Latest / Nurtural Disasters / From Mexico to (Hannah) Montana
Transcript
- Lisa: Well, on that note, that's the end of Neutral Disaster. Ken: Welcome to Nurtural Disasters with Ken and Lisa. speaker-1: Tell your friends about it. Bye guys. Bye. Lisa: Hello and welcome to Nurtural Disasters. This is a podcast for those of us with toxic or emotionally immature parents. might not have a bunch of credentials next to our names, but we do have PhDs from the Hard Knocks University. Basically, want this to be a validating space for adult children of parents who had no business having children. Hi, welcome guys. Ken: Welcome. We're not gonna say the episode, so you're not gonna know what episode number it is in case we record it out of order. Lisa: Yeah. Ken: ⁓ like it's like a TV serial where it goes in order and has to go in order. It's a podcast. It's different topics every week. we're improving each episode. ⁓ People have been me they really enjoy it. So they're either being really nice or not saying anything mean to us. Lisa: Probably both, but... Yeah... kind of talk for a while. ⁓ know your mom in hospital. I was out of the country. So... I know if you want inform people about what happened to your mom, know everyone knows... ⁓ Well, the listeners know that has dementia, Ken: Yeah, I like it better that way. ⁓ mom has dementia, ⁓ pretty far along. She's completely non-verbal now, so she's very slow in everything she does. Yeah, ⁓ I think it's, in mind, it's kind of the most kind of thing because my mom spoke like five or six languages ⁓ and how it that someone that's that good at different languages just not be able to talk at the end of her life? Lisa: She's nonverbal. ⁓ my god. don't they say people who are bilingual or polyglots, they are less prone to dementia, Ken: would think so. So it's like kind of things that you would think is, this person is, my mom did a lot of like, ⁓ when owned a store, maybe like 15 years ago, she did a lot of mathematics, like practical mathematics, right? ⁓ Bookkeeping. So would think that would maybe prevent or maybe delay the Mimisha, even if you do have it. None of that was who knows? Maybe we'll know post maybe in a couple of years. We'll know what exactly happened. Lisa: there family history though? could be big factor. ⁓ Ken: It's a very interesting thing because not that I know of, my mom's siblings, all passed away from complications from cancer and my mom's cancer free. So you could take it as you will, what kind of odd genetics that is. Lisa: Yeah, yeah, that's so interesting. It's like when people die of lung cancer, they never smoked a cigarette in their life. It's one of those things. Ken: Yeah, so my dad ⁓ from lung cancer a couple years ago. I took him to go get his radiology. They blasted it with a little laser and it was gone in like maybe like a month. But he never smoked a day in his life. So the most obvious thing that came from ⁓ smoke. Because... ⁓ Back in the 80s, like when he was working in the office, like people were just smoking left and right and it was legal to smoke in a building. that. I just think it's odd whenever I watch like some old clip or like a movie or a TV show and people are smoking on a plane. You're literally in a capsule full of like combustible like oxygen and you know like nitrogen. It's like hey, could blow up you know in the fuselage. It's crazy that just blow up more often in air. Lisa: Yeah. Well, mean, I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. Ken: ⁓ yeah, so what happened was we were eating lunch while Midbite, she asleep. So what they to to us was that, ⁓ yeah, when you're older, sometimes your oxygen in bloodstream, you don't get enough oxygen in your brain, so you kind of pass out while you're doing things. This is what happened to her pretty much. Lisa: like mid-bite Ken: So, yeah, Midbite. So, because she fell asleep Midbite, we thought she was choking. Like, she passed out choking. So we were like, ⁓ no, what happened? She wakes up 30 seconds later. She starts chewing again. I was like, maybe that's some odd... Maybe she just dozed off a little bit. And this time, she passed out for like a good... five minutes. By that time, I called the ambulance already, so... ⁓ Lisa: That's so scary. Ken: Yeah, and the scary part was we didn't know what was going on. We didn't know she was choking to death or she just passed out. She just lost consciousness. And during this time, we're trying to see what happened, what's going on while I'm calling the ambulance. My dad's like shaking her. And here's the thing. I'm not a paramedic, but I've been told that if someone's choking, don't shake them. That doesn't help. So my dad's like shaking her. was like, stop that. She's not a ragdoll. Yeah, so she goes to ER. The ER we go to is not great, so I drove her to another ER. She spent like two nights there. And during the whole time, my dad's like, can we go home yet? I'm like, your wife? We don't know what's wrong with your wife, like it's... What do you need to go home for? It's not like you have to go home and work on something, right? It's like, you're gonna go home and you're gonna probably just sit there... And watch some YouTube videos or something like that. I was like, your wife is like, passed out, we don't know what's wrong with her, she can't communicate, so we're just trying to run some tests and my dad keeps begging to go home. And he does end up going home like at like 10.30 at night, I drive him home. and ⁓ I drive him home because I have to go to work the next day. I'm on probation at work, like I don't want to miss any days, so I'm taking like half days at work. I drive him home, I go home, I kinda just, you know, like I push out the trash can, the next day is trash day, and I gave my dad this really awkward hug. I'm like, here you go, like a half like shoulder hug, you know, that little, there you go, buddy. Yeah, side hug, side hug. So I leave, go back home. Lisa: Is it a side hug? Ken: I'm with my fiancee, we just eat dinner and I tell her what happened to my mom and the next day I like take a half day of work. go see her so my cousin and my sister could take a break. They were there the whole night. I'm with my mom, I'm with my mom for maybe like seven or eight hours and my dad's not there. ⁓ I don't know, he's at home, ⁓ didn't ask to go see my mom or anything, he's just chilling at home. And I really don't know what to say about that other than... I guess you don't want to see your wife then? Or he probably saw it wasn't that serious so... Why go and see her? Lisa: Mm. Ken: Yeah, I don't even know what you say about that, like... Lisa: What are Yeah. Dude, your dad's such a dick. Ken: Yeah, and the worst part is, okay, this past weekend, I go to my mother-in-law's house. I call her mom. my mom. She a hundred miles from where I live. my dad calls and he's like, ⁓ yeah, the bill came in. ⁓ It's like an itemized. Lisa: Yeah. Ken: list of everything they did in the hospital, like how much it costs. And he's like, well, I don't want to pay like $30,000. I'm like, Dad, that's not a bill. That's like what they're going to itemize to claim to insurance. I was like, well, insurance is not going cover it. Could you come back and take a look at this? I'm like, I can't come back. I'm not around. And he's like, he's just like, just come home. I'm like, just this is and he's he's done this before where it's like, oh, yeah. I need you to look at this thing. Drop whatever you're doing and take a look at this. I'm like, what am I gonna do about it? I'm not freaking insurance biller. Lisa: Ken, we do have an international audience for the non-Americans listening. These bills are ridiculous. American health insurance is a little weird. And the Europeans who are listening, and we have people in Asia, Latin America, and Europe listening. They're probably going, what the hell? $30,000? Remember, you told me it was a $30,000 bill. Ken: Yeah, it's a $30,000 bill and... Lisa: It's not, but it's not a real bill. It's like the insurance companies, give you a big bill and then they, it's just a big number and then they negotiate in the middle, you know? Yeah. Ken: Exactly. That's what happens. I worked in the hospital for a while. I worked in IT at a hospital, but I know how a hospital building works. And I'm trying to explain to him, hey, this is okay. We need to just wait. So, but he needs me to come back for some reason. I don't know what to do so he could just see me or I could just calm him down or something like that. was like, so he does this thing where he just keeps talking, right? So I have him on the phone and pretty much he doesn't listen to me anymore. So I just put the phone down, put it on speaker. stare at the phone. He talking, he doesn't notice that I'm not listening anymore. I told you too, there was a time where he kept talking and I just went dead silent, right? So he thinks I hung up on him. And so he's talking crap, was like, that's the son of a bitch, he fucking hung up on me. And then he eventually hangs up. Like I was just playing it, I was like, I'm just gonna listen to see what he says. I did that a couple times, he just keeps talking, I can't get a word in. Lisa: Yes. ⁓ it's so funny. That's that's like my dad he you'll monologue at you and you'll try to get a word in like you just try to interject you could literally walk away and he wouldn't even notice and then minutes of monologuing He goes, ⁓ were you trying to say something and I was like, honestly, I don't even remember what I said it took forever to risk like to get my anything in I literally forgot what I was gonna say Ken: Yeah, your dad probably just kept talking and you're like, I'm just gonna get a glass of water and get some popcorn and come back. And then, yeah, you know, you have a parent that's like, yeah, they go on a monologue. It's like, ⁓ good, Live Shakespeare. I'm just gonna sit here and see what happens. Lisa: Yeah Ken: Shakespeare by the Park but at your house. But that's pretty much what happens, like you're literally listening to someone just monologue to you. So no matter what you say to them, it's like, I'm gonna keep talking. Lisa: they're talking at you, not with you. Ken: I don't even know if they're talking at me anymore. I don't even know if they care if they have an audience at a certain point. You ever realize that you walk out of the room and they're still talking? I'm like, huh, I don't think they need me to be here. Lisa: You know what? I think that might be part of their lack of empathy. don't get the reciprocity of like, you don't even realize if other are even noticing. That's their lack of empathy, I think. Ken: I know you told me that your dad is just like he has trouble trying to communicate with people too so that might be compounded as well. As for my dad, just a motormoth. I'm not sure he cares about what other people think. Lisa: Yeah. Ken: I don't think he does. Lisa: sounds like have a lot to catch up on. know, I was out of the country. Ken: I know, tell me about your trip. Lisa: It was great. ⁓ For most part, it was great. We did get caught in that, like, El Mencho, you know, he was, ⁓ they caught in Puerto Vallarta. I was in Mexico City, so I guess the Mexican government and U.S. government, they worked in conjunction to capture this dude. And I was far enough away, but I getting texts and calls from people in the States going, ⁓ are you okay? ⁓ my God. And I like, I... And I didn't even know about it until people were texting me and I'm like, what? Then I checked the news. I'm like, oh, because I was so busy sightseeing and I went to my cousin's wedding. So I was just kind of focused on weren't impacted. Mexico City was not impacted at all. So. Ken: Yeah, understandably Mexico is actually by landmass a huge country. Like how many different states or provinces do they have? It's like 20 or 30? Yeah. Lisa: Mexican States. Ken: But it is a very big country. Lisa: 31 states. Ken: Yeah, it's a very big country. I think we underestimate like how big the country of Mexico is. Yeah, things are things are far apart too, so. Lisa: Yeah, well... Yeah, Mexico City in the state of Jalisco, it would take like seven hours to drive. It would be like going from here, like LA to San Francisco. Ken: I think even farther than that, it's more like LA to like almost the tip of California. ⁓ is a gigantic state. It's bigger than most countries. it's a huge, seven hours is like, like I think you could do most of the Eastern seaboard in the States in seven hours. That's how far it is. ⁓ Yeah. Lisa: Mm-hmm. Yeah, it was great. There was not a lot of drama like there usually is when I go to my Ken: Well, your mom's not there, so no drama. She's in the States, right? Lisa: You know what's so funny? I was the whole time I was thinking, oh my God, I hope she doesn't crash my cousin's wedding. Oh hell no. Oh no, he's a psychologist and he does not like her. He was like, was actually pissed when he found out that my mom falsely accused, well, my mom falsely accused my uncle of molesting his daughter. Ken: Not invited, it's that Uncle. Lisa: Yes. So, was telling me at first ⁓ sending me like all the screenshots and you know, it was all documented. And I said, you know what, you're dealing with someone personality disordered. Talk to ⁓ cousin. I'm not gonna say his name, but talk to, know, fill in the blank his name. And goes, he kept going and I was like, talk to him, talk to him. And then ⁓ I hear from him for a while. And then he calls me back and he goes, ⁓ my God, I talked to him for three hours. ⁓ he like, my god, ⁓ wonder ⁓ dad have us, he in another state that's like and a half hours south of Mexico City called Puebla and that's where he grew up. He's like, no wonder my dad, was, keeping us away from the drama. he's like, she's probably a sociopath. And if had gone through the court system to get him, you call it child protective services, to get him falsely accused gone further, he have diagnosed her with psychopathy. I was like, yeah, told you. And then He apologized to me because it's one of those things where like enablers they don't really understand it until it happens to them kind of a thing. And then, know, he's had no contact with her and. ⁓ But, know, it sucks that it happened, but it had to happen for him to kind of like open his eyes. ⁓ And, you when we first got to my grandmother's house in Mexico City, my uncle had the key. and he's opening the door and I was like, ⁓ it opens. mom didn't change the locks this time, because when she goes down to Mexico City, ⁓ will change the locks and give keys to certain people who are her little flying monkeys. ⁓ in my head, I was like, ⁓ we can get in, huh, fun. And we walk into the house and the walls are bare. There's no pictures, nothing, no paintings. And there's giant painting ⁓ of my that... ⁓ I'm not going to say that my mom slashed it because she personally did not slash that painting, but had my other aunt do it. And my aunt, she's she has a developmental disability. She's, I would about like around five years old, five, ⁓ maybe six old at the most, you know, can barely do basic math, barely. So, but even though she's like, literally like her birthday, was just recent and like, how long, how old did you turn? And she said, five five? Oh, 55. Yeah. it's too high of a number for her to know. So she'll say five five. That's how old she is. Like that level of developmental disability. So she manipulated her to slash up my uncle's, painting. And it was my grandmother's favorite painting actually. And it's this beautiful painting and my uncle restored it. Thank God, you know, he got some materials and it's just like, we can't have anything in this house because mom will just destroy this shit. And it reminded me of other things that happened when we lived upstairs in the house when I was growing up in Mexico City. We are one side of the house and the upstairs, there was these plants and my mom hated the fact that they had these plants and she said, they looked ugly, they looked ugly. So what she and her at the time. They grabbed these syringes. They bought these syringes from the pharmacy because you can buy them over the counter in Mexico. Filled them up with bleach. Would inject the plants. like, look, see how ugly they are? And just go to whoever they knew. Look how ugly they're withering and Yes, I, yeah, ⁓ that's the tip of the iceberg. Ken: ⁓ goodness. You ever wonder, that's all I remember that almost reminds me except like there was a mom that did that to her daughter like it was like munchausen by proxy like she would just making her daughter sick so she could take care of her This is literally like I'm gonna poison the plant so this plant just withers and dies. I was like wow, that's That's pretty brutal. afraid to know if your mom did that to another human being or even a pet Lisa: I don't know. Ken: Because the plant wouldn't stop her if she was like a psychopath, like it wouldn't stop her from doing it. Lisa: You know what? That's weird because it kind of unlocked another memory. when I was at the wedding, there was another cousin who was invited and he's very light skinned. Like ⁓ I'm pretty light but he's pale. And when we little, after my dad had left, he the house. he rented a room at a house with nuns or something, from I remember. She got me, my brother, and my cousin, who's light-skinned, and talked to the nuns and say, he left us. He left me with three of my kids ⁓ da-da-da-da, just making the sob story, making herself out to be the victim. And, the nuns were like, ⁓ my God, and they're all so light-skinned. I can't believe he did that to you. And she lied to them. ⁓ And I know to this day if he knows that she did that. but I don't- and I don't even know if they kicked him out because of it but she did that just to fuck with him Ken: That's pretty vindictive to try to get your husband kicked out of, I'm assuming, a... What was it, like a church? like a convent? To have like, kind of like... Like sanctuary. That mom pretty much lied to God and lied to clergy in order to do that. There has to be a special place in hell for that, right? Lisa: guess. The thing is that... Ken: If you're Catholic, you believe in the hell. Lisa: wanted ask my dad about that because ⁓ that I didn't even remember that until recently. I wanted ask him, but I didn't, I was like, at this point, why bring it up? Ken: if brought that up, it would hurt him. There's certain that you kind of repress and you don't want to think about again. So if it ever comes back up again, it just might trigger him in a way that you might not be able to predict his reaction to it. might not be ⁓ to tell him about and remind him of that situation. Lisa: was just wondering, maybe he was kicked out? I don't know. If he was and he had no idea why. didn't know the backstory of it. And I have the other piece of the puzzle. But at the same time, it's like, why bring it up? And ⁓ I know something they should probably bring up ⁓ with my but a lot of it I'm just kind of sick of just ugh. Ken: how did you find out about this? Did your mom tell you? Lisa: I remembered it. Ken: ⁓ you were actually there! Lisa: I was there, I was me, my brother and my cousin, the one who was light skinned and he was invited to the wedding. And I remembered and she took us she was like, took the three of us to ⁓ where they lived and said of the sob story to like humiliate him and make him look bad. And I remember that. Ken: Mm-hmm. How old were you? Lisa: maybe like five. Ken: Yeah, usually at that age, have very selective memory at that age, like you remember only certain things. can't remember what I did when I was five. Oh, trikey. I had a little tricycle that I had in my house and I had a tricycle in kindergarten. That's all I remember. Lisa: you I do have lapses in my memory and I do know that and my therapist said it was because my brain was trying to protect me. Ken: feel like unlocking any of those? Or it's like, should you really unlock them? Lisa: You know what? It's a little bit of both. But therapist said if I do it, have to... ⁓ highly, highly suggests that I do it through psychedelics. Ken: ⁓ we're talking about psychedelics again, huh? Lisa: Yeah, well he brought it up. ⁓ eventually I do want to do the ⁓ mushrooms But if it would be a micro dose, it wouldn't be full dose like I was saying in the previous episode. But in ⁓ conjunction talk therapy, Yeah, CBT. And slowly, ⁓ you know, unlocking memories and... make it bearable. it's just weird that it unlocked for me when I was in Mexico. Just thinking about things and looking at the house, you know, that my grandfather built. Ken: It must have been so vivid that you just pretty much like cataloged that you took a snapshot of that moment and pretty much it stayed with you. Lisa: I guess. It's kind of hard to describe. But. ⁓ Ken: You ever have those things like childhood memories? It almost seems like it's a movie, right? it's like, wait, did this happen to me or did I watch a movie and saw this happen to someone that was like me? And it's always like when you're a kid, it's tough for you to process. I remember, I kid you not, what was my earliest memory? I remember my family was living in this really small apartment. And for some reason, I look out the window, I think I was probably like two years old. Lisa: Mm-hmm. Ken: And I see a field, a field of like, you know, grass and stuff like that. was like, it was like a, it was like a plot of land that had no house on it. it's gonna have a house soon. For some reason, ⁓ was looking out and I see a bunch of like gizmos from the Gremlins, you know, like gizmo before he changes into the Gremlin. And like, there was like hundreds of them and they're all like playing together. And then I realized, that's not real. That was me dreaming during that time. Lisa: Yeah. Ken: But for some reason, it resonated to me as a childhood memory. So even as a kid, we also misremember certain things too, depending our circumstance. For me, for some reason, I was really... I liked the gremlins, I guess. ⁓ So worked into my... kinda like my memory. It is unlikely that there were a bunch of gizmos next door. Good to think though. Lisa: Mm-hmm. Yep. Ken: I was a very impressionable kid. thing is, horror movies used to scare me so much when I was a little kid. Like when my parents let me watch Poltergeist... Remember part where she gets sucked into the TV? ⁓ Lisa: ⁓ my god, yeah. Ken: We had this big wooden TV with a projection thing. was like, okay, we grew up, we're not, kids of the 90s, so we grew up with that fricking box. With a fricking, like, literally as a radiation box. I would refuse to stand within a couple feet of the TV just so I don't get sucked in. And that's how kids logic worked. Lisa: I can see that. Ken: I know, I'll be glad to be sucked into the TV now, that'll be great. Lisa: Yeah, depends what they show though, but Ken: Yeah, it was a good show. yeah, yeah, yeah. They're here. That's not a good show. That's not a good movie to be sucked into. Oh, that's like, that's a scary thing. was like, but yeah. But the thing is, my parents and my family members used to laugh when I was freaking out. I was like, is this really like a cool thing to watch a little frickin' three or four year olds freak out every now and frickin' weird commercial comes on of like a horror movie? Lisa: No. No, that's not age appropriate. Ken: They were just wanting to see the kids scream. Because I remember, even when I was a kid, my cousin, I had a cousin that used to give me like the worst gifts. it wasn't kid friendly gifts. Because remember when I was a kid, he got me like a King Kong, like stuffed animal and it was huge. And it was scary. And I was like five, so it freaked me the freak out. Like if he gave that to like a teenager, that would've been cool. Giving that to a five year old, that's pretty much asking for him to scream. So it's just And then my family always like reminded me of that. I had no idea. like, hey, remember you when you were scared of this? I was like, stop reminding me of stuff that I shouldn't think about. This is why I'm a weirdo, because you guys kept doing this. Stop reminding me of Poeter Guys and getting sucked into the TV. That really messes with a kid's development, I'm telling you. Lisa: Don't they say that narcissists are the worst gift-givers? Ken: If the gift is like a big pan of turds or something like that. It's kinda like that. Thank you for dis- Yeah, thank you for this gift. Lisa: or expired Thank you for this expired gift card that you gave me. And then when I told you it was expired, you raged at me and said it wasn't, ⁓ even I tried to cash it. And ⁓ I you a screenshot with a zero amount on it. ⁓ Ken: Is that what happened to you? From your mom? Lisa: It wasn't my mom, but it was another family member. Ken: boy. Let tell you about those gifts. As a kid, you kinda want cool gifts, right? Like you just, you want toy. ⁓ It doesn't to be the best toy. It just has to be like a decent toy at the store. I forgot what time it was when my parents just stopped caring about giving me gifts and just decided to give me money. As a kid, I don't really care about money. I'm pretty sure a lot of kids are the same, like we just want to be able to open something during Christmas or our birthday. You give me a gift card, I'm like, neat! Who's gonna drive me to the toy store now? That's what I was thinking. it became a point where every time I had a birthday, my parents would just give me money or a gift card. after a while, it was just like, ⁓ almost like you guys didn't care. And there's, yeah. Lisa: Yeah, it's like they don't know you. That's why they give you such shitty gifts. Ken: I don't even think it's that they don't know me, it's like they don't bother to know me. They think money is good and that's really how my dad trained me. It's like, ⁓ yeah, money's important. If I love you, I will give you money. And you train kid that way, he's gonna come out always thinking about money, which is pretty much what I do. I think about money a lot. I don't see money as a form of love, but I just see money as very important, unfortunately. Lisa: You know that reminds me of my mom because she can't connect with people on an emotional level like most narcissists, like pretty much every narcissist but their way of showing you is giving you things or money but there's, it's always conditional. There's always strings attached to it. So that's their way of kind of connecting because they can't really connect with people on an emotional level. It's fake. Every, any kind of connection that they have is very tenuous. Ken: Yeah, will you think your mom even has any knowledge of any of your interests or anything you do like? Lisa: funny you say that because you if you ask her my birthday she get the month right but not the day like she wasn't even there I was like were you fucking there how would you not know my actual birthday like the day date like she would forget my own birthday she gets the day before it's the day before She always says it the day before, but I'm like, no, it's this day. And she's like, no, it's this. I'm like, what do you mean? I know my own fucking birthday. And then for the longest time, she told people I went to USC. And I'm like, I never went to USC. And I was like, no, I don't go there. She's like, yes, you do. And I'm like, I don't go there. I've never been, I don't know. been. What the? Ken: You went there last week. You went to go get lunch at the student union. You went there. Lisa: Yes, you did. I was like, yes, you did. I'm like, no, I don't even go there. Ken: Well the thing is, she probably told a bunch of people that you were going there, so she needs to keep up the lie in case someone asks you, right? Lisa: I don't even know, her memory's terrible. Ken: I don't think it's a memory thing. That's like you never went to USC. How she just made that up in her head and she probably Was telling people that that's why I'm thinking. Okay, so what my daughter's going to USC. Isn't that expensive? Yeah. Yeah, but she has a scholarship and I pay the rest it's price It's probably a story that she tells people I know this because My loving aunt who passed away a couple years ago. She loved making up stories and I thought hey, she's a really good liar, but ⁓ I realize she's not the only liar in the family. My dad, his, ⁓ you know, they're not related. My dad's a perfect liar. Like he's, lying to a point where he makes up a story and he believes it's true. Lisa: Mm-hmm. Ken: And you know what the crazy thing is? He says the same thing about my sister. And my sister does make up stories. And believe this is true. I'm like, you two are perfect for each other. How are you two not like, just like, aw man. Best friends. They're not best friends, they hate each other, but yeah. They're only, they only join forces in order to make my life a living hell. Lisa: Mm-hmm. Weren't you telling me your sister's like developmentally, you said she's about 17? Ken: I really think so. She hasn't really progressed after like the teenage years. Like ⁓ feel like my sister perpetually feels like she's like 17 or 18. By the way, my sister's in her fifties now. Lisa: I know and she looks so young. I thought she was like maybe 30. She looks weird. Ken: Well, you haven't seen her in a while. She's kind of really... She's really... Like the anxiety and kind of like the mental health issues have really overtaken her like physical appearance. Lisa: Yeah, I know that's true. I haven't seen her in a few years, but was really surprised by how old she was, like her real age. ⁓ Ken: Yeah, she looked- she looked- cause you met her a couple years ago and this was like, what, maybe before COVID so she still looked a little bit youthful. This was before my mom had dementia. This was before her best friend, my god sister passed away. This was before a lot of things happened. So I always joke that I was like, oh yeah, you are- people always say that I look young. Lisa, you always tell me that I look young. Lisa: Asian don't raisin. Ken: But I'm telling you, during these five or six years when COVID happened and my dad got cancer and my god sister passing away, I had an uncle pass away, I had another aunt pass away, all that stuff added together, I think in the past six years, I've aged 20 years. I just look in the mirror, I just feel like I got so much older. was on Facebook, it gave me a picture from ⁓ when I went to Japan, like 10 years ago. And I looked at it, I was like, Wow, I looked really young. And that's really like, other people don't seem to see that I'm like aging, greatly. ⁓ can really see it. like, man, ⁓ really feel like I aged like 20 years in the past five years. It's been so stressful. Lisa: It's it's weird I always looked young for my age I know and it's funny because people say your mom must look really young too was your mom look did your mom look really young too and I was like yeah she did you know cuz my mom's pretty dark skin so it'd be like what they say beige don't ⁓ Ken: You too! Beys don't age and you know, sometimes evil doesn't seem to age very well. Lisa: ⁓ yeah, narcissists, live long lives. Ken: Yeah, Lisa: They stress everybody out, but they don't get sp- Ken: Well, they stress everybody out. I don't mean they don't age well. They actually age pretty well as the people around them that looks like they're like being sucked in, stuck, like they suck the life out of them. It's like they're like a husk. Like you're a husk right next to them and they look perfectly fine because evil is what drives their their you know, their virility, their youth. So someone that's like an asshole, it just seemingly seems like they're like, ⁓ man, that person looks really young. I wonder why. It's because she sucks to souls of the people around her. Lisa: Oh, you know when you told me that your sister's like 17 developmentally? That reminded me, I think my mom might be like developmentally stuck at like 14 or something, or maybe even 13. And you know, that reminded me, when I was still talking to her, think I was in college, not at USC, just to clarify that. she was... She was in the living room watching that Hannah Montana show. It's like Disney or Nickelodeon or one of those shows. And back when it was like popular. And I'm like... I see this woman in her 50s at that point. She's 67 now. And she would freak the fuck out if I said that ever. But she's 67. But she was in her 50s at this point. And watching Hannah Montana in the living room and I go... Ken: Mmm. Lisa: Why are you watching that show? She's like, because I like it. And then she watches it. She looks at the TV and she has this look on her face like the way children look at a TV. And I was like, and then it hit me like, oh, that's where she is mentally. Mentally, she's like a 13, a tween maybe. I don't know. That's where she stopped maturing. You know, that's the, I don't know. I was like, did something happen to her? at that time that was so traumatic. You know, they say like trauma freezes you at that age that the trauma happened or whatever. I was like, did something happen? Is that why she is the way she is? But she, and I didn't even know about narcissism at that point, but I was able to relate it. And I was like, yeah, that makes sense. Ken: Mm. Well, it's like being emotionally stunted at a certain point. Like there's certain people that are stunted at that age. it might not necessarily were that they are always at that age, but it's just like their comfort spot. they'll, they'll re like, they'll be more mature. I feel like my sister was way more mature maybe 20 years ago and just reverted back to her safe like age. ⁓ she uses it as pretty much like a leverage against dad. ⁓ I it shields her from certain types of responsibilities. Lisa: Hmm. Ken: And I really do feel for my sister. I love my sister a lot, but it's, it's, you can't reason with someone like that. Like I know it's a weird thing that a couple of days ago I went to go visit my mom I pull up in my car, slowly pull up. And then I see my sister. She looks at me a little bit. She runs out of the yard and runs away from home. It's the most ridiculous thing, like it's exactly how it sounds. Rather than saying hi and being civil and stuff like that and greet me, she just looks at me and turns the other way and walks away. Lisa: Did she run into the house or run away? Was it the time she ran away that you told me? Ken: There was a time she ran away and a lot of the times when she runs away it's to my dad because you if anybody live locally to like in America and especially in Southern California it's not particularly the safest place especially when you're in the city. We're living in the city, we're like a small suburb but it's still yeah, you don't go out in the middle of the night as a woman. It's just, that's just not how- how it works, right? It's still pretty, you have to be very cautious and stuff like that. My sister refuses to drive, so she's taking public transportation or she's walking on the street like that. it's like, it's asking for trouble, right? And my dad's freaking ⁓ because this really, this is the only thing that kind of gets to him, right? My sister, just how he kind of scares my dad. And my sister is so on it. Like this is what she, like kind of like mode of operation that she has. She knows that doing this will get a reaction out of my dad. Like I'm gonna go out, put myself in danger and that's gonna make you feel uncomfortable. And she does this not only from going out, but she's like, I'm going to take pills I'm going to overdose. You know, I'm going to go through that. And then my dad gets scared and then calls me ⁓ and I'm like, no, she's not type of person. Don't worry about it. But then my dad will always want me to drop whatever to, you know, be the adult in the room. Come over, talk to your sister. I was like, my sister hasn't talked to me in two or three years, so. Lisa: Wow, like your life has to stop and then you have to bend over backwards over for your sister Ken: Well, we- well yeah, exactly. So it's pretty much... I told you right, like in the beginning of the episode, like it's just... When something happens in the family, like, oh yeah, there's a $30,000 medical, like, sheet, like a bill that's coming in that's gonna get, charged, right? There's nothing I could do at that point, but he still wants me to go back home and, like, just be there. Don't know for what. Maybe just for moral support? But the thing is, he doesn't listen to me. He thinks I'm like a dumbass, so why is he calling me to come home? He doesn't believe anything I tell him. Like, I give him kind of like, advice. He doesn't listen to me. I'm still this, dumbass that- that's ⁓ often until he needs... for like, major help, right? Like, I'm there when... when stuff needs be done, I'm there. At a certain point, I'm like, Wait, I thought I'm the dumb one. I'm the unreliable one. I'm the one that's kind of like messed up in the head. So why am I taking this responsibility? And you know, his best line is, well, who else am I gonna call? Your family. every single time. It a catchphrase.