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I kept asking myself how did Mikie Bobzin survive? · Nightmare Success In and Out

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What happens when your worst fear becomes your reality?
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Hi. I'm Brett Cassidy.
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Welcome to the nightmare success in and out podcast, where we
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explore how to overcome your fears.
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And Nightmares is set yourself free.
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We're going to be exploring this topic with guys and women that I
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was at Leavenworth with and others who served at other
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prisons. And jails we're going to we're
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going to be talking about life before prison life in prison and
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life out of prison. These stories can be inspiring
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sometimes sad. And there's some humor.
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But hopefully you can come away with a nugget of something that
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will help you knock down some of the prisons you've built up in
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your own mind. So today, folks, I am here
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sitting with Mikey bobson, which we got this corrected because I
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had my key Vasquez done, which we had to do a spin on this and
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everybody knows. There's Mikey bobson.
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So we had to get that right because we want everybody know
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who you are. Right?
0:56
Mikey, absolutely welcome. Hi thank you.
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You good to be here. Okay, so this is, this is fun,
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because I for those listening at home, Brandon Reid was a guest,
1:10
probably like three or four episodes ago, and he had been
1:14
through a crazy experience where he was trying to get some
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housing. And he actually works with
1:21
people who, who Second Chance housing and it was a big story
1:27
in the st. Louis newspaper.
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Well, Mike. Works with works with Brandon
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and Brandon says, hey you got to talk to this girl, she's got one
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hell of a story. I said, yeah, I that's exactly
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what I want to do. So Mikey, whatever Brandon says
1:43
he says you got a great story. So let's jump into this.
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All right, take me back. So are you from st.
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Louis. Well, I'm from Belleville
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Illinois. So I'm about a half an hour
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East. Nowhere velvet, lots of guys I
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know from Volvo. Yeah.
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That's where I'm from. Yes.
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And what was Mikey doing? Growing up.
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Um, what was life like for you growing up monkey, trying to
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find a place to fit in I guess is what I was doing growing up.
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So my mom my mom was a severe alcoholic.
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Yeah. And my Dad tried to my Dad tried
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to make up. Right for that to that, my mom
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was such About alcoholic and you have siblings.
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I did not say it was you were an only child dealing with a mom.
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Who was a severe alcoholic. Okay, absolutely.
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My mom and dad got divorced. When I was two, you know, my dad
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wanted to be sober himself and my mom did not my dad.
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Finally did get completely sober when I was five but their
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relationship was very toxic, right?
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So they've both always been in my life but I don't ever
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remember them being together. I think It would be tougher to
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Mikey, because, you know, when you have a sibling or siblings,
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it's like, you know, us against them.
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You know, I can't believe how Mom's acting or, you know, Dad's
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really off the wall tonight, you didn't have that.
3:11
It was just you and you were, you were in a tough environment.
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Yeah. And I, and it was scary, you
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know, and my mom did the best. She could, don't get me wrong.
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Um, she was in school for a while and she was bartending at
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night, and we were in, and out of different public housing.
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So, That was tough at times. There was places that were
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infested with roaches, you know, we dealt with all of that field
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danger. Like were you in a place, where
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things bad things were happening?
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Not, well, not really, not really.
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I was at my grandma's a lot of nights because my mom was always
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bartending at night while she was trying to get through
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school. And then she finally did get
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through school, and she got a good job in St.
3:54
Louis as a computer programmer, but she was at the bar every
3:58
night when she got off work. And when we got out of the
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place, that was real bad with the roaches, we got to place
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real close to my grandma, so it was like literally a walk away.
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So my grandma took care of me most nights and my mom would
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always come home and be pretty drunk.
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By the time she got home, was your grandmother aware of all
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the hardship that you were going through as a kid with your mom?
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Um, yes, my, she would beg to adopt me but my mom would never
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let her, you know, my, my grandparents, they were Big,
4:30
they were big drinkers to but you know, they were more like
4:33
functioning alcoholics. Like there was a full bar in the
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basement, there was always a big party there was people over.
4:40
They were always drinking, like, senior citizen Floridians.
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There you go, there you go. And I would, you know, I enjoyed
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like at a very early age. Me and my cousin's would sit and
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we would watch like all the adults get drunk and drink
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entertainment. Yeah, my mom smoked pot and I
4:58
knew it wasn't cigarettes. When I would smell it but I
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didn't know exactly what it was. But at a very early age, I could
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not wait to get older so that I could get drunk and smoke weed
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to be like, is this what you'd been modeled to see?
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That's, I mean, it was, I thought it was fun but I always
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said to myself but you know, I'm never going to be like my mom
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because I couldn't understand why.
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At the end of the night, my mom was so much drunker than
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everybody else and why she could not control herself, was it?
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Scary as a kid. I wonder if because I didn't
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always wonder like with with kids at a certain age, even at
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five years old, how much aware you are, how wrong things are
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and do you, do you feel it? Do you like, you feel it?
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Yes, it was, it was, it was very scary.
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I am, I remember? I hated when my mom would drink
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gin and I would beg her mama. Just drink beer today.
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Just drink beer because it was never quite as bad.
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I would always like wait. To see how early she started
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drinking and it was very you're measuring all that all that at a
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very early age and I would often have to call.
6:09
Do you think he would have been like when you started thinking I
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don't want Mom to drink gin. I wanted to drink beer probably
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seven for sure. Yeah seven for sure that's a lot
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for a seven-year-old you thinking about absolutely seven
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for sure and you know my dad would have me on Wednesdays and
6:26
every other weekend but I always would feel so And I wouldn't
6:30
want to leave my mom because she would, I was scared.
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I was scared, she wasn't going to be okay.
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And there was, you know, the guilt trips when I would leave
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and I would feel really bad and I was scared for her.
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She was also bipolar and suicidal and one night that that
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I'll never forget that really stands out in my head and his, a
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big part of my story is my mom one night.
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She was in a room in bed, crying.
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And I went in there and I said, did Mama, what's wrong?
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And she said, Mikey, do you see him?
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And I said, do I see what? And she said the demons Mikey,
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they're crawling up my curtains and she was shaken and she was
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crying, and she was scared, and I then became very frightened.
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And of course, I didn't see anything, but I didn't know what
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to do. So I got next to her in bed.
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I curled up by her. I held her and we both cried
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until we fell asleep. Oh wow.
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Yeah, wow. So, how did life change for you
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as you get older? They're going to the high school
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year. Is, um, and well, you know, and
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here's the thing in a very early at a very young age.
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I never, I never really felt right, I just never really felt
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accepted, you know. And that's a common
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characteristic that people who suffered with addiction share.
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We never felt like we quite fit in.
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We never quite felt. You know.
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I wasn't blond enough. I wasn't skinny enough but I
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wasn't Latina enough but I wasn't wide enough black and it
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like I wasn't. I was like never just enough,
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right? Um And I just, I was always
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hated having my friends over because I was always so
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embarrassed of my mom and it was it was just really tough for me.
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And then when I was about 11 years old, I found her.
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We'd, you know, and and that was when my life really took a spin
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because I found her weed and I smoked her weed and I was the
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most popular kid in the neighborhood that summer.
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But but I felt Good, I finally felt good.
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I just felt Leaf, I felt like I was enough now on every Friday
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night. My mom would have special nights
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and I was, you know, when, when I was kind of younger when I was
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like, 8 9, I would have my, Shirley Temple's in a wine
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glass. But then, by the time I was 11,
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I was allowed to actually have wine coolers on Friday nights,
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but, you know, I never realized was always scared to really get
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drunk because of how my mom would get in things.
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Yeah, well, when I found that we die, I really He liked it and I
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felt like I fit in and you know it just progressed from there,
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it went downhill from there, all throughout High School I was
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smoking weed all the time. At that point.
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I you know, was getting drunk all the time.
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I have friends like in that point where you did, you have
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friends that were in the same type of predicament or did you I
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did I I searched out it's like I made it my mission to search out
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like the possible like worst influences I could find because
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I thought they were cool, right? And Um you know my family.
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So I went through a time in high school, my moms Puerto Rican and
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even though they were Puerto Rican, there was a hatred for
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Puerto Ricans. When when my grandpa moved here
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from the states are, I'm sorry when he moved to the States from
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Puerto Rico, when he was 18, people hated them here and they
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were pretty racist against them. So my grandfather tried really
9:54
hard to fit in and to just be white, right?
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And he had a thick accent and do Dark skin, but he wanted to be
10:00
white. And he, there was also a hatred
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for there was a hatred for for black people and in my family
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and apparently that was going on in Puerto Rico to as it is in so
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many parts of this world and even still to this day.
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And I hated that, I hated that and I thought it was terrible
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and I didn't want to be anything like them.
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So throughout High School. I kind of made it my mission to
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hang out Um, lots of lots of black people.
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Lots of Mexicans, lots of Latinas.
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Like, I was hanging out in the hood.
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I was hanging out. I was hanging out with like the
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baddest people I could find in like the poorest and work sparse
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parts of society because I did not want to be like my family,
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you know? But that also came with it a lot
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of trouble for me, right? Because I while I portrayed this
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tough image of like this little oil Latina Mexican gangster in
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my black lipstick and my dark curly hair.
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My dickie overalls. I really wasn't right, I really
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wasn't. So people were scared of me and
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nobody mess with me but if they would have, I got beat up, you
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know. So I I was in places.
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I shouldn't have been in doing things.
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I shouldn't have been doing. I was eating a store drinking.
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I was getting drunk and and my life was going downhill really
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quick. So did I mean, did you feel like
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when that started happening like that?
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Did you feel like you're out of control or to feel like your
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life was spinning out of control?
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How did you feel when that was all happening to you at that
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point? At that point, not, not really
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so much because I wanted so bad to be smoking the weed, and
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drinking and hanging out with the people I was I there was
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always such terrible fights when I would go home with my mom.
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Eventually she kicked me out when I was 17 and my dad was
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trying to have a whole other. Ridge, right?
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So he let me stay there for a couple of weeks.
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But, you know, my dad was sober. At this time, he was a social
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worker himself, he was a therapist.
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He was embracing his Catholic faith, trying to have a marriage
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and a whole other family. And me coming home drunk every
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night and stoned out of my brain.
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You know, at the age of 17 that didn't work so that only lasted
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for three weeks and he kicked me out and I moved in with a
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boyfriend that I had in that was terrible and he he beat the crap
12:26
out of me perform. A good year.
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And on my 18th birthday, I got my first tattoo and when I came
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home he was man that another man touched my leg and he and he
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started beating on me pretty good.
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And by the grace of God, the neighbor heard it and came to
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the door. And I was able to grab my car
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keys and I ran out of that apartment and and and I left and
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I got in my car and I left and I never went back and I did move
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back in with my mom but only very temporarily and I am and I
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was 18 at this point and and And I moved in with my mom, started
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doing cocaine and for some reason, I got it in my head
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that, you know, the problem was is that I was hanging out with
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the wrong, like, I was hanging out with, you know, with all
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these like, you know, black people and Hispanic people and
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doing bad things with them and that must be the problem.
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So, I made it, I'm literally made a decision in my head,
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okay, I'm going to start hanging out with white people.
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Now, the white people that are doing drugs and things will
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work, things will be better and as crazy as that sounds, that's
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my story and that's literally what I thought in my head
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because I was going to be your new rush.
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I thought that was going to be my new rationale and I was doing
13:43
cocaine at this point. Getting some acid one night.
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And that's when I met my ex-husband.
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I was 18 and partying with all these crazy white kids.
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And a couple months later, we were cooking crystal meth and
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that was a whole different world.
14:00
That's when I felt my life, like, was spending was spinning
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and spiraling out of control it. Sure.
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Seems like that, you know, all the different people I've talked
14:10
to that have been around drugs that whenever they cross into
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that world of the meth and the crystal meth that is when things
14:17
get, absolutely Kyle key lossing was on a couple of podcasts go
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and he was number four golfer, team golfer in the world living.
14:29
Life that you would only want and he had the bad thing
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happened. Got into crystal meth and and he
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became an escapee from prison and his whole life changed and
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that seems like meth has a demon in it that affects people so
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differently. It was, it was awful, you know,
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I liked it a lot better than cocaine because you didn't Fein
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out as much and it would last a lot longer, but I mean, it it
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was just a completely different world, nothing that I Had ever
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been exposed to before. And, you know, by the time I
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was, you know, 19 and that was the anhydrous meth back then,
15:07
right? So there's in your eyes.
15:08
That's on the street. Now, this isn't your shake and
15:10
bake that was before the eyes. Like this was, this was the
15:14
anhydrous dope and it was scary. And you had to steal the
15:17
anhydrous and, and I had cops, you know, watching me and
15:22
kicking in my door when I was 19 years old and, and, and I was
15:27
and I was scared to death. So when they did that when they
15:30
were, you had cops that were kicking in your door where they
15:33
kicking in the door because you guys were making a mess or the
15:36
kick in the door cause you're making meth and selling meth, or
15:38
was it kicking the door because they knew you guys were attics
15:40
or what was the kick in the door.
15:42
So they had been watching us. They've been watching us the my
15:49
ex-husband and his friends they had been out cooking a batch
15:52
that the week before and everything got really strange
15:56
and I'll never know what exactly happened.
15:58
But things got weird and cops were watching and they all ran
16:05
off in different directions and showed up back at my apartment
16:09
at different times and I never got the full story as to what
16:12
happened. But I know that the week
16:13
following that I had, like cops calling my house phone like
16:17
acting like acting like they were like the Domino's, Pizza
16:21
driver, did we order some pizzas and but knowing our names and,
16:25
and it was just really weird. And my ex-husband knew what was
16:28
We're not on. And so we got rid of like all
16:32
the drugs and everything associated with it, we had all
16:34
got rid of it and thank God. Because two days later, I was
16:38
portable cereal and the detective literally looked at my
16:41
window and said, Open Your Door Mikey and I'm like, oh my gosh,
16:46
like and I my ex-husband was just tripping.
16:48
I didn't think anybody was really having our phones that
16:50
like I was like, what are you talking about?
16:52
Like, but they did and they came in and one of the guys that was
16:57
staying with me, had a parole Ation but then they searched our
17:00
house and they had been watching us but they didn't find
17:03
anything. So I kind of had a, you know,
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close call close call right and and but that detective later you
17:12
me very well years later when he did end up arresting me.
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So well let's let's go into that because you had a close call.
17:19
Did that scare you into the hey, we need to stop this or or that
17:23
was. Okay, we're past that we are.
17:24
Okay, so, I mean, yeah, it did scare me and you're We did kind
17:29
of stop things for a while you know, we slow down things for a
17:36
while but I still wasn't sober nothing but we weren't doing the
17:39
meth at that time so much anymore.
17:41
And really what ended up happening was I got pregnant
17:43
with my first son when I was 21, right?
17:46
And I got pregnant with my first.
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I've got five kids. I got pregnant with my first son
17:52
and I quit doing everything. Like I quit using all I didn't
17:56
even drink caffeine was that It was it was extremely hard but I
18:01
was so happy and excited to be pregnant that like it was
18:05
awesome but like I had I had a quarter gram adult put up for
18:09
when I after I had the baby and I quit breastfeeding right you
18:12
know and my ex-husband was still getting high throughout all that
18:16
time. And I really liked how I really
18:18
thought in my head that I'm going to be this super cool mom
18:21
and I'm so going to party and get high.
18:22
But like, I'm still going to be a good mom.
18:24
And like, I really had this idea in my head, needless to say, I
18:28
had the Be breastfed for a couple months.
18:31
Stop doing that. Did that quarter gram of dope.
18:34
And once again my life spiraled out of control, I was hanging
18:37
out with more people who were cooking he was in and out doing
18:40
all kinds of stuff. And I got really, really, really
18:43
bad in about a nine month time period and found out.
18:47
I was pregnant again by the grace of God.
18:49
I quit everything again, actually DCFS showed up at my
18:53
door week after I got pregnant with my second son.
18:56
But by the grace of God, I was sober because I had found out I
18:58
I was pregnant and they weren't there for drugs.
19:01
I don't really, uh, not really remember exactly why they had
19:03
got the call, but they never opened a case, right?
19:05
Because I was stable and I was doing the best I could.
19:08
When they showed up and I was I was sober again.
19:11
I don't know about stable. So sober again a week sober,
19:14
right? And and you know, and that went
19:17
on, right? So when I got pregnant with my
19:19
second son, I told himself. Okay.
19:21
Okay. No no to the hard drugs Mikey,
19:24
you can't do the hard drugs. Look how bad you got DCFS.
19:27
Showed up at your door. Only knows that I'm always going
19:31
to smoke pot. Like I said, I couldn't because
19:33
I couldn't picture a life without something.
19:35
Right? I I was mighty I had to smoke
19:38
weed well in 11 years old, that was your Escape 11 years old.
19:41
That was my Escape, right? So and I did better, right?
19:44
I made it about four months breastfeeding my second child,
19:48
not doing any hard drugs, not even smoking weed.
19:50
Well, my ex-husband was still doing hard drugs and he came
19:53
home with some math. And you know, I started doing it
19:57
again. Luckily.
19:58
That didn't last very long and I found out, I was pregnant with
20:01
my third son, she and people always joke.
20:03
They always say, well, birth control is the only drug you
20:05
didn't do my exactly. You didn't do that one, right?
20:07
And, and, and I said to myself, okay, this I'm really not doing
20:12
the hard drugs, I'll always smoke weed, but I'm really not
20:14
doing the hard drugs. Well for about three years after
20:17
my third son was born, I only smoked weed.
20:19
I worked. I drove.
20:20
I was really, I was actually doing really well for myself at
20:24
that time. He was still doing the hard
20:25
drugs. Not the most was going to ask
20:27
you like how are the kids like that?
20:29
At this point you've got probably like a three-year-old
20:32
whatever two-year-old is it, are you functioning?
20:36
I was extreme. So after my third son was born,
20:40
like I said for about three years, I was extremely
20:41
functioning. Okay, people always said, you
20:44
know, Mikey, she's a, she's a, she's a bad chick right?
20:47
You know, because I worked, I took care of my kids.
20:49
Yes, I smoked weed but I didn't do the hard drugs.
20:51
Like they all still did like my ex-husband still did.
20:55
I didn't do those things and I was maintaining and I was on top
20:58
Of my business until my one night.
21:02
I don't know, my youngest son was probably three or four.
21:05
My ex-husband was smoking crack in the basement and I was down
21:07
there smoking my weed and I said, pass me that crack pipe
21:12
and oh my gosh. Now when I tell you my life
21:15
plummeted after that, I mean it plummeted, I started smoking
21:20
crack with him and I remember not even wanting to like make my
21:25
kids a pizza, because all I want to do is sit in that basement
21:27
and smoke crack and of I go up and make them the pizza, but it
21:30
was just awful. It was just awful.
21:32
Like, all I wanted to do was smoke crack and and it was
21:37
terrible and I began stealing stuff from my ex-husband, you
21:40
know, my ex-husband could always function a little better than
21:43
me. He could go to sleep with an
21:44
eight ball of cocaine in the closet.
21:46
He never stole from anybody, right?
21:48
He could, you know, hold down a job and you know, smoke is dope
21:52
and then go to bed. Like I was not, I was not
21:54
capable or obsessed obsessed and I started stealing his stuff.
21:58
I Ponder what ding rings. I was still money for my own
22:00
children. My oldest son, would hide his
22:02
wallet in different places thinking that I wouldn't find it
22:05
and I would find it every time and it breaks my heart to think
22:08
back to that. And, you know, when I always had
22:10
the intentions of all replace it, I'll get some money and I'll
22:13
replace it but, you know, that that would never happen.
22:15
And and then then I got on the pain pills because people were
22:19
tired of seeing Mikey smoke crack all day.
22:20
So here's some pain pills, try this buzz and then I was hooked
22:24
on them and then it was heroin and then it was methadone
22:26
clinics and then I'm pregnant with my fourth.
22:28
Wild on 180 milligrams of methadone and my life was out of
22:34
control and I was robbing everybody in my family that I
22:37
loved. I stole from my mom and my
22:39
grandma for probably a year and a half before they ever found
22:43
out. I would go and I take a piece of
22:44
jewelry every day and I'd go pawn it and, and nobody even
22:47
knew that I was doing heroin. They thought that I was only on
22:50
pain pills all this time, even my ex-husband because he never
22:53
did the heroin. He was a speed guy and I was, I
22:57
was I was gone. So when you, when you were
22:59
stealing, did you feel bad about it?
23:02
Or did you have it rationalize somehow in your mind that this
23:05
is just my life? I'm making it work.
23:07
I felt horrible about it and I always thought that I would go
23:09
back to the pawn shop and get what I told you.
23:12
Take until I'd taken almost every piece of gold.
23:14
My mom and my grandma owned. Did they, did they did the kids
23:20
or your grandmother, or anybody to the day confront, you on
23:23
that? They finally did.
23:25
And my ex-husband didn't even know that I was on heroin.
23:28
Well, Everybody snowed to think that I was only addicted to pain
23:31
pills and I happened to get in a car accident.
23:34
When my pain pill addiction first started, why did I get in
23:39
the car accident? Well, because I was sick on pain
23:41
pills. I was trying not to be sick and
23:43
somebody handed me an Elavil and I couldn't keep my eyes open and
23:47
I got in a car accident and so I happen to have a legal script of
23:51
pain pills and everybody thought I was just on pain pills might
23:55
my ex-husband literally had no clue that I was actually doing
23:58
heroin and Then everybody found out everybody found out because
24:02
I trusted one of his friends who was actually one of our crack
24:05
dealers, but I told her, I told her that I was a mess and that I
24:08
was on heroin and that I had actually just gotten myself in a
24:12
methadone clinic, right? I had just gotten myself in a
24:15
methadone clinic, I was three weeks in a methadone clinic
24:18
still. So jacked up on the methadone
24:20
that I couldn't stay awake. My I was nodding out into my
24:23
food, it was terrible. And in that, I'd been stealing
24:27
from my family and She ended up telling my ex-husband, what was
24:30
going on? She called my mom and told my
24:32
mom, what was going on? And they had a felony warrant
24:36
out. For my arrest, my mom and my
24:37
grandma did because they found all their jewelry had was gone
24:41
and they were supposed to come, get me the next morning at the
24:43
methadone clinic, but my dad talked them into, calling it off
24:47
that next morning. And my ex-husband took the kids
24:50
and he and he almost left me, but I was going to get better,
24:54
right? I was going to be in this
24:55
methadone clinic, and I was going to get better, and that
24:58
didn't happen. Open.
24:58
Methadone was terrible. That methadone was awful.
25:02
I was a wreck. I think I was more, I was more
25:05
incoherent on the methadone than I was on the heroin.
25:09
You know, I wouldn't try to get my kids off the bus and I'd be
25:12
asleep and I'd be knotted out and it was, it was a nightmare.
25:16
It was awful, it was, it was awful.
25:20
So when did this one? Did Rock Bottom head?
25:24
Okay, so because this is a lot, this is a lot like you I've been
25:29
through as a kid and then getting your own addiction and
25:32
then having your kids and them being involved in that.
25:35
So what where did you go to to write some point?
25:38
You probably had a rock bottom moment.
25:41
I. Oh yeah, so okay, so let's all
25:44
right, I got pregnant with my daughter when I was in the
25:48
methadone clinic, my fourth child had her I was supposed to
25:54
be weaning off a methadone, but I was scared and I wasn't doing
25:57
it. Me and him were still, you know,
25:59
smoking crack and doing other drugs.
26:01
And I ended up going to treatment.
26:06
He went to get my kids off the school bus one day and they
26:09
never got off the bus will come to find out.
26:11
He had an order of protection against me, and I didn't know
26:14
this at the time, but the police told him.
26:16
If you don't get an order protection against her, were
26:18
going to call DCFS. Because I was walking my
26:20
daughter through the town and Mascoutah.
26:21
She was in her stroller, but I was Apparently, pretty messed
26:24
up. I was not an out, I was probably
26:26
on some sort of Adderall too, and I was doing weird body
26:28
movements and they said you were going to, we're going to get,
26:32
you know, we're going to call DCFS.
26:34
So he got an order of protection against me.
26:36
He was working his way up to that, anyways, he had been gone
26:40
about a month because we were fighting so bad.
26:41
It was just me and the kids there and I was a mess.
26:43
So I couldn't go home because he had the order of protection.
26:49
And I went to a little motel room.
26:54
And I truly had felt at that moment, like I lost, I lost
26:57
everything right. My oldest son was 10, you know,
27:00
my oldest son was 10. I'd always been there with them
27:03
and did the best I could to be a mom.
27:04
And now, I'm in this little motel room and I didn't know
27:07
what to do. And my dad took me to the
27:09
methadone clinic every day and paid for the hotel room.
27:12
And and and I didn't know what I was going to do.
27:16
I lost? I lost my children.
27:18
I lost my whole world and it was a whole new level of pain.
27:21
A whole new level of pain that I absolutely.
27:23
Solutely could not cope with and I drank and I ate Adderall and I
27:26
got my methadone dose and two weeks later my ex-husband comes
27:30
and you know, walks in that hotel room and he says, you
27:35
don't need to be in here you go to you, go to treatment, you get
27:38
off that methadone, and you can come home to your family and and
27:42
I called, and I got a bed in the women's Treatment Center in
27:44
Chicago, and I had to wait five days for my bed.
27:47
And him and my baby girl, who was nine months stayed with me
27:49
stayed with me at the hotel room.
27:51
He didn't want my older kids. Kids to see me because there was
27:54
the order of protection and he was afraid, they'd say something
27:56
to somebody, and he could get in trouble.
27:58
So they stayed out what your kids have been at this time.
28:00
My so my baby was nine months and then I had my oldest was 10
28:06
and then I had a nine year old and a 7 year old boy.
28:08
Okay? And so him and my daughter
28:10
stayed with me until my bed was open.
28:13
He kissed me goodbye. I was supposed to go get better,
28:16
lower on the methadone, and come home.
28:18
I went to treatment and when I was a month into treatment, he
28:22
moved in. Woman in my home I called home
28:25
one day to talk to the kids like we did every day and my my
28:30
eight-year-old son answer. I'm sorry my nine-year-old.
28:32
Son answered the phone and he said we don't want Becca for our
28:35
mommy. We want you for our mommy and he
28:38
moved another woman and so I when I got out of that Treatment
28:41
Center needless to say, I relapsed now I want to make this
28:44
very clear even if that wouldn't have happened, I would have
28:46
relapsed anyways because I that was not my time that was not
28:52
right. I'm totally committed.
28:54
Right? But it needless to say that
28:56
devastated me my kids were counting down days for me to
28:59
come home. I had letters, I still have them
29:01
at home, that's a mommy 80 more days left.
29:03
They were counting down the days to come home for mommy.
29:06
To come home and I didn't, I never came home.
29:09
They were devastated and this woman was sleeping in my bed,
29:11
taking care of my children, wearing my clothes.
29:14
Like it was, it was ridiculous. And so when I left that
29:18
Treatment Center, I went right back to that Same hotel room and
29:21
I began using needles. I never really use needles
29:24
before, but because when I would, I was too messed up that
29:28
I couldn't take care of my children, but I had lost my
29:30
children at this point, I didn't care anymore.
29:33
I got lower on my dose of methadone, but I didn't get
29:36
completely off it in that Treatment Center because I was
29:38
on such a high dose. So, I was still in the clinic
29:42
when I got home. But at this point, I didn't even
29:44
care anymore. Methamphetamines had made a
29:47
comeback in the area at this time with at shake and bake
29:50
stuff. And I started shooting it up and
29:53
I started shooting it up and I started catching cases.
29:56
I started getting felonies. I literally entered the land of
30:00
I don't care. I lived every single minute of
30:03
my life to use I did what girls did to get money to get drugs,
30:09
right? I turned tricks, I got drugs, I
30:13
got high turn tricks, Got Drugs God.
30:15
Hi eat, you know, wash rinse repeat.
30:18
That's what I did. That's all I did.
30:21
That is what my life had been reduced to.
30:26
And and and and I did finally catch my first felony.
30:31
Little little little funny piece here.
30:35
My ex-husband right here, he would, let me see my kids
30:39
periodically whenever he would want to come see me, because he
30:41
would be fighting with whatever girl he had stay in there.
30:44
And but when he found out that I was using a needle that was the
30:48
end of that, he wouldn't he wouldn't let me see him anymore.
30:50
He never brought him back to see me which was for the best thing,
30:52
but he called me and wanted me to come.
30:55
See him one time and I showed up there and he did the With me.
31:01
And then let me see my kids for about four days.
31:04
And then he told me, told me I had to leave that, you know, I
31:11
couldn't stay there anymore, the other girl in him and made up,
31:14
she was going to come back, blah, blah, blah blah.
31:15
So I left and two weeks went by and he wouldn't even let me talk
31:21
on the phone to my kids, to like, tell them why I wasn't
31:24
there anymore to tell him that. I wish I could still be there or
31:26
something. And I showed up at his house
31:29
because I told him you don't pick up that phone.
31:31
And let me talk to my kids and explain something to them.
31:34
I'm gonna show up and I showed up at his house and I had to
31:37
open my pocket and him and that other girl didn't know what to
31:39
do when I walked in, and he called the cops on me.
31:41
And that's how I caught my first felony.
31:43
He was very hypocritical, a lot of time.
31:46
It was I well, I mean obviously cuz right, he was, he was using
31:50
all along right? Very hypocritical, but he was a
31:52
charmer, right? So anyways, that was the best
31:55
thing that could have happened to me, though, because I was
31:57
introduced to the legal system, which is where I eventually got
32:00
help. Now, horrible things happened in
32:03
that county jail. I remember quite a few of them
32:06
while I was in there. One of my close friends was in
32:08
the mail was on the male side, right?
32:10
And he actually hung himself in that jail and everybody says
32:14
that he didn't really hung himself that the officers did it
32:16
and made it look like. Like, he hung himself and his
32:19
family sued that jail and they got a whole lot of money, but
32:22
you know, that happened while I was in there.
32:24
I had never been incarcerated before.
32:26
I never had to go to the bathroom in front of other women
32:29
before. It's a whole lifestyle.
32:32
It was a whole different change. Now, luckily, I knew so many
32:36
people in that jail. The minute I walked in everybody
32:39
had my back because everybody knew my key.
32:41
Like so I had already had a little name for myself, so which
32:46
would help you in jail, right? Which really helped me in jail
32:49
because, you know, thank God, I wasn't the poor girls.
32:52
That's a crazy day, you know? And I would always feel real
32:55
sorry for him and I had to stay, I had to stay with all these
32:58
girls that have my back, right? So what Mikey, because you were
33:02
in there and you knew some of the people in whatever I were
33:07
you thinking I'm getting this is something.
33:10
I'm going to get out of or you thought, man, I'm really in this
33:12
thing deep. I might not well, you know.
33:15
So my first, you know, my first time in there, I was scared to
33:19
death once I kind of got used to it, you know, I actually started
33:23
to enjoy myself. We kicked it with the, with the
33:28
girls I was sober. I was clean, and I, and I
33:32
thought in my head, well, when I get out, you know, I'm gonna try
33:36
to do Better. And I'm going to try to get my
33:37
kids back, you know. And of course, that didn't
33:42
happen. I was, I was in and out of that
33:45
jail, multiple multiple times and every time I'd get, of
33:50
course, be clean in there. And then, you know, have good
33:53
intentions when I got out. It does you think you ran
33:56
through there? You're going through all this.
33:59
So, I ran through their three different times.
34:02
I caught three different felony cases and ran through their
34:06
Three different times. Now, mind you, every time I
34:09
would get out, I'd go back to doing my math, okay?
34:11
And that the drug Tactical Unit, which was the DTU that kicked in
34:16
my door. When I was 19, they knew who I
34:21
was and I was cooking meth again.
34:24
I was shaking him bacon. And so, every single time I
34:29
would get out, they knew me because I knew everybody, I knew
34:34
everybody would always say Mikey brings it on.
34:36
Raj, with her. Because I knew everybody and I
34:39
would have, I would hang out with like every single, you
34:42
know, dope cook or big dope guy in the st.
34:45
Clair County area. So these DTU agents, they loved
34:49
watching me. They would watch me.
34:52
They would follow me. They were trying to get me to
34:54
snitch on people, right? They were, I mean, it was a
34:57
constant game for them and and they catch it with some dope and
35:00
they let you go, okay, they let you go on the conditions that
35:04
you would bring them a do Dope Dealer, right?
35:07
That you would bring them a dope dealer and they would call your
35:10
cell phone and they would come pick you up and they would even
35:13
give you the money to go make the undercover Buy and they
35:16
would take you to the spot to do it but here's the catch.
35:19
If you didn't do it they'd hit you with that.
35:20
Felony warrant however many months later and they cared
35:24
nothing about you that they didn't care a thing about you or
35:28
the trouble that could be waiting for you.
35:30
If you snitched on this dope dealer, they just knew you
35:32
wanted out of jail and they would use you Using you like a
35:37
little like a little Pond and and it was awful and, you know,
35:45
I did the, you know, I went to the treatment centers after
35:49
jail. You know, I did the probations
35:53
and and I just kept repeating the same cycle and then one of
35:56
the time, the third time, I was incarcerated, I got out went to
36:00
treatment went into an Oxford House and I was I was clean and
36:04
sober and I found out I was pregnant.
36:06
And I was super excited. I thought man, this will be
36:09
great. This is the motivation.
36:10
I need to stay sober, I can be a mom again.
36:13
Well, I ended up having a miscarriage and I was really mad
36:17
at God after that. And I and I relapsed again, that
36:20
day that I found out, I was having a miscarriage and I
36:24
couldn't understand. You know, I'd say God you've
36:26
already taken for kids from me. Here, I am clean and sober doing
36:30
everything right and now you've taken a fifth child from me and
36:34
I had a huge resentment against God.
36:36
And and I relapsed again and this is where I hit my
36:41
rock-bottom. Okay, I immediately in back into
36:45
this world of meth hardcore and heavy the DTU, they were
36:49
watching me trying to get me to set people up.
36:52
They were, I would get people dope and they were having people
36:55
come to me and do undercover buys they were on my Facebook
36:58
page. They knew my phone number.
36:59
They were calling me. They were pulling up on me at
37:02
the Metrolink, like, Madness, craziness chaos.
37:06
Ass and and and it was awful, it was hell.
37:10
And so this goes on probably for about a year and a half, maybe
37:17
two years. And I found out, I was pregnant
37:19
again. And I knew within with every
37:25
fiber of my being, I knew that I was having a little girl as soon
37:31
as I found out, I was pregnant. Sorry, that was a fine, that's
37:37
my reminder girl. But I knew I was, I knew it was
37:44
a little girl and I knew I wasn't going to miscarry and I
37:48
knew that that baby was going to be born.
37:50
Perfectly healthy, even if I would have kept shooting up
37:53
crystal meth every day, I knew that baby was going to be born
37:55
healthy, but I also knew that DCFS would take her from me at
38:00
the hospital. If I didn't stop living, the way
38:02
I was living. And I also knew that I really
38:04
wanted to see my other kids because it had been five years
38:07
now. Wow.
38:08
And and almost five years and and I you know, of course, I
38:14
tried to see him but he wouldn't let me in that was for the best.
38:17
I was a wreck and probably was at that time.
38:20
Yeah. And and and and and I knew that
38:24
this was God given me another chance to be a mom.
38:27
I knew it. Yeah.
38:28
And I also knew, I couldn't keep a needle out of my arm.
38:30
So I would try I would I would sleep about, you know, I'd sleep
38:35
for a good four or five days because I couldn't stay awake
38:37
without math, right? I slept on it, I ate on it, but
38:40
if I didn't have it, I couldn't hold my eyes open.
38:42
I would literally sleep for days and, you know, the opioids were
38:46
opiates were over for overdoses. After getting out of that
38:49
methadone clinic, I I did opiates maybe four times after
38:52
the methadone clinic overdosed every time, that was the end of
38:55
that. I was like nope I'm not doing
38:57
this so I was done with that that I was on the meth so bad
39:00
and and and I was sitting there in my dad's house.
39:05
I just woke up you know, after sleeping as long as I could and
39:09
I made that phone call and I got some more dope and I was
39:13
shooting up the meth and then I was vomiting everywhere after
39:16
every shot I would do because I was pregnant and I thought to
39:20
myself South, I can't do this anymore.
39:23
I can't, I hated myself. This is where you hit the wrong.
39:28
This is where I hid my rock bottom.
39:30
I hated the person I had become. I had all these washed-up ideas
39:36
of this mother. I was supposed to be this
39:38
daughter. I was supposed to be this child
39:41
of God and I was none of those things.
39:43
I felt like a waste of oxygen. I turned tricks.
39:46
I got dope. I did dope and I did it all
39:49
again in once again. That was all I was doing and I'm
39:51
pregnant and God's given me another chance.
39:54
And I'm sitting here with a needle in my arm puking, all
39:56
over the place and I I couldn't I was going to put a bullet in
40:00
my brain but I was too chicken to do it and I but I couldn't
40:04
live one more minute like that and I had to go to probation the
40:08
next day and there was a warrant for my arrest.
40:12
I knew there was a misdemeanor warrant.
40:14
I didn't know there was a felony, warrant, but, but I knew
40:16
I needed help. So I put all the rest of my
40:20
dope. When I told my daddy, I was
40:21
staying with my daddy at that time.
40:23
I said, let's go. I'm gonna go to the courthouse
40:25
and turn myself in and I turned myself in on that misdemeanor
40:28
warrant. And by the grace of God, the DT
40:31
you had put out a felony warrant for my arrest because I didn't
40:34
snitch for him one time and and that was the best thing that
40:38
could have happened. So that was my rock bottom.
40:41
That was my Moment of clarity. And that was, when I got help
40:46
and that was November 29th, 2016.
40:49
That I turn myself in now. Let me let me tell you really
40:53
strange because that's when I got out of prison and that's
40:56
right, it's really super strange.
40:57
That's my sobriety the day. I got out of prison from
41:00
Leavenworth. So when you you know, because we
41:04
talked about on this show those are mine set things you you
41:08
until that moment. That was wanting to get to that
41:11
Rock Bottom moment. You didn't really feel like you
41:15
were really going to do it. You know, it wasn't truly
41:18
committed. And, and that moment you said,
41:21
no, it's over. I'm changing everything.
41:24
About me, is going to be different.
41:27
And I always think it's interesting when that happens,
41:30
because it takes so much determination and so much
41:33
courage to step out of that. Because so many people So many
41:39
people Mikey get into, whether it's drugs, whether it's a bad
41:44
marriage, whether it's a bad job, whatever it is, it's a bad
41:48
routine. It's a bad thing people get so
41:50
into that, they can't get out of it because that's what they're
41:53
used to. That's their comfort zone.
41:55
But you at that moment, you've gone through this hell that
41:58
you've walked through four years.
42:00
And at that moment, you said, no more.
42:03
I'm Different. Well, you know, you have to
42:08
like, I became I'm okay with the way I was living.
42:11
You have to in order to keep living that way.
42:13
You got to at some point just become okay with it like that
42:16
list of reasons. Like when I had my kids, I'd
42:18
wake up every day with a list of reasons why I shouldn't drink or
42:22
use that get you know you got to get your kids off the bus.
42:25
I mean you got to you got to do a b and c you know unusually
42:28
five minutes after going over that list of reasons I'd be
42:30
drinking or using, right. But when I lost my kids I no
42:34
longer came up with that list of reasons.
42:36
Why shouldn't I didn't care and it's All, it's all I did.
42:40
And I became okay with living like that.
42:42
I became became okay with living on an animalistic level and and,
42:49
and but you survived, but I survived it right.
42:53
And I became okay with it until I couldn't be okay with it
42:57
anymore. You reach the you reach the end
43:00
until I reach the you do. You you teetered so closely to
43:03
because you're one of the people that have gone to prison and we
43:07
talked about that there's Jail is really worse than prison
43:11
because Prison have your, you have a different way of life in
43:15
prison because everybody's going to be there for a while and we
43:17
you figure out how it's going to work and it's not as transitory
43:20
or dangerous. But how did you start stepping
43:24
back into this life that you're created now because you're into
43:29
a lot of good stuff. Mike said that.
43:31
So this is the best part of my story.
43:33
Here we go. Okay, so I'm incarcerated again
43:39
pregnant or it was awful. But you get it.
43:41
You get to Matt's to lay on if you're pregnant.
43:44
It's nice to get a peanut butter sandwich at the end of the
43:46
extra. It's okay.
43:47
Yeah, right. So okay.
43:49
So and like I told you, when we were talking a little bit before
43:53
this started, I started kind of freaking out, right?
43:56
Because I knew I needed help and I knew I didn't need to be on
43:58
the streets anymore, but when I got in there I was like oh my
44:01
gosh. Just I'll just get out of here
44:03
and I'll just I'll just I'll just go home and I'll finish
44:06
that little bit. I got it.
44:07
I'll put myself in treatment. I just just I got to get out of
44:09
here. This was a bad idea.
44:10
I should you know deep down I knew it was right where I needed
44:13
to be, but I started calling people to get me money and I
44:16
called a guy and he and he gave a lawyer, five hundred dollars
44:20
were supposed to come to the courthouse.
44:22
Get me a bond reduction but no, the lawyer went to the
44:25
courthouse to get me the bond reduction and everybody in st.
44:28
Clair County. If you give them lawyer money
44:30
and they get everybody on a drug charge, I was on my fourth
44:33
felony for methamphetamines. But if you give a lawyer money,
44:37
You get a bond reduction, it's just how it goes.
44:39
But the DTU that had made my life, such a miserable living.
44:43
Hell told that judge, don't, nope, do not give her a bite.
44:48
I don't know if he was up at the courthouse, I don't know how it
44:51
happened, but they wouldn't let me get a bond reduction and that
44:55
was God, working in my life and I didn't even know it.
44:57
So I was like, oh, I couldn't believe it, I couldn't believe
45:00
it. So I went, you know, everybody
45:04
in the jail, you go to your, you go before the judge.
45:07
You know, a couple weeks after you get in there, they read off
45:09
your charges and they tell you what you're charged with and you
45:12
can ask for, you can ask for, you know, to be if you can get a
45:18
bond reduction, right? And they read off my charges and
45:22
I asked for a bond reduction and the judge said, nope, but I will
45:27
let you go. If you can get a bed at a
45:29
treatment center, I'll let you go to treatment.
45:31
That was the only way I was getting out of there.
45:33
Okay. Once again, guys, working in my
45:35
favor. So I've got my dad call in all
45:39
these treatment centers trying to get me a bed in treatment.
45:41
I'm right in public defenders, letters every day, you know, the
45:45
whole nine and and and I'm incarcerated and I start, I knew
45:51
staying clean in there, and I'm staying clean in there and I,
45:56
and I was scared. I thought I was going to prison.
45:58
In fact, I thought sure, I was going to prison and, you know,
46:01
my mom would take the baby, you know, while I did my time, I
46:05
knew that that would be okay. But I didn't know how I was
46:08
gonna stay sober when I got out of prison or or if I, you know,
46:14
if I was, you know, treatment, I thought I'd go to treatment and
46:18
then they'd send me to prison, right?
46:19
But I didn't know how I was going to stay sober and and I
46:25
cried out to God one day and I mean, more like I screamed, I
46:28
mean, I threw myself up against the wall I was in the infirmary
46:34
and the toilet and the shower were actually Of separated from
46:37
the cell in this jail and I threw myself up against the wall
46:41
over there by the toilet. And I just cried out to God, I
46:45
said, help me help me please because I don't know how I'm
46:50
going to do this and I didn't even know how sincere that cry
46:54
was, but God did right, and and I, so I thought, well, what can
47:00
I do? What can I do from behind bars,
47:03
right, because the people that brought the N AA meeting.
47:05
So that Never even showed up and I thought, how can I, what can I
47:09
do to help? Ensure that I stay sober when I
47:11
get out praying, I started praying and I cried, I screamed
47:15
out to God and I and I threw myself up against the wall and I
47:19
hit my knees and I just said, Mikey you're going to pray every
47:23
single night before you go to bed.
47:26
And that's what I started doing. So I start, you know, I'm
47:29
Catholic. So I start praying some little,
47:30
our fathers and Hail Marys right while I'm in there every night
47:34
before bed. And then, you know, So
47:36
eventually my prayers progressed a little bit.
47:38
So one night I'm praying to God and I knew that my youngest son
47:43
played football, and the only reason I knew that because I
47:45
hadn't seen him in five years was because I saw a picture of
47:48
him in a football uniform at my mom's right before I got locked
47:51
up and that really bothered me because I didn't even I didn't
47:55
even know he played football till I saw that picture.
47:58
So, I'm praying. And I'm talking to God and I'm
48:00
asking him to watch over my kids and I asked him to watch over my
48:04
youngest son while he played football.
48:07
And I was just kind of talking to God and I said, well maybe
48:09
when I get out God, if I stay sober I can go and I can watch
48:13
him play a football game, you know, and they call a Shakedown
48:16
in our cell. So I stopped praying and we all
48:19
get up and we walk down to the little beauty shop, right?
48:23
So they can search our self or Contraband and which is always a
48:27
hassle because the tear up everything right.
48:29
Everything. All right.
48:30
Yes. Absolutely.
48:32
So they don't find anything of course.
48:34
So we were On our way, back from the beauty shop and a male CEO.
48:39
Now mind you, I saw this officer every single day of my life
48:44
because I was in the infirmary and there were bars so you could
48:48
see the officers walking up and down the hallway, all day long.
48:51
So I saw this this officer every day, he never spoke not one word
48:57
to me, but this particular night he says, are you Mikey bobson?
49:02
And I said yes, and he said, are you Daniel Bob's ins mom?
49:06
And I said yes and he said, well, I'm your son's football
49:09
coach. Oh my gosh, and I want you to
49:12
know that you've got an amazing kid and that he scored a
49:14
touchdown the other day. So wow, that was my Moment of
49:20
clarity. Yeah, that was the moment that I
49:22
lost the desire to drink and use drugs, that was the moment that
49:27
I knew God existed and the and that in itself is huge because
49:32
you Clarity just, I mean, humans having to deal with their own
49:35
mortality, I mean, what's the likelihood of all that right?
49:38
What's the? And I knew with every fiber of
49:41
my being that that was God speaking about through that man.
49:43
I mean 10 minutes, 10 minutes, Brent, 10 minutes.
49:46
Prior I was praying for him to watch over my son play football.
49:50
That was God, talking to me. Yeah, and that was my moment and
49:55
and I knew that God was going to help me.
49:57
If I did the things that I knew to do to stay sober and that's
50:01
what I did. So, you know, I went to
50:03
treatment, okay, went to treatment was supposed to go
50:06
back. The jail for my court date the
50:07
next day by the but since I did go to treatment, they let me go
50:10
home that night went to court. The next day didn't get prison
50:13
got drug court and where did I go after I got out of court, I
50:16
went to the place that I go for a a meeting so 623 Club in
50:19
Belleville and I got a meeting schedule, right?
50:22
And I went to a meeting that night and I found my old sponsor
50:25
and I said, will you still be my sponsor?
50:27
And I got my butt in gear and I started working my 12 steps.
50:31
I did Gateway outpatient. Okay.
50:34
I wanted to see my children. My A other children before I had
50:37
this baby, I wanted to see him. I went to the courthouse and I
50:41
and I said, I want to see my kids, right, and they set a
50:44
court date for me to try to figure this out.
50:47
They like set a court date to reopen.
50:49
The, my husband divorced me, throughout all of this and that,
50:54
that custody court that I never showed up to, and I was in
50:56
active addiction. They set a court date to reopen
50:59
that now, they were supposed to charge me like 300 or something
51:02
dollars to set that court date. But the lady just happened to
51:05
not see that Didn't the computer because God was working in my
51:08
favor. They didn't even charge me the
51:10
money because I wouldn't have had it but they set a court
51:12
date. I'm at Gateway outpatient.
51:14
I meet a girl. An outpatient who really took a
51:17
liking to me? Okay, she happened to be married
51:20
to a K-9, cop. Whose best friend was a lawyer,
51:24
Danny katzman well his best friend was a lawyer and this
51:27
lawyer would supposedly do anything for her husband.
51:30
And she said I met this girl at treat at Gateway and I really
51:33
like her and she wants to see her kids and I You to ask Danny,
51:37
if he will help her. That man took my case, for no
51:40
money, no money at all. And I was getting supervised
51:44
visits with my children before I gave birth to the child inside
51:48
of me and by the grace of God, I got my stuff together when I did
51:52
because they were living in hell with her father, things were bad
51:55
for them. There was DCFS cases.
51:58
He was fighting. He was still drinking and in
52:01
active addiction, and, and things were really bad for them.
52:05
And Got my supervised visits and I had my baby and they were at
52:09
my house. All of the time all the time.
52:11
You know, just within a couple months and DCFS came to my door
52:16
and they were going to remove him from them and and because I
52:21
was Mom, and I was doing good, I had full custody of my children
52:25
with a no time, you know? And now when they when that
52:28
case, yeah, that's case first, right?
52:31
And when that case worker, showed up at my door, I went to
52:33
Danny katzman and I said, okay, now I would now Now we got to
52:36
get full custody of these kids and he never asked me for a dime
52:40
for the original, you know, for getting the the supervised
52:44
visits but I gave him every single penny I could because it
52:47
was only right, but then when he got me full custody of them
52:50
kids, he said now this one I'm gonna have to charge you for
52:53
because this is juvenile court and that was fine.
52:55
That was fine. And I made payments and he
52:57
helped me. And now here we are.
53:00
I've got full custody of my children.
53:02
Our lives are better than ever. I've You know, we've got a
53:07
house, my children are all excelling and doing well.
53:11
My oldest is 19. Now my youngest the baby is
53:15
going to be 5 May 26th. Well, I get along with their
53:18
dad, my ex-husband. I made my amends with him, we
53:21
get along. And my life is just, it's
53:25
amazing and it's I couldn't, I couldn't ask for anything
53:28
better. I'm literally living my dream
53:30
right now, I'm living my dream. This is the life.
53:33
I've always wanted and you stepped into To, you know, the
53:37
where you wanted to, but there was a lot of unknowns into that,
53:40
and I know you just told me before we got on here, that
53:43
you're going to get your master's from St.
53:45
Louis University in Social Work, social work.
53:51
I mean so many different things that you did from that moment.
53:55
You said it's over. Yeah, I'm going forward.
53:57
Yes. So what do you mean?
54:01
What do you, I guess, Mikey. What's your takeaway from?
54:04
All this? Like from the experiences that
54:06
you've lived, your whole life is at five year old scared
54:09
five-year-old, in that house to living through the things that
54:12
you didn't want to do. But you got caught up into what
54:17
would you do with the listeners that, what would you impart to
54:19
the audience of how, you know, what, what did you take away
54:24
from all this? Well, I want to say this, I am
54:31
thankful for the disease of addiction to be quite honest
54:35
because if I was not an addict, I would not be in the place in
54:41
my life that I'm at today. So if I had to redo every church
54:45
is helping By the way, which is helping people.
54:48
And if I had to do everything in my life over again, I would do
54:52
it exactly the same way, I would do it.
54:55
All again exactly the same way and even, even the pain, I
54:59
caused my poor children because because at the end of the day, I
55:04
am better now for those kids than I ever was before even
55:10
before I ever picked up my first drug, or my first drink, I am in
55:14
a better place now than I've ever been in my whole, Whole
55:17
life because I have peace inside of my soul because I have an
55:21
amazing relationship with my higher power who I call God.
55:26
And that is really what this life is.
55:27
All about God created us with an emptiness inside of us.
55:32
God created us with with a yearning and a thirsting for
55:37
him. Okay.
55:40
And he created us that way. So that we reach out and so that
55:43
we asked him to be in our lives that holds Post to be there
55:48
because it's supposed to be filled with God, right?
55:50
But we addicts are such difficult people that we will
55:55
literally explore every other Avenue to try to fill that
56:01
gaping hole inside of us to try to quench that thirst.
56:05
Sex drugs, alcohol food, shopping whatever, whatever we
56:10
will take every Avenue exhaust every Avenue but the only thing
56:15
that will fill that Hole inside of us is God, right?
56:19
And that's my takeaway is that I have made peace with my higher
56:23
power. And it has taken my life to a
56:27
whole nother level. And when I was a child, my daddy
56:32
would always say Mikey. All you need is God.
56:35
And when I was in my active addiction Mikey, all you need is
56:39
God. And I'd always say, what know
56:42
the answer could never be that simple.
56:44
He could never take away this pain.
56:46
That I've always felt Out the answer was that simple.
56:49
All I needed was God. So, with the with with though,
56:53
like how about your mom and your grandmother?
56:56
They still my mom is sober, my mom's been sober.
56:59
Six years, my mom's been sober a year longer than me and saw.
57:03
That is incredible. My mama got bad.
57:07
My mom was paralyzed from the waist down for three months, she
57:10
had to learn how to walk again, in a nursing home from nerve
57:13
damage from vodka, my mom. And then she She was sober for a
57:17
while and and then she started drinking again and and she was,
57:23
you know, this last time crawling on the ground to her
57:25
cell phone to call 911 because she was bleeding internally, she
57:28
was bleeding in her brain cirrhosis of the liver it, she
57:32
was going to die, but that was the last time she drank and she
57:36
got sober and she's got six years sober and my grandma's
57:39
still alive and great. And we have the most amazing,
57:42
wonderful relationship and my dad is still my biggest fan.
57:46
Wow. Always been my rock.
57:47
He's always made sure. He even sacrificed a
57:50
relationship with my children when I was in active addiction
57:53
because he wanted to make sure I was taking care of, he wanted to
57:56
make sure Mikey had a roof. And if Mikey had a roof, my
57:59
ex-husband wouldn't let my daddy, see them kids because he
58:01
knew I was there, but my dad always made sure that I was okay
58:06
and him and my grandma and my mom's prayers.
58:09
Yeah, are quite literally, why I believe I'm where I'm at today.
58:13
They prayed me into this place that I am in.
58:15
Yeah, right. Right?
58:17
And I know, I mean, it's incredible.
58:19
I mean that your family made it survived it and are back
58:23
together and clean and living the good life and, and you're
58:29
doing great things. I mean, that with this, you
58:32
know, Criminal Justice Criminal, Justice Ministries and giving
58:37
people a chance to find housing and helping and giving a helping
58:41
hand. And then, you know, going and
58:43
getting educated as you have and getting the Masters have to be
58:46
determined. Going to do all that, absolutely
58:48
ready. That's a success story.
58:50
Yeah. Well, during one of my sobriety
58:52
all that nightmare success. Yes, yes.
58:55
And that's what it is. During one of my sobriety
58:57
attempts after I had my third son, those three years when I
59:00
was doing good, I managed to pull an associate's degree.
59:02
It's crazy out of my butt, right?
59:04
So I had that associates degree and so you know, when I when I
59:08
got sober I said I'm going to go to school for social work
59:10
because my dad was a social worker and a therapist.
59:12
And that's always what I wanted to do and so I did.
59:16
Did and I did it. And, you know, I owe it.
59:19
I owe it to my fellow people, my fellow incarcerated individuals,
59:23
my fellow people who suffer from addiction, which you know, as
59:27
you well know, they're often comorbid with each other, but I
59:30
owe it to my fellows to give back, right?
59:34
Yes. What was so freely given to me?
59:37
Yeah, I mean that was God's will for me but you're making a
59:41
difference in a positive way. That's writing it.
59:44
Things in a positive good. And I, you know, I just think
59:48
it's I couldn't be more proud of how you've handled taking your
59:54
life and saying, I'm this is it I'm stepping into the right
59:58
direction and you did it and you're still doing it and
1:00:01
you're, you've got your kids and your family, your mom and your
1:00:05
dad, everything. That's what a great story.
1:00:08
Yes, it's absolutely beautiful and I'm thankful, I'm thankful
1:00:11
that everybody has helped me along the way and I'm just I'm
1:00:14
thankful to every person who Has helped me get to where I'm at
1:00:17
today. I'm thankful to God to my
1:00:19
family, to the program's of Alcoholics and Narcotics
1:00:22
Anonymous and to all the addicts that I helped on a daily basis
1:00:26
because it's in helping them that I stay sober.
1:00:29
Yeah. Right.
1:00:30
Chris a lot of gratitude all the way around it does and the last
1:00:33
thing I'll say kind of a neat thing.
1:00:35
So When I when I was I had been sober.
1:00:43
I don't know year and a half, maybe two years.
1:00:46
I was working at Hardee's as I was in undergrad right?
1:00:50
Going to school in my undergrad and I was working at Hardee's
1:00:54
and I saw this guy come through the drive-through and I was a
1:00:58
cashier, right? And I saw this guy come through
1:01:00
the drive-thru and I thought is that Lieutenant paneer, which
1:01:03
was the CEO from that County Jail, who God spoke through And
1:01:07
it turns out it wasn't him because I was doing the credit
1:01:09
card. So I saw the name and it wasn't
1:01:11
him and I and he went on and I said a little prayer.
1:01:15
I said, God I would love to see Lieutenant paneer one day so
1:01:20
that I could thank him for what he's done for me.
1:01:23
I swear to you and our later, Lieutenant paneer pulled through
1:01:28
the drive-thru at Hardee's and I was able to tell him how he had
1:01:33
helped me and what he did for me and it looked like he looked He
1:01:37
was having a really bad day that day and I told him who I was and
1:01:41
how I was doing and thank you. Thank you so much for what you
1:01:45
did for me and he just looked me dead in my eyes and he said,
1:01:48
that wasn't me. That was God.
1:01:50
Well, and then he drove away. That's powerful.
1:01:54
That's powerful. Let's leave it there.
1:01:57
Mikey. Thanks for being here today.
1:01:59
This is absolutely incredible story.
1:02:02
Brandon was right. Unbelievable.
1:02:04
I could be a movie type of story.
1:02:08
Listeners out there. Thanks so much for being here.
1:02:12
Love the likes shares. Subscribe!
1:02:15
We got we're on YouTube. Leave a review on Apple.
1:02:18
If you get a chance and my book nightmare success, I was down in
1:02:23
Springfield Missouri. This last weekend, I got to see
1:02:25
some of my relatives and some people I hadn't seen in a while
1:02:28
at the Barnes & Noble. It was great, everybody nine
1:02:32
more success in and out. Thanks for being here.