Latest / Armstrong & Getty One More Thing / A Perpetual Humble Brag

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A Perpetual Humble Brag · Armstrong & Getty One More Thing

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: It'll be a humble brag he uses the rest of
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: his life. It's one more thing.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: I'm strung and geddy, one more thing.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: I mean, a guy who could have meddled in the
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: pole vault but knocked the bar off because his manhood
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: is too big. Is the sort of thing you pretend
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: to complain about throughout your life.
• 0:21
  Speaker 3: Right, menshonse is constantly getting in my way. For instance,
• 0:25
  Speaker 3: there was the Paris Olympics. Perhaps you saw it.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's kind of a drag. I mean, I'm so
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: big down there, and it hurt my pole vaulting career.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: What my poll ruined my poll vault exactly? So anyway,
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: we got a couple of pole vault stories for you.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: One of them uh comedy, one of them real. This
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: is from John Oliver's show on HBO.
• 0:47
  Speaker 4: The men's one hundred meters finals were on Sunday, where
• 0:51
  Speaker 4: American Noah Lyles got the gold medal by five thousands
• 0:55
  Speaker 4: of a second. This was the closest finish in over
• 0:58
  Speaker 4: forty years. And I don't want to take anything away
• 1:00
  Speaker 4: from no Allows, but isn't this a tie?
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: I mean, wouldn't we even have.
• 1:05
  Speaker 4: Ties for if we're not gonna pull it out for
• 1:07
  Speaker 4: stuff like this. I mean, in fact, if you were
• 1:09
  Speaker 4: watching this with just your eyes, all these guys finished
• 1:12
  Speaker 4: at the same time. Really, if these guys were trains,
• 1:16
  Speaker 4: no one would say my train was late. Another Olympic
• 1:20
  Speaker 4: moment getting a lot of attention. A pole vaulter lost
• 1:23
  Speaker 4: when his giant shlong.
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: On the crossbarm.
• 1:30
  Speaker 4: But this has gotta be the best possible way to lose.
• 1:33
  Speaker 4: I will say, next Olympics, this guy should compete in
• 1:35
  Speaker 4: one hundred meters. He'd win from ten feet back.
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: Oh no, let's be better than that. Let's say, come.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: On, as long is an unerrated word, it's not gonna
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: start using it more often.
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I work with children.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: And I agree with that one hundred meters saying, you
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: look at it, it was a tie at five of
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: them more.
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: At the same speed. It's a race.
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: The one guy's finished before the other guy five one
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: thousandths of a second, mister, trophies for everyone. Was the
• 2:05
  Speaker 3: attitude that ruined America. What would they have done without
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: modern technology? If it was just eyeballs, they had to
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: call it a tie, wouldn't they. Well, remember a photo
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: finish was like film back in the day. And you
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: couldn't fire off that many frames.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: So yeah, I suspect they would have called it a tie,
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: right because it was five one thousandth of a second,
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: which is an unimaginable amount of time. Yeah you yeah, Well,
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: if the technology is accurate in assessing that that dude,
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: yeah he passed or he hit the plane five one
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: thousandths of a second before the other dude, Well then
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: I guess you use it.
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: But I kind of see your point in that. You're
• 2:45
  Speaker 3: I mean, what if it was like one one millionth
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: of a second, Well, well, you're right, exactly right, or like,
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: you know, there's some sort of vibrating electron measuring device
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: that is, you know, it's one trillionth of whatever point.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: But the pole ball guy could have just flopped it
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: forward across the line, all right, yeah, long flop forward.
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: Swanstuka is my favorite from the draw.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: I know somebody who regularly refers to it as a penis,
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: and I just find that as off putting as anything
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: could be.
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: I don't know why the actual word what are you child? Huh?
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: It's uh so what do you prefer? I don't think
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: it's a well crafted word.
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: For one thing, I would I would like a different word, well,
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: not different vowels, and Katy.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: Asks what I prefer, and that's where I have to
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: uh not answer because it depends on the setting obviously.
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: Ah yeah, well all right, you're at your urologist's office,
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: I call it my penis.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: If I'm at the urologist, I suppose.
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: But see, I don't like.
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: I think long vowels make words tougher to take, like
• 4:01
  Speaker 3: vrgina is easier to take than the other.
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: One, the vagina, pennis? What is easier to take than penis?
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: I don't know why.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: I'm curious about this, Katie. I'm gonna try to keep
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: this like above sophomore level, but I am curious. So like,
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: if you were going to go to the doctor and
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: you were having you who problems, would you say, I
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: got a X problem with my vagina?
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: Is that what you would say? Yeah, probably you would.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: I guess doctor, what else are you going to say?
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: I don't know, and don't offer any choices.
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: One rhymes with scooter, Hey, doc, something's wrong with the skater.
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: Like happ a Lachian doctor or something? What was I'm
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: so bad at Saturday Night Live? I don't watch that much.
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: But Kate McKinnon, Yeah, her character that got him to
• 5:02
  Speaker 3: a Yeah, really unfortunate. Yeah, don't even Yeah, that's interesting if.
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: You want to google it.
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: Now we have actual pull vulter, best poll vulter in
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: the world.
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: Buy a lot.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: I didn't know this, but like, if he enters the competition,
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: it's not does he win or not, it's by how much?
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: And he's been doing this for years and he's got
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: all the world records, which I can explain in just
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: a little bit of the shame.
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: We'll have to shoot him for treason. Okay, I want
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: to hear that.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: Mando do Plantis. Here's what it sounded like in Paris.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: It was the only event going on at the very
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: end of the night. He'd already won the gold medal,
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: but he is gonna go ahead and jump is one
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: more time to see if he could set a gold medal,
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: a world world record.
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: Mando de Plantis world records.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: He does on his back. He's so he's so used
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: to setting world records, it's not even that for him.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: He just lands on his back, jumps up, runs over,
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: kisses his hot model girlfriend to make sure she gets
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: some FaceTime because they are crafty with the way they
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: make money. She gets some FaceTime, everybody becomes aware of
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: her name, which helped her and him. And he's got
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: in his contract that he makes fifty thousand dollars or
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: something like that every time he sets a world record,
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: So rather than raise the bar to what he thinks
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: he can jump, he raises it by the minimum amount
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: every single time. So that's how he's set like fifteen
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: world records in the last two years. Every competition he
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: just raises it a timey bit. So he's always setting
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: a world record. Who knows how high he could jump
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: if he went as high as he wanted, and uh,
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: you know I do know no rules against that.
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, all right, I'm checking out the girlfriend.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: It would have been like if Hussain Bolt had like,
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: you know, pulled up and then world record and then
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: pulled up next time world just to keep setting world
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: records as opposed to running as fast as he can.
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: Right, So let's get to why he'll have to be
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: shot for treason. Wow, harsh Mondo, what shooting Olympic athletes
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: for failing to fulfill my patriotic you know, desires and priorities.
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: So this guy, you hear the name Mondo Duplantis and
• 7:14
  Speaker 3: you think, wow, what was odd? Republican Eastern Europe is
• 7:18
  Speaker 3: he from. He's from Louisiana. He's as American.
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: As you and me.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: I'm not gonna like this.
• 7:25
  Speaker 3: He competes for Sweden because his mom, I think, way
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: back in the day she was some sort of athlete,
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: and because some sort of family connection, she was allowed
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: to compete for Sweden.
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: So he's allowed to compete for Sweden.
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: And the reason he competes for Sweden, And they talked
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: about this on NBC before you tell the other half
• 7:44
  Speaker 3: of the story, Yes.
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: Before you tell me, because I was running this through
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: my mind. Usually when this happens, it's because you can't
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: make the American team, right, He's the opposite. He can
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: make any team in the world. There ain't anybody even
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: close to as good as him. So I'm trying to
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: figure out why you decide to go compete for a
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: lesser country.
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: Well, NBC explained that because of that weird family relationship,
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: he was allowed to compete for Sweden, and the Swedish
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: team said, Hey, the fact that your dad is your
• 8:12
  Speaker 3: coach and your mom is your trainer is no problem.
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: With US, you bring your team on as they are.
• 8:18
  Speaker 3: But NBC because it's all feel good and I get it,
• 8:22
  Speaker 3: it's the Olympics. This is not hard hitting journalism. But
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: they didn't explain, well, you had to infer So the
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: US team said that's not cool or what the guy's
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: not competing for the country he was born in and
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: grew up in. Why not? But in smiling it and
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: the Swedish he's competing for Sweden. They said it was
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: fine that his mom and his dad and family and
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: the champions and the gold medals and wonderfulness and look
• 8:48
  Speaker 3: at him go. And I was sitting there as an
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: American thinking, well, what the American team say? They told
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: him to go to hell? Why would they do that?
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: He's the best in the world by you know, a
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: foot But they didn't explain that.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah, so to tell Mondo, So, is it kind
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: of like the way people who've got, you know, a
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: grandfather who is Irish and you're a quarter of Irish,
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: you're really into Irish heritage? Is it just that his
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: mom is from there? Andyll?
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: He also he's a Louisiana and he's an American. He
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: won the gold medal for the United States. They need
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: to fix that.
• 9:24
  Speaker 3: Well, right, yeah, we get it. Is it possible? And
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: I don't know that track and field is way bigger
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: in Europe, like more of the time than it is here,
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: So he could make more money being because he's like
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: a hero in Sweden and in Europe he's a household
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: name there, and he knew the market's not so hot
• 9:44
  Speaker 3: in America.
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: So I'm gonna explain this sense obscure connection and compete
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: for a different.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: Country that actually makes sense in other countries, like track
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: and field or soccer or whatever sport. It's a really
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: really big deal in the United States. You can be
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: a really big deal in some sports and you're just
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: nobody's gonna care.
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: So Mondo, when the US Coast war with China, which
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: side are you on? Whichever side gives you the best.
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: Deal or what? Hmm, I'm calling you out, son.
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: I loved After he kissed his girlfriend after breaking the record,
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: one of his teammates was standing there.
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: They just started punching the crap out of each other. Yeah,
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: that was weird.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: That was very I thought they were I actually thought
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: they were starting to fight there for a second, but
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: apparently it was a weird greeting.
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and yes, I can confirm that his girlfriend is
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: an attractive young woman.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: So see, you're watching the Olympics. You know I could
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: have won a medal in the Olympics. Yeah, yeah, but
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: my penis is too big, so I didn't ever watched
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: the pole vault. Oh how they squeeze over the bar.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: That's what I tried to do, but I can't because
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: my penis is so large.
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: Yep, my schlog got hooked. You know how painful that
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: can be.
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: Anyway, and that's why I don't watch the Olympics.
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: Well, that podcast was spicy, had a bit of a
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: wang to it. Well, I guess that's it.