Latest / ok storytime / My boss FABRICATED complaints about me… I think she's setting me up to be fired! -r/careerguidance | Reddit Stories | EP3051

Transcript

My boss FABRICATED complaints about me… I think she's setting me up to be fired! -r/careerguidance | Reddit Stories | EP3051 · ok storytime

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Angie. And this is Carly, your favorite
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: OK Storytime hosts, and we've got some great stories coming up.
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: But before that, we have a quick two-minute break from
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: our sponsors that keep the show alive. My boss fabricated
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: complaints about me. I think she's setting me up to
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: be fired.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: Why don't you fabricate yourself a new boss out of
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: sticks and mud?
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: I just had a brutal one-on-one with my boss. They
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: informed me that they are documenting the conversation and have
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: already talked to HR. I summarized her feedback below. Several
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: stakeholders and people from the wider team approached her about
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: an emergency meeting I called after a colleague announced she's leaving.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: Side note, this colleague was being let go by this
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: same boss, not leaving by her own choice. According to her,
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: I was extremely emotional, not able to verbalize, and shared
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: information that wasn't my news to share. This behavior rattled
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: and destabilized the team and derailed the team's emotional security,
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: and this is not appropriate behavior for a lead. She
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: also said I declined another meeting and that a colleague
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: messaged her asking what they should do. Note, I declined
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: due to a family emergency and directly asked the colleague
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: to have this meeting with another person on the team,
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: and she agreed. She told me everything doesn't scream trust
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: and that they have lost this trust in me. What?
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: Wait a minute, so they fire your team member... The
• 1:24
  Speaker 3: team gets emotional about it, and then they go, this
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: is your fault.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: What?
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from PureWater11, and if you
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: want to submit your own stories, go to the r
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: slash OKStoryTime subreddit. I'm Savannah.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: I'm Dakota.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: And we're here to give some good advice goofily, but
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: guess what? We don't have all the answers. We'd only
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: tell you what we would do, so let us know
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: what you would do down in the comments. As OP says,
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: she added that she received feedback from stakeholders saying, Nancy,
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: this is my highest performing agent, is struggling. Meanwhile, I
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: keep telling her Nancy's doing great, which she finds very concerning.
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: Because of these situations, she told me to evaluate if
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: leading people is something that's for me. She said she
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: already spoke to HR that they told her to have
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: this conversation and that she will share these notes with them.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: She finished by telling me to think about what is
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: making me so bothered and to let her know how
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: she can help. I am in total shock. I told
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: her I appreciate her honest communication and am really grateful
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: for the feedback and will think about it. I didn't
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: get a chance to say anything else beyond that because
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: she had her mind and script set up already with
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: the points above.
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: Office environment, because if that person if I'm a team leader,
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: she just fired one of our like, you know, like
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: longstanding members, people are upset. And then she comes to
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: me and goes, yeah, we're kind of feeling a lack
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: of trust.
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: I'd be like, I would just like. You're like, I'm.
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: Sorry, are you insane? You don't trust us? You just
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: fired Samantha or whatever.
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: What?
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: And now our best team member, you're saying that you're
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: questioning my leadership skills because what? Because one team member
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: is maybe not doing as well as she used to?
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: I don't know. I hate this stuff.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I would want to know. I feel like we
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: haven't gotten to the real issue yet, but I really
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: need to know. It's like we have pieces of the puzzle,
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: but they're not all fitting.
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: It feels to me my gut would be like she
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: wants to get you out of the leadership position because
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: she has someone else in mind she wants to bring
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: in and be a leader in the company.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that could be it. I tried to clarify that
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: I have a great relationship with my team. I have
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: their documented positive feedback. Although I agree I shouldn't have
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: cried in front of them while sharing that news about
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: our colleague leaving. Okay, so, I mean, you're allowed to
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: show emotion.
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: I mean, I kind of do agree with that.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: Like, you should do it professionally. Like, I guess, yeah,
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: that is tough.
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: It shouldn't be like, now we're questioning your ability to
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: be the actual team leader. Because I don't think anyone
• 4:13
  Speaker 3: would look at that and be like, oh yeah, you
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: care so much about your employees and your team.
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: That's so bad.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: This really just stinks.
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: It feels like your boss has maybe been looking for
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: an excuse to bring somebody else into your role.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: Note, this colleague has been the longest serving member in
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: the team. Everyone loves her and I was rooting for
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: her to be our next boss. But this new boss
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: told her the same thing she just told me. People
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: leadership is not for her. She offered her paid leave
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: while she finds another job. What do I do? Please.
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: So this is new boss.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: This is new boss.
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: It's making even more sense now. New boss comes in,
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: wants her own new people on the job.
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: Says, hey, you're out. Longest member of the team. You're gone. Oh,
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: you were upset about that decision? You're gone. We don't
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: trust you.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: That's true. I do feel like that's kind of what's happening.
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: God, I hate these guys.
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: I hate being ambushed like this, where it's like you
• 5:12
  Speaker 3: expect one thing, and then you go into it, and
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: they're just like.
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, by the way, bing, bang, boom, bum, bum. And
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: you're like, whoa, I thought we were going to talk
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: about one thing. Now you're bringing up things I'm not
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: prepared to defend myself about.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like coming to someone and being like, oh, here's
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: 10 things that are an issue. Defend them. And tell
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: us why. I'm like, I didn't even know these were
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: an issue. I don't know.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: Heath Ledger and the other, the woman. Ten things I
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: hate about you. Edit.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: Answering some of the questions in the comments, I actually
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: asked the colleague who's leaving if I could share this
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: news with my team first, and she agreed. The goal
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: here was to lessen the shock for my team before
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: the wider group found out. The next day when everyone
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: else found out, there was additional crying and protesting and
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: people saying all sorts of things in the presence of
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: the new boss. While my own team and myself were
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: quiet and unemotional because we already knew. So you took
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: the liberty of not, oh, this is hard. Because technically,
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: I don't know if like, so if someone leaves, I
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: don't know if you can really, if you're allowed to
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: like tell people. I know like obviously like they can
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: tell like the other people in the company, but I
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: feel like the leader or boss or whatever tries to
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: sit everyone down and do that.
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: It sounds like your new boss fired everyone's favorite coworker
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: and then everyone got upset at the new boss and
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: somehow the boss is trying to spin it so that
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: it's your fault because you didn't have enough of a
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: reign on your team to keep them from being emotional
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: about it. Everyone's favorite coworker being let go. The person
• 7:03
  Speaker 3: everyone thought was going to be the next boss.
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, this, yeah. I hate it.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know.
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: Hate it. So glad I don't have to deal with it.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: I really don't know who those other stakeholders were or
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: whether she actually went to HR or not.
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: Who is holding all these stakes?
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: I don't have a PIP, but I noticed this is
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: something she did before she let go of the other person.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: She went around having one-on-ones with everyone, highlighting random missteps
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: of this person and seeing how people react. I didn't
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: give in to this, but I wouldn't be surprised if
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: others got scared and said, yeah, she made a mistake
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: here and here. So I wouldn't be surprised if that's
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: what she's doing with me too, going around trying to
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: get confirmation on things she puts out there. And there
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: is an update. I mean, that's really crappy if that's
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: what she is doing. And I don't know how that's
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: going to bring up company morale if you're just going
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: to fire every single person and hire new people.
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: What an absolute snake in the grass.
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: I wouldn't be surprised if her directive was fire as
• 8:03
  Speaker 3: many people as you can because we're just going to
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: replace them with AI.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: I mean, yeah. That's crazy.
• 8:08
  Speaker 3: Which I can't wait for every company that fully optimized
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: to be AI goes fully bankrupt.
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: I cannot wait for that. I cannot wait for the
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: inevitability of the entire world going... Just going, no, we
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: don't want this.
• 8:22
  Speaker 3: And then the companies that spent a trillion dollars just
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: becoming robots being left with nothing.
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: I can't wait for that.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: Update. Clarification. The above points were quoted verbatim from my boss.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: Not entirely what really happened, at least not with 100% accuracy. Also,
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: to clarify regarding Nancy, my boss didn't say she's underperforming.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: She said there's too much on her plate, which is
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: something I literally told my boss in the first place
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: and raised as part of her performance review to justify
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: her higher rating. My boss rejected my high rating at
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: the time. Now she comes back to me and tells
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: me to reduce Nancy's workload based on those anonymous stakeholder feedbacks.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: This specific person is also widely loved and kind of
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: the superstar of the team, so I'm surprised that instead
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: of rewarding her, my boss wants to remove projects from her.
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: My boss sent me a message the next day recapping
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: the meeting takeaways in writing, and in her writing, she
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: said I missed several meetings, team communication was overall not good,
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: many stakeholders lost trust, and so on. Meanwhile, all the
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: actual documented feedback from my team and stakeholders is beyond positive. Truly,
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: I'm lucky to be receiving such all-around amazing feedback with
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: some pointers on what to improve. But none of it
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: implies any lost trust the way she's describing it.
• 9:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah, dude, you need to reply to that message and
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: be like, so first of all, didn't miss any of
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: those meetings. Just wanted to make that very clear. Here's
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: the evidence that I was in those meetings. And I
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: would love some more details on what the issues are
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: from our stakeholders what the issues are specifically about communication,
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: what can be improved.
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: Like, please. Like, please, I would love to have more
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: insight on you from this.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: One thing that I hate is when like a boss
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: or like someone higher up calls you into their office
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: and they have an issue and they can't actually say
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: what the issue is. And I'm like, how am I
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: supposed to understand what is wrong when you can't tell me?
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: You know, I really feel like this person is just
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: trying to fire people to bring in their own.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: And that's why I would respond and be like, Yeah,
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: tell me exactly in more detail what you're talking about.
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: And like, thank you so much for bringing this up.
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: I would love to know more about it. And like,
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: if they can't, then, you know, you have enough, you know,
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: you have a little evidence to go to.
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: HR and be like, yeah, it feels like I'm being targeted.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because it's just, it doesn't make any sense to
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: me why this would all of a sudden come around.
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: I mean, I guess like when you're a new boss,
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: you want to do one-on-ones to get to know the people, whatever.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: But I feel like she's pinning people against each other
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: to be like, what is this person done wrong? What
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: should you warn me about?
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: She's sitting down with people being like, so Gloria, did she,
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: what if, what has she done wrong recently? Hmm.
• 11:17
  Speaker 4: Nothing.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: Are you sure that's being honest?
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: It's like the guilty until proven innocent thing. And it's
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: just weird. Her recap message. Plus the commenters advice raised
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: alarm bells in my head because she's completely fabricating facts
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: at this point. And she didn't share any names, documentation,
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: or HR involvement in writing. I replied, thanking her for
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: the recap and clarifying that no meetings were missed. Seriously.
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: And I put a link to the meeting agenda, takeaways,
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: and attendees for the specific ones she accused me of missing.
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: I also agreed with her that I will stick to
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: a strict professional manner with no emotions going forward. Separately,
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: I am collecting documents of the actual facts. Thank you
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: everyone who suggested documentation. and will reach out to HR
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: discreetly to ask for advice. It is very interesting that
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: she said she'll reach out to them, but the way
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: it works at our company is that she'll have to
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: create a three-way HR thread with me present in it.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: So I'm not sure why this doesn't happen and no
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: PIP exists yet. To everyone who said that leadership isn't
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: for me, you're absolutely right, especially not at this company.
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: I've been a manager for 10 plus years at several companies,
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: and my teams have always been the top performing and
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: most engaged. It shows in our numbers too. However, I
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: do tend to side with my team against senior leadership
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: a little too often, which obviously puts me in horrible
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: situations like this.
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: Nah, don't let them brainwash you.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because I think that that's a better idea. As
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: much as you want to, you know, I guess suck
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: up or whatever, like follow instructions from the higher-ups and whatever,
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: if they're doing something wrong, you should be able to
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: call them out because not everyone's perfect. Like not in
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: like a mean way of like, well, I could do
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: better than you or something like that. But just being like, hey,
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: I noticed that you actually didn't document this right. Can
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: I help you do that? Or do you want me
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: to show you how we usually do it? You know,
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: type of thing. Like it doesn't have to be, you know,
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: rude or mean in any way. I don't know. It's
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: just to me, it's like I would rather have this
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: situation with like, siding with my team to make sure
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: that we are all engaging properly and also being on
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: the same page rather than everyone like hating me because
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: I just followed the boss and don't care about them.
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: You know?
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: One bagrillion percent.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: Honestly, I've never cried in front of anyone in my life,
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: let alone at work, but I'm at a point in
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: my life right now where I can't do this anymore.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: I really can't. I've seen the ugliest sides of corporate
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: America and many corporates abroad and and the level of
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: corruption is sickening. This is why I cannot exist in
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: leadership positions because I'll fight those managers instead of playing
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: office politics. The things I've seen and heard over the
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: years and the way others respond with laughter instead of
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: utter shock at some of the things that are said
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: is something I'm still in denial of. I updated my
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: resume and will start looking. I will keep you posted
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: if anything major happens. I'm just really grateful to receive
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: all your advice here. Thank you from the bottom of
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: my heart.
• 14:24
  Speaker 4: Wow.
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: And that's it. I mean, OP, I wish you luck.
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: I think that you, I like how you do things,
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: how you stand up for your team and you make sure,
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: you know, you are a team leader. It seems like
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: in this, in this way of sticking up for your team, not,
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: you know, singling out anyone, making them feel uncomfortable or
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: whatever you took the initiative and said, Hey, you know,
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: I just talked with Nancy and she said, she's going
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: to be gone. You know, she's getting fired, whatever, blah, blah, blah.
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: Just wanted to let you guys know before, you know,
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: you hear anything else and whatnot. Like, I just want
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: to get the story straight now. And your boss, I
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: don't know, like just reacted weirdly to that. And that's
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: the end of the story. We're going to go on
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: to the next one. My coworker took photos to get
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: me fired because I got a promotion.
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: Were they good photos?
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: I work at one of the bottom of the barrel
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: retail stores. Forever 21.
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: Oshkosh Bagosh.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: Macy's?
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: Oh, no. Claire's.
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: Claire's.
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: I could see Claire's.
• 15:29
  Speaker 4: Claire's.
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: My job is giving children infections in their ears. Aw,
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: that's true.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: It was not my first choice of job, but with
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: being a full-time student, the hours and pay were decent.
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: It's a five-minute drive away, something I could do for
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: a year until I get into a nursing program. Very
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: quickly after getting hired, I got promoted to assistant manager.
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: Let's call her Mary. Mary was the other assistant manager.
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: We have two. And she didn't really like that I
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: got promoted so quickly as she said she's 15 and
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: took her three years and it wasn't fair. Right when
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: she said that, I feared she was going to have
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: problems with me. For a while, I thought maybe I
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: was wrong and it was an off day for her.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: She seemed friendly at work. She joked with me. Until
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: one night, I started getting bombarded with texts and calls
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: from her at 11 p.m. She was obviously wasted and
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: slurring her words, accusing me of talking crap, trying to
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: one-up her, trying to replace her. Ma'am, this is a
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: Dollar Tree.
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: Dang.
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah, no, that's actually Dollar Tree is built on exploiting
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: their workforce.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I've heard like horror stories.
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Like they, they actually like, um, not care. They
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: do not care.
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: And there's, there's audio of like their CEO, like talking
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: about like shrink flation and greed flation and being like,
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: people are.
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: Just too stupid.
• 16:58
  Speaker 3: Like we can make our products as small as they want,
• 17:01
  Speaker 3: as we want.
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: And people will buy it.
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: And like, you know, people have no other option, but
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: to shop with us when they do. So like we
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: have a captive market. And in terms of our employees,
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: it's like, we only need like one person per store.
• 17:12
  Speaker 3: It's like if we can cut our overhead like as
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: much as possible, then we're golden. It's like I see
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: I see this is a very good future. It's like meanwhile,
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: it's like people are getting like robbed, like held up, like,
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: you know, attacked. And it's just like they're just alone
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: in the Dollar Tree. They take like a five minute break.
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: like reprimanded by some mysterious entity. They're like, they're, they're
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: somehow able to single handedly run the Dollar Tree store.
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: But then the moment they take like their own liberty
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: to do anything, like some hammer comes down from above
• 17:45
  Speaker 3: and just smacks them in the head.
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: Dollar Tree sucks. Don't shop at Dollar Tree.
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: I love Dollar Tree.
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: If we ever get a sponsorship advert Dollar Tree, I'll
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: be like, do not read that. We do not, we
• 17:57
  Speaker 3: do not mess with Dollar Tree in this house.
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: I didn't even ask for the ASM position. I just
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: do my job well and go home. I'm never going
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: to aspire to manager the store one day. I'll be
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: gone in a year. Blocked, ignored, left on read. By
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: the way, this comes from RepulsiveStay3672, and if you want
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: OKStoryTime subreddit. I'm Savannah.
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: I'm Dakota.
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: And we are here to tell you about some stuff.
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: Maybe laugh, maybe cry. I don't know. Something's going to
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: happen here. But all I know is that I do
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: not know everything. And neither does this guy. But you
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: might know some stuff. So why don't you tell us
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: in the comments and we'll tell you right now. As if,
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: he says. I told her store manager about it and
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: he was like, yikes. Yeah, she's like that. I'll talk
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: to her. That talk made things worse. This pattern repeated
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: itself six times before I went to the district manager
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: about it. And then when she said, we all have
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: bad days, this job ain't easy, I went to HR. HR? Oh,
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: there is no person you can speak to. No email
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: that gains replies. Some outsourced company makes a note of it.
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: Then you never hear again. The worst of it was
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: she closed the store one night and forgot to lock up.
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: She was nearly fired and she had the gall to
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: accuse me of coming to the store in the middle
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: of the night to unlock the door and frame her. Uh-uh. No.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: I live rent-free in this woman's head. I was three
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: hours away camping. It caused the company to launch an
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: investigation and she ended up only getting a slap on
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: the wrist because no customer stole anything the morning it
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: was unlocked. So I decided I'm just going to fully
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: ignore her. No hellos or goodbyes. respectful professional communication, and
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: keep your number blocked. She's currently on PTO. She came
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: in tonight blitzed out of her mask. mind stumbling mumbling
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: glaring at me just the dirtiest most angry glare i've
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: ever seen a human produce i ignored it and acted
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: friendly and normal and this only seemed to enrage her
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: more about 30 minutes later i get a call from
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: the store manager saying that she just unloaded on him
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: saying that I get special treatment and it isn't fair.
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: I act like I'm running the store while she's gone.
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: I mean, I am. It's my role. She says she
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: took lots of revealing photos of me breaking rules while
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: she came in tonight and this is finally going to
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: get me fired, but I didn't break a single rule.
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: I thoroughly did inventory, which is her job, tonight because
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: it's going to be due before she gets back from
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: PTO and we will all get in trouble if we
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: don't get it finished. I don't like this girl.
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: Please, please work anywhere else.
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I understand that this is just like a temporary job. So,
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: you know, suck it up and just deal with it.
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: You're going to have people you don't like at your job.
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: But if you're not going to like it, is it
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: if this is not going to become a career of yours,
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: then it doesn't matter. Like go there, get the paycheck,
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: move on.
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: No, I honestly like work anywhere else but Dollar Tree.
• 21:05
  Speaker 3: Any other place on the planet besides Dollar Tree.
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: I'm sure you can find something.
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. Even going to a little pizza shop or something.
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: Anything.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: Like a donut place.
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, dude. Work for the Vietnamese grandma at the donut shop.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: She'll treat you nice.
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: Or she might not, but it's coin flip, but it's
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: better than the Dollar Tree.
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: It's a coin flip, but, you know, take your chances.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: I don't go on my phone. I don't come into
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: work high. I study on my breaks. I'm never late.
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: I rarely call out. I know how to perform all
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: the actions at my job, and I'm the only person
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: who consistently does them. Not a single employee at my
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: job has voiced a complaint about me. Except her. The
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: district manager has had to send out multiple messages asking
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: people to stop contacting her with complaints. It's daily for her.
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: I don't know why they just haven't fired my coworker. Anyhow,
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: I'll be out of there in a few more months
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: if I can manage it. I almost caved and sent
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: her a message, but I'm trying to stay strong. Just
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: needed to vent. Honestly, OP, I think that you're doing
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: the right thing. I think just, you know, you don't
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: have to cause any issues. If she's gonna like complain, whatever,
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: be like, cool, guess what? I'm leaving in a few months.
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: Then you can have your position back or whatever you want.
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: You'll never have to deal with me again. Just I'm
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: just here for the paycheck. I just need a summer
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: job until I go back to school or whatever you're doing.
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: It's just, I hate that for you. I hate that
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: you have to deal with drama because you're just a student.
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: You want to work, get extra money on the side.
• 22:45
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: But of course, someone has to ruin your day because
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: why not? And that's the end of the story. We're
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: going to go on to the next one. Hey, it's Carly,
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: your favorite Jersey girl here. We're going to get back
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: to the stories, but here's three minutes of ads from
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: our sponsors.
• 23:01
  Speaker 2: My company tried to make me inherit work I wasn't
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: hired for, so I drew a line.
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: I have too much work already. Get out of my face.
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: I started a new job recently as a data analyst,
• 23:14
  Speaker 3: basically someone who organizes information and builds reports. The role
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: was pitched as making dashboards, which are visual reports for managers, reporting,
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: fixing messy data systems, and improving processes. A few weeks in,
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: I'm realizing the real job may be something very different.
• 23:31
  Speaker 3: There's a long-time finance employee retiring at the end of June.
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: Let's call him Richard.
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: Richard owns several critical reporting processes that feed the company's
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: big numbers. Basically, all the spreadsheets and reports that tell
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: leadership how the company is performing financially. The problem is
• 23:50
  Speaker 3: that only Richard really knows how it all works.
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: How is this possible? There's only one guy in the
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: whole company that knows how the reports on their money works?
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: That is a little weird. I feel like it should
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: go through a couple different people, but I don't know.
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: I'm not a data analyst.
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: I don't know. It's just so insane to me.
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: Anyway, I've had a few training sessions with him, and
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: after recording and transcribing them, the instruction manual I've been
• 24:20
  Speaker 3: building is already over 10 pages and maybe feels 10% complete.
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: Every session reveals another hidden step or weird exception. Richard
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: keeps calling it straightforward, but it is only straightforward because
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: he has done it for years.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from user FeelingExtreme7555.
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: If you want to submit your own stories, go to
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: the r slash OKStoryTime subreddit.
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: I'm Dakota.
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: And I'm Savannah.
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: And we're going to read this story, and we're going
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: to have our thoughts. You get to have yours in
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: the comments, and we'll tell you ours right now. We
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: don't know everything, so remember that. And OP says... I
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: am not an accountant.
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: I am a data analyst.
• 24:58
  Speaker 3: I can document workflows, build reports, write code, compare files,
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: and make exception reports. What I cannot reasonably do is
• 25:06
  Speaker 3: become the accounting brain behind a public company's financial reporting
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: in a few weeks. Leadership has now made the Richard
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: Handoff my top priority. I am also being pulled into
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: anything that touches data, including system changes, dashboards, and prep work.
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: For switching to a new computer system.
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: I'm worried I'm being set up to become the scapegoat
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: for years of unwritten knowledge that lives inside one person's head.
• 25:33
  Speaker 3: They have people assigned to double-check the work in theory,
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: but those reviewers don't seem to know Richard's process either.
• 25:40
  Speaker 3: I told Richard I thought it would take three to
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: six months to truly take over. He went quiet and
• 25:45
  Speaker 3: basically said, well, that's not happening. I don't have another
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: job lined up yet, so I can't just quit. My
• 25:52
  Speaker 3: current plan is to put the risk in writing. Say
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: July needs to be a controlled transition instead of a
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: fully independent handoff. And make clear that I can execute
• 26:03
  Speaker 3: documented steps, but not own accounting judgment, final number reviews,
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: revenue treatment, expense classification, journal entries, or final sign-off. The
• 26:12
  Speaker 3: stuff only a real accountant should be doing anyway. Has
• 26:16
  Speaker 3: anyone dealt with something like this? How do I protect
• 26:19
  Speaker 3: myself while I keep looking for another job? And there
• 26:22
  Speaker 3: is an update. And again, boy, oh boy, do I
• 26:25
  Speaker 3: sure not love having to deal with this.
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: It sucks that you, it's like you read a job
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: description and you're like, oh, I could do this. Then
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: you go in and it's completely different. And then you're like, wait, what?
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: He's like, yeah, it's just basic stuff. You know, all
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: this stuff that you probably know already. And it's like, well,
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: I don't. He's like, well, you should. Anyway, so this thing,
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: and it's like, wait, I, we didn't, Oh God.
• 26:50
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: And it's like, it's like, you're like a roof guy.
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: And then when you show up to the house, they're like, yeah,
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: you're doing the roof, but also we're going to have
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: you redo our entire backyard and the pool. And it's like,
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: but I don't know. I'm not, I'm a, I'm the,
• 27:05
  Speaker 3: I'm the, I'm the roof guy. They go, yeah, no, no, no, no.
• 27:10
  Speaker 3: You're whatever we say you are.
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah. It's like, it's not the same process. I feel bad.
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: He's just a data analyst. He doesn't, do accounting and
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: this is all like money and he's like wait what.
• 27:22
  Speaker 3: It's good though that you're like getting it in writing
• 27:24
  Speaker 3: that it's like yeah this doesn't feel like a good
• 27:26
  Speaker 3: idea i don't think this is gonna work i think
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: it should be this i don't think i'm qualified to
• 27:31
  Speaker 3: do this work anyway i'm not an accountant so if
• 27:35
  Speaker 3: you guys are looking for an accountant that's not me
• 27:38
  Speaker 3: anyway four days later update Last week, I posted about
• 27:43
  Speaker 3: being hired as a data analyst, but quietly getting set
• 27:46
  Speaker 3: up to inherit a retiring finance employee's undocumented work. You
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: all said document everything and put the risk in writing.
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: That helped. Thank you. Now here's the update. It's two
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: people now, not one.
• 27:59
  Speaker 3: The second person who owns a critical reporting deliverable is
• 28:04
  Speaker 3: also leaving the same day at the end of June.
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: What does that even mean? A critical reporting deliverable? I
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: hate corporations. I hate it. Ugh.
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: Sounds like a lot of hoo-blah to me.
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: If I had to read that, I'd throw up.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you tell me, what was it, critical something?
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: Critical reporting, deliverable.
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: Deliverable? Not like even like delivery boy or something? What
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: does that mean?
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: He's a delivery boy.
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: So both of the people whose work feeds our financials
• 28:35
  Speaker 3: are walking out together, and I'm somehow the common thread
• 28:39
  Speaker 3: on both handoffs. I finally opened one of these files
• 28:42
  Speaker 3: this week. Thousands of formulas linked across a dozen plus tabs,
• 28:48
  Speaker 3: and the instructions are five cryptic lines from someone who
• 28:52
  Speaker 3: clearly just knows it all in their head. Some good news,
• 28:56
  Speaker 3: I asked leadership in writing whether I own this or
• 29:00
  Speaker 3: just support the data, and the chief accounting officer actually
• 29:04
  Speaker 3: drew a clean line back in writing. I own the
• 29:07
  Speaker 3: data and mechanical parts. Accounting owns the actual financial schedules
• 29:12
  Speaker 3: and final sign-off. So on paper, I'm protected. The problem is,
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: reality doesn't match paper. The second departing person asked me
• 29:21
  Speaker 3: twice this week if I'd have things ready, like I'm
• 29:24
  Speaker 3: already the owner. I'm the only one actually in the
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: training session, so on the ground, I'm becoming the default
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: heir regardless of what the emails say. I also reread
• 29:35
  Speaker 3: my offer letter job description. It is a totally normal
• 29:39
  Speaker 3: analyst description. nothing about owning accounting processes. So I have
• 29:44
  Speaker 3: the job I was hired for sitting right next to
• 29:46
  Speaker 3: the job they're handing me, and the gap is huge.
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: Where I've landed is I'm out.
• 29:53
  Speaker 3: Not tomorrow, but this is not salvageable, and it's not
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: my job to salvage. I can see the fix, which
• 29:59
  Speaker 3: is hire an actual accountant now while the retiring person
• 30:03
  Speaker 3: can still train them. But seeing the fix and being
• 30:06
  Speaker 3: able to do it as a non-accountant with a few
• 30:08
  Speaker 3: weeks of training are very different things. The plan for
• 30:12
  Speaker 3: Monday is to calmly flag the risk to the VP
• 30:16
  Speaker 3: I trust, then the chief accounting officer. Frame it as
• 30:19
  Speaker 3: protecting the company, recommend they bring in help now, follow
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: up in writing, and keep job hunting hard underneath it all. Meanwhile,
• 30:28
  Speaker 3: keeping my expenses low so I'm not trapped and saving
• 30:32
  Speaker 3: copies of everything outside my work accounts. Questions for round two.
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: When you flagged this kind of risk leadership, did here's
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: a risk and a recommendation actually land or just make
• 30:43
  Speaker 3: you a target? How hard can a new person push
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: the you need to hire someone recommendation before it backfires?
• 30:52
  Speaker 3: How do I explain a very short tenure in future
• 30:54
  Speaker 3: interviews without it looking like a red flag? My honest
• 30:58
  Speaker 3: line is, hired as an analyst, the role ballooned into
• 31:01
  Speaker 3: replacing two departing staff in work I wasn't hired for.
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: Is that too much?
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: Anyone been the documented but actually not protected person where
• 31:10
  Speaker 3: the emails say one thing and daily reality says another?
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: How long did you keep that line from eroding? Thanks again.
• 31:17
  Speaker 3: This sub steered me well last time. We'll update after Monday.
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: We've got some comments. Yeah, I wouldn't really worry about that,
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: but I'm not I'm the last person to ask about
• 31:28
  Speaker 3: what to do about your corporate job in America.
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: I don't really know either. I would say if you've
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: already sat down and had the conversation to say, hey, listen,
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: I don't really know what you're asking me to do.
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: And the things that you that I do understand that
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: you're asking me, I can't actually do because I didn't
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: study that. He's, you know, the guy who's leaving is
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: trying to explain it, but he has all this background.
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: He's been here for a while. I'm not getting it.
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: I don't think this is the right fit for me.
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: You know, and they're just like, well, here you go.
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: It's like, like, they're not really listening. And I guess
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: they just, you know, they really need someone and you're there.
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: So they're just like, well, figure it out.
• 32:10
  Speaker 3: If you explain this situation in any kind of job
• 32:14
  Speaker 3: interview and the people interviewing you thought like you were
• 32:17
  Speaker 3: a red flag person, You wouldn't want to work for
• 32:20
  Speaker 3: them anyway, because that's crazy.
• 32:22
  Speaker 2: Be like, oh, so you got hired as one thing.
• 32:26
  Speaker 3: And then when they made you do another thing and
• 32:29
  Speaker 3: made it like you were completely in charge of an
• 32:31
  Speaker 3: entire aspect of the company, you had no proficiency or
• 32:35
  Speaker 3: training in.
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: You were like, hey, this is a problem. Yeah, no,
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: you don't seem like a team player. It's like, shut up.
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 32:45
  Speaker 3: Let us know in the comments if you've experienced something
• 32:48
  Speaker 3: like this.
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: Comment one says, heck no. Are you in the USA?
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: Are you a licensed accountant?
• 32:54
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: Then you're allowed to. If you're not, do not touch
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: that stuff.
• 32:59
  Speaker 3: If they keep insisting, remind them that they need a
• 33:01
  Speaker 3: licensed accountant for this. OP says, I am in the USA.
• 33:05
  Speaker 3: I am not a licensed accountant. I'm not even an accountant.
• 33:09
  Speaker 3: I never said I was. Comment two says, why aren't
• 33:13
  Speaker 3: the leaving employees documenting their process? OP says, because they're
• 33:17
  Speaker 3: overworked and they don't care and management isn't super bright.
• 33:21
  Speaker 3: There's no infrastructure here at all. Not even a new
• 33:23
  Speaker 3: hire onboarding doc. I made one and they got mad
• 33:27
  Speaker 3: at me for it.
• 33:28
  Speaker 2: That's so funny.
• 33:30
  Speaker 3: Comment three says, just tell them you're not an accountant.
• 33:32
  Speaker 3: We're not hired as an accountant and will not be
• 33:34
  Speaker 3: doing the work of an accountant and that they need
• 33:37
  Speaker 3: to be training you for the job they hired you for.
• 33:40
  Speaker 3: Fourth comment replies, aren't accountants supposed to have licenses? If so,
• 33:43
  Speaker 3: I wonder if this arrangement would lead to compliance and
• 33:45
  Speaker 3: regulatory issues.
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: OP replies, that's a really good point. Comment five is
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: plan B. If this doesn't work out, leverage your new
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: knowledge and skills for a substantial raise and job title
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: and stick it out for a year or two.
• 33:59
  Speaker 3: Then use the raise and job title to job hunt
• 34:01
  Speaker 3: for a better position. OP says, honestly, pretty rough plan,
• 34:06
  Speaker 3: all things considered. I don't think I could do the
• 34:08
  Speaker 3: work of the retirees. Since one, I don't want to,
• 34:11
  Speaker 3: and two, they hired me for a totally different role. Three,
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: it's just not reasonable within the time frame. A sixth
• 34:18
  Speaker 3: comment says, I think it would go a long way
• 34:22
  Speaker 3: to recommend that they work out how to get the
• 34:24
  Speaker 3: two retirees to transition responsibilities as contractors after their end date.
• 34:29
  Speaker 3: Regardless of you being the one to do their jobs
• 34:32
  Speaker 3: or not, you have an opportunity to make yourself look
• 34:34
  Speaker 3: good in the eyes of everyone involved by helping avert disaster. I, I, Like,
• 34:41
  Speaker 3: I guess I just have the luxury of thinking this
• 34:44
  Speaker 3: way because I'm not in the corporate monster. But it
• 34:48
  Speaker 3: it frustrates me so hard when people are like, yeah, no,
• 34:51
  Speaker 3: like you have an opportunity to like just clean up
• 34:56
  Speaker 3: the mess of the people who are in charge and
• 35:00
  Speaker 3: they'll love you for that, which, no, they won't. First
• 35:02
  Speaker 3: of all, they'll resent you for it. They'll probably push
• 35:05
  Speaker 3: back the entire time and then you won't get any
• 35:07
  Speaker 3: rewards for it. And in fact, if you did end
• 35:10
  Speaker 3: up doing all this accounting stuff and then there was
• 35:13
  Speaker 3: some sort of regulatory review about their accounting books, guess
• 35:17
  Speaker 3: who's the very first person getting.
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: Thrown under the bus?
• 35:20
  Speaker 3: You.
• 35:21
  Speaker 2: Because you're not a licensed accountant.
• 35:24
  Speaker 3: And they would make up whatever story they needed to
• 35:25
  Speaker 3: make up to try to say, oh, it's this guy's fault.
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: We didn't actually know he wasn't a licensed accountant. He's
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: a liar. And that's why everything's messed up. Go after him,
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: not us.
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: And then I'm sure you would hire an accountant and
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: they'd be like, I'm not touching this. This is all,
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: this is crap.
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: Corporations are not your friends. Your bosses are not your friends.
• 35:48
  Speaker 3: If you bring up the fact that you are not
• 35:51
  Speaker 3: an accountant to the people in charge of you and
• 35:54
  Speaker 3: they go, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever, whatever.
• 35:56
  Speaker 2: Those people don't care. And you can clean up.
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: You could wipe their butts for them. They wouldn't care.
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: They'd expect it.
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: And that's capitalism.
• 36:05
  Speaker 2: This is not.
• 36:05
  Speaker 3: This feels like it was written by the most boomer
• 36:07
  Speaker 3: person of all time. This commenter continues. Plus the retirees
• 36:11
  Speaker 3: might not mind having a bit of part-time hours. OP
• 36:14
  Speaker 3: says the retirees have been trying to retire for two
• 36:17
  Speaker 3: years and they're old and done. They don't have any
• 36:21
  Speaker 3: more left to give. And there's another update from two
• 36:24
  Speaker 3: days later.
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: Not them trying to leave for two years. I've been
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: trying to retire for two years and they won't let
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: me because we can't find someone to take over our
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: work because they have no idea how this works. That's great.
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: Update two days later.
• 36:39
  Speaker 3: Last week, I posted that I was hired as a
• 36:41
  Speaker 3: data analyst and was being quietly pulled into inheriting a
• 36:46
  Speaker 3: retiring finance person's undocumented work. Then I updated that it
• 36:50
  Speaker 3: was actually two people, both leaving at the end of June,
• 36:52
  Speaker 3: both tied to critical reporting.
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: Now it is even clearer what is happening.
• 36:58
  Speaker 3: I built and shared a dashboard that was a legitimate
• 37:00
  Speaker 3: data analyst deliverable, a clean interactive report with better numbers
• 37:05
  Speaker 3: and visuals directly aligned with my actual job description. Leadership responded,
• 37:10
  Speaker 3: that dashboard work needs to pause because the core transition
• 37:14
  Speaker 3: work is the real priority.
• 37:16
  Speaker 2: Fair enough.
• 37:17
  Speaker 3: I understand why the transition work matters. Then I explained
• 37:21
  Speaker 3: that I had already made a long working document on
• 37:24
  Speaker 3: the departing person's process and would keep documenting the handoff.
• 37:29
  Speaker 3: The response was basically, make sure, as you document it,
• 37:32
  Speaker 3: you are also able to do it yourself. The result
• 37:36
  Speaker 3: is a transition. So now it is officially not document
• 37:40
  Speaker 3: this so we don't lose knowledge. It's learn it and
• 37:43
  Speaker 3: be able to do it.
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: Here is the problem. This is not one report.
• 37:47
  Speaker 3: It is a whole ecosystem of manual processes, legacy files,
• 37:51
  Speaker 3: system extracts, reconciliations, workarounds, approvals, dependencies, and judgment calls that
• 37:57
  Speaker 3: live across multiple people's heads and old spreadsheets. The person
• 38:02
  Speaker 3: leaving has years of context. I have been here less
• 38:06
  Speaker 3: than a month. I am a data analyst, not the
• 38:10
  Speaker 3: person who built or owned the whole accounting process. I
• 38:15
  Speaker 3: reread my job description again. It is normal data analyst descriptions. Dashboards,
• 38:20
  Speaker 3: data models, reporting tools, system data, automation, key performance indexes, analytics.
• 38:26
  Speaker 3: Nothing about becoming the owner of multiple departing people's work
• 38:29
  Speaker 3: in under a month. The bigger issue is that the
• 38:32
  Speaker 3: workload has started to look like the work of four
• 38:34
  Speaker 3: people being collapsed into one salary. The role I was
• 38:38
  Speaker 3: hired for, the retiring person's work, another departing person's work,
• 38:42
  Speaker 3: and additional reporting responsibilities from other areas. I am not
• 38:46
  Speaker 3: exaggerating when I say these are separate jobs with separate context,
• 38:49
  Speaker 3: review requirements and failure points. And on top of that,
• 38:52
  Speaker 3: I recently had to submit a doctor's note for a
• 38:55
  Speaker 3: work from home accommodation after a car accident with back
• 38:58
  Speaker 3: surgery in my recent history. They're literally working you until.
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: Your back is broken.
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: This is crazy.
• 39:05
  Speaker 3: There was already a discussion about getting me better office
• 39:08
  Speaker 3: equipment for my back that still was not fully resolved
• 39:11
  Speaker 3: in the office. Well, my home setup is already comfortable.
• 39:14
  Speaker 3: So now I'm trying to manage a formal medical accommodation
• 39:17
  Speaker 3: process while also being expected to absorb several critical handoffs
• 39:21
  Speaker 3: at once. The most frustrating part is I can see
• 39:24
  Speaker 3: why they are doing it. They have a messy person-dependent
• 39:28
  Speaker 3: reporting environment and keep people leaving at the same time.
• 39:31
  Speaker 3: They need someone to absorb the work. I am the
• 39:35
  Speaker 3: person documenting it, so I am becoming the default landing zone.
• 39:39
  Speaker 3: The better I document, the more ready I look, even
• 39:42
  Speaker 3: though the document itself proves how not ready this transition is.
• 39:46
  Speaker 3: This is so unbelievably stupid when you also factor in
• 39:49
  Speaker 3: these people have been trying to retire for two years.
• 39:51
  Speaker 3: They've literally had two years to build up and find
• 39:56
  Speaker 3: their replacement accountants for these people, and they're just putting
• 40:01
  Speaker 3: it on the brand new guy who's not even supposed.
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: To be doing it.
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: It's just like, how do you not... document all of this? Like,
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: how do you become so lazy that you just, it's
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: like putting like extra paperwork to the side and be like, Oh,
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: I'll get to it later. I'll get to it later.
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: And now it's like stacked up piles, piles to the ceiling,
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: like whole rooms filled. And he's like, all right, now
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: I'm going to teach you how to do all this.
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: And it's like, that is going to take decades to learn.
• 40:27
  Speaker 2: I don't know, man.
• 40:28
  Speaker 3: I think at this point you start, you, you maybe
• 40:30
  Speaker 3: do a power play. I don't even know if you
• 40:32
  Speaker 3: should be defensive.
• 40:34
  Speaker 2: I think you go power play and you go, look,
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: I understand that these people are necessary and that they're
• 40:39
  Speaker 2: leaving and that their processes are important. I'm not doing them.
• 40:42
  Speaker 2: I'm not an accountant. I'm documenting it.
• 40:44
  Speaker 3: I can assist whoever you bring in in the capacity
• 40:47
  Speaker 3: of an accountant to try to learn and take over
• 40:50
  Speaker 3: this stuff.
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: I'm not doing it.
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: I can't.
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: It's not my job. I am not qualified. I am
• 40:56
  Speaker 2: not licensed.
• 40:59
  Speaker 3: I can do the job I was hired to do
• 41:02
  Speaker 3: and I can help The guy that you bring in
• 41:05
  Speaker 3: to replace these guys. But I can't be the guy
• 41:08
  Speaker 3: that's replacing them. So your number one priority needs to
• 41:12
  Speaker 3: be finding that guy. And if you don't like that
• 41:14
  Speaker 3: and you want to fire me, then I guess have
• 41:17
  Speaker 3: fun finding also a data analyst on top of this
• 41:19
  Speaker 3: because it's unbelievable.
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: It's too much for one person to take over. And
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: it's just like years of like years of work that
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: you would only know if you worked there. Because no
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: one documented it.
• 41:35
  Speaker 2: Where are the SOPs?
• 41:36
  Speaker 4: I don't know.
• 41:37
  Speaker 2: Maybe. But don't listen to me. I don't know what
• 41:39
  Speaker 2: I'm talking about.
• 41:40
  Speaker 3: This is like the thing I am least familiar with
• 41:42
  Speaker 3: maybe in my whole life is corporate BS politics.
• 41:48
  Speaker 2: I can just tell you what I would do.
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: That's what I'd do.
• 41:51
  Speaker 3: OP continues. My strategy now is boring and defensive. I'm
• 41:56
  Speaker 3: not saying I can't. I am saying define the minimum
• 42:00
  Speaker 3: transition target. See, this is a guy who knows what
• 42:02
  Speaker 3: he's doing. I am saying, what can I do on
• 42:05
  Speaker 3: my own? I am saying, what requires review and sign-off?
• 42:09
  Speaker 3: I'm saying, who owns the unresolved pieces? I'm saying, what
• 42:13
  Speaker 3: gets paused while this is the priority? No heroics, no
• 42:17
  Speaker 3: unpaid overtime, no becoming the fall guy for a transition
• 42:21
  Speaker 3: that should have been staffed months ago. I am now
• 42:24
  Speaker 3: seriously job hunting. Yeah, I gotta say, I don't know
• 42:28
  Speaker 3: if I would try to get them to see the
• 42:30
  Speaker 3: light or if I would just be like, okay, and
• 42:33
  Speaker 3: do what OP's doing, being like, tell me the very
• 42:35
  Speaker 3: bottom line.
• 42:36
  Speaker 2: What's the bottom line of what I need to do?
• 42:38
  Speaker 2: And then just doing the barest minimum of what needs
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: to be done. You say, well, I made it very clear.
• 42:46
  Speaker 2: I don't know how to do this. So I asked
• 42:50
  Speaker 2: you what I need to do, and I'm doing that.
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: And I have it in writing that you said that
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: that's what it is. So whatever. Good luck on your
• 42:59
  Speaker 2: job hunt. These people deserve to languish.
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there's just not really a solution here besides, like,
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: I guess these people who are trying to retire have
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: to work the rest of their lives because they're the
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: only ones who know what is happening and what's going
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: on and what they need to do.
• 43:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's so insane to me.
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: Which is not a good business. Good business is, I think,
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: I'm not a business person, but my dad is, you,
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: you know, train people to eventually take your place so
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: they just aren't training people to take these people's places
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: because it seems like they're making them irreplaceable because they
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: do so many things besides their actual job and so
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: it's like wait i'm not i came in here to
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: do data not to handle financials and they're like well
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: that just comes with the job but i'm not you
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: know a financial person well yeah it doesn't matter you
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: just you know that you're just the person who they
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: go through It's like, that's just not it, though. That's
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: not what you hired me for. I mean, maybe that
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: is what you hired me for, but you didn't tell
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: me that.
• 44:05
  Speaker 3: OP continues, not rage quitting, not blowing anything up, just preparing.
• 44:11
  Speaker 3: This job would actually be good if it were the
• 44:14
  Speaker 3: job I was hired for. But if the actual job
• 44:16
  Speaker 3: is replacing multiple departing people in a month while also
• 44:21
  Speaker 3: doing my original data analyst role, Then that is not
• 44:24
  Speaker 3: a role expansion. That is a staffing problem being pushed
• 44:28
  Speaker 3: onto one person. What should I do now? And we
• 44:31
  Speaker 3: have some comments. Comment one says, sounds like you've got
• 44:34
  Speaker 3: it under control. Document it and bail. Best of luck
• 44:37
  Speaker 3: in your new endeavors. Comment two, I don't think OP
• 44:40
  Speaker 3: wants to bail, but is seeing that they may have to.
• 44:44
  Speaker 3: OP says, I'm sad about bailing because the job market
• 44:46
  Speaker 3: sucks right now. But yes, that is what a smart,
• 44:49
  Speaker 3: not crazy person would do in my shoes right now.
• 44:52
  Speaker 3: And that is the end of that story.
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: Maybe that's why they're doing it because the job market, well,
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: I mean, if the job market's crazy, then shouldn't they
• 45:00
  Speaker 2: be able to find accountants to replace these guys really easily?
• 45:06
  Speaker 2: If there's a bunch of applicants and not enough jobs?
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: I have no idea. Because also if the market's crashing,
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: they're not making enough money. They don't want to hire
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: too many people because they can't afford that. And then, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.
• 45:20
  Speaker 2: Just, I don't know.
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: Business, am I right? And that's the end of this story.
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: We're going to go on to the next one.
• 45:27
  Speaker 4: My daughter begged her fiancé to lie to us and
• 45:30
  Speaker 4: nearly lost him.
• 45:31
  Speaker 1: Whoa, what lie are you telling?
• 45:33
  Speaker 4: My daughter Dina has been engaged to Stan for a
• 45:36
  Speaker 4: little over seven months now. They're supposed to be getting
• 45:38
  Speaker 4: married in November of next year. Stan is a wonderful kid.
• 45:41
  Speaker 4: He's polite, hardworking, treats my daughter well, and I instantly
• 45:45
  Speaker 4: liked him when I met him. When he asked for
• 45:47
  Speaker 4: my blessing, I was happy to give it to him,
• 45:49
  Speaker 4: and our whole family was thrilled when she said, Yes.
• 45:51
  Speaker 4: I want to preface this by saying I am absolutely
• 45:54
  Speaker 4: not a bigot. I do not hate attracted to the
• 45:56
  Speaker 4: same gender people. And I accept people for who they are.
• 45:59
  Speaker 4: Stan admittedly has some behaviors that trend towards feminine. He
• 46:02
  Speaker 4: does a lot of baking. He spends a long time
• 46:05
  Speaker 4: in the bathroom getting his hair done. just right. He
• 46:07
  Speaker 4: knows Broadway musicals by heart, was a theater kid in
• 46:09
  Speaker 4: high school, and watches a lot of chick shows. A
• 46:12
  Speaker 4: few friends and family members have questioned his spicy proclivity.
• 46:16
  Speaker 4: To me, and I've told them, that he is who
• 46:18
  Speaker 4: he is, and Dina loves him for it. By the way,
• 46:20
  Speaker 4: this comes from user ThrowawayHelpSecret. And if you want to
• 46:23
  Speaker 4: submit your own stories, go to the r slash OKStoryTime subreddit.
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: I'm Keon. I'm Savannah.
• 46:27
  Speaker 2: I'm Sophia.
• 46:28
  Speaker 4: And we're here to give good advice goofily. We do
• 46:30
  Speaker 4: not know everything. We only know what we do. Let
• 46:33
  Speaker 4: us know what you do in the comments down below. Recently,
• 46:35
  Speaker 4: I ran into the mother of a boy my older
• 46:37
  Speaker 4: son graduated with. When I mentioned Dina was engaged to Stan,
• 46:40
  Speaker 4: she looked very surprised. When I asked about her reaction,
• 46:43
  Speaker 4: she told me that she didn't think he'd end up
• 46:45
  Speaker 4: with a woman. I went into my typical spiel about
• 46:47
  Speaker 4: him just being sensitive, but she cut me off. She
• 46:50
  Speaker 4: informed me that her son, Matt, 35 male, is attracted
• 46:53
  Speaker 4: to the same gender, and he and Stan had dated
• 46:55
  Speaker 4: for two years. She brought up Facebook on her phone
• 46:58
  Speaker 4: and pulled up her son's profile. As she opened the photos,
• 47:01
  Speaker 4: there was no denying it. Matt and Stan... were together
• 47:04
  Speaker 4: they were holding hands kissing smiling at each other typical
• 47:07
  Speaker 4: relationship photos that go up on facebook stan wasn't tagged
• 47:10
  Speaker 4: in any of the photos it's definitely stan they're from
• 47:12
  Speaker 4: six years ago and stan has been with dina for
• 47:14
  Speaker 4: two years she apologized for springing this on me but
• 47:16
  Speaker 4: felt i should know i told my wife and after
• 47:19
  Speaker 4: talking it out we both agreed that we had to
• 47:21
  Speaker 4: tell dina we sat down with dina and explained what
• 47:23
  Speaker 4: we had found out her reaction was not what i
• 47:25
  Speaker 4: expected she got angry at me for spying on him,
• 47:29
  Speaker 4: told me that I had no idea what I was
• 47:31
  Speaker 4: talking about and that he was not attracted to the
• 47:33
  Speaker 4: same gender. I told Dina that I liked Stan, but
• 47:36
  Speaker 4: I couldn't let her marry someone who couldn't love her
• 47:38
  Speaker 4: as a wife. She was crying at this point and
• 47:40
  Speaker 4: told me I was a terrible human being who needed
• 47:42
  Speaker 4: to mind my own business and stop trying to embarrass Stan.
• 47:45
  Speaker 4: I told her I didn't want to see her get
• 47:46
  Speaker 4: heartbroken and that if she was going to go this route,
• 47:49
  Speaker 4: she needed to get a prenuptial agreement. Dina earns more
• 47:51
  Speaker 4: than double what Stan does. She told me to mind
• 47:54
  Speaker 4: my own business and I didn't know what I was
• 47:55
  Speaker 4: talking about. I asked her why would I make this
• 47:57
  Speaker 4: up When I do like Stan, I just don't want
• 47:59
  Speaker 4: her to throw away her life. She told me she
• 48:01
  Speaker 4: can't talk to me about this and I don't understand
• 48:03
  Speaker 4: anything and she stormed out. We have to pay a
• 48:06
  Speaker 4: big installment on the wedding next month as it's a
• 48:08
  Speaker 4: year out. I don't know if it's an even good
• 48:10
  Speaker 4: idea at this point. Dina's not taking our calls and
• 48:12
  Speaker 4: will not respond to us.
• 48:14
  Speaker 2: In any way.
• 48:14
  Speaker 4: What do I even do here? I feel like I
• 48:16
  Speaker 4: approached this in the best way I could, and it
• 48:18
  Speaker 4: still blew up. We have some relevant comments.
• 48:20
  Speaker 2: I do not think you approached this in the best
• 48:22
  Speaker 2: way you could.
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: You approached this in the worst way possible. It's hard.
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: The mindset nowadays is totally different from the mindset what
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: our parents had.
• 48:31
  Speaker 4: I mean, again, it started off with the, I'm not
• 48:34
  Speaker 4: a bigot.
• 48:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah, true.
• 48:37
  Speaker 3: She does her own.
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: Clearly is very uneducated.
• 48:40
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: Can't even, you know, he can't even think of. Very,
• 48:43
  Speaker 1: very uneducated. But also, like, I understand her concerns because
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: obviously she just wants someone to love her daughter fully and,
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: And she thinks that because this guy has a past of,
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: you know, being with another man.
• 48:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: Now it's like, oh, he's incapable of loving my daughter.
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: That's not the case.
• 49:03
  Speaker 4: Future Ambition 1859 says, firstly, Stan is likely not attracted
• 49:08
  Speaker 4: to the same gender. You're clearly very smexist as well
• 49:11
  Speaker 4: as a closet guard. So it's no wonder your daughter
• 49:13
  Speaker 4: didn't want you to discuss anything with you. Who Stan
• 49:15
  Speaker 4: dated in the past has no bearing on his future.
• 49:18
  Speaker 4: He loves Dina and she loves him. Opie responds, saying,
• 49:33
  Speaker 4: and ask me if I'm sure he's straight. I give
• 49:35
  Speaker 4: these examples only as things other people have brought up.
• 49:38
  Speaker 4: I have never commented on anything he's done, in all honesty.
• 49:41
  Speaker 4: I came into this post thinking that my daughter was
• 49:43
  Speaker 4: in denial. I sat her down with the expectation that
• 49:46
  Speaker 4: I was giving her information she didn't know. Now, after
• 49:48
  Speaker 4: everyone is suggesting being bi, it actually makes a lot
• 49:51
  Speaker 4: of sense. Honestly, I don't know much about it. I
• 49:53
  Speaker 4: don't know anyone who's openly bi. And the only time
• 49:56
  Speaker 4: I've really heard about it is people want to experiment
• 49:58
  Speaker 4: but have strong feelings one way or the other. I
• 50:01
  Speaker 4: will be the first to admit I do not understand it.
• 50:03
  Speaker 4: If that's who the kid is, then I absolutely will
• 50:05
  Speaker 4: accept him. I want to only protect my daughter. The
• 50:08
  Speaker 4: fact that she might have known already never crossed my
• 50:10
  Speaker 4: mind at all. And if that's the case, her reaction
• 50:12
  Speaker 4: makes a lot of sense. OkBreakfast9531 says, Go learn about
• 50:16
  Speaker 4: being biphobic and bi erasure. Right now, you've got some
• 50:19
  Speaker 4: of the very worst stereotypes of being. Please disabuse yourself
• 50:23
  Speaker 4: of these ASAP and go see your daughter. Tell her
• 50:26
  Speaker 4: that you do not need to know how he identifies himself,
• 50:29
  Speaker 4: but that if she is good with whatever his spicy
• 50:31
  Speaker 4: proclivity is, that is good enough for you. And that
• 50:33
  Speaker 4: you get that, although he may have dated men, he
• 50:36
  Speaker 4: could also be in love with her. Hope he responds with,
• 50:38
  Speaker 4: I know next to nothing about being. I know I
• 50:40
  Speaker 4: need to talk to Stan and Dina. But I do
• 50:43
  Speaker 4: want to learn. If that's who he is, and he
• 50:45
  Speaker 4: loves my daughter, then I want to understand. And we
• 50:47
  Speaker 4: have an update one week later. So, a lot has
• 50:51
  Speaker 4: happened in the last week. Stan came to see us
• 50:53
  Speaker 4: this weekend. He came out to my wife and me
• 50:56
  Speaker 4: as being pan. I had researched being... but not Pan,
• 51:00
  Speaker 4: so I was a bit lost. Stan told us that
• 51:02
  Speaker 4: he is attracted to people, not genders, but he's monogamous,
• 51:05
  Speaker 4: so he wasn't lying when he said he does love Dina,
• 51:08
  Speaker 4: and that he does want a future with her. I
• 51:10
  Speaker 4: told him that we love him, accept him, and love
• 51:12
  Speaker 4: having him as a part of our family. In all honesty,
• 51:14
  Speaker 4: I'm a bit more accepting than my wife. She grew
• 51:16
  Speaker 4: up with certain values, and she's having a very hard
• 51:19
  Speaker 4: time with this.
• 51:19
  Speaker 2: She's afraid that.
• 51:20
  Speaker 4: He's going to leave Dina for a man. I asked
• 51:22
  Speaker 4: why she wouldn't be afraid of him leaving her for
• 51:24
  Speaker 4: another woman, and she just shook her head and said,
• 51:27
  Speaker 4: It's not the same. Dina knew about this, but did
• 51:29
  Speaker 4: not want us to know. We admittedly trend right politically
• 51:32
  Speaker 4: for financial reasons. She was afraid we wouldn't accept him,
• 51:35
  Speaker 4: and other family members would think it would be bad
• 51:38
  Speaker 4: for him. I hate that she felt this way, because
• 51:40
  Speaker 4: I love Stan, and I love that he loves Dina.
• 51:42
  Speaker 4: That's all that matters. I think the message is clear
• 51:44
  Speaker 4: on the board for at least OP. After leaving our house,
• 51:48
  Speaker 4: Dina apparently told Stan that his secret has gotten.
• 51:50
  Speaker 2: Dina is talking to us again.
• 51:51
  Speaker 4: She apologized for her reaction. She said that she pretty
• 51:53
  Speaker 4: much had been able to bury the fact that Stan
• 51:54
  Speaker 4: dated men in her mind. because they're monogamous and getting married.
• 52:11
  Speaker 4: But us bringing it up made her confront a lot
• 52:14
  Speaker 4: of feelings. She's since apologized to Stan, said she knows
• 52:17
  Speaker 4: she isn't going to magically turn him straight, and assured
• 52:20
  Speaker 4: him she loves him for who he is. I'm happy
• 52:22
  Speaker 4: for them and hope they can work it out. I
• 52:24
  Speaker 4: don't know terribly much about the LGBTQ plus issues, but
• 52:28
  Speaker 4: I'm trying to educate myself.
• 52:30
  Speaker 2: So apologies if I said anything incorrectly. I like that, OP.
• 52:33
  Speaker 2: You can teach an old dog new tricks. You can learn.
• 52:37
  Speaker 2: As long as you're willing to learn and understand, great.
• 52:39
  Speaker 1: True that's all anyone ever asks just to be open-minded
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: and just try to understand you know no one's gonna
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: be mad that you don't understand it yeah they're just
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: gonna be mad if you don't want to understand.
• 52:51
  Speaker 4: False premise 82 90 says get a prenup anyway that
• 52:54
  Speaker 4: marriage is doomed and not because he's pan but because
• 52:57
  Speaker 4: your daughter is mental op says she is very ashamed
• 53:00
  Speaker 4: of how she acted we had a long talk about
• 53:03
  Speaker 4: how certain ideas formed in her head growing up she
• 53:05
  Speaker 4: just loved him Anne thought she was protecting him, but
• 53:08
  Speaker 4: now realizes that she protects her future husband by accepting him.
• 53:12
  Speaker 4: I think our accepting him made a big difference for her.
• 53:15
  Speaker 4: A deleted user says, well, the only person coming off
• 53:18
  Speaker 4: likable is Stan. I hope he gets out of there
• 53:21
  Speaker 4: because you're all a big yikes, especially your daughter. I
• 53:25
  Speaker 4: get you being ignorant with your age, even though I
• 53:27
  Speaker 4: have such a hard time imagining someone getting to 65
• 53:30
  Speaker 4: without hearing about being. You did not grow up in
• 53:32
  Speaker 4: the 1700s. Did you miss the 60s and the 70s?
• 53:35
  Speaker 4: I do not hope they work out for his sake,
• 53:37
  Speaker 4: and I really hope he doesn't marry her without a prenup.
• 53:39
  Speaker 4: Opie says, I've certainly heard of being bi, though I've
• 53:42
  Speaker 4: never seen someone be open about it into adulthood. My
• 53:45
  Speaker 4: experience with it is Elton John and Neil Patrick Harris
• 53:48
  Speaker 4: of the world who come out as bi, and then
• 53:50
  Speaker 4: they announce they're attracted to the same gender a few
• 53:53
  Speaker 4: years later. My wife is a product of her upbringing.
• 53:55
  Speaker 4: She has no problems tossing the F word around, something
• 53:59
  Speaker 4: I find unacceptable.
• 54:00
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: Well, yeah, that is unacceptable.
• 54:03
  Speaker 2: The only F word she should be throwing around is fun.
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: That's pretty awful.
• 54:06
  Speaker 4: Another commenter, Support Breakfast, says, Has she ever said this
• 54:09
  Speaker 4: slur in front of Stan or her daughter? If so,
• 54:12
  Speaker 4: I think this might go deeper than the surface issue here.
• 54:15
  Speaker 4: Opie says, Stan, not to my knowledge. Dina and myself, yes.
• 54:19
  Speaker 4: Her parents used it as well, and to my wife,
• 54:21
  Speaker 4: it's like any other word. I've gotten very upset with
• 54:23
  Speaker 4: her for using it numerous times, and she did use
• 54:26
  Speaker 4: it to refer to Stan after he left the other night,
• 54:28
  Speaker 4: which I shut down immediately. And that's the end of
• 54:31
  Speaker 4: that story.
• 54:32
  Speaker 1: Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi.
• 54:34
  Speaker 2: No bueno. It's not like.
• 54:35
  Speaker 1: Any other word.
• 54:36
  Speaker 2: It's a slur.
• 54:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, that's... It's like any other slur.
• 54:40
  Speaker 2: Bad.
• 54:40
  Speaker 1: You don't just say that. That's crazy. You're not just gonna, like...
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: That's like saying, oh, yeah, that's my baby's first word.
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: That's not a good word.
• 54:49
  Speaker 2: That's not.
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: People are gonna have issues with that.
• 54:51
  Speaker 2: I am kind of afraid.
• 54:53
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 54:53
  Speaker 2: OP's wife is never going to learn or never truly accept.
• 54:56
  Speaker 1: I mean, she's coming from, her, like, baseline is slurring.
• 55:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah. It's kind of hard.
• 55:01
  Speaker 4: OP goes, hey, that's a bad word. Don't, just stop that.
• 55:04
  Speaker 4: And she goes, my parents did it.
• 55:06
  Speaker 2: I do it. It's like breathing air. You go, holy crap.
• 55:09
  Speaker 4: But wish you the best of luck, OP. It looks
• 55:11
  Speaker 4: like you're open-minded, which is great. Dina and Stan, wish
• 55:15
  Speaker 4: them a happy marriage. And hopefully your wife gets it.
• 55:19
  Speaker 1: And that's the end of the story. We're going to
• 55:21
  Speaker 1: go on to the next one.
• 55:22
  Speaker 3: My cousin asked why she's unlikable so i finally answered
• 55:26
  Speaker 3: honestly it's because you suck for context my 33 female
• 55:30
  Speaker 3: cousin has always made jokes about me 26 female she
• 55:34
  Speaker 3: has always based her style on trends doesn't really have
• 55:37
  Speaker 3: hobbies though she does love reality tv and same works
• 55:41
  Speaker 3: in hr lives in a cute suburb and constantly makes
• 55:44
  Speaker 3: digs at people if they deviate from social norms i
• 55:47
  Speaker 3: understand that I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I have tattoos, piercings,
• 55:52
  Speaker 3: colored hair, make my own clothes, live in a trailer
• 55:54
  Speaker 3: in the woods, and teach preschool. I love sewing, carpentry, running, painting, reading, photography,
• 56:00
  Speaker 3: and cooking. Finding dates and suitors has never been a
• 56:03
  Speaker 3: struggle for me, despite not looking like a traditionally hot person.
• 56:07
  Speaker 3: Plenty of men like weird girls, but having hobbies also...
• 56:10
  Speaker 3: Attracts most of my options. Recently, my cousin has been
• 56:14
  Speaker 3: trying to date again after divorce. She's been struggling to
• 56:17
  Speaker 3: get dates online and asked for my help reviewing her
• 56:20
  Speaker 3: profiles because somehow I always have a handsome date for events.
• 56:24
  Speaker 2: And those were her words.
• 56:25
  Speaker 3: Honestly, her profiles looked fine. I asked her if she's
• 56:28
  Speaker 3: getting messages and she explained... that the issue is a
• 56:31
  Speaker 3: lack of good men. I know that there are some doozies,
• 56:35
  Speaker 3: but there are plenty of men to go through.
• 56:37
  Speaker 2: I read a few conversations.
• 56:39
  Speaker 3: She basically was just interrogating her matches until they stopped responding.
• 56:43
  Speaker 3: And by the way, this comes from TallActuary4507. If you
• 56:46
  Speaker 3: want to submit your own stories, go to the r
• 56:48
  Speaker 3: slash OKStoryTime subreddit.
• 56:49
  Speaker 2: I am Dakota. I'm Keon.
• 56:51
  Speaker 3: We're going to read this story about this really abrasive
• 56:55
  Speaker 3: person not getting any dates. And we're going to have
• 56:58
  Speaker 3: our thoughts and you get to have yours and you
• 56:59
  Speaker 3: can put them in the comments and we'll read them.
• 57:01
  Speaker 3: I suggested a few different approach methods and she shut
• 57:04
  Speaker 3: me down. She genuinely believed she didn't say anything off-putting.
• 57:08
  Speaker 3: I told her that I don't think I can help
• 57:09
  Speaker 3: her solve the problem if she isn't going to change
• 57:11
  Speaker 3: her approach. She said, I don't understand how hard it
• 57:14
  Speaker 3: is to find a date as a divorcee.
• 57:16
  Speaker 2: Right, like that's not super in vogue right now.
• 57:19
  Speaker 4: Especially the person who's been going on dates consistently is
• 57:22
  Speaker 4: telling you what to do.
• 57:24
  Speaker 3: I told her she doesn't understand how hard she's making
• 57:27
  Speaker 3: dating by being unlikable. She understandably got upset. She asked
• 57:31
  Speaker 3: me what makes her unlikable, and I explained that outwardly
• 57:35
  Speaker 3: judging people while having nothing interesting to talk about is off-putting.
• 57:39
  Speaker 3: I know that what I said wasn't kind, but I
• 57:42
  Speaker 3: wasn't saying it to hurt her. Truthfully, I want her
• 57:45
  Speaker 3: to find love, but I don't think she will without
• 57:47
  Speaker 3: actual introspection about her personality. Now my grandmama is demanding
• 57:52
  Speaker 3: that I apologize to my cousin for going too far.
• 57:55
  Speaker 2: But my thing is, my cousin has made endless comments
• 57:58
  Speaker 2: about my appearance and interests My whole life. The only
• 58:01
  Speaker 2: reason it never upset me is because I know it
• 58:03
  Speaker 2: holds no weight. Do I apologize simply because it was unkind?
• 58:06
  Speaker 2: You know what you say? I'm sorry you're so unlikable. Yeah.
• 58:10
  Speaker 3: I'm sorry you asked me, the cool girl who gets
• 58:13
  Speaker 3: all the dates, how to get dates. And when I
• 58:16
  Speaker 3: told you what was wrong, you went, no, actually, you're
• 58:20
  Speaker 3: just not divorced.
• 58:21
  Speaker 1: Cool.
• 58:21
  Speaker 3: Your biggest personality trait is what disparaging thing can I
• 58:24
  Speaker 3: say about the waitress at the restaurant?
• 58:26
  Speaker 2: I feel like if I apologize, she will assume I
• 58:28
  Speaker 2: didn't mean what I said.
• 58:29
  Speaker 3: Because she says mean stuff in order to hurt people,
• 58:33
  Speaker 3: not because she believes it.
• 58:34
  Speaker 2: But I mean this.
• 58:35
  Speaker 3: Part of me wants to apologize for being unkind, but
• 58:38
  Speaker 3: I don't want her to believe I was only saying
• 58:40
  Speaker 3: it to be unkind because she needs to be nicer
• 58:42
  Speaker 3: and probably find a hobby if she wants to find love.
• 58:45
  Speaker 3: I also think if I give an apology or explain
• 58:48
  Speaker 3: that I meant it, she'll just be upset again. So
• 58:50
  Speaker 3: should I just let time pass and hope the issue
• 58:52
  Speaker 3: gets dropped? That is the end of that story.
• 58:54
  Speaker 2: I think you should just drop it and then check
• 58:55
  Speaker 2: in every once in a while and be like, hey,
• 58:56
  Speaker 2: how are the dates going? Oh, they're still bad? Ooh,
• 58:59
  Speaker 2: good luck. I'm sorry for that. Good luck. So you're
• 59:01
  Speaker 2: still unlikable, huh?
• 59:02
  Speaker 4: And I'll give her the benefit of the doubt that
• 59:04
  Speaker 4: she just got divorced and it sucks and it's hard
• 59:06
  Speaker 4: and putting yourself out there takes a lot, but you
• 59:09
  Speaker 4: got to roll with the ocean.
• 59:11
  Speaker 2: You got to roll with the waves kind of thing.
• 59:13
  Speaker 2: You can't just fight it.
• 59:14
  Speaker 3: I would assume that information is on her profile. So
• 59:17
  Speaker 3: the people matching with her know she's divorced.
• 59:20
  Speaker 1: And that's the end of the story. We're going to
• 59:22
  Speaker 1: go on to the next one. Hey, it's Angie, your
• 59:25
  Speaker 1: favorite Riley's girlfriend host here.
• 59:27
  Speaker 2: We're going to get back to the.
• 59:28
  Speaker 1: Stories, but here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors.
• 59:32
  Speaker 2: My mother called me selfish while I saved them thousands. Yeah,
• 59:36
  Speaker 2: you could have saved us more.
• 59:37
  Speaker 4: I'll try to keep it brief, but I'm on a
• 59:39
  Speaker 4: trip right now where originally the expectation was that my
• 59:41
  Speaker 4: boyfriend and I would pay for our flights and help
• 59:43
  Speaker 4: with the rental car and gas. At the time, I
• 59:46
  Speaker 4: offered to contribute to the housing cost and my mom
• 59:48
  Speaker 4: insisted that they had so much extra space and she
• 59:51
  Speaker 4: just wanted us there. About two weeks prior to leaving
• 59:54
  Speaker 4: for the trip, my dad got involved and decided that
• 59:56
  Speaker 4: we would pay for our own flights. all our own food,
• 59:59
  Speaker 4: and $ 350 each in contribution to the VRBO they booked.
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 4: That adds up to about $ 600 for one ticket, the
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 4: second ticket was free due to an airline perk, $ 700
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 4: for the VRBO, and $ 200 in groceries for the week.
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 4: I kind of feel like an unfair line was drawn,
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 4: because we were invited with certain expectations to budget for,
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 4: and then those expectations were changed shortly before the trip.
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 4: I considered canceling, but I didn't in the end. Now,
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 4: on to the savings. First off, I directed my mom
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 4: to an open credit card for a sign-up bonus back
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 4: in January, because she could transfer those points to the
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 4: airline and help cover some of the flights.
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 2: She never would have done this on her own.
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 4: That saved her $ 1, 200 in flights, because otherwise, she would
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 4: have just bought points from the airline to use or
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 4: paid out of pocket. By the way, this comes from
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 4: user RainUnseen. And if you want to submit your own stories,
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 4: go to the r slash OKStoryTime subreddit.
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 2: I'm Keon. I'm Dakota.
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 1: I'm Tobia.
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 2: We're here to give good advice goofily. We don't have
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 2: all the answers. Look at us. Look at him. Look
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 2: at her. We only know what we do.
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 4: So let us know what you do in the comments
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 4: down below. On the actual day of travel, my boyfriend
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 4: and I offered to check her bags under our names
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 4: because she had a lot. Like six bags. and her
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 4: bag allowance is only one per person? My boyfriend and
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 4: I had one each, so we checked two of each
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 4: of her bags, and she and my brother both checked one.
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 4: For the second and third bag, check bag fees. That
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 4: adds up to $ 350 in fees saved for this airline.
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 4: This will actually also apply going back, which I just
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 4: realized typing this out. So that really adds up to
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 4: $ 700 saved round trip.
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 2: But.
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 2: My boyfriend and I's check.
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 4: Bag allowance was $ 3 each, so we paid nothing out
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 4: of pocket for this. There have been a few other
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 4: minor things here and there that we have covered out
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 4: of pocket, probably not totally more.
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 2: Than like $ 50.
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 4: All in all, that is more than $ 1900 saved for
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 4: their trip. Almost triple what will be expected to pay
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 4: them for our share of housing. Now, here's where it
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 4: may be wrong of me to point this out to them.
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 4: I didn't actually pay for any of these things for them.
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 4: It's just money I saved through strategic planning, status perks,
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 4: and other benefits that I took advantage of from the airline.
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 4: I guess my thought process is that I didn't have
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 4: to offer those things or help out. I could have
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 4: been stingy because I was already upset with them for
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 4: changing the terms last minute, but at the same time,
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 4: I sleep easier knowing I didn't withhold those benefits from
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 4: them out of spite or to get something in return.
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 4: I'm honestly not sure here. Throughout this trip, there's been
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 4: a bad taste in my mouth because of how stringently
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 4: they're enforcing the line they drew. We are not to
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 4: touch their groceries. And we pay for all of our food,
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 4: even when we go out as a group. We skipped
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 4: a meal with them once because of this. Even when I'm,
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 4: I've paid for small things for them, not expecting anything back.
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 4: It feels like they're nickel and diming me for every
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 4: little thing. when I already saved them nearly $ 2, 000. And
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 4: it's bothering me. So, am I wrong to think that
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 4: my boyfriend and I shouldn't have to contribute as much
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 4: to the VRBO because we already saved them so much
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 4: money elsewhere? And there's some extra context here. I'm 20 female,
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 4: in school while working full-time. My parents are not exactly well-off,
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 4: despite netting around.
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 2: $ 200, 000 a year.
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 4: I don't know, OP's being really considerate and helping and
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 4: saved you so much money. Yeah.
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I would just not be with them if it's
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 2: a bad vibe all the time. I don't know. Maybe
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 2: make kind of things on your terms instead of on
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 2: their terms.
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 4: The conversation went something like this. My mom messaged me
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 4: asking me to send the funds for the trip that day.
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 4: I replied that I actually wanted to talk to her
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 4: about the trip money. That I wasn't sure I still
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 4: agreed to it was a fair amount. And that I
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 4: wanted to talk a few things over. So I asked
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 4: her to call me when she got a chance. She
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 4: didn't call me like I asked. and instead she just
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 4: responded asking what was not fair. I then explained everything
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 4: from my last post and followed it up by telling
• 1:03:32
  Speaker 4: her that I didn't necessarily think we should contribute nothing.
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 4: But that compared to what was being asked of my
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 4: sister versus us, when considering the effort we put to
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 4: help them save money on this trip, it felt skewed.
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 4: Her response was that it broke her heart that she
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 4: raised such a selfish person. She said that I had
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 4: helped my mother save some money and that it did
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 4: not cost me anything but time and knowledge and that
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 4: you do that for people you care about. She pointed
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 4: out that my sister paid for all of the food
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 4: except for the water and cleaning supplies, adding that she
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 4: was sure my sister expected to be paid back for
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 4: their share of groceries, but whatever. She then said that
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 4: she and dad never do anything for me, sarcastically listing
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 4: fixed breaks and my boyfriend's fixed car, nothing bought with money,
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 4: just his time. She finished by saying, I mean, honestly,
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 4: I can imagine that kind of response just being the
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 4: only thing she ever does. Whenever you push back in
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 4: the slightest, it becomes.
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 2: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was a terrible monster.
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 2: who raised the most selfish child on earth. No, that's fine.
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 3: We've done everything we could ever possibly do for you
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 3: out of the bottomless love of our hearts.
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 2: But that's fine. No, don't worry. I don't want anything
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 2: from you ever again. Sorry. And it's like, at that point,
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 2: if this has happened over and over and over again,
• 1:04:50
  Speaker 2: I probably would be like, you know what? Fine, let's
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 2: go there, dude. You want to go there? Let's do it. Yeah.
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 4: The summary is that I said she knows my boyfriend
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 4: and I's financial situation, that he's been unemployed through no
• 1:05:01
  Speaker 4: fault of his own, and that I was funding this
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 4: trip along with most of our expenses, which I had
• 1:05:05
  Speaker 4: budgeted for a few months ago per the original agreement.
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 4: I said I didn't do those things for them expecting
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 4: something back, but that when they spent the whole week
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 4: nickel and diming us over groceries... It felt like crap.
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 4: I asked her where her selflessness was and why she
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 4: wasn't trying to save us money on a trip that
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 4: she invited us on while knowing our situation. I said
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 4: I couldn't believe I helped her save money with the
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 4: points when all she does is make fun of me
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 4: for it. I told her that for her to come
• 1:05:30
  Speaker 4: back and guilt trip me like that when I was
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 4: trying to have an open and respectful conversation, was ridiculous.
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 4: I said I never ask them for anything because they
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 4: make me feel like crap for asking, even on important
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 4: milestones for me, like moving into my first apartment. I
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 4: added that I'm always their first call when my brother,
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 4: 12 male, needs to be taken or picked up from somewhere,
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 4: so she can't act like I do nothing for them
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 4: in return. To that message, she replied that she had
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 4: nothing else to say, that I should keep my money,
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 4: and that we were even. She said that for my brother,
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 4: she will never ask for my help again. She told
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 4: me to move to the state where my boyfriend's parents
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 4: live so I could be 15 minutes from all the
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 4: money and help I need, and finished by saying sorry
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 4: that she just didn't have it.
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 2: Oh, she's jealous of your boyfriend's parents oh she's insecure
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 2: she's insecure because his parents got it oh no and
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 2: that's why she was like just kidding y'all are gonna
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 2: have to pay a lot of money because she's like
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 2: well they'll probably just get it from his parents this is.
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 4: Definitely not the first time i mean we already read
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 4: it this is not the first time this has happened
• 1:06:29
  Speaker 4: but if you knew this is who your mom was
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 4: op i personally would have never gone on a vacation
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 4: with them in the first place We continue saying, the
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 4: comment about his parents was due to me using that
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 4: as an example in my previous message. as his parents
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 4: drove 10 hours to help us move in without me asking,
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 4: but my parents never made that effort, even though they
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 4: live less than 15 minutes from me. My next responses
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 4: were even more scorched earth. I told her it was
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 4: like she didn't read any of what I said, that
• 1:06:56
  Speaker 4: I don't want her to stop asking for help, and
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 4: that I just want her to stop acting like a
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 4: messiah who just gives and gives while I do nothing
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 4: but receive, because we both know that's a load of crap,
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 4: whether she's willing to admit it or not. I told
• 1:07:07
  Speaker 4: her it was absolutely unbelievable that I'm done letting her
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 4: walk all over me, and take advantage of my kindness
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 4: and maturity, and that she was acting like a child
• 1:07:15
  Speaker 4: by not being able to have a conversation with me
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 4: about this as an adult. I said it was baffling
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 4: that she was willing to destroy our relationship over money,
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 4: and that she should talk about selfishness and greed. I
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 4: then told her to enjoy an expensive gift that I
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 4: had given her for her birthday, the one that I
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 4: am apparently too selfish to have given her. That was
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 4: petty and too far, I'll admit. But I am so
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 4: fed up with her manipulation that I can't be bothered
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 4: to care at the moment.
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 2: I mean, like, is that really that over the line?
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 2: She's like, you're so selfish.
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 3: It's like, okay, well, enjoy the gift I spent a
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 3: lot of money on that I sent you because I'm
• 1:07:47
  Speaker 3: so selfish.
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 2: When all I ever think about is me.
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 4: This has been my whole life thus far. And her
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 4: reaction is honestly what I was expecting deep down. But
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 4: I was in denial that she could actually be this unreasonable.
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 4: She then sent me back my own messages. which didn't
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 4: make sense given the context. So I think she was
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 4: copying it to send to someone else.
• 1:08:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think I would have just like disengaged and
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 2: like gone home by myself. I feel discombobulated.
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 3: You invited me on this and said, oh, it's this
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 3: is what to expect at the last second that changed.
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 2: And I, you know what? Whatever. I'm just like, I
• 1:08:19
  Speaker 2: would just be like at this point, be like, you're right.
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 2: I'm a monster. I'm a monster. You gave birth to
• 1:08:26
  Speaker 2: a monster. Pull up that wolf. That's the monster we're
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 2: looking at. I have bat wings.
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 1: You don't get it when you want it. You get
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 1: it when you deserve it.
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 4: Thank you to the people of my last post who
• 1:08:35
  Speaker 4: let me know I wasn't being crazy or unreasonable and
• 1:08:38
  Speaker 4: who encouraged me to talk to her about it.
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 2: I tried and.
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 4: I thought I started out pretty respectfully, but maybe I
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 4: went about it the wrong way. Thanks anyway to all
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 4: of you guys. And here's the tea that made me
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 4: lose it on her. Prior to getting my own place,
• 1:08:49
  Speaker 4: I never would have had the courage to open the
• 1:08:51
  Speaker 4: can of worms. I thought about just giving in and
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 4: sending her the money, but I stood my ground instead.
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 4: I'm unsure if I regret it or not yet. Safe
• 1:08:59
  Speaker 4: to say we will never Yeah, I mean, they basically
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 4: did