Latest / Play Therapy Parenting: Real Parenting Questions Answered by a Child Therapist / S3E5 - Parent Companion for Play Therapy: What the Therapist Does in Session

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S3E5 - Parent Companion for Play Therapy: What the Therapist Does in Session · Play Therapy Parenting: Real Parenting Questions Answered by a Child Therapist

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You're listening to the
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Play Therapy Parenting Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.
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Hi,
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I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks,
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The Kid Counselor.
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This is the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast where I give you insight,
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awareness,
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and enlightenment about your parenting
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and your relationship with your kids.
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In today's episode,
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we are continuing with the Parent Companion series.
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And today we are talking about what does a child-centered play therapist do.
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One of the most common questions,
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potentially also a concern,
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what in the world is going to happen
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when my child goes back and spends an hour in a playroom
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with a play therapist?
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What does that look like?
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How does it work?
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Why do
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the CCPTs respond the way they do?
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What engagement is there going to be?
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When you're back in that playroom,
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it's kind of a mystery for parents and so I
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want to spend a little bit of time talking through
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what a child-centered play therapist does
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as part of this Parent Companion series and as a reminder,
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the reason why that we've started this season 3
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is to help you if you are engaging in the child-centered play therapy journey.
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With a play therapist,
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this will help you understand the entire process
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more effectively.
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If you are not engaging in play therapy,
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this will help you understand your child,
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your child's behavior,
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and ways that you can better connect and better parent.
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As a result,
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so I promise that this is a universal season.
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It will be applicable to everyone,
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but it is in fact designed to help
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all of us understand more
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what the child-centered play therapy process is like
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and obviously the principles on which it's based,
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which is relationship.
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First,
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we'll look at the
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theory of the approach.
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And then we'll dive into the observable application
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of the model.
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First and foremost,
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there are skills used
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in play sessions.
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I want to make that really clear.
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There is a huge myth,
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huge misnomer
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that a child-centered play therapist quote does nothing,
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they just let the kid play.
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And that could not be further from the truth.
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This is me debunking that myth.
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You know,
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the show MythBusters,
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I feel like I,
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I'm doing that right now.
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The child-centered play therapist
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engages in the most consistent,
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clinical and skillful ways
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in a playroom.
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There are only a handful of responses that we're going to.
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Use in a session.
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And they are all skill driven,
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they are all therapeutic in nature,
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and they all have value
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for helping the child to become a better version of themselves.
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A child-centered play therapist does not say anything randomly
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in a play session.
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Never.
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Nothing comes out of a child-centered
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play therapist's mouth that is not purposeful
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and driven by the theory.
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In other words,
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if the child does or says something or expresses something in the playroom,
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we only have a handful of responses.
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They're going to sound different.
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They're going to look different.
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They're going to feel different depending on the circumstances.
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But we have a select
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number
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of responses that we provide
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as a result,
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and they are considered our skills.
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So I want to make it real clear that every verbal
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interaction that we have with a child in a playroom.
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There's skill associated with it,
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and we are communicating very intentionally.
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Beyond that,
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however,
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The rest of it is experienced.
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The child experiences our presence in a whole bunch of different ways,
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and I'd like to kind of tease a few of those apart.
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Obviously I can't talk about all of them or this would be an eternal episode,
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but I want to hit some highlights.
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First and foremost,
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a child-centered play therapist
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communicates the be with attitudes.
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To the child in the playroom.
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We don't say them out loud,
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but the child experiences
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the be with attitudes which are,
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I'm here,
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I hear you,
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I understand,
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I care,
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and I delight in you.
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We never say those out loud,
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but the child very clearly
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experiences and feels.
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Those sentiments from us.
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I'm here,
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I hear you,
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I understand,
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I care,
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and I delight in you.
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Everything that takes place in this playroom.
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I'm here.
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I hear you,
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I understand,
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I care and I delight in you.
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We are very intentional about making sure that is an experienced moment
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for kids in session.
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We provide our presence.
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We are able to give undivided attention.
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For 50 minutes
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with your child.
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Why?
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Because they don't get that anywhere from anyone.
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And it is so important
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for a child to feel our presence.
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We also are fully engaged.
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And here's an interesting thing.
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Often we can be in the same room with someone.
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And we feel like we're together,
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but we're miles apart
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because there's no engagement.
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So we are present,
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but we are engaged,
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meaning
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I'm emotionally engaged,
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I'm mentally engaged,
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I'm psychologically engaged,
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I'm physically engaged.
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Every part of me
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is fully
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Involved in what's happening with you right now.
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There's attunement.
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I am wholly attuned
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to you and only you for this 50 minutes.
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So we have the be with attitudes that are experienced.
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We have our presence,
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we have our engagement,
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we have our attunement.
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That in and of itself creates a really special dynamic
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in a session.
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But then we also communicate unconditional acceptance
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of your child.
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We unconditionally accept them.
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We unconditionally love them.
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At their best,
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at their worst,
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at their messiest,
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at,
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at their most organized,
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at their most disregulated,
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at their most calm,
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at their most tired,
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at their most hungry,
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as at no matter what is going on.
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We unconditionally accept them and we unconditionally love them.
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That's the value of having a child-centered play therapist on your team.
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Because we are objective,
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we,
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we are a third party
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participant
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in your family.
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And the emotions are not as intense for us.
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It's really hard for parents to provide
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unconditional love and acceptance to their children.
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Even if you gave it your all,
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which I know many of you do.
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There are going to be moments where that is a struggle.
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It's easier for a neutral third party
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to provide unconditional love and acceptance for an hour each week.
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We're not drained,
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we're not exhausted,
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we're not tired,
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we're not
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dealing with the same thing every hour of every
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single day over and over and over again.
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And parents are.
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So we are able to provide something that children don't get elsewhere.
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That unconditional acceptance and unconditional love.
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The official term is unconditional positive regard,
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but really all that means is no matter what.
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I see you for who you are,
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and I'm wholly OK with it.
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So
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those are kind of the elements
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that are woven into
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a child-centered play session.
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And those are the things that a child-centered
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play therapist is providing to your child,
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as that session continues.
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But we also deeply trust
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children.
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We trust in their ability to become a better version of themselves.
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We trust in their ability to know what they need to work on.
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We trust that they are capable of doing hard things.
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We trust that they are capable of self-regulation.
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We trust that they will conquer their fears.
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We trust that they will learn to build an emotional vocabulary.
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We
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instinctively and innately trust them.
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Another component,
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we respect children.
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CCPT
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fully respects
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the child
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where they are.
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What they need to do,
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where they need to go,
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and the pace in which they need to do it.
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We respect them.
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Kids aren't given much respect in general.
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child-centered play therapists completely respect children.
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We honor children.
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We honor them for who they are right now.
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We honor them for who they're capable of becoming.
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We honor their therapeutic journey.
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We honor the time it takes to get there.
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We honor their way.
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We honor their needs,
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desires,
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intentions,
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feelings,
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wishes,
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behaviors.
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We give them honor because they deserve it.
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All right,
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so I know that was a lot of the
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high level philosophical
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ways of being
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that a CCPT exhibits in the playroom.
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Now let's look at
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the practical and observable things
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that we do in the playroom.
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The child
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plays,
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and that
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seems relatively obvious,
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but
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we give them the freedom to play with all the toys in most of the ways that they want.
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They come in
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to the playroom.
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And they are given the freedom to play.
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And then we spend the bulk of our time in session
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using 3 reflective responses.
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And those three are
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reflecting content,
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reflecting feeling,
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and tracking behavior,
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and I'll really quickly do a a high level overview of those.
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When we reflect content,
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we say
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back to the child a summary of what they've told us.
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When we reflect feelings,
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we say what emotion the child is expressing.
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And when we track behavior,
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we say what we see the child doing.
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And what these reflective responses do.
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It helps the child feel fully seen.
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Fully heard
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and fully understood.
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And that is connection,
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it's relationship,
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and it's the environment that allows for the child to grow.
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We also offer choices
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when
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Possible,
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sometimes it's a little tricky to do that,
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but
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we offer choices and this builds self-esteem.
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And it helps the child practice decision making.
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A child gets very few choices
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in life.
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Most of the time choices are made for them on their behalf.
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So by giving children choices,
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not only do they have a measure of control where they don't typically,
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which means they're less less likely to fight for control,
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but they also get to practice
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what it means to make a choice,
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to have a decision,
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and then accept
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the
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consequences of that.
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There's ownership in the outcome
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when a child has made a choice.
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We use encouragement
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to build the child's sense of their capacity,
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their ability.
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Their confidence
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In the simplest terms,
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just noticing a child is a powerful builder of self-esteem,
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but
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encouragement where we focus on the effort
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and the contribution that the child is making,
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not the outcome.
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That is a powerful builder of identity
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and worth and self-esteem,
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self-confidence,
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all of those things.
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And then,
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because children are allowed to decide what happens in a playroom,
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sometimes they will use toys or they will behave in a way that requires a limit.
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And so if a limit is required,
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there are only 3 reasons why we ever set one.
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And those limits always come back to,
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I have to be safe,
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or the therapist has to be safe,
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the child has to be safe,
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and toys and property can't be damaged or broken on purpose.
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So safety concerns
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and making sure that things don't get damaged or broken,
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those are the only three reasons that a limit would ever be set
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in a child-centered playroom,
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but when those are necessary,
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it allows the child to learn to comply.
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It allows the child to wrestle with
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being able to redirect behavior.
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It helps them develop self-control,
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helps them develop self-regulation,
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and they wrestle with
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whether or not it's more important
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to
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comply with the limit
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or accept a consequence.
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Most often in a child-centered playroom,
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it never even makes it to the point where there are consequences that are
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presented.
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That's called an ultimate limit,
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and that's only if the child is unwilling or unable to comply with the limit 3 times.
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So,
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most of the time a child is willing and able to comply with the limit by the 3rd
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setting of it.
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And what this does is it helps the child practice.
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To make appropriate decisions and behave in appropriate ways.
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And if they choose
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that they
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can't
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or they won't.
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Then they accept the consequence that goes with that.
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And often what that means is whatever the
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toy is,
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that is creating the
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lack of safety or
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risk of things getting broken or damaged,
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they choose not to play with that toy for the rest of the session.
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And what we're instilling in a child is,
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you actually do have control over your behavior,
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and therefore,
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because of your behavior,
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you have control over the outcome.
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And that takes practice
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and that's what that affords children in a CCPT playroom.
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The overarching goal.
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Of
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The interaction
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of a child-centered play therapist with the child
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is that this therapist serves as a guide rail.
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And there is a system
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and a set of skills.
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That have been researched for over 100 years,
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proven effective at helping children to self-regulate.
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To overcome maladaptive symptoms and behaviors.
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To increase their
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awareness of themselves.
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And all of the reasons that parents bring kids.
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To a therapist in the first place,
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these issues are addressed
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because of the way that the therapist interacts
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and because of the nature of the playroom.
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Our goal as a child-centered play therapist
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is to embody.
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This system
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of child centeredness
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which incorporates all the things that I just talked about
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unconditional acceptance,
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unconditional love.
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I'm here,
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I hear you,
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I understand,
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I care and I delight in you
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attunement,
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engagement,
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presence,
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trust,
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respect,
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honor.
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So what does a child-centered play therapist do?
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We provide a unique relationship
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and a unique environment
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in which your child.
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Can become a better version of themselves that fancy word self-actualization.
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They will become a better version.
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Kids behave in self-enhancing ways.
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When they have the conditions met,
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which is relationship and environment.
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Kids don't want to stay stay stuck.
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Kids don't want to stay in dysfunction,
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kids don't want to stay disregulated.
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And they don't and they won't.
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But the conditions that are required
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are a special environment and a special relationship.
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That's what a CCPT does.
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We are with your child.
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And we allow them to become a better
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version of themselves because we are child-centered.
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So I hope that that gives you an
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understanding of what a child-centered play therapist does.
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And if you are working with one,
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I suspect that you will see those traits.
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You will see it lived out,
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you will understand what that looks like practically speaking.
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And what a special thing for your child
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to go and spend an hour in that kind
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of relationship in that kind of environment every week.
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So hopefully that answers some questions for you.
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And we're going to continue in
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this series.
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Obviously,
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this is going to be a very long season with a lot of content.
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So I'm really looking forward to continuing to dive in with this.
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If you have questions or thoughts for me,
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I'd love to hear from you.
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brenna@thekidcounselor.com.
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I love y'all.
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We'll talk again soon.
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Bye.
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Thank you for listening to
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the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.
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For more episodes and just subscribe to our newsletter,
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please go to www.playtherapyparenting.com.