Latest / The Career Mentor Podcast with Fexingo: Finding Mentors, Sponsors, and Career Advisors / How to Find a Mentor When You Are a First-Generation Professional
Transcript
- Lucas: So you know that moment when you land a job that feels like a big step up, but you quickly realize your parents can't help you navigate the office politics or even what to wear to the holiday party? Luna: Oh, absolutely. I remember my first internship, my mom asked me if I needed to bring my own stapler. I thought, maybe I do? Lucas: Right. That's the experience of a first-generation professional. And it's a specific challenge when it comes to finding a mentor, because you don't just lack a mentor — you might lack the entire context of how mentorship works. Luna: We've talked about finding mentors in a lot of situations, but I don't think we've ever zeroed in on this. So let's get specific: what's actually different for a first-gen pro? Lucas: Well, let me anchor this with a story. I was talking to a friend who's a software engineer at a mid-sized tech company. He's the first in his family to graduate college, let alone work in a corporate job. He told me that when he got his first promotion, his dad's advice was to just 'work harder' and 'keep his head down.' That's not terrible advice, but it's not the advice you need when you're trying to navigate a promotion to team lead and you're suddenly managing people twice your age. Luna: Yeah, that's a world of difference. So what did he do? Lucas: He didn't find a mentor for a long time, because he assumed that mentors were something you were assigned, like a manager or a school counselor. He didn't realize he could go out and ask someone to mentor him. That's a core gap — the unwritten rule that mentorship is something you can proactively build. Luna: So the first barrier is just not knowing the game. But there's also the network issue, right? First-gen folks often don't have family connections in the industry. Lucas: Exactly. And that's where the numbers get stark. A few years ago, a study found that something like sixty percent of jobs come through networking, and first-gen professionals are significantly less likely to have a robust professional network to draw on. They're often starting from zero, while their peers might have an uncle who's a VP or a family friend in the same field. Luna: It's like playing a game where you don't have the map and everyone else seems to have it memorized. So what are some practical strategies for someone in that position? Lucas: The first step is to reframe what a mentor can be. You don't need a single all-knowing guru. You can build a personal board of directors — maybe a peer two years ahead of you who's just navigated the promotion you want, a senior person in a different department, even someone outside your company. Luna: So less 'one mentor to rule them all,' more like a patchwork of advisors. Lucas: Exactly. And the good news is, many senior people are more willing to help than you'd think. But you have to make the ask. And that's where first-gen folks often hesitate — they feel like they're being an inconvenience, or they worry they don't have anything to offer in return. Luna: I think that's a huge point. There's a feeling of 'why would this successful person want to help me?' Lucas: Right, and that's where you have to flip the script. You're not asking for a handout; you're asking for guidance. And actually, most mentors get something out of it — it's a chance to reflect, to give back, to feel like their experience matters. So you're doing them a favor in a way. Luna: Okay, so let's talk about the practical ask. What's a good way to approach someone for the first time? Lucas: Well, the classic advice is to ask for a specific piece of advice rather than a long-term commitment. So instead of 'Will you be my mentor?' which feels heavy, you might say, 'I'm coming up on my first annual review, and I'd love to get your perspective on how to prepare for it. Could we grab a coffee for twenty minutes?' Luna: That's approachable. And then from that coffee, you can build a relationship. It's a foot in the door. Lucas: And if it goes well, you can ask if they'd be open to meeting every couple months. But the key is to start with a low-stakes, specific ask. That reduces the barrier for both of you. Luna: What about the fact that a lot of first-gen folks are the first to go to college from their family, so they might not have alumni networks to lean on? Or they went to a less prestigious school where the alumni network isn't as strong? Lucas: That's a real challenge. But I think there are two things there. First, even less-prestigious schools often have alumni who are eager to help — you just might have to be more proactive in finding them. Check LinkedIn, go to alumni events, even if they're virtual. Second, you don't have to limit yourself to your alma mater. You can connect with people who share your background, your interests, your industry — even if they went to a different school. Luna: So it's about broadening the net. I'm also thinking about the imposter syndrome angle. First-gen folks often feel like they don't belong, and that can make them hesitant to even reach out to a potential mentor. They think 'they'll see through me.' Lucas: Absolutely. And that's where you have to remember that you've already gotten where you are because you're competent. You're not asking for a handout; you're asking for insight. And the people who are worth having as mentors will respect that you're being proactive, not see it as a sign of weakness. Luna: There's also the sponsor angle. We've talked about sponsors before — someone who advocates for you when you're not in the room. For a first-gen person, getting a sponsor can be even more critical, because you might not have the internal champions that others have. Lucas: That's a great point. And sponsors are often harder to get because they require you to demonstrate your value in high-visibility ways. So you might need to volunteer for projects that stretch you, make sure your achievements are visible to senior leaders, and then ask for opportunities to present your work. That builds the trust that makes someone want to sponsor you. Luna: And speaking of buying coffee, I just realized we've been talking about coffee meetings a lot. Speaking of coffee, if you've gotten something out of this show, a couple of dollars a month is genuinely what keeps these going. You can buy me a coffee at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. It's a small way to say thanks and keep us ad-free. Lucas: Yeah, we really appreciate that. It makes a real difference for us. So back to the first-gen experience — another angle is what I call the 'translator' role. As a first-gen professional, you often feel like you're translating between two worlds: your family's world and the corporate world. That can be exhausting, but it's also a superpower. Luna: How so? Lucas: Because you're used to navigating ambiguity and adapting quickly. That's something you can highlight in your career — the ability to code-switch, to communicate with different audiences, to bridge gaps. A good mentor can help you see those skills as assets, not liabilities. Luna: That's a nice reframe. So what's one concrete step a first-gen listener can take this week to start building a mentorship network? Lucas: I'd say, pick one person you admire in your company or your field — not the CEO, but someone a level or two above you — and send them a short, specific request for advice. Even if they say no, you've practiced the skill of asking. And you'll be surprised how often they say yes. Luna: And if they do say yes, what's the one thing you should prepare for that first conversation? Lucas: Have a clear goal. Do you want feedback on your career trajectory? Advice on a specific project? A better understanding of the industry? Be specific, and you'll get a much more useful conversation. And always follow up with a thank-you note and a brief update on what you did with their advice — that's what turns a one-off coffee into a lasting relationship. Luna: That's the kind of practical advice I wish I'd had years ago. I think we've covered a lot of ground here. The key takeaway for me is that mentorship is not a mystery — it's a skill you can learn, even if you're the first in your family to navigate this world. Lucas: Absolutely. And remember, you're not starting from scratch. You've already overcome incredible odds to get where you are. That resilience is exactly what a good mentor will want to help you channel. Luna: Well said. Until next time. Lucas: Take care, everyone.