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The Storm the Church Doesn't See : No Dating + No Marriage = No Children (Part 2 0f 2) · Goon Tavern

• 0:16
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome back, everybody.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_02: I am your host, Jamin McCamer.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to the Goon Tavern.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_02: I am the Goon.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_02: And we are here for our second part of our two-part series, which has to do with the church's blind spot when it comes to dating and marriage.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm really excited about it.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_02: So, to kind of just quick debrief of what we talked about yesterday.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_02: Let me look at my notes here.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_02: All right.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_02: Last episode, we talked about basically the huge issue that we are having right now, where basically a lot of women are going to be unmarried and childless by 2030, according to a Morgan Stanley research poll.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_02: 45% of women 29 to 44 by 2030, less than four years away, women will be unmarried and without kids.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_02: On top of that, the other issue that we have currently right now is 63% of young men are not even looking into a relationship or even interested in dating relationships.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_02: On top of this, to just recap, some of the things that we talked about, the issues of prolonging marriage, which is also happening within the church.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_02: We find out that basically comparison to the world and the church, virginity is not something that is valued among young people within the church, unfortunately.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_02: We found out that basically, even within conservative couples, only 10% are both virgins on their wedding night, which is really tragic.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_02: On top of it, the age has been higher and higher in terms of when people are getting married.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_02: They're putting off marriage longer and longer.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_02: Right now, the average age is 30 years for young men and 28 for young women.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_02: So what we kind of went over is basically what this does is a number of huge issues.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_02: It not only has it where people are prolonging their sexual urges that God has given them since puberty, waiting about 22 years until they become married.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_02: And we are just fooling ourselves to think that there's not going to be a lot of damage in terms of sexual relations or pornography use on both sides of the aisle.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_02: And so you're going to be carrying that into the marriage that you're going to build.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_02: On top of it, part of the issue as well is that there is a problem as well, where men and women are becoming very opposite in their values and in what they hold as important.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_02: As I mentioned last week, you had it where men are becoming more conservative, where women are becoming more liberal.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_02: Part of the reason for this is that women are becoming more college graduates than men, compared to 60% for uh women and then 45% for men graduating college.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_02: As a result of ladies going to college as well, it also opens the opportunity for promiscuity, having it where their faith is challenged because depending on the college they go to, Marxist ideology, which damages their faith.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_02: And then by the time that they want to settle down, they're also not only high in debt, but the likelihood of having it where men and women are on the same page, even emotionally, and also when it comes to um their past mistakes that they've made sexually, it just causes a huge gasoline fire and is going to cause issues in their future marriages.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_02: So women are becoming less interested in traditional roles where men are gravitating more towards that.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_02: Um so you know, going off of that, that's just kind of a recap of what we talked about.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_02: And some of the things that I talked about is basically how I think women tend to look very much at the person uh or man that they're interested in it is based on, you know, support.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_02: And that's understandable, but it is to an onuristic level in terms of what the average income is for men in the United States.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_02: And when a guy is obviously young, he's not going to have as much.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_02: So ladies are looking towards college.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_02: Men don't have any outlet for marriage.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_02: And honestly, marriage honestly helps men to grow maturely.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and when you have someone that you have to provide for, that gives that opportunity for that growth.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_02: But if men aren't getting married until much later in their 30s and women are waiting until they're 35, the other issue as well that I brought up last week was basically the aid production of a woman in her 30s drops to 50%.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_02: At 35, it goes to 20%.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_02: And at 40 years old, it drops to almost less than 5%.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_02: So it's a daunting situation.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_02: Prolonging marriage is not a healthy thing.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_02: It should not be encouraged, it should be completely discouraged, especially with the concept of marriage and fertility.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_02: And, you know, if a if a woman is wanting to be a mother at some point in her life, the question I would also ask and challenge her as well is like, is like, is prolonging that until you're 30s wise?
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_02: It do you have to get a degree if you are wanting to be a stay-at-home mom, especially?
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_02: I personally believe that's the best way, and I think that's the most biblical example that we have.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_02: And of course, a lot of people want to bring up Proverbs 31 as like, oh, she was a boss, babe, because she bought a vineyard.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_02: If you look at Proverbs 31, the whole element of everything that she does is for the home.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_02: It is always linked to the home.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_02: And it's it's kind of clear from the different hints that we get in the passage that she was definitely a wife of a wealthy man.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_02: It talks about like he is known in the gates.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_02: He's a man of stature.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_02: He's not just some farmer who, you know, is just trying to make ends meet and rub two knuckles together.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and she makes a uh purchase with the money that obviously her husband has made to purchase a vineyard.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think it's like she's gonna, like, oh, I'm gonna start my own winery and I'm gonna call it this name and I'm gonna stay up, you know, you know, like 40 uh hours a week away from my children.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think that's a fair comparison to a boss babe.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_02: I really don't.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_02: I just don't think it it fits with the passage.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so here are some things that like we have after the last episode last week.
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_02: These are some of the gaps that we have right now.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_02: So education being one of them.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_02: Women are now on the high end of education, where men are probably on the low end.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_02: And when I say about education, that just means a degree.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_02: You obviously have it where women are going to college more than men, and 60% of all college graduates are women, where 45% make up of males.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_02: You also have finances.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_02: Finances are gonna possibly probably become larger on the female end rather than the male end if they don't have a college degree.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_02: Although a college degree is becoming less and less valuable.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_02: It used to be just an associates was good, then it went from that to a bachelor, and now it's like a master's or a doctorate.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_02: It just keeps the bar, it keeps on raising more.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_02: And it makes perfect sense.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_02: Like the value of having something that is a rare skill set or a degree that is um not as popular or as difficult to get makes it valuable.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_02: But if more people are getting degrees, then the value of it goes down because if everyone has it, it doesn't matter.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_02: That is why the increase goes from a bachelorette to then a doctor's and a masterate, and that not being enough.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_02: So when ladies are looking at men these days, they look at usually what they've accomplished or what money they're making.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_02: And if they see a guy that's an average guy that does not make as much as they do or doesn't have the same college degree, they're pretty much written off.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_02: And here's where I think that's problematic is like I mentioned in the last episode.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_02: If you want to have it where your only focus is on how much money he makes and what degree he has, you're missing a huge foundation part of what you should be looking for as a godly spouse.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_02: And the same thing goes, because like I'll tell you this right now, ladies.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_02: I I hate to break it to you.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_02: Men do not care about your education.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_02: They really do not care.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_02: They don't care about how much money you make, they don't care about your accomplishments, they really don't care.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_02: Do you know what men care about?
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_02: Are you a quiet and gentle spirit?
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_02: Are you supportive?
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_02: Are you encouraging?
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_02: Are you family-oriented?
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_02: Do you want to have children?
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_02: Do you want to have a family?
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_02: Do you want to be a mother?
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_02: Are you going to be a supporter in him and his goals?
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_02: Um, because here's what has happened because of the whole feminist mindset.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_02: We have basically turned women into men, and we've turned men into women.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_02: And the women don't like how the men have become, and men don't like how the women have become.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_02: But that's the problem.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_02: That's why you have it where more men are becoming conservative, where women are becoming more liberal.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_02: And it's a huge issue.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_02: It's even within the church.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_02: I think we like to think that, like, oh, that's not penetrating the church, that's not happening, but it is.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_02: The factor of like the issues that a lot of guys and women are having when it comes to dating in the church are very similar to this.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_02: So continuing down this list of these gaps, you also have the sexual baggage, which is high on both ends.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_02: You either have it where women have been run through multiple partners, and men is probably two, or if men have not had multiple partners, they have it where they have the baggage of pornography.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, come on, like the church has to get wrap their head around this and think about this.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_02: We we cannot be like, guys, don't you look at pornography.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_02: For 22 years, I want you to basically just cut off your wanker, put it away, and don't ever think about sex until you get married.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_02: That is stupid and absolutely foolish.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_02: It really is stupid.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_02: And let's just stop pretending that women don't have a sex drive either, okay?
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_02: I think women probably don't uh discuss most of their sexual um failures because it's not the normal thing to do.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_02: But for men, it's usually quite common that pornography is talked about from the pulpit, you know, sexual failures and lust issues when it comes to men is pretty much covered a lot.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_02: But we tend not to think that way towards women.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_02: We we don't not view them in that light, but they do have their own issues with sexual um sins and failures themselves.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and so when you have this extra baggage, that also creates problems with future relationships because it's either that men or women that have viewed pornography have a toxic view of what an intimate relationship looks like.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_02: That's not God glorifying, that's not natural.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_02: And you also have it where your pair bonding doesn't happen because you've been with multiple partners, and as a result, it makes a huge issue of past partners coming to light in your thought life and comparison in terms of your sexuality with your future spouse, and it is a huge problem and it has consequences, and it needs to stop, it needs to be addressed because clearly, even though I know it used to be mock the whole idea of like, you know, getting a purity ring and having a ceremony, and oh, it's kind of silly, blah, blah, blah.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_02: And I get it, I came from that age, okay.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_02: But for me to like save myself for marriage, I still was 31 when I got married.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_02: And granted, I was pretty smart about not putting myself in certain situations until I met my first wife, and that was something that I really uh believed in and that I really fought for.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_02: Um, it doesn't mean obviously that like everything's gonna work out just because you do that, but we have kind of forgotten where our roots are in terms of honoring God with our bodies, okay?
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_02: And not only just God, but our future spouse to respect them enough to present ourselves to our future spouse without spot or blemish.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_02: Now, I know some are gonna say, and I agree, yes, Christ can uh totally remove any sin as far as from the east and from the west.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_02: But we also have to be honest with the fact that they do have consequences, our choices, our decisions have consequences.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_02: The single parent understands that their decision of who they had sex with and got pregnant with, that they are stuck with that person forever, unless obviously the partner has left.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_02: And and sometimes that happens.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_02: But if we if we kind of warn people ahead of time and I urge and I plead with you to not take your sexuality lightly, it is a gift from God, it is something that's natural.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_02: However, though, when it is not channeled in the proper light, it is super dangerous.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_02: I speak from experience myself of struggling with pornography in the past, okay?
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_02: And so it is not something to take lightly, it's not something to just brush off as like, well, it's it's something that God's given me.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_02: It's not fair.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_02: But the church has have has to do a better job in terms of encouraging rather than have the norm be where people get married in their 30s.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_02: And they need to address both sides.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_02: Like, you know, women have to stop being so picky.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_02: I hear this quite a lot, you know, from uh pastors like women, don't you settle?
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_02: Don't you settle, okay?
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_02: How does that help?
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_02: When you tell a woman don't settle, whatever list she has concocted in her head, if it's 20 on that list, 100, maybe 10 on the list, who knows?
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_02: If you have it where like that's not evaluated in the idea of, well, what is on your list?
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_02: What are the most important things to look for in a spouse?
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_02: Because I tell you this, like the percentage ladies, you know, to just be honest, the percentage of men that make six figures, six feet tall, six foot abs, and all this stuff, it is a super small percentage, ladies.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_02: They don't exist.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_02: You are searching for a unicorn that does not exist.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm sorry, not every lady is a unicorn, but that is kind of what is happening right now.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_02: We are searching for something that does not exist.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_02: And we're honestly not really thinking about what values we should be valuing when it comes to finding a biblical husband or a biblical wife.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_02: On top of the sexual baggage, that is a gap.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_02: You also have politically.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_02: Ladies are becoming more left-leaning, where men are becoming more conservative.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm sorry, those two types of ideologies cannot coexist.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_02: You cannot have it where a man is wanting to have more traditional roles with a wife, to stay at home with the children, to take in men the home and to care for it while he works.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_02: When you have it where women are becoming more boss babes that want to have it all, they want to have a career, they want to have kids, and it's exhausting on a marriage.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_02: Think of it this way, okay?
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_02: You now have it where two people have degrees.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_02: That's now twice as much debt, depending on where you go to school, if they both have degrees.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_02: Then you're gonna have it where you both go to work, okay?
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_02: 40 hours minimum for each of you.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_02: Then on top of it, when you have kids, then you have to spit, you have to split the kids' responsibility of taking care of the kids and taking care of the home.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_02: And so I hear the complaint quite often online with uh different social media posts and stuff is like women are tired because they're taking care of the house and they're also working 40 plus hours and taking care of the kids.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_02: And the husband comes home exhausted, depending on what job he has.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_02: If it's a trade job, he's probably even more exhausted because he's physically using his body more than a um, because let's be fair, like most lady jobs are not always like physical labor.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_02: A lot of them aren't.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_02: They're usually office jobs or they could be in retail, um, a restaurant, probably.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and it just depends on what type of job they have.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_02: So we have now created this um environment that's very toxic.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_02: Both spouses are burnt out because they have to take on two uh incomes.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_02: And when you have high school debt, you have to have it where you're it's either unless you have it where the man makes so much money that he can cover her debt and she can then stay home, which is super rare these days in this kind of economy, it's not gonna be able to happen.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_02: It's just not gonna take place.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_02: So you have it where both spouses are burnt out of their mind.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_02: Have some tea there.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_02: And you have it where the debt is increased by double.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_02: And so then what is the alternative?
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_02: You either have to have it where you put your kids in daycare or public school or private school, which is gonna cost you more, um, because you both have to work to pay off your debts because you both went to school.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_02: And so we need to really uh reevaluate this.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_02: If this is if this is what's gonna be encouraged by the church as the new norm, it's it's not gonna work, it's gonna be a failure.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_02: And let's just be fair, the church, okay?
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_02: We have adopted some of the most stupid things in the church after the 60s, they haven't even been around that long, but we act like, oh, they've been around forever and then it works.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_02: No, is it really working?
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_02: Is it really working?
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_02: Are marriages better off now than they were in the 1960s?
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_02: And what was the difference between the 1960s and let's say now?
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, what changed?
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_02: Well, you have the birth control peer pill, you have women liberation, the sexual revolution, feminism came on the scene, which wanted to destroy, you know, the biblical roles of men and women when it comes to the Bible, and it is seeped into the church, and we we call it egalitarianism or complementarianism because I do believe complementarianism is just egalitarianism light, honestly.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_02: And so you have then these huge political oppositions of men and women, where women are more liberal leaning and men are leaning more conservative, and so both are not finding what they're looking for because you're not gonna find a man that's gonna want to be like, Yeah, I want I want to marry someone that's a boss babe that makes a lot of money and uh she has a career and she's not gonna be around with the kids.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_02: Men aren't looking for that.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_02: A lot of men that I know in the church are not looking for that.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and so that he becomes a huge problem.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_02: The other gap you have is values, values have shifted completely now.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_02: So you have it where um the the values have shifted so much that um you have two different things.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_02: So, like the questions we can ask in those values is like, so why are women not getting married?
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_02: Well, part of it is this men don't have what they want anymore.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, think about it.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_02: What what would a woman look for a man for other than okay, uh procreation, having a kid, okay?
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_02: Because they do need you do need a male and a female to make a kid, okay?
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_02: Last I checked.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_02: Um, unless depends on who you ask, okay, with the the alphabet pervert group, okay, of the trans community who doesn't even know what a man or woman is.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_02: Um gosh, I tell you, we're getting just wacky these days.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_02: It's insane.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so women basically men do not have what they are looking for anyone, okay?
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_02: Because they have created their own security, they have their own degree, they have their own money, they have their own uh apartment or house by the time they do, because they are usually more ambitious.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_02: But we flipped everything.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_02: Like, men don't have a woman in their life that helps them, their drive to pursue those things as women have.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_02: Women are just wired differently.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_02: And we can say, like, oh, well, men just step up and stuff.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_02: But when you are prolonging marriage, it prolongs maturity on both sides.
• 21:19
  SPEAKER_02: It prolongs men with the opportunity to provide because they men are simple creatures, they are happy.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_02: There's a reason why when you go into most bachelor places, like I have my mattress with no frame on the floor, a few milk crates, and a beat-up table, a TV, and that's it.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_02: You know?
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_02: And they they have like, you know, their their single spoon and their single fork and knife and their plates and their bowl and their one cup, and they're content.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_02: And women are different, okay?
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_02: Women bring stability to a man's life because the man Wants to provide.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_02: He wants to be able to have something that he is working for.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_02: When he is not married, it's very hard for him to have be goal-oriented without having that opportunity because no woman is going to give him that opportunity when he's young.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_02: So then what happens is until women are ready, after they're done doing their whole career and they decide to settle down, and at this time their fertility rate has dropped.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_02: Then they want to get married.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_02: Also, they probably have baggage with sexuality in the past, among other things, of debt and everything.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_02: Then they finally get married.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_02: The man gets married, and the man's either like starting at a good point in his life or a worse time in life.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_02: And then the woman settles, and she settles for the wrong reasons because her her biological clock is ticking.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_02: It's a huge disaster.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so that's part of what has happened with like women, like women, uh, security and probably protection and probably children is another element of what they would still need in a man as far as protection goes.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but uh you also got to think, too, we're leaving women without any spiritual leadership or guidance this entire time, especially if they go off to college.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_02: They're no longer under their father's uh influence.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_02: It doesn't mean that uh the father probably doesn't reach out to his daughter when she goes off to college, but it is kind of taking her away from that umbrella of protection that her father used to provide, and she's now on her own.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and I think that's unwise.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_02: Um, because you know, women can be deceived, and that's an unpopular thing to say, but that goes all the way back to Eve.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think it's wise to just like, you know, just let women into environments, especially secular environments, that will prey on her as a woman.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_02: And some are not gonna like me for saying that, but I hold to it.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_02: Um, the other thing with like men is like, why are men not getting married?
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_02: Well, there's a few things of that, okay?
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_02: There's um they don't want women that have a lot of baggage, okay.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_02: Um they obviously don't want to marry single mothers that have kids.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_02: A lot of men don't.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_02: They want to start a family on their own.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_02: And I have to speak very blatantly about this, okay?
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_02: For my thoughts of what I have witnessed, okay, when I was in the dating market, all right.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_02: I had the thought process, like, okay, because what it looked like is like, okay, I have two options.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_02: I can either have it where I marry someone that's divorced or I marry someone that already has kids for my age group.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm sorry, like ladies do not think this way.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_02: And here's here's the problem of why I would advise men to be super careful, and I would honestly say not to marry single mothers.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_02: And this is going to get some people upset.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_02: But this is the truth.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_02: I have yet to meet a woman who has already had kids with someone else, either that be the husband left or the husband died, where they decide to still put their new husband that they're going to marry first above their children.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_02: I will say that again.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_02: I have not met a single mother who has put her new husband first above her children.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_02: The children always come first.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_02: And ladies, I have to tell you, and be honest, a man can sure up front only be second in his relationship with his wife for so long.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_02: It's not biblical either.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_02: Single mother should still have the mindset of like my husband comes first over my kids.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_02: But if there's dual custody in that situation, the man is always never going to be a parent.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_02: He is basically supporting financially and emotionally into something that is not his.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_02: There is no ownership.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_02: And some might say, like, well, that's a beautiful thing to take on uh a someone else's kids and to love them and stuff.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, I agree with that.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_02: But I would say the only viable option in that case is if they have been widowed.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_02: Because the dad is out of the picture, and there is that possibility to bond with those new kids depending on how young they are, too.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_02: And so, guys, you have to consider this, okay?
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_02: There is a huge weight that you're going to have if you put yourself in that situation.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_02: Are you okay with not really being a father?
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_02: You're a stepdad, pretty much.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_02: And not, and sometimes it works out where if the dad is out of the picture and or or they have died or passed away, um, that that could happen, but it is very rare.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_02: I've heard it so many times when I was uh on dating apps and I was interested in ladies that had their kids, they would say that to me.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_02: They're like, Well, my kids come first.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_02: And all that I hear from that is like, okay, well, I'm gonna be always second.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_02: Um, no, thank you.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_02: That's just too emotionally uh difficult.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_02: That's different than even adoption.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_02: Like when you adopt your kid, it's still your kid.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_02: But if it ends up that she's gonna look at you as always being second to her kids, then she has a wrong view of marriage.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sorry.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_02: So, single mothers out there, if you're wanting to get married to a guy and let's say you already have kids, if you're wanting to look at this new guy's coming in as just someone that's gonna financially take care of your kids and take the burden off of you, don't get married.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_02: Don't do that, don't do that to uh a man.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_02: That's just so wrong.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_02: It's not biblical either, because marriage is about where you put your spouse first.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_02: God comes first and then your spouse.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_02: And uh, I think sometimes that happens even with couples that even have kids.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_02: They they always, what do the kids need?
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_02: What do the kids want?
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_02: What do the kids need?
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, you know, oh, they need this bot, they need that taken, oh, they need to go to this class, they need to go to this uh get together.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_02: And for time, that's okay, but like you got to realize your kids are gonna grow up and they're going to leave you.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_02: They're going to start their own lives, uh, get married, have their own kids, and they're gonna develop their own lives, and you two are still gonna be married in the end as empty nesters.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_02: And so I plead with those that are currently married right now, that aren't in a situation like this, do not put your kids first.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_02: Remember that your relationship as husband wife should always come first.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_02: And the same has to be if you're gonna be a single mother that wants to get remarried.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_02: You have to have that mindset.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_02: So if you do not have that mindset or maturity in that way, you should not get married.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_02: Because you are going to have it where there's gonna be a struggle emotionally and spiritually in your home if your husband feels second and always an afterthought.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_02: Especially if you still have the husband, your ex-husband or the husband of your baby daddy still in the picture because he's involved and has custody of the kids as well.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sure there's so many times where it's like, you know, you plan a date and then something comes up.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, sorry, we had to cancel today.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_02: Like that, those moments of intimacy that he wants to spend time with his wife on dates or go places and do something is always going to be determined by some other guy that's never in the home that he lives and that he's paying for.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm I think single mothers do not see that side of it of how difficult that is and how hard that's going to be.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_02: So that being said, um, so with men, you know, what uh part of the reason why they're not getting married is that there's a lot of baggage that comes from women that have had multiple relationships.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_02: As we know, that you know, both couples being virgins of the wildly night is like 10%.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_02: So that is a high probability.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_02: A lot of men don't feel like there is support for what their goals are because of the liberal way of thinking that has happened with women.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_02: And another factor that's not talked about either is modern marriage today is high risk of divorce, even in Christian circles.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_02: The idea of a man signing up for marriage when he is super capable because of a bias court system that currently exists right now, of losing everything that he has worked for, his children, his finances, retirement, whatever it be, because most divorces take place usually in a guy's 40s.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_02: And women initiate divorce more than men do.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_02: 70 to 82 percent of the time, women file for divorce.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_02: And if a woman is educated, it's even higher at 90% of initiating divorce over men.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_02: Now I'm sorry, I have a hard time believing that 70 to 82% of our divorces are because of infidelity or abuse.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_02: And I know the word abuse gets thrown around like confetti these days to the point of where it almost doesn't even have any meaning, unfortunately, which is really awful because it does exist and it does happen, but when it gets to the point where like it's always the reason, I'm doing air quotes right now, you're going to have it where guys look at these situations, they see a lot of their friends that are getting thrown into the grinder of the family court system where they lose everything, false allegations of either abuse or molestation of their kids, false allegations that come up to nothing because of child protective services.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_02: And you also got to think of the court itself, it drains men to the point of bankruptcy.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_02: You have it where you have to go to court just once.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_02: That could be easily$20,000.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_02: And it could be for something as simple or as little as like who's picking up the kids and where.
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_02: It's alimony on top of it, losing his retirement, losing everything he's worked for, because of the high probability of a woman initiating divorce, it's over.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_02: And that doesn't even matter if, like, you know, there's uh adultery involved or not, even if it's on the woman's side, she can still get all those things.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_02: So you we have to be fair to young men, and I'm speaking on behalf of the men right now.
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_02: We have to be fair to young men to realize like this is a huge problem.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_02: And this is where I think a good answer of why young men are not interested in dating or even a relationship.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_02: And you have 63% of young men from 18 to 29 feeling this way, and it's even in the church.
• 33:12
  SPEAKER_02: And so if you're gonna have it where you're gonna try to bridge this gap, that is the question you got to be asking yourself.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_02: Women are not gonna choose the average guy, they don't want to choose the average guy, they want a high alpha male one percenter that doesn't exist.
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_02: And I doubt they're even a one percenter myself.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_02: Look, I realize like I'm not gonna end up with a Victoria's secret model, it's just not reality.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_02: But I think sometimes a lot of ladies, their preferences and their list of expectations are so high off the charts, it's not based in reality.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sorry.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_02: And that even goes for ladies when it comes to attractiveness.
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_02: Sorry, ladies, not all of you are in a 10.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_02: I realize I'm not a 10, all right?
• 33:58
  SPEAKER_02: Never been toy.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_02: I am not a Brad Pitt, okay?
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_02: So we have to be honest with the factor of this is what it's like in the dating field right now.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_02: And I think a lot of pastors are oblivious to this because they grew up in a time period where none of this took place, there was no online dating, there probably wasn't this high amount of promiscuity even within the church.
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_02: The high probability of the divorce and what has happened with family court systems as well is a huge problem.
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_02: Feminism is a part of that.
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_02: You also have the political differences between men and women, and but we still give the same type of advice to men and women, and we think that somehow it's doing a service.
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_02: It's not so um the other thing that you know I wanted to get into as well is um basically like dating in general, and I think this would kind of help as well um with what is going on, and hopefully it would kind of like help as well uh with men and women.
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_02: I'm hoping it does from these things that I've like looked up to, okay?
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_02: Because obviously most dating takes place online right now.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_02: That is basically the norm.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_02: Dating online is the a huge uh I think it's like one out of three.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_02: And I thought it would be a lot higher than that, but it it's it seems to be not.
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_02: But we also got to think of like why a lot of men feel distraught right now.
• 35:24
  SPEAKER_02: Like, granted, sure, there's probably some men that need uh some coaching.
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, you're a little weird, you're a little awkward when you talk to people, you're not acting normal.
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_02: Those are things that sure they should improve on.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_02: And and I think guys are pretty good at that.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_02: We're pretty honest with each other, like, hey, you're getting fat, you need to lose some weight.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_02: You can't be that honest to ladies.
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sure if you told a woman fat, you know exactly what you would hear, okay?
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_02: So, but with guys, we're pretty honest with each other.
• 35:52
  SPEAKER_02: It's like, hey, you need to work out more, you're not doing it.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_02: Get together.
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_02: I think ladies, a lot of times they feed fluff to each other far too often, and they're not honest.
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_02: Um, because you're perfect as you are, you're a princess, and there's nothing wrong with you.
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but let's look at some of these like uh dating uh when it comes to dating apps, what's going on right now, okay?
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_02: Uh currently, right now, like for women, they feel it's choice overload, uh, overload, okay?
• 36:20
  SPEAKER_02: Basically that there's too many options on dating apps.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_02: And this kind of makes sense though, too, because here's here's the crazy statistic.
• 36:27
  SPEAKER_02: I I can't get over this right here.
• 36:29
  SPEAKER_02: It says here for for men, the average amount of swipes, and when I say swipes, it basically is like, you know, if you swipe left, that means you're interested.
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_02: If you swipe right, it means you're not interested.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_02: So a man will swipe swipe left 3,000 times average.
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_02: That's average to get one single date.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_02: One one single date, okay?
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_02: That's just insane.
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_02: Just insane.
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_02: Think about that.
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_02: If you're a guy who's on an app day in and day out, you're probably wondering, okay, what's wrong with me?
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_02: Am I just butt ugly?
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, do I have nothing to offer women?
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_02: I I work hard, I love God, uh, I have these values.
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I I think this person that I, you know, I was interested in.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_02: But it clearly shows something that's very uh truthful as well.
• 37:25
  SPEAKER_02: While women are facing the choice of too many choices because they get a lot of validation, they feel that they're more capable of being picky because of the high validation.
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sure if it dried up the next day where they only got two likes per day rather than 100 or 50, they probably wouldn't think so highly of themselves.
• 37:47
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but for a guy, you gotta imagine, like after 3,000 swipes and only getting one date, it's pretty daunting.
• 37:56
  SPEAKER_02: The success rate, too, is um what do you have here right here?
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_02: Uh as far as matches go, I have right here women receive 45% uh matches.
• 38:13
  SPEAKER_02: Out of out of all their like swipes, 45% of the time they uh receive a match.
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_02: Men, it's three percent.
• 38:21
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_02: Women receive more matches ten times higher than men do.
• 38:26
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 38:28
  SPEAKER_02: So um, if you have that, the as far as when it comes to uh uh getting messages, 57% of men do not receive any messages.
• 38:42
  SPEAKER_02: Like uh get they say they don't get enough messages as far as a complaint when it comes to dating apps.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_02: Men, uh men in their complaints of not getting enough messages, it's 57% for men and 24% for women.
• 38:56
  SPEAKER_02: So when you have too many options, that is I'm sorry, I I think options for women is is terrible because there's always this mentality, like, well, what about that guy?
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay, I'll message this guy, but I really wish that other guy would write me back because I I was more interested in him than the other guy.
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_02: And then the whole like ghosting happens, and then they just ignore or they just cut the person off completely or don't uh match with them anymore.
• 39:24
  SPEAKER_02: So looks matter at first glance when it comes to dating apps.
• 39:29
  SPEAKER_02: That's just a fact.
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_02: So I was kind of surprised about the swipes with men because you kind of think that would be the opposite, but it appears from the swipes that women are more picky when it comes to looks than uh men are.
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, men will tend to settle for someone that they find slightly attractive, whereas women they will not.
• 39:49
  SPEAKER_02: So I find that kind of telling.
• 39:51
  SPEAKER_02: There's a little bit of vanity in that.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_02: That's I think ladies take a note of that.
• 39:58
  SPEAKER_02: All right.
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I think that also plays back into the idea that we have basically time and time again told women not to settle.
• 40:06
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and I I think the question is to settle for what?
• 40:09
  SPEAKER_02: Settle for what?
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_02: Uh that's the question too.
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_02: Just as we would tell guys, don't settle for a woman that has a sexy body.
• 40:17
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 40:18
  SPEAKER_02: Well, the same has to apply for whatever shallow reasons a woman is not settling.
• 40:24
  SPEAKER_02: It's just the same as like the verse.
• 40:25
  SPEAKER_02: You know, you want a man that is a strong pillar of faith and can lead and be a husband and a father.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_02: And for white uh women, you want to have it where you are picked not just because of your beauty, but because you fear the Lord.
• 40:41
  SPEAKER_02: And men should choose women that obviously that is their value, that is where it comes from.
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_02: Um, it doesn't mean attraction uh is not important.
• 40:50
  SPEAKER_02: It doesn't mean that it shouldn't be even considered.
• 40:53
  SPEAKER_02: But I would encourage both sides to really think hard about their reasons of why they are interested in a person.
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_02: And if there's more uh biblical reasons that outweigh than the frivolous reasons, that's a good, that's a good sign.
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_02: Um, the other complaint is that women feel overwhelmed, overwhelmed with dating apps where men feel insecure.
• 41:19
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and men feel insecure because of a lack of response.
• 41:22
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, hence the 3,000 swipes for one date, it makes sense.
• 41:26
  SPEAKER_02: The other thing, too, that men will do with dating apps that a lot of women won't do is that they pay higher premiums.
• 41:33
  SPEAKER_02: So there's there's a lot of different apps out there, of course.
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_02: And you can basically have it where you pay extra for more matches, or it will have it where your profile will pop up more often.
• 41:46
  SPEAKER_02: So you pay extra on top of the normal cost per month to be on the dating site itself.
• 41:54
  SPEAKER_02: So sometimes that could be an extra$15,$25,$30.
• 41:57
  SPEAKER_02: I don't, I don't know.
• 41:58
  SPEAKER_02: It just depends on like what dating service you're using.
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_02: And um, that's another reason why men feel very defeated, um, discouraged, um, because they're not even getting the chance to even talk or go on dates with women.
• 42:13
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and that's it's it's really sad.
• 42:16
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, you know, I think a lot of times in the church, we just don't care about men's feelings.
• 42:20
  SPEAKER_02: We just don't.
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_02: We kind of toss it to the side, like, well, deal with it, man, suck it up.
• 42:26
  SPEAKER_02: But you know, a man's feelings are important too.
• 42:31
  SPEAKER_02: And I will speak up for the guys and say, like, look, you know, it doesn't mean that we have to be a bunch of rag muffins or a bunch of wusses about it.
• 42:39
  SPEAKER_02: But but, ladies, have some grace, have some courtesy to think a little bit deeper than just the first impression of a person.
• 42:49
  SPEAKER_02: Try to take the time to get to know someone, and you might find something underneath that, like, oh wow, he has these characteristics.
• 42:56
  SPEAKER_02: He does work really hard.
• 42:57
  SPEAKER_02: It's not it's not the ideal job, but he works really hard.
• 43:01
  SPEAKER_02: He works 45, 50 hours a week in a job that he hates, but he does so because why?
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_02: Because he wants to make a living, he wants to take care of a family.
• 43:08
  SPEAKER_02: That's what you look for.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_02: It's not the idea that he makes more than you or that he has a degree just like you do.
• 43:17
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think those matter at all.
• 43:19
  SPEAKER_02: They certainly don't matter to men.
• 43:21
  SPEAKER_02: As I said, men do not care about your degrees, ladies.
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_02: They do not care about how much money you make.
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_02: They will date a woman that worked at Burger King.
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_02: If she is a lady that is a biblical, gorgeous lady that loves God, they could care less what your job is.
• 43:42
  SPEAKER_02: Men just don't consider those things, they really do not care.
• 43:46
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, but I think a lot of ladies put emphasis on that, thinking, I don't know if they think that men do care about these things, because I'll tell you this right now, ladies, they don't.
• 43:55
  SPEAKER_02: So you can spend a lot of time and effort in those things if you want, but I don't think it's gonna help you.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_02: You get a better catch as far as when it comes to the dating field.
• 44:04
  SPEAKER_02: It's just not gonna help.
• 44:06
  SPEAKER_02: Now, as for guys, I would say it does make it difficult when you don't have a spouse at a young age for two reasons.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_02: One, it's harder to be pure.
• 44:18
  SPEAKER_02: It's also difficult to have motivation because uh I believe that a spouse really helps with your goals and motivation because that you have that support and you also have it where that physical person is in your presence and you know that you are providing for their well-being and then it that because you want kids and they're gonna come along and you got to prepare for that as well.
• 44:37
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that really will speed up your maturity.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_02: And so it's difficult when that is not offered to guys because a lot of women are not interested in getting married at younger ages anymore.
• 44:50
  SPEAKER_02: Whereas I would probably argue that men probably are more likely to get married younger and more be more open to getting married younger than probably women.
• 44:58
  SPEAKER_02: I could be wrong on that.
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_02: I haven't done any data research on that.
• 45:02
  SPEAKER_02: That's just a hunch.
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_02: So those are some of the things uh, you know, uh on dating apps.
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_02: But like if this is uh helpful, I met, you know, uh my sweetheart.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_02: Um, we met on Iris.
• 45:17
  SPEAKER_02: It's an app, okay?
• 45:18
  SPEAKER_02: So this might be encouraging.
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_02: I understand people hate apps and I hate them as well.
• 45:22
  SPEAKER_02: They suck.
• 45:24
  SPEAKER_02: I cannot tell you, uh, I was on Christian Mingle, Christian websites, and the amount of garbage that's out there, and I say garbage because I would get to know these ladies and like they had no values.
• 45:38
  SPEAKER_02: There was no difference between the ladies in the world and on these websites, most of them.
• 45:44
  SPEAKER_02: And I think because of how they're wired to, I think this is this is something that's kind of like um unfair, I think, to both sides.
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_02: You have it where these apps are just catered to keeping you on.
• 45:56
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think they give a crap if you actually match or not.
• 46:00
  SPEAKER_02: I think the whole idea is guys pay more probably than women do.
• 46:06
  SPEAKER_02: And so they'll uh pay a lot of the premiums, and yet still, because of the algorithm and also because of how women view uh a partner based on looks, which is a little which is more shallow than men, based on you know how many swipes a guy has to make just for one date.
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_02: The average guys are getting lost, and all the chads are getting all the attention, the hot Brad Pitts on all these websites.
• 46:28
  SPEAKER_02: And so men are spending a lot more money and they're just cashing out and just like, well, this is a waste of time.
• 46:34
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not even getting a date.
• 46:35
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, you got to think about that.
• 46:37
  SPEAKER_02: Like, if you if a man has a desire, he he, as the scripture says, you know, if you burn with passion, get married, right?
• 46:44
  SPEAKER_02: Well, it's kind of hard to if you can't even get on a date first, okay?
• 46:47
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I wouldn't even argue that, like, you know, is dating biblical in the first place?
• 46:51
  SPEAKER_02: That's a whole nother topic.
• 46:53
  SPEAKER_02: But you got to understand the we are throwing a grenade, all right, at young people, men and women, and we are honestly encouraging them both in the wrong direction.
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_02: I think we need to get back to the traditional way of men and women getting married young.
• 47:11
  SPEAKER_02: Ladies, your career, if if you're wanting to have kids, like I would say, like put it off and do something else.
• 47:19
  SPEAKER_02: Get uh get a skill set in a different manner or way that would help your family down the road.
• 47:25
  SPEAKER_02: So that if you could do something online that makes extra income to kind of offset that, so you don't have to have that debt going to school, that ability to put yourself in a vulnerable situation on a college campus where the likelihood of losing your purity and losing your innocence and also your faith is not wise.
• 47:46
  SPEAKER_02: I just don't think it's wise at all.
• 47:48
  SPEAKER_02: And even for like men in that regard, too, because they're they're putting themselves in that same environment as well, especially if it's a secular college.
• 47:55
  SPEAKER_02: And so I would say online courses, ladies, if you're if you're so desperate to get a degree, I would say do online, don't even go.
• 48:03
  SPEAKER_02: I would say uh still stay within your home of your family, especially if you have a godly father figure that is your your dad that has always been a great example.
• 48:16
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's wiser and it's it's a better form of protection from the outside world that of guys that honestly do not have the same values that your dad would have, your biblical um, your your father who has a a love for Christ.
• 48:35
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I know that's an unpopular thing to say, but I just think that's how the Bible has shown it.
• 48:41
  SPEAKER_02: And I think it's I think it's the best way, I think it's the safest way.
• 48:45
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's the way of realizing how the world is, and that we've tried this experiment of just going away from the traditional values that we once had, and it has been a complete disaster.
• 48:57
  SPEAKER_00: It has been a complete disaster.
• 48:59
  SPEAKER_00: Let me tell you why it has just been totally reckless to have it where you send your kids to these basically Marxist ideologies, crappy colleges that do not teach you anything to make you into a complete retard.
• 49:15
  SPEAKER_00: I tell you this right now, just don't do it.
• 49:18
  SPEAKER_00: Don't do it.
• 49:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm telling you right now, it's not gonna turn out very well for your kids.
• 49:23
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's what you got right now.
• 49:26
  SPEAKER_02: And so, um, I so I think that, you know, we we gotta think of all these elements of why this is the numbers that I I I said earlier, okay?
• 49:38
  SPEAKER_02: You know, um basically, like, you know, how 45% of women, 29 to 44 by 2030 will be unmarried and childless.
• 49:47
  SPEAKER_02: That's just heartbreaking.
• 49:48
  SPEAKER_02: That's just heartbreaking and sad.
• 49:50
  SPEAKER_02: And the fact that 63% of young men are not even interested or even looking into relationships, there's more to the story than the typical, like, well, men man up.
• 50:01
  SPEAKER_02: I really don't think that is fair, honestly.
• 50:04
  SPEAKER_02: I think men are evaluating the situation and I think they're avoid avoiding divorce.
• 50:09
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think they're avoiding marriage.
• 50:11
  SPEAKER_02: And the problem is, I think that ladies, because they have grifted more towards the world in terms of their values, their politics, and their uh future uh way of looking at a husband, it's not doing them any favors.
• 50:28
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's honestly making it worse for women in the long run.
• 50:32
  SPEAKER_02: Because you're putting yourself in a situation where now the likelihood of you finding a spouse is more dim as you get older because you focused on a career.
• 50:40
  SPEAKER_02: The likelihood of you becoming a mother is dim because now your fertility has gone down based on biology.
• 50:47
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 50:48
  SPEAKER_02: And I think it's not good for men because I think men need to have that challenge of marrying young, having that pressure, of having to provide for a spouse, kids.
• 51:00
  SPEAKER_02: And this is how it used to be back in the day.
• 51:04
  SPEAKER_02: It wasn't this idea of like, oh, Joe the milkman had it all together.
• 51:08
  SPEAKER_02: They would just find each other.
• 51:09
  SPEAKER_02: They went to a dance, they got, they danced a few times.
• 51:12
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, let's get married.
• 51:13
  SPEAKER_02: And why did they last forever?
• 51:15
  SPEAKER_02: Why?
• 51:15
  SPEAKER_02: Because the value systems and what held together couples back then has changed so drastically.
• 51:22
  SPEAKER_02: We have flipped everything where women have become men and men have become women, and it has just been a complete, total failure.
• 51:31
  SPEAKER_02: And I think sadly, the church has really promoted a lot of these secular ideologies that I don't think help young men or women at all.
• 51:39
  SPEAKER_02: And we need to get back to a basic reality of what works.
• 51:43
  SPEAKER_02: And I'll tell you this right now, it's not working.
• 51:46
  SPEAKER_02: The amount of divorce is so high, the amount of promiscuity is so high, the lack of fertility, the lack of happy marriages, I believe is all linked because we are putting off marriage, we're not giving the opportunity to grow and mature with each other.
• 52:02
  SPEAKER_02: Like, enjoy the wife of your youth, okay?
• 52:05
  SPEAKER_02: It doesn't say enjoy the wife of like, you know, 60, 50 year olds or uh and stuff, and like and people say, like, that's so shallow.
• 52:12
  SPEAKER_02: It's like, well, look, you know, the the reason why is because that's how it was.
• 52:16
  SPEAKER_02: There wasn't this idea of like, okay, you turn 13, now wait 22 years to get married.
• 52:21
  SPEAKER_02: And by the way, good luck.
• 52:22
  SPEAKER_02: And I hope you all stay pure and that you don't uh don't you look at any porn, Johnny.
• 52:27
  SPEAKER_02: Don't you do that.
• 52:28
  SPEAKER_02: Well, but I'm burning with passion.
• 52:29
  SPEAKER_02: Well, suck it up because these ladies aren't ready to marry right now.
• 52:33
  SPEAKER_02: They don't want to.
• 52:34
  SPEAKER_02: That's just stupid.
• 52:36
  SPEAKER_02: We are basically throwing a grenade into the fray of young men and women, and we're wondering why they're getting shreded by shratnel.
• 52:47
  SPEAKER_02: It's just, it's just absolutely stupid.
• 52:50
  SPEAKER_02: So I would say things, and wrapping this all up.
• 52:53
  SPEAKER_02: I think that from a church perspective, we need to be, I think those that are especially part of like, you know, young adults and you know, college groups, high school as well, even this is something you guys need to be on the radar, especially like for pastors.
• 53:09
  SPEAKER_02: Um, the differences of men and women, the gaps are growing because of ideology differences.
• 53:16
  SPEAKER_02: And I think there is a sad reality of one being more biblical than the other.
• 53:21
  SPEAKER_02: And I'd have to say, where women are gravitating right now is not a biblical view of relationships.
• 53:27
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's not healthy.
• 53:29
  SPEAKER_02: I've been very fair in this, so I don't care if someone's gonna get all upset about that, but that is the truth.
• 53:35
  SPEAKER_02: You cannot have it where the idea of every every month, okay, a woman is reminded that God has created her to be a mother every once a month.
• 53:47
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 53:49
  SPEAKER_02: And I know people are gonna say, like, it's like, well, not everyone's meant to be mothers, and like it's like, well, you know what?
• 53:54
  SPEAKER_02: There's a small percentage of that.
• 53:56
  SPEAKER_02: There's a small percentage of that.
• 53:58
  SPEAKER_02: If you have the gift of celibacy, that's not the same as a gift of singleness.
• 54:04
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sorry, there's a big difference.
• 54:05
  SPEAKER_02: There is no gift of singleness, there's only gift of celibacy.
• 54:10
  SPEAKER_02: And unless you really do have that, where you have a very serious, small, low sex drive, and you can focus your life on building up the kingdom as being married to God, basically, where you serve sacrificially for the kingdom, and that is where you want to focus your life.
• 54:29
  SPEAKER_02: Godspeed.
• 54:31
  SPEAKER_02: That's a blessing.
• 54:32
  SPEAKER_02: That is a blessing.
• 54:33
  SPEAKER_02: But I'm sorry, we tend to think that like anyone who is in their single years that they have the gift of celibacy, they're not.
• 54:38
  SPEAKER_02: We're fooling ourselves.
• 54:39
  SPEAKER_02: It says not to burn with passion.
• 54:42
  SPEAKER_02: So let's stop putting uh the brakes on with marriage because oh, they're young and they're immature.
• 54:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, of course they are.
• 54:52
  SPEAKER_02: But they're gonna be going the the weight of them being younger and figuring it out is much better than the idea of prolonging basically maturity, responsibility, the possibility of being, you know, destroyed through sexual possible sins.
• 55:08
  SPEAKER_02: You are just basically prolonging situations that are gonna cause huge grief and problems in the future for marriages.
• 55:16
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that's the reason why a lot of people are getting divorced, because you've become you have women that have become so independent, and men are frustrated because women don't want to be the traditional woman that they are looking for.
• 55:29
  SPEAKER_02: And that's has to do with like ideology, exposure, and the environments that both of them have grown up in.
• 55:34
  SPEAKER_02: So that by the time if the man has grown up in more conservative realm and women have grown up in a more liberal realm, there might be, yeah, a Jesus connection, but that doesn't mean they're equally yoked.
• 55:46
  SPEAKER_02: And this is my other issue that I have with the church because they tend to think that politics uh don't affect relationships, they don't affect our worldview, and they most certainly do.
• 55:56
  SPEAKER_02: So when we try to act like it's like, well, Jesus wasn't conservative and Jesus wasn't liberal, it's like, you're right, you know, they didn't have those political parties back then.
• 56:04
  SPEAKER_02: But I have a huge, strong list that conservatism is far closer to a biblical worldview than a left-leaning uh liberal worldview.
• 56:13
  SPEAKER_02: And I think we need to stop lying to ourselves that that is not having an effect not only on our young people, but how we perceive marriages and relationships.
• 56:22
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, trust me, whenever we look at a church that has gone belly up, it's usually because it's a liberal root that has destroyed it and caused the decay in the first place.
• 56:33
  SPEAKER_02: That has always happened.
• 56:35
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so a few things that I would say pastors need to do a better job of encouraging young women to marry young.
• 56:44
  SPEAKER_02: I think they also need to do a good job of educating their young women on basically what to look for in a husband, a biblical husband, and not frivolous reasons.
• 56:55
  SPEAKER_02: I think men need to be encouraged as well to stay the course, to become more active in developing themselves in terms of financially and also educating themselves to have better um jobs and to become you know independent so that they can be ready for the spouse when she is ready.
• 57:17
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 57:18
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but I think we need to just stop this feminism crap.
• 57:21
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think that we should encourage women to go to college.
• 57:24
  SPEAKER_02: I think it just opens the door for a lot of possibility of sin and scarring that's unnecessary, debt, everything else.
• 57:32
  SPEAKER_02: Um prolonging your your marriage years as well, you lose uh fertility as well, if you know, if you're wanting to have children.
• 57:41
  SPEAKER_02: And honestly, let's just say this as well.
• 57:43
  SPEAKER_02: I I'm gonna say this.
• 57:45
  SPEAKER_02: Um it is a biblical man command to have children.
• 57:50
  SPEAKER_02: And I will say this like guys and ladies, do not marry anyone that says they don't want children.
• 57:56
  SPEAKER_02: That is not biblical, that is not right, it's wrong, and I will say it's a sin.
• 58:00
  SPEAKER_02: And here's why the very first command that God gave Adam and Eve was be fruitful and multiply.
• 58:05
  SPEAKER_02: That was the first command that he gave to Adam and Eve.
• 58:10
  SPEAKER_02: And obviously, there's exceptions in the sense of like physically being able to have children because of whatever you know situation you might have because of health reasons.
• 58:20
  SPEAKER_02: But I honestly don't think that Christians need to gay get away from this idea of like not having kids.
• 58:26
  SPEAKER_02: I don't want to have children.
• 58:28
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sorry, like if you don't want to get married, uh like two things.
• 58:32
  SPEAKER_02: If if you want to be independent and not have kids, you should just not get married.
• 58:36
  SPEAKER_02: End of story.
• 58:37
  SPEAKER_02: You're just asking for a divorce and a terrible, terrible marriage.
• 58:41
  SPEAKER_02: And I don't care who you are.
• 58:43
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but uh we have to encourage, you know, uh as I said, we have to encourage marriage uh at younger years.
• 58:54
  SPEAKER_02: We have to stop this uh adolescence that just carries on to our 30s, it's just not helping anyone.
• 59:00
  SPEAKER_02: And uh as far as like for the dating apps, okay, like there's a dating app called Iris, and that's where I met my sweetheart.
• 59:09
  SPEAKER_02: And um, what's interesting about it, um, that I liked it compared to a lot of these other apps is it uses surprisingly AI, but I'll tell you how it works.
• 59:20
  SPEAKER_02: When you swipe, uh ladies or or or men, when you swipe on someone that you're interested in or that you're not interested in, you it basically gives you a prompt of you have to give a reason of why you're swiping left or right.
• 59:33
  SPEAKER_02: So let's say you're swiping left because you're interested.
• 59:35
  SPEAKER_02: It could be because of attraction, it could be because of their politics, their biblical worldview.
• 59:40
  SPEAKER_02: Um, it could be uh something uh of a hobby, I think, on there as well, because it is a secular website.
• 59:46
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but you also have to put a reason of why you swiped uh where you were not interested in that person, whether it be looks, uh their political worldview, something they wrote, interest or whatever.
• 59:58
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 59:59
  SPEAKER_02: So what this does is Iris basically uses AI to calculate the reasons why you what you're interested in and what you're not interested.
• 1:00:07
  SPEAKER_02: And what's cool about it, it gets rid of a lot of matches that normally would not fit the same interests that you have.
• 1:00:14
  SPEAKER_02: And then what it does is just as it does for the ladies, it narrows down what they are looking for.
• 1:00:20
  SPEAKER_02: So then what it happens is you get more matches based on people that is more compatible, based on what you're really looking for, rather than wasting your time of swiping 20,000 times for the guys and also for ladies being overwhelmed with a lot of guys that are like, oh, this guy's a bonehead, he doesn't love God like I do.
• 1:00:36
  SPEAKER_02: This is wasting my time.
• 1:00:38
  SPEAKER_02: So you also put in like your religious uh reasons in there of why you're swiping left or right.
• 1:00:44
  SPEAKER_02: And I got on the I had the most conversations on this dating app than any other dating apps.
• 1:00:49
  SPEAKER_02: All these other crappy ones, I I was on Hinge, I was on eHarmony, Christian Mingle, you name it.
• 1:00:54
  SPEAKER_02: I've been on all of them.
• 1:00:56
  SPEAKER_02: And I will say what I did like about Iris.
• 1:00:58
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know how good it is now.
• 1:01:00
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe it's gotten better since I was on it.
• 1:01:03
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but that's uh hopefully that might be uh something that would work for you, ladies and gentlemen.
• 1:01:10
  SPEAKER_01: Because, you know, I don't want to just leave you guys just like, well, guess everybody, it really sucks out there, and there's nothing you can do about it.
• 1:01:17
  SPEAKER_01: So good luck with you, and uh good luck with the apocalypse and hope you enjoy it.
• 1:01:23
  SPEAKER_02: I I don't want to do that, I really don't, and um so yeah, like like uh pastors, be aware um of the dating scene out there.
• 1:01:32
  SPEAKER_02: It is really, really brutal uh for uh men especially, and I will say that because you know, I think we tend to overlook what uh difficulties men have as they don't matter, but it is very difficult.
• 1:01:46
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and and that's goes without saying in terms of the church itself, you know, like a lot of guys they'll express interest, and you know, the ladies not interest, and and the and everyone knows this.
• 1:01:58
  SPEAKER_02: Like the guys always have to put themselves out there, and so you know, ladies, of course, have grace, you know, on how you respond and how you say, you know, I'm not saying you have to always walk on ink shells, sure.
• 1:02:08
  SPEAKER_02: Be be firm, be clear, and uh here's an air thing to squash.
• 1:02:14
  SPEAKER_02: The whole like uh um the idea of uh the friend zone is not the end zone.
• 1:02:20
  SPEAKER_02: Uh that I used to think that was a real thing.
• 1:02:23
  SPEAKER_02: I think that's the stupidest phrase ever.
• 1:02:24
  SPEAKER_02: And here's why I think it is all that that does is put the power completely in the woman's pocket.
• 1:02:31
  SPEAKER_02: And I think it just streams guys along with this helpless romance that somehow she might change your mind, and I'm gonna keep pining after her.
• 1:02:42
  SPEAKER_02: And I don't think it's healthy.
• 1:02:44
  SPEAKER_02: I really don't.
• 1:02:45
  SPEAKER_02: And so my advice, honestly, to the whole friend zone, and I'm gonna tell guys this, is like the next time you ask someone out, and let's say they said, like, no, I'm just not, I'm just not interested.
• 1:02:54
  SPEAKER_02: I appreciate you, you know, I know this wasn't easy for you to bring this up, but I'm just not, you know, I just don't see uh I don't see something happening here.
• 1:03:05
  SPEAKER_02: Um, what you do guys is say, like, if she says, like, hey, let's just be friends, say no.
• 1:03:10
  SPEAKER_02: Just say no.
• 1:03:12
  SPEAKER_02: I it's stupid.
• 1:03:13
  SPEAKER_02: What look, what ladies, guys, once you get married, you're not gonna keep your guy and girl friends.
• 1:03:20
  SPEAKER_02: You're just not going to.
• 1:03:21
  SPEAKER_02: So why would you do it like, you know, if like someone tells you, like, let's just be friends.
• 1:03:26
  SPEAKER_02: Guys, have a little respect for yourself.
• 1:03:28
  SPEAKER_02: Say no.
• 1:03:29
  SPEAKER_02: I remember the first time I actually said no, I said, I said no, I I appreciate that, but uh, I already have a lot of friends.
• 1:03:35
  SPEAKER_02: You're not looking for a friend, guys.
• 1:03:37
  SPEAKER_02: You're looking for a mate.
• 1:03:38
  SPEAKER_02: Ladies, you're not looking for a friend, you're looking for a mate.
• 1:03:42
  SPEAKER_02: So, ladies, stop offering that crap.
• 1:03:45
  SPEAKER_02: Don't say, you know, let's be friends.
• 1:03:47
  SPEAKER_02: Don't tell them, oh, I view you just like a brother or whatever.
• 1:03:50
  SPEAKER_02: Just be honest, okay?
• 1:03:52
  SPEAKER_02: Just say, like, no, I'm just not interested.
• 1:03:54
  SPEAKER_02: I appreciate you, but no, it's not gonna work out.
• 1:03:58
  SPEAKER_02: And guys, if she does offer the whole friends thing, say no.
• 1:04:02
  SPEAKER_02: You're basically just not respecting yourself as far as what you have as value.
• 1:04:08
  SPEAKER_02: Men have value too.
• 1:04:09
  SPEAKER_02: I know we like to always think that women are the only prize, but that's not truth.
• 1:04:14
  SPEAKER_02: Two men and women that are the prize are ones that are gonna be compatible biblically, and then they both are a prize to each other.
• 1:04:23
  SPEAKER_02: It's not one or the other.
• 1:04:24
  SPEAKER_02: I know we always want to talk about like, oh, my better half and all this other baloney.
• 1:04:27
  SPEAKER_02: No, because if you work well together, it's because God has designed you for each other and you met for a reason, and it's gonna be something that's gonna be good and blossom into something that's gonna be very fruitful.
• 1:04:41
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so like this is a lot, you know, to unpack, but I think it's something that's super, super important because with the numbers, the church has to acknowledge this.
• 1:04:53
  SPEAKER_02: You cannot have it where these numbers are that high for women not wanting to let women that are unmarried without kids, and this many men not interested in uh dating or relationships.
• 1:05:04
  SPEAKER_02: And if the church does not ask themselves why, honestly, honestly, equally on both sides of valuing both sides of the reason why, you are gonna be basically caught with your pants down and be really not like you're gonna be all shocked, and you shouldn't have been because you ignored what I've just basically said this entire time.
• 1:05:25
  SPEAKER_02: We cannot keep approaching relationships and dating the same way as we used to.
• 1:05:30
  SPEAKER_02: It's just not the same anymore.
• 1:05:31
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sorry, pastors.
• 1:05:33
  SPEAKER_02: So educate yourselves, talk to a lot of people in your congregation, talk to a lot of single women, talk to a lot of single guys, and they'll tell you honestly, ask them about the dating field, ask them what it's like.
• 1:05:45
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that I would be, I would bet my money that a lot of things that I talked about in these last two episodes, they are to a T of what is happening out there.
• 1:05:54
  SPEAKER_02: And if we don't acknowledge it and we don't approach it through a biblical worldview, we are gonna head for disaster and you're gonna have less families, you're gonna have less growth than the church.
• 1:06:06
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm sorry, we need to outbreed the Muslims.
• 1:06:09
  SPEAKER_02: Get married young, have kids, be mindful of the situation out there when it comes to marriage and you know the risks that are involved as well, and just be honest with that as well.
• 1:06:21
  SPEAKER_02: We cannot keep on thinking that, oh, if you both have Jesus, everything's gonna work out.
• 1:06:25
  SPEAKER_02: You have to have more than that.
• 1:06:27
  SPEAKER_02: There has to be a clear, solid foundation of biblical roles of men and women when it comes to being a husband and a wife and a father and a mother.
• 1:06:36
  SPEAKER_02: And if that is not there and that's not clearly taught, you're not gonna have it where women understand their role and you're not gonna have men understand their role.
• 1:06:44
  SPEAKER_02: So we have to stop this idea of this delusion that everything's fine and that the the secular world is not penetrating the church because it really, really has.
• 1:06:54
  SPEAKER_02: So, overall, once again, I'm Gene McKeever.
• 1:06:59
  SPEAKER_02: I thank you so much for your time and your ability to chime in and give me your time.
• 1:07:06
  SPEAKER_02: And I appreciate every each and every one of you.
• 1:07:09
  SPEAKER_02: I know this is a very difficult topic, but I want you guys to have hope.
• 1:07:13
  SPEAKER_02: Continue, ladies, continue to strive and educate yourselves on how to be a godly spouse and then do as well.
• 1:07:20
  SPEAKER_02: Find older couples that have stood the test of time.
• 1:07:24
  SPEAKER_02: And until next time, be sure to honor the king and fight the enemy.
• 1:07:31
  SPEAKER_02: Take care, you guys.
• 1:07:32
  SPEAKER_02: God bless.