Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #357 Holiday Best Of - 'Yes it's a Chore'

Transcript

#357 Holiday Best Of - 'Yes it's a Chore' · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

0:03
Speaker 1: School holidays have commenced right around the Eastern seaboard, or
0:07
Speaker 1: up and down I should say the Eastern Seaboard, with
0:10
Speaker 1: New South Wales, Queensland, the Act and Victoria all taking
0:14
Speaker 1: a well earned break. I guess the holiday spirit is
0:17
Speaker 1: going to be different depending on where you are, though,
0:18
Speaker 1: Queensland is living large and traveling. For those of you
0:23
Speaker 1: who are in the southern jurisdictions. Do you like that word.
0:26
Speaker 1: That's a big word, jurisdiction. The jurisdictions lockdowns continue in
0:31
Speaker 1: various forms, so we extend our sympathies to you. We're
0:34
Speaker 1: fortunately north of the border here in Queensland, so we
0:37
Speaker 1: will be able to enjoy the holiday. In spite of that,
0:39
Speaker 1: we're going to continue the Happy Families podcast and do
0:41
Speaker 1: what we can to bring well being and happiness to
0:44
Speaker 1: your family during the holidays. Oh by the way, I'm justin.
0:48
Speaker 1: I'm here with missus Happy Families, Kylie. I'm the found A.
0:51
Speaker 2: Bit carried away sometimes, don't you.
0:52
Speaker 1: Yeah, I kind of do every now and again. Well,
0:54
Speaker 1: there's stuff to talk about and people, well, hopefully people
0:57
Speaker 1: know who we are because they've been listening to the
0:58
Speaker 1: podcast for a while. With I'm the founder of Happy
1:01
Speaker 1: Families dot com dot and I've written six books about
1:03
Speaker 1: raising happy families and Kylie, you're the mum to our
1:05
Speaker 1: six baby girls aged from grade one through the moved
1:08
Speaker 1: out and married.
1:09
Speaker 2: Can I jump in with something completely unrelated?
1:12
Speaker 1: Of course, let's do this.
1:13
Speaker 2: I've been a little bit spoiled in the kitchen over
1:15
Speaker 2: the last few nights.
1:16
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, you have. Okay, before you go on, though,
1:20
Speaker 1: so I need to just make a quick mention. We're
1:23
Speaker 1: doing some work with a company at the moment, and
1:25
Speaker 1: they are sponsoring some of the work that we're doing.
1:28
Speaker 1: But the conversation that I think you're about to have
1:30
Speaker 1: is not sponsored. Okay, so this is like a hashtag
1:32
Speaker 1: sponsored hashtag not sponsored conversation because they are sponsoring some
1:35
Speaker 1: things we're doing, but they're not sponsoring this. They probably
1:37
Speaker 1: don't even know that we're having this conversation. So what
1:39
Speaker 1: were you going to say? And hopefully I'm right now
1:41
Speaker 1: that I've done that big intro.
1:43
Speaker 3: Well, I had a box delivered. That's why my doorstep
1:47
Speaker 3: on Saturday.
1:49
Speaker 1: And second box.
1:50
Speaker 3: Let's be honest, it has revolutionized my kitchen full of food.
1:56
Speaker 2: I didn't want it to I didn't think it would.
1:58
Speaker 3: We've looked at all of the options so many times,
2:01
Speaker 3: and with a family our size, yeah, yeah, yeah, it
2:03
Speaker 3: really just has not been a practical choice.
2:07
Speaker 1: So Hello Fresh is one of the grocery delivery services
2:10
Speaker 1: that are out their meal prep kind of things, and
2:12
Speaker 1: we've looked at them in the supermarkets. We've tried it
2:14
Speaker 1: before and we've just been too expensive. Probably isn't going
2:17
Speaker 1: to be fresh and taste good, and who knows what
2:19
Speaker 1: it's going to be. And we love your cooking anyway.
2:21
Speaker 1: But because they reached out and said, would you do
2:24
Speaker 1: some stuff for us, we said, well, we'll give it
2:25
Speaker 1: a go. And so they're not asking us to have
2:29
Speaker 1: a conversation about this on the podcast. They're getting us
2:31
Speaker 1: to do other things in other places. But I just
2:35
Speaker 1: am so glad that you're feeling the way that you're
2:36
Speaker 1: feeling about it, because I feel the same way as well.
2:38
Speaker 3: I've kind of got to a point after twenty three
2:40
Speaker 3: years in the kitchen and feeding my horde, just I'm
2:46
Speaker 3: not excited about the food that we eat anymore because
2:49
Speaker 3: the kids want the same food. I've been cooking spaghetti
2:52
Speaker 3: bolinaise for twenty three years.
2:54
Speaker 1: And you and I love to explore new food, but
2:57
Speaker 1: every time we do, we end up having a chorus
2:59
Speaker 1: avoids giving. I don't like that that sounds good. This gross,
3:02
Speaker 1: And so we've given Hello Fresh ago and you know what,
3:05
Speaker 1: I so, let's be completely honest. It's not the cheapest
3:09
Speaker 1: way to get food on your plate, but it's not
3:13
Speaker 1: actually much dearer than buying it from the store yourself.
3:16
Speaker 1: And the thing that I love about it is number
3:17
Speaker 1: one fresh recipes, things that we haven't tried before, but
3:21
Speaker 1: they're they're fresh but familiar. Like the kids have eaten
3:24
Speaker 1: literally every single thing we've put on their plate from
3:27
Speaker 1: hellow Fresh.
3:28
Speaker 4: Well.
3:29
Speaker 3: I put some salad dressing one of their salad dress
3:32
Speaker 3: salads the other night. It's such a tiny little sashet.
3:37
Speaker 3: I was like, the kids probably won't notice it too much.
3:40
Speaker 3: And they took a bite and they looked at me
3:42
Speaker 3: and said, did you put salad dressing on this?
3:45
Speaker 1: Yeah?
3:46
Speaker 2: And I said, just a little bit.
3:48
Speaker 1: It's so good.
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Speaker 2: Like their eyes lit up.
3:51
Speaker 1: We've gone through so many years of the kids saying
3:54
Speaker 1: they won't eat anything if there's any dressing.
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Speaker 2: I always have to put it on the side.
3:57
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, And so they've been eating the food
4:00
Speaker 1: But what I love most about it is we don't
4:01
Speaker 1: have to think about what we're going to eat because
4:03
Speaker 1: the decisions already made, the menu arrives, the portions already
4:07
Speaker 1: cut and ready to go, and it's literally a case
4:09
Speaker 1: of just following the recipe, the meal, the packet. Don't
4:13
Speaker 1: have to go to the grocery store. You said revolutionized.
4:17
Speaker 1: I'm not the one that's doing the hard yards in
4:18
Speaker 1: the kitchen like you do, and I'm feeling like it's
4:21
Speaker 1: revolutionized our lives. I love this thing.
4:23
Speaker 2: I'm so old.
4:24
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, we're going to continue trying this out, and
4:28
Speaker 1: if you want.
4:28
Speaker 2: To deliver boxes to my doorstep.
4:31
Speaker 1: I will accept anyone that does the work for you.
4:34
Speaker 1: So again, this is a not sponsored conversation. We're just
4:38
Speaker 1: sharing it because we're actually we're genuinely taken by it,
4:41
Speaker 1: and we don't know why we've waited this long.
4:43
Speaker 2: Well I do I have six kids?
4:45
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, there were some practical considerations, but now we've
4:48
Speaker 1: only got four at home and it's working for us. Hey,
4:51
Speaker 1: because it's the school holidays, we really need to get
4:52
Speaker 1: on with the purpose of our podcast. We are going
4:57
Speaker 1: to do our very best to enjoy a break with
4:59
Speaker 1: our kids. For those with families in Sydney and Melbourne,
5:02
Speaker 1: we hope that you're getting a break from homeschooling and
5:04
Speaker 1: maybe just reconnecting and relaxing a bit with your children.
5:07
Speaker 1: So over the next two weeks we're going to have
5:09
Speaker 1: a little bit of time off with our girls. But
5:10
Speaker 1: we wanted to keep you connected with some of our
5:12
Speaker 1: favorite episodes from this year.
5:14
Speaker 2: Episode one and ninety five. Yeses, it's a chore.
5:18
Speaker 1: It's a chore.
5:19
Speaker 3: But in this episode we answered a listener question about
5:21
Speaker 3: that challenge that so many parents face, how to get
5:24
Speaker 3: the kids to do their chores.
5:29
Speaker 4: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the
5:32
Speaker 4: time poor parent who just wants answers.
5:35
Speaker 1: Now, make sure that the tasks are developmentally appropriate. There's
5:39
Speaker 1: no point asking the six year old bluepack the dishwasher
5:42
Speaker 1: if she can't reach into the cupboard where the cups go,
5:45
Speaker 1: because it's up too high and she's going to have
5:46
Speaker 1: to climb on the bench and there's a chance that
5:48
Speaker 1: she's going to fall and break everything.
5:50
Speaker 4: And now here's the stars of our show, My Mum
5:53
Speaker 4: and Dad.
5:53
Speaker 1: Today. This is doctor Justin Colson, the author of six
5:56
Speaker 1: books about how to raise happy families. I'm here with Kylie,
5:58
Speaker 1: my wife and co host, podcast partner, and mum to
6:01
Speaker 1: our six daughters. I got given a bit of grief
6:04
Speaker 1: after something that happened on the podcast last Friday. Without
6:08
Speaker 1: our older Better Tomorrow. I thought I was being a
6:09
Speaker 1: great dad, not expecting that.
6:12
Speaker 3: Well, we did get some feedback the guns and roses
6:14
Speaker 3: might not have been the best choice for motivating the kids.
6:17
Speaker 1: So if you missed it, here's what happened. I got
6:19
Speaker 1: cranky and I said, fair income. You know, your kids
6:21
Speaker 1: are ungrateful, and I'm working my backside off and we've
6:24
Speaker 1: got bills and I'm stressed out of my brain and
6:26
Speaker 1: you can't even watch some dishes, and we worked so
6:28
Speaker 1: hard for you, and I really sort of laid the
6:29
Speaker 1: guilt on. And then I felt bad because they all came,
6:32
Speaker 1: you know, sullen faced into the kitchen and picked up
6:34
Speaker 1: details and started to clean up, and I said, oh, look,
6:36
Speaker 1: music always makes our family happier. Tonight, we're going to
6:39
Speaker 1: do some music appreciation, which which music appreciation really means
6:43
Speaker 1: I'm going to play music that I like and you
6:45
Speaker 1: kids going to appreciate it. And so I put on
6:48
Speaker 1: some guns and Roses, Yes you did, which you didn't appreciate.
6:53
Speaker 5: So I cranked up Paradise City, you know, take me
6:56
Speaker 5: down to the parents, and I was just thinking this
6:58
Speaker 5: is great, and then Membraine came on and I was
7:01
Speaker 5: rocking out to Novemberrain and it really lifted my mood.
7:04
Speaker 3: Well it did, and it actually sped the kids dishwashing
7:06
Speaker 3: up because they wanted to get out of there as
7:08
Speaker 3: fast as they didn't.
7:10
Speaker 1: Lift anybody else's it. Everyone else was cranky as anything.
7:13
Speaker 1: See now I don't think that that's that big of
7:15
Speaker 1: a deal, but you know, I mean when you listen
7:18
Speaker 1: to this, doesn't it make you feel like doing the dishes?
7:21
Speaker 1: I mean, really, you know where this is going, so
7:26
Speaker 1: you're loving it, You're smiling, you're into it. Bit of
7:29
Speaker 1: Gunners and all of a sudden, everyone's in the kitchen
7:31
Speaker 1: having fun. But we got feedback that somebody didn't think
7:34
Speaker 1: it would work with their daughters. With the gunners singing
7:39
Speaker 1: Paradise City, you're not into it. You've lost I've lost,
7:46
Speaker 1: I've completely lost year.
7:47
Speaker 3: Well, you know, I had to listen to it on
7:49
Speaker 3: Friday night in the kitchen.
7:51
Speaker 1: Did the kitchen get tidy? That's what I want to
7:53
Speaker 1: know did the kitchen get tidy?
7:54
Speaker 2: It did take a long time.
7:56
Speaker 1: We were dancing, We're having fun. The energy was rate.
8:00
Speaker 1: I still stand by the fact that if you get
8:03
Speaker 1: music involved in the chores and everything that happens there,
8:06
Speaker 1: you're always going to have a better time.
8:08
Speaker 3: Look in your defense, you have listened to Disney Music
8:13
Speaker 3: Channel for about I don't know, twenty years part.
8:16
Speaker 1: Of your world the Little Mermaid, I mean high school.
8:19
Speaker 1: I've gone through so many Disney princess songs it's ridiculous, and.
8:23
Speaker 3: I think it is time that you, you know, let
8:26
Speaker 3: your hair down a little bit.
8:27
Speaker 2: All right.
8:27
Speaker 1: So we got the feedback from somebody who said, my
8:30
Speaker 1: kids just would not tolerate guns and roses. They'd be
8:32
Speaker 1: out of the room and I'd be doing the kitchen
8:33
Speaker 1: on my own, which probably isn't going to be the
8:34
Speaker 1: worst thing in the world. But we also received some
8:37
Speaker 1: listener feedback. Somebody just had a challenging question for us,
8:42
Speaker 1: and I thought we'd answer that today.
8:43
Speaker 3: Christina is from the Hills District in Northwest Sydney and
8:47
Speaker 3: she has a tricky question for us. Okay, guys, I've
8:51
Speaker 3: got four kids ten, eight, six, and four and I
8:54
Speaker 3: just can't get them to their chores.
8:55
Speaker 1: I'm really polling my hair out. What have you been
8:57
Speaker 1: doing to try to get them to do their So.
9:00
Speaker 3: We've found rewards charts and pocket money incentives and peter
9:07
Speaker 3: out and lose interest. Christina, we've actually found the same
9:10
Speaker 3: thing in our family. We had a really awesome conversation
9:13
Speaker 3: with Alfie Cone on the podcast recently about this very
9:18
Speaker 3: thing and how rewards just undermine our kids intrinsic motivation
9:22
Speaker 3: to do things.
9:23
Speaker 1: So we'll actually link to those podcast episodes because Alfie,
9:27
Speaker 1: world famous author, has written some incredible books, including Punished
9:30
Speaker 1: by Rewards. He actually talks about why we shouldn't be
9:33
Speaker 1: trying rewards charts to get kids to do their chores,
9:37
Speaker 1: so we'll link to that. We've obviously found the same
9:39
Speaker 1: thing in our family, which is why we don't do that.
9:41
Speaker 1: But you know what we have found does work really
9:43
Speaker 1: well is the chor chart.
9:46
Speaker 3: And we've tried lots of different ways of doing that
9:48
Speaker 3: short chart, haven't we, And some of it.
9:51
Speaker 1: Has been absolutely painful. But when you've got a chorre
9:55
Speaker 1: chart that ticks a handful of boxes, it seems that
9:59
Speaker 1: that's going to be a more effective way to get
10:01
Speaker 1: chores done than offering bribes and rewards and all of
10:04
Speaker 1: the drama that's involved in trying to make that happen.
10:07
Speaker 1: I guess it's the same sort of thing with pocket money.
10:10
Speaker 1: We've got My very first or maybe my second podcast
10:13
Speaker 1: episode ever was about pocket money. We'll link to that
10:16
Speaker 1: as well in the show notes. But if you go
10:17
Speaker 1: all the way back through the archives to the very beginning,
10:19
Speaker 1: I've talked a lot about why we shouldn't be linking
10:21
Speaker 1: pocket money with chores now. Scott Paper, wrote the Barefoot Investor,
10:26
Speaker 1: he disagrees with me. He thinks that it's supposed to
10:28
Speaker 1: be linked very clearly, that you get money for having
10:31
Speaker 1: done a good job. But for us, in our family,
10:33
Speaker 1: we've found that if you're part of the family, you
10:35
Speaker 1: do chores because you've made the mess and now you're
10:37
Speaker 1: going to clean it up. You know, you've eaten the dinner,
10:38
Speaker 1: so now you're going to help clean it up, and
10:40
Speaker 1: we're not going to pay you for that.
10:41
Speaker 3: Well, I guess it only seems fair if you're going
10:43
Speaker 3: to pay the children to do the jobs.
10:44
Speaker 2: Can I get some money too?
10:46
Speaker 1: I wouldn't mind that. That'd be creative. I could get
10:49
Speaker 1: paid for mowing my own law and I wouldn't mind
10:51
Speaker 1: that at all. So so chort chats worked really well.
10:54
Speaker 1: And the other thing with chort charts, we had a
10:57
Speaker 1: conversation with our children. We sat down and had what
10:59
Speaker 1: we would call like a family meeting, and we said, guys,
11:03
Speaker 1: we've got to have a talk about chores. Nothing face.
11:05
Speaker 2: And we have those regularly.
11:06
Speaker 1: We do. We have around every week, not quite but
11:09
Speaker 1: almost every week, and we talk about chores. And we
11:12
Speaker 1: had this conversation, it's not working. What are we going
11:14
Speaker 1: to do? So one of the kids suggested, why don't
11:16
Speaker 1: we divide the house into sections and each person will
11:19
Speaker 1: just be responsible for their own section. And that worked
11:22
Speaker 1: really well for a while. We worked out what the
11:23
Speaker 1: tasks were in each section and they took care of that.
11:27
Speaker 1: And then one of the others came up with another
11:30
Speaker 1: idea as well.
11:31
Speaker 3: They wanted to rotate the chores. So, you know, one
11:34
Speaker 3: week they.
11:34
Speaker 1: Looked, after my section is so boring, I hate my section.
11:38
Speaker 1: I don't want to do this job. I want to
11:39
Speaker 1: do your job. So yeah, they.
11:41
Speaker 3: Complain to me, the grass is always greener on the
11:43
Speaker 3: other side, even scrubbing the tool.
11:45
Speaker 2: It seems better than having to do whatever their job is.
11:47
Speaker 1: So rotating the chores based on the chore chart each
11:50
Speaker 1: section rather than each person had a chore chart and
11:53
Speaker 1: they would just rotate from section to section. That worked
11:55
Speaker 1: really well for a while as well.
11:56
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I think the one that works best for
11:59
Speaker 3: us is actually the kids each have their own chur
12:02
Speaker 3: chart and it actually individually just lists the chores that
12:06
Speaker 3: they are required to do every day. And it's simple
12:10
Speaker 3: things like, you know, make your own bed and put
12:12
Speaker 3: your clothes away, and so it's got all of those
12:15
Speaker 3: everyday tasks as well as the jobs that they would
12:18
Speaker 3: need to do maybe once a week some of them,
12:20
Speaker 3: some of them are three times a week, and they
12:22
Speaker 3: can kind of visually see it in one space instead
12:25
Speaker 3: of having to see, okay, well I'm doing this, but
12:28
Speaker 3: you know, my sister's doing this, and yeah, it kind
12:31
Speaker 3: of uncomplicates it for them, and I think that that's
12:33
Speaker 3: the one that's really worked the best.
12:34
Speaker 1: You know, what we might do will link to the
12:38
Speaker 1: chor chart that we've got for each of our kids
12:40
Speaker 1: in the show notes as well, so people who want
12:42
Speaker 1: to download it, you're going to need PowerPoint on your
12:43
Speaker 1: computer because We've designed it in PowerPoint and there's lots
12:46
Speaker 1: of pretty boxes and lots of pretty colors. But the
12:48
Speaker 1: children have responded really, really well to that. As a
12:51
Speaker 1: general rule, it's not perfect, but it's been one of
12:54
Speaker 1: the best things that we've done. There's a couple of
12:56
Speaker 1: other things that we've done that I think will change
12:58
Speaker 1: the game for every family when it comes to chores,
13:01
Speaker 1: and a couple of principles that underlie getting the chores right.
13:04
Speaker 1: So that we can help Christina and everyone else with
13:06
Speaker 1: this challenge.
13:07
Speaker 2: Can we talk about that after the row.
13:09
Speaker 4: It's their Happy Families podcast.
13:12
Speaker 1: For a happier family, Try a Happy Families membership, because
13:16
Speaker 1: a happy family doesn't just happen. Details at happy families
13:19
Speaker 1: dot com dot au. It's the Happy Families Podcast, the
13:23
Speaker 1: podcast for the time poor parent who just wants answers.
13:25
Speaker 1: Now we're talking chores and how to get the kids
13:28
Speaker 1: to get stuff done. We've got a couple of absolute winners,
13:32
Speaker 1: things that invariably lead to success.
13:36
Speaker 3: My favorite is the ten minute tidy.
13:40
Speaker 1: So describe the ten minute tidy for the uninitiated. I
13:43
Speaker 1: love it as well. It's always a winner for our family.
13:46
Speaker 1: Oh sorry, not always, but ninety nine percent of the time.
13:49
Speaker 1: It just works well.
13:50
Speaker 3: The great thing about the ten minute tidy is it
13:51
Speaker 3: has a limit. It has a time limit to it,
13:54
Speaker 3: and so the kids know they have ten minutes. And
13:56
Speaker 3: the way we've actually timed that ten minutes and it's
13:59
Speaker 3: you know.
13:59
Speaker 2: It's not true through ten minutes.
14:00
Speaker 1: It's rough.
14:01
Speaker 3: It's a rough. It's three songs. So we line up
14:05
Speaker 3: our top three energizer bunny songs that we can listen
14:09
Speaker 3: to and we pump that music.
14:12
Speaker 2: At full blast.
14:14
Speaker 1: The neighbors hate it when we're doing our ten minutes
14:15
Speaker 1: tidy because it's loud, and you know, every now and again,
14:18
Speaker 1: I get a bit sneaky. And because I used to
14:20
Speaker 1: be a radio and aszer, I know how long a
14:22
Speaker 1: lot of the really good songs are. And so I'll
14:25
Speaker 1: be like, man, the house is not going to get
14:26
Speaker 1: done in ten minutes. So I'll put in like an
14:28
Speaker 1: eight minute song.
14:29
Speaker 2: You have done that once.
14:31
Speaker 1: It's just three songs, guys, but one of those songs
14:33
Speaker 1: goes for eight minutes. That guarantees we're going to get
14:35
Speaker 1: at least fifteen minutes of good quality tiding. So and
14:38
Speaker 1: I think that highlights something else, and that is that music.
14:41
Speaker 1: I mean, we were talking about guns and Roses before.
14:43
Speaker 1: Maybe guns and Roses isn't for everybody, and to be honest,
14:47
Speaker 1: I'm not even that into them anymore. But what it
14:49
Speaker 1: does do is it provides a level of energy and
14:52
Speaker 1: it brings everyone together and it creates fun around the chores,
14:57
Speaker 1: and the chores get done because we're number one together,
15:00
Speaker 1: number two having fun, and number three we've got the music.
15:03
Speaker 1: So that's one of the strategies that we use that
15:06
Speaker 1: really works tremendously well.
15:08
Speaker 3: And my number two favorite is all in. And the
15:11
Speaker 3: one thing I love about all in is that there's
15:14
Speaker 3: actually no time limit to it, and it always includes
15:16
Speaker 3: music because we put the music on and there's just
15:20
Speaker 3: an energy that comes with music.
15:22
Speaker 2: But all in.
15:22
Speaker 3: Means that everybody just chips and until the job's done.
15:25
Speaker 3: And most of the time, all in is our dinner.
15:28
Speaker 1: Yeah, we've did it, very very rarely invoked the all
15:31
Speaker 1: in cry except straight after dinner and the kids just
15:34
Speaker 1: know we'll be having dinner or were having our evening
15:37
Speaker 1: conversation and then I'll let everyone know, hey, guys, once
15:40
Speaker 1: dinner's done, it's all in. And there's a couple of
15:43
Speaker 1: kids that roll their eyes like bo and then you know,
15:45
Speaker 1: as soon as dinner's over, at least two of them
15:46
Speaker 1: always have to go to the bathroom right then, at
15:49
Speaker 1: least at least two. But they always sort of come
15:52
Speaker 1: back because there's music and there's conversation, and it's all
15:55
Speaker 1: in and the table's cleared, and the benches are cleared
15:56
Speaker 1: and the dishes are put away and all in again,
16:00
Speaker 1: getting chores done. When you're doing it in a united way,
16:04
Speaker 1: when people are all together, it just makes it happen.
16:07
Speaker 1: It doesn't work for everybody all the time. You can't
16:09
Speaker 1: always do it like that, but when you can, my goodness,
16:12
Speaker 1: it makes a difference.
16:13
Speaker 3: And what I love about it the most is that
16:15
Speaker 3: even though every now and again, let's face it, lots
16:18
Speaker 3: of times there's one or two cranky children in the process,
16:21
Speaker 3: there are conversations that just happen as we work side
16:24
Speaker 3: by side that wouldn't happen if you put the kids
16:26
Speaker 3: to bed so that you could have some quiet time
16:28
Speaker 3: at the sink.
16:29
Speaker 1: Or just staring at the TV watching some Netflix or
16:32
Speaker 1: whatever it might be.
16:33
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I've really loved watching the kids kind of
16:37
Speaker 3: connect in that space as they work side by side.
16:40
Speaker 2: And I really love watching the kids connect.
16:43
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah. So one of the challenges that we
16:46
Speaker 1: have is that the house gets messy through the week
16:48
Speaker 1: and even though we've got chores happening and we're trying
16:50
Speaker 1: to stay on top of it, by the time we
16:51
Speaker 1: get to the weekend, the reality is it's not at
16:54
Speaker 1: the standard that we wish that it could be. The
16:57
Speaker 1: weekend tidy is a really big deal, and we try
17:01
Speaker 1: to do it not too often, but it has to
17:03
Speaker 1: be done from time to time. But we've also sacrificed
17:06
Speaker 1: so many Saturday mornings to the God of clean surfaces,
17:10
Speaker 1: and I just don't really like worshiping it that altar,
17:13
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like Saturday is meant to
17:15
Speaker 1: be to the extent that it's possible. I know, not
17:17
Speaker 1: everyone can. Some people have got to work on Saturdays,
17:20
Speaker 1: and we've been there for years as well, But most
17:23
Speaker 1: of the time now we get Saturdays off, and yet
17:25
Speaker 1: we still find ourselves cleaning. So what have we done
17:29
Speaker 1: that you can think of that's actually been really great
17:31
Speaker 1: for getting the big clean done on the weekend.
17:33
Speaker 3: I think the most important thing when it comes to
17:35
Speaker 3: a weekend clean is having a time frame and telling
17:40
Speaker 3: the kids. All right, we've got a couple of really
17:41
Speaker 3: big jobs. If we all knuckle down and work together,
17:45
Speaker 3: we'll have this done in an hour.
17:47
Speaker 2: Two hours.
17:47
Speaker 3: Whatever it is that you deem is appropriate, and then
17:51
Speaker 3: you actually honor that. I think that's the most important.
17:53
Speaker 3: This is their kids. This is the kid's weekend as
17:55
Speaker 3: much as it's yours. And if we just get so
18:00
Speaker 3: narrow minded, and you know.
18:02
Speaker 1: I've got to finish the game. I've done the garage,
18:04
Speaker 1: I'm going to do the shed. And while you know,
18:06
Speaker 1: while I'm doing the shed, you're inside doing the bedrooms
18:08
Speaker 1: and were scrubbing the walls, and all of a sudden,
18:09
Speaker 1: it's become an entire spring plan. That's not fair.
18:12
Speaker 2: Yeah, and we.
18:12
Speaker 3: Lose, we lose the positive vibe that can come from
18:16
Speaker 3: working together. It becomes a real drain on everybody. And
18:20
Speaker 3: the reality is after a big week for all of us,
18:23
Speaker 3: we actually need some downtime. I think it's really important
18:25
Speaker 3: for us as families to recognize that. And so the
18:28
Speaker 3: things that have worked really well for us as we've
18:30
Speaker 3: given a time limit, we've told the kids in advance, so.
18:33
Speaker 1: They here are the chores we're doing in that time.
18:36
Speaker 1: And if we don't get it all done. We don't,
18:37
Speaker 1: but you've got to work honestly during that time.
18:40
Speaker 3: Yeah, and we don't wake them up with the list,
18:42
Speaker 3: so they know before they go to bed the night
18:44
Speaker 3: before that tomorrow morning, mom and dad are going to
18:46
Speaker 3: wake you up at this time.
18:48
Speaker 2: We're going to work hard and fast.
18:49
Speaker 1: We're all in the garden. We're going to pull the
18:51
Speaker 1: weeds for an hour, and then we're going to go
18:52
Speaker 1: and have fun.
18:53
Speaker 3: And that's it. It's the fun at the other end.
18:55
Speaker 3: So whether it be you know, milkshakes for everybody or
18:59
Speaker 3: head down to the beach, I think that it's really
19:01
Speaker 3: important that we just give ourselves that time to rejuvenate.
19:04
Speaker 1: In spite of all of the ideas that we've just shared,
19:07
Speaker 1: all of the tips and tricks, it can still be
19:09
Speaker 1: tricky and sometimes you can't get chores happening together. Sometimes
19:14
Speaker 1: it's not convenient playing music. Sometimes the things that we've
19:18
Speaker 1: shared won't work. Sometimes even the chor chart doesn't work.
19:21
Speaker 1: And I think that there are three key principles that
19:24
Speaker 1: we always need to remember when it comes to chores. First, one,
19:27
Speaker 1: have a family meeting with the kids, like actually sit
19:29
Speaker 1: down and talk about it. Work it out together and
19:32
Speaker 1: explain what you expect, but then listen to them and
19:36
Speaker 1: explore their world and then empower them to come up
19:38
Speaker 1: with a solution.
19:39
Speaker 2: And I think that's key involving them.
19:41
Speaker 1: Yeah, the more involved the children are and putting together
19:43
Speaker 1: the chore charts or the chores lists or the plans
19:46
Speaker 1: for chores, the more likely it is that they'll stick.
19:49
Speaker 1: The second critical thing consistency. So we've built chor charts
19:54
Speaker 1: over the years, but if we don't stay on it
19:58
Speaker 1: on a daily and a weekly basis, it kind of
20:02
Speaker 1: falls in a heap, right, Yeah, and two weeks ago
20:05
Speaker 1: and by and we're like, nobody's cleaned the toilet, what's
20:07
Speaker 1: going on? Oh?
20:08
Speaker 2: Can I guess what number three is?
20:10
Speaker 1: Then? Sure?
20:11
Speaker 3: Is it?
20:11
Speaker 2: Accountability?
20:13
Speaker 1: Well, accountability and consistency are kind of the same thing. Yeah,
20:16
Speaker 1: I'm saying, be consistent in your expectation and be consistent
20:20
Speaker 1: in keeping the kids accountable because if you don't do that, yeah,
20:23
Speaker 1: you're on the right line. The other thing that I
20:25
Speaker 1: was going to say for number three, though, is make
20:27
Speaker 1: sure that the tasks are developmentally appropriate, because there's no
20:31
Speaker 1: point asking the six year old one pack the dishwasher
20:34
Speaker 1: if she can't reach into the cupboard where the cups
20:37
Speaker 1: go because it's up too high, and she's going to
20:38
Speaker 1: have to climb on the bench and there's a chance
20:40
Speaker 1: that she's going to fall and break everything, and you know,
20:42
Speaker 1: they'll be blood or anything. We want to make sure
20:45
Speaker 1: that the tasks that we're giving the children are developmentally appropriate.
20:48
Speaker 3: But the six year old actually loves scrubbing the toilet.
20:52
Speaker 1: Who wouldn't have thought. And then of course we've got
20:55
Speaker 1: our ten year old who has a really big sook
20:57
Speaker 1: because she wants to mow the lawn, but she's actually
20:58
Speaker 1: not quite big enough to manage the lawn mower at
21:00
Speaker 1: this point, and so the thirteen year old and he's, look,
21:02
Speaker 1: that's my job.
21:03
Speaker 3: So she's never actually pushed the lawn mower in ash.
21:07
Speaker 1: Yeah, so chores are a bit of a challenge. But Christina,
21:10
Speaker 1: we hope that that's been really helpful. We really hope
21:12
Speaker 1: that you enjoy the podcast and you get loads out
21:14
Speaker 1: of it. If you do, could you please jump onto
21:16
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts and leave a rating and review so that
21:18
Speaker 1: everyone else can find out about the podcast and we
21:20
Speaker 1: can spread the word and help everyone to make their
21:22
Speaker 1: families happier. We really appreciate the good work done by
21:24
Speaker 1: Justin Ruland from Bridge Media who produces the podcast, and
21:27
Speaker 1: our executive producer is Craig Bruce. If you'd like more
21:30
Speaker 1: information about how to make your families happier flourishing, all
21:33
Speaker 1: you need to do is jump onto the Happy Family's website.
21:37
Speaker 1: Look up everything that you can find about the Happy
21:39
Speaker 1: Families memberships. We think you'll find them amazing. The details
21:42
Speaker 1: or at happy families dot com dot au