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Transcript

141. Living Without Fear - When Love Becomes A Decision | With Esther Buerki · LIVING WITHOUT FEAR

• 0:14
  Welcome dear soul. I'm really happy you're here.
• 0:18
  Whether this is your very first time listening or you've been
• 0:22
  walking with me for a while, thank you for being here right
• 0:27
  now. This is the first episode of the
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  new year, a new beginning, and I want to start this year with a
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  very conscious choice. Today I want to speak about love
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  and forgiveness. Not the easy kind, not the
• 0:47
  polished kind, but the lift kind.
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  The kind we choose again and again, even when all the
• 0:58
  patterns get triggered. If you don't know me yet, if you
• 1:03
  don't know where I come from, let me tell you this honestly.
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  I do not come from a family where love and forgiveness were
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  the strongest pillars. I come from generations where
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  parents and children were enclosed, where siblings didn't
• 1:25
  get along very well, where judgement, mistrust and
• 1:30
  resentment quietly shaped relationships.
• 1:36
  Let me share a little about my parents so you can see the
• 1:41
  bigger picture. My father turned 91 a few days
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  ago. He has been sceptical his whole
• 1:51
  life. When someone approaches him with
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  openness or kindness, his first reaction is often doubt.
• 2:02
  People aren't friendly. You have to be careful.
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  I heard these sentences again and again while growing up when
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  he wrote his memoirs, which I later turned into a book.
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  He spoke a lot about people who disappointed him during his
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  career as a high school director and as president of a pension
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  fund. And last year when I prepared
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  the sale of his 111 year old house, he told me repeatedly, be
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  careful, there are so many stumbling blocks.
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  Don't trust. And every time he said this,
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  something became very clear to me.
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  I saw how deeply this mistrust had shamed him and at the same
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  time I realised how far I had come because my default mode has
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  changed. In my mother's family, there was
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  a lot of resentment carried over decades.
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  My mom passed away last year, and at the end of her life there
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  were very few people she spoke about with warmth, and that
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  broke my heart. Resentment hurts.
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  It doesn't just hurt emotionally, it hurts physically
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  too. Holding bitterness poisons the
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  system slowly from the inside. And This is why I want to choose
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  differently this year. When I wake up in the morning, I
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  want to remind myself I choose love.
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  I choose trust. I choose love even when I'm not
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  treated kindly, because every human being carries their own
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  burdens, their own wounds, their own story.
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  I choose trust first because mistrust creates tension and
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  negative energy, and I don't want that in my body anymore.
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  And I also choose to be generous with myself because I know
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  myself. I will stumble.
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  I will fall back into emotions I didn't want to feel.
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  I will overreact. I will sometimes not be kind
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  enough to my two sons, to someone on the phone, to myself.
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  I am human and you are human, and we don't heal by being harsh
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  with ourselves, we heal by being gentle.
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  Forgiveness does not mean approving what happened.
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  Love does not mean allowing everything.
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  And choosing love does not mean losing boundaries.
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  Sometimes choosing love simply means this.
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  I don't want to carry this heaviness anymore.
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  I don't want my nervous system to live in constant defence.
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  I don't want my body to hold stories that no longer serve me.
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  Because our bodies remember. They remember what our minds try
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  to forget, and when we hold onto resentment for too long, it
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  tightens our chest, steals our breath, and hardens our hearts.
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  Love, on the other hand, softens.
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  It creates space. It allows life to flow again.
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  This choice to soften instead of harden.
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  It's not something we make once, it's something we practice.
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  Some days it feels easy, other days it feels almost impossible.
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  And still the choice remains. The beautiful thing is this.
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  It is never too late to start again.
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  Not tomorrow, not next year, but today, this afternoon, this
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  evening, I can choose love again.
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  Because I fell down, because I overreacted, because I wasn't
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  proud of myself. I can always come back.
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  Life can be messy. Life can feel unfair, but the
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  real power lies in how I choose to react.
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  Do I see what happens to me as a burden or as a gift to learn
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  something new? What meaning do I give to my
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  daily stories? Do I scold myself or do I help
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  myself move into a more beautiful inner state?
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  Dear listener, if you believe you don't have much control over
• 8:13
  your life, I gently invite you to question that thought.
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  You have more control than you think because you are the one
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  who gives meaning to what happens to you.
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  And when you choose love or bitterness, when you choose
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  trust or resentment, you create a life more beautiful than the
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  one you may have learned from your family.
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  So let this be your reminder. I choose love.
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  I choose trust even when the circumstances aren't positive.
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  I promise you this. When you are ready to let go of
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  old family patterns and create new ones and choose them again
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  and again, you will change more than you ever imagined.
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  And if you feel that something inside you is ready to shift, if
• 9:29
  you want support in gently releasing old patterns and
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  emotional weight, Ioffer one-on-one coaching sessions.
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  They are a safe and compassionate space, A space for
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  honesty, for clarity, for change that feels light, not forced.
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  You'll find all the details in the show notes, and if you feel
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  a quiet yes inside, I'd love to walk a piece of this path with
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  you. I wish you the most beautiful
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  ear, a ear full of love and trust.
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  Love for yourself and love for others.
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  Thank you for listening, and thank you for choosing love.