Latest / Accidental Bible Scholar / Raising Morally Mature Disciples: The Heart of Biblical Parenting (Part 1)

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Raising Morally Mature Disciples: The Heart of Biblical Parenting (Part 1) · Accidental Bible Scholar

• Randy: Hello, I'm Jeff Ward here with Randy Spear. Welcome back to the Accidental Bible Scholar Podcast. We're glad you're with us. This is regular episode number thirty three. So thanks for joining us and hanging in there. And according with John seventeen three, it says, Eternal life is knowing God the Father and His Son Jesus Christ. And it's our hope and prayer that w this podcast encourages you in your walk and your relationship with Him. We pray you're able to understand who you are in Jesus Christ. That we are sons and daughters of the King, that you're join heirs with Jesus Christ, and that we have a Father who lavishes on us every spiritual blessing in Christ. If you have any questions, criticism, or topics. anything more you want to hear expanded on something Randy has said then send us an email at contact at accidentalbiblescholar dot com. We check it regularly. our podcast is on Apple, Amazon, Spotify, iHeartRadio, and YouTube, and the YouTube has video. We release a new episode every Thursday, so you can expect that. Our website's not It's functional, not necessarily complete, but you can find and access all the podcasts on all the different platforms with links from there. And that's www.accidentalbiblescholar dot com. Today, we're gonna talk about parenting. We covered marriage last one or two podcasts and this one's gonna be about parenting today. So I'm excited, Randy. All right. So why don't we get started? Parenting. All right. you got any experience in parenting? A little bit. All right. How many kids? eight. You told me you're gonna ask this question and I forgot. I know. I think it's four. Four. I'll claim four. All right, you claim four. And a daughter in law. So five. Okay. And how many are still at home? Like one and a half? One. Yeah, they're all at college or beyond, but one's home this summer with some hip surgery, so he's laying on the couch right now. Uh-huh. want me to buy Legos something for him to do. Yeah. And my wife and I raised two girls. We have two son in laws. Yeah. So we're experts and everything we say should be taken full value. Just kidding. We figured it out only to the point that we survived it. Yes. you know, our my kids are both married and out of the house and so anyway they're in their in their thirties. Yeah. I'm gonna say the last part or the main part up front and I'll probably say it a couple of times. I the two things that I like to communicate here as we study, we'll read Ephesians six, first four verses here in just a second, but when we're trying to develop our kids and do what we can as parents, the f the two points I'm gonna make is that when we come up with our rules and when we communicate our rules to our children that we need to explain the moral reason why. And we'll talk about why that is, but we need that does s several things. One when when we're creating rules, it makes sure that we have a moral reason why. Which and it also gives us the f the energy, I guess, or to follow through and enforce those rules. That makes sense. If you don't, you can have arbitrary rules, you can have rules based on what kind of mood you're in. You know, this irritated me, this irritates me. Yeah. So this is a rule. Okay, that doesn't irritate me anymore because I'm in a better mood, so I don't f enforce it. And then when it's time to enforce your rule, you go, Well, if it doesn't really matter, it's just my rule. But if you have it, if your rules are based on the Bible, based on loving others, then you go, Okay, yeah, I need to I need to address this right and and take care of it. And the other one is is first time obedience. Expect your kids to be obedient the first time you tell And that Shins sends shivers down some people's spines. Right. Right. But my wife and I practiced it not perfectly, but as best we could and it just adds a level of peace. Yes. And a low level of intensity. Right. Guess that's still kinda peace to your home when we do that. And we can decide to do that yes or no. it's our decision. Yeah. All right, that's kind of the point of this whole thing, so Yeah. But we'll delve into it. Anything to add for the intro there? No, the the w what you said about, you know, I'm irritated so I'm gonna say st yeah, yell stop. You know, I s you see that often and you wanna do that, but just having rules grounded in a reason that apply across all situations at all times is just a lot easier. And then the kids know what to expect. It's like if you have a b bad boss. Mm-hmm. If you at least know what to expect you can lun you can survive. Work through it. You know, he wants the you know the grass or the what hedges trimmed every Tuesday. Well I'll just do it every Tuesday and we can survive that. But if I don't know what's coming next when he walks in the door, that's pretty rough. Yeah. Yeah. And we'll look at too it explaining the moral reason why has the effect of of Creating a wrong word, but developing morally mature adults. Right. And that's one of our goals. We'll talk about our goals and our target and all that kind of stuff here in just a second. Sounds great. You want to read the first four verses there in Ephesians chapter six? Sure. Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment accompanied by a promise, namely that it may go well with you and that you will live a long time on the earth. Fathers. Do not provoke your children to anger, but raise them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. All right. So there's instruction to children and fathers. We're not going to step through it this verse by verse. Just a couple things to point out while we're here. children obey your parents. Fathers do not provoke your children to anger. I think that's what we're going to be talking about the rest of this. But he does mention one of the Ten Commandments on your father and mother. He says, This one is accompanied by a promise that you will It says, may go well with you and that you will live a long time on the earth. So parenting is important. We're gonna read a bunch of things why parenting is important. I point this out is because I hear in the church a lot of times people going, Well, you know, when I die is the day I die and God knows that and know what I can change it. I the Bible does not say that, by the way. That's interesting. Yeah. This is a command that says that you will live a long time on the earth if you follow this command. That that's So if you don't either father and mother. Then you will not live a long life. You will not. And I've got an example or two of that, but I'm not gonna go there. But and then, you know, he says in his book that he has a book about each one of us, the Bible tells us. And then he's written every day, but we're not guaranteed to get there. There's multiple Proverbs and Psalms different places talk about one says the blessing of the Lord is that you'll get to live out your days. So in other words, it's a blessing to get all the way to what he's written out for you. There's plenty of places that talk about the mocker and different people that don't get to live out all those days. Right. So I don't know why I'm bringing that out. Just you know, to help us rethink because a lot of times we just think stuff and we're like, well, you know, that came from somewhere, but it didn't come from the Bible. Right. So anyway. That that's good. For what that's worth. No. That's worth the podcast right there. There you go. We can start on. Yeah. You're not going back to lunch. Just kidding. Okay, so I'm just gonna talk about some things as we come to Not I mean, there's a method of madness, but obviously, but there's let's just step right into it. Parenting I don't know if anybody will agree with me on this, but can be controversial, you know. It's a cultural thing, it's a biblical thing. You know, do you punish, or do you not punish, how do you punish? what standard do you use? What's that's what we're talking about teaching them explaining the moral reason why. You know, we use the biblical standard, but there's you know when you're just parenting and you're interacting with parents and culture, there's lots of different standards you can do. Here's your what is your goal? Many I think many parents don't think about what their goal is. Right. You know, one of our goals or well, we'll actually step through it, but one of goals is to have your child leave home fully confident and self assure and be able to contribute to society. We'll talk about that. But and they need to grow up and go. You know, the expectation is what? That they don't live here forever. Right. Right. In our culture we got, you know, people in or, you know, you hear about guys in the basement forever. Right. in their parents' basement. Well that's not really the plan. Yeah. And if they're if you raise up ready to go, able to make good decisions, you don't have to worry. Right. Yeah. Or or be b or still parent them while they're at college. Exactly. You don't want to have to do that. You want them on their own? They need to be on their own too. Yep. but they need to be equipped for that. So we need to equip them for that moment when they're on their own, right? True. but your c parenting can be overwhelming. You know, can we get an amen on that one? I mean it is a massively huge job. Yes. And the funny thing is you're kinda doing it the first time and and you gotta get it right. You know what I mean? yeah. And every kid is different. Every kid is different. So you think you got the book down? No. I I can learn from I got this one. I learned on the go here. On the second one, I don't have to learn on the go 'cause it got figured out. No. the Lord gives you a a completely different type of child, right? Yeah. Yeah. but your c parenting can be a source of guilt. I've heard of a lot of parents talking about guilt. Wish they'd have done something different. you know, wish they'd have known this or not known this or did this or not done this, you know. exasperation, you know, you can be tired from work, tired from this and then but your little you know, energizer bunny is still going a hundred miles an hour, you know, and you can start to cut corners with your parenting, you know, and tease Abby, this is not true, but I tease Abby, one of our daughters that that we use Benadryl to babysit her, you know And I'm not advocating that at all. I'm just saying that's a joke. But anyway, but it can be ac exasperation and you do need to get up and stay at it. But on on some days that maybe you're just too tired but Here's the truth. God deals gracefully with parents. There's grace in this process. Yes. And he is there to provide his presence and his wisdom and his power. Yeah. And these transformation things that the gospel does within you makes you a better parent, learning as you go. That was his design. Yeah. You know, that's true. He he did that. You know, now that I'm a grandparent, I'm like, man, I'm so glad that God designed it where young people have kids because right now I'm like, man. Man, having a a little guy in a house or it's more than one of is is requires a lot of energy, but there's a lot of grace there. Yeah. his intent was to give you give young young young adults their their children. I bet your children are resilient and forgiving. Yes. So we got that going for us, thank the Lord, right? They're made of cartilage. They are made of cartilage early on especially, right? And And even their little heart sometimes, you know, you c and and I've had to apologize to my kids and we all should openly and yeah apologize to They accept those apologies and are able to move on when we kinda heal up the relationship through tr honesty and tran honesty and transparency and confession to each other. So but The two principles I gave gave us, we're gonna come back to those and throw a few more things, but those are simple, basic formulas that can help us navigate and become successful. That's one of the reasons I picked u picked out. You know, if you're if you're trying to run a I'm not saying these are the only two, but if you're trying to run a you know, a thirty step checklist, you're probably not gonna do well over time. But if you've got a handful of principles, not not to do items, but hand but principles that you follow. then then you're gonna be successful. Yeah. and so the Lord's given us some. I'm gonna throw out a few today. This is not a you know a list that's comprehensive at all. But I put here your home can be filled with grace and obedient children too. Yeah. So there you go. parenting and you. Let's talk. So that's kind of the talk about intro can you know a little bit of intro. But what about us in parenting? It's easy, not supposed to, but it's easy to wrap up your identity, your self-worth, and your self-esteem in your kids. And the fact is this is your identity and your self-worth and your self-esteem are in no way or should be in no way wrapped up in in your kids. Yeah. but and let me twist it or turn it around just a little bit. Your identity and your self-worth is not your kid's responsibility. And I and I see that some I put to place your self-worth meaning and identity in your kids is idolatry. It is a sin. They can't handle the weight of that. True. And you're putting way too much on them and that is not a dependable, reliable source of your identity, self worth, meaning, self esteem, and so forth. That is only in your relationship to Jesus Christ. And and he is he is worthy and he can handle it. Yeah. Nothing else you would worship in this world can handle it. For some reason though, it's easy to to do that with our children. Yes. that makes raising them tough because you're you're trying to please them instead of trying to develop into the adult that you've that you know they should be. So you lose your whole track there and then when they're gone, it's time for them to leave. you're lost some of your identity. They're exactly your identity just left town. And that's hard for some people. Sure. And anyway, so it's idolatry to get any of your safety, security, suffer from anything except God Himself, the Lord Jesus Christ. So next step. God takes parenting very seriously. And you're like, well, how seriously? Let's read a couple of things. You mind going to Exodus? Mm-hmm. Exodus two twelve, we is is what Paul was quoting when he says that if you honor your father and mother that you may live a live a long time in the land the Lord your God has given you. That's slightly different wording than the Ephesians one that Paul was quoting. But live long in the land. go to Exodus twenty one verse. You said Exodus two twelve. You meant twenty twelve. I meant twenty twelve, that's what I read from, but you don't need to read that. If you'll go to twenty one fifteen and twenty one seventeen. twenty one fifteen. Whoever strikes his father or his mother must surely be put to death. And whoever treats his father or his mother disgracefully must surely be put to death. All right. So if we read in in the Ten Commandments up there in Exodus twenty, there's a similar punishment for dishonoring your mom and dad. Mm-hmm. That means it's probably worth a little pause and a little moment of silence. Yeah, he is he is very serious about parenting and about children obeying their parents. some guy I heard some preacher or somebody said well evidently the Israelites didn't follow this c part of the command or none of them there wouldn't be a such thing as Israel today. Right. This is true. Right. Yeah. Because we're all guilty of that, but we just don't understand how how much God is. You go to Leviticus twenty, I'm gonna go to Proverbs thirty. Okay. Proverbs thirty seventeen. The eye that mocks at a father and despises obeying a mother, the ravens of the valley will peck it out and the young vultures will eat it. There you go. Mind your mom and dad. Leviticus 29. 29. 20 verse 9. Yeah. Gotcha. If anyone curses his father or mother, he must be put to death. He has cursed his father or mother, his blood guilt is on himself. There you go. Another. And then the last one in this, because I think we've made my point, but let's go to the New Testament. Romans 1, 29 through 30 says this. They, talking about sinful man, they are filled with every kind of unrighteousness, wickedness, covetousness, malice. They are rife with envy, murder, strife, deceit, hostility. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, contrivers of all sorts of evil, disobedient to parents. It's interesting that disobedience is in that list. my goodness. Disobedience of parents is in this list with haters of God, insolent, boastful, slanderers, gossips, murder. Heartless, ruthless, heart yeah. How's that? And and you read that and you go, Is that really in that list? Yeah, that's really in that list. So what's my point? God takes parenting very seriously. We kinda hinted at it earlier, but now what's the goal of our parenting? I would say that for the mass majority of us we don't even think about what our goal parenting is. Right. It's just to get through the day. Right. And most of the time you're in the trenches. And most of the time you're in the trenches. Dirty diapers, somebody screaming and hollering, somebody fighting over a toy, somebody not sharing with somebody else and on and on and on, right? Yeah. And so but w so we need to step back and make sure we know what our goal of parenting is and then make sure we're parenting toward that goal. what what's somebody you know, my oldest daughter has three young kids and Somebody told her I'd never heard it before, but it makes perfect sense. She says she says the days are long, but the years are qu are fast. Yes. So yeah, the days are long. They can be very tiring. she's got a two year old at home and she's got a nine year old and a six year old. So it's been nine years since she's had a fully restful, not asleep on any consistent basis. Right. but she'll tell you we as we all, because tomorrow is our nine year old's birthday turns nine tomorrow. And you're like, Nine years. That went by quick. Yeah. You know, so anyway, yeah. So Yeah. I don't think anyone would say, Man, that just took forever for them to grow up. Finally, not not at the end. Yeah. When they go off to college, you're like, my goodness. Where did that go? Or that last year, I was like, What? Yeah. Just yeah. It's brutal. Yeah, brutal. It's brutal 'cause it's so fast. It is. Yeah. And then but and it's so fun too. And but haven't we all been in the in the you know, bedtime and we're trying to get things done? And get everybody going in the right direction and the teeth brushed and the pajamas on and and it's already been a long day and and you're like, And then at the end you're like, Yeah. But so the days are short but the Days are long days are long but the years are short. Yep. And but what I'm saying, I guess my point bringing it up, it's easy to get lost without keeping your goal in mind. So if we'll keep our goal in mind. it'll it'll help orient us in those busy days and in those tiring days and and so forth. And I'll just tell you I go I got a kind of a multifaceted goal here. I don't have one statement for it. But one I guess maybe the overarching, you want to be a disciple of Christ. You want to be a follower of Jesus Christ, right? Yeah. That's it. You want a transformed heart. Yeah. But it's a little more than that. I mean it's y you want them following Christ, but you want them following Christ, you know, in a way that that that is Christ honoring and family honoring and and will will what's the right word? Will serve them well into eternity if that's the right way to put it. I don't know. I put everyone a morally mature adult. Morally mature means that they can make moral judgments. Most of us don't even think in those terms, really. But what's it means What I mean by be able to be morally mature or make moral judgments is they call right. They call wrong wrong. They call good good and evil evil. Be able to look at something and go, That's good, that's evil. That's what a morally mature person is able to do. I mentioned earlier, but you know, we want to be confident, you know, we don't want obedience to the point of you know beating them, you know, within a stroke of their life or whatever, or or belittling them. It's not beating it, it's belittling them to the point we wanna you know, we're trying to build confidence, we're trying to build self assurance, not self centeredness, but self assurance. We want them to grow up and be a contributor, contributor to their family, their church, their business, society, their neighborhood, those kinds of things. but here we want to be emotionally mature and secure. in other words, they they can freely and easily love others. Okay. We don't want them to be suspect of every relationship that comes their way. we want to be a friend, a good friend. We want to have good friends and be a good friend. And eventually, not with us early on, but eventually we want to be our friends. now that's no not the goal today if you have young kids at in the house. You gotta be a parent first. If you can be a parent now, you'll be able to be a friend later. If you're a friend now, it's gonna be real hard to be a friend later. Yeah. so keep that in mind. Think long term. Yeah. and you can feel free to add stuff. But that's all I have for that. That's our goal, you know. Ultimately a disciple of Jesus Christ who's morally mature, emotionally mature, confident, self-assured, contributor, friend, and so forth. But as we're going toward any goal. There's obstacles in the way of that. Yes. okay, you mean that sounds easy. I'm ready to wrap it up. Yeah, wrap it up. All right. What are some of the obstacles? Well, I'd say the biggest obstacle, and I probably won't get any argument on this and is fallen men and women. Yeah. Both them and us. Right. I mean, the fall and that we are conceived in iniquity from the from the get go. It it matters. It cha taints everything we see and do, right? some other obstacles and you can sing out here, but energy's an obstacle. You only got a finite amount of energy in a day. and I tell you as a grandparent, it's nowhere close to the energy level as a four year old. but you know, as a twenty year old, hopefully it's a little closer. Or a thirty year old. we we we are we are not we don't come to this endeavor baggage free either, right? So it's our upbringing, our past, there can be hurts and different things. All these things can add up to be obstacles in us. Your wife and I may not your or your spouse and you may not see the right or the same way of how to parent or what to do in a situation. So you gotta deal with that. yeah. I mean even our last thing talking about the difference between male and female. I mean the nurturing side of mom and the and the firmness And strength of dad can be can come at odds. Yeah. they should a they actually work really close together if we're both on the same page, but that doesn't mean we're always gonna do that, right? Right. What are some attributes of children that show us that they're fallen? I'll let you think about that. Probably the most we have to teach to lie or to deceive or Yeah, who taught my kid how to lie? Right. I mean, I'm gonna slap that guy upside the head. What was Adam and he you really ca his he was a long time ago, so good luck with that. yeah, they they they know how to do that, right? What about self centeredness? Right. I mean, do they come out of the womb going, you know, hey, I'm hungry and when you get time? No. No, come over here and feed me. No. Right now. Right now they need fed, right? Right now they want the diaper changed. They don't want to go to bed. They don't want to go to sleep 'cause they're afraid they're gonna miss something. we have a little two year old little granddaughter and she's She's totally aware and engaged in everything. She hates to miss anything, you know. So going to bed can be a little bit of a of you know, test of wills. They want self-rule. They want to be in charge. And we talked about it a little earlier, and if we hinted at this coming on a a couple weeks ago, the scariest thing for a five-year-old to do is know he's in charge of the house. Yet that's what he wants. That's what he's working for. But when he gets it, he understands that he doesn't know anything as much as mom and dad and he wishes they would Step up to the plate. Yeah. you know, some of the basic self gratification. We have a tendency to seek pleasure above our good and above others' goods. You know, we take and put our appetites at the top. I mean, good grief. How many how many of us in adulthood are still doing that? Right? So we need to teach our children self control and those kinds of things, other s centeredness, the love of Christ and some of those those things. let's see. Let's go to why don't you Look up Psalm fifty one five, and then I'll give you another one there in Psalm fifty eight when you get to it. And then I'll read I mean Jeremiah seventeen. But go ahead. R Psalm fifty one five. Fifty one five. Look, I was guilty of sin from birth. A sinner the moment my mother conceived me. All right. That's pretty early on. The moment conception happened. David says he was a sinner. Yeah. Romans five, seventeen through Nineteen or actually mostly just nineteen, let's call it seventeen through twenty one. That whole section there would tell us why are we sinners? Because Adam sinned. We're not as sinner because we sinned. Before we sinned we were sinners. This says why when my in sinned did my mother conceived me. So you know, that's our identity, that's who we are. because of Adam. And it was passed down to Adam. We're now, if you're born again, you're now righteous, and we had that discussion, but that's yeah, because not because I'm perfect, but because Christ was perfect, and so now because of his obedience I'm there. Go to Psalm fifty eight three. While you're thumbing through that, I'll go to 179. Let me read Jerus my Jeremiah 179 says, The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately sick. Who can understand it? So that's what you said before. We didn't have to teach them to lie. We didn't have to teach them that to be self-centered. We didn't have to teach them that if where they can't, you know, to try their best to rule the world. Right. To rule their world, right? mine's mine uses the word. picked off on the word heart is deceitful. We are truly self deceived without the gospel. Right. It is only through the freedom of gospel that we can be free from self deception. So that's our little youngin' right from the start. one more. And when you get a chance. Hisaiah not that. Psalm fifty eight three. Okay. Psalm fifty eight three. The wicked turn aside from birth. Liars go astray as soon as they are born. All right. I think we made the point. Yeah. So that's some of the obstacles to this disciple of Christ that's immorally mature and all those things we described. Here's a fact. And I hope this fact kinda wakes us up. When your children are de so when your children are disobedient, they are in sin. Let that sit there for a minute. Yeah. Many times we think, you know, it's just a you know, we're just trying to get through the day and Yeah. And you know, and it's an effort versus how much energy they have versus how much energy I have, the patience I have versus their you know persistence or or whatever no take a step back engage your the biblical truth and go when my children are disobedient they are in sin so the question after that fact is do you love them enough to pull them out of it to help them and to shape them out of this sin and not that you're gonna get them out of sin I mean Jesus Christ is that but we want to develop this this morally mature disciple of Christ Any anything else to add on that? as far as obstacles. There are many and we didn't get there near all of them, I'm sure. No. So given our goal, given our obstacles, we're right there, we need to have a plan to get there, right? So our task is to train the heart. Okay, is to train morally. Yeah. your child's heart needs to be trained. Right. even a new creation. So even if your child accepts Christ early on, say seven or eight, my my two oldest grandsons have both accepted Christ. So they're brand new creations, righteous in the sight of God. They still need trained. Right. Their hearts need trained. Their mind and to put it in now that they're believers, to put it in Romans twelve two termination, their their minds need to be renewed. Okay, their spirits have been redeemed, now their minds and their their mind, will and emotions needs to be renewed according to the word of God. One more Proverbs twenty seventeen, talking about a rod and reproof impart wisdom. So instruction or job is to impart wisdom, but a child who is unrestrained brings shame to his mother. I'm sure everybody listening has examples of that in their mind. Somebody bringing shame to their mother because they were not disciplined and they do off discipline maybe. Talk about the moral training, self-control. So we needed to to to help them with one can I interrupt? Yeah. you know, when the kids are young, there's rules and not much morality. And as they age, you start to add in the this is why. Mm-hmm. Why we don't do XY. You know, when they're young, you don't there's no explanation needed. Yep. And probably well they can't comprehend, but right. You're yeah, as they grow and able to understand, you bring that reasoning behind it with your the wisdom God's given you or you've gained from scripture or She prayed like the Dickens, you know. You impart that to them as they age. So then like you said, and I think we've said it, when they get to be eighteen and they're gone, you're like, Yeah, go. Yep. Go. Yep. Exactly right. And I would say that the age that we do that is probably younger than some people have in their mind. Yeah. So in emergency we're not talking twelve or thirteen, you start to explain the reason why. The three year old can understand right the basics of love. Right. And why you would tell them to do this. Yeah. And we'll talk a little bit more, but we're not just explaining why. We want them to be able to make that decision on their own. Right. We're not wanting them to make a decision because we don't because it 'cause they want to stay out of trouble. That might be the initial stages, but we want them to make that decision as an adult because it's right. Right. Or it's wrong not to do something. So wrong or right, you know, call right and call wrong wrong. Right. So that's yeah, that's exactly right. you know, s on the self control kinda has a similar kind of thing. You know, when when you know there's I don't know, pick something. You know, the dog food bowl. You know, when your one year old is crawling toward the dog food bowl, you just scoop up sometimes. You just you are their self physically you're their self control. But you're gonna teach them that they need to stay out of the dog food bowl. Right. Right. And eventually they take or let figure it out themselves. Or let figure it out and you go either way. Maybe that's a bad example. But yeah, you go in there and they go, but eventually you want them to engage their own self control to not go scoop out dog food and and eat it. Right. You know, yeah. So anyway. I think you used I think you gave an example in Sunday school one day about kids running in church. Yes. old ladies or men or whatever. We just don't do that because you don't want to knock one of them over or speaking of that, a guy we were camping with from church and his wife, you know, a kid on a bicycle was riding very close to them and knocked her down, broke her wrist and her elbow. Mm-hmm and and a well a rib and an elbow. And The kid was just kind of out of control. He'd ridden close to her, they said stop. Anyway, long story. Yeah. Probably cutting that out. But yeah, self control. Yeah. And to know the reason why. The context matters. I'll talk about this a little bit. When I'll get in a little more details about the reason why, but I'm still gonna use the running thing 'cause it's a great one to understand. You know, running on the ball field and running in church, in the church building are two different things, right? And You know, we're not against running. Right. We're against not showing love to the elderly that we're your child is weaving in and out of on Sunday morning. Right. Right. It's scary to somebody who's not as stable on their feet as they used to be. So that's not loving them. Scaring them is not loving them. Mm-hmm. And anyway, yeah, that's a great example and that's that's great. We'll come back to it just a little bit. Conscience is another one. Our conscience It warns us, it accuses us, it prompts us to do right, it it prompts us not to do wrong, it affirms the things that we're doing right. We we all have a basic conscience, I think, if I got this right. Flip over to Romans two fifteen when you get a chance. Okay. Romans two fifteen and read that when you get there. Okay. Romans two fifteen. They show that the work of the law is written on their hearts or written in their hearts, as their conscience bears witness and their conflicting thoughts accuse or else defend them. In the context here he's talking about, hey, there's no excuse, we all we all have a conscience. that knows when we're doing wrong. So he's like, if you have the law or don't have the law, you still don't have an excuse. Well I didn't know. So that's this we all have a basic understanding of of right and wrong. the story of Cain is always always interesting to me because Cain kills his brother Abel, then then he talks to God and God takes out the punishment. And I don't think you remember Cain's complaint, 'cause he's gonna send him to wander around forever, and Cain goes, But everybody that sees me will try to kill me. How does he know that? 'Cause he knows that what he did was wrong and he knows that everybody in the world around him knows what he did wrong and he's worried about them carrying out justice and that's where God seals him with the with the sign so that he be protected. But There's a number of conscience, that's a basic conscience. We have a prohibitive conscience. My dog has a prohibitive conscience. What I mean by that is my dog will do things in order to not be punished. You know what I mean? When she does this, she gets punished and she does it a few times, she goes, I'm not gonna do that anymore 'cause I don't want to get punished. the opposite would be for a reward, you know. So we just do things for the reward or void it. the problem within a in a child is that prohibitive conscience eventually creates this constant feeling of guilt. so the way that we unknowingly develop a prov a prohibitive conscience In our children, is when we we manipulate them to get them to do something, or we create the idea the or the create fear within them to get them to mind, you know, fear of losing the parents' love or fear of losing my approval. when we're talking to them or at them about their personhood, about their identity, that's not right. That's going to create this prohibitive conscious, it's going to create this low self-esteem, this feeling of guilt. if we use guilt to get them to mind they're gonna grow up, I mean get them to behave. They're gonna the result is they're gonna have a guilty conscience that's on their conscience and they have to deal with that and and that'll just be something else the gospel has to repair. so that would be the the prohibitive conscience and assertive conscious conscience what what that means is that they don't do things to avoid punishment or to gain reward. They do things because these things are right. Or they do things or don't do things because these things are wrong. It's back to that morally mature. And this is where the explain the moral reason why. That's how we build this assertive conscience. Also being authentic with your child, being honest with your child. When you mess up saying, I messed up, I'm sorry. Will you forgive me? You know, many parents don't say that to their children. But that's a that's part of setting a good role model, making sure our words match our our talk match our walk is what I said. You know, they see you every time you're doing something. They may hear what you say, you may be talking to them about honesty, but they see you bending the bending the truth, exaggerating a little bit. And that that's detrimental to them. Yeah. at so many different levels. Yeah. So So when Dad said don't lie, he didn't really mean it. Right. He didn't really mean it. Yeah. I I heard a pastor talk about preaching and he tells he tells all these stories And a lot of them are family stories and they're very funny. And he made this comment that his kids accuse him of lying because he adds so much stuff to the stories that they're not true anymore. And I'm like, my goodness, what is he doing to his kids who's been listening to him preach for decades? He talks about honesty and integrity, but then he lies from the pulpit. Right. And you're like, my goodness. It may just be, you know, well it's for a good reason to be funny. And I'm stretching the truth a little bit. It it's got a little truth, but I'm telling it as true. I'm not telling it As a story. I'm telling it as the truth. Right. And I'm just, the damage that's being done in the hearts of his children are is worrisome. Yeah. Sad. let's see. The conscience of the of the believer is made new, it's sanctified by the Holy Spirit, it's taught and molded by the by the Word of God, but also many times you as the leader as the more mature believer in the house, you know, you're gonna it's part of y discipling them is to bring your children up and to to to mold their conscience, if you will. let's see. Read let's go to Romans nine one, if you don't mind. Mm mm. And then c stay in Romans 'cause we're gonna go to fourteen after that. Okay. I'm gonna go to and I g don't have this one printed out, I'm gonna go to first Timothy one nineteen. Timothy. It's just before second Timothy. let's see. Okay, so read Romans nine one. Okay. I'm telling the truth in Christ, I'm not lying, for my conscience assures me in the Holy Spirit. Okay, he's starting to Paul has just come off of Romans one through eight or ma which is Romans three and a half to eight or maybe the most spectacular words ever put on paper. But he's now he's talking this new thing about Israel, his heart's aching for Israel and their lack of following their Messiah. And he's talking about his conscience, but I'm talking about assures me this he he makes this clear that it's within the Holy Spirit. This Holy Spirit and his conscience are working together. So that's that's what we're trying. We're trying to get a a conscience that understands right and wrong, and then the Holy Spirit also works to develop that. in First Corinthians and in several different places in First Corinthians, it talks about those who have a strong or weak conscience and that the strong conscience goes with the mature believer and the weak conscience goes with the immature believer and the weak conscience condemns and does these different things to it that may or may not be in line with it. So in other words the Holy Spirit can grow and change and strengthen your conscience. And then first Timothy one nineteen, if you look up Romans fourteen twenty-three, let me see, First Timothy one nineteen. Here it is. To do this, you must firmly hold. To do this what? Let me go back to eighteen. I put this charge before you, Timothy, my child, in keeping with the prophecies once spoken about you, in order that with such encouragement you may fight the good fight. So in other words, to fight the good fight, through the what was prophesied about Timothy. To do this, you must hold firmly to faith. And a good conscience, which some have rejected, and so have suffered shipwreck in regard to their faith. My point here is your conscience combines with the Holy Spirit, also combines with your faith, and to go against your conscience. is is not is sin. Yours is gonna say it more directly than that. So we follow our conscience even after we're believers, our Holy Spirit or the Holy Spirit and our conscience work together. Read fourteen verse twenty three. Romans fourteen twenty three. But the man who doubts is condemned if he eats, because he does not do so from faith. And whatever is not from faith is sin. Whatever is not done from faith is sin. This is all talk talking about our conscience. Romans fourteen is talking about the great Areas of life. He's talking about what you eat, what you drink, what days you observe as different days. And he's saying, these are all gray areas, and do follow your conscience, follow things you can do in faith. That puts faith pretty high up. Conscience works along with that, if we've seen in in other places. let's see. Why is this important too is understand the Holy Spirit, it's not going to ever condemn you. It will never disapprove of you as a believer. Okay, we are in Christ. Condemnation is done. Romans 8.1 and other places. Romans 8, 31 through 39 is great. He's he's he's on our side. He gives us all things. He loves us eternally. For us, we need to follow our conscience, follow the lead of the Holy Spirit, and anything condemning is straight from hell. I pull all this out as we need to treat our kids that way too. And what I mean by that is, and I'll explain a little bit here in a minute, but we treat the problem and we work with the problem and sometimes negatively, but we're always affirming to the person. So your child is is we never talk them as being a liar. We might talk about their lying, but they're still our child and we still approve of them as who they are. We disapprove sometimes of how they act. And that's important that the Holy Spirit works with a with us exactly the same way. So that's one way we're going to shape their conscience and their identity and make them ready to be plugged right into you know s the gospel is by helping them understand that they are their identity is one of value and approval and acceptance, even though sometimes their actions are not and have Anything to add there? No, sir. Okay. Jeff: Hey, this is Jeff. Because the podcast went about an hour and ten minutes, we decided to break it into two parts. That way you're not stuck listening for too long. Thanks for listening, we'll see you next week.