Latest / Why You Got Sick: How Emotion Drives Chronic Illness & Healing in Women / Why Needing Everyone's Approval Is Making Your Chronic Illness and Autoimmune Disease Worse — And What Changes When You Stop

Transcript

Why Needing Everyone's Approval Is Making Your Chronic Illness and Autoimmune Disease Worse — And What Changes When You Stop · Why You Got Sick: How Emotion Drives Chronic Illness & Healing in Women

• 0:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to Hill Yourself with the Law of Attraction.
• 0:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm your host Tecla, and I'm ready to guide you in a transformative journey of holistic health and self-discovery using the power of the law of attraction.
• 0:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: We've all heard tales of manifesting fortunes and jet-centered ventures.
• 0:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: But this, this is a different journey.
• 0:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: Here we focus on achieving abundant health, mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual.
• 0:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: With the law of attraction, I've healed chronic pain, overcome a diagnosed mental illness, and reverse PCOS.
• 0:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: We're all about realigning our energies to manifest our full potential.
• 0:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: As we focus inward, raising your vibration, you'll be astounded by the ease at which the universe responds.
• 0:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: Once you focus on yourself, the rest just falls into place.
• 0:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: My goal for each weekly episode is to provide you with practical, easy to apply steps that you can weave directly into your daily routine.
• 0:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Together, we'll navigate the path to achieving your own health and wellness goals.
• 1:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: So let's dive right in.
• 1:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: Hello my wellness witches.
• 1:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm your host Tecla.
• 1:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is Heal Yourself with the Law of Attraction.
• 1:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: And today, I'm excited to share something with you that I've been working on for months now.
• 1:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: The vision through this actually came to me when I was in London recently and it was inspired by all of the experiences and stories of the women I've had the pleasure of working with over the last two years.
• 1:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: In a few weeks, I will be launching now she heals a four week online healing retreat for women with chronic illness.
• 1:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: Think, clash robes, essential oils, herbal tea, and peace and quiet, but instead of flying to a high end retreat, it's happening all in your living room.
• 1:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now she heals is the first of its kind and it's unlike anything you've seen before.
• 1:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: This retreat is your invitation to slow down and finally take care of you.
• 2:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Across four restorative weeks, you'll set the foundation for real healing in a way that feels nourishing, easy, and deeply transformative.
• 2:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: You'll feel lighter, clearer, more in control, and back in touch with the version of you who feels free to make plans.
• 2:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: Enjoy life and experience real joy and happiness again without waiting for your health to be perfect first.
• 2:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Doors open soon, and those in the wait list will be guaranteed access to the early bird's special.
• 2:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Again, even though doors aren't open yet, the wait list is open, and I already have dozens of women signed up.
• 2:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: The link to the wait list is in the show note, so if you feel called to do this at all, trust that voice, lean into your intuition and sign up.
• 2:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: That way you'll stay up to date on all the details that are coming your way so soon.
• 2:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Okay, let's get into today's topic.
• 2:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want to talk about being disliked.
• 3:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: I recently reread one of my all-time favorite books, The Courage to Be Disliked.
• 3:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: There are three books total out of hundreds of self development books I've read that I can honestly say have changed my whole life and this is one of them.
• 3:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you haven't read it, I would absolutely make sure that it's the top of your list.
• 3:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: It changed my whole perspective on life and it was much needed after working so hard to break free from my people pleasing tendencies.
• 3:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: In my opinion, the key takeaway from this book is that true freedom is being disliked.
• 3:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: I know that might sound shocking to some of you, but when you stop and really think about it, it's hard to argue with.
• 3:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think most of you listening would agree that logically we all know that it's okay to be disliked even if it makes us uncomfortable.
• 3:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: If we're thinking about it, just purely rationally illogically, you know that it's okay to be disliked.
• 4:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: That said, I think most of us can also agree we don't want to be disliked.
• 4:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Of course we'd rather be liked by everyone we meet because being disliked is a form of rejection.
• 4:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: and rejection is hard and makes you question, what about you turn that other person off?
• 4:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think getting on board emotionally and having an openness to being disliked is super challenging and it's taken me a hot minute to get there myself.
• 4:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want you to take a second and think about one person you idolize.
• 4:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Someone that you genuinely think, they're amazing, empowering, encouraging, phenomenal, and they're an example of everything I want to be in the world.
• 4:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: Do you have an image of that person in your mind?
• 4:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you need a minute, just pause the podcast and think about it because I want you to have a clear picture of this person in your mind.
• 5:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: For those that do, I want you to ask yourself this question, honestly, and immediately, don't think about it too much.
• 5:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Can you honestly say that that hero that idol of yours is like by one hundred percent of people they come across or interact with?
• 5:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: Can you say that every single person that meets your hero likes them?
• 5:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: Absolutely not.
• 5:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can absolutely not say that.
• 5:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you show up authentically and genuinely and stay true to who you are, you're not going to be liked by everyone.
• 5:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: I promise you that.
• 5:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: You could be the sweetest, kindest, most giving loving person on the planet.
• 5:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: And there will be someone out there that still finds something they dislike about you.
• 5:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: So all of this accommodating and censoring and dimming your light that you're doing to please other people in an attempt to be light, it's a waste.
• 6:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Because if they're going to dislike you anyway, why are we going to all that effort?
• 6:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: And not only that, when you're living as this half version of yourself around some or all people, you're not standing in your full power.
• 6:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're not comfortable and confident in your own energy.
• 6:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's like turning on the light, but the dimmer switch is permanently dialed all the way down.
• 6:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: The real message here for you to take away from today is that you could show up as the most perfect version of a human being, and I guarantee there will still be somebody out there that doesn't like you for whatever reason.
• 6:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if you're struggling to accept that truth, that's the work you need to be doing before anything else.
• 6:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you're afraid and scared to show up as you and as a result, you let people walk all over you.
• 6:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: You compromise your boundaries and your values.
• 7:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: You put your own needs lost.
• 7:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm telling you, that is worse for your health than smoking a whole pack of cigarettes every week.
• 7:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I know that sounds crazy, I get it.
• 7:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: Please let me explain.
• 7:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: I know there's someone in your world, whether you know the personally or just heard a story about them, but they have been a near-perfect health, near-perfect physical health.
• 7:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let me clarify.
• 7:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: As a human, they eat right, they work out all the time, they go to the doctor, they get regular checkups, and they still get handed a diagnosis.
• 7:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's either chronic or terminal, like cancer.
• 7:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: How many of you can relate to that?
• 7:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: I know you can.
• 7:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: You know someone personally or you've heard a story like this, I'm sure.
• 7:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: What does that tell you?
• 7:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's something else going on there.
• 7:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: When you tell yourself, it's not safe to be me.
• 7:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's not safe to take up space.
• 7:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's not safe to speak my truth.
• 8:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's not safe to live a life I'm proud of.
• 8:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: That has a detrimental effect on your health.
• 8:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: And when you think about those messages being repeated multiple times a day for years, there's going to be an impact.
• 8:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: This emotional and mindset component to health, in my opinion, is more important than anything else.
• 8:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: I am also a prime example of this.
• 8:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: I lived four years as an elite athlete with a scholarship to a D-One University at a top program in the United States.
• 8:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Even before that, I was performing at an incredibly high level as a high school student.
• 8:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was meddling nationally.
• 8:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I can say at my peak physical fitness, which was probably halfway through college.
• 8:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was super lean, super strong, super trim and tone.
• 8:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was so fit.
• 8:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: We would often run fitness practices and workouts against our men's team, and it wasn't uncommon for me to beat some or most of them.
• 9:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: And while I was at peak physical performance, I was at my worst place emotionally and mentally.
• 9:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: I had severe anxiety.
• 9:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: My self-worth was so intertwined and connected to having to be the best and having to win.
• 9:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: I had an eating disorder that was consuming my life.
• 9:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was at war with myself internally all of the time.
• 9:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't love myself, and as a result, I looked for that external validation and love in other people.
• 9:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: In the friends that I made, in the people I slept with and dated, I hope it's clear what I'm getting at.
• 9:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: Look, I'm a big supporter of Girl Math, but which is I got to tell you on this one, the Math Eight Massing.
• 9:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't add up.
• 9:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is why I say to so many of you that you can do all of the things.
• 9:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: The treatments, the protocols, the diet, the scans, the testing, and that is only one piece of the puzzle.
• 10:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: You have to have the courage and bravery to look at these other pieces.
• 10:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: And learning to be okay with being disliked is such an important part of that.
• 10:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm also speaking to you not only as a guide and a coach, but as someone that has been through it, I've been there.
• 10:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you're new into this podcast, I lost a lot of really close friends after leaving Denver a few years ago.
• 10:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: It has been a real real struggle to re-establish and find friends now that I'm back home.
• 10:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: And honestly, if I didn't have my best friend C, and she's been my longest friend, I don't know what my life would look like.
• 10:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's been tough.
• 10:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I promise you, I have tried.
• 10:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: Haven't just been sitting at home.
• 10:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: I've been going to events during clubs doing things in my community and reaching out to old people that I knew when I grew up here.
• 10:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: And there has been rejection after rejection.
• 10:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I know that there are so many reasons for that rejection.
• 10:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I'll never do the truth.
• 11:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: But what I do know, what I've had to come to terms with, is that some of those people just don't like me and they never will.
• 11:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: And it's okay.
• 11:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: My only job is to show up authentically, genuinely and honestly.
• 11:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if somebody doesn't like that or can't meet me in the space I'm in in my life, they're not for me.
• 11:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: And this brings me to another point that I want to bring up.
• 11:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: If something is meant for you, you're not going to miss that opportunity.
• 11:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's not going to fly by you and never be seen again, okay?
• 11:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: It will keep presenting to you until you take it, and the same goes for people.
• 11:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: If someone is meant for you and meant to be in your life, you're not going to miss them, and it's going to be almost impossible to lose them.
• 11:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: This brings me to another story.
• 11:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: When I was in my junior or senior year in college, I currently remember which one.
• 11:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: But as I just mentioned, I was in a terrible place.
• 12:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: My inner world was a dumpster fire.
• 12:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: I was in such a bad place that I actually started picking fights with two of my super close friends at the time.
• 12:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: And these people had been my friends for years and my closest allies and my biggest supporters.
• 12:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: They were actually on the rowing team with me.
• 12:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: And reflecting on this now, I was self-sabotaging.
• 12:28
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I was taking out all of this anger ahead of myself on those people around me.
• 12:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: And I'll tell you these fights were not good.
• 12:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: There was a lot of conflicts.
• 12:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: There were a lot of things that I said that I wish I could take back now.
• 12:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: But I'll tell you this.
• 12:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: I am still friends with those two people today.
• 12:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: And one of those people, I was at her wedding, I have so much love for her, and I know she has that for me.
• 12:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: We don't live in the same country anymore, but if I'm anywhere ever near her, we make it a priority to catch up, to check in.
• 13:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: We call each other a couple times a year.
• 13:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: That bond is still there for sure.
• 13:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is what I mean.
• 13:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is an example.
• 13:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: If it's meant for you, you can't fuck it up.
• 13:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can't lose it.
• 13:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: Please, no.
• 13:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: I'm absolutely not saying treat your friends like trash, okay?
• 13:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's not the message here.
• 13:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: I owned up, I apologize, and made amends with those people.
• 13:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that's why I'm lucky enough to call them friends today.
• 13:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Whoever is meant to be in your world will be hard to lose even if you make a mistake.
• 13:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's the message.
• 13:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Mistakes are part of being human.
• 13:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: So stop worrying so much about keeping the peace or not speaking your truth or dimming your light because if you have the right people around you, they're not going to be threatened by it.
• 13:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe some will stop texting, maybe some will stop calling, maybe there's some that's going to not make it effort to see you anymore.
• 13:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: But those people you don't want anywhere near you.
• 13:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: You are a product of the six people you spend the most time with.
• 14:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let that sink in for a second.
• 14:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Look at the lives of the six people around you that you spend the most time with, and ask yourself this one question.
• 14:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: Can I be my truest, most authentic self around them?
• 14:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if the answer is no, you've got to walk away and be okay with the fact that you're going to be disliked because like I said at the start of this episode, being disliked is freedom.
• 14:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: It means you're showing up and your only concern is taking action aligned with your values, no matter what the impact is on anyone else around you.
• 14:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: You are your first priority and everyone else comes after.
• 14:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: In this book, the courage to be disliked, the author talks about only being concerned with your own tasks.
• 14:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: In other words, only concerning yourself with what's in your direct control.
• 14:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: What you say, how you act and the energy you show up with, that's all in your direct control.
• 15:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: How somebody else responds to that is not your task.
• 15:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's not in your control.
• 15:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: To live a free and fulfilling life, you must only concern yourself with your own task.
• 15:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: And be okay with whatever else happens around you because you cannot control it.
• 15:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you live your life and act in a way to appease other people, you're not ever living for yourself.
• 15:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: And that is what is so fucking damaging to your health.
• 15:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is a very high-level overview of the teachings in this book, and there are a lot of questions I'm sure you have.
• 15:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: But if you want to dive into the water, I've sent all the caveats to what I'm talking about, go and read the book.
• 15:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's going to change your life because it has changed mine.
• 15:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Every episode I like to connect our topic back to the Universal Laws.
• 15:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: They govern how I like to live my life, and I truly believe they help provide direction for all of us to live more aligned and authentically.
• 16:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: So what is today's topic have to do with the universal laws?
• 16:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let's start with the law of vibration.
• 16:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Every thought you think, every emotion you feel and every action you take carries an energetic charge, a vibrational frequency.
• 16:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: When you're constantly contorting yourself to be liked, to be accepted to avoid rejection, you're vibrating at a frequency of fear and inauthenticity.
• 16:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: That energy doesn't attract aligned relationships.
• 16:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: It attracts more situations where you feel unsafe on worthy and unseen.
• 16:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: But when you fully accept that not everyone is gonna like you and you keep showing up as the real you anyway, your vibration changes.
• 16:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: It rises.
• 16:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: It becomes magnetic as you shift into alignment.
• 16:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: And suddenly the people, the opportunities and the healing you've been chasing start to unfold.
• 17:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Not because you worked harder, but because your energy finally matched what you were asking for.
• 17:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now let's talk about the law of divine oneness.
• 17:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: This law teaches us that we're all connected.
• 17:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: Every person, every interaction, every experience is reflecting something back to us.
• 17:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: So, when you're disliked by someone, it's not a failure on your part.
• 17:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's an invitation.
• 17:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's either reflecting a part of you that still feels unworthy, or it's confirming that you're no longer meant to stay small to be accepted.
• 17:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: Disconnection hurts, rejection hurts.
• 17:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: But if you can look at it as redirection, life is gonna get so much fucking easier for you.
• 17:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Think about it like the universe clearing space for the better.
• 17:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: For people who see you and love you as you are, not as someone who has to wear a mask or dim their light to be accepted.
• 17:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: Alright wellness witches, please remember to join the wait list for now she heals if that resonates with you.
• 18:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: And come and join an awesome community of women who are ready to change their lives.
• 18:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: Again, the link for that is in the show notes.
• 18:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: That's all for today.
• 18:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: Peace, love, and mung beans.
• 18:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: Bye.