Latest / To Your Success! Podcast / Episode 53: Breaking Free from Other People's Expectations
Transcript
- speaker-0: Welcome to the To Your Success podcast, hosted by Krista Johnson and Ellen Solheim. Each bi-weekly episode takes a deep dive into how success and freedom is created and how you can start living the life you truly want now. Krista was top CEO of international companies for more than 20 years. He's done business in most parts of the world. Now he is an international success mentor, helping people and organizations to be successful. Ellen and Krista are partners in life and business. They truly live what they teach every day. They sail their beautiful 43-footer around the world while helping clients all over the world. They are proof that you can get all the freedom you've ever wanted. They truly live what they teach every single day. speaker-1: Warm welcome to the To Your Success podcast. ⁓ Welcome back to all our recurring viewers and visitors. ⁓ I'm Christa Johnson. With me today is my wife and business partner. speaker-0: You had to think about all who I was. I am Ellen Solan. ⁓ Okay. Okay. Today we have another topic, as always. speaker-1: As always, what are we gonna talk about today, speaker-0: Well, I was thinking about that and from an early age we are taught to fit in. We are taught to seek approval. We are taught to meet other people's expectations. ⁓ but what happens when those expectations stop us from becoming who we true who we are truly meant to be? So today I want us to talk about courage, courage and authenticity and the freedom that comes from living your own life. Mm-hmm. So why do we care so much about what other people think? speaker-1: Yeah. Let me just go one step back and if I forget the question, then repeat that. ⁓ was thinking about, it was Facebook or Instagram post by Richard Branson, know, the guy that made Virgin Atlantic Virgin Records and all that. And he's, he wrote that it feels like the time we are in now is all about optimization, optimization, right? ⁓ But the quantum leaps, they don't come from optimization. And you can say that all an AI is in my view, of course, they say it's artificial intelligence. I struggle with the intelligence thing, not my intelligence, but the AI intelligence. It's an engine, And engines are not intelligent, they are programmed and then they learn. And of course they become better and better and better. But they train them based on what has been done. So it's optimizing tool. We optimize, optimize, optimize. We have to, we have to differ or see it differently between what we can call a mechanical creativity and the true creativity. The mechanical creativity is like, You take a chair and you make it wider and it becomes a sofa. You refine something that already exists. That is AI. That is also how a lot of people live. Because they don't dare to think about what they truly want. Then where does the true creativity comes from? It comes from the universe. That is the spiritual side. You can call it quantum physics religion or... or spirituality, it's the same message again and again and again and even Dan Brown writes about it now so it's tending to be popular and accepted to know that we are part of one big thing one conscious thing where our brain and our mind tunes into something that creates true creativity true creativity and new things are never about fitting in optimizing is about fitting in And the reason why it's so important for us to fit in is because of our education or our socializing, how we are socialized as human beings. It starts very early. If you just smile, then mom will be happy. And it's not about the kid being happy, it's because then mom gets the confirmation that the kids like her and that she can make the kid happy, feeling good. That is not about how the kid feels, it's all about how the mom feels or the dad feels, right? That is called conditional love. Our society is not free at all. I would say it gets more and more and more narrow. You know, if I had been a kid today in school, I'm pretty sure I had, I don't know if I'd been on medicines or whatever, but you know, I told my teacher in fifth grade that he was wrong and he was so mad at me. But he was wrong. He had no idea. I knew a lot of things he didn't know and he didn't like that. So I said you don't know how to sail, I know how to sail. And then I was kicked out. But it's even worse today. You have to fit in. You have to fit in from kids are one year old. The society takes over most of their awake time. speaker-0: There's a speaker-1: Because mom and dad is supposed to work because the society needs that to grow. that's another discussion. And the growth of the economy and why that is important and the whole financial system. But we are taught that, you know, you have to fit in. If you do that, if you do that, if you do that, then you will be, then your life will be good to you. If you don't do that, then life will not be good to you, which is absolutely, excuse my French, it's bullshit. Life is not good to you. You are your life. So it's you being good to you. But you know, the road gets more and more more narrow. So we are not allowed to be free. If you say what you think today, YouTube shuts down your YouTube channel. EU can kick you out, can ban you from EU and freeze your bank accounts if you say something wrong. speaker-0: Yeah. Okay. ⁓ if we if we continue this probably they will shut this speaker-1: No they speaker-0: Okay. But how does how does fear of judgment limit our potential? speaker-1: Because we are taught that we are judged all the time. The teacher corrects with red pen. You can do that. Stand in line. Bok Kaspers Orkester, their beautiful song, Dansa på min grav, Dance on my grave. You shall stand in line and lie for the best of the course. But I want to teach you to dance on my grave, to be happy and enjoy life. It is very much that it's conditional love as long as we follow the system. Right? And there is nothing wrong with the system. It's just that we have to be strong. it goes back to conditional love, you know, if you just clean your room, then you will get chocolate. You see how you raise your kids? I raised my kids. Yeah. An interesting thing with kids is that they don't do what you say. They do what you do. So both my kids. speaker-0: Kill it. speaker-1: I mean both my kids, work a lot, they have great careers. But they work a lot. My daughter is a mom as well. She has to balance that. My son, he said to me, but dad, I told him you work too much. And then he said, but dad, you did the same thing. Yeah, but I was wrong. I told him, it's not worth it because I almost died from it. But now he's working too much again. 12, 14 hours a day. So, that's conditional law. If you just do that, if you just put in extra effort, if you just do that, if you just do that, then you will, then we will honor you. Maybe we'll get the salary raise, maybe we'll get the better position. Maybe you will do that. Maybe we will do that. Sometimes of course we have to make the investment. It's like running our own company. Sometimes there's a lot to do, right? Because we have to take some investments and switch. Yeah. speaker-0: So so how do you stop comparing yourself to others? speaker-1: Going back to Richard Branson's quote where it's optimizing or true or, or, or true creativity quantum leaps, making things like creating great new things. you have to, it starts with, with you being honest with yourself, right? Saying that this is what I want. Yeah. And it's difficult. It is absolutely difficult to be the other guys. Right. And don't care. Yeah, we feel that as well. speaker-0: Have you ever made a major decision decision based on other people's expectations? speaker-1: I think my whole career was built on other people's expectations. speaker-0: Yeah. So that's a major decision, yeah. speaker-1: Yeah, but I think so. Like looking for my parents saying that I was good. My dad told that he was proud of me when I was 80 years old. speaker-0: He never said it until then? No. Okay. I'm sure he meant it because it was a wonderful speaker-1: hidden. Of course, he was a wonderful man, right? But it's like we always long for this because we are taught it, right? If you behave well, then you get ice cream. And it's very, very conditional love. And we are, humans on a spiritual level, we are all looking for the unconditional love where you are just as good, you are good enough. But then the conditional love means that you are afraid of doing mistakes because the chocolate can be taken away. speaker-0: Mm-hmm. speaker-1: If you don't do what I want in time, then I take it away. Right? And you don't want that. So then you are easily trained to follow the conditional love. And we are all longing for the unconditional love. Unconditional love is totally effortless. It's no resistance. The feeling of love, true love, is no resistance. You just, I am. Right? I am. No expectations. The big... The one person that puts most of the expectations on you is you. speaker-0: Yeah, of course. Hmm. speaker-1: Mm-hmm. You know, when we met, I was really good at judging other people. ⁓ Who the fuck do you think you are? Write my book. And read my book. It starts with who the fuck do you think you are? That was the first sentence in my mind when people were ambitious on my time, right? Because I stretched my time a lot. speaker-0: You have changed a lot since then. speaker-1: But I was more judgmental on myself. Still am. Right? But now I don't do things now because I want to show other people. I do things now because I want to show myself. speaker-0: Right. So you kind of have become emotionally independent of what of what other people think. So how do you really become that person? speaker-1: You have to develop a really big give-death. speaker-0: I knew you would say that. speaker-1: Yeah, that is a quote from from our mentor. I have to develop a really strong give the fuck muscle. don't care It doesn't mean that you are that you're arrogant to other people It's just that you only take advice and you only listen and you only surround yourself and those people that are Important to you are those who have done what you truly want to do not everyone else, right? Yeah, so what happens when you are in personal growth and personal growth is a wonderful journey, right? It's absolutely wonderful, so I recommend everyone to do it. Because it's so fun. It's so fun. It's not about the money, it's about the freedom, the feeling, right? Today I want to get up early, then you get up early. Today I want to sleep a little bit extra, then you can sleep a little bit extra, right? Like we have. Not only about that, but we are soon going out sailing again, and doing quite some distance, and we're looking forward to that. But don't be so hard on yourself. In my diamond league we have clients, And what is... And it's by invitation only. We have worked with them for long time, we know them really well and they are really ambitious and they want to make quantum leaps, meaning that they expect... I want them to expect a lot of us and I want them to expect a lot of themselves. That the challenge is fast. What is one common denominator? That they are not happy with themselves. I wish I could, I don't do enough. I tend to slip. Of course we do. Forgive yourself, it's okay. We are humans, right? It's life. Let it go. At least you are aware that you slip. You don't fall off cliff and then you stay there for like one year. You can stay there for maybe one hour or two hours and then you correct yourself and say, ⁓ sorry, I slipped. It's not about that we slip or not. It's how fast do we pick up ourselves when we slip. how fast do we flip when we slip. That is what it is about. So don't be so judgmental. Life is about growth. Life is supposed to be fun. And the result is happiness. speaker-0: But when we when we care so much like most people care so much about other people's expectations, then it means that we compare ourselves to others. Do you think social media has a big role here? What kind of role is does social media have in this speaker-1: It had before bigger than now, right? Actually, Facebook lost a court case in the States to a young, I don't know if it was a man or a woman, because they said that they had harmed their psychological health at young age. So they actually lost that court case and they accepted it and then they tried to dig it away so it doesn't become a mass thing. But, okay. Is it important to five friends or 5,000 followers? The only reason why we have followers is because we reach more people because our goal is to help a lot of people. We have 12,000 people subscribing to the YouTube channel. We have 50 to 80,000 listening to our podcast. We want to grow more, not because it is important for my self-esteem, but because it's important for them. speaker-0: And but you know the fun fact is that most people that follow are not our friends and our friends don't follow us. speaker-1: Yeah, they just watch it and watch it and don't tell. All right? That's okay. But don't judge yourself so hard be nice to yourself be kind to yourself. You are yourself best friend All right, and if you don't love yourself, then who will love you? All right. It's not easy to demand true love from someone else when you don't love yourself Yeah, so can you look in the mirror and say I love me Not that you shall look in the mirror and say I love me, but that you love you. Right? It took me 50 years of my life to do that. Now I can say that I'm really proud of myself. I'm really proud of how I live. I'm very happy with my life. That doesn't mean that I don't want more. Always want me. You know that, I always want more. I don't you try that. I want that. I want that. I want that. And then you say, does this fit into life? And I don't. speaker-0: It doesn't it you just want it. Yeah. speaker-1: But I love these rockets of desire. ⁓ that would be nice. That could be cool. Should we try that? Yeah. But I'm not afraid of what others think, right? speaker-0: No you're not. And and what kind of freedom comes from that? Living authentically your life, being the person that you are? What kind of freedom do you get from that? speaker-1: It's important to note that this is not ruthless to other people. It is not to ignore other people's feeling. It is not arrogance. It is not selfishness, right? It is to meet other people with what we call the principle of increase. Principle of increase is that everyone you meet every day shall come better off meeting you, including yourself, including you. So you shall treat this day great for you, so that you grow. Right? What was your question again? speaker-0: What kind of freedom you you comes from living the authentic you, the authentical life. speaker-1: There is only one freedom and that is true freedom. It has nothing to do with money. It has nothing to do with how much you Happiness takes freedom. Freedom takes courage. Courage means that you have to have courage to stand up for yourself without being ruthless, without being unsensitive to other people. But if people say that I don't like you, that's okay. That's their problem, not my problem. speaker-0: Don't feel bad. speaker-1: No, the more hate, I mean we have haters. speaker-0: Yeah, we do. speaker-1: Well then we know we are on the right track, right? Yeah, and they are not our ideal clients, so it's okay. It's not a goal to have haters. It's a goal to be honest. And honesty is freedom as well. Tell what you think and say it in a nice way. You can ask this question as well. Is it good for the other people to hear what I have to say? If not, then don't say it. speaker-0: Yeah we do, yeah. So to wrap this up then, can I say that to break free from other people's expectation, what what is one challenge you would give to any of the listeners that they can try this this week or that it they could try now to actually be able to break free from other people's expectations? speaker-1: I think it starts with an honest, with a question that you have to answer honest and I want you to sit with that question and answer it honest. Who do you truly want to be? What kind of life do you truly want to live? And write that down. But be honest about it. And don't think about the how or no. If you want to be a millionaire, be that. We can teach you how to become that. It's not difficult at all. If you want to be free, if you want to run your own business, write that down. speaker-0: Mm-hmm. speaker-1: Yeah, if you want another family write it down be honest with yourself, right? I don't say you shall divorce but either you make it good or you live Don't stay mediocre, right? That's not always easy No, right? But you know if you want to have another job then apply for another job You have to take the action, but it starts with writing down that honest thing write it down And don't share it with others You don't have to do that. Just write it down and be honest. then you say, and you know, self-confidence doesn't come from external. ⁓ when I'm just, I, when I have this bank account of 5 million new euros, then I will be self-confident. No, you won't. First, your self-confidence and then you get the bank account. But if you make money, right, but it starts with self-confidence. That is to trust yourself. And that is why I say develop a strong give the F muscle. Because you are your best friend and it starts with you loving you and it starts with you defining how you want to live and who you want to be. And that will change everything in your life. speaker-0: Exactly. Thank you. You're welcome. That's a great challenge. speaker-1: It is. Okay. So thank you for listening. know, everything we do is to your success. Yes. ⁓ Please subscribe, share this with others that you think can become better versions of themselves by listening to us. And if you want to work with us, go to our website, christhedronson.com, click on the let's talk button and see if you qualify for a clarity call with us. Until next time, have a wonderful day. Bye bye for now. speaker-0: Thank you listening to this episode of To Your Success Podcast. Please leave us a rating and review on your favourite podcast platform. For more information on how Krista's mentoring programs can help you in your own life, visit KristaJohnson.com.