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I Was Attacked On A Hater Website For 10 Years, Then My Kids Found It | Ali Katz · The Great Wealth Transfer

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  I was featured on a hater website for nearly ten years. Not just a single post, not just a
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  single article, not just a single comment. A full website for ten years. My deepest insecurities
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  surfaced for everyone to see that I was a scammer. That I was a bad mom. That I was a
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  slut. It got even worse because my kids found it. My daughter, she was a teenager and it really
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  impacted her. The worst because it was her friend's parents that were seeing it. I can feel
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  the parts of me that feel the terror. Oh, God, what if it happens again? I feel afraid of being
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  attacked. The scariest part is that if I show you my vulnerability somehow, you're not going to take
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  the work seriously. The work of you stepping into your role as a steward of your family wealth.
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  There's a war inside of me. Keep my heart in the technology, but off the screen.
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  Or should I bring all of myself forward? What I want to talk with you about today is how we made
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  it through that and what we're doing now. So I first found out about this hater website back in
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  2011. I'd gone to Burning Man with the gal that the hater website was actually about, and when I
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  got back from Burning Man, all of a sudden I had a semi popular blog back then and I looked
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  at my blog stats and there was all these views, thousands of views. Where did these views come
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  from? I traced them back and they came from a Verified Hater website, a full
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  website about this woman that had come with me to Burning Man. Now all of a sudden I was a character
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  featured on the website. The website would pick up every post that I would make on my blog in my
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  social media. This back in the day when social media was kind of new, they would take those posts,
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  they would take that content, and they would repost it on their website with all sorts of
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  commentary about it. Here was the thing about the commentary. They were very smart. Very, very
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  smart. They were able to identify my deepest insecurities and then feature them. On his
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  website, it was the craziest thing because as it happened over the years, what I began
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  to be able to see is that, first of all, they really got me. They really
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  understood my deepest insecurities and fears, and they were taking them and displaying them for
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  everyone to see. What I really needed to see through that was that I needed to be able to see
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  that those were my insecurities and fears, and that in fact, this was a spiritual journey. This
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  was an opportunity for me to surface the things that I was most afraid of, have them put out for
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  everyone to see, and then be able to look at them honestly and eventually
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  objectively and see that these were things that life wanted me to see.
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  But if a friend of mine or a close partner or intimate partner would have brought any of these
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  things to me, I would have defended against it to my death, maybe even made them wrong for it, but
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  instead, because people who didn't even know me were surfacing these things and sharing them with
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  the entire internet, well, I couldn't ignore it. I had to look right at it. And what I noticed
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  is that if it pinged me, if it caused me to feel a charge of emotion, of
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  defense, no, that's not true. That usually it meant that there was there was something true. There
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  was something there for me to look at. But if I could look at it and laugh because it was just
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  ridiculous and funny, well, there was nothing true. Fortunately, around this time I had a teacher who
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  taught me, just take everything in, take it all in, see what's true, and poop out the rest. So I was
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  able to do that. And at the same time, this hater blog, this hater website really
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  impacted my children and mostly my daughter because this was happening during her teenage
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  years. And, you know, teenagers are not able to be on the same kind of spiritual journey of
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  looking at something objectively and seeing if it's bringing them something they need to look at
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  or something that they need to poop out because it's not true. Instead, every one of her friends,
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  their parents, they already knew who I was before they even met me. Both the shadow and the light.
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  They saw what I was putting out in my social media and out on my own blog, and then sometimes
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  they saw what the haters were saying as well, and it was difficult. It was difficult for my daughter.
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  And yet, at the end of the day, it turned into a real blessing because I was able to see the
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  places that I needed to show up better in the world. It needed to show up better for my kids. I
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  was able to see the places where what I was putting out into the world was actually not who
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  or what I wanted to be, and I was able to make a change. As a result, I was able
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  to. Pause. Come inside. Really look
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  at who I am, why I'm hearing what's mine to do. What were the changes that I needed to make in
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  myself so that if somebody called me a scammer, I knew that that was about them and not about
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  me. If somebody called me a bad parent, I knew that was about them, not about me. If somebody called me
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  a slut, I knew that was about them and not about me. And at the end of the day, I became a better
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  woman for it because I was able to look at it with honest assessment of who I am, why I'm here
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  and what's mine to do and become a better partner, a better parent, and a better business
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  owner as a result. So I've been putting myself out on the internet for a long time, and you may or
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  may not know it, depending on how long you've been following me. And there's a way that I've been
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  hiding. I haven't been sharing the vulnerable parts for a really long time because of what
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  happened back then. I can feel the parts of me that feel the terror. Oh God, what if it happens
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  again? I can feel the parts of me that feel afraid of being attacked. I can feel the parts of me
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  that are afraid of being vulnerable because I was very vulnerable back then. I shared everything
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  completely. Everything. I was extremely transparent with my entire life, the way I did my business, the
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  way I parented my children. The way I was in relationship. I had a show back then
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  called relationship TMI. My partner at the time in Iowa, broadcast our entire relationship, including
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  our fights, including our breakup and. And I loved it. People loved
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  it. But it made me very vulnerable. And yet I know that that is part of who I am, why I'm here
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  and what's mine to do. Because we need to share the vulnerable parts in order to.
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  Why? Why do we need to do it? Because I really don't want to. There's a part of me that does not
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  want to share the vulnerable parts. And yet, what I know is that even though part of me
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  would love to just stay behind the scenes and build the technology and serve my lawyer
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  community and teach them to bring their vulnerable parts forward and show up with their
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  most authentic selves and just do it from behind the scenes. There's another part of me that, when
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  I'm not doing it myself, just feels like I'm not doing what I'm here to do. That is
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  part of my role to bring forward the vulnerable, the authentic, the stories, the real.
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  Because we're living in a time right now When we don't know what's real, we don't know
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  what's true. And I have spent so many years asking that question so that today I could finally be in
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  a place where I have the support that I need to come back
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  authentic, vulnerable, real, and not just hide behind the world. So as I am looking
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  at taking this next step into bringing more of myself, not just my work in the world, but actually
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  more of who I am, more of my family, more of my relationships back out. That's what I'm going to
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  do. That's what I'm doing. It's really scary, to be honest with you. It's really scary. And I think
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  here's what's the scariest part. Here's ultimately what's the scariest part is that there's still a
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  part of me that thinks that if I show you my vulnerability, that somehow you're not going to
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  take the work seriously, and the work is what matters the most to me. And when I say the work,
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  the work that I mean is the work of healing between the generations. It is the
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  work of you stepping into your role as a steward of your family wealth. It is us
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  collectively being able to see what's really going on so that we can come together and create
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  the future reality that we want to live in. Heal the past. Create a new future reality. That's the
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  work that I care about the most. And so there's a little bit of a war inside
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  of me. Should I just build the technology, keep my personality out of it, keep my human
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  out of it, keep my heart in the technology but off the screen?
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  Or should I bring all of myself forward? Let you see who I am. Imperfect. Vulnerable.
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  Real. And I think this is what I'm supposed to be doing. Even though it's scary. And your
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  encouragement really helps. So that if I am ever featured on a hater blog or a hater website again,
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  it's okay because I'll know that we're in this together, we're doing it together, and
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  that I've got enough people in my life today that I am building with
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  that have my back and I know who I am, why I'm here, and what's mine to do, and we're gonna make
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  it through. So that's what I'm gonna keep doing. I'm gonna keep showing up. I'm gonna keep doing it.
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  I'm gonna keep letting you see me in the process. Because I think that when I do, it will
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  support you to do the same. And when we do it together, we create the future. It's the only way
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  that we can make change in the world together. So let's go. Let's make some change together in the
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  world. Please subscribe, share or follow post in the comments. Give me some encouragement. It really
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  makes a big difference and I'll see you in my next episode.