Latest / TMI / Is monogamy dead? “Finding love in the 21st century “ Part 1

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Is monogamy dead? “Finding love in the 21st century “ Part 1 · TMI

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: What's her family. I'm your girl to make a d
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: mallory and it's your boy might sound in general, and
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: we're your hosts of street politicians, the place, the streets
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: and politics. Me, what's going on, mice? You know, man,
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: We're just coming back from Thanksgiving. You know. Thanksgiving was beautiful.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Thanksgiving was beautiful. My mama cooked beautiful for my sister,
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: actually cooked, you know, and you throw down. So that
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: was a good thing. Yeah, that's why Thanksgiving was great
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: for me because my parents are alive and well, um
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: you know, and that meant a lot to be there
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: with them. My aunt not only did she she cooked
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: half of the meal. Um, I can't say I cooked
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: the other half, which I can, but I didn't because
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: I purchased it from the great cooks at Sylvia's Restaurant
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: in harm Shout out to Sylvia's. This time, I didn't
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: have to um cook anything. Actually, I was in the
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: process of making dressing as we call it. Some folks
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: call it stuffing, but we call it dressing. And I
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: was in the process of making that, and my cousin,
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: who came from out of town, she started doing that,
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: so I didn't have to burn one pot this year.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: So that's the other reason why Thanksgiving was good. But
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: my aunt not only did she cook all half of
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: the meal and all the desserts, she also cleaned the
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: entire kitchen afterwards, put all the food away. And for
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: people who are in the kitchen for Thanksgiving, you probably
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: would never understand because you probably have never been in
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: the kitchen for Thanksgiving. You don't know how how how
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: serious the cleanup is. That's how I watched. I watched
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: my mother's sister and everybody else and people clean up.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: I've seen it, you know, I understand. I just don't
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: try not to participate. Yeah, you try not to, we know.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: But anyway, so it was good. A lot of family,
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: a lot of love. My child was here with his
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: his dog, which is my grand dog, Louis, and um.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: I got a chance to spend a little bit of
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: time with them. So hey, for me, Thanksgiving was great.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: I think I spent the day on Friday sleeping. I
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: don't you know. Again, I didn't have anything to really do,
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: so I was just kind of free. So I slept
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: on Friday, and then Saturday I went outside to the
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: stores to see what the deals were all about. And
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: I want everybody out there in um street, politicians land
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: to know there's no sale. It's just not true. It's
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: a forest. Don't believe it. This is not there's no sale.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: I left. I left the store because things were so
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: expensive that I was like, yeah, I can't do it.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: The thing is that the stuff that you like to
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: me because they don't never go on set. You always
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: about me. That's the Really, you don't shop at the
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: places where they get the sales. You're not shopping in
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: the place where they got the sales you want. You
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: like high end things, and there's never a sale for
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: high end that. They sent me an email and a
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: text message that didn't say fifty percent. They said things
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: were seventy percent. The thing you would never buy, that's li'sten.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: You don't know that. How do you know that when
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: you with it, when you walked into that store, was
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: the stuff that you wanted on sale? Now, No, it's
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: not even no, no, no, it was on sale. No,
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: it was on sale. Excuse me, it was on sale.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: The problem is that inflation is real, so things are
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: on sale. It was definitely marked down and all of that.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: But if you're starting with a sweater, like all of
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: a sudden. I don't know what happened, but sweaters our
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: thousand dollars, sweaters five hundred dollars, seven hundred dollars. Like
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: sometimes I found myself up online. I'm like, okay, let
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: me go see what. You know, what's out there. You know,
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: obviously the algorithm on our social media, it picks up
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: what we're interested in. So you know, it's constantly every day,
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: the baddest ship ever is popping up on my phone.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: So I'm sitting there going through and I noticed that
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: every time I click something that I like, it's just
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: way more expensive than it was before. Like a sweater
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: can be you know, a sweater that I would say,
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: maybe in the past it was three hundred dollars, which
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: would have been good. Then it's on sale or whatever,
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: you get it for two hundred dollars, and it'd be
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: a real nice sweater. Now that's there's these same things
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: as seven, eight, nine hundred dollars. Like it's inflation for real, Yeah,
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: it's it's a lots. And I'm a sneaker person, so
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: sneakers have just gotten out of control. Like every pit
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: sneakers it's four and five hundred, you know, and it's
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: and it's retro sneakers, and it's all of them just
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: all over out of control. So is retro means that
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: it's a sneaker that used to be and it came
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: back exactly. Okay, well that's so they got limited amounts.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: So when they bring them back, they're charging you triple
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: what they used to be. So yeah, I mean that's
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: really my thought process, my thought of the day today,
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: because I I literally sat and thought about how expensive
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: things are, and I'm thinking to myself, how people gonna
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: make it? Like I just don't know it takes. I
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: have several streams of income, such as you, several streams
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: of income to survive. I have to speak consult, I
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: have my until Freedom salary. I have other important uh
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: projects and things that I'm involved in. Some of them
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: have not even bared any fruit yet. I've actually put
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: money in. But nonetheless I have different things, several different
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: pockets of money. And still it's you know, obviously, thank God, God,
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: thank you please. I'm not struggling. But I can't imagine
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: what is happening to a family that is just you know,
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: really making it with two basic incomes. It's something something
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: has to get because when we were last week, we
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: were talking about the smash and grab thing, right, or
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: grab and smash or smashing, smashing, grab, smashing grab. We're
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: talking about that last week, and I took some time
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: to reflect on my privilege because even though I do not,
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: I have not wavered in my opinion. My opinion remains
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: the same that you must be out of your mind
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: if you think it's a good idea to go into
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: people's store downtowns. They stay down there with the white
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: folks stealing their stuff, knowing that they're going to find
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: a way to catch one, and then one is gonna
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: tell on two, and then two will tell on four,
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: and then all of y'all be in trouble somehow or another.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: They're gonna end up putting some type of felony or
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: something else on you, because as has been said, if
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: it's over a certain amount of money, you get a
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: felony and something else, and maybe you know, resistant arrest,
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: and god forbid, you knock somebody over of a patron
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: and or a worker, and now that's an assault situation.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: So they just keep they're gonna keep on getting off,
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: and you might have just thought you was going out
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: to have a good time, right, But checking my privilege,
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: I'm thinking to myself, Wow, if what you're saying is correct,
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: that retro sneak is five and six hundred dollars, if
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: also the clothes as expensive as it is, and gas
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: prices um in general roll have caused the cast trees,
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: groceries are everything is up. It's it's the most expensive ever. What.
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: I don't know how people are gonna make it. I
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: really just do not know how they're going to make it.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: It's tough, it's really tough and financial times, you know,
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: think about it, Like you said, about the grace of God,
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: we're able to um be able to pay our bills
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: and live comfortably to the point where we're not starving
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: every day and we don't have to smash and grab.
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: But when you look at the times, and that's what
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: I tell people, like, I'm glad you checked your privilege
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: because a lot of people look at crime and they
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: look at people who commit crime as just evil individuals,
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: you know. And I remember a time when I was
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: in the streets committing crime. It was out of a
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: sense of desperation. And there's a lot of people who
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: just don't have it I was walking to the meta
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: my cars working. I was working early in the morning,
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: take my kids at school, and a god was just
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: checking the medas for change. But just understand like he
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: was just walking by, he was checking all the meters
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: to see if somebody left changing. And it just gave
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: me a reality like some people really just don't have it.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: There are a lot of people who are really in
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: dire your needs, you know, especially after this pandemic. You know,
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: a lot of people don't know how to manage money,
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: didn't have money, lost their jobs and now that these
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: streets is drying up and ain't no p PP. It
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: didn't know. Um, you you you're getting severance checks and
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: pay and in back paid. It ain't none of that.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: People is back to things and people are getting strong
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: on robbed. So when you look at this smashing grab,
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: they followed people home, they've jumping in your car. They're
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: trying to like it's serious. Now, did you see there
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: was there's a video online now where um and I
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: think it was in California, a guy to guys walked
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: over to some people. You see the guy with the
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: gun in his hand. The restaurant, yes, and and and
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: and the sap art about it is like I feel like,
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: for me personally, one a lot of when I'm out, obviously,
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: people are like, oh, how you doing or whatever. So
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: I'm already prone to folks coming close to me. And
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: I know that because they might want to take a picture,
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: they might want to tell me what they think about
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: an issue or what they saw on Fox News. Sometimes
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: I had white people walk up to me and say,
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: you know, I appreciate what you do, but but and
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: they give me all their reasons for why you know
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: we're wrong. I have, you know, the people who support me,
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: and you know, and and just people who are just like, oh,
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: you know what I've seen you before? Is your name whatever?
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: So they're already close to me. So I have started now.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: First I started off pulling my sleeve down over my jury, right.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: I started with that. Then I started not wearing certain
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: things at all, just because I'm out by myself sometimes,
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: and I don't I really don't know. I didn't have
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: that feeling before, even though I'm not saying crime has
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: not always existed, because it certainly has, and people will
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: get the drop on you or we know that. But
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: I used to have a feel and and and and
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: by the way, I don't feel like it's just black folks,
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: like I could deal with just black people. Right. I'm
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: used to going in the hood seeing black people and
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: they've and there's a sense of respect when you give respect,
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: even to the grimiest person. Oftentimes, when you give a
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: certain level of respect, they respond with a certain level
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: of respect. And it's kind of like, get out of
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: my area, like right, like, you know, don't be going
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: hanging out in these people's neighborhoods flashing stuff and and thinking, no,
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: it's not cool. So hey, how you doing. Get the
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: hell on? You went to the corner store to get
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: you a little groceries or whatever you're doing, you could
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: go harry up and move on. So we all we
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: have that those boundaries and that mutual respect. But I
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: have literally been out mice in the last weeks and
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: there have been strange people of all backgrounds doing crazy things.
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: White men running down the street half dressed, screaming. I
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: had a man jumped like in my face. I've seen
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: people of people have lost it and it's it's some
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: of it is financial, some of it is mental. But
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: there's some serious problems and I don't know who's responsible
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: for dealing with it. I guess it's supposed to be
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: the government. But I just think we are in real,
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: real bad times, real bad times. And I have not
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: been willing to say that, but over these past few days,
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: I realized that it's no way people can make it.
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: When milk is eight nine dollars, it's that's just outrageous,
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: especially if you're trying to drink oat milk or something
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: where you're not trying to just go by regular whole milk.
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: Because on one hand, we are learning that we need
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: to take better care of ourselves, but on the other hand,
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: in order to live and to eat properly and drink
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: on uh, what's the alkaline water? Being on an alkaline diet,
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: it does cost money. Some people will tell you it's
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: not that expensive and make perhaps, but I know, I
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: don't know about you, but when I go to Whole Foods,
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: it's it's serious and Whole Foods and so it's serious, man.
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: Like the times were just really bad. Man. I'm not
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: even gonna lie to you. I was really just sitting
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: here thinking about it. And you know, I frequent the hood.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: You know, I'm still in tune with the hood. So
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: I go through the hood every day and just listening
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: to stories like everybody's trying to get the job, trying
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: to figure this out. It coming to me like, yo,
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: you got anything, I need this, I need that, And
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: it's like really bad, like really really bad out there.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah it is. So you know, I guess for it's
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: that it means that it's incumbent upon us to figure
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: out how we help our people, right because as other communities,
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: there will be programs, services, and access to everything so
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: that they can get themselves together. As you know, think
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: that as they start to shake it out, if you will,
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: there'll be more mental health support where they can walk
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: up and get help. The drug addiction and all of
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: those things. Right, a lot of people got hooked on
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: things they never even used before because during the pandemic,
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: right they sat in the house or sat wherever and
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: started to try to compensate for the pain of not
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: being out, of losing a loved one, of the fear
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: of COVID and all of these things. And so you know,
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: it's incompetent upon us to figure out ways each one
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: of us, in our own way, do what we can. Right. So,
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: for me, if I'm out in the street and and
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: it's a safe situation, which is often times even when
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: it's in and A and a person who is houseless
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: or going through something ask me for money. Where I
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: used to give two dollars or the change in my pocket,
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: I now am giving twenty, right, I'm now I'm getting twenty. Yeah.
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to people calling to me on the side
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: and now you know, because I just want to be
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: able to play my part. But it's it's just really
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: bad and you can't do it. But you can't do
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: it to everyone's right, That's it. So you can't do
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: it to everyone, right, which means we need a larger solution,
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: especially to help deal with our young people. So I
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: think that for me is my calling is what are
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: we going to be doing and try to help these
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: young people because something's wrong? Andrew said, right, So we're
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: getting into this show today. Um, We've got an interesting
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: panel of folks that are coming on. It's the Women
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: against My Song. Um, listen, in the holiday season are rough.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: It's tough for a lot of people pushing through the holidays. Um,
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: you know, without their loved ones or people they want
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: to be with, or without finding that special person. And
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: I think as it comes to January every year, I
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: say to myself that last January I said this was
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: gonna be the I'm gonna go on dates. I'm gonna
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: do the thing and the thing, and I don't do
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: it because you know, I have many reasons, and I'm
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: sure that in this conversation it will still be that
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: I won't be doing it for two thousand and twenty two.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: So and that's a shame that I'm starting off within
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: the deficit. But I just already know I can feel
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: the energy of this panel discussion. The bottom line is
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: this to me, because just open your mind to the
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: reality of relationship and not the fantasy. And that's it.
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: And that's exactly why I'm gonna be single, because the reality,
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: see right, it's not something that I want to deal with. Look,
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: we got we gotta we got a good panel. Let's
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: bring them on to dating experts. You know, we got
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: a dating expert rather than we got somebody who's been dating.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: And then we have someone who's very intriguing to me.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: We have someone who is invested, engaged in a polyamorous relationship.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: You know, whatever, I've been polyamorous. I gotta get that right.
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: That's when there's more than one, you know, dating, and
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: this dynamic is I think it's a woman and she
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: has a man who has another woman. So and she's
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: gonna break that down to so I I think he's
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: the man and she's a woman who has two men. Anyway,
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: we're gonna find out. We're gonna find out. Okay, we
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: see I hope, because I don't know what we'll see
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: see imbalance anyway, So everyone, so this this is basically
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: my show because us we decided, UM, my son and
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: I that for twenty twenty two, I'm really gonna figure
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: out what's wrong with my life and why I cannot
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: get married and find a husband to do all the
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: things that I need to do, because it's just very difficult,
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: as I'm sure you all know. And so one of
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: the things that we've been exploring in our conversations while
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: we're all traveling. You know, there's four of us that
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: travel together all the time, and um, each person has
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: different situations. So but I'm the one that's always like
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: the little baby that they have to try to nurture
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: in terms of my little feelings and so, um, I've
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: been exploring all types of things, and people have been
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: telling me I should date online, which I probably will
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: never do. But I'm so glad that we got an
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: opportunity to come together today to talk about this because
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: there are many different ways to go about skinning one cat,
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: as they say. And my son seems to be very
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: excited about this show today because gets the chance to
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: try to say everything that I think about relationships is wrong.
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: So we have been enjoyed by three incredible guests UM
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: and I want to introduce them all to you. We
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: have we decided to do a panel because it takes
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: a lot of different perspectives to deal with UM this issue. First,
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: we have Terrorist Stidham, who is a dating coach and
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: the name of her company is She Dates Savvy. She
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: date savvy, I need to date savvy, so this is
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: absolutely important. She helps smart professional women to date online,
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: so that's gonna be exciting. And then we have Tory Owens,
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: who is the CEO of Canada lux Um, which obviously
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: is a company that is engaged in the cannabis areas.
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: We're gonna learn how do we date online and then
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: also get our bag. We'll talk about that. But she
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: is also in a polyamoroust. I've been told to say
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: it properly relationship, and there's a lot of questions that
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: we have about that because that might maybe that's the
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: way for me, you never know. And then there is
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: my sister, my gossip posse sister, someone who I've known
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: for a real long time, and street politicians. Um, we
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: bring our friends on every week because we have so
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: many friends doing so many incredible things. And so LaToya
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: Shambo is one of our friends. She's the CEO and
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: founder of black Girl Digital. But she is also and
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: for today's purposes, dating online. So let's get into this panel.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: My son, you can take it away because you don't
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: know what you're talking about anyway, So I'm gonna don't. Well,
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: I'm just I'm just really just interested. I mean, you know,
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: I've been hearing about this dating online. I know I
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: have a couple of friends females, and they've been dating
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: online and they come back to me with stories is
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: not really working, And I'm confused how they thought it
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: was gonna work. I couldn't even see those things happening.
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: So first, I want to know what is the process
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: that women go about dating on? How do you pick
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: a guy like, how I'm so hused. I'm so traditional
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: and conventional, an old school and you meet somebody or
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: there is a vibe that I wouldn't even understand. So
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: what is the process that do you go about dating? All? Yeah,
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: ter so my son. I, first of all, I still
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: want people to do the traditional things. If you can
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: get out there and meet people face to face, do it.
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: But I started my company because, first of all, I
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: was my first client. Okay, so we'll start there. I
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: have a twenty plus year career in tv UM. If
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: you know anything about production, it takes up a lot
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: of your time and a lot of your life. And
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: so for me, it was out of convenience. It was
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: not because I couldn't go into a room, make eye
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: contact with a guy and say like, hey, what's going on?
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: How are you? I wasn't afraid to do that. I
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: just didn't have time. And so for a lot of
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: people that's why they go on. Okay, now, the pandemic
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: and we'll talk about that later. That changed the whole
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: dating game, right because people weren't going out. But it's
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: as simple as going to a site, putting a picture up,
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: creating a profile, meaning you answer the questions that they asked,
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: and then engaging with people on the platform. The problem
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: is most people go on the wrong site. They go
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: on the wrong site. So it's like going to the
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: grocery store looking for a pair of red bottoms. They
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: don't sell those there. You're never going to get that.
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: So if I was to talk to your friends and
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: they told me what sites they are aren't, I'd be like, yeah,
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: that's why I didn't work out. That's the quick and
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: easy of online day. So listen, I'm gonna ask what
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: site you've been on the time. That's what I say,
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: the right site. Listen, it's get out out here, no
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: matter what the different I met my husband online. I
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: have been on Tender, I have been on Bumble, I
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: have been on Match. The only one I have not
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: been on is League. It was because I kind of
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: was just like, alright, I break, I need a break.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: It's people lie people people. People lie everywhere. The people
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: everywhere they if you met a guy at church, he
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: very well may lie, right, very well may lie. And
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: I think a lot of people whold online dating to
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: this higher standard. And I don't understand why if Tom,
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: we could fix you up with someone and he turned
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: out to not be the right one. You still go
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: rock with her. She's still your girl. You're not gonna
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: turn your back on her. But for whatever reason, people
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: look at online dating and it's like, oh no, it's trash,
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: it's gett oh, I know it can. The goal doesn't
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: the pool doesn't change. That's the issue that I'm having.
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: It's you. You see, you're kind of seeing the same,
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: the same and the same. Like one guy every I'll
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: delete the app and I'll come back and then he'll
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: call me, I see you back on the appelock like
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: you're block for me. I have a I have a
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: cause for me. Right, I'm just gonna be honest with you.
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: Being a man my whole life and being around certain
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: caliboris and right, and you know, being around certain calibers
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: and men, different calibornis of men. I just think that
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: men who go on line the data widows like this.
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: For me, it's just in my mind, say my mind,
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: stay that I believe that ninety percent. It might be
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: one percent that just you know, a board and they said,
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: let me just see what's going on here, But I
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: think that ninety percent of the men that go on
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: these they at a widows. I just can't see no
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: man saying I'm gonna just meet up with somebody. I'm
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: gonna try to find somebody on line let me see,
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: because I can't. I just can't see it. So that's
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: what it is. Like. I have this notion in my
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: mind that the dudes on his widows. I wouldn't say weird,
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: though I slightly agree with you. I wouldn't say weirdows.
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: But I do feel like the men that date online.
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: I like alpha men, and I feel like the men
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: that date online are typically just not aggressive enough, you know,
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: Like I prefer the traditional dating. The man comes up
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: to me, he courts me, you know, and all. I
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: love all of that interaction, and I like the aggressive,
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: you know, the aggression. So I think I've never I
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: don't think I've ever found an aggressive men or an
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: alpha mao that I've connected with online at all. Okay, well,
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: nazis tory. Since you started talking, I'm so glad you.
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: Conversation that means that you're polly. Relationship includes a man
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: or two men or women, Like, what's the makeup here?
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: The makeup for my dynamic is one man and two women.
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: But me and the other woman. We are not romantically
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: with each other. On second Oh okay, wait so he's
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: got two women? Yes, yes, anyway, we approaching he did?
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: Did he already have this just you know, start from
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: the beginning. Yeah. Yeah. My dynamics really crazy though, so
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: I'm just trying to make it sure that's possible. First
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: of all, he's my high school sweetheart. We've known each
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: other style was spourteen years old, so he knows me
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: in and out. And a lot of people think that, oh,
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: he must have convinced you for this type of No,
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: I was interested in this dynamic prior to me and
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: him get back together. We haven't been together in you know, years,
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: and I was interested in this dynamic honestly when I
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: wanted to start a family, and I my tape on
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: it is sometimes he's really selfish to really require everything
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: that you need from a partner from one person. You know,
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: we we we're in this world now where it's like
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: your partner has gotta be your best friend, you're a counselor,
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: your dad, your mom, your friend, your you know, your teammate.
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: It's so many things and so much pressure that we
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: put on own person, and it's like, well, what when
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: do they have time to be their own individuals? Though?
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: When do they have time to put themselves first and
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: really be honest and truthful about their wants? And that's
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: just really what had me interested in the whole lifestyle.
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: I don't believe in putting all of my requirements that
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: I need to be puffilled in just one person. And
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: you don't do you think? You don't think that they
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: should put the same pressure on you as well? Um? Absolutely,
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: Because I'm gonna tell you now, I sometimes I like
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: to be left alone. And that's just that's what it is,
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: you know, and my right? Is it right for me
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: to deny my partner because you know what, Bay, today,
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: I don't I don't want to be I don't want
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: to talk. I don't want to I want to be
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: left alone or I want to be you know, in
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: my thoughts, or I want to go and do this,
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: but this is not something I like. I'm an arius,
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: so I like adventure and you know, I like to
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: jump off planes and stuff. He don't really necessary like that?
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: Is it fair that I really got to force him
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: to really do certain things that are kind of out
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: of his character just because I want to do it. Yeah,
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: he's gonna do it because he loves me, But is
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: it fair? I don't wanna. I don't want to put
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: pressures on my partner to make him feel like I
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: have to do things where I'm obligated to do things
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: because I'm your partner. So how does that work? On
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: the flip side though, Like, are you if you want
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: to go and jump out the plane? Do you go
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: and find someone to jump out the plane with you?
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: And it is be okay with that because he has that,
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: he has the other side being fulfilled, But are you
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: having the other side be fulfilled? Before you answer that
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: sor you don't know before wait before you answer that, right,
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: Because That's what I'm trying to understand from the one.
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: First of all, to be clear, I am not against
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: this concept, right, I'm not against it right at all.
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: So what I'm trying to understand is how does it
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: benefit you? Because what I'm hearing is you're saying, there's
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: two women one man, and you're not, um sexually involved
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: romantically involved with this woman. So where is it who
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: is going with you to jump off the plane when
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: he's not gonna So um, when I met romantically, I
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: did mean sexually, I should you know specified that um,
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: as far as like with the other woman, there's a friendship,
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: there's a bond, there's a there might be things that
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: he doesn't particularly like to do what she does, or
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: being able to just bomb with a woman just in
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: general over certain things like I'm a mother and I'm
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: actually pregnant now, and you know, I like a woman
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: just brings something different to a relationship. Like my best friend.
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I feel like we're soul sisters. You know what
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: I'm saying is so and this particular dynamic. It's not
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: that I look for a woman to be sexual with,
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: but I do like the bond and the connection and
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: sharing certain responsibilities and sometimes with me and him have
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: a disagreement, you know, hearing a woman's perspective who's not biased,
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: because let's be real, you can't call your mom, your sister,
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: your friend. They're all going to be biased more more
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: than likely because they love you. They're your family, they're
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: your friend. But you have that connection at other partner
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: who's able to look at it and say, you know,
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: maybe you could have handled this a little differently to me,
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: or maybe you could have handled this a little bit differently,
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: don you know, just it's just another another view. But
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: I'm definitely getting fulfilled in all of those areas, whether
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: we're sexually together or not. If we're being technical malbidos
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: not as hard as his anyway, So pretty pretty even there.
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: And I think I think for me, right when I
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: listened to these conversations, right, and I have conversations because
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: I got a lot of female friends and they talk
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: and they ask questions. And the thing for me is
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: the conventional relationship isn't work like it when you when
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: you look when you look at right now, when you
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: look at the numbers of relationships, you look at the
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: divorce rates when you look at it, and it's base
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: on infidelity is one of the highest rates of everything,
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: is infidelity. Women have ideology that men are supposed to
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: be with them and them and when, and it is
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: not working. The idea is is really not working and
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: and it's and it's not because it's anything that's wrong
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: with the women or wrong with the man. Like I
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: hear all these conversations or manages dogs. Maybe maybe we're
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: looking at it from the point of view that doesn't
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: make sense. Maybe monogamy is not something that's a natural thing.
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: I think there's something that we grow into. I think
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: as men, right, we can move towards the space where
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: that's a possibility. As we get older, and you know,
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: as lions, we start to settle down the pasture and
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: all these things. But the nature of a man is
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: not to be monogamous. Like when a man decides to
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: be monogamous, he sacrifices, and he comproment. He does he
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: fights against his nat yourself to be with a woman
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: because he cares for that woman. He does a lot
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: of things. And then when you make a mistake that
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: goes slightly outside, you call the worst thing in the world.
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: I have this conversation with my friends all the time.
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: You have a man, and he's the best man for you,
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: pays your bills, he takes you out, you hang out,
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: you enjoy his company, does all these things. He cheats
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: on you, he's a dog. You get rid of them.
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: You have a friend, right that does less than that.
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: You hang she called, you talked to him once in
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: a while, two times a week. She don't pay no bills,
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: she don't do nothing. And you've been friends for fifty
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: years and you say, this is the best friend I've
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: ever had in my life. But the man is a
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: dog because he cheated one time, pays every bill, did
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: everything all the ship, and you'll throw that relationship completely
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: to the trash. It's the best friend you'll be with
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: for fifty and sixty years and they haven't provided, not
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: even amortional of what the relationship that you have with
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: that man is. So if we think about it and
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: my and my thing, what I see really is that
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: people just rather be friends, like you, rather just have
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: a friend because the standard of a relationship is almost
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: impossible to completely fulfill. When you said natural, that was
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: a real like keyword, right, And so like whenever I
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: talk about polyamory with people, I like to kind of
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: because it gets touchy, because you don't want to talk
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: about spirituality and religion because it gets really sticky when
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: you talk about it on that level. So I always
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: kind of like to just break it down to an
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: animalistic level. And when you just think about numbers, right,
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: just logically speaking, when a man ejaculates, he is just
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: ejaculating a million life spurn life forms pur ejaculation. He
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: can ejaculate multiple times a day, which essentially means he
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: can impregnate multiple women a day until he stopped ejaculating women.
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: We can only give birth to one child within a
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: twelve months calendar the year. And if we're looking at sex,
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: it just sexis itself to be the reason for that
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: or the purpose is to reproduce? Those numbers don't even
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: logically match up. They don't match up. You know, how
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: can we really read if a if a man was
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: only supposed to be one woman for the rest of
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: his life, we don't get periods until what thirteen years old?
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: We stopped having him at forty Who wants to be
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: pregnant every year for the rest of their life. But
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: if we're trying to populate, and we're trying to grow
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: and really make this a huge community, how how are
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: those numbers gonna match up? If he can only pregnant
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: one woman for the rest of his life. Well, I want,
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: I want to tear her to jump back in here,
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: but you know, LaToya um, you actually have to jump
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: off um. And so you may have a perspective on this,
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: I think I My opinion in response to what has
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: been said both Tory and my son is that I
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: don't disagree that some of these things may be true,
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: but it's the lie. It's not the actual act of
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: UM having sex with someone or choosing a certain lifestyle.
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: It's the lie. And it's also the fact that people
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: and you know, so I appreciate your life tory, right,
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: because it's straight up, it's honest, it's out there and
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: I and I know that the response because I've been
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: in this conversation not just with my son but many people,
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: and they say, well, you know, because when we try
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: to tell y'all, you can't handle it. And what I say,
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: as it was response to that is if you're gonna
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: be a man one time of the day, you need
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: to be a man all day long, no matter what
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: that means, even if that means the person leaves you,
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: even if it means that the person says, well, I'm
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: not gonna deal with it whatever it is, you can't
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: be selfish enough to say just because you couldn't handle it.
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: My stand is, as a man dropped down to where
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: I started lying about what it is that I'm doing,
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: that's my opinion. You gotta put it on the table
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: and say this is who I am, period, and allowed
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: the other individual to make a decision of whether or
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: not they can live with it or not. And if not,
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: you got to go find the people who are willing
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: to fulfill that as whatever the standards are for your life.
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: And that's what you know. The thing is, the reality
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: situation is. And I'm gonna let you look. No, I
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: want you to say something to it. But this one
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: thing is, mothers aren't teaching that to this suns right.
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: Mothers are saying, this is how you're supposed to be
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: to get you a woman. You're supposed to be a
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: good husband. They watched their mothers get rid of their
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: father for cheating. These are things that men have watched
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: throughout history. They haven't seen the positivity of them being
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: honest in this regard. They haven't seen any of these things.
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: When you come to a young boy that's seventeen, eighteen
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: or nineteen and he started dating all these things and
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: he wants to date another girl, and his mother like, yo,
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: you need to be good to that girl. Don't be
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: out there, don't be a cheaterd like your father, and
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: all those things. That's not the mentality that a man gets.
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: It's not it's not real men. It's not nobody sitting
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: down with these young boys and saying, listen, brother, you
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: need to be very honest. You can date whoever you
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: want if you want to do all these These are
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: not conversations that they had with men. I've been a
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: man my whole life. These are not conversations that I
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: mean and have with young I've had these conversations with
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: my young brothers. And the way that they move. They
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: move in that manner, and they have a lot of
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: problems with especially young women, because they say, oh, these
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: they're disrespectful. They but they're very honest and what it
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: is that they want. They say, this is how I
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: want to live my life. I'm dating, I'm seeing this one.
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: And I hear a lot of times from women that like,
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: your brothers are disrespectful, they don't care about women and
• 37:37
  Speaker 1: all of these things. And there's a narrative being pain
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: So a lot of people are not strong enough to
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: deal with that narrative. A lot of men don't want
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: to be seen as this individual. They don't want to
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: be talked about in the negative way. They don't have
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: the strength to be, you know, seeing They want to
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: be seen in the light as something that's positive. So
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: until we start rechanging trading the narrative just like women sexuality. Right,
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: But women decide they want to have sexual a lot
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: of women and they say a lot of men or
• 38:02
  Speaker 1: whatever they've seen as whores and all these things. So
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: it's not that they don't want to do it. Like
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: you said, you, why are we being seen this? There
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: has to be a change in narrative on both spectrums
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: for us. Let go and then we can come back
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: to that when we talk about changing the narrative. Conversations
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: like this are start right because first of all, we
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: don't normally see people who look like Tory who say
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: this is their lifestyle. Right. When we hear about a
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: polyamorous lifestyle, it's usually others, it is not us. So
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: first of all, her standing up and saying, hey, this
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: is who I am. Here are my needs, my expectations,
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: and what I am accepting of in my relationship. So
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: this starts that. But to kind of go back to
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: where you were talking about my son when we talked
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: about friends versus how you treat a man, I think
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: it boils down to expectations. I don't expect my girl
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: to be monogamous with me if I'm gonna relay ship
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: with the concept doesn't even make sense. I'm just saying,
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: obviously when you walk I'm sorry. Didn't mean to cut
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: you off when I said this to him, So I'm
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: glad that you were saying it. When I walk into
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: a job that is at the Dollar Tree store, right,
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: and I am a cashier, there's going to be a
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: certain expectation. But if I go down the sacks fitth
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: Avenue and get a job as a manager, there is
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: a higher expectation from me. And so when you're in
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: a relationship and this is your friend and y'all are
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: not having sex or having any emotional connection, You're not
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: going to have the same That's really true. Friends have
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: emotional connections. Because my friends told me in the middle tonight,
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: and I'm gonna jump up the same way. I'm a
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: call for my wife. But I'm just I know it's
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: not the same thing to you. There's a grace that
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: comes with friendships, and you took your point in relationships,
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: now you don't always give. That's the problem. There's no
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: way I acknowledge it is completely a problem. It is
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: an issue because everyday monogamy is a choice. Every day
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: I commit to being faithful to my husband, right he
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: commits to being faithful to me. So that's the biggest,
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: the biggest thing that we have to acknowledge. So when
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: we talk about the whole idea and construct of monogamy,
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: is it right or is it if it works for you?
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: If it works for you. But here's here's where I
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: want to make sure. And this is kind of too
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: to me at this point. Not everyone is going to
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: keep in one hundred. They're not going to say, look,
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: I am starting to give feelings for someone else, or
• 40:34
  Speaker 1: I'm only getting it's time to move. People don't communicate
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: enough right, People don't communicate enough. I'm a girl who
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: cuts bait when it's time to go right, and so
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: in past relationships, I'm not I'm cheating for me. Wouldn't
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: be a choice because guess what, I'm gonna leave before
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: I have to get there. So I'm a communicator. I
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: don't mind communicating with you and say, you know what,
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: my son, we're good. But this is not what I need.
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: I need more to feel fulfill. I need a different
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: type of person, whatever it is. And so I think
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: it boils down to the communication aspect. But we cannot
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: expect that we're gonna hold our friends to the same
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: standard as we are the people that were sleeping with
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: what I'm trying to tell you, it's for me, and
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: that's what the problem is. I think relationships don't establish friendship, right.
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: I think relationships. I think relationships have expectations that aren't
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: even realistic. If you're in a lifetime relationship with somebody, right,
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: relationship is the only thing that you're supposed to do
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: for the rest of your life, right, everything else changes.
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: You decide, your outfit change. You gotta pass sneakers you like?
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: You decide next in two weeks, you know, I'm getting
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: another pis sneak. It doesn't mean that you don't like
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: the piss sneakers you got, but you decided you seeing
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: another pas sneakers you like. For the rest of your life.
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: You're supposed to be one person. That individual changes, The
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: way that you communicate changes, the things you learn about yourself,
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: the things you learn about life change. And you're supposed
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: to be with this one person. And if this relationship
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: doesn't evolve, and you aren't able to say, hey, this
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: is this is age in me. Right, And a lot
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: of times when you grow into this relationship and you
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: have these relationships. It's it's very hard to tell somebody
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: that this has changed in you because you don't want
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: to disappoint that individual. Nobody wants to disappoint somebody that
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: they've obligated themselves to, that they've made brought into this life,
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: So you don't want to disappoint them. So you caught
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: in the quagmire. You're saying, you know what, how do
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: I maintain this? How do I not maintain this? And
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: we haven't been taught that we have from young man,
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: from young men, from young men. I'm giving you the answer, though,
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you right, young man, we were talked
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: by older men. It's not what you do, it's how
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: you do it. We weren't taught. They weren't having a
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: conversation with us. They was like a man gonna be
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: a man. Everyone. I have a husband who was taught
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: by And when you've done with a woman, if that's
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: not what you want to move on like you. That's
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: what I'm trying to tell you, the average everybody, it's
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: not the average conversation with men, because I would I
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: had to learn throughout history, throughout my own trials and tribulations.
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: So now I am still that in my younger brothers
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: and my son. I have real conversations with them. When
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: I have conversations with young girls that come to me,
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: I have real conversations about realism of life and what's
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: realistic expectations. I don't just say yo, because you're my
• 43:35
  Speaker 1: cousin or you're my sister, that's gonna be this way
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: and you should do with this. No, you're going to
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: put up with something in relationship. You just gotta figure
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: out who you're gonna do it with, how you want
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: to deal with it. Things change every day, and it's
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: not realistic for me. When you look at most relationships
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: they have lasted, you know the sense of time, thirty
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: forty years. They went through periods of infidelity, They went
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: through periods of breakup, They went through furious or information
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: to where some of them didn't even like each other
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: for years, They didn't even want to talk to each
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: other for years. They separated for years. There are periods
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: of times as individuals we change, and to have an
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: expectation that one person is going to completely satisfy you
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: for the rest of your life, I don't know if
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: it's realistic and unless that relationship evolves into something else
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: unless you and that individual evolvement start to re make
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: different dynamics of that relationship. I just don't know. It
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: is absolutely a choice. Am I the same woman I
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: was seven years ago when I'm at my husband? No?
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: Is he the same man? No? Do we choose daily
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: to relearn one another to stay committed? Yes? Right? So
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: I think it's based on who those people are. There
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: are some people out there who are absolutely not ever
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: going to get down with the concept of monogamy just
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: because they don't have to. Right, we're talking about choice.
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: They don't have to. Like can said, oh no, I
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: choose to sleep with this person, with that person, to
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: be this person, not commit or whatever. But there are
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: others who do choose to be So I don't I
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: don't want to look at it like a right or wrong.
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: I think there are When we think about the deeper
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: reasons why people aren't monogamous, there's so much trauma, so
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: much unhealed trauma walking around with individuals. Right, So when
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: you talk about a man saying, oh, well, all I
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: ever heard growing up was a man was going to
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: be a man, it doesn't make it right that that
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: was all he heard right. So if he's never seen
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: a positive relationship, yeah, all he may know is I'm
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: gonna dip off with this woman, with this woman and
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: with this one. So I think the conversation starts with that,
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: what have we learned? Who are when we come into relationships? Like?
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: Who are you? What is that person's history? I dated
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: someone who didn't believe a marriage. My parents been married
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: fifty plus years. That wasn't going to work for me
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: because I saw a marriage. I saw a union that
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: lasted the test of time. And so when you tell me, oh,
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: I don't believe in it because it's just a piece
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: of paper and I know it, it it is so much more.
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: You're not my person, right, So so, Tory are you?
• 46:08
  Speaker 1: Are you married? No? I'm completely against signing the paper
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: quite honestly. Um. I look at marriage UM a lot
• 46:18
  Speaker 1: differently than that. I feel like I'm all for the union,
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: and I feel like that union is between me, my
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: partner and God. I just personally don't UM. I don't
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: feel I'm not a hundred percent behind involving a third
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: party or another party just for financial gain into my union.
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: And that's just my you know, thought process, And it
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: could go back to what she said about trauma. You know,
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: I've I've just seen some really nasty things, you know,
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: happened with with marriage and divorces and money and and
• 46:50
  Speaker 1: all of those things. And I'm just not for it,
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: you know. I I can't tell myself that I'm comfortable
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: with like we talked about, like what my son talked about,
• 46:59
  Speaker 1: what about us even of me, I may evolved in
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: five years that to where now this relationship, this marriage,
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: is this this union or whatever, it's not working the
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: way that it was. I don't think it's fair that
• 47:12
  Speaker 1: a Caucasian middle aged man has the power to tell
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: me half of everything that you have needs to go
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: to this person, half of everything that you built, and
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: and and in deciding and making those decisions for me
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: about what happens with my life and my children. That's
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: something that I would like to keep between me and
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: my partner and you know, me and my union. So
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: I'm definitely not for signing the paper per se, but
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: I am definitely for a union for sure. What state
• 47:44
  Speaker 1: are you? And here's the thing I just want to play.
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: I don't want to say devil advocate, but I'm just
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: gonna play the other side of the point, what state
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: are you in? I'm in Texas right now. Girl, listen,
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: come and law state. How long I'm in Togethern Well,
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: I actually just military three months ago. And like I said,
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: we've been on and off for the past like fifteen years.
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: You're gonna live together and have me at the same house. Well,
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: because I'm bringing down Yeah, that happened a I'm just
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: saying because in the state of Texas, it doesn't even matter.
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: He becomes your common law husband after a certain period.
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: So I hear what you're saying. I'm not in any
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: way trying to discount or discredit what you feel and believe. No,
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: I feel you're not at all. But yeah, like in
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: some states, it doesn't even matter if you legally go
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: down to the court and get a piece of paper
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: and stand before a judge or whatever. And that's the problem.
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: That's that that that no one should be able to
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: make should have that power. Do you get what I'm saying?
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: No one should have that power. And me and my
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: relationship at all, I don't think it's right. I don't
• 48:44
  Speaker 1: think it's fair at all. And anything that I do
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: in my home, it's my business. You know what I mean,
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: it's it's my business and it and it shouldn't It
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: shouldn't mean oh, because you know, in order to get
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: a pool, and I feel like it's just all about
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: money and it's you know, it shouldn't be. You can
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: only get approved for this loan if you and your husband,
• 49:03
  Speaker 1: you know, make this certain amount of money, and it
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: has to be. But like all of those things that
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: come along with it, it's just to me, it's just
• 49:10
  Speaker 1: another way that they get to have their hands into
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: my business. And I'm just not for it at all,
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: Like is what we're saying here. All that I think
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: what I'm hearing is that just like the digital space
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: now right like with technology, people are dating online a
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: lot of what we're used to. And I agree, I'm
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: not gonna say that I think that people online are weirdos,
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: but I understand sort of like the concept that I
• 49:40
  Speaker 1: feel like I don't know what I'm meeting right at
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: all on the internet, and most of the men that
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: I know don't they're not really online like that anyway,
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: especially not to go onto a dating app. But I
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: also understand that just like jobs have moved to the internet,
• 49:59
  Speaker 1: just like you know, school online school that sort of
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: we've developed in society. So I guess when when I'm
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: listening to what my son is saying, I'm listening to you, Tori,
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: I feel like, is what I'm hearing that m relationships
• 50:16
  Speaker 1: that are what we knew about the relationships is now
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: changing because the times are changing and ideals are changing.
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: Absolutely if we wanted, like let's be let's be kind
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: of technical, like you know, realistic about some things and
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: like a lot of people like to compare themselves to
• 50:33
  Speaker 1: our grandparents and our great grant parents. My grandmother, she
• 50:36
  Speaker 1: was the most angel angel on earth, Okay when she
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: was alive, only being with one man, which was my
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: grandfather her entire life. Never cheated on him, never did
• 50:46
  Speaker 1: anything of course he did, and she took care of
• 50:50
  Speaker 1: at home. She did everything by the book a woman
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: was supposed to do. Even though it didn't still it
• 50:55
  Speaker 1: still didn't stop my grandfather from going now doing what
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: he was doing, having another kid or whatever the case.
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: Maybe she did her part. The thing about it is
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: when we're talking about seventy eighty years ago when the
• 51:08
  Speaker 1: cost of living was a a fraction of what it is,
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: and I'm living in a two bedroom apartment, right now,
• 51:15
  Speaker 1: that's over fifteen hundred dollars a month. That was not
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: the case eighty years ago. Unfortunately, it's a little bit more.
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: It's like when the cost of living kept going up,
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: um expectations kept going up, but they still was trying
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: to you know, spoon feed are black men or are
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: men period or how to get those same opportunities, like, Okay,
• 51:36
  Speaker 1: what the cost of living is going up, I need
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: more money, I need more income. We but man is
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: still not making an average the amount, you know, the
• 51:45
  Speaker 1: same amount of money as are our other parts. They're
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: just not. So we're looking at eighty years ago when
• 51:51
  Speaker 1: a man was able to financially take care of a household,
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: a household by himself without his woman working, it was
• 51:59
  Speaker 1: a lot easier than was compared to now two thousand
• 52:02
  Speaker 1: and twenty one. Unfortunately, the way that life is now,
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: you do kind of need more than one, you know,
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: income in the household majority of the time. And if
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: I'm a woman and I gotta I'm not saying I'm
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: in there and I gotta pay ranting all other bills.
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: Of course he's still gonna do all that, but there
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: still needs to be some type of financial you know,
• 52:23
  Speaker 1: you input from the woman period in two thousand and
• 52:26
  Speaker 1: twenty one. Now, I don't want to do that and
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: be the only person cooking and be the only person
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: cleaning and being the only ones having care of kids,
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: watching the clothes. Women these days are straights. They are
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: stressed out, they are mentally unstable, and that's just what
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: it is. I listened to a lot of women these days,
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: and they are depressed. They feel like they are not
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: meeting their mark because they're not their grandmother's. They're not
• 52:51
  Speaker 1: doing they're not meeting the market. They're great and grandrdmothers.
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: We're making it. So they feel like they're not a woman,
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. They feel like they're less
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: than and it's like, I don't want all that pressure.
• 53:04
  Speaker 1: I don't want all that pressure for that if I
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: know that I like to work, actually, I like to
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: contribute and do these certain things. So I shouldn't be
• 53:14
  Speaker 1: looked at as less of a woman because I want
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: to share some of those responsibilities across the board. You know,
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: I agree. I just think for me, just when I
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: when I think about relationships, right, I have a lot
• 53:25
  Speaker 1: of conversations with people about that is especially a lot
• 53:28
  Speaker 1: of elders and the narrative that that's being painted that
• 53:33
  Speaker 1: everything when you look at relationships and they said, I've
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: been together fifty years and this whole narrative that everything
• 53:39
  Speaker 1: was good and nobody had it's not realistic. Like a
• 53:42
  Speaker 1: lot of them been together and got two and three
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: kids with other people. They there's been so much stuff
• 53:48
  Speaker 1: that's that's been taken out of the fifty years that
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: we just look at that and say it can be done,
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: and it's not being it's not being told in the
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: proper perspective, right, And and a lot of like she said,
• 54:00
  Speaker 1: there was a there was a different mentality before, Like
• 54:03
  Speaker 1: there was mentality women were saying, I'm not my husband
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: and my husband be here, he's gonna do this. Like
• 54:09
  Speaker 1: when I used to have conversation with my grandfather. To
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: be honest, I've never seen a man cheat like I've
• 54:15
  Speaker 1: never I've never seen my father cheat on my mother.
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: That was never a thing my mother to this day
• 54:19
  Speaker 1: to tell you that she she never saw my father cheat. Right,
• 54:23
  Speaker 1: I never seen my grandfather cheat on my grandmother. But
• 54:26
  Speaker 1: my me and my grandfather would have conversations and he
• 54:28
  Speaker 1: would be like a man gonna be a man. You
• 54:30
  Speaker 1: just gotta do. When my grandfather came home every night,
• 54:33
  Speaker 1: he paid all the bills, He took him my grandmother
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: whatever she needs. And when he what he did on
• 54:38
  Speaker 1: his weekends when he was out all day, I don't
• 54:40
  Speaker 1: know what he did. He would take me to work
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: with him sometimes when he was hanging up with My
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: grandmother didn't call him, and that we didn't have cell
• 54:46
  Speaker 1: phones back then. She wasn't involved. It wasn't nothing. He
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: came home on his weekends. That was his time. He
• 54:55
  Speaker 1: was nine to five. He came home, and his weekends
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: he hung up with his friends or whatever he did
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: came She said, A man gonna be a man as
• 55:02
  Speaker 1: long as he This is my grandmother told me as
• 55:05
  Speaker 1: a woman. And they were together for over thirty plus
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: years before they both passed away, like six months after
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: each other. And they and they and they and they
• 55:14
  Speaker 1: carried on so and and and and throughout history. The
• 55:17
  Speaker 1: relationships that I know, that's what's happened is not this
• 55:21
  Speaker 1: quote unquote we live happily of after I say all
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: the time, women want the title of a wife, women
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: want the title of a relationship, but they don't want
• 55:30
  Speaker 1: the reality of it the reality that comes with you
• 55:32
  Speaker 1: being with a certain caliber man. You're being with a man,
• 55:35
  Speaker 1: you don't want to deal with the ups and downs
• 55:37
  Speaker 1: of it. You just want the grass is green park.
• 55:40
  Speaker 1: And it's not realistic. And when you have comes with men,
• 55:43
  Speaker 1: which I do all the time, they're either gonna they're
• 55:46
  Speaker 1: lying to women trying to make them believe certain things
• 55:48
  Speaker 1: because they don't want them to know certain things, or
• 55:50
  Speaker 1: they're telling the truth that you know. It's not it's
• 55:53
  Speaker 1: not realistic. So I'm just trying to figure out where
• 55:56
  Speaker 1: do we get to a space where men are able
• 55:59
  Speaker 1: to sit down and we can really talk about what
• 56:02
  Speaker 1: relationships that are going to be fruit food that are
• 56:05
  Speaker 1: gonna be both everybody's gonna agree upon. Everybody's gonna come
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: to a space of understanding each other, the nature of
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: a man, nature of women, and things that we require,
• 56:15
  Speaker 1: things that we require, and we're gonna do it right
• 56:17
  Speaker 1: without every conversation as men of dogs, Oh he cheated up.
• 56:20
  Speaker 1: Every day you we find out our best rate, We
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: find out the best relationships that we thought was the
• 56:25
  Speaker 1: best relationship in the world. We come on TV and
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: we follow out, Oh he was cheating on them. Oh
• 56:29
  Speaker 1: this one was cheating on and we keep hearing this
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: the same narrative over and over and over. So when
• 56:35
  Speaker 1: do we gonna say, Okay, these are just not bad
• 56:37
  Speaker 1: men we talk about in history like I don't. I
• 56:45
  Speaker 1: am not a woman, even though I work with women
• 56:47
  Speaker 1: and help them date in a very different space, I
• 56:51
  Speaker 1: don't believe that. I don't believe that all men are cheaters.
• 56:54
  Speaker 1: I don't believe that men are dogs. I have never
• 56:57
  Speaker 1: said that, and I'm not saying that you said that,
• 56:59
  Speaker 1: but I'm just you know, there are women out there
• 57:01
  Speaker 1: who do not believe that. Okay. Secondly to your point
• 57:06
  Speaker 1: about when are we going to have these conversations and
• 57:10
  Speaker 1: and when can a man just be honest? It's about
• 57:12
  Speaker 1: communicating from the jump, because if you are to look
• 57:14
  Speaker 1: at your friends and you say, okay, so you met
• 57:17
  Speaker 1: girl a maybe he met her at a bar. Right,
• 57:19
  Speaker 1: we'll take online dating out of it. He met her
• 57:22
  Speaker 1: at a bar. She's cute, she's nice, she's lovely. He
• 57:26
  Speaker 1: is going to because he wants something from her. He's
• 57:29
  Speaker 1: going to tell her everything she wants to hear right
• 57:31
  Speaker 1: when he knows, sincerely and in his heart, he's not
• 57:34
  Speaker 1: really trying to be in a relationship. He's not trying
• 57:36
  Speaker 1: to settle down, he's not in a place where he's
• 57:38
  Speaker 1: even ready for a relationship. But because he wants what
• 57:41
  Speaker 1: he wants, he's gonna spend game and give her whatever
• 57:43
  Speaker 1: she wants to hear. So it starts there, why can't
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: he communicate it? Look, I'm not in a place to
• 57:49
  Speaker 1: actually give you a relationship. I think you're fine, I
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: think you're hot. Um, if you're down with it, because
• 57:55
  Speaker 1: surprisingly there are women who be like, oh, I'm down
• 57:58
  Speaker 1: with it. I'm that's cool. Thank you for honoring my
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: feelings enough to tell me what it is and what
• 58:04
  Speaker 1: it want versus him lying is literally you ain't gotta lie,
• 58:09
  Speaker 1: cred Like it boils down to that, like you don't
• 58:11
  Speaker 1: have to lie. You'll be so surprised at how many
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: women out there are able to handle those kind of
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: conversations because at least you gave me a choice. Cheating
• 58:22
  Speaker 1: removes my choices. That you cheating, that you remove my choices.
• 58:26
  Speaker 1: So I just want you to know that there are
• 58:29
  Speaker 1: women who think very progressively when it comes to relationships
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: in dating, Like it's not the that's that's so young,
• 58:37
  Speaker 1: Like all men are ing no They're not all men
• 58:39
  Speaker 1: are dogs. Know, if you look statistically, women probably cheat
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: more than men. Agree, right, we we we cheat, We
• 58:46
  Speaker 1: just do it differently. We don't get caught. We don't
• 58:48
  Speaker 1: go blasting and talking to our home girls at the
• 58:51
  Speaker 1: beauty shop about oh I was cheating with it. No,
• 58:53
  Speaker 1: it's it's just a different kind of way. It's a
• 58:56
  Speaker 1: different way that it's done. I think there are a
• 58:59
  Speaker 1: lot of things that unfortunately, uh, we all, um, we
• 59:08
  Speaker 1: have ideals that are just not true, right about what
• 59:12
  Speaker 1: women think or what men are going to do and
• 59:16
  Speaker 1: what they're not going to do. And I always say,
• 59:19
  Speaker 1: um to my son, we should stop saying women don't
• 59:23
  Speaker 1: like this that, or men are gonna do because it's
• 59:26
  Speaker 1: not true that all of anything exactly. It's that there
• 59:31
  Speaker 1: are some women who can't handle true. There are some
• 59:34
  Speaker 1: men who lie rather than telling the truth. And yeah,
• 59:38
  Speaker 1: I think you made one point, um mi, set I
• 59:41
  Speaker 1: think is true that women will say he's a dog
• 59:47
  Speaker 1: or whatever because they see how you know, a young
• 59:53
  Speaker 1: man is sleeping with this one or that one and
• 59:56
  Speaker 1: has lots of relationships. But I submit in this conversation
• 59:59
  Speaker 1: that it's not actually the problem. The problem isn't that
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 1: the man is has multiple women. Excuse me for not
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 1: you know, oftentimes, like when I'm trying to think through
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 1: what I'm saying, I want to make sure that it's
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 1: it's being stated properly, So excuse my all over the place.
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 1: I don't think it's that. I think if you talk
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 1: to those women and you listen to the backstories of
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 1: the things that these younger men who are who my
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 1: son may be talking to, and other men are counseling
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 1: them about a different way to do it, they're doing
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 1: a bunch of other bullshit, right, There's a bunch of
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 1: lies and and and and and and and just um,
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 1: you know, just just nasty things that the men are
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 1: also doing that's mixed up in this whole idea that
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 1: I'm not trying to just be with one woman woman.
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 1: And I think if we're honest about it, and you
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 1: peel back the layers of their behavior, the immaturity, the
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 1: the you know, the all the things that go along
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 1: with it, um, you will find that the problem is
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 1: not the multiple women. It's the it's the way in
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 1: which people are actually going about living and operating in
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 1: their truth and in their because that's how to do
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 1: it is it's raggedy. Raggedy's raggedy way they speak to women,
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 1: the way that they you know, just certain things that
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 1: they're doing it it hurts people's feelings. So the issue
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 1: is not so much that we need to be open
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 1: enough where we can see other people. The problem comes
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 1: down to how you go about operating in that space.
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 1: And I think that's what I think now. I don't
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 1: know all of the details of the relations or the
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 1: people that my son knows, or that your relationship tory
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 1: or whatever. I can't speak to it because I don't know,
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 1: but I would amact just based upon my knowledge of
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 1: guys who you have multiple women that what often happens
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 1: is the benefits of what they can get from a
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 1: woman from lying about whether they are in a monogamous
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 1: relationship mean more to their narcissism than for them to
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 1: be able to sit down and say, because I am
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 1: now telling you that I am seeing other people, you
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 1: may not be available all the time. You may not
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 1: financially help or support or do things. You may not
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 1: be working as hard for me. You may be you
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 1: know things are going to change, and because many people
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 1: want to maintain the benefits of the relationship. They will
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 1: lie so that they don't lose anything because they are
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 1: unable to commit fully on the other side, and that
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 1: I think for for most women, like for me, that
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 1: would be a problem for me. If we're gonna be
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 1: honest about it, be a hundred percent honest, and then
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 1: understand that I now can make choices that don't necessarily
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 1: benefit you as much as they did in the exactly
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 1: exactly there's two things that you said that I think
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 1: are so important for that people should take away, and
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 1: I totally agree with it. It's you know, on this
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 1: side of the spectrum, its like you just said, you
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 1: have the man has to be completely honest because it's
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 1: about giving and taking away that choice from that woman, right.
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 1: And then on the step on the flip side about it,
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 1: you know, some women having that thought process of men
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 1: are dogs. Like you said, it's not about the multiple women,
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 1: it's like it's the other stuff that come along with it.
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 1: Is exactly what you said. My grandmother used to always
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 1: tell me this, when when a woman is happy, when
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 1: you're fulfilling everything, you know, automother Nixon, she's really not
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 1: interested in caring about going through your phone. Of course,
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 1: it wasn't a phone that being, But you get I'm
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 1: translating into now times. We're not going through your phone,
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 1: I'm not checking your emails and doing all that. I
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 1: don't have a time. I'm too busy and happy in
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 1: mala land that I really don't have a time or
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 1: interest even want to look for something that could mess
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 1: up my happy You get what I'm saying. But when
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 1: you're a man and you ain't yeah, yeah, your woman
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 1: ain't even happy because you ain't doing a B and C.
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 1: Now she got more time on her hands and she's
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 1: looking at Okay, well you ain't even doing a B
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 1: and C. So how dare you even have the audacity
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 1: to want to have a relationship or do anything with
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 1: another woman that that makes no sense to me? Make
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 1: sure I'm good over here, and I don't, And then
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 1: I don't care what you know. I'm i I'm my
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 1: questioning that I don't care. I'm happy over year, bills
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 1: just paid, children are happy, you know, the home is
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 1: being fulful, everything's good. So that that both of those
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 1: things that you said, I think are two important things
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 1: are why relationships are going the way that they are
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 1: right now. This conversation made me feel like I'm gonna
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 1: continue to be single. I think, I know all. I
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 1: want to go on record and say, are there some
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 1: weird people out there in the dating space, yes, or
• 1:04:59
  Speaker 1: some of online? Absolutely? Are there nice, normal, good people
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 1: out there looking for relationships who maybe are not going
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 1: out to the clubs, not going to the social events,
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 1: don't have time. Maybe they're building their business. So for
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 1: them it makes sense because I can go grocery shopping
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 1: for a mate on my phone. Yes, yes, yes, yes,
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 1: So I don't want you to just throw the whole
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 1: dating concept away, especially not the online because I know
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 1: this conversation has gone super duper deep. But there are
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 1: I listen, I've coached ladies who have gotten married two
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 1: men that they've met online. I have two cousins that
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 1: they online and they well, one of them is happy,
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 1: the other one, you know, it's questionable, but so we
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 1: have Yeah. So that's the thing. It's like, just no,
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 1: and I mean, if we can get down to the
• 1:05:52
  Speaker 1: like mirror, you might meet what you actually are out
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 1: there in those dating streets, whether it's online or whatever. Um,
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 1: but just just not to give it the negative convertation
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 1: of like, oh, everybody who goes online is a weirdo.
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 1: I'm not a weirdo. My husband wasn't a weirdough. There
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 1: are interesting people out there, but there are also good
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 1: people who use it as a method to meet people
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 1: that they would not ordinarily have interacted with. So that's
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 1: my two cents on that. I just I just wanted
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 1: to um say something. You said something right about You know,
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 1: a lot of men get about men. Some men get
• 1:06:26
  Speaker 1: into relationships or meet women and they know they don't
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 1: want to be in this relationship, but they want to
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 1: tell them all these things, and that's a process that
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 1: that is. Those things happen. But they are also men
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 1: who get in relationships and actually want something right. They
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 1: actually think that they want to be with this thing,
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 1: and as time goes on, it doesn't work right, It
• 1:06:49
  Speaker 1: doesn't work what they thought was gonna work with you.
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 1: It just just doesn't work for them. And then they
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 1: come to the process and they mind. They said them,
• 1:06:56
  Speaker 1: how do I say this? How do I transfer this?
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 1: How do I don't want to hurt with this person?
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 1: Because I thought this and that and these those things
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 1: happen as well a lot of women. Women, A lot
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 1: of women think that men get into relationships with the objective.
• 1:07:11
  Speaker 1: I'm just trying to get over on you and I'm
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 1: trying to just be No. That doesn't always happen. I
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 1: know a lot of different situations with men I'm friends.
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 1: I know they were dating some chickens, like yo, I
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 1: like this chick next thing, you know, the chickens. All
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 1: you know a a day she called him a thousand towns
• 1:07:25
  Speaker 1: is the fight this and that turns into okay, damn.
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 1: I thought it was good and and then it changes.
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 1: Think that nic asking that they communicate the change. I
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 1: completely acknowledge what you're saying about feelings change. People change. Right,
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 1: You're getting something and it might be more than what
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 1: you thought it was or what you could actually handle
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 1: at that time. The problem comes in when they don't communicate,
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 1: when they say hey, when you say that, right, and
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 1: it's very it's a lot easier said than done, Queen,
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 1: because I've had hard conversations and so I have of
• 1:08:00
  Speaker 1: my daughter's father. Okay, I have left before your relationship.
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 1: So I've had hard conversations when a relationship didn't serve me.
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 1: So I hear what you're saying. We say it's easier
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 1: said than done. But because I've had to have those conversations.
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 1: I still say it's worth it, because what do I
• 1:08:16
  Speaker 1: look like eighteen years later, staying with my ex just
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 1: because oh we have a kid, and oh no I
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 1: had to choose me. I was just trying to say
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 1: she was this, that she was in me for. I
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 1: don't care if the conversation everything not hard. Sometimes they do.
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 1: You know, some people think I'm a bit I don't
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 1: know if the worry. Maybe it's abrasive or something, or
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 1: lack some some money that said I lack empathy. I
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 1: don't think it's that. But it's like you said, I'm
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 1: gonna choose me. Used to women choosing themselves right there.
• 1:08:46
  Speaker 1: Used to us being the nurturers and we're gonna take
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 1: care everybody. I choose me every single everything, every single
• 1:08:52
  Speaker 1: But if you're not as crazy, it took a toxic
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 1: as relates. Sorry, I don't know if even curse. It
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 1: took a toxic relationship for me to get to this
• 1:09:03
  Speaker 1: unapologetic version of me. You know, it took the oh,
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna be like my grandmother for so many years,
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 1: so I'm just gonna lay down and whatever men do, whatevery,
• 1:09:15
  Speaker 1: you know, I'm just gonna take it, and I'm just
• 1:09:16
  Speaker 1: supposed to still look happy and smile. And then it took.
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 1: It took my daughter's father, which was the worst relationship
• 1:09:24
  Speaker 1: I've ever had in my life. It always refers to
• 1:09:27
  Speaker 1: that relationship as like the whole metamorphosis, metamorphosis process of
• 1:09:32
  Speaker 1: a caterpillar to a butterfly. I don't know if you
• 1:09:34
  Speaker 1: God is familiar, if you're listening, you're not. When a
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 1: caterpillar goes into the cocoon, it literally liquefies itself and
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 1: consumes itself, and then when it you know, that's when
• 1:09:44
  Speaker 1: it rebuilds itself to a completely new insect, which is
• 1:09:47
  Speaker 1: a motterfly. And that is literally what happened to me
• 1:09:50
  Speaker 1: from that relationship and ever since then, that's when I
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 1: really was like, Okay, I think polyamory is for me.
• 1:09:58
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna do I'm gonna do life the way I want,
• 1:10:01
  Speaker 1: and I'm going to require the things I require, and
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna always pick me before you know. Of course,
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 1: not for your kids or something like that, but you know,
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 1: I'm just gonna always kick me in. I don't think
• 1:10:13
  Speaker 1: I can change that. What do you think do you
• 1:10:16
  Speaker 1: think that men have the same grace. You think when
• 1:10:18
  Speaker 1: men make that decision that they are looked upon the
• 1:10:21
  Speaker 1: same as when women make that decision. No, they're definitely
• 1:10:25
  Speaker 1: I think I think in relationships, right, most of the time,
• 1:10:29
  Speaker 1: when when men leave a relationship or step outside or
• 1:10:32
  Speaker 1: the side, men are demonized for that. Like you know
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 1: what I'm going, I'm not I'm not dealing with that boom.
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 1: I don't give I don't care about none of that.
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 1: I'm just going, I'm choosing me. I don't think period
• 1:10:46
  Speaker 1: compared to women. If I'm being technical, it's just the truth.
• 1:10:49
  Speaker 1: I don't think men get as much grace as women
• 1:10:51
  Speaker 1: at all across the board. That's just my just the answer.
• 1:10:56
  Speaker 1: I think the answer um because I agree. I think
• 1:11:00
  Speaker 1: men do get demonized for choosing them, right, I definitely
• 1:11:05
  Speaker 1: agree with that. But I also believe that time heals
• 1:11:11
  Speaker 1: all whom you know. I believe that over time, the
• 1:11:16
  Speaker 1: more consistent you are as a friend, as a father,
• 1:11:19
  Speaker 1: as a whatever, whatever, you know, whatever the role is,
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 1: that over time people will begin to come around everybody
• 1:11:29
  Speaker 1: in the family too. And of course if you just
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 1: if you are dealing with a bitter situation, you just
• 1:11:34
  Speaker 1: it is what it is, but if not, people will
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 1: begin to come around to the idea that you know what,
• 1:11:41
  Speaker 1: now we are a new thing, new unit or new
• 1:11:44
  Speaker 1: in a new space. And perhaps and I think, you know,
• 1:11:49
  Speaker 1: I don't know myself. I don't want to speak you,
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 1: but I would assume that you're saying that if there's
• 1:11:54
  Speaker 1: a man, a friend, or somebody who noticed as well,
• 1:11:56
  Speaker 1: I want to be in a polly relationship. It's not
• 1:12:00
  Speaker 1: that easy for a man to start that conversation because
• 1:12:03
  Speaker 1: once you do, then it's like, oh, see, all men
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 1: you know just want to cheat. I just want what
• 1:12:09
  Speaker 1: is this? So I can see how it's not the
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 1: easiest thing to do. But I believe at least it's
• 1:12:16
  Speaker 1: become it's become more apparent to me over time that
• 1:12:20
  Speaker 1: regardless of what everybody else may feel, the more honest
• 1:12:24
  Speaker 1: we are, the better the results of it later. So
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 1: it's even you're gonna get the ship at the beginning
• 1:12:31
  Speaker 1: or at the end, and then I love that you
• 1:12:35
  Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, and I would prefer I like that.
• 1:12:40
  Speaker 1: I would prefer the ship of working through it in
• 1:12:43
  Speaker 1: the beginning, getting on the same page about what it is,
• 1:12:46
  Speaker 1: so that you can have sort of like a smoother
• 1:12:50
  Speaker 1: smoother because life is life. There's gonna be us and downs,
• 1:12:54
  Speaker 1: but a smoother transition towards the end. And I do
• 1:12:57
  Speaker 1: think that I think my son is a percent right
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 1: the ways in which we have been taught. We live
• 1:13:03
  Speaker 1: in a patriarchal society, that we have been taught certain
• 1:13:07
  Speaker 1: things that are not good for any of us. And
• 1:13:11
  Speaker 1: patriarchy does not mean just men. It means that women
• 1:13:15
  Speaker 1: and men have ideals and and and operate within a
• 1:13:19
  Speaker 1: certain particular, particular mindset that really, for us as black people,
• 1:13:25
  Speaker 1: wasn't even established by us. It was established by white
• 1:13:29
  Speaker 1: folks and the ways in which they see the world.
• 1:13:33
  Speaker 1: And we have operated in that and have perpetuated the
• 1:13:37
  Speaker 1: patriarchy against one another and in our internal relationships. So
• 1:13:42
  Speaker 1: perhaps anogamy is um is not natural if you will.
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 1: I don't think it's not just natural for men. I
• 1:13:49
  Speaker 1: think it may not be not not natural for humans
• 1:13:53
  Speaker 1: in general. But the end result for me comes down
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 1: and the reason why I am very concerned about the
• 1:14:01
  Speaker 1: idea of even saying, oh, I'm in a relationship and
• 1:14:06
  Speaker 1: a marriage and all of that is because the the
• 1:14:11
  Speaker 1: lack of honesty that we all have the nature, the
• 1:14:16
  Speaker 1: natural instinct to lie, wanted to to try to um uh,
• 1:14:23
  Speaker 1: to try to get around dealing with with whatever facing
• 1:14:27
  Speaker 1: whatever our truth is head on. It's too it's dangerous.
• 1:14:31
  Speaker 1: It scarves me on the down low with men who
• 1:14:34
  Speaker 1: are unwilling to say I am who I am and
• 1:14:37
  Speaker 1: I think you know and as i'm I'm thinking about
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 1: and it's coming to me. This is also a problem
• 1:14:44
  Speaker 1: in that area because the same rules apply that people
• 1:14:48
  Speaker 1: who are gay or feel like they may be trans
• 1:14:52
  Speaker 1: or whatever are unable to communicate the truth because once
• 1:14:57
  Speaker 1: they say who they are to the world, they become demonized,
• 1:15:01
  Speaker 1: They become look that funny they be called. They called
• 1:15:06
  Speaker 1: names that they you know, if it's not they're not.
• 1:15:08
  Speaker 1: They don't feel comfortable. So therefore they lie their way
• 1:15:12
  Speaker 1: through some of them and it ends up harming people
• 1:15:16
  Speaker 1: and tearing down families. So for me, I just I
• 1:15:20
  Speaker 1: just want the part for me in my life. I
• 1:15:24
  Speaker 1: just want to try to figure out how do we
• 1:15:27
  Speaker 1: start to make it more normal for people to tell
• 1:15:31
  Speaker 1: their truth. I agree, I think it's fact for conversations
• 1:15:36
  Speaker 1: like these, and we're holding your judgment because nobody tories happy.
• 1:15:44
  Speaker 1: It's the people outside who have something to say about
• 1:15:47
  Speaker 1: tories lifestyle. Right, So we're telling our judgment because it's
• 1:15:51
  Speaker 1: like the old school. If you like it, I love it.
• 1:15:53
  Speaker 1: If that works for you, I'm rooting for you. Send
• 1:15:55
  Speaker 1: me an invitation to the baby show. We're like, because
• 1:15:58
  Speaker 1: it's your life. It's not my place to put myself
• 1:16:02
  Speaker 1: in there. I'm a rock with how I'm looking over here.
• 1:16:05
  Speaker 1: But you do you And I don't think that a
• 1:16:06
  Speaker 1: lot of people take that mindset. There's so much like, oh,
• 1:16:10
  Speaker 1: what Tomika doing, what's her situation over there? What my sons?
• 1:16:14
  Speaker 1: You're in everybody else's business? Exactly? Thank you social media.
• 1:16:19
  Speaker 1: The reality of it is that people base their life
• 1:16:22
  Speaker 1: based on other people's opinions. Right, Yeah, So it's it's
• 1:16:25
  Speaker 1: it's hard. It's not just okay, that was that was
• 1:16:29
  Speaker 1: you got one. That's because more often than not, right,
• 1:16:35
  Speaker 1: there are man, they are women that are living in
• 1:16:37
  Speaker 1: polyamious relationships that they know it is and they're operating
• 1:16:42
  Speaker 1: in that same space already. Right, But the fact that
• 1:16:46
  Speaker 1: you want to touch the nerve with that you might
• 1:16:49
  Speaker 1: and the fact that they acknowledge it and one of
• 1:16:51
  Speaker 1: their girlfriends who might say, oh you stupid girl, and
• 1:16:53
  Speaker 1: that's the same girl that's telling you that her man
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 1: is how he's sucking everybody, and she know it. And
• 1:16:59
  Speaker 1: she ain't trying to mean that's not Polly, is it.
• 1:17:03
  Speaker 1: But what I'm saying, I understand it's not. It's not
• 1:17:06
  Speaker 1: it's not under the same guys as Polly, but the
• 1:17:09
  Speaker 1: reality of situation he is. She is a hundred cent
• 1:17:14
  Speaker 1: aware that her husband is having extra marital relationships outside
• 1:17:19
  Speaker 1: of their home, and she's comfortable with that. Will come
• 1:17:22
  Speaker 1: to you and tell you that you stupid if you
• 1:17:25
  Speaker 1: deal with a polyamorous or your husband or my man
• 1:17:28
  Speaker 1: would never be able to say that. But you know
• 1:17:30
  Speaker 1: that he got five or six chicks that he see
• 1:17:32
  Speaker 1: from here and then he come home to you and
• 1:17:34
  Speaker 1: it's the end. They of no benefit to you. None
• 1:17:36
  Speaker 1: of these chicks off in any bad So it's just
• 1:17:39
  Speaker 1: what I'm trying to say, These things been happening, Like
• 1:17:42
  Speaker 1: I see that I forgot. It's this lady that's on
• 1:17:44
  Speaker 1: lie and she's I think she's like older. I don't
• 1:17:47
  Speaker 1: know where she comes from, but it's a black lady.
• 1:17:49
  Speaker 1: And she was talking about it, and she was talking
• 1:17:51
  Speaker 1: about relations sheps like these things been happening it ain't
• 1:17:54
  Speaker 1: for me to tell a black man not to do
• 1:17:55
  Speaker 1: it or not. I'm just telling you that they happened,
• 1:17:57
  Speaker 1: and then whether you deal with it or not is
• 1:17:59
  Speaker 1: on you. I'm just telling you exactly what's going on.
• 1:18:02
  Speaker 1: And I think that's the space with it is for me.
• 1:18:04
  Speaker 1: It's like, I know I'd be having conversations with dudes
• 1:18:08
  Speaker 1: and I'll be watching dudes and it's I'm not saying nothing,
• 1:18:11
  Speaker 1: but I watch I've watched dudes vives that I know
• 1:18:16
  Speaker 1: it was out here cheating, talking about how my man
• 1:18:18
  Speaker 1: would never be able to do this to me, and
• 1:18:20
  Speaker 1: I swear I don't know what you'll be dealing and
• 1:18:22
  Speaker 1: I'll just be sitting into myself, like this is not
• 1:18:25
  Speaker 1: even a realistic conversation. You don't even under you don't
• 1:18:28
  Speaker 1: even know who you sleep with every night, you don't
• 1:18:31
  Speaker 1: and and but you you passing judgment on somebody else,
• 1:18:34
  Speaker 1: and it's just not realistic. I think that's another thing
• 1:18:37
  Speaker 1: we also have to start doing too. It is like,
• 1:18:39
  Speaker 1: how do we get to a point where because we
• 1:18:42
  Speaker 1: we now are losing babies because they can't handle someone
• 1:18:47
  Speaker 1: else talking about them or saying something negative about them.
• 1:18:51
  Speaker 1: And you know, we got kids, committing suicide and all
• 1:18:55
  Speaker 1: these things, and it's like, how do we get to
• 1:18:57
  Speaker 1: get to the point where, like she just mentioned, and
• 1:19:00
  Speaker 1: I am. I was asked before I came out here,
• 1:19:03
  Speaker 1: are you comfortable talking to about I don't care. Yes,
• 1:19:06
  Speaker 1: I don't care where I'm at. I already know there's
• 1:19:09
  Speaker 1: judgment and already know people are gonna say, but you
• 1:19:12
  Speaker 1: know like that to say, I'm I'm happy with who
• 1:19:15
  Speaker 1: I am in my lifestyle. And there's nothing that nobody
• 1:19:17
  Speaker 1: can say, you know, to me personally to make me
• 1:19:20
  Speaker 1: feel any differently. But like, how do we how do
• 1:19:23
  Speaker 1: we get to that point though, to where everybody is
• 1:19:26
  Speaker 1: like that or more of us are like that? Because
• 1:19:29
  Speaker 1: I wasn't even like this until that toxic relationship, until
• 1:19:34
  Speaker 1: I was done and just through my flag up of
• 1:19:37
  Speaker 1: living my life exactly how everybody told me I was
• 1:19:40
  Speaker 1: supposed to live, exactly by the book. I wasn't happy
• 1:19:44
  Speaker 1: until I decided to just get rid of all that
• 1:19:47
  Speaker 1: and say, you know what I'm gonna I'm gonna have
• 1:19:50
  Speaker 1: my walk with God. I'm going to I'm going to
• 1:19:53
  Speaker 1: live my life the way that I want to live
• 1:19:55
  Speaker 1: in and be happy, and nothing that nobody can say
• 1:19:58
  Speaker 1: can affect me. How do we get how do we
• 1:20:00
  Speaker 1: migrate to that more? Though, I think that's one of
• 1:20:03
  Speaker 1: the bigger problems we do two and three. But I
• 1:20:10
  Speaker 1: want to say one thing. When I look at the
• 1:20:12
  Speaker 1: scrutiny that Will and Jay to get right from whatever
• 1:20:15
  Speaker 1: the dynamics is of their relationship, Yeah, it's so weird
• 1:20:18
  Speaker 1: to me that you look at the level of success
• 1:20:21
  Speaker 1: that they've had together, the way that they communicate, the
• 1:20:24
  Speaker 1: way they've raised their kids, the select the way that
• 1:20:27
  Speaker 1: they've been able to move and to understanding that they've had,
• 1:20:32
  Speaker 1: and people outside who haven't been able to accomplish half
• 1:20:36
  Speaker 1: one third of what they have consit there in past
• 1:20:39
  Speaker 1: judgment on something that they're doing, like Will said, one
• 1:20:42
  Speaker 1: of the real est thing, he said, we're having an
• 1:20:44
  Speaker 1: experiment on relationship that have his person needs to have,
• 1:20:49
  Speaker 1: but they don't even know how to get there. This
• 1:20:51
  Speaker 1: is an experience, this is a reality of it won't
• 1:20:54
  Speaker 1: look it won't look right to everybody else. We're trying
• 1:20:59
  Speaker 1: to We really just trying to figure They're figuring it
• 1:21:01
  Speaker 1: out as they grow, as I grow into an individual,
• 1:21:04
  Speaker 1: He's going to his wife and say, hey, Babe, this
• 1:21:07
  Speaker 1: is who I'm becoming. And as she grows into individuals,
• 1:21:10
  Speaker 1: she's coming to her husband and say, you know what
• 1:21:13
  Speaker 1: this And they're trying to find the device and that
• 1:21:16
  Speaker 1: by still loving and supporting each other and raising their
• 1:21:19
  Speaker 1: kids like it's a dynamic that's not been seen and
• 1:21:22
  Speaker 1: it's and because we've been taught that it's not natural,
• 1:21:25
  Speaker 1: it's not right, that there's something wrong with it. And
• 1:21:28
  Speaker 1: for me, it's just like I don't want I don't
• 1:21:30
  Speaker 1: want to live my life based on somebody else's perception
• 1:21:33
  Speaker 1: of how I should live. But you know, Jada, Jada
• 1:21:36
  Speaker 1: and Will are friends, and I talked to Jada often.
• 1:21:39
  Speaker 1: I would say, to your earlier point, it doesn't just
• 1:21:43
  Speaker 1: I'm sure right and I know, okay for me to say,
• 1:21:47
  Speaker 1: it hasn't always just been you come and communicate to
• 1:21:51
  Speaker 1: me and I come. And they have gone through some
• 1:21:54
  Speaker 1: situations and circumstances where to come out of it, they
• 1:21:57
  Speaker 1: had to be honest about where they are and figure
• 1:22:02
  Speaker 1: out what does the relationship look like going forward, because
• 1:22:05
  Speaker 1: it's no longer this. It now has evolved into this
• 1:22:10
  Speaker 1: other thing in this other space. And again I think
• 1:22:13
  Speaker 1: I just don't know that people have practiced honesty enough
• 1:22:19
  Speaker 1: to be able to accomplish that. I think that the
• 1:22:23
  Speaker 1: fear of what the other person might say or do
• 1:22:27
  Speaker 1: gets in the way of folks being able to just say, listen,
• 1:22:30
  Speaker 1: you know what I decided. You know that I don't
• 1:22:35
  Speaker 1: want I'm not in the space for just being in
• 1:22:40
  Speaker 1: a relationship in this moment with one person. But here's
• 1:22:43
  Speaker 1: the problem that I know, or at least that I feel.
• 1:22:48
  Speaker 1: It's when a woman, when a man says that the
• 1:22:51
  Speaker 1: idea that he may have to deal with a woman
• 1:22:53
  Speaker 1: who returns that, okay, and I also may sleep with
• 1:22:56
  Speaker 1: outside people becomes an oh no, kard, Oh I can't
• 1:23:03
  Speaker 1: it might be a right anything. It's hard to tell
• 1:23:07
  Speaker 1: us yeah, Tori, and and the wait, wait, LaToya hasn't
• 1:23:11
  Speaker 1: been in the conversation, so she's going yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 1:23:15
  Speaker 1: so maybe she's got an opinion on this. You know,
• 1:23:18
  Speaker 1: it's the honest it's the lack of honesty and transparency.
• 1:23:22
  Speaker 1: For me, I do feel like a lot of relationships
• 1:23:25
  Speaker 1: fail because people don't feel like they can be honest
• 1:23:29
  Speaker 1: with their desires. Right, So if you're not honest with
• 1:23:35
  Speaker 1: you know what, I like my nipple to be rubbed
• 1:23:37
  Speaker 1: ten times a day, then you're gonna feel like, you
• 1:23:40
  Speaker 1: know what, I need to go outside and get that fulfilled. Right,
• 1:23:44
  Speaker 1: So when you approach your a new person, you have
• 1:23:49
  Speaker 1: to just it doesn't matter if I'm gonna hurt, You'm
• 1:23:51
  Speaker 1: gonna hurt you. Either you're gonna take it, You're gonna
• 1:23:53
  Speaker 1: work for me, or it's not gonna work at all.
• 1:23:56
  Speaker 1: But give me the opportunity. Tell me what it is
• 1:24:00
  Speaker 1: that you like and dislike, so I can tell you
• 1:24:03
  Speaker 1: this ain't gonna work. I'm not here for that, and
• 1:24:05
  Speaker 1: then we movement, going on separate ways. But also I
• 1:24:09
  Speaker 1: think that people should have the flexibility to change their minds.
• 1:24:13
  Speaker 1: I think that as you grow older, you you change,
• 1:24:18
  Speaker 1: or you evolved, and maybe you didn't like your nipples
• 1:24:21
  Speaker 1: to be rubbed ten years ago, but you know what today,
• 1:24:24
  Speaker 1: that's this is what I want. Can you deliver? Yes
• 1:24:27
  Speaker 1: or no? And if you cannot, are you okay? I
• 1:24:29
  Speaker 1: love you, I love you, I love our foundation, I
• 1:24:33
  Speaker 1: love what we have. But if you're not, if you're
• 1:24:36
  Speaker 1: if you can't fulfill this area, are you okay with
• 1:24:39
  Speaker 1: me going out and getting it fulfilled? Because that is
• 1:24:43
  Speaker 1: what I desire. That's what's gonna make me happy. And
• 1:24:46
  Speaker 1: that's that's it, and what it is for me is
• 1:24:51
  Speaker 1: like and when I'm when I'm thinking about this, right,
• 1:24:53
  Speaker 1: there are a lot of women right that say they'd
• 1:24:55
  Speaker 1: be in their relationships and they're skinned to tell their
• 1:24:59
  Speaker 1: partners of about things they want sexual right. For a man,
• 1:25:03
  Speaker 1: that is the same way. And I want to give
• 1:25:05
  Speaker 1: you the comparison, right, the comparison is the same way
• 1:25:08
  Speaker 1: a man is scared to tell his woman that he
• 1:25:12
  Speaker 1: might want to be with another woman. Right, And and
• 1:25:14
  Speaker 1: y'all say, just be honest, you know, why don't you
• 1:25:17
  Speaker 1: just be honest to say this the same reason that
• 1:25:20
  Speaker 1: women are in relationships that are not sexually satisfied and
• 1:25:23
  Speaker 1: not telling a man that you're not doing this right
• 1:25:25
  Speaker 1: and I want this done this way, and they go
• 1:25:27
  Speaker 1: through years and years of doing that. It's the same,
• 1:25:30
  Speaker 1: it's the same mental it's the same mentality. So when
• 1:25:33
  Speaker 1: you say, why don't you just say, yo, I want
• 1:25:35
  Speaker 1: to do this and that won't you just be honest
• 1:25:37
  Speaker 1: you a man, Well, won't you tell that man that
• 1:25:40
  Speaker 1: he ain't hit in the spot that you want to
• 1:25:42
  Speaker 1: done this way and want and you want it done
• 1:25:43
  Speaker 1: that way? Why you don't have that same energy that
• 1:25:46
  Speaker 1: you have for us to be honest on that side
• 1:25:49
  Speaker 1: and all the time saying yo, we just don't know
• 1:25:52
  Speaker 1: how to say it, We don't want to say it.
• 1:25:54
  Speaker 1: We just feel embarrassed the same way we feel when
• 1:25:58
  Speaker 1: we want to come to you and say, yo, you
• 1:25:59
  Speaker 1: know what, we might want to change the dynamics to
• 1:26:02
  Speaker 1: this relationship. Just I think you have to say it
• 1:26:06
  Speaker 1: like it's this is what I like. Just this is
• 1:26:11
  Speaker 1: what I like, This is what I this is what
• 1:26:12
  Speaker 1: I want to try, this is this would make me happy,
• 1:26:15
  Speaker 1: and maybe it would soften the approach versus you're not
• 1:26:19
  Speaker 1: doing a good job. Yeah, you're you're not hitting the
• 1:26:22
  Speaker 1: spot like you're just you're gonna bruise an ego, you're
• 1:26:25
  Speaker 1: gonna hurt a feeling. You're not here to hurt anyone's feelings.
• 1:26:29
  Speaker 1: You're here to satisfy your desires. You're here to find
• 1:26:32
  Speaker 1: someone that can compliment the things that you like, that
• 1:26:37
  Speaker 1: you want that is also here to make you happy.
• 1:26:40
  Speaker 1: So your conversational approach should be based on this is
• 1:26:45
  Speaker 1: what I desire. Can you fulfill that? Yes? Or no? Yeah?
• 1:26:50
  Speaker 1: It's that is that's the that's the way we're going
• 1:26:54
  Speaker 1: in to say we gotta have a part to it is.
• 1:26:55
  Speaker 1: We're supposed to end this like thirty minutes ago, but
• 1:26:59
  Speaker 1: we was. It was such a good conversation. I'm glad
• 1:27:01
  Speaker 1: that you came back up, Latoria to give that because
• 1:27:04
  Speaker 1: that that right there has summed it up so well.
• 1:27:06
  Speaker 1: For me, it's evolution and understanding that everyone is going
• 1:27:10
  Speaker 1: to grow and change and want different things and relationships.
• 1:27:14
  Speaker 1: And for me, I tell people all the time that
• 1:27:16
  Speaker 1: relationships are the only thing that people want you to
• 1:27:18
  Speaker 1: do for the rest of your life. There is nothing
• 1:27:20
  Speaker 1: else that you're supposed to do for the rest of
• 1:27:22
  Speaker 1: your life with want nothing else, nothing else in the world.
• 1:27:25
  Speaker 1: So there has to be a level of grace that's
• 1:27:27
  Speaker 1: like nothing else, you know, it has to be a reality.
• 1:27:30
  Speaker 1: So I want to thank you, you woman for coming
• 1:27:33
  Speaker 1: on your beautiful melanated queens with different perspectives and ideologies,
• 1:27:37
  Speaker 1: but you're all beautiful in your own rank. And I
• 1:27:40
  Speaker 1: love the confidence that you all exude. You know, it's
• 1:27:44
  Speaker 1: beautiful for me. So you know, I appreciate this dialogue
• 1:27:48
  Speaker 1: and being able to get, you know, get my little
• 1:27:51
  Speaker 1: point of views and y'all shut me here down, here
• 1:27:53
  Speaker 1: and there. But I appreciate it definitely appreciate. Thank you,
• 1:27:59
  Speaker 1: Thanks everyone, right, it was nice seeing y'all. Thank you
• 1:28:02
  Speaker 1: so much. Ladies little we have to have you back
• 1:28:04
  Speaker 1: because you didn't get to be with us. I had
• 1:28:07
  Speaker 1: so many things to tell about. Asked me about my
• 1:28:11
  Speaker 1: my panty colors last night. I'm just like, listen, we're
• 1:28:14
  Speaker 1: doing a party. We gotta get into absolutely maybe it'll
• 1:28:20
  Speaker 1: actually be next week and we need to throw a
• 1:28:23
  Speaker 1: guy in two and say this, Ubjay need to stop
• 1:28:26
  Speaker 1: my partner in. He got a lot of stay, let's
• 1:28:29
  Speaker 1: do it. Let's do it. Thank you all so much.
• 1:28:32
  Speaker 1: All right, bye, bye y'all, bye everybody. So we have
• 1:28:39
  Speaker 1: to do part one to three, four and six of
• 1:28:42
  Speaker 1: this show. The conversation, Man, it's dialogue that needs to
• 1:28:46
  Speaker 1: be had. It's actually, you know, thought processes that it
• 1:28:51
  Speaker 1: happened every day, is reality that's happening every day. And
• 1:28:54
  Speaker 1: people don't want to have these conversations because it's kind
• 1:28:58
  Speaker 1: of like taboo, you know, to talk about it. Yeah,
• 1:29:02
  Speaker 1: it's taboo, and I get it, But I think that
• 1:29:08
  Speaker 1: it's not as taboo as people make it. I really don't.
• 1:29:12
  Speaker 1: I think we were living in a time where it
• 1:29:15
  Speaker 1: could be much more. It could be much easier than
• 1:29:18
  Speaker 1: people are ready for. I think men are actually not
• 1:29:22
  Speaker 1: as prepared as you all think. Some men, excuse me,
• 1:29:26
  Speaker 1: are not as prepared as you all think for how
• 1:29:31
  Speaker 1: more progressive women are. I think we just at this
• 1:29:36
  Speaker 1: point in our lives, we just don't want to be
• 1:29:38
  Speaker 1: lied to. We um we want to have equal rights,
• 1:29:45
  Speaker 1: if you will, and we also want to be respected
• 1:29:51
  Speaker 1: all around right in other ways. That and I think
• 1:29:55
  Speaker 1: there's so much emphasis put on people having sex with
• 1:29:59
  Speaker 1: other people that it gets in the way of being
• 1:30:02
  Speaker 1: able to have just you know, conversations and and and
• 1:30:06
  Speaker 1: deal with like like working through problems in a relationship
• 1:30:12
  Speaker 1: that might not just be about infidelity. That's my opinion.
• 1:30:16
  Speaker 1: I don't get it. I just don't you know what
• 1:30:26
  Speaker 1: I don't get. And I was just in there thinking,
• 1:30:29
  Speaker 1: I don't get why relationship communications are so hard, Like
• 1:30:36
  Speaker 1: it's really it's what they are. Like you just said,
• 1:30:39
  Speaker 1: we you know, men are don't realize how progressive women are.
• 1:30:44
  Speaker 1: But when you have these conversations, because I have conversations
• 1:30:48
  Speaker 1: with women all the time that seemed to be progressive
• 1:30:50
  Speaker 1: and talk and they they the pushback from you saying
• 1:30:54
  Speaker 1: a sense of reality is so it's so, and I'm
• 1:30:57
  Speaker 1: a confident man. You have conversations with me. Yeah, No,
• 1:31:07
  Speaker 1: but that's not that is not accurate when they tell
• 1:31:13
  Speaker 1: you about the realities and men. No, it's not about
• 1:31:16
  Speaker 1: the realities of relationships. Well, okay, let me zoom out.
• 1:31:21
  Speaker 1: The zoom out is that you may be a hundred
• 1:31:24
  Speaker 1: percent right that we all were triggered by certain things, right,
• 1:31:30
  Speaker 1: because the reality is that we all have been taught
• 1:31:34
  Speaker 1: things that stick with us. Right. So, so we've been
• 1:31:37
  Speaker 1: taught that a man that's out there um sleeping with
• 1:31:42
  Speaker 1: or you know, having certain types of relationships with other
• 1:31:45
  Speaker 1: women is threatening and whatever we've you know, we've we've
• 1:31:48
  Speaker 1: all been taught certain things. You know, a man don't
• 1:31:51
  Speaker 1: have no respect for you if he's doing X, Y
• 1:31:52
  Speaker 1: Z thing. But I think that in in most conversations
• 1:31:57
  Speaker 1: and situations that I have either been a part of
• 1:32:01
  Speaker 1: when we all have been debating, and or conversations that
• 1:32:05
  Speaker 1: I have with other people that run much deeper and different, Right,
• 1:32:11
  Speaker 1: it's the lie. It's the lie. It's when I'm talking
• 1:32:15
  Speaker 1: to women oftentimes, because let me tell you something. The
• 1:32:19
  Speaker 1: thing I've realized is that the men who have been honest,
• 1:32:25
  Speaker 1: it might be again difficult, it might be a struggle
• 1:32:29
  Speaker 1: to get through whatever, but after a while, everybody even
• 1:32:33
  Speaker 1: falls in place. Everybody falls in place. I think I
• 1:32:37
  Speaker 1: think that's I think that's a process. Right. It's like this,
• 1:32:43
  Speaker 1: It's like going through prison ten years right before before
• 1:32:49
  Speaker 1: you go to prison, right and you're like, yo, I
• 1:32:51
  Speaker 1: think you don't want to go to jail. Nobody wants
• 1:32:53
  Speaker 1: to go to jail. But right when you when you
• 1:32:55
  Speaker 1: live a certain life and you do certain ships and
• 1:32:58
  Speaker 1: jail comes, you know you gotta deal with it, right,
• 1:33:01
  Speaker 1: you know, fucking I gotta deal. And after you get
• 1:33:04
  Speaker 1: through the prison sense, you're like, you know what, it
• 1:33:07
  Speaker 1: was tough. I did my thing. I've learned from it.
• 1:33:10
  Speaker 1: It made me into a better person, and you come
• 1:33:12
  Speaker 1: out with a different sense of understanding. I think that's
• 1:33:16
  Speaker 1: the same thing when it comes to relationships and threshing
• 1:33:19
  Speaker 1: in regard to men being honest about certain ships with women, right,
• 1:33:23
  Speaker 1: because what happens is you meet women under certain pretense, right,
• 1:33:27
  Speaker 1: a certain pretense, and then even when you meet women
• 1:33:30
  Speaker 1: under certain pretense, you can meet a woman and say, yo,
• 1:33:32
  Speaker 1: you know, I'm just we're just dating. I ain't really
• 1:33:34
  Speaker 1: trying to do not serious, and the woman changed the
• 1:33:38
  Speaker 1: dynamic of that. Well, okay, we're cool here, let's hang out,
• 1:33:40
  Speaker 1: and after two or three months we're good. We're having
• 1:33:42
  Speaker 1: a good touch of you know what, I'm trying to
• 1:33:45
  Speaker 1: be serious. I'm looking for a husband. Now, now you
• 1:33:48
  Speaker 1: like the woman, you like day and now you like
• 1:33:50
  Speaker 1: all the ship they come with it. So now you
• 1:33:52
  Speaker 1: forced into giving her either saying I need all right,
• 1:33:55
  Speaker 1: I'm looking I'm trying. I want to try this. Then
• 1:33:58
  Speaker 1: once you say that and you don't do it, you're
• 1:34:01
  Speaker 1: a liar. So you're like, so this is what I'm
• 1:34:04
  Speaker 1: trying to tell you. So you you so, But what
• 1:34:09
  Speaker 1: I understand what you're saying? Right, But man, men know
• 1:34:12
  Speaker 1: it's like a quagmire. It's like the person that that
• 1:34:17
  Speaker 1: works at a job and they said, yo, you either
• 1:34:20
  Speaker 1: got you gotta get the vaccine or you don't, or
• 1:34:23
  Speaker 1: you gotta lose your job. I don't want to lose
• 1:34:25
  Speaker 1: my job, right, I don't want to, But I don't
• 1:34:28
  Speaker 1: really want to get the vaccine either. Right, So you're
• 1:34:30
  Speaker 1: trying to move all around. You got niggas line and
• 1:34:32
  Speaker 1: said you got Brett from saying I mean um a
• 1:34:35
  Speaker 1: ra saying yeah, I had the vaccine because he didn't
• 1:34:37
  Speaker 1: want to be received a certain way, but even want
• 1:34:39
  Speaker 1: to get the vaccine, and he wanted to keep his
• 1:34:41
  Speaker 1: job and he wanted to keep faith with everybody else. Right,
• 1:34:44
  Speaker 1: There's it's not as easy as everybody makes it seem.
• 1:34:47
  Speaker 1: It's like over funking. You don't want to get the vaccine,
• 1:34:49
  Speaker 1: you just lose the job. You can work somewhere else. No,
• 1:34:52
  Speaker 1: and I get it. And you're like, I didn't do
• 1:34:53
  Speaker 1: all this stuff to get this job. I didn't even
• 1:34:56
  Speaker 1: with the school for four eight years. I did all
• 1:34:58
  Speaker 1: this ship and I got this job. And now the
• 1:35:00
  Speaker 1: requirement is now you gotta get a vaccine. Right, we
• 1:35:04
  Speaker 1: don't like we've been dating. We did all this ship
• 1:35:06
  Speaker 1: and then you're like, you know what, either we're gonna
• 1:35:09
  Speaker 1: get married or I'm gonna I'm gonna move on, or
• 1:35:11
  Speaker 1: either you're gonna be with this and that it's it's
• 1:35:14
  Speaker 1: it's not as simple as you may. I know that
• 1:35:16
  Speaker 1: it may not be, but I think that if we
• 1:35:19
  Speaker 1: want to solve for X, which is the divorce rates
• 1:35:24
  Speaker 1: and the destruction of the black community, then we've got
• 1:35:27
  Speaker 1: to start somewhere. And at the end of the day.
• 1:35:31
  Speaker 1: We can't. We cannot have relationships that are rooted in
• 1:35:38
  Speaker 1: people trying being dishonest in order to keep it going
• 1:35:42
  Speaker 1: as it can. Ask your question, do you think it's
• 1:35:44
  Speaker 1: dishonest right that if you you meet a man, you
• 1:35:47
  Speaker 1: know that you ultimately want to get married, right, but
• 1:35:50
  Speaker 1: you don't tell a man that. They tell you, look,
• 1:35:52
  Speaker 1: I ain't really trying to get married, none of that ship.
• 1:35:54
  Speaker 1: I've just did it. And you're like, all right, cool,
• 1:35:56
  Speaker 1: we just did it. And in six or eight months
• 1:35:59
  Speaker 1: down the line, don't date that you're having the best
• 1:36:01
  Speaker 1: relationship if you know the Lord of men and you do.
• 1:36:04
  Speaker 1: You already said you wasn't he was cool whatever he was,
• 1:36:07
  Speaker 1: and then you, after eight months you decided to say,
• 1:36:10
  Speaker 1: you know what, I think I want to be married.
• 1:36:12
  Speaker 1: If you don't want to get married, it's cool, it's cool.
• 1:36:17
  Speaker 1: That's not being a liar. I'm gonna tell you why.
• 1:36:21
  Speaker 1: It's not. I'm gonna tell you why. Okay, I'm gonna
• 1:36:24
  Speaker 1: tell you what the lie I explain it to you. Okay.
• 1:36:30
  Speaker 1: The liars in that you said you didn't want to
• 1:36:34
  Speaker 1: get married, but she never really doesn't happen. Most women
• 1:36:37
  Speaker 1: they come and say, I would like to get married,
• 1:36:38
  Speaker 1: But if you don't want to, that's okay. That's not
• 1:36:41
  Speaker 1: going to stop me from being in this relationship. Okay.
• 1:36:44
  Speaker 1: So the man knows in the back of his mind
• 1:36:46
  Speaker 1: she would want to. I'm not trying to just let
• 1:36:50
  Speaker 1: me finish. He knows in the back of his mind
• 1:36:52
  Speaker 1: she wants you, but she said she doesn't. She knows
• 1:36:54
  Speaker 1: that I'm adamantly against it. Okay, then six of mon
• 1:37:00
  Speaker 1: sent to the relationship. What would be a lie is
• 1:37:04
  Speaker 1: if she goes and gets married outside the relationship to
• 1:37:08
  Speaker 1: somebody else and is playing games with you, using you
• 1:37:12
  Speaker 1: for using the man for his house, his car, his money,
• 1:37:16
  Speaker 1: his time, his sex, his whatever, and not telling him
• 1:37:21
  Speaker 1: that she actually either has a husband or another relationship
• 1:37:25
  Speaker 1: that she's in with somebody that does want to get married.
• 1:37:28
  Speaker 1: The honest thing to do is to say, at the
• 1:37:31
  Speaker 1: six month point, when you feel like I need to
• 1:37:34
  Speaker 1: get married, is to come and say, hey, I have
• 1:37:38
  Speaker 1: had a change of heart. I know I said when
• 1:37:41
  Speaker 1: we started this that I did not want to get married,
• 1:37:44
  Speaker 1: or that I was okay with us not being married,
• 1:37:47
  Speaker 1: but that has now changed for me. Are you in
• 1:37:50
  Speaker 1: the same space, because if not, I am going to
• 1:37:54
  Speaker 1: start the process of finding who is for me in
• 1:37:59
  Speaker 1: this new phase of my life. But it is not
• 1:38:02
  Speaker 1: okay for her to go out behind his back because
• 1:38:06
  Speaker 1: guess what he may have decided in the last six
• 1:38:09
  Speaker 1: months that I would like to marry you or I'm
• 1:38:13
  Speaker 1: open to it. Now. Now we can start building our
• 1:38:16
  Speaker 1: credit together and thinking of things that we need to
• 1:38:20
  Speaker 1: do to get ready for the proper marriage. But it's
• 1:38:23
  Speaker 1: not okay for me to go and start something else
• 1:38:27
  Speaker 1: and not give the person that I'm with the opportunity
• 1:38:30
  Speaker 1: to understand things have changed with me. So that's what
• 1:38:35
  Speaker 1: I'm talking about. The lie, it's the deceit. It's the deceit.
• 1:38:40
  Speaker 1: This is what I'm trying to say. I don't know
• 1:38:42
  Speaker 1: how you got to come back to that because you
• 1:38:46
  Speaker 1: just brought a whole another scenario and decided that I
• 1:38:48
  Speaker 1: was Excuse me, I didn't me. I did not create
• 1:38:54
  Speaker 1: a scenario about it. Excuse me, I responded to us
• 1:38:59
  Speaker 1: a scenario that was created for me. I didn't bring
• 1:39:03
  Speaker 1: up I don't want to get married. I want to
• 1:39:06
  Speaker 1: get married. Okay, So you act like you know that's
• 1:39:10
  Speaker 1: not a similar situations because it's not like a man
• 1:39:13
  Speaker 1: is dating you and say he don't want to get married,
• 1:39:15
  Speaker 1: he's going to marry somebody else. And they said, oh
• 1:39:17
  Speaker 1: I changed. Excuse me, excuse me. There are many bums
• 1:39:24
  Speaker 1: out here who are in one relationship with a whole
• 1:39:29
  Speaker 1: other wife and children across town or in another state.
• 1:39:33
  Speaker 1: They haven't on the Lifetime movies every damn night. What
• 1:39:36
  Speaker 1: I'm saying, my son, I was talking about what you said.
• 1:39:41
  Speaker 1: Is it a lie when somebody says when they get
• 1:39:45
  Speaker 1: with you they don't want to get married, knowing good
• 1:39:48
  Speaker 1: and well, they actually do and then they lure you
• 1:39:51
  Speaker 1: in and they do all the things, and didn't they change?
• 1:39:54
  Speaker 1: And what I'm saying to you is that that what
• 1:39:57
  Speaker 1: the problem with that scenario is that, for the most part,
• 1:40:00
  Speaker 1: very similar to what you have said. It's more than
• 1:40:04
  Speaker 1: likely not that they're trying to lord you win. It's
• 1:40:07
  Speaker 1: that in the beginning, it seems feasible, right, it seems
• 1:40:11
  Speaker 1: when you first meet a woman, a man look at
• 1:40:14
  Speaker 1: you just just just hear me out. Hear me out,
• 1:40:21
  Speaker 1: because I'm going with your example, so we could be
• 1:40:24
  Speaker 1: on the same page. When a man first meets a
• 1:40:29
  Speaker 1: woman's year one, year two, whatever y'all are hanging doing,
• 1:40:34
  Speaker 1: going feeling each other. It's all good. She ain't got
• 1:40:37
  Speaker 1: as many expectations, problems, arguments, this, that, all of that.
• 1:40:41
  Speaker 1: I get it. It's all it's different. It's just new.
• 1:40:45
  Speaker 1: It's fresh. It's like the new pair of shoes. It's
• 1:40:47
  Speaker 1: the whole thing. You stunt and you fly, it's it's amazing.
• 1:40:51
  Speaker 1: Right over time you say, damn, I love her, And
• 1:40:58
  Speaker 1: I really was considered that this could be somebody that
• 1:41:02
  Speaker 1: I don't want to sleep with nobody else because she
• 1:41:04
  Speaker 1: got the good this and a good ad and a
• 1:41:07
  Speaker 1: good good gush. She's all at okay. So I'm feeling it.
• 1:41:11
  Speaker 1: But as time goes on, people get older, things change,
• 1:41:14
  Speaker 1: Your body change. This happened, that happens. All kinds of
• 1:41:16
  Speaker 1: things happen, and then you start saying the urge to
• 1:41:20
  Speaker 1: go out and have some of the other things that
• 1:41:24
  Speaker 1: you've learned about yourself. LaToya says the nipple rubbing, the
• 1:41:28
  Speaker 1: whole thing or whatever, it may change. What I'm saying
• 1:41:32
  Speaker 1: is that even if you go back to that person
• 1:41:35
  Speaker 1: at that moment and say to them, hey, I've changed,
• 1:41:38
  Speaker 1: you know, like you said, lower them in or whatever,
• 1:41:40
  Speaker 1: I now want my nipples rubbed. I want this. I
• 1:41:42
  Speaker 1: want that. I don't think that's a lie. I don't
• 1:41:45
  Speaker 1: think it's a lie. I think that that is I
• 1:41:47
  Speaker 1: grew or I learned, or I figured out or whatever,
• 1:41:50
  Speaker 1: and now I want to do something different. I'm saying
• 1:41:53
  Speaker 1: the lie is to go get your nipple rubbed by
• 1:41:56
  Speaker 1: Lisa and not or Mark and not tell Laurie who
• 1:42:01
  Speaker 1: you actually are with that I need Lisa now to
• 1:42:04
  Speaker 1: rub my nephew. That's what I'm talking about. That's the lie.
• 1:42:07
  Speaker 1: But I'm not saying we already we've already acknowledged that part, right,
• 1:42:10
  Speaker 1: that the part of when you get in the relationship
• 1:42:13
  Speaker 1: and you go cheat on the person outside, We've already
• 1:42:15
  Speaker 1: acknowledged that that is a lie. Right, I'm talking about
• 1:42:18
  Speaker 1: the content of the relationships, right, How people enter into
• 1:42:22
  Speaker 1: relations I'm not talking about how would he when it
• 1:42:24
  Speaker 1: gets to a place and an evolved Right, I'm talking
• 1:42:27
  Speaker 1: about how people into People come into the relationship, Like
• 1:42:31
  Speaker 1: women are saying, men come into relationship line, no, they
• 1:42:33
  Speaker 1: don't have any real expectations of ship, right, And women
• 1:42:37
  Speaker 1: come into relationship with the same thing. They lie and
• 1:42:39
  Speaker 1: act like they don't have expectation what they do. So
• 1:42:42
  Speaker 1: everybody is trying to trick somebody, right, everybody likes the
• 1:42:46
  Speaker 1: person you look down like this dude. And I know
• 1:42:48
  Speaker 1: if I say that I want to get married, it
• 1:42:49
  Speaker 1: might scare him away. So I'm gonna I'm gonna play
• 1:42:51
  Speaker 1: along with him, hoping that you know, eventually he'll want
• 1:42:54
  Speaker 1: to get married on his own. When he doesn't want
• 1:42:56
  Speaker 1: to get married on his own, then I'm gonna say,
• 1:42:59
  Speaker 1: fucking I gonna try to maybe do something else right,
• 1:43:02
  Speaker 1: and I might be dating. I might still want to
• 1:43:04
  Speaker 1: keep him and start dating up seeing if I see something,
• 1:43:06
  Speaker 1: if I see a better deal, and the NYGN trying
• 1:43:08
  Speaker 1: to get married, I might go get married. That might
• 1:43:10
  Speaker 1: be the mentality that women have. So what I'm trying
• 1:43:13
  Speaker 1: to say is men get in relationships saying I don't
• 1:43:15
  Speaker 1: want to get married, and the woman says, yo, you know,
• 1:43:18
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to get married at a certain amount of time, right,
• 1:43:22
  Speaker 1: And it is that that's not really what I want
• 1:43:24
  Speaker 1: to do. But I'm gonna tell her that's what I
• 1:43:25
  Speaker 1: wanna do. You know, I want this relationship becoming not yea.
• 1:43:28
  Speaker 1: I know he was just dating and it was cool
• 1:43:30
  Speaker 1: before and all the rest of the ship. I didn't
• 1:43:31
  Speaker 1: care if you were seeing it, but now I care
• 1:43:34
  Speaker 1: like I'm caring now, right, so everything the dynamics change.
• 1:43:38
  Speaker 1: You don't want to lose that. That's what all I'm
• 1:43:41
  Speaker 1: saying is what I if we go, if you enter
• 1:43:44
  Speaker 1: in the relationship, when if we go back to the premise, No,
• 1:43:48
  Speaker 1: because even you have said that in our lives, the
• 1:43:53
  Speaker 1: things I did when I was sixteen don't work for
• 1:43:56
  Speaker 1: me at right. So the only thing I'm responsible for
• 1:44:01
  Speaker 1: my son is being honest that something has changed in me.
• 1:44:06
  Speaker 1: That's it. The thing is that the reason why we
• 1:44:11
  Speaker 1: have such a breakdown is because of exactly what Terror
• 1:44:16
  Speaker 1: was saying, the lack of communication. People do not communicate
• 1:44:22
  Speaker 1: their true I'm not saying that it's not on both sides.
• 1:44:25
  Speaker 1: I'm just saying that there's you don't necessarily know when
• 1:44:29
  Speaker 1: you start something how you're gonna be in the middle
• 1:44:32
  Speaker 1: and in the possible end or later on. We don't know, right,
• 1:44:37
  Speaker 1: We learn as we go. And I'm I'm only suggesting
• 1:44:42
  Speaker 1: that most times men, because of some men have in
• 1:44:48
  Speaker 1: their minds the preconceived notions of what they have experienced. Right,
• 1:44:53
  Speaker 1: so they don't you tell this woman this or that,
• 1:44:56
  Speaker 1: adding the third it could turn into this and this
• 1:44:59
  Speaker 1: and that in the third But I'm just trying to
• 1:45:01
  Speaker 1: I'm I'm saying to you that more women are uh,
• 1:45:06
  Speaker 1: what's the word, more women are progressive in their mindset,
• 1:45:10
  Speaker 1: then they're being given credit for. But they're not dealing
• 1:45:13
  Speaker 1: with honest people. And what is very unfortunate is that
• 1:45:20
  Speaker 1: a lot of is that a lot of our men,
• 1:45:22
  Speaker 1: a lot of our men will not even admit to
• 1:45:26
  Speaker 1: the fact that they just start offline. They that a
• 1:45:29
  Speaker 1: lot of men. But that's what we're going to say.
• 1:45:32
  Speaker 1: But that's what that's what you just said is the
• 1:45:35
  Speaker 1: whole premise of my what I was saying to you, right,
• 1:45:38
  Speaker 1: a lot of our would because you come from a
• 1:45:40
  Speaker 1: perspective where a lot of men start off line. You're
• 1:45:43
  Speaker 1: not saying that not a woman start off line. A
• 1:45:46
  Speaker 1: lot of women come into a situation knowing that they
• 1:45:50
  Speaker 1: want more from a man than they actually get it,
• 1:45:52
  Speaker 1: and they're willing to play a role to try to
• 1:45:55
  Speaker 1: lower that man to get to what they want. That's
• 1:45:57
  Speaker 1: that's a lot to me. But that's not but that,
• 1:45:59
  Speaker 1: But my Sonne, that's life. Myson. Listen, you start a
• 1:46:05
  Speaker 1: job right as a cashier. You're not coming to the
• 1:46:09
  Speaker 1: job as a cashier to stay in the cashier's rape forever.
• 1:46:12
  Speaker 1: You come into the job saying I'm gonna be the
• 1:46:15
  Speaker 1: best cashier I can be, because eventually I want to
• 1:46:19
  Speaker 1: get on the floor, and after that I want to
• 1:46:22
  Speaker 1: become a manager, and after manager, I want to become
• 1:46:25
  Speaker 1: the regional manager, and then I want to go to
• 1:46:28
  Speaker 1: the court. But but what But what I'm saying is
• 1:46:32
  Speaker 1: they tell you, but listen, listen, listen. They might tell
• 1:46:36
  Speaker 1: you the only position we have available for you as cashier,
• 1:46:43
  Speaker 1: and you know what you do. You go there and
• 1:46:45
  Speaker 1: you say, Okay, no problem, I'm going here and I'm
• 1:46:48
  Speaker 1: gonna focus on being a cashier. But you hope that
• 1:46:51
  Speaker 1: they will notice and say I can make a new
• 1:46:54
  Speaker 1: position for this great cashier that we had. That's not
• 1:46:58
  Speaker 1: a lie. That's aspiration. Ship, that's aspiration. I'm not sure
• 1:47:02
  Speaker 1: how you can compare somebody that, in your face, is
• 1:47:07
  Speaker 1: working at becoming better so that they can be moved
• 1:47:11
  Speaker 1: up in the ladder in your life to somebody that,
• 1:47:16
  Speaker 1: because of whatever, never tells you but goals around your back.
• 1:47:20
  Speaker 1: And that's not what we're seeing. That's not what you're
• 1:47:24
  Speaker 1: talking about. You keep talking about the cheating part. I'm
• 1:47:28
  Speaker 1: not even talking about that. I'm talking about the dynamic
• 1:47:30
  Speaker 1: of going into a relationship. I'm not talking about cheating.
• 1:47:34
  Speaker 1: I'm talking about if you enter, if you enter into
• 1:47:37
  Speaker 1: a relationship, right, it's just like, so, what I'm trying
• 1:47:40
  Speaker 1: to tell you is if the cashier right is a
• 1:47:44
  Speaker 1: niked that's dating outside, you're just dating and it you're
• 1:47:46
  Speaker 1: having a good time. You don't know what you do
• 1:47:47
  Speaker 1: on Wednesdays, Friday, and Saturdays. You might see him Tuesdays
• 1:47:50
  Speaker 1: and Mondays. Right, dynamics him hanging with you on Tuesdays
• 1:47:54
  Speaker 1: and Monday said, Look, I'm not trying to really be
• 1:47:56
  Speaker 1: in a relationship. I like you be cool and you're like,
• 1:47:58
  Speaker 1: all right, cool, I'm doo with that. We start dating
• 1:48:01
  Speaker 1: more good that? Okay, So listen to what I'm saying.
• 1:48:04
  Speaker 1: You was good with that, you're dating. He ain't lied
• 1:48:08
  Speaker 1: to you. He told you so when you've come and
• 1:48:12
  Speaker 1: you decided to change the dynamics because of change for you,
• 1:48:16
  Speaker 1: or if you already had it or you thought you
• 1:48:18
  Speaker 1: had assirations like I'm just gonna play this role because eventually, nigger,
• 1:48:22
  Speaker 1: he gonna be with me because I know and I'm
• 1:48:23
  Speaker 1: showing that I'm worthy of getting that's you know what
• 1:48:26
  Speaker 1: that is? You know what that is? You know what
• 1:48:28
  Speaker 1: that is. This is what I'm saying to you. Not
• 1:48:31
  Speaker 1: enough people take responsibility for self right when we're having conversations.
• 1:48:37
  Speaker 1: Our conversations is always based upon somebody else's whatever which
• 1:48:42
  Speaker 1: makes us be and do. At the point that a
• 1:48:45
  Speaker 1: person communicates to you that I need more or I
• 1:48:49
  Speaker 1: want something different, you then have the ability to walk away.
• 1:48:56
  Speaker 1: This is the problem up to you with that point
• 1:48:59
  Speaker 1: to say that is not what I want, and therefore
• 1:49:04
  Speaker 1: I am exiting the building at the because guess what
• 1:49:08
  Speaker 1: I'm doing. I am communicating that things have changed for me.
• 1:49:13
  Speaker 1: I'm telling you I now want to get married, I
• 1:49:17
  Speaker 1: now want to have a baby. I now want to
• 1:49:20
  Speaker 1: be in a committed relationship. I now don't want to
• 1:49:23
  Speaker 1: be sleeping with everybody. I now. I'm saying that I
• 1:49:27
  Speaker 1: am communicating the changes within me. But what I'm trying
• 1:49:32
  Speaker 1: to tell you is one when you communicated the changes
• 1:49:35
  Speaker 1: within you, after you've already created a level of stability
• 1:49:40
  Speaker 1: and life for the individual, it's a lot harder. It's
• 1:49:44
  Speaker 1: way harder for that individual to just say, you know what,
• 1:49:48
  Speaker 1: I understand those changes, but I'm not. But life is hard.
• 1:49:54
  Speaker 1: But I hear you. What I'm trying to tell you
• 1:49:56
  Speaker 1: is just like the vaccine, the negative work for you,
• 1:49:59
  Speaker 1: and I get it. But if you don't learn that,
• 1:50:03
  Speaker 1: you don't you know what you don't learn. Just like
• 1:50:04
  Speaker 1: you said, a lot of women's men don't know that
• 1:50:07
  Speaker 1: until they actually go through it and you realize that
• 1:50:09
  Speaker 1: I'd rather be the nigga that the chick is mad
• 1:50:12
  Speaker 1: because she didn't do this or I didn't do it
• 1:50:14
  Speaker 1: and I was honest with her to being a nigga
• 1:50:16
  Speaker 1: that she said a lot to it, and then you
• 1:50:18
  Speaker 1: you start to get to that point, and then you
• 1:50:19
  Speaker 1: can you can relay that message because that's not the
• 1:50:22
  Speaker 1: message that's been related. That's why I think that the
• 1:50:24
  Speaker 1: whole point of this episode and the series that we're
• 1:50:28
  Speaker 1: focused on, had should we we need to delve into
• 1:50:33
  Speaker 1: that because the truth of the matter is that we
• 1:50:37
  Speaker 1: have to take responsibility no matter how hard things are.
• 1:50:40
  Speaker 1: And just because something is hard does not mean that
• 1:50:43
  Speaker 1: we get to lie. We have to be honest with
• 1:50:46
  Speaker 1: ourselves and the people around us about what it is
• 1:50:50
  Speaker 1: that we feel. That's it and I'm and that doesn't
• 1:50:53
  Speaker 1: stand for it's not Larry's job to be honest. It's
• 1:50:57
  Speaker 1: not so it's the people that's in a real relationship.
• 1:51:00
  Speaker 1: It's their job to be honest with one another. And
• 1:51:04
  Speaker 1: when you and I think you're right, we do as
• 1:51:07
  Speaker 1: women debate and switch. That's what you're talking about, baiting
• 1:51:10
  Speaker 1: a man in and then switching to something different at
• 1:51:14
  Speaker 1: a later time. But it is, it's it. But I
• 1:51:19
  Speaker 1: think that to assume that anyone is gonna stay stagnant
• 1:51:23
  Speaker 1: in the same place forever, it's it's it's foolish, just
• 1:51:27
  Speaker 1: like men will some men will say it's foolish to
• 1:51:31
  Speaker 1: believe that a man is only going to be interested
• 1:51:35
  Speaker 1: in one woman for the rest of his life. Right,
• 1:51:39
  Speaker 1: He's gonna see other things. He's gonna get excited by others,
• 1:51:43
  Speaker 1: and there will be times when he's not necessarily excited
• 1:51:46
  Speaker 1: by you. Of course you passed by one day he
• 1:51:49
  Speaker 1: gets the whiff of the smell and be like, damn,
• 1:51:50
  Speaker 1: I love my friend, partner, wife, because you know whatever
• 1:51:54
  Speaker 1: it is. But I'm just saying that, no matter how
• 1:51:57
  Speaker 1: difficult it is, I don't think they're people should stay
• 1:52:00
  Speaker 1: in one place. I think everybody has the right to
• 1:52:04
  Speaker 1: say what I was at eighteen, I'm not anymore at five.
• 1:52:08
  Speaker 1: And now therefore I'm I'm communicating that they are changes
• 1:52:13
  Speaker 1: that have been made. But I'm just would to say,
• 1:52:15
  Speaker 1: I hear what you're saying. But it's just when you
• 1:52:18
  Speaker 1: do that to a man, or when you do that
• 1:52:20
  Speaker 1: to anybody, it's not easy. For It's like, you create
• 1:52:23
  Speaker 1: a whole family with a person, you got kids, you've
• 1:52:27
  Speaker 1: got bank accounts, and said, you know what, I don't
• 1:52:29
  Speaker 1: really want to be married no more. So you need
• 1:52:32
  Speaker 1: to figure out what you're gonna do. You need to
• 1:52:34
  Speaker 1: figure out what you gonna do. You need to figure
• 1:52:36
  Speaker 1: out what you're gonna do, because all this ship that
• 1:52:37
  Speaker 1: we don't you know, y'all figure out what you're gonna do.
• 1:52:40
  Speaker 1: It changed for me. If you're in a relationship with
• 1:52:42
  Speaker 1: somebody in six or seven months yet to build some ship,
• 1:52:45
  Speaker 1: you gotta a rhythm that all the ship going. And
• 1:52:48
  Speaker 1: it's like, it's like, then this is on a trajectory.
• 1:52:50
  Speaker 1: I don't know about marriage. I don't even know if
• 1:52:52
  Speaker 1: I want to do that, but I know I like
• 1:52:53
  Speaker 1: this person, damn, but I don't want to. I don't
• 1:52:55
  Speaker 1: want to end it. For I even see if I
• 1:52:57
  Speaker 1: can get to that place with this person, So what
• 1:52:59
  Speaker 1: then do I do? We don't think. I just don't
• 1:53:03
  Speaker 1: think that. I don't you know, maybe I'm wrong, but
• 1:53:06
  Speaker 1: I I just I don't think that people just be
• 1:53:09
  Speaker 1: changing in six months. That's not That's not been my experience.
• 1:53:13
  Speaker 1: It usually takes time, and after a while a woman
• 1:53:17
  Speaker 1: starts to put her foot down and say, Okay, we've
• 1:53:21
  Speaker 1: done this already for a certain amount of years. Now
• 1:53:24
  Speaker 1: I want to move on to something different. But I
• 1:53:27
  Speaker 1: understand from your perspective that you're saying women are Lauren
• 1:53:31
  Speaker 1: men and they you know, being monogamous for one person
• 1:53:35
  Speaker 1: the whole time is not necessarily natural. It's something that
• 1:53:39
  Speaker 1: can be learned behavior, but it's not natural. It's this
• 1:53:42
  Speaker 1: is that all the things that I hear you saying,
• 1:53:46
  Speaker 1: it means somebody like me and and and it's the
• 1:53:49
  Speaker 1: reason why I see so many black women that are single.
• 1:53:52
  Speaker 1: Not only are they single, many of them are now
• 1:53:55
  Speaker 1: comfortably single. We have just decided that this is where
• 1:53:58
  Speaker 1: we are because because if you can't even look at
• 1:54:02
  Speaker 1: somebody and say I'm growing and I need these new things,
• 1:54:07
  Speaker 1: and then that person be honest and communicate back with
• 1:54:10
  Speaker 1: you or you can't even look for somebody not to
• 1:54:14
  Speaker 1: go behind your back and do whatever they're doing. What
• 1:54:18
  Speaker 1: the hell is the point. I'm not saying you can't.
• 1:54:21
  Speaker 1: I'm just saying I'm just saying what happens is it
• 1:54:25
  Speaker 1: becomes a lot more difficult situation. I'm not saying that
• 1:54:28
  Speaker 1: you shouldn't expect, Honestly, you shouldn't expect real reality and
• 1:54:33
  Speaker 1: you know a level of transparency and communication, it just
• 1:54:36
  Speaker 1: is a lot more difficult. And men, a lot of
• 1:54:39
  Speaker 1: men don't want to deal with that difficulty, and we
• 1:54:42
  Speaker 1: have to get we have to learn how to do it.
• 1:54:44
  Speaker 1: You're right, it's it's a process, you know, it's it's
• 1:54:47
  Speaker 1: it's the way that the way we're wire it is different.
• 1:54:49
  Speaker 1: We don't want to disappoint, especially people that we care about,
• 1:54:52
  Speaker 1: piss people that we love. And so a lot of
• 1:54:54
  Speaker 1: times when your mind state or your ideology changes, and
• 1:54:58
  Speaker 1: you understand that it's gonna affect the partner that you
• 1:55:01
  Speaker 1: believe believed in you, it has put so much it
• 1:55:05
  Speaker 1: around you. When that changes, it's not easy to just
• 1:55:07
  Speaker 1: say that that mindset changes. But women are saying and
• 1:55:10
  Speaker 1: then when you actually start being honest with the women
• 1:55:12
  Speaker 1: they said, you don't give a about you don't really care.
• 1:55:15
  Speaker 1: I've seen it now, you know. Then you just say
• 1:55:17
  Speaker 1: anything to me. You don't even care how I feel.
• 1:55:20
  Speaker 1: And the change, it's just there's so many things. It's
• 1:55:23
  Speaker 1: less grace than men have to deal with, and that
• 1:55:25
  Speaker 1: women have to deal with it too. So this conversation
• 1:55:29
  Speaker 1: about because all day and I agree with you, I do,
• 1:55:32
  Speaker 1: I agree. I think the advice that you know, I
• 1:55:37
  Speaker 1: have to give myself and and all of us is
• 1:55:40
  Speaker 1: that once the conversation is happening because of some drama,
• 1:55:46
  Speaker 1: it's not gonna work out the way we wanted to. So,
• 1:55:49
  Speaker 1: in other words, we have to figure out ways to
• 1:55:51
  Speaker 1: have conversations about things in a different setting. And that's
• 1:55:56
  Speaker 1: been we We usually had all of our dialogue as
• 1:56:00
  Speaker 1: men with difficult conversations in the conflict. And that's what
• 1:56:05
  Speaker 1: we gotta try to figure out. So that's it, and
• 1:56:09
  Speaker 1: that's it. Another dope show. You gotta get too. Fart
• 1:56:12
  Speaker 1: two and three. You gotta bring some more brothers on.
• 1:56:15
  Speaker 1: The sister said, bring up partner. I got a couple
• 1:56:17
  Speaker 1: of dudes I know could come on and have some
• 1:56:20
  Speaker 1: you know, perspectives on this. Just different perspectives, but I
• 1:56:23
  Speaker 1: think it's a dope, you know, a dope topic. Once
• 1:56:26
  Speaker 1: again with the number one, number one podcast in the world,
• 1:56:29
  Speaker 1: Street Politicians. If you've got any ideas, send them to us,
• 1:56:33
  Speaker 1: as Street Politicians on on Instagram, d m us your ideas,
• 1:56:38
  Speaker 1: tell us you love us, tell us you hate us,
• 1:56:40
  Speaker 1: anything you want. If you have brands, please tell us.
• 1:56:43
  Speaker 1: Make sure you've got a real brand, You've got a
• 1:56:46
  Speaker 1: real company, organ is some ship that you can really
• 1:56:49
  Speaker 1: send you something. We don't want you know, your homeboys
• 1:56:52
  Speaker 1: on the corner in his cash app, We don't want that.
• 1:56:56
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. We want a real business.
• 1:56:58
  Speaker 1: Hit us up so we can promote yours more business
• 1:57:00
  Speaker 1: on a on a platform. And once again, man, I'm
• 1:57:05
  Speaker 1: not gonna always be right to me. It's not gonna
• 1:57:07
  Speaker 1: always be wrong, but she is most of the time.
• 1:57:09
  Speaker 1: I said it again, most of the time. But we
• 1:57:11
  Speaker 1: both always and I mean always, be authentic. Yeah, peace y'all.
• 1:57:19
  Speaker 1: Listen to Street Politicians on the Black Effect Network on
• 1:57:22
  Speaker 1: I Heart Radio and catch us every single Wednesday for
• 1:57:26
  Speaker 1: the video version of Street Politicians on I Women Dot TV.