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Transcript

S2 E43 - Space Sex · The Steve & Jeff Show

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Steve and Jeff Show, the number one comedy podcast at Steve's mom's house, that is.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Be sure and follow or subscribe to the Steve and Jeff Show wherever you listen to podcasts.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_01: Write us a review while you're there too.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_02: And now, here's Steve and Jeff.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_02: Well, thanks, Johnny and Jeff.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_02: What a great time to be back in the studio.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_02: How you doing?
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_02: I'm doing great.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_02: How's it going, Steve?
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_02: I've been really watching some of the changes that are going on just around me and you know, some of the people and the places and the scenes and the environment and the houses and the trees.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_02: Things are changing, and I think it's changing up in the skies too.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_02: I I seem I seem to see changes in the skies.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_02: I I can't explain.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know what I don't know what it is.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_03: I agree with you completely.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_03: It's sort of like Star Trek has been mainstreamed.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe it was always mainstream, maybe not for me, but I do.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_02: I think I think Star Trek got mainlined.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, mainline during the show.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_02: That's why they had to cancel the third season, you know, but but I digress.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_03: I do get the feeling that there's a convergence between fantasy about outer space and maybe with rich people, because now we're sort of privatizing, going to you know, going to other land, other worlds.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_03: It's just become very popular.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_03: It's been kind of the the end thing now, don't you think?
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_02: Like space is going to become a leisure service of appropriation station here.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's just it's it's unbelievable.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, you know, that kind of begs the question.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_02: As we explore and as companies like Appropriation Station and people like them want to take over, what if there's somebody already out there?
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_02: Do how do we know there aren't civilizations somewhere out there that are already there?
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_03: I feel bad in a sense because we have villainized the term aliens, right?
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_03: Illegal aliens in every sense of the word.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_03: In every sense of the word.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, but I think we're coming closer to legitimizing some of those stories about aliens coming here.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_03: I think it's logical that they're here.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_03: I think it's yeah, uh it makes total sense to me.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm not surprised at all that if we ever find out that there are people out there or there are beings out there, and I'm also wouldn't be surprised that they're here.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, absolutely, Jeff.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_02: I I was just gonna say, I think they're already among us.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_02: I think they're visiting here, I think they're living here, some of them.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_02: I think some of them are living here, some of them have been here, have been sent here on purpose, if you know what I mean.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_03: I think I do.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_03: And some of some of the people I know look like they could be aliens.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_03: Have you ever seen the uh commissioner for the MBA?
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_03: That guy really looks like an alien.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_02: But anyways, wow, I digress.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_02: Funny story about a couple right here in Omaha that had an alien encounter.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_02: I did you really read about it?
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_02: It was in it was in the news.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_02: No, tell me about it.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_02: Well, they're an older couple, they had lived on a farm most of their life, but then they sold the farm and you know made made a bunch of money selling it to uh subdivision developer, you know.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_02: And so they took some of that money, they bought this big house in Omaha, so they're sitting in their house one day, and something lands on the yard.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_02: And according to them, what they said they were visited by aliens.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_02: This is what they said, okay.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_03: Now I wasn't people in Nebraska don't lie.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_03: No, so yeah, they're but pretty honest people.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_02: But as you pointed out earlier, when they say they were visited by aliens, that could be like the taco truck going by.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, they they could mean a lot of different things, but that's true, you know.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I you know, they may not mean aliens, you know, but I think they did in this case, according to them.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_02: This is what they said they took them onto the ship, and one of the aliens said, kind of the leader, you know, they always say, Take me to your leader.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_02: You know what the heck, you know.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_02: I think if the leader, if the leader doesn't have the sense to come out and greet new people, I don't want to meet him.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_02: That's right, that's right.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_02: But but that's just me.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_02: Well, this guy says this alien guy, he says, and speaks perfect English, speaks with a Midwestern accent.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, what do you go, you know, go figure?
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_02: For many years, we have studied and learned all there is to know about humans.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_02: Everything except what you do in the bedroom.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_02: And I don't mean use the CPAP machine, you know what I'm talking about.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_02: I'm talking about, you know, I remember I think we're talking about let's just be honest.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_02: We're talking sex, okay?
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_02: We are talking sex, okay.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_02: They haven't studied that apparently.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_02: So this guy says, Would you be willing to sleep with us for science?
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_02: I mean it's for science.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_03: So for a lot less.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_02: Well, yeah.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I Jeff, I think I think you used to use that line in bar sometimes or sleep with me for science.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_03: Um it did not work, Steve.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it didn't work.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_03: But it sounds like it may be working for these guys.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_02: I well, apparently so.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, for science.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, who wouldn't do that for science?
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_02: So of course they they agree, they say, yeah, oh, for science, yeah, of course.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_02: So they talk it over, they agree, you know, really, sex life's been kind of boring lately.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_02: Who knows?
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_02: This might really spice things up.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_02: So they go off and they they have sex with these aliens, right?
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_02: Then the guy alien, the guy who made the announcement, is having sex with the the old lady wife, you know, the earthling wife.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, they're going for a few minutes, and then he asks her question.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_02: He says, You know, what do you think?
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_02: How is it?
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_02: He said, Well, tell you the truth, could be a little longer.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_02: Now, she might have been talking about duration.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_03: I don't think so.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_02: He took that as a physical, right?
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_02: And so he says, No problem.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_02: So he grabs his left ear, twists his left ear, and he gets bigger.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_02: So they go at it for a few more minutes.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_02: He says, All right, is that better?
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_02: How's that now?
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_02: So then she says, Well, you know, and this is how I knew it wasn't a duration thing, because here she says, Well, it could be a little wider.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_02: And people don't talk about time as wide, you know, time is not wide, it's linear, but but that's a that's a whole that's a different show, Jeff.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_02: We'll do that another show.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so so it could be a little wider.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_02: So this alien, no problem, no problem.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_02: Grabs his right ear, twists his right ear, and he becomes wider.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_02: I was reading this story and it got me thinking, like, I went in front of the mirror and grab grabbed my ears a few times.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_02: I said nothing, nothing really much happened other than I I think I cut one of them, yeah, you know, nails and all, but uh but you know, other than that, nothing really happened.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_02: So next morning, the aliens have left and couple is they're on their porch.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_02: You know, they're just drinking coffee and thinking about all the money they made now that their farm's a subdivision, and so it says, you know, what'd you think?
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_02: So the wife says, That's the most amazing experience I ever had.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_02: What about you?
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_02: Well, the husband says, you know, you know, it kind of sucked.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, that crazy alien lady kept yanking on my ears all night.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, I think what that really teaches us, that's a teaching moment, Jeff.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_02: And what I think that really teaches us that different cultures may have different ways of approaching things, like twisting the ear.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_02: Who knows who would have thought of that, right?
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_03: You are right, and it just again emphasizes how popular aliens are.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm not talking about aliens in Texas, right?
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_03: I'm talking about aliens like in space, and yeah, um, yeah, that totally makes sense to me.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_02: I think it'd be great if we could get an alien on the show one of these days, you know.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not sure.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I'm from the future, but I still don't know how to contact an alien, you know.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I don't know.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_02: Years ago, I dated a girl who was a little out there, and she said, you know how sometimes you look at your palm of your hand and you might see like a little shiny thing.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_02: You know how you see that?
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_02: Particularly if you've been handling like aluminum foil and stuff, you'll see like little shiny stuff in the handling you know, metal filings you'd see.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_02: She said that what that meant was that you could be in touch with aliens.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_02: You had the that that was your ability to contact aliens was this little shiny stuff in the palm of your hand.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_03: And and is the end of the story that you married her.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, I think she later went on and and I think she works for Marianne Williamson now, but she's she's uh you know, she's still a little out there.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_02: Jeff, you you know, you're talking earlier about people wanting to buy space, if you will, and you look at some of them out there, and some of them might be aliens on earth trying to get us to help them do something up in space, you know.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_03: That's very possible.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like we've kind of gone down the rabbit hole here a little bit, but yeah, I think you're right.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I think if that's true, yeah, I guess what I would say to space cultures is when they send people here, they're not sending their best.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_02: They're sending you know murderers, rapists, and the insane.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_02: And I read that.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sure some of them are fine people, but you know, when they're sending those those space aliens, uh it's just you know, they're not sending their best.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_02: Look at some of these people that are out there talking about this now.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_03: You brought up a good point.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_03: I think it's a point that's been brought up numerous times.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_03: It sounds familiar, I'm not exactly sure.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, yeah, we should probably dedicate a show just to aliens.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, we shouldn't we get an alien on the show?
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_02: If our theory is right and some of these people are really space aliens, then you know, maybe we can get one of them.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_02: Now, I'm not gonna name any names, but there's one in particular that is really interested in space travel, and he looks a little alien to me, if you know what I mean.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I'll put that on the list.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_03: If not, even if we couldn't get somebody as a guest, maybe we could communicate with them through email.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe, you know, because we we should be doing another emails to the to us.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_03: I used to say letters to the to us, but my wife corrects me and says, You're so old that you still call them letters.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_03: But email, so maybe that is something that we could do maybe even for next week.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_03: If there's a million out there, contact us because we're gonna throw you on the list.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_03: I know we've got a whole list of oh yeah, emails from people that we haven't gone through.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_03: It's been months, Steve.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, oh, Jeff, we get so many emails from yeah, let's be honest, from the millions of listeners, and we get so many emails.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_02: Jeff, we could do an email from the listener show every week.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_02: It could be just that show, but then after a while, they'd only be commenting on their own comments.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_02: It's kind of a it's a self-defeating vortex, you know, you know, you know what I mean?
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_02: It's kind of one of those pools that circles the drain and then goes down the drain, you know, goes actually go down, you know.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_02: So I don't think we should do that every week, but we have a lot of them.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_02: And in fact, you know, funny you should mention that about the emails because I was going through the emails, you know, we were getting ready for this show, and I got one from this woman in Council Bluffs, who, you know, most of the time people are talking about a particular show or a guest, or they had a question about a guest or something.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_02: This was very, very different.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_02: She was asking for our help and advice to get a job.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, Jeff, we we care about our communities.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_02: Now, I don't know that Council Bluffs is my community per se, but but you know, it's nearby, it's not that far, you know.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_02: Um, yeah, I mean, we care about our communities, and I thought I'd like to help her if we can.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_02: I don't I don't know if we can.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_02: Jeff, it made me feel important because she was asking our advice.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_02: Now she lives in Council Bluffs, and yes, she's a stripper, okay.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_03: But just a coincidence, it's just totally coincidence.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_02: Right, they have strippers, and and some of the people in council bluffs are not strippers, some of them are bartenders.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_03: Uh-huh.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_02: Some of them are sea strippers, some of them go and see strippers, some of them are bouncers.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, they got all kinds, really.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_02: And some of them, you know, work in the kitchen.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_02: I they got all kinds, yeah.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_02: So, yes, she is from Council Bluffs, and she is a dancer, an exotic dancer, if you will.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_02: She said, I'd like to get off the poll.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think I bet Santa would like to get off the poll too, but I don't think we're I think we're talking about different polls.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_02: What do you think?
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_03: I maybe we should we should bring her on the show sometime.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_03: I think that would be a great idea.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe even next week or whatever.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_03: Is she around?
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_02: Well funny you say that, Jeff.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_02: I answered her email because it really it touched me.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_02: And normally we talk about it before we answer anything.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sorry.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_02: Well, it it did.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_02: It touched touched my ear if you gotta know.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_02: I can't tell you which one, but let me tell you, time stood still.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_02: It touched my ear.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_02: So I answered her, and I just now I just saw it on my phone right before we started talking, right before you know the red light went on from the studio here.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_02: I saw an email from her that she's here.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_02: I said, because I said, you know, let us know when you're in the area, and maybe we'll get you on the show.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_02: And she just sent an email saying, I'm here, I'm in the air.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_02: So she is actually not in the area, she's actually in the studio right now.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_03: Wow.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_03: Well, that's amazing.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_03: Why don't we bring her on the show?
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_03: I I don't think we have a guest right now, so no, no, you know, why don't we bring her on the show?
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_03: You want to do the introduction?
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, oh, I'd love to, Jeff.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_02: And let me let me tap the window first, you know.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_02: That's important.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I want to introduce, okay, you're gonna laugh.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_02: Her name is Fanny May, and you know, sweet, and funny, that that's actually your grandmother's name, you know, Fanny, not May.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_02: She was born in May, though, I think, wasn't she?
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it's a small world because it kind of reminds me, you know, from before that, you know, she's not with us anymore.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_03: But I don't know if you ever knew this, but she actually used to be a stripper as well in her earlier earlier days in Pittsburgh.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_03: That was just a couple years ago.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_02: That was probably before some of the digestive problems, because I I don't see that pairing so well with pole dancing, you know, because you you yank yourself up the pole and then then you rip one off.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I you know, I don't know.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_03: You know what?
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_03: I never saw her perform, although I know she ended up doing it as well in North Carolina when she was at the nursing home.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_03: And Steve, I don't know if the audience really cares what they were smelling during the performance.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_03: So, you know, she was probably pretty successful at it.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_02: I I don't think you go to those places for the smell.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_02: You know, if you want a nice smell, you'd go to like the botanic garden or something, right?
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_02: You you don't go there for the smell.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_03: I do know that they they probably didn't have a pole because you know that's dangerous.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_03: If you're 80, 85 years old, 90 years old, you don't want to be up in the air on a pole.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_02: They probably don't, they probably just have chairs, you know.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_02: They have you know, you know, those wheelchairs that you you know you push a button and then it does circles and all that.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_02: They got some cool toys there, but not I don't think they have poles.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_03: I think you're probably right.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_02: But anyway, Fanny, Fanny May, welcome to the show.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, Steve and Jeff.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: Or should I call you Mr.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: Steve and Mr.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: Jeff?
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: So nice to meet you again.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: And thank you more so much for offering me some help.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it's great to meet you too, Fanny.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_02: You know, you you sound familiar, especially the way you said Mr.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_02: Steve, Mr.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_02: Jeff.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_02: Did we ever meet before?
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, we did, Mr.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: Steve.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's been a few years.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: Fanny May isn't my real name, but it's my show business name.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, I love your voice.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe is it okay if we guess uh what your real name is?
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_03: Because maybe if you were on our show, we've had you know like 90 plus shows, but I bet you I'm pretty good at kind of cutting through that.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_03: And and I bet you I could come up with your name.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_03: Hey, can I take a guess?
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_03: Are you Crash Davis?
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_02: No, you know, I you know I wish you were.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, she's she's crashing my Davis.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_02: I can tell you this.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I I I have a thought.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_02: Wait, now it's been a while and she doesn't really look like her, but hey, people can look do a lot with their looks these days, you know.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_02: You can really change your looks.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_02: So is that my psychiatrist, Dr.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_02: Fields?
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: No, who's that?
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_03: You know, Steve, I think she went into a different profession, right?
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_03: Now I don't remember.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_03: Do you remember after our the second time she was on our show?
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_03: I don't know what she was doing, but that was a good guess, Steve.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_02: Because I know she went into a different profession.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think it was pole dancing, though.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_02: If I remember right, she wanted to get completely out of psychology because we we burned her out.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, let's face it, we burned her out on psychology.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_02: She realized that she didn't really want to help people because people were like us.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_02: She, you know, that was she had seen enough of that.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_02: As I remember, she went to work parking cars.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_02: I want to say New Jersey, might be Wisconsin.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know, somewhere, somewhere not here.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not sure where, but yeah, she went to work parking cars.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_02: You know, when I think about her parking car, she gave me all that grief about my mom's Impala, the 65 Impala.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_02: I wonder if she's had to park a 65 Impala.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sure she wouldn't ever, maybe, yeah.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I would.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_02: I know I would.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_03: It's like so uh so let me let me take one more crack at this.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_03: So is it possible that you might be Steve's grandmother?
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: Oh no, I'm not.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not sure that makes any sense.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm only 28 years old.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_03: Well, you could have been married, you know, at a young age, right?
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, it's possible.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I'm not good at math, but my family tends to start young too.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, my mom's only a uh spry 90 91, and I'm old.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, I mean, she had me when she was, I don't know, I guess high school, maybe.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know, something like that, somewhere in there.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_02: Anyway, so I'll play John Charles Daly here on on what I'm just gonna flip all the cards over.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_02: All right, why don't you just tell us who you are?
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Marjorie Mayflower, Steve's old paper girl.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: I I was also on your show.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: Do you remember?
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_02: I do.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, of course we do.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it is Marjorie.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_02: I wouldn't have recognized you.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_02: It's great to see you again.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_02: You are all grown up.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, your voice has changed too.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_02: That's why it was hard to place.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_02: You're much more, you know, mmm, adult, I guess we could say.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_03: What was that?
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_03: Well, uh she's adult.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, she's adult.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_03: She's very adult.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_02: I agree.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_02: Tell me, what have you been doing?
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_02: I remember you're great with the papers, but what do what have you been doing all these years?
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: Well, stripping pretty much.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: I still use that voice when I'm working.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: Felse with the tips.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: Here, check it out.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, Mr.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: Steve.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, I owe it all to you and Mr.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_00: Jeff.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: Without your wonderful advice, I would never be where I am today.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: A former stripper and unemployed.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_03: You know, it just makes me so proud.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_03: But I don't remember exactly what advice we gave you.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_03: Can you refresh my memory as to what we may have helped you with?
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_02: Gosh, Jeff, I'm glad you said that because I I thought I was slipping.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_02: I'm I'm really struggling to figure out what advice we gave her.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_02: I don't recall, but no doubt it made a difference.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, even though we don't remember it, she apparently does.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_02: Fanny, what did we tell you?
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you told me to never try to do something you currently aren't doing for fear that you will fail.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: Just stay with what you know how to do and never think you could be better because you probably won't, and you could die.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_03: I do remember that.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I think Steve, we may have given that advice to multiple guests.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_03: I think we did along the way.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_02: Guess why we don't remember because we you know, hey Fanny, we say that to everybody, you know.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_03: So that's Steve.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_03: I well, let me ask Fanny, Fanny or Marjorie.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_03: I guess what would you like me to call you?
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_00: Fanny is fine.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, good.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_03: Uh so Fanny, I'm glad the advice helped, although at some point you're not doing the paper out anymore.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_03: So can you kind of explain like how that transition worked?
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: Well, as you know, people don't buy a lot of newspapers anymore.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: Why, Mr.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: Steve, you even canceled your subscription.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_03: So, Steve, you cancels your subscription, she ends up on the poll.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_02: It it's not a there because it's not post post hook ergo prop there hook, you know.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_02: But yes, those are both true.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_02: I canceled the subscription, and years later, she wound up on the poll.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_02: Not directly related at all.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, no.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: So, yes, my paper route kind of ended.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_00: Plus, I got too big for my bike.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: That led to a lot of male customers watching me ride that bike up and down the block.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: The good news is that my paper throwing skills came in handy with stripping.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_00: Now I can throw my clothes out to the audience.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm known for my accuracy and form.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: Also, it's so much easier to throw when you aren't restricted by clothes.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_03: I'm thinking one of the careers you could have done.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_03: Do you remember you ever go to basketball games and they throw those balls or those shirts out?
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, yeah.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_03: You know, out of that gun.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, they do the the shirt, the t-shirt cannon.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_03: I I think in some ways that's what she was doing, right?
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, it was they were t-shirts.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_03: She was her own other other clothes.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, she's her own little t-shirt canon.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_02: Uh she would she'd have like little chocolate bar, you remember the chocolate bar?
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_02: She put like a cheeseburger in one one and she'd whip them and it would hit and it was tasty, it was still hot.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_02: It was a tasty cheeseburger.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_02: It's like, wow, got a little grease on the obits, but yeah, I don't know.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and I never went to uh strip clubs in in Council Bluffs, but if I had known that they had a stripper that was throwing things for the audience, that would have been kind of cool.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, oh yeah.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_03: Why aren't you doing that now?
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm hoping you can give me some more great career advice.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_00: I've been an adult dancer for several years in Council Bluffs at the Pussycat.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: All of a sudden, they switched over to a French restaurant and they don't need any strippers.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_00: I mean Uh the answers.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_00: It changed this name to Le Poussy Shot.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_00: I hear it's doing quite well, but I haven't tried it yet.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_02: You know, Marjorie, Fanny, I think we can help you.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_02: And I I feel, Jeff, I feel called to help her because even though we didn't get her in this situation, you know, between you and me, we might have gotten her into this situation.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_02: So I feel a little bad, you know.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_02: But so what kind of job do you have in mind, Fanny?
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I started applying for other jobs, including my old paper route, but I haven't had much luck until this week.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: I answered a one dad for a space travel companion and dancer.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: I had my first interview yesterday and it went okay.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_00: But I think they're looking for someone with more space experience and who has gone around the world to think.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_00: Can you help me?
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I I think so.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_03: My first thought was maybe you would want to come and work for us, but I don't know if we really have a job for you, but you'd certainly liven up the studio.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not sure Miss Claire would like the competition, and Miss Claire might take some direct action if you know what I mean.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_02: And I think you do.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_03: I do.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_03: And and God knows we have too many dead strippers out there already.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_03: Anyway, so tell me a little bit more about what you're looking for.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate you wanting me to work with you.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_00: It'd be my pleasure, but I was really hoping to get some tips on how I can get this job that I applied for.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, sure.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, no, we could do that.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_02: Really, Fanny, I don't know that you'd like working here.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_02: You might be disappointed with with the pay and and the tips, which really don't exist.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_02: Just ask Miss Claire.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_02: So who is this company that you interviewed with that you'd like to work for?
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's for a marketing specialist and dancer for a big company that owns a bunch of small companies.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not sure the name of the company, but my interview was with the owner, I think.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_00: His name is Alien Musk.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: Strange name.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_00: Never met anyone named Musk before.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_03: I i i I could be wrong if this is the company I'm thinking of.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_03: I I think you mean Elon Musk, who's like one of the richest people in the world.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_03: What companies would you be dancing for and helping with marketing?
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_00: You know you might be right, it could be Elon, but I saw an old bio of him, and he spelled his first name, Alien, not Elon.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_00: Plus, he looks like an alien, so I just assumed that was how you pronounce his first name.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, I'm told I would be working for a business about outer space sex.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's even called Space Sex and another one, which is a car company called Tresla, which I think is the name of his first wife, who I'm told was also a dancer.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: And then I found out he has another company that's an app.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's called X, just X.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: What's so that's gotta be a porn site, don't you think?
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not sure if he has others, but I read somewhere he got a star with a company for those who want to tip dancers without using cash or credit cards.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's called Payme, pal.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_02: Well, he sounds like quite a guy and a lot of interesting companies.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_02: Now I don't want to discourage you, Fanny, but I think you might want to look for another job, say in you know, another category, different category.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_03: I agree with Steve.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_03: I I probably for a couple different reasons.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_03: I think your skill set was probably more enthrrowing from what I remember when you're doing the paper route.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_03: And maybe that's where you can really capitalize on that skill and and look towards that.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_03: And I don't know if Alien Musk or Elon Musk or whatever his name is is really thinking about that.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_03: The other thing is he's just kind of a weird dude.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_03: You know, his companies are successful.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_03: And I know he's Steve, we talked about people, rich people going to outer space.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_03: Um, he wants to do that.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_03: I just don't know if he knows what he's doing.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_03: I would be afraid that if if Fanny continues down this path that, you know, it may not work go well for her.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_02: You know, and you're so right that her skills were really with throwing.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_02: So I just suggest we go back to the strip joint, you know, well, the French restaurant now, and see if they need a server.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_02: Because, you know, you think about servers are basically tossing food.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_02: You know, the French food, they eat a lot of crepes.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_02: Crepe's pretty light.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_02: But think of it, crepe's almost like like a Saturday newspaper.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_02: It's a little light, you know, a little thin.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_02: You just whip it.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_02: I think they might need somebody that can act accurately throw crepes to the customers.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_02: It's a unique skill.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_02: If that doesn't work, hey, maybe there's your paper out, or hey, maybe come back here.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_02: Work for us.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_02: What the heck?
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, thank you so much for your help again.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_00: I am in your debt.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_00: If there's ever anything I can do, you just let me know.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_00: Bye, Mr.
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_00: Jeff and Mr.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_00: Steve.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_02: You know.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_02: You know, Jeff, I sometimes we have a guest on here that is, I don't know, I hate to sound like I'm hyperbolating, but you know, somebody that that is transformative.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_03: What is hyperboloiding?
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_03: It's it's a transformative.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_03: I'm doing that right now.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_02: I think, well, you know, you better be careful.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's legal in Illinois, but don't go to Wisconsin and do that.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_02: You know, you'll have some problems if you go to Wisconsin and do that.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_02: Ooh, ooh, ooh.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_03: But I do think that there's a lesson that we've learned here tonight, and that is that we need to go back and bring on some of the other guests and see what's going on with them because this was fascinating, and I really, really enjoyed it.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_02: And there was glass between us the whole time, and I still enjoyed it.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_02: I enjoyed it so much, and she is really in need.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, she's unemployed, looking for a job.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_02: She's really in need.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_02: So I think we as a show should give her something.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_02: I agree.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_02: Johnny, what do we have for Fannie Mae?
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_00: Right, Steve.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_00: I gave Johnny a little tax-free tip, and he was kind enough to let me read this outro as an audition for my job with SpaceX.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_00: So here goes.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'll receive a brand new sanitary high-altitude suit, custom-made by Mr.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_00: Copernicus of Malibu.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_00: With this beautiful yet functional flight suit, you can have sex in space and not leave a trace.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll get a lifetime supply of Fredo's Moleskin hand cream to leave your hands soft yet not breezy.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_00: Even after a long night at the club, you'll never see double when counting your singles.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_00: Fredo's Moltskin, an appropriation station brand.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_00: And least but not last, look at a free membership in the Popla Vodka Case of the Month Club.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_00: Popla, when you don't care enough to buy the good stuff.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_00: This has been a slow-mo disaster production in association with authoritarian media.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_00: Be sure and follow or subscribe to the Stephen Jeff Show, wherever you listen to podcasts.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_00: Write us a review while you're there too.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_00: So what do you think, Alien?
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_00: If I can call you Alien?
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_00: Do I get the job?
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_00: Good night.