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Transcript

#51 The Elliotts · Heavyweight

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: What I'm trying to remember. Do you have any celebrity
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: impressions that you do?
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: No?
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: Didn't you used to do celindio?
• 0:11
  Speaker 3: No, I used to.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Do that the theme song to the Titanic.
• 0:16
  Speaker 4: No, that was Karen.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: Karen used to.
• 0:18
  Speaker 5: Sing that song.
• 0:19
  Speaker 6: Karen does sing that song.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: Does she have a nice voice?
• 0:22
  Speaker 7: No?
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Because guess who I have on the other line. Karen?
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: Did that scare you?
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: Did it give me a little nervous?
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: Did it not make you feel alive?
• 0:36
  Speaker 8: Oh?
• 0:38
  Speaker 9: Get a little scared?
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: A little scared.
• 0:40
  Speaker 6: Yeah, she doesn't have a nice voice.
• 0:42
  Speaker 4: I mean she can wait.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: A second, She's back on the line. It's Karen. Oh, Jackie,
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: how could you say that about my singing? From Gimblet Media,
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: I'm Jonathan Gold and this is Heavyweight Today's episode the Elliots.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: Right after the break, I get a lot of emails
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: from people looking for help, but Dylan's stood out. Dear Jonathan,
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: It read I have a big one for you, the
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: heaviest weight yet. Dylan's email was over the top clickbaity
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: even Hi Dylan, how are you?
• 1:37
  Speaker 5: Jonathan?
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: But who among us is inured to the lure of clickbait?
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: Dylan Elliott lives in Dublin and the story he tells
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: me you'll have to hear to believe. Dylan says that
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: when he and his family get together, their favorite thing
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: to do is share stories of their misfortune, mysterious ailments
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: and plumbing disasters, near drownings, and dental procedures gone terribly awry.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: They always come away from these sessions wondering the same thing,
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: how can one family have so much bad luck?
• 2:13
  Speaker 5: So a few years ago, mostly large family gathering.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: Dylan says that at a recent family wedding, he and
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: his brothers were going around the table enumerting their woes
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: as usual wrong in their lives, when their father suddenly
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: interrupted them.
• 2:27
  Speaker 5: And then my dad came out and said, well, they
• 2:29
  Speaker 5: don't know about the curse, the Elliot curse.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: Dylan and his brothers looked at each other. What elliot curse?
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: They'd never heard of such a thing, And so their
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: father offered what would prove to be a unifying theory
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: of their terrible luck. He began at the beginning.
• 2:53
  Speaker 5: The very beginning is fifteen twenty five.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: About five hundred years ago, Scotland and England were at
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: war over the territory along their border. The people who
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: lived along these borderlands were hardest head.
• 3:08
  Speaker 5: And so they were left in this nomadic position where
• 3:12
  Speaker 5: the only living they could make was by going back
• 3:14
  Speaker 5: and forth across the border and thieving.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: Thieving, in pillaging, in maiming, as well as murdering.
• 3:22
  Speaker 5: What they had to be as a culture was extremely
• 3:25
  Speaker 5: friendly but also really murdery, because like, if you've got
• 3:29
  Speaker 5: to be in moving from area to area, you had
• 3:31
  Speaker 5: to be very open to people because there could be
• 3:33
  Speaker 5: trades going on, but if they wrong you, you've got
• 3:38
  Speaker 5: to kill them immediately.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: And these people, these friendly, murdery people who lived along
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: the border were called border reavers. You say reavers, Yeah, reavers?
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: What are those?
• 3:52
  Speaker 5: It's kind of like the exact opposite of a weaver.
• 3:54
  Speaker 5: So weavers makes clothes. Reavers were kind of like murderers.
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: Wait, weavers make clothes, but revers are murderers. Yes, which
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: technically isn't the opposite of making clothes.
• 4:06
  Speaker 5: It's quite far away, though, in fairness.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: It is it is. But probably the opposite of making
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: clothes would be like maybe ripping.
• 4:14
  Speaker 5: Up clothes and stealing.
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: I guess, yeah, again, not necessarily the opposite, but I
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: get it. Yeah, it's the other end of the spectrum. Sorry,
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: thank you. That's the opposite of a curse, by the way.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: To bring it back to opposites, Dylan says there were
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: a number of Reaver family clans, but one of the biggest,
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: most notorious, least weavery, and most murdery of all were
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: the Elliots. And that's you. You're You're Dylan Elliot.
• 4:45
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: In fifteen twenty five, the then Archbishop of Glasgow, desperate
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: to deter the Reavers, placed a curse on them, the
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: aforementioned Elliot curse. I should read the cris to you please.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: I curse their heads and all the hairs of their head.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: I cursed their face, their brain, their mouth, their nose,
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: their tongue, their teeth, their forehead, their shoulders, their breast,
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: their heart, their stomach, their back, their womb, their arms,
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: their legs, their hands, their feet, and every part of
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: their body from the top of their head to the
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: soles of their feet, before and behind within them without
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: as a jew raised on Yiddish curses, my bubb is,
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: may you hang upside down like a chandelier, most often
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: levied against my grandfather for losing the TV remote. Was
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: about as bad as I got it sounds worse than Yiddish,
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: but still it's nothing compared to this curse.
• 5:44
  Speaker 5: I cursed them going, and I curssed them writing. I
• 5:46
  Speaker 5: curst them standing, and I cursed them sitting. Curse.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: This curse reads like a children's book written by a
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: serial killer. I would curse them here or there, I
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: would curse them anywhere.
• 5:56
  Speaker 5: I curse them within the house, I cursed them outside
• 5:59
  Speaker 5: of the house. I cursed them at home. I cursed
• 6:01
  Speaker 5: them away from home. I cursed them rising, their cattle,
• 6:10
  Speaker 5: their wool, their sheep, their barnyards, their cowsheds, their cabbage patches,
• 6:14
  Speaker 5: even their cabbage patches, their horses.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: And it's not just the Reavers themselves that the Archbishop damns,
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: but anyone remotely associated with them.
• 6:24
  Speaker 5: I forbid all Christian men and women to have any
• 6:26
  Speaker 5: company with them, eating, drinking, speaking, crying, lying, going, standing
• 6:31
  Speaker 5: under the pain of deadly sin.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: And just when you think there's nothing left, a curse, okay.
• 6:39
  Speaker 5: Made the thunder and lightning which rain down upon someone.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: For a full three minutes, Dylan continues on with wildfires
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: and dyspepsia, pestilence, and plagues, until finally I.
• 6:51
  Speaker 5: Condemned them perpetually to the deep pit of hell, there
• 6:54
  Speaker 5: to remain with Lucifer and all his fellows, then ripped
• 6:57
  Speaker 5: and torn by dogs until late forbear They're and sins
• 7:00
  Speaker 5: and make satisfaction at Bennett's.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a curse. Back at the family wedding, seated
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: around the table, Dylan says he remembers that when his
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: dad was done reciting excerpts from the curse, he was
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: met with stunned silence.
• 7:17
  Speaker 5: You almost expect people to laugh when hear curs. Liked that,
• 7:20
  Speaker 5: but there wasn't really a laugh. The reaction in the
• 7:23
  Speaker 5: room with this kind of aha moment reference like this
• 7:27
  Speaker 5: makes total sense. This explains why so many weird things
• 7:30
  Speaker 5: of mont Our family.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: Weird and also weirdly specific to the curse. Dylan tells
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: me about the soles of his feet he was born
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: flat footed, and his tongue he was born tongue tied,
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: and regarding the I curse you away from home part
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: of the curse.
• 7:46
  Speaker 5: Pick up mugged three days in a row in Paris,
• 7:50
  Speaker 5: Oh my, And each morning I went out and I
• 7:52
  Speaker 5: bought the slightly shittier phone than I had previously, until
• 7:56
  Speaker 5: eventually I had a phone, which is like an old
• 7:58
  Speaker 5: person's phone with giant buttons on it, and I got
• 8:01
  Speaker 5: mugged for that one as well. So I got mugged
• 8:03
  Speaker 5: three days in a row in Paris.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: Like three separate occasions by three separate muggers.
• 8:09
  Speaker 5: Yeah, three separate muggers, three nights in a row.
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: What is that?
• 8:12
  Speaker 5: Doesn't that's insane? Like I think the other I was
• 8:15
  Speaker 5: trying to work it out. I think the odds of
• 8:16
  Speaker 5: getting mugged in a given year are zero point three percent,
• 8:21
  Speaker 5: So what of the odds are getting mugged three days
• 8:23
  Speaker 5: in a row. It's like getting struck by lightning. I'm
• 8:25
  Speaker 5: winning the lottery at the same time or something.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: And Dylan says it's not just him. He tells me
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: about his brother, a talented gardener who can grow anything
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: except cabbages.
• 8:43
  Speaker 5: The one thing that's mentioned in the Curse. The curse
• 8:46
  Speaker 5: says I cursed their cabbage patches, and he can't grow cabbages.
• 8:50
  Speaker 5: He can't grow brascas at all.
• 8:53
  Speaker 10: I've been pretty successful growing all different types of vegetables.
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: This is Dylan's younger brother, Rory Elliott.
• 8:59
  Speaker 10: But like the cab in particular, like always seemed to
• 9:03
  Speaker 10: be afflicted by some kind of like mold or fungus.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: Then there's Rory's feet.
• 9:09
  Speaker 10: My mum always said that my feet were like out
• 9:11
  Speaker 10: of a Buzzet's pretty much Talon's.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and his eyes.
• 9:14
  Speaker 8: I tore my cornea.
• 9:16
  Speaker 10: I had to wear an eyepatch. And mouth I've had
• 9:19
  Speaker 10: so many mouth sulcters. I'm just being worried that it's
• 9:22
  Speaker 10: like the cur is trying to stop me. Talk to
• 9:25
  Speaker 10: you guys.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: Rory is a scientist, so he knows that believing in
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: curses is crazy, but he also knows the value of
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: hard data and the evidence is semi undeniable, Like how
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: the archbishop curses them going and curses them riding.
• 9:42
  Speaker 10: I see them that he had riding horses, but I
• 9:44
  Speaker 10: guess it covers bicycles.
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: Okay, what has happened?
• 9:48
  Speaker 10: Like, for instance, one time I was cycling to get
• 9:52
  Speaker 10: some seaweed to put on my crops because they weren't.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: Doing very well, his crops being the cabbages. He was
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: getting seaweed for his cabbages.
• 10:02
  Speaker 11: And there was an iron bar in the ground and
• 10:05
  Speaker 11: then I ended up going like head over the handlebars
• 10:09
  Speaker 11: on like flying headfirst into a dog food factory.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: Sorry, did you say you you flew into a dog
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: food what a.
• 10:18
  Speaker 4: Dog food factory?
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Okay, broke my raist, I broke.
• 10:24
  Speaker 10: My arm, need a lot of sticks. That was fairly cursed.
• 10:35
  Speaker 4: Oh my god.
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: Logical level not superstious at all, but I am a
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: little bit superstious.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: This is Dylan's other brother, Tim Elliott. Tim is waiting
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: to receive funding for his pH d in history. In
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: the meantime, I'm.
• 10:52
  Speaker 5: A sort of.
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: Just a freelanced person.
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: What do you freelance at?
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: Oh, not really much.
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: If Dylan is rather ere like and Rory is something
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: of a negative nelly, then Tim is like Charlie Brown.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: If Charlie Brown were looking for PhD funding.
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: I'm given the curse, well, I mean, who would have
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: much hope for that?
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: Like his brothers, Tim lists off sorrows specific to the curse.
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: He went bald in his twenties, has teeth with holes
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: in them, in his feet.
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: When I was born, my feet pointed outwards, and then
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: I was putting these shoes, so you think, okay, here
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: comes a solution. But then they pointed inwards and we're overcorrected.
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: Then there's the muggings. While Dylan's been mugged a poultry
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: three times, Tim's been mugged five times.
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, one of them. I was mugged while I
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: was dressed as a robot.
• 12:01
  Speaker 5: I'm so sorry.
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: That just really surprised me. It feels wrong to laugh
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: at someone's misfortunes. But then when the follow up question
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: you're forced to ask a grown man is why were
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: you dressed as a robot, it seems acceptable somehow.
• 12:18
  Speaker 4: This was Halloween.
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: I was dressed as a robot called it's a tim
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: Tron five thousand. I mean, I put so much effort
• 12:26
  Speaker 3: into it. I had a set of light going on
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: in my chest, drinking. I had a police sir on
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: my head.
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: I'm imagining you, like in a box, wrapped in a
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: tinfoil or something.
• 12:40
  Speaker 4: You're exactly.
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: I was with a group of friends, all dressed differently.
• 12:49
  Speaker 3: I think there was a bumblebee there as a pirate.
• 12:54
  Speaker 3: There was.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry, Yeah, so the tim Tron five thousand, The
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: Bumblebee and the pirates were walking along when they were
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: suddenly approached by a group of kids. And when I
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: say kids, there were.
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: Young fellas who are fourteen.
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: Really, Yeah, the ringleader demanded Tim hand over the beers
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: he was carrying, but Tim refused, So he pulls out.
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: This pocket knife and he says, I'm gonna you know,
• 13:22
  Speaker 3: what do you think about this?
• 13:25
  Speaker 5: Now?
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: If you recall John said I'm wearing nothing for cardboard boxes.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: Oh, I recall.
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: So the bumblebee, the pirates disappear, and I'm not quite
• 13:37
  Speaker 3: as sleep of foot, and I get pushed onto my
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: back like a tortuous completely unable to get up.
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: The kids pulled the siren from Tim. Tron five thousand's
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: head roughed him up a bit. Did you report it?
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we got the police and they sort of just said, well,
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: I mean, what do you.
• 14:00
  Speaker 5: Expect with my family? It's like.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: It's shorthunt. Now here's Dylan again, like we just.
• 14:11
  Speaker 5: Rule arizing and goes, oh, fucking curse.
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: The misfortunes that you they you mention, I mean, do
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: you literally feel like they're connected to this five hundred
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: odd year curse.
• 14:25
  Speaker 5: I think it's like this Jonathan in my head is like,
• 14:30
  Speaker 5: if you've got five hundred years of people wishing you ill,
• 14:35
  Speaker 5: it cannot be good for your soul.
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: Dylan says that since the old archbishop of Glasgow levied
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: the curse. The present day archbishop is the only person
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: with the power to lift it. Others have made appeals
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: to him, but he's never responded.
• 14:50
  Speaker 5: What I love is the curse to be lifted. We
• 14:52
  Speaker 5: will do anything to lift this curse.
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: And so Dylan has come to me for help. They
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: did notice that there were something in the curse about
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: anybody who helps you, I think their curse too.
• 15:04
  Speaker 5: It's any Christian man. All Christian men who speak to
• 15:07
  Speaker 5: me are cursed by proxy. I think being Jewish, you're
• 15:11
  Speaker 5: actually excused.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: Oh, because I am not Christian. It gives me a
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: leg up, I think. So, yeah, is that the loophole here?
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: Is that why you came to me. It wasn't because
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: of my previous good works. It was just because I'm
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: a jew, which brings us back to his email about
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: how lifting the curse would be the biggest heavyweight yet,
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: because the curse isn't limited to just the Elliots, it
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: encompasses all the reaper families.
• 15:36
  Speaker 5: I mean, there's three hundred thousand elliots in the world.
• 15:40
  Speaker 5: How many Armstrongs and Scot's and Nixon's and Dixon's and Springles.
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: Not to sound like one of those CD personal injury lawyers.
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: But if your name is Scott or Douglas, Reed or Robson,
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: Nixon or Dixon, you may be entitled to karmik compensation.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to find the exceptions to the rules, you
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: know what I mean. Like you mentioned pringles, Like, well,
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: you know they had those canisters of chips, so they
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: probably did.
• 16:09
  Speaker 5: Okay, can tell me you've had the pocket fringles not
• 16:12
  Speaker 5: fell a little bit cursed afterwards?
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: Well put, Dylan and his brothers are tired of their
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: mouth ulcers and tooth holes, tired of wearing eye patches
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: and getting beaten up by children. They're ready to live
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: their best lives. If we got this lifted, what would
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: the ensuing days look like? If you had to speculate
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: for me.
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: It'd probably be getting funding.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: To do your PhD.
• 16:39
  Speaker 10: Yes, Well, when I'm be able to grow cabbages because
• 16:44
  Speaker 10: I actually love cabbage, I don't know. I would just
• 16:46
  Speaker 10: love to be able to grow.
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: Cabbages, Okay, cabbages and what else?
• 16:52
  Speaker 10: Yeah, mainly the cabbages, Like I really, I really love cabbages.
• 16:58
  Speaker 4: It's like a stir fry soup. But I don't know. Yeah,
• 17:02
  Speaker 4: most the cabbages.
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: We're gonna get you, Elliotts turned around.
• 17:11
  Speaker 5: We're gonna good to hear it.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: Erase the chalkboard, a fresh news start. The curse still
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: in red to me, and it's dizzying entirety comes from
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: the Elliot Clan Society website. It turns out there's a
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: whole organization of descendants of Border Reavers named Elliott. The
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: site contains a history of the Elliott family, a map
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: of Elliott Territory, and a list of famous Elliots like
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: Ts Eliott, the poet who dared not eat a peach,
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: and Sam Elliott, the push broom mustachioed actor who safe
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: to say, should probably also stay away from peaches. And
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: then there's the page with the transcript of the curse.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: Underneath it there are rems and realms of comments. Stephen
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: Kyle Elliott posts that he's the only member of his
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: family in four generations that hasn't been to prison or
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: had problems with drugs. I try to do right and
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: be a good person, but I always seem to have
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: the most bad luck possible, he says. Mary Elliott cites cancer,
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: airplane crashes and fires. Long before I ever heard of
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: this curse. I felt a curse had been put on
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: our family, she writes, Believe me, the curse is alive
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: and well. Hello, Hello, Is this Margaret Elliott? Yes, it
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: is Margaret Elliott is the chief of the Elliott Clan society.
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: This is Jonathan Goldstein calling from the American podcast.
• 18:52
  Speaker 9: I'm marri Heartrising.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: It is my held belief that setting off on a
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: quest to lift a five hundred year old clan hers
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: requires the blessing of a clan Chieftainess. Margaret Elliot sounds
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: like someone who owns at least a dozen and a
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: half Welsh Corgies, and like real nobility.
• 19:10
  Speaker 8: She says.
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: She inherited the role from her father, who was chief
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: before her. With the title, does there come a dwelling
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: like the way the President of the United States gets
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: to live in the White House? No, I'm fortunately not
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: to begin. Margaret proudly shares some fun facts about the
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: Elliott family.
• 19:29
  Speaker 9: The Canadian Prime Minister was an Elliot. His middle name
• 19:33
  Speaker 9: was Pierre Elliott Trudeau.
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: Pierre Elliott Trudeau traced his lineage back to the Elliot clan.
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: I didn't know that, Yes she did. Yeah, my middle
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: name is Stuart it is. When I get down to
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: explaining my mission, Margaret tells she's known about the curse
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: her whole life. It's a part of Elliott history. But
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: at the same time, I.
• 20:06
  Speaker 9: Don't pay this any attention at all. Yeah, I mean,
• 20:09
  Speaker 9: this is the first time I've ever actually talked about it.
• 20:12
  Speaker 9: I've never thought it was remotely important.
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: It's important to her constituents, though. I tell her about
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: Dylan and his brothers, the eye patches, the constant muggings,
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: the cabbage problems.
• 20:27
  Speaker 9: Which I don't think he can plain it. I think
• 20:31
  Speaker 9: maybe he's got the wrong sort of grand for cabbage.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, the cursed kind. Although Margaret doesn't put stock in curses,
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: she still blesses the mission and even offers to help.
• 20:48
  Speaker 9: Well, I mean, I.
• 20:49
  Speaker 12: Could probably get the archbishop on the phone.
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: Do you think you can get an archbishop on the telephone?
• 20:57
  Speaker 9: Why not?
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: Wow? I really appreciate your good old American moxie on
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: that one.
• 21:05
  Speaker 9: What does that mean?
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: What does good old American moxie mean, Margaret? It's throwing
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: a bottle rocket into a trash can just to see
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: it go boom. It's staring down your enemies while picking
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: your teeth with a corn dog stick. It's sowing a
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: Canadian flag onto your backpack when traveling through Europe. So
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: when you toss a bottle rocket into some Parisian poobell,
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: Canada looks like the idiot Moxie is getting a bishop
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: on the horn and greeting him with a big fat
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: American howdy. Do have you ever reached out to an
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: archbishop before?
• 21:41
  Speaker 5: No?
• 21:41
  Speaker 9: I know Bishop wil too, but no I don't have.
• 21:45
  Speaker 4: It'd be interesting.
• 21:47
  Speaker 9: I will follow it up. You've inspired me.
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: Wow, Okay, that isn't often what I do, So I
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: appreciate that.
• 21:55
  Speaker 9: Very good.
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: Margaret is on the case. But before getting off the phone,
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: she counsels me against talking to other elliots about the
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: curse if they're blissfully unaware. She says, why share something
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: that will only trouble them. To illustrate her point, Margaret
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: tells me about an art installation memorializing the curse. It's
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: called the Cursing Stone, and it's a fourteen ton granite
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: boulder with the curse inscribed upon it. It was commissioned
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: by the City of Carlisle in two thousand and one.
• 22:26
  Speaker 9: Tasa was fairly unwise. Why why they believe in this curse,
• 22:32
  Speaker 9: but there are people who do, like your friend Dylan,
• 22:36
  Speaker 9: and I think it is unwise to bring it out
• 22:39
  Speaker 9: again because it alarms people.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: But the follout caused by the stone suggests it more
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: than alarmed people. Following its installation, the city experienced the
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: series of disasters, the worst flood in two hundred years,
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: an outbreak of foot and mouth disease, numerous businesses and
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: factories shutting down, among them notably a bar called the
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: Reaver Pub, and the local soccer team, Carlisle United, lost
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: so many games they were relegated to a lower league.
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: So I speak with the artist who sculpted the cursing stone,
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: Gordon Young, of the Border Reaving Young Clan. But despite
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: the biblical plagues unleashed by his art, Gordon doesn't put
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: any stock in the curse at all. Do you think
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: there's anything suggestive about the timing, you know, like just
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: after the unveiling of your work and all of these
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: misfortunes occurring, do you see anything not at all? In
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: then you don't admit that the timing is sort of
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: an interesting No, Do you feel like you've been affected
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: by the curse? Like, do you feel that you're unluckier
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: than your friends.
• 23:50
  Speaker 13: I feel a lifelong sighting would be if I fell
• 23:54
  Speaker 13: down a toilet, come up smelling of roses on a field.
• 23:59
  Speaker 13: I have been very, very, very lucky all my life.
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: Gordon's answer surprises me, so I conduct an informal survey.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: Turning to the phone book, I dial random Elliots to
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: see how unlucky they are. Hello, is this Dale Elliott?
• 24:22
  Speaker 12: Yes?
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: Hello? Is this Tanya Elliott Hensby? Yes? I even phone
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: a real estate agent on a lawn sign Elliott, and
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: I reach out to Margaret's Elliott Society clan officers all
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: across the USA. You're a state commissioner for Alabama, Arkansas.
• 24:41
  Speaker 12: But yeah, I'm a chemist for Clan Elliott in Texas.
• 24:44
  Speaker 13: Yes, yes, I'm the Northern California commissioner for it.
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: I ask if any of them have experienced the things
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: the Elliot brothers have, the inability to ever grow cabbage,
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: any dental problems. You own cattle or sheep growing cabbage?
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: Are you bald? But it seems they haven't.
• 25:03
  Speaker 13: Nope, Nope, no, no, I'm a gorgeous ready.
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: So I find myself wondering whether ill fortune might be
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: less a border Reaver problem, and more a Dylan, Tim
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: and Rory problem. What was going on with the Elliott brothers,
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: why all the bad luck? And was the curse really
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: to blame for it? Since Dylan, Tim and Rory's dad, David,
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: was the one who first told them about the curse,
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: I wonder if he would have any insight. So I
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: reach out to David, but at the last minute he balks.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: Dylan says it's because his dad is nervous that even
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: talking about the curse could exacerbate it. But in David's stead,
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: Dylan's aunt Joe, agrees to talk to me.
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: Hello, Johnson, how are you?
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: I'm okay? How are you today?
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: Not too bot I'm very loud of Friday.
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: In the background, I can hear Joe pouring something into
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: a glass. What is it that you're drinking? Oh, pino, Gricia,
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: It's absolutely okay.
• 26:04
  Speaker 10: Yeah.
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: I sometimes think that I could tell what someone's drinking,
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: but it's a little piccadillo of mine. I asked Joe
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: about her family whether they are a bunch of magical thinkers,
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: like say, someone who thinks he can tell what beverage
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: someone is drinking over the phone. Maybe they've over indexed
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: on this whole curse thing. Was your upbringing superstitious? Did
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: your parents have rituals and stuff like that?
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: Well, I was brought up on my grandparents.
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: And then Joe tells me the reason she was raised
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: by her grandparents.
• 26:33
  Speaker 3: Our parents died when we were all very young.
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: Your parents died around the same time.
• 26:40
  Speaker 8: Yeah.
• 26:40
  Speaker 6: Yeah, they died in a car accident.
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: Oh my, I'm so sorry. Yeah, and they were together.
• 26:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 26:47
  Speaker 8: Yeah.
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: Did that Has that ever struck you as a It
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: was a bit of bad luck.
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: It was really bad luck, right, I mean, the worst
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: luck ever almost.
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: Joe was only four years old at the time of
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: the accident, so she doesn't remember the day, but she
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: does remember learning about the death of her parents for
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: the first time.
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: I was able to read. So I must have been
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: about six, and I've found a newspaper cutting in my
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: grandmother's chest of drawers, and I could see that my
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: name was in there, and my sister's name was in there,
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: and I could see it as talking about two people,
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: and I wasn't sure who theirs names were.
• 27:31
  Speaker 4: But it sounded really sad to me.
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: And it's had this really big long word at the
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: top of it. So I went to mask my grandmother
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: what it was, and she said, well that that word
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: is an obituary, and these people are your mum and
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: dad and their dad. I do have a few memories.
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: So my dad used to go out to work. I
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: used to have to help them put the socks on. Today,
• 28:02
  Speaker 2: my dad went in to tell the teacher off in
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: school because she was really horrible to me. And I
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: remember being woking up in the middle of the night
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: to come downstairs and see the new toys that my
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: dad had brought home from work. It was a little
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: red teeth set. I remember the first time I tested
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: Chinese food because my mom was ill in bed and
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: my dad brought me in to tasted Chinese food and
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: there was pineapple on it, and I'd never had pineapple before.
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: Joe says that after her parents' death, she and her
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: six siblings were all split up, sent to different relatives.
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: It took them many years, not until they were adults,
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: to all reconnact. Do you think this this family trauma
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: has kind of cast a Paul over David's kids.
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: There is no day in our family that our parents'
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: death was, oh my goodness, catastrophic. In a lot of ways.
• 29:09
  Speaker 3: It was terrible.
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: It's a big soddness, and I think they picked that
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: up when you're a kid.
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: It's a scary thing to learn that tragedy can strike
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: at any moment for no reason, that there's no insulation
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: between you and the darkness. Joe doesn't think the curse
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: caused the accident, but the accident might have given the
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: idea of a curse a certain allure. It offered an
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: explanation for something unexplainable. Growing up, Dylan and his brothers
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: heard about their grandparents' death. Were raised with the feeling
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: of a vague dark cloud that hung over the family.
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: But now they've given that dark cloud a name, the
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: Curse of the Eliots. And what you can name, you
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: can vanquish. What do you think that lifting the curse
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: might change for David or for your nephews.
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: It might.
• 30:06
  Speaker 6: Gives a breathing space.
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: And I don't know why I've said that word or
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: that phrase, but that's just what it feels like.
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: A breathing space.
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: Regardless of how Margaret Elliott or any of the three
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: hundred thousand Elliots feel about the curse, these three Elliots, Dylan,
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: Rory and Tim Elliott, they believe in it, and I'm
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: going to help these elliots by lifting this curse once
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: and for all. My greatest hope for lifting the curse
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: lies with Elliott clan chief Margaret, who promised me a bishop.
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: But at this point I haven't heard from Margaret in weeks,
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: so I send an email asking for a progress report.
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: When she replies, I'm surprised by her terseness. No bishop,
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: She writes, I really think there is no point in
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: pursuing this, and your friend who complained about his baldness
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: and not growing cabbage will have to put up with
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: it and not blame an entirely irrelevant sixteenth century curse.
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: I'm not sure how to account for the shift in
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: Margaret's tone until I read this. I would be grateful
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: if you would not contact any more clan officers and
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: alarm them unduly. It seems some of the elliots I
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: spoke to, ever loyal to their chieftain, ratted me out,
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: telling Margaret how I'd been pestering them about their bad luck.
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: As chief, Margaret wants to protect her flock and not
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: from the curse of the archbishop. But from me, it
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: looks like I'm on my own on the Archdiocese of
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: Glasgow's website, I find the name of the Archbishop's director
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: of Communications, mister Confrey. Hi, thank you so much for
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: talking to me.
• 32:12
  Speaker 12: No problem at all. I'm glad to be able to chat.
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: I explained to Ronnie Convrey about Dylan and his brothers,
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: the robot muggings, the dog food factory.
• 32:22
  Speaker 12: He's worried the curse from whatever five hundred years ago
• 32:25
  Speaker 12: is affecting his daily life.
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: Yes, hardy, harharr if you will, Ronnie Convrey, But I
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: thought stuff that happened hundreds of years ago and still
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: affects daily life is the Church's bread and butter. Of course,
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: I'm too cowardly to actually say that, but I do
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: say this, I'll be it mincingly. Why can't the archbishop
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: just lift this one little old curse, just this one
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: little old time.
• 32:52
  Speaker 12: It's not going to happen. It's not like, you know,
• 32:55
  Speaker 12: the archbishop puts on a stool and goes into the
• 32:58
  Speaker 12: cathedral and mutters a few payers in lot and then
• 33:00
  Speaker 12: sprinkle some holy water around and everything stakes. I mean,
• 33:04
  Speaker 12: there is no such ceremony for lifting curses.
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: And even if there were a ceremony, Ronnie says there's
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: no one to perform at the last archbishop died just recently,
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: and appointing a new one can take months, even years.
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: Is this something that the Pope could lift?
• 33:22
  Speaker 12: I had no idea, to be honest, I were you,
• 33:24
  Speaker 12: I wouldn't waste trying to figure out how.
• 33:26
  Speaker 4: You could speak to the Pope. You know you'd be
• 33:29
  Speaker 4: here to.
• 33:30
  Speaker 12: Goomsday and that you wouldn't get a nail the Pope
• 33:32
  Speaker 12: on something like this.
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, he's a he's a busy man. I'm sure. I mean,
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: it's not like you could just call the Vatican switchboard
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: and has to speak to the Pope.
• 33:40
  Speaker 4: Absolutely not.
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: Turns out you can call the Vatican switchboard, but the
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: problem not in Italiana. Is there anybody that spinks?
• 33:58
  Speaker 9: Uh?
• 34:01
  Speaker 6: My sisters taking English? It's okay?
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: At yes, okay. I never imagined the Vatican to be
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: the kind of mom and pop operation where you'd have
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: to wait for somebody's sister to get back from her
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: lunch break at the Vatican. Quiz No's when I phoned
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: back Trey hours later, though the person who picks up
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: doesn't know what I'm talking about. She was like, Yeah,
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: my sister's going to be here, later.
• 34:32
  Speaker 5: That sounds like Italy to me.
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, is that what it is? This is my gimlet
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: coworker Valentina. She was born in Florence and speaks Italian,
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: and agrees to help me. Phone back a few weeks later.
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: Have you ever called the Vatican before?
• 34:46
  Speaker 4: No.
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: It turns out that while there isn't an office at
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: the Vatican for curse removal, there is a department for
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: papal blessings. Maybe a strong enough blessing can wipe out
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: a curse. Love KOing hate kind of thing. So Valentine
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: and I phone up the Office of Blessings.
• 35:08
  Speaker 10: Yes, hello, okay a lot of.
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: Valentina explains the details of my problem, the cabbages and cankers,
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: but the operator says, we need a different department.
• 35:28
  Speaker 6: It's an exorcism office.
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: Oh so getting a curse lifted is that falls under
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: the department of exorcism.
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's there's that's the old department that can you know,
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: deal with that because we are exactly the oppos.
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: You know, of course, bless you blessings are the opposite
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: of courses.
• 35:58
  Speaker 13: In general.
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: So I call the switchboard back and ask for the
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: Department of Exorcism. Why the operator asks, and so yet
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: again I explained the ulcerated mouths, and Talento's.
• 36:11
  Speaker 8: It's really absurd.
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: Absurd.
• 36:14
  Speaker 8: In twenty twenty one, we are still thinking about a
• 36:18
  Speaker 8: curse dating back to fifteen twenty six. Oh it's five.
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: Centuries, yes, and so it's about time.
• 36:33
  Speaker 8: If both Francis hears about that, I don't know how
• 36:38
  Speaker 8: he would react.
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: How would he react?
• 36:41
  Speaker 8: I don't think he will react in a good way.
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: Are there special circumstances in which you know someone could
• 36:48
  Speaker 1: speak to the Pope?
• 36:51
  Speaker 8: It's not as easy, but it's happened, It may happen.
• 36:56
  Speaker 8: It's not so easy.
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: What are the circumstances in which you pass? Does he
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: have a cell phone? Does the Pope have a cell phone?
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: To people that he travels with have a cell phone?
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: Is it just a landline?
• 37:09
  Speaker 8: What do you want to I don't know what you
• 37:13
  Speaker 8: really want to do.
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: When I tell the operator about the original reason for
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: my call that I want to be put through to
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: the Department of Exorcisms, I learned there is no such department,
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: or there is, but it's a department of one. There's
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: only one exorcist for the entire Vatican.
• 37:33
  Speaker 4: And he has a portable number.
• 37:37
  Speaker 8: You want the number of the.
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: Portable cellular device of the Pope's personal exorcist. Uh, yeah, yes, please,
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: oh oh one, okay, thank you very much for your health. Yes,
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: God bless thank you. Wow, it's really great. This is
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: really great. So should we try the try the welcome
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: to Verizon Wireless.
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: Your call cannot be completed as the called party is
• 38:16
  Speaker 2: temporarily unavailable.
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: Is that a good sign? It's not a good sign.
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: Once a week for the next eight weeks, Valentina and
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: I try calling him back. The call never goes through.
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: When I phone the Vatican switchboard again, the operator directs
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: me to the Secretary General of the Diocese of Rome,
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: who says I'll need to speak with a Padre Milily. No,
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: Mi Lily. But Padre Mediately's secretary says he's not the
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: right person either, apparently, since the curse effect not just
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: the elliots of Rome or Dublin, but all elliots everywhere.
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: My problem is an international problem.
• 39:08
  Speaker 5: She says, we need to call the Association of International Exorcists.
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: Oh, come on, it's called a ya aie Association internationalities.
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: She just made that up. But it turns out that
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: the International Association of Exorcists, has over eight hundred members,
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: publishes guides for exorcists around the world, and is accredited
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: by the Vatican. The AIE and I email back and forth,
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: but eventually the Exorcists start giving me the brush off too.
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: It's been nearly a year of unreturned emails, wrong numbers,
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: and all around royal runarounds. I've been waking up at
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: four am to call the Vatican so often that at
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: this I'm basically on Italian time, which is kind of
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: like being on a vacation in Italy with none of
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: the Italy but all of the sleep deprivation. It's while
• 40:10
  Speaker 1: complaining to my wife one day about how sleepy I
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: am all the time, how badly my neck and back hurt,
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: that I'm forced to ask myself did I have the
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: Elliott Curse. If I did, it wouldn't be so bad
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: if I had anything to show for it. As it is, though,
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: I feel like I'm in a Dan Brown novel, but
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: the boring parts like the table of contents or the
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: author's note that nobody reads. And to add insult to injury,
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: I've been at this so long that a new Archbishop
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: of Glasgow has finally been installed. So I phone Ronnie
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: Convrey and leave half a dozen messages over a number
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: of weeks. When someone finally does pick up, rather than
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: being granted an audience, I'm granted this.
• 40:52
  Speaker 9: Good afternoon, Ar's Diocese of Glasgow.
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: Hi, there is Ronnie Convy there.
• 40:59
  Speaker 5: I believe he is.
• 41:00
  Speaker 9: Can I ask who's calling?
• 41:01
  Speaker 12: Sure?
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: It's Jonathan Goldstein?
• 41:06
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 41:07
  Speaker 12: Can yield for a moment?
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: Certainly?
• 41:11
  Speaker 4: Hello?
• 41:12
  Speaker 10: Yes, you must have stepped away from his desk.
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: Do you think it would be okay to maybe try
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: him a little later?
• 41:27
  Speaker 10: His schedule is quite unpredictable, that's the only thing. He's
• 41:32
  Speaker 10: in and out quite a bit.
• 41:33
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: The only thing left to do is admit defeat. Except
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: for the fact that, unbeknownst to Ronnie Convrey, the Archbishop,
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: the Vatican and even me, in the Battle of Goldstein
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: versus the Curse, the curse was on the ropes. This
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: might have been the heaviest weight yet. But that's the
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: thing about heavy's weight. When you hoist them, there's no
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: finer feeling. But the only thing I've succeeded in hoisting
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: is myself by my own batards. And so, without another choice,
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: I phoned Dylan to tell him I failed.
• 42:22
  Speaker 4: Hello Dylan, Yeah, Hello, how are you?
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: More importantly, how are you? It's been fourteen months since
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: Dylan first reached out to me, Another cursed year has
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: come and gone. The thought of how violently, excruciatingly Baldy
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: must be at this point is frankly too much to bear.
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: But what Dylan says next, you'll have to hear to believe.
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: How are things really good?
• 42:48
  Speaker 4: I've got a pretty great second half of a year,
• 42:51
  Speaker 4: to be honest, really yeah, it's everything seems to be
• 42:55
  Speaker 4: going a bit better.
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: You know, well, you sound different. I mean, your energy
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: feels different.
• 42:59
  Speaker 4: Y seem totally different. I feel kind of much much better.
• 43:03
  Speaker 4: I was kind of one a minute. Was there anything
• 43:05
  Speaker 4: in the background, of course?
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: Wise?
• 43:06
  Speaker 4: Because that's a really really good second half of the year.
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: I never dreamt of hearing the words really good, let
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: alone really really good come from the mouth of Dylan Elliott.
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: What was going on? And on top of that, it's
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: not just Dylan who's been feeling better.
• 43:22
  Speaker 4: It's on some quite good shape at the moment. Like
• 43:25
  Speaker 4: I mean, my brother Tim, he's accepted onto a PhD
• 43:29
  Speaker 4: course and he's got funding for it. It's going fantastic.
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: This is Tim using the word fantastic.
• 43:37
  Speaker 14: I'm suddenly working for myself, meeting offs of new interesting people,
• 43:46
  Speaker 14: having a really lovely time.
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: Is there a moment where you feel like things started
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: to turn?
• 43:52
  Speaker 4: I think probably beginning a still year in September, so.
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: Like in the fall. Yeah, this is a different you know,
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: a different Tim from when I spoke to you last Yes. Yes,
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: no muggings in the past year, zero zero muggings. That's
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: a net positive. How are things for Rory?
• 44:20
  Speaker 3: Oh, Rory's having a great time.
• 44:22
  Speaker 4: He just sent me a picture He's made.
• 44:24
  Speaker 3: Friends with a donkey. I think it is.
• 44:26
  Speaker 4: It's very small.
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: So what what?
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: What?
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: What? What does that mean?
• 44:33
  Speaker 4: When you just it's certainly a picture of.
• 44:36
  Speaker 10: Him and his friend, who is a donkey.
• 44:40
  Speaker 4: I guess.
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: Okay, where where is Rory?
• 44:44
  Speaker 10: I've moved to the West of Ireland. I'm really happy.
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: This is Rory living here with my partner, the donkey,
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: injury free. What about the mouth ulcers? Have they cleared up?
• 44:56
  Speaker 10: I don't have any any of them.
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: Incredible For months, and perhaps most importantly and to my mind,
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: most insanely.
• 45:06
  Speaker 10: My ability to grow cabbages as really improved. Like this season,
• 45:11
  Speaker 10: my cabbages have been amazing.
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: And as a victory, lap Rory made wine from cabbages.
• 45:18
  Speaker 10: Mean it tastes like really strongly alcoholic fermented cabbage juice.
• 45:23
  Speaker 4: That's fair City.
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: When I just looked up cabbage wine, it seems as
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: though like one makes it with sixty percent cabbages and
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: forty percent grapes.
• 45:33
  Speaker 10: I'm filled cabbage.
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: You're going one hundred percent cabbage.
• 45:37
  Speaker 10: I'm fill cabbage.
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: Dylan sounds like a new man. Tim's doing his PhD.
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: Rory's dating a donkey. Even the Reaver Pub in Carlisle
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: that closed down just this year it reopened. What has changed?
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: Was it merely my trying to get the curse lifted
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: that perhaps weakened. It is lifting a curse like attempting
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: to open a pickle jar when it's just so impossible
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: that you give up and accept that you're never going
• 46:05
  Speaker 1: to eat pickles ever again. But then someone comes along
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: and pops it open. No problem because of all your
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: hard work. Had I loosen the pickle jar? I returned
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: to the Elliott Clan Society web page to reread the
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: curse for clues. Maybe while high stepping around like a jackass,
• 46:23
  Speaker 1: I'd inadvertently, Crane kicked some satanic goblin in the privates,
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: knocking him into a key structural beam of the Curse's
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: complex architecture. But when I get to the Curse's website,
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: I'm shocked by what I find, because what I find
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: is nothing. In big block letters across the screen, it
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: reads error four O four page not found. The curse
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: has been removed.
• 47:01
  Speaker 9: Hello.
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: Hello, is this miss Elliott.
• 47:05
  Speaker 6: This is Marlbur's idiot speaking here.
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: And so I phone Margaret Elliott, chief of the Elliott
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: Clan Society slash web page. Oh hello, this is Jonathan
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: Goldstein calling. I don't know if you remember me, the
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: American podcaster.
• 47:21
  Speaker 8: Yes, yes, I remember.
• 47:23
  Speaker 6: Hi.
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry to bother you. Might you just have a
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: couple of minutes to speak? I just had a I mean.
• 47:29
  Speaker 6: Yes, I've got I'm not terribly keen on talking about
• 47:33
  Speaker 6: this curse anymore.
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: I long for the olden days when Margaret was terribly
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: keen on talking about this curse.
• 47:43
  Speaker 9: Perfect well, I mean I could to get somebody on
• 47:46
  Speaker 9: the phone.
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: My middle name is Stewart.
• 47:50
  Speaker 9: You've inspired me.
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: Now all I have is a dumb old montage. I've
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: made enough calls to people desperate get off the phone
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: with me to know that I only have a few
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: minutes before Margaret hangs up. So I launched right into
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: my question why was the curse taken down from the
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: Elliot Clan website?
• 48:11
  Speaker 6: I asked for it to be taken down.
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: Uh, just had a pure curiosity. Was it taken down
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: because of me?
• 48:20
  Speaker 9: Yes?
• 48:20
  Speaker 6: I think you probably triggered something and maybe think all
• 48:24
  Speaker 6: the more deeply a budget and that I wanted to anyway,
• 48:27
  Speaker 6: So yes, it was you, awfulled.
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: It wasn't my ability to procure a papal blessing, archbishop's
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: recantation or priestly exorcism that in the end got rid
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: of the curse. It was simply my ability to be annoying.
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: I annoyed that curse right out of existence on the internet.
• 48:49
  Speaker 6: It was all due to you.
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: You mean, knew take responsibility, I mean not to not
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: to you know, take all the credit.
• 48:56
  Speaker 9: But yeah, yeah, did take all the credit.
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: Why since the Elliot brother's luck began improving in the fall,
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: I run my donning theory about why by Margaret, I wonder, well,
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: this might seem silly to you, but might it correspond
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: to the fact that the curse was taken off the website.
• 49:18
  Speaker 4: I wouldn't think so.
• 49:21
  Speaker 1: No, but the intersection of the Elliot brothers change in
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: luck and the change in the web page is just
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: too tantalizing for me to let go of. So I
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: can't help but continue to toe dance on Margaret's last
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: remaining nerve. Do you remember the day that it was removed? No?
• 49:40
  Speaker 6: I did, Like I remember, do not put the two together.
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: Dylan Elliott's luck started to change around the end of
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: last year. I think the fall going into winter was
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: that I'm.
• 49:58
  Speaker 6: Not going to be sucked to this. I just absolutely
• 50:01
  Speaker 6: think it's entirely relevant.
• 50:04
  Speaker 1: But was that that wasn't around the generally the.
• 50:08
  Speaker 6: Okay, when I hope this is all done and dusted now, yes,
• 50:11
  Speaker 6: I think so good? Great, all right, have a nice day.
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: Okay, Yes, and tutelou, as they they.
• 50:21
  Speaker 9: Say, exactly, we say that all the time.
• 50:26
  Speaker 1: After speaking with Margaret, I searched the Internet archives and
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: discover in fact that indeed the page of the curse
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: was removed around the time of the Elliot's change in fortune. Okay,
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: now I'm going to ask you to try to find
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: that page about the Elliott curse. Together, Dylan and I
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: turned to the page of the curse on the Elliott
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: Clan website.
• 51:00
  Speaker 4: Gone, let me see.
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: What do you see?
• 51:03
  Speaker 4: I can't find that page.
• 51:06
  Speaker 1: That's right, you can't find it. It's been removed.
• 51:10
  Speaker 4: Why how comes lifted?
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: Lifted? Not from reality technically, but from the.
• 51:17
  Speaker 4: Internet twenty first century.
• 51:21
  Speaker 1: Can we just at this point safely say that the
• 51:23
  Speaker 1: curse has been lifted?
• 51:26
  Speaker 4: I mean, yeah, actually definitely can. I think?
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: And when I ask Rory if he buys the whole
• 51:31
  Speaker 1: internet exorsus my idea scientist that he is, he carefully
• 51:36
  Speaker 1: analyzes the empirical evidence.
• 51:38
  Speaker 10: I mean, you know, it's definitely possible.
• 51:42
  Speaker 3: You know, in fact, it's probable.
• 51:45
  Speaker 4: In fact, I think it's definitely the case.
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: Next time I'm in Carlisle, I'd like to buy you
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: a pint at the Reaver.
• 51:56
  Speaker 10: Pub, you know, yeah, I'd like to offer you a
• 52:00
  Speaker 10: glasses champaign.
• 52:06
  Speaker 4: Plans with the girlfriend to go off to brying a
• 52:08
  Speaker 4: camper van.
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: Very shortly, here's Dylan again, a camper van.
• 52:13
  Speaker 4: Yeah, we're going to take it in the road and
• 52:14
  Speaker 4: kindick with traveling. It's just feeling the immense feeling of freedom.
• 52:18
  Speaker 4: It's been kind of incredible.
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: Are the Elliott Boys better off for anything I did?
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: Who knows? And frankly, at this point, they probably don't
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: even care. When things are going well, we don't think
• 52:32
  Speaker 1: too hard about the why of it. It's only when
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: things are bad that we do. That's when we seek
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: out therapists to analyze and exorcist to exercise. When things
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: are going well, we just enjoy them for as long
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: as they last, which usually isn't very long at all.
• 52:48
  Speaker 1: But for now, there's breathing space. When is your girlfriend
• 52:52
  Speaker 1: do over?
• 52:53
  Speaker 13: Oh?
• 52:54
  Speaker 4: Imminently?
• 52:56
  Speaker 5: Oh?
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: Okay, enjoy the rest of your day with your girlfriend.
• 52:59
  Speaker 4: Thanks a million, that's quickly, Okay.
• 53:01
  Speaker 15: Take it easy, Dylan, bye bye.
• 53:34
  Speaker 7: Now that the furnitures returning to its good will home,
• 53:43
  Speaker 7: now that the last month's rent is skiming with the damaged, possible.
• 53:50
  Speaker 6: Take this moment to dissolve.
• 53:54
  Speaker 7: If we met him, if we tried, we felt around
• 54:00
  Speaker 7: for five.
• 54:03
  Speaker 1: From the names at Accid and Leaves. This episode of
• 54:11
  Speaker 1: Heavyweight was produced by supervising producer Stevie Lane and me
• 54:15
  Speaker 1: Jonathan Goldstein, along with Mohemy mcgauker. Our senior producer is
• 54:19
  Speaker 1: Khalila Holt. Special thanks to Emily Condon, Alex Bloomberg, Valentina Powers,
• 54:24
  Speaker 1: Max Green, Domiano Marquetti, and Jackie Cohen. Bobby Lord mixed
• 54:28
  Speaker 1: the episode with original music by Christine Fellows, John K. Sampson,
• 54:32
  Speaker 1: Michael Hurst, Sean Jacoby, Blue Dot Sessions, and he himself,
• 54:37
  Speaker 1: Bobby Lord. Additional music credits can be found on our website,
• 54:40
  Speaker 1: Gimletmedia dot com slash Heavyweight. Our theme song is by
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: the Weaker Than's courtesy of Epitaph Records. Follow us on
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: Twitter at Heavyweight. This was the last episode of the season,
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: but we're already looking for stories for next year. So
• 54:54
  Speaker 1: if there's a moment from your past that you need
• 54:56
  Speaker 1: help resolving, please send us an email at Heavyweight at
• 54:59
  Speaker 1: gimlet media dot com. Have a happy and safe holiday season?
• 55:04
  Speaker 12: Uh?
• 55:05
  Speaker 1: Should I ask Aggie if he wants to come up
• 55:06
  Speaker 1: here and wish everyone a happy holiday season?
• 55:09
  Speaker 2: Ai?
• 55:09
  Speaker 1: Do you want to be in the credits? Have a
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: happy and safe holiday season, Ogi
• 55:16
  Speaker 4: And will see you next y