my soul. Hark was on
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 1: a roll.
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 5: Person of the week in every blank.
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 1: Come on, Whitney.
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 5: I have only seen this movie.
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 1: Once or twice. Yeah, Hercules was after my time. Such
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 1: a good one, man.
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 5: Paper and Magazine, Athens and Rome, Temple and Town, City
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 5: and Greece.
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 1: Wait, what's the lyrics leading up to this?
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 5: Bless my soul, Herc was on a roll. It's none
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 5: of those. Person of the week in every.
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's none of those answers. Look up the actual song.
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 5: I'm not going to do that. Because I don't give
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 5: a shit.
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 4: We're going to trust him.
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 1: Jim with these fucking Disney songs and lyrics.
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 4: You got the other one wrong, Jim.
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 1: I know. He's gotten all of.
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 6: Them wrong so far and keeps just yelling about the
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 6: lyrics being different parts of the songs, which has not
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 6: been accurate yet.
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 1: All right. Let's go for it. No, I don't know
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 1: the answer.
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 5: You want to take a shot? B.
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 3: No.
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 3: Whitney?
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 4: What was C? Will you read C to me?
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 5: Temple in Town.
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 2: Oh, no.
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 4: What was D?
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 5: City in Greece.
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 4: Person of the week. What was A?
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 5: Paper and magazine. A.
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 5: Yes.
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 1: All right. Jim, what do you think it is? Bless
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 1: my soul. Herc was on a roll. Person of the
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 1: week in every Greek opinion poll. What a pro. Then
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 1: it keeps going on. But yeah, it's Greek Opinion Poll.
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 5: Is this an official file of shenanigans?
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 1: We haven't had a file of shenanigans in a while.
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 1: I think it's like an AI build or something, and
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 1: that's not it. It's Greek Opinion Poll. Yeah, because they
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 1: have a whole cartoon graphic they show.
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 3: I mean, poll does rhyme with roll, whereas magazine does not.
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 1: That's kind of what I was listening for. Yeah. So
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 1: I got it right. Thanks. What was your lyric, Jim?
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 1: Greek Opinion Poll. Every Greek Opinion Poll.
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 1: Jim got one right today.
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 6: He got all of the ones with Little Mermaid and
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 6: all those others wrong. But he got that one right.
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 5: However, it wasn't your turn, so your points are going
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 5: to go to Whitney.
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 1: That's fair.
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 4: I'm in second.
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 1: But fair.
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 5: All right. Whitney, in Go the Distance from Hercules, the
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 5: line goes, apparently, I have often dreamed of a far-off
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 5: place where Where a great warm welcome will be waiting
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 5: for me. Where the crowds will cheer when they see
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 5: my face and a voice keeps saying, you got this.
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, I had the first part.
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 2: I have often dreamed of a far off place.
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 1: Great warm welcome will be waiting for me. And the
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 1: crowds will cheer when they hear.
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 5: See my face I wasn't sure if I was allowed
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 5: to voice keeps saying.
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 4: I'll be there.
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 2: I'll be there no read the options.
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 4: This is where I'm meant to be oh okay go
• 1:04:27
  Speaker 4: on read the other ones.
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 5: You will find your place this is where I belong
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 5: you'll go the.
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 1: Distance Voice keeps saying.
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 4: I mean, A?
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 1: This is where I'm meant to be.
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 4: I was like, I think it's A. I will find
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 4: my way.
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 1: I can go the distance. That's Michael fucking Bolton, dude.
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 1: That song rules.
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 4: That one is a good song.
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 4: I cannot remember all the words.
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 5: All right, Jim.
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 5: When You Wish Upon a Star, the original Disney theme
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 5: song from Pinocchio. Pinocchio.
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 6: 1940.
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 5: Includes the line, Like a bolt out of the blue.
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 3: Blank.
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 1:05:14
  Speaker 1: Go fuck yourself. Yeah, pretty rough.
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 6: Shh.
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 1: Don't get in the way.
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 4: There's no difference.
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 1: Who you are.
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 5: Like a bolt out of the blue.
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 2: I'll take options.
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 5: Dreams are made of gold. Fate steps in and sees
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 5: you through.
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 1: That's it.
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 5: Stars light up the night for you Wishes all come true.
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 1: Oh fuck D or B Wait what was C? C
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 1: was good too wasn't it?
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 5: Stars light up the night for you Read the question
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 5: When you wish upon a star Finish the line basically
• 1:05:58
  Speaker 5: Like a bolt out of the.
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 1: Blue Fate steps in and sees you through.
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 5: Stars light up The night for you Wishes all come true.
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 1: I think it's B. I'm going to go B.
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 5: It is B.
• 1:06:11
  Speaker 7: Yes.
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 1: Good job, Jacob. My only guess.
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 5: Thank you.
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 6: My only trip up with that was I was like, wait,
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 6: is this going to be like a blue fairy thing?
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 6: Because wasn't the blue fairy in Pinocchio?
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 1: Like the thing coming out of the blue.
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 4: A little flirty fairy.
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Reaching out to my late best friend's family.
• 1:06:32
  Speaker 5: Hello.
• 1:06:32
  Speaker 1: Just wanted to start off by saying how much I
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 1: love this podcast. Oh, thank you. Thanks. I'm in my
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 1: 30s now, and looking back, I can see how much
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 1: of a safe haven her and her family were to
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 1: me at that time since I grew up in a
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 1: bit of an unstable home. Almost every positive childhood memory
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 1: I have was with her and her family. Even though
• 1:07:15
  Speaker 1: we drifted apart as teenagers, when she started experimenting with drugs,
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 1: I never once stopped worrying or caring about her. I
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 1: actually ran into her twice in the last couple of
• 1:07:25
  Speaker 1: years when she was clearly in the thick of her
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 1: addiction but was too afraid to speak to her. And
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 1: I've had to live with an immense regret of not
• 1:07:32
  Speaker 1: reaching out. I've also completely lost touch with her family
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 1: to the point where her mother almost didn't recognize me.
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 1: I feel extremely alone in my grief because no one
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 1: in my current life knew or loved her the way
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 1: I did. Ever since her passing, I've had this gnawing
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 1: urge to reach out to her mother. They were so
• 1:07:51
  Speaker 1: kind to me at the funeral and actually included a
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 1: photo of us in the slideshow. But I'm worried I'll
• 1:07:57
  Speaker 1: just be a painful reminder of their loss. Or worse,
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 1: that they view me as someone who abandoned her when
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 1: she needed me most. I actually realized since then that
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 1: I don't have a single photo of us together as
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 1: they've been lost to time. And I desperately want to
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 1: ask for a copy of the picture. But I feel
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 1: like I'm just being selfish and that reaching out is
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 1: the wrong move. Should I try to push this feeling
• 1:08:21
  Speaker 1: down and process the grief on my own? Or is
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 1: it okay to reach out to a family that practically
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 1: raised me? If I do reach out, what should I
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 1: even say? Any advice would be so appreciated. Thank you so,
• 1:08:35
  Speaker 1: so much for everything y'all do. Signed, Anonymous. Pronouns are
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 1: she and her.
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 4: Reach out.
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 5: I'm on reach out.
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 1: I'm, yeah. Yeah.
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 2: I think that's a really common thought that if you
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 2: reach out to somebody who is going through grief of
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 2: a death, I think we all worry that you're just
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 2: reminding them of that death.
• 1:08:59
  Speaker 4: But the reality is they wake up every.
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 2: Single day yeah they're constantly constantly reminded of that.
• 1:09:04
  Speaker 6: You are you are going to remind you're if you
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 6: presume let's say you call them like if you call
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 6: them and say hey uh i'd like to talk to
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 6: you about your dead kid.
• 1:09:16
  Speaker 4: Luck to talk to you about your cars yes.
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 6: Like you're going to remind them of it and it's
• 1:09:21
  Speaker 6: not going to be a fun conversation right but it's
• 1:09:24
  Speaker 6: a conversation you feel like you need to have like
• 1:09:27
  Speaker 6: all of the things like are you gonna bother them
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 6: things like that.
• 1:09:30
  Speaker 1: Maybe yeah and honestly you're gonna.
• 1:09:32
  Speaker 6: Know real fast and you're gonna be able to change
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 6: directions and change what you're what you're doing like if
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 6: you if you get into the situation you're like fuck
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 6: this was a bad idea fucking bailed.
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 2: I think it's so unlikely that it will take a
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 2: wrong turn. I think what will actually happen is even
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 2: though it may be difficult for them to... relive some
• 1:09:56
  Speaker 2: things you're asking them about like you reaching out is
• 1:09:58
  Speaker 2: going to remind them I'm sure of memories if you
• 1:10:01
  Speaker 2: grew up as almost part of their family you know
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 2: that's going to create a flood of memories for them
• 1:10:06
  Speaker 2: and cause some sadness but I don't think that's necessarily
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 2: a bad thing and I guess what I hear the
• 1:10:16
  Speaker 2: most from people who have lost loved ones is their
• 1:10:18
  Speaker 2: greater fear is that their.
• 1:10:20
  Speaker 4: Loved one is forgotten.
• 1:10:21
  Speaker 2: And so in some ways, I almost think reaching out,
• 1:10:24
  Speaker 2: even though it may be painful for the parent, it
• 1:10:27
  Speaker 2: kind of is like a reminder to them that people
• 1:10:29
  Speaker 2: do love them and care about their child who has passed.
• 1:10:33
  Speaker 1: I do think it's important to say that you're not
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 1: causing the pain.
• 1:10:37
  Speaker 5: Correct.
• 1:10:38
  Speaker 4: You're not responsible for the people's feelings.
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 6: You're reminding people about the pain. It's a reminder of it.
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 6: But you're not causing the pain.
• 1:10:46
  Speaker 5: I feel like if the family knew that you were
• 1:10:50
  Speaker 5: going through this, they would probably be upset that you
• 1:10:53
  Speaker 5: haven't reached out. Sure.
• 1:10:54
  Speaker 3: Of course.
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 5: They're probably erring more on that side.
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 1: Guessing.
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 5: I mean, because that's what I hear from parents often.
• 1:11:01
  Speaker 5: most often is, Oh, I, you know, I, I miss so-and-so.
• 1:11:04
  Speaker 1: In this scenario, that would be a common thing. Yeah.
• 1:11:07
  Speaker 5: Um, now here's the caveat to that kind of going
• 1:11:11
  Speaker 5: along with what I think Jacob was kind of getting
• 1:11:13
  Speaker 5: at a little bit is I would still do it
• 1:11:18
  Speaker 5: and then already come to peace with the fact that
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 5: this could go wrong. Sure. Okay. And, and really kind
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 5: of think about that and like, okay, if this does
• 1:11:29
  Speaker 5: go bad, What do you mean.
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 4: By bad or wrong? What's your version of that?
• 1:11:33
  Speaker 1: I mean like it– What's worst case?
• 1:11:35
  Speaker 5: They get upset. Yeah. Worst case scenario.
• 1:11:37
  Speaker 4: Like they're crying on the phone or– Or.
• 1:11:40
  Speaker 5: That they feel like– like she's saying, well, I feel
• 1:11:42
  Speaker 5: like I'm just being selfish or I'm just asking for
• 1:11:45
  Speaker 5: pictures or I'm just– Like how dare you. Or I abandoned.
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 5: That's I think the bigger one.
• 1:11:49
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 5: So there's– she got into using drugs. Our writer– kind
• 1:11:55
  Speaker 5: of kept distance, like so started to pull back. Oh,
• 1:11:57
  Speaker 5: if the family were to blame her in some way.
• 1:11:59
  Speaker 5: If the family were to be like, oh, you know,
• 1:12:00
  Speaker 5: if you were a better friend, you could have been there,
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 5: you could have supported her. That's probably worst case scenario, right?
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 5: That they would start to blame the writer.
• 1:12:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:12:10
  Speaker 5: Hypothetically, let's play that through. So if that does become
• 1:12:14
  Speaker 5: the case, are you strong enough and secure enough in
• 1:12:18
  Speaker 5: your position to understand that you didn't cause this problem,
• 1:12:22
  Speaker 5: you didn't create it, You couldn't control it, you know, and,
• 1:12:26
  Speaker 5: and understand that this is their grief talking. They're upset,
• 1:12:31
  Speaker 5: but you're still going to be okay. Like, okay, I
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 5: can receive this message. I disagree with it, but I expect,
• 1:12:38
  Speaker 5: or I understand their reality and I'll just give you space.
• 1:12:41
  Speaker 1: I'm going to back out.
• 1:12:42
  Speaker 5: Can you do that and feel okay? Because if the
• 1:12:45
  Speaker 5: answer is yes, then, okay, then there's nothing stopping you.
• 1:12:49
  Speaker 5: That's the worst case scenario. You've played through that. You're
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 5: strong enough to deal with that. You're secure enough in
• 1:12:54
  Speaker 5: your own position, in your own grief to be able
• 1:12:57
  Speaker 5: to handle that. So go ahead and reach out.
• 1:12:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:12:59
  Speaker 1: I like that advice. I think you also, I think
• 1:13:02
  Speaker 1: we have to keep in mind, I think this test
• 1:13:04
  Speaker 1: was already passed. Because the writer went to the funeral.
• 1:13:07
  Speaker 1: I was going to say, yeah. You've already had interactions. Yeah,
• 1:13:10
  Speaker 1: they've seen you. And so like we already kind of
• 1:13:13
  Speaker 1: have the hot take on how much do they associate
• 1:13:16
  Speaker 1: you with the illness that their daughter died from. Certainly
• 1:13:18
  Speaker 1: doesn't seem like they're angry at you.
• 1:13:20
  Speaker 6: Didn't seem to show up. A picture of you is
• 1:13:23
  Speaker 6: in the service. It doesn't seem like they're furious with you.
• 1:13:25
  Speaker 1: So, I mean, the writer saying, look, I'm feeling that
• 1:13:28
  Speaker 1: sense of like survivor's guilt and I'm feeling this regret
• 1:13:31
  Speaker 1: of like, man, why didn't I do more? That is
• 1:13:34
  Speaker 1: 100% a normal thing. Everybody feels that. We as therapists
• 1:13:37
  Speaker 1: feel that whenever we couldn't save a patient or something
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 1: goes wrong. We always are going back, watching the game tape, thinking, shit,
• 1:13:44
  Speaker 1: what if one more thing? What if I would have
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 1: stayed in that session for five extra minutes? We never know.
• 1:13:48
  Speaker 1: And then they would have been okay. Then maybe they
• 1:13:49
  Speaker 1: would have been fine. But I think that that's a
• 1:13:52
  Speaker 1: really normal thing, but I don't want to see you
• 1:13:53
  Speaker 1: take that normal, very relatable feeling and take it so
• 1:13:57
  Speaker 1: far down the road of imposing it on this family
• 1:14:00
  Speaker 1: to believe That they are also going to blame you
• 1:14:03
  Speaker 1: for that. Like that is so unrealistic. Anybody who's gone
• 1:14:06
  Speaker 1: through a tragedy like this, there are so many variables,
• 1:14:10
  Speaker 1: especially when a young woman was dealing with this from
• 1:14:12
  Speaker 1: her teen years. I assume you're 30 now, you know,
• 1:14:15
  Speaker 1: like throughout her 20s. this family went through this hellscape
• 1:14:19
  Speaker 1: for probably 15 or more years. Probably wasn't pleasant leading
• 1:14:23
  Speaker 1: up to her death. Yeah. You're not the thing they
• 1:14:25
  Speaker 1: associate this with. There's been a million adventures. There's been
• 1:14:29
  Speaker 1: a million heartbreaks. There's been a million chances, a million
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 1: opportunities to turn around. You're not the thing they think
• 1:14:35
  Speaker 1: of as the person who dropped the ball. I promise
• 1:14:37
  Speaker 1: you they are going through that same feeling inside of themselves.
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 1: And I'll tell you this too, Ryder, as a parent,
• 1:14:44
  Speaker 1: you know, whenever you think back to like, memories with
• 1:14:47
  Speaker 1: your kids friends from when your kids were really little
• 1:14:50
  Speaker 1: because it sounds like you and your friend you grew
• 1:14:53
  Speaker 1: up together you were constantly each other's houses you have
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 1: so many good memories of being nurtured in her home
• 1:14:58
  Speaker 1: with her family and then you i think the letter
• 1:15:00
  Speaker 1: said you lost touch in the teen years and then
• 1:15:03
  Speaker 1: into your adulthood So what I'm gathering from that is
• 1:15:07
  Speaker 1: I think the way the family is going to think
• 1:15:09
  Speaker 1: of you is when they see you, they're remembering the
• 1:15:12
  Speaker 1: pre-drug addicted years. That's a really nice memory. Yeah. To
• 1:15:17
  Speaker 1: remember like, oh, you were kids together. Happy memories. Yeah,
• 1:15:20
  Speaker 1: I remember when you were girls and you played dress
• 1:15:23
  Speaker 1: up and we'd have movie night and you'd watch movies
• 1:15:25
  Speaker 1: at our house and we used to love having you over.
• 1:15:28
  Speaker 1: She'd get so excited to have you come home from
• 1:15:30
  Speaker 1: school with her. And the two of you would play
• 1:15:31
  Speaker 1: doctor and you would write her prescriptions.
• 1:15:33
  Speaker 6: Yeah, maybe if that happened, maybe don't lean on that
• 1:15:37
  Speaker 6: part of the story.
• 1:15:39
  Speaker 1: But no, I just want to bring that up, Ryder,
• 1:15:40
  Speaker 1: because from what you're describing, the impression that I would
• 1:15:43
  Speaker 1: get is that for the family, you are a living
• 1:15:46
  Speaker 1: memory of better times in their daughter's life. And that's
• 1:15:50
  Speaker 1: beautiful to give them that gift again, to be like, hey,
• 1:15:53
  Speaker 1: I can bear testimony to the good years that you
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 1: had with your daughter before she was ravaged by drug addiction.
• 1:16:00
  Speaker 1: That's the only version of her I ever really knew
• 1:16:02
  Speaker 1: very well. I never got involved with her during her disease.
• 1:16:06
  Speaker 1: I feel shame about that. But the only memories that
• 1:16:08
  Speaker 1: I even show up in in your brain are good memories.
• 1:16:12
  Speaker 1: So I don't think you're doing any harm by reaching out.
• 1:16:14
  Speaker 6: And also like, talking about a loved one, talking about
• 1:16:18
  Speaker 6: a deceased loved one with somebody else who loved them.
• 1:16:22
  Speaker 6: That can be a really nice talk.
• 1:16:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah. That's a really nice conversation. Yeah. Like you said, Whitney,
• 1:16:27
  Speaker 1: like I think a lot of people are afraid you're
• 1:16:29
  Speaker 1: going to forget about their loved one.
• 1:16:30
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 1:16:31
  Speaker 4: And it does vary.
• 1:16:32
  Speaker 2: I think if you know this family best, I mean,
• 1:16:38
  Speaker 2: I work with people who have lost family members unexpectedly.
• 1:16:43
  Speaker 2: And I, I kind of see the gamut of people
• 1:16:48
  Speaker 2: who want to be reminded by loved ones. What I
• 1:16:52
  Speaker 2: see the most is people not loving the subject of
• 1:16:57
  Speaker 2: a loved one lost to be brought up by someone
• 1:16:58
  Speaker 2: who doesn't know them. So, for example, I've had a
• 1:17:01
  Speaker 2: client who lost a sibling unexpectedly. Well, now when they
• 1:17:06
  Speaker 2: meet new people, it's like, oh, if they ask, oh,
• 1:17:10
  Speaker 2: do you have siblings?
• 1:17:11
  Speaker 4: They dread that question.
• 1:17:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Um, the parent who's lost a child, I've heard, um, I,
• 1:17:17
  Speaker 2: I hate going to sit and get my hair done.
• 1:17:19
  Speaker 2: I'll bring a book because they're like, I almost don't
• 1:17:21
  Speaker 2: want anyone to talk to me.
• 1:17:22
  Speaker 4: Cause they're like, Oh, do you have kids? Like, that's
• 1:17:24
  Speaker 4: a very common point. Do you have kids? And now
• 1:17:26
  Speaker 4: it's like, do, what do I say? Do I say yes?
• 1:17:29
  Speaker 4: Do I say no? Do I say this happened? Like,
• 1:17:32
  Speaker 4: what do I do?
• 1:17:32
  Speaker 6: Because you don't want to actually have that conversation with,
• 1:17:35
  Speaker 6: with a stranger in public.
• 1:17:36
  Speaker 4: With a stranger in public.
• 1:17:38
  Speaker 1: That's where it's not when and where you want to
• 1:17:40
  Speaker 1: have that conversation.
• 1:17:41
  Speaker 2: But as far as people that, you know, cared about
• 1:17:43
  Speaker 2: your lost loved one, like I see the most happiness,
• 1:17:48
  Speaker 2: however you can word that, you know, the highest level
• 1:17:51
  Speaker 2: of happiness in such a sad time. I see that
• 1:17:53
  Speaker 2: when it's, oh, a shared loved one of the person
• 1:17:56
  Speaker 2: they lost is sharing stories, memories, asking about them. I
• 1:18:01
  Speaker 2: see their happiest moments when they're going through the hardest
• 1:18:04
  Speaker 2: time someone can go through. Is when people are asking
• 1:18:06
  Speaker 2: them about that.
• 1:18:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:18:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:18:08
  Speaker 1: I think it's a gift. I think, Ryder, I think
• 1:18:11
  Speaker 1: we're all encouraging you to go for it. And I
• 1:18:13
  Speaker 1: appreciate Nick kind of playing out the scenario of, all right,
• 1:18:16
  Speaker 1: you know, we don't know who this family is. They
• 1:18:19
  Speaker 1: could be very broken people right now. And they could
• 1:18:21
  Speaker 1: be all kinds of twisted psychologically. And they may, you know,
• 1:18:24
  Speaker 1: hurting people sometimes hurt people. Maybe they do lash out
• 1:18:27
  Speaker 1: at you. That's a very shitty day. Yeah, it's a
• 1:18:30
  Speaker 1: very shitty phone call. I would be so sad that
• 1:18:33
  Speaker 1: that happened to you. I still think reaching out to say,
• 1:18:36
  Speaker 1: I want to just talk to you about this person
• 1:18:39
  Speaker 1: I loved, that you loved.
• 1:18:40
  Speaker 6: I don't have any photos of us. I want to
• 1:18:42
  Speaker 6: remember her for the rest of my life. Would it
• 1:18:44
  Speaker 6: be possible for me to get a photo of her?
• 1:18:46
  Speaker 1: And I'll tell you what, too.
• 1:18:49
  Speaker 6: Even if this conversation goes poorly, this isn't.
• 1:18:53
  Speaker 1: The end of– this is not the end of life.
• 1:18:55
  Speaker 1: This is not the end of interaction. Yeah, good point.
• 1:18:57
  Speaker 6: Just letting people know that you're interested in having that
• 1:19:01
  Speaker 6: conversation going forward. If they aren't ready to have that
• 1:19:04
  Speaker 6: conversation right now– Now they know.
• 1:19:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. And now you've done what you can do.
• 1:19:09
  Speaker 1: You bring up a good point. Like if you're going
• 1:19:11
  Speaker 1: to have this conversation with somebody, I'm always a big
• 1:19:13
  Speaker 1: fan of never being imposing. Yeah. Never being like, hey,
• 1:19:15
  Speaker 1: can I get that? You know, like, let me, I
• 1:19:17
  Speaker 1: don't want to come in hard with an ask, you know,
• 1:19:19
  Speaker 1: I want to start by checking on them. Right. And
• 1:19:21
  Speaker 1: so just reaching out to say, hey, you're on my heart.
• 1:19:23
  Speaker 1: I was just thinking back to, you know, being a
• 1:19:25
  Speaker 1: little girl with your daughter. I just have such beautiful
• 1:19:27
  Speaker 1: memories with her. I just wanted to say hi. And
• 1:19:30
  Speaker 1: I wanted to ask, how are you? If you're all
• 1:19:32
  Speaker 1: in the same neighborhood still, I'd love to visit.
• 1:19:35
  Speaker 6: I was thinking about that picture. Man, I don't have
• 1:19:37
  Speaker 6: a copy of that picture. I'd love to get a
• 1:19:38
  Speaker 6: copy of that picture. If you could shoot me over that.
• 1:19:40
  Speaker 6: You might even want that to be step two.
• 1:19:41
  Speaker 1: That'd be awesome. Yeah, sure. Just start with the check-in.
• 1:19:44
  Speaker 1: I'm thinking about you. You were like a mother to
• 1:19:46
  Speaker 1: me in my childhood. Or even just starting with that
• 1:19:49
  Speaker 1: writer to call them and say, I just want to
• 1:19:51
  Speaker 1: tell you how grateful I am that you took me in.
• 1:19:53
  Speaker 1: I don't have a lot of good childhood memories. My
• 1:19:55
  Speaker 1: family was shitty. You guys were wonderful people. I was
• 1:19:59
  Speaker 1: always telling my friend how lucky she was to have
• 1:20:00
  Speaker 1: you as parents. I just think the world of you,
• 1:20:03
  Speaker 1: how are you? I just want to check on you.
• 1:20:04
  Speaker 1: Like even that just as a gift and then rolling
• 1:20:07
  Speaker 1: that forward into something more organic that's like I miss her.
• 1:20:11
  Speaker 1: I think about her all the time. Would it be
• 1:20:12
  Speaker 1: possible for me to get a photo? I could see
• 1:20:14
  Speaker 1: that being a two-step to that instead of just coming
• 1:20:16
  Speaker 1: right in with a hard ask. Just because you don't
• 1:20:18
  Speaker 1: want to pose on anybody. But I'm sorry about this, Ryder.
• 1:20:21
  Speaker 1: It's a terrible thing.
• 1:20:22
  Speaker 2: It is.
• 1:20:23
  Speaker 1: We have lost so many patients over the years, especially
• 1:20:25
  Speaker 1: to the disease of addiction and overdoses. It's one of
• 1:20:28
  Speaker 1: these fights that you're fighting until you just suddenly lose.
• 1:20:31
  Speaker 1: And especially with drug overdose, God, we just do not
• 1:20:34
  Speaker 1: get a lot of warning shots. You know, when it happens,
• 1:20:36
  Speaker 1: it happens. So it's a terrible disease. I'm really sorry
• 1:20:39
  Speaker 1: that you've been a victim of it now. But yeah,
• 1:20:41
  Speaker 1: I encourage you to reach out to these people and
• 1:20:43
  Speaker 1: just try to be somebody who can remind them of
• 1:20:46
  Speaker 1: better times. That'd probably be a gift.
• 1:20:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:20:49
  Speaker 1: We are going to take a quick break. And when
• 1:20:50
  Speaker 1: we come back, we're wrapping up the show. You're listening
• 1:20:52
  Speaker 1: to Pod Therapy.
• 1:20:54
  Speaker 5: Today's episode was brought to you by Jake Schneider, Malia,
• 1:20:57
  Speaker 5: Richard Bassey, Sonny Boy, Thunder Cougar, Falcon Scoop, Slurpy Kai, Motherfucker,
• 1:21:02
  Speaker 5: Sandra McWaffle, Elena, Gabriella Dame, Adam Warren, and not Keira Knightley.
• 1:21:07
  Speaker 5: Would you like to sponsor the show? Become a therapist
• 1:21:09
  Speaker 5: here at patreon.com slash therapy.
• 1:21:11
  Speaker 1: Well, listen, y'all, we had to record this one early.
• 1:21:14
  Speaker 1: So we're recording this one on September 6th. So if
• 1:21:16
  Speaker 1: you've joined our Patreon community since then, We are making
• 1:21:20
  Speaker 1: sure to thank you in the next episode. But if
• 1:21:22
  Speaker 1: you're hoping to hear it today, you ain't gonna. But
• 1:21:25
  Speaker 1: we'd like to let you know that you can go
• 1:21:27
  Speaker 1: to patreon.com slash therapy. You can get our extended show
• 1:21:29
  Speaker 1: ad free a day earlier. Oh, and on this point
• 1:21:32
  Speaker 1: of the ads, and I'm sad I didn't bring this
• 1:21:34
  Speaker 1: up in the last episode. So when we upload the
• 1:21:37
  Speaker 1: public show, the show that publishes on Thursdays, that one
• 1:21:40
  Speaker 1: does have ads. There's an extra step that we can
• 1:21:43
  Speaker 1: take to strategically make the ads only show up during
• 1:21:47
  Speaker 1: our trivia breaks. And it takes a little bit of
• 1:21:50
  Speaker 1: extra work to get that done. Most of the time
• 1:21:54
  Speaker 1: in history, we've done that. But then sometimes life happens
• 1:21:57
  Speaker 1: and we're just lucky that it gets published on time.
• 1:22:00
  Speaker 1: And so we don't take the extra steps and it
• 1:22:02
  Speaker 1: just gets riddled with ads. And we had somebody reach
• 1:22:04
  Speaker 1: out to us and say, when you guys don't organize
• 1:22:07
  Speaker 1: the ads, the show is almost fucking unlistenable. Like it's
• 1:22:10
  Speaker 1: just it's ads every week. A couple of minutes, there's
• 1:22:13
  Speaker 1: no warning shot, and I'll lose the banter that you
• 1:22:16
  Speaker 1: guys were in the middle of because now there's 90
• 1:22:17
  Speaker 1: seconds of ads. Even if I skip through them, I'll
• 1:22:20
  Speaker 1: lose the joke or whatever's going on. So I just
• 1:22:22
  Speaker 1: want to apologize for that. I'm trying really hard to
• 1:22:25
  Speaker 1: do a better job of keeping that clean, and so
• 1:22:27
  Speaker 1: we are trying to get that right. And I think
• 1:22:30
  Speaker 1: if we can't get it right, the episode is not
• 1:22:32
  Speaker 1: going to have fucking ads. It's that bad to listen to.
• 1:22:36
  Speaker 1: But as a reminder, patreon.com slash therapy. We set the
• 1:22:39
  Speaker 1: Patreon at the lowest possible level of $ 1, at which
• 1:22:42
  Speaker 1: point we do not touch that money. It literally just
• 1:22:44
  Speaker 1: gets evaporated into the air of Patreon. But we've kept
• 1:22:48
  Speaker 1: that TheraPal level. We have hundreds and hundreds of people
• 1:22:51
  Speaker 1: at the TheraPal level just who do that just so
• 1:22:54
  Speaker 1: they get the completely extended episode. They get it on
• 1:22:57
  Speaker 1: Wednesdays in the same app that they listen to all
• 1:23:00
  Speaker 1: their other podcasts in, and it's always ad-free. It's always perfect.
• 1:23:03
  Speaker 1: So if that's you, if you just like the show,
• 1:23:05
  Speaker 1: if we're part of your every week. Go to patreon.com
• 1:23:08
  Speaker 1: slash therapy. Sign up at the dollar level. If you're like, God,
• 1:23:11
  Speaker 1: I really don't want you guys. Dollar a month. Yeah,
• 1:23:12
  Speaker 1: if you're like, I do not want you guys to
• 1:23:13
  Speaker 1: see that money. We won't. Don't worry about it. You're
• 1:23:16
  Speaker 1: literally just paying a dollar to access this perfect feed
• 1:23:20
  Speaker 1: that comes through flawlessly.
• 1:23:21
  Speaker 5: I love pod therapy, but the thought of these guys
• 1:23:24
  Speaker 5: having any money.
• 1:23:25
  Speaker 1: I get it.
• 1:23:25
  Speaker 5: Like one dollar.
• 1:23:26
  Speaker 1: I get it.
• 1:23:27
  Speaker 6: And I'm going to tell you, it is not a
• 1:23:28
  Speaker 6: dollar an episode. It is $ 1 per month.
• 1:23:32
  Speaker 1: It's a quarter an episode. And he's telling you the truth.
• 1:23:34
  Speaker 6: If you put in a dollar into the Patreon, the
• 1:23:37
  Speaker 6: creator gets exactly zero money.
• 1:23:39
  Speaker 1: Don't you worry.
• 1:23:40
  Speaker 6: So if you are doing that and that's all you
• 1:23:43
  Speaker 6: can do and you want to get access to this, cool.
• 1:23:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah. If you want to support the show. Please give
• 1:23:48
  Speaker 1: more than a dollar. Yeah. And at $ 5, you can
• 1:23:50
  Speaker 1: watch us on YouTube. That's right. You'll get the YouTube
• 1:23:52
  Speaker 1: link most of the time.
• 1:23:54
  Speaker 6: Bare minimum, though, if you want to help the show,
• 1:23:55
  Speaker 6: if you want to keep the show on the air,
• 1:23:57
  Speaker 6: as we say over at Ice Cream Social, if you
• 1:23:58
  Speaker 6: think this show is worth more than $ 0, go ahead
• 1:24:01
  Speaker 6: and throw more than a dollar a month into the bucket.
• 1:24:03
  Speaker 1: Start at $ 2.
• 1:24:03
  Speaker 6: Start at $ 5.
• 1:24:06
  Speaker 1: You know, start at 100 and work your way down.
• 1:24:07
  Speaker 1: And treat yourself. I mean, you can always do that.
• 1:24:09
  Speaker 5: Treat yourself.
• 1:24:10
  Speaker 1: Start at 100 and treat yourself. Treat yourself to Whitney's
• 1:24:12
  Speaker 1: feet pics. Yeah. I mean, and her upcoming colonoscopy. You know,
• 1:24:16
  Speaker 1: we're publishing the video.
• 1:24:17
  Speaker 4: That's going to be more than $ 5. I don't know. Okay, guys.
• 1:24:19
  Speaker 1: $ 5.
• 1:24:19
  Speaker 5: 50.
• 1:24:20
  Speaker 1: Do you think they'll give me the video? Oh, yeah.
• 1:24:22
  Speaker 1: You can ask her. That's your medical data. Yeah, I
• 1:24:24
  Speaker 1: want to publish that. We will put it on Patreon. Okay?
• 1:24:27
  Speaker 1: There is a Patreon level where people.
• 1:24:29
  Speaker 5: Can get it. How far back do they start recording?
• 1:24:32
  Speaker 3: I mean, I want him to start in the other room.
• 1:24:33
  Speaker 3: I want it to be like a jackass. I want
• 1:24:37
  Speaker 3: it to be like Blair Witch Project. Like the doctors
• 1:24:39
  Speaker 3: are in another room, shaky cam.
• 1:24:41
  Speaker 1: Okay, here we go. I want it to be like
• 1:24:43
  Speaker 1: fucking fade up on an exterior shot. Morning. Yes.
• 1:24:48
  Speaker 3: East LA. We're watching the doctor brush his teeth and
• 1:24:52
  Speaker 3: get ready for the day. He's reading the news.
• 1:24:56
  Speaker 1: Anyway, as we wrap, we want to remind you, go
• 1:24:58
  Speaker 1: to patreon.com slash therapy, join the community, talk to other
• 1:25:01
  Speaker 1: people that listen to the show, give feedback to the
• 1:25:03
  Speaker 1: episodes in the discord, access our 10 year library, nine
• 1:25:07
  Speaker 1: and a half year library of all kinds of therapy
• 1:25:10
  Speaker 1: tools and research and references and rants and. Getting to
• 1:25:13
  Speaker 1: know the host. We have videos where we do interviews
• 1:25:15
  Speaker 1: and you can get to know us better. It's just
• 1:25:17
  Speaker 1: a really great archive. So go check it out. All
• 1:25:20
  Speaker 1: of that at patreon.com slash therapy for as little as
• 1:25:22
  Speaker 1: a buck. So again, if you've signed up since September 6th,
• 1:25:24
  Speaker 1: we don't know about it. But we'd like to thank
• 1:25:26
  Speaker 1: the benevolent, revered, generous, and flagrantly pro-therapy diehard who loves
• 1:25:30
  Speaker 1: you all so much. They give till it hurts. Our
• 1:25:32
  Speaker 1: Thera partner, Pickett. Pickett. And we want to thank our bosses,
• 1:25:34
  Speaker 1: the mysterious and shrouded Illuminati members of the fan club.
• 1:25:37
  Speaker 1: our third producers, Jake Schneider, Myra, Robert Browning Jr. Mintz,
• 1:25:41
  Speaker 1: Smitty Scoop, Richard fucking Macy, Judy Schneider, Malia, Leon Kasab,
• 1:25:45
  Speaker 1: Carolyn Albert, Kevin Chamberlain, Tess Miller. Dan Martin, Sammy Scoop,
• 1:25:49
  Speaker 1: Slurpy Kaye Motherfucker, Ben Stanley, Slapping Your Face, Sarah Smith,
• 1:25:53
  Speaker 1: Adam Hathaway, Byler T, Mike Helm, Oscar Swanrose, Paris, A
• 1:25:57
  Speaker 1: Sunny Boy, Darren Cunningham, Lib, Sandra McWaffle, Team Monaco, Thunder, Cougar,
• 1:26:01
  Speaker 1: Falcon Scoop, Heyo, Hannah Marie, Andrew Langmead, Emma, Tonka, and
• 1:26:05
  Speaker 1: Pony Soprano, Alina, Brittany Malichek, Chick Felicio, Gabrielle Adame, Sean Sutherland,
• 1:26:10
  Speaker 1: Max Agender Scoop, Chad Magg, Adam Warren, Inka LaPrince, Sam Cohn,
• 1:26:13
  Speaker 1: Be Gay, Do Crimes, Ellie O'Dare, NotKira Knightley, Amy Aardvark,
• 1:26:17
  Speaker 1: Edgar Allen Ho, and Dale the King.
• 1:26:20
  Speaker 5: And if you'd like to hear this episode uncut and unedited.
• 1:26:22
  Speaker 1: And why wouldn't you?
• 1:26:24
  Speaker 5: And enjoy our spontaneous side projects, go to patreon.com slash
• 1:26:27
  Speaker 5: therapy and thank you for supporting mental health.
• 1:26:29
  Speaker 1: That's all the time we got for this week's session.
• 1:26:31
  Speaker 1: I want to thank our landlords, SJ and the Ruckus,
• 1:26:33
  Speaker 1: Scenic Koi Pond Studios, and thanks to those of you
• 1:26:36
  Speaker 1: who contributed to our show today. We really appreciate it.
• 1:26:39
  Speaker 1: But remember, pod therapy isn't something you should keep all
• 1:26:41
  Speaker 1: to yourself. Share the episode with the world. Tag us
• 1:26:43
  Speaker 1: on the socials when you do.
• 1:26:45
  Speaker 6: It's at podtherapyguys on Instagram, threads on Twitter, and podtherapy
• 1:26:49
  Speaker 6: on Facebook. And don't forget about all the extra goodies
• 1:26:52
  Speaker 6: at patreon.com slash therapy.
• 1:26:54
  Speaker 5: And if you want to submit a question to the show,
• 1:26:56
  Speaker 5: you can do so by asking anonymously at podtherapy.net. emailing
• 1:27:00
  Speaker 5: us at podtherapyguys at gmail.com or click the link in
• 1:27:04
  Speaker 5: this episode description to be taken to our anonymous Google form.
• 1:27:07
  Speaker 6: I'm Nick.
• 1:27:08
  Speaker 4: I'm Whitney.
• 1:27:08
  Speaker 1: I'm Jim.
• 1:27:09
  Speaker 5: Thanks, and we'll see you for your appointment next week.
• 1:27:12
  Speaker 1: Here comes the line, oh yes, here comes the line.
• 1:27:15
  Speaker 1: Here comes a lion. Oh, yes. Here comes a lion. Oh, yes.
• 1:27:17
  Speaker 1: It's a lion.
• 1:27:18
  Speaker 2: Oh, yes.
• 1:27:18
  Speaker 1: Here comes a lion. Oh, yes. Here comes a lion. Look,
• 1:27:21
  Speaker 1: it's a lion. Look, it's a lion. Here comes a lion.
• 1:27:26
  Speaker 1: Here's a lion.
• 1:27:29
  Speaker 4: What majestical lyrics.
• 1:27:30
  Speaker 1: Did you hear that the guy who wrote the song
• 1:27:33
  Speaker 1: sued the comedian who said that? Yeah.
• 1:27:35
  Speaker 6: Really? He sued him saying that it's not true, but
• 1:27:39
  Speaker 6: the literal translation is.
• 1:27:41
  Speaker 1: It's a lion. Here comes a lion. Oh, yes.
• 1:27:43
  Speaker 5: Here comes a lion.
• 1:27:44
  Speaker 1: Look at that. Here comes a lion. And I will
• 1:27:46
  Speaker 1: sue you for outing my real lyrics. Here comes a lion.
• 1:27:50
  Speaker 1: Look at that. Here comes a lion.
• 1:27:51
  Speaker 4: Are you saying we're going to get sued?
• 1:27:52
  Speaker 1: Is that what I'm saying? Oh, shit. It's a lion.
• 1:27:57
  Speaker 4: Jacob's so good.
• 1:27:58
  Speaker 1: It's just a lion. Please sue me for this. I'd
• 1:28:02
  Speaker 1: have a really good time if you sued me for this.
• 1:28:04
  Speaker 1: This is how we go down.
• 1:28:05
  Speaker 4: That's where our lawyer money is spent.
• 1:28:06
  Speaker 1: That's all of our lawyers.
• 1:28:07
  Speaker 5: Honestly, that'd be the best thing that ever happens to
• 1:28:09
  Speaker 5: this show.
• 1:28:10
  Speaker 1: Because we get sued. No.
• 1:28:11
  Speaker 5: Because then more people want to listen to it. Yeah, yeah.
• 1:28:15
  Speaker 1: What was that all about?
• 1:28:16
  Speaker 4: Scandalous.
• 1:28:17
  Speaker 1: He's holding a lion.
• 1:28:19
  Speaker 4: That's the thing is bad publicity. It's a lion.
• 1:28:21
  Speaker 1: Why is that monkey holding the lion?
• 1:28:25
  Speaker 5: The lion.
• 1:28:26
  Speaker 1: No one knows why the monkey's involved at all.
• 1:28:30
  Speaker 5: See ya!
• 1:28:30
  Speaker 4: He's the only one with opposable thumbs.