Latest / CLEAR Performance Coaching / Podcast#14 - CLEAR Performance Coaching - GET PEOPLE UNSTUCK - The Desirec Future State

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Podcast#14 - CLEAR Performance Coaching - GET PEOPLE UNSTUCK - The Desirec Future State · CLEAR Performance Coaching

0:21
SPEAKER_03: This is where leadership performs.
0:31
SPEAKER_03: So you can step in and show up on purpose every day.
0:54
SPEAKER_00: All right, we want to welcome you to the next podcast of Clear Performance Coaching.
0:58
SPEAKER_00: I'm Kent Vaughn.
0:59
SPEAKER_02: I'm Sam Bracken.
1:01
SPEAKER_00: And I'm Rick Timlick.
1:03
SPEAKER_00: We're so excited to continue the conversation today about resilience and specifically the category of cards called Getting People Unstuck.
1:13
SPEAKER_00: It's the purple category.
1:16
SPEAKER_00: And we've in the last couple podcasts been talking about the first few cards in this category.
1:21
SPEAKER_00: The next card is card 40, the desired future state.
1:25
SPEAKER_00: Now, this is a great one that people are very accustomed to talking about.
1:29
SPEAKER_00: The problem is they often skip the step we talked about in the last podcast, which is getting really clear about the current state.
1:37
SPEAKER_00: Where are we currently?
1:37
SPEAKER_00: Because if we're not really clear about where we are, how do we know where we need to go?
1:41
SPEAKER_00: It makes me think of my daughter.
1:43
SPEAKER_00: Years ago, she needed some maintenance in her car, and I said, Doesn't that frustrate you to go find out all the things you need to know?
1:48
SPEAKER_00: And she said, No, I'd rather know everything my car needs, even if I can't afford to do it all right now.
1:53
SPEAKER_00: I know what it needs, then I can start preparing for that.
1:55
SPEAKER_00: I thought, oh, that's really very mature thinking on your part.
1:59
SPEAKER_00: I just assume my mechanic not tell me.
2:01
SPEAKER_01: That's really profound.
2:03
SPEAKER_00: You know, like, hey, I'd like to know.
2:04
SPEAKER_00: I may not be able to get it done now, but I'll get it done next month or the next month.
2:07
SPEAKER_00: I thought, wow, great job, babe.
2:09
SPEAKER_00: You are a seriously a mature adult on this.
2:11
SPEAKER_00: Great for you.
2:12
SPEAKER_00: Really need to understand the current state, so I figured out what do we do for the desired future state.
2:17
SPEAKER_00: Sam, Rick, what do you think about this idea of the desired future state?
2:22
SPEAKER_01: You know, I'd say last episode we talked about holding up the mirror, but mirror only tells you where you are.
2:28
SPEAKER_01: Nobody gets unstuck by just staring at a mirror.
2:30
SPEAKER_01: So we've got to move beyond that.
2:32
SPEAKER_01: I think a coach is where we trade the mirror for the canvas.
2:36
SPEAKER_01: You know, that desired future state is the vision conversation, you know, facts and feelings about the future.
2:42
SPEAKER_01: Paint the picture, declare your intention.
2:45
SPEAKER_01: And I'll tell you, here's what I've learned in nearly 20 years of doing this.
2:48
SPEAKER_01: Most people can tell you what they don't want in 10 seconds flat and go completely silent when you ask what they do want.
2:55
SPEAKER_01: The silence, that's the blind spot this card is built for.
2:59
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
3:01
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, the other thing is a lot of times when people get the current state and they're clear on where they're at, they want to go right to solution.
3:08
SPEAKER_02: Well, that doesn't do you any good, any good until you say, okay, where do I want to be in the future?
3:14
SPEAKER_02: Once we understand where we're at, most people want to go directly to solution.
3:19
SPEAKER_02: We want you to hold off on that.
3:20
SPEAKER_02: You need to paint a picture of the future to understand the gap on where you're at and where you want to be.
3:28
SPEAKER_02: Get clear on that gap before you move to any kind of solution.
3:32
SPEAKER_02: A lot of people just want to fix things without a vision of what they want it to look like in the future.
3:38
SPEAKER_02: So it's really important, once we understand where we're at, we really paint a picture, like Rick so eloquently said, we we look at it as a canvas to paint the picture we want in the future, the future state, because then that's going to psychologically help us move toward that state.
3:57
SPEAKER_01: You know, just I want to add to that, and Sam, you've said this many times, and I really love it.
4:01
SPEAKER_01: You you've taken those operational practice principles and applied it to human behavior.
4:07
SPEAKER_01: And so, you know, to those audiences that know some of those tools, you know, if you think of the five wise root cause, or you think of the fishbone diagram, you know, those those all kind of, you know, in our last episode kind of got down to what's keeping you stuck.
4:23
SPEAKER_01: And now we're at the brainstorm phase.
4:25
SPEAKER_01: Like we're really now here thinking based on those root causes, what options do we have?
4:30
SPEAKER_01: Like we're just really exploring at this point, right?
4:32
SPEAKER_01: Creating that future of you.
4:34
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's like, oh, the possibilities.
4:36
SPEAKER_02: This is where oh, the places you'll go.
4:39
SPEAKER_02: Doctors too is my favorite thing.
4:41
SPEAKER_02: Kim and I have a tradition of giving every college graduate in our family or every friend that graduates from high school or college, we give them a card, some money, and the book by Dr.
4:52
SPEAKER_02: Touss, Oh, the places you'll go, for precisely this reason to get them to use their imagination and gifts to think about if you could do anything, what would it be?
5:02
SPEAKER_02: If you could be anyone, what would it be?
5:04
SPEAKER_02: If you had a million bucks in the bank, what would you do?
5:07
SPEAKER_02: These are just really good exercises to free people up of the constraining thoughts and limitations of reality.
5:14
SPEAKER_02: Sometimes it can be really devastating.
5:17
SPEAKER_02: As a kid, the way I got out of really bad situations is I had posters in my room, I had pictures, I had sports illustrated pictures up on the room because I had I wanted to keep my vision clear on what I wanted in my future, and the more I did that, the more I felt inspired to take action.
5:41
SPEAKER_00: You know, I love it.
5:42
SPEAKER_00: Preprint on the card, at the very top it says, if you could do anything, what would it be?
5:48
SPEAKER_00: And I don't think enough people think about that.
5:50
SPEAKER_00: You know what things about that?
5:52
SPEAKER_00: You know, I'll just tell you a personal story.
5:54
SPEAKER_00: At 57 years old, which was 10 years ago, so I'm that's a long time ago.
6:00
SPEAKER_00: I decided to leave the company I'd served for 24 years because I'd always, always, always, always wanted to do my own thing.
6:06
SPEAKER_00: I'd always wanted to be an entrepreneur.
6:08
SPEAKER_00: I was an entrepreneur when I was very young, and then I got in the corporate world, and I was a place where, oh, we're making good money, and there are opportunities to grow and grow and grow.
6:16
SPEAKER_00: And eventually I got to a place where there was nowhere else to go.
6:20
SPEAKER_00: The president was younger than I was, and quite a bit younger, and I wasn't going to become the president.
6:25
SPEAKER_00: And so I finally said to my wife, I've got things I want to do.
6:28
SPEAKER_00: I've got some books I want to write, and I can't do it here.
6:31
SPEAKER_00: And she said, Why did you have to wait till you're 57 to actually decide to start a business?
6:36
SPEAKER_00: I said, I'm sorry, I wish it was 47 or 37 or 27.
6:38
SPEAKER_00: But it's like they say, when was the best time to plant a tree 20 years ago?
6:42
SPEAKER_00: If not, plant it now.
6:43
SPEAKER_00: And so when I think about everyone that's listening to this podcast, think about where is it you want to be?
6:49
SPEAKER_00: And if that isn't where you are, don't stay there because it's comfortable.
6:52
SPEAKER_00: Don't stay there because they pay you hundreds of thousands of dollars and you live in a great house and you drive beautiful cars in my life.
7:00
SPEAKER_00: Don't do that.
7:01
SPEAKER_00: Don't do that, don't do that.
7:02
SPEAKER_00: Because when you die, you'll think, why didn't I do that thing I really wanted to do?
7:06
SPEAKER_00: So I had people say to me, and we've all heard this before, you know, if you could do anything, what would it be?
7:11
SPEAKER_00: Well, I would go do this thing.
7:13
SPEAKER_00: So then go do that thing.
7:15
SPEAKER_00: Whatever that thing is.
7:16
SPEAKER_00: I'm not trying to get you to quit your job.
7:18
SPEAKER_00: I'm not trying to get you to change whatever, but do not go to your grave with it inside you.
7:24
SPEAKER_00: Do not do that.
7:25
SPEAKER_00: There's too much inside you that's wanting to get out that needs to get out.
7:29
SPEAKER_00: When I wrote my first book, I read this book about called Published, and he talked about everyone has a book.
7:34
SPEAKER_00: He said, the little grandma that lives down the street, she could write a great book about flowers or canning jam.
7:40
SPEAKER_00: And the guy next door, he could write a book about restoring 68 Camaros.
7:45
SPEAKER_00: Everyone's got some specialty, something they're great at, they're good at that.
7:48
SPEAKER_00: They can write a book about.
7:49
SPEAKER_00: Now, I'm not trying to get you to write a book.
7:50
SPEAKER_00: We've all written books.
7:51
SPEAKER_00: In fact, watch for Sam's new one about uh you know getting unstuck resilience coming out soon, or our coaching book coming out in late 97.
7:58
SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry, 20, 27, 26, late 26.
8:01
SPEAKER_00: Wow.
8:02
SPEAKER_00: I'm thinking about whatever, 97.
8:04
SPEAKER_00: But don't let this go without some real time here.
8:09
SPEAKER_00: Spend some time with them, but also on yourself as, man, if you could do anything, what would it be?
8:14
SPEAKER_00: And get serious about it.
8:15
SPEAKER_00: Again, we're not trying to get you to quit your job or change this and that and the other, but you know, maybe you're in a great organization, but you're on the wrong seat of the bus.
8:22
SPEAKER_00: I had to have that conversation with my boss 40 years ago.
8:25
SPEAKER_00: Say, hey dude, I love this company, but I'm in the wrong seat.
8:29
SPEAKER_00: And if I can't change seats, I'm gonna have to leave.
8:32
SPEAKER_00: And I went very concerned, think I'm gonna lose my job, lose my benefits, so on and so forth.
8:35
SPEAKER_00: And he said, Great, what do you want to do?
8:37
SPEAKER_00: And within a couple of months, I was in a new role in a different plant with that same company, doing something completely different.
8:44
SPEAKER_00: But you have to just be honest with yourself and say, hey, if and help the people that you're coaching be honest with themselves.
8:50
SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's just you need to switch to a different seat on the bus, as Jim Collins talked about, right?
8:56
SPEAKER_02: We like to say, we like to say in our company, clear performance coaching, paint a clear picture of what you want.
9:04
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, get as clear as you possibly can.
9:07
SPEAKER_02: Get clear because if you're not gonna get clear, ain't it gonna be clear?
9:12
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I love that.
9:13
SPEAKER_01: I mean, you know, here's the statements that I hear often.
9:15
SPEAKER_01: I don't want to be behind anymore, I don't want to be overwhelmed, I don't want to be.
9:19
SPEAKER_01: It's not a future state.
9:21
SPEAKER_01: That's the current state that you're talking about.
9:23
SPEAKER_01: You know, I want my team to bring me problems before there are fires, or I want to leave Friday without dread is a destination that you could feel, you know you've arrived.
9:32
SPEAKER_01: Like I think our job as coaches, we've got to not accept a negative version.
9:37
SPEAKER_01: So we keep asking, what do you want instead until a real picture shows up?
9:42
SPEAKER_01: And and I'll tell you, sometimes from my own experience, and and Sam, you'll probably relate too, it takes three or four passes at this before the discomfort in those passes starts to see the true fruit.
9:54
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, totally.
9:55
SPEAKER_02: Because if if you have a really good, clear, desired future state, it's gonna require some change.
10:02
SPEAKER_02: And that's gonna be that's gonna that's gonna mean you're gonna have pain.
10:07
SPEAKER_02: Because change doesn't happen without pain.
10:10
SPEAKER_02: Right?
10:10
SPEAKER_02: You're gonna have to stop some stop certain behaviors and start up other behaviors, and you're gonna it's gonna require some effort, focus, and complete diligence.
10:19
SPEAKER_02: And and a lot of people just think, well, it'll come to me, I'll just make it, and it'll just everything good happens to me, and I'll just receive goodness and light.
10:27
SPEAKER_02: And that's bull crap.
10:28
SPEAKER_02: It doesn't happen.
10:29
SPEAKER_02: You actually have to make you have to figure out what you want, and you have to go get it.
10:33
SPEAKER_02: And it is not gonna come to you.
10:34
SPEAKER_02: Now, there I mean, I love this law of abundance, I believe in it, it's great, but only after you do all you can do.
10:41
SPEAKER_02: Like abundance, well, the law of attraction is a great thing if you're working your butt off toward an outcome and you're learning from failure and you're moving forward.
10:51
SPEAKER_02: But most people, you know, don't realize that that desired future state is going to require some kind of effort, focus, and some kind of change.
11:01
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'd agree that law of abundance or the law of attraction, it it's a magnet, and and the thing that brings it together is what you do as well, right?
11:09
SPEAKER_02: Yes, that's a great way to say it.
11:11
SPEAKER_02: Much better, more positive than I was being.
11:13
SPEAKER_01: But what if we walk just kind of the the cards here?
11:16
SPEAKER_01: You know, if you don't mind, Ken, Sam, I'll I'll start by just talking about the facts, data, and information in the future state.
11:22
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes I try to get people to be very concrete.
11:26
SPEAKER_01: You know, what's measurably different?
11:28
SPEAKER_01: What does Tuesday look like a year from now?
11:31
SPEAKER_01: And and who's doing what that hasn't happened today?
11:34
SPEAKER_01: Like I really want to get them specific around there.
11:38
SPEAKER_02: The more specific you can be, the better off you are, the clearer the picture becomes.
11:45
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I agree.
11:47
SPEAKER_01: And then we get into the feelings and emotions in the future, and to me, this is kind of like the fuel, the the rocket fuel behind that.
11:54
SPEAKER_01: Nobody moves towards a KPI.
11:56
SPEAKER_01: You know, they move towards pride or freedom or growth or you know, and so we want to ask the question how does that feel when it's true?
12:05
SPEAKER_01: When we achieve that, how is that gonna feel?
12:07
SPEAKER_01: I think the answer is where the pull is gonna come from for people, and and back to that lean terminology, you know, there's a push where we're pushing people into the direction we want them to go, or there's a pull where they're you know they're doing the effort themselves.
12:21
SPEAKER_01: And so the KPI alone isn't gonna do it, but how they apply their feelings and emotions towards the outcome, that's when they start to pull.
12:32
SPEAKER_02: This is really cool that you said this because the way you apply your feelings, the the feelings give you inspired self-activated action.
12:41
SPEAKER_02: The vision alone is not gonna do it for you, but the way you feel about it gives you inspired, self-activated action.
12:48
SPEAKER_02: That's what's gonna create, that's what's gonna close the gap.
12:52
SPEAKER_02: That'll close the gap to your future.
12:55
SPEAKER_01: And then we paint the picture.
12:57
SPEAKER_01: Like it's to me, the paint the picture is sensory and specific.
13:01
SPEAKER_01: Like, where are you standing?
13:03
SPEAKER_01: What are you hearing?
13:04
SPEAKER_01: That picture the person can step into beats the goal statement every time.
13:08
SPEAKER_02: Oh, that's so good.
13:11
SPEAKER_01: That's so good.
13:12
SPEAKER_01: That's really well said.
13:14
SPEAKER_01: The other point we have is declare your intention.
13:17
SPEAKER_01: And again, here's what I love about this is when I say it out loud, it converts it from that private little conference in my brain into a public commitment.
13:26
SPEAKER_01: I think that's important.
13:27
SPEAKER_01: That declaration is a hinge between, you know, I'm kind of dreaming of something, versus I've got something out there that I really am anchoring myself to.
13:38
SPEAKER_01: And then the last one we have is see your desired outcome.
13:41
SPEAKER_01: Again, to me, and I'd love to hear you guys like this to me is the exit test.
13:46
SPEAKER_01: It's where the coach and the coachy know and can now state what there is, and I'll put there in, you know, parenthesis.
13:52
SPEAKER_01: And it's stated in the coachy's words, not the coaches.
13:59
SPEAKER_01: So those are kind of the the five points that we have on how to walk from the desired current state into the desired future state.
14:08
SPEAKER_01: Anything you guys would add?
14:11
SPEAKER_02: Don't be afraid to write it down and review it all the time.
14:15
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
14:18
SPEAKER_00: I heard a speaker decades ago talking about your goals, and he advocated that and what he did was he carried a three by five card in his pocket.
14:29
SPEAKER_00: And every morning, lunch, and night, he read the goals.
14:32
SPEAKER_00: Every day, every day, every day.
14:34
SPEAKER_00: And I have had different times in my life when I've done that.
14:37
SPEAKER_00: It's amazing how well that works.
14:39
SPEAKER_00: I did that on my phone a few years ago, where I had it pop up morning and night and would read it, and it was effective, but it wasn't quite the same as having that little three by five card, that tangible card in my pocket, where I'd pull it out morning and night, and with lunch at night, and review my goals, right?
14:53
SPEAKER_00: One of my sons and his wife do that now, and it's amazing the success they're having in their business because they're just every day, every day, three times a day, talking about their goals, talking about this future state and reveling in it, living it, right?
15:08
SPEAKER_00: And getting to there.
15:10
SPEAKER_00: And what happens, I think, is you get kind of this almost divine discontent where you're tired, you're sick and tired of being sick and tired, and I'm just gonna say this is important to me, I'm gonna do it.
15:20
SPEAKER_00: And that's one of the things you have the opportunity to help as a coach, is to help people, you know, to get sick and tired of being sick and tired and just keep moving forward.
15:28
SPEAKER_00: And again, we're we're not trying to um we're not trying to be a coach and that we're forcing them, we're just trying to remind them of the things that they've said are important to them and how are they doing on that?
15:38
SPEAKER_00: Reminding them of the picture of that.
15:42
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, totally.
15:44
SPEAKER_01: You you talk about a picture of that.
15:45
SPEAKER_01: I think of when I was one time declaring I was going to run a marathon, and and I remember posting that out on social media and and the comments and the likes and everything, that already fueled the fact that I thought I had already partly achieved it.
16:01
SPEAKER_01: And yet I hadn't done any training, I hadn't registered, I hadn't gone anywhere.
16:06
SPEAKER_01: You know, kind of what you're saying is visualization alone, I don't think is what totally helps.
16:10
SPEAKER_01: In fact, it can reduce the effort because we partly experience the success we're imagining.
16:15
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
16:15
SPEAKER_01: What what really works, and this is why I love the the card design, is the science of why 39 and 40 are paired is is the exact order.
16:25
SPEAKER_01: Like we're not doing vision boards, we're doing mental contrasting with a coach of current state, future state.
16:36
SPEAKER_00: You know, the power of telling people around you something you're going to work on can be invaluable unless you do what you just said, Rick, and that is, oh, that means I did it because I feel like I've achieved it because I announced the goal.
16:47
SPEAKER_00: Announcing the goal wasn't enough.
16:48
SPEAKER_00: It's actually asking people to hold you accountable about that.
16:52
SPEAKER_00: And there's such value in that.
16:54
SPEAKER_00: I the first book I wrote, I told my family, I'm gonna have the manuscript done by this date.
17:00
SPEAKER_00: And I sent it to my kids, to my told my wife, et cetera, et cetera.
17:04
SPEAKER_00: And every week our family called, they say, How are you doing?
17:07
SPEAKER_00: How are you doing?
17:07
SPEAKER_00: I said, Hey, I wrote five days this week.
17:09
SPEAKER_00: I wrote six days this week.
17:10
SPEAKER_00: And there's something about them holding me accountable and doing it.
17:14
SPEAKER_00: You know what, sure enough?
17:15
SPEAKER_00: That it was done on that date.
17:17
SPEAKER_00: Conversely, oh wow.
17:21
SPEAKER_02: They held you accountable, that was the pain.
17:23
SPEAKER_00: It was it wasn't embarrassed myself and tell my kids death is gonna do this thing.
17:26
SPEAKER_00: He started his own company, he didn't, he's been talking about this book for a year, he hadn't written it yet.
17:30
SPEAKER_00: I I finally put it out there.
17:31
SPEAKER_02: Yeah now that required discipline and focus and everything.
17:34
SPEAKER_02: Well, it did.
17:35
SPEAKER_00: Here's the sad thing.
17:36
SPEAKER_00: I have a really good friend who started writing a book about seven years ago, and he's still messing around with it.
17:44
SPEAKER_00: He's still working on so many things, we've talked about so many ways, but he's told so many people so many times the goal, the goal, the goal, and he's not achieved it that frankly he's given up on it.
17:54
SPEAKER_00: Frank, I'm afraid he's gonna go to the grave.
17:56
SPEAKER_00: And even though he's written half a dozen good versions of the book, he keeps perfecting it and refining it.
18:01
SPEAKER_00: It's like, dude, just get it out there.
18:03
SPEAKER_00: It's called the Ten Quiet Questions.
18:05
SPEAKER_00: It's gonna be an amazing book.
18:06
SPEAKER_02: I've seen all the great title.
18:08
SPEAKER_02: Oh, wow.
18:09
SPEAKER_00: It's it's the ten quiet questions every employee has for you as a leader, right?
18:12
SPEAKER_00: It's amazing.
18:13
SPEAKER_00: It's a great book.
18:13
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
18:14
SPEAKER_00: But he's just he's stuck in this perfectionism mindset.
18:20
SPEAKER_00: And uh, you know, I said, this is gonna be your Magnum opus.
18:22
SPEAKER_00: Well, he's so worried about it that he's never gonna get the Magnum Opus out there, I'm afraid.
18:26
SPEAKER_00: I in fact, I need to call him today.
18:27
SPEAKER_00: See what's going on with him.
18:28
SPEAKER_00: Call him today.
18:30
SPEAKER_02: You know, one of the things one of the things I just thought about is one of the one of the things that keeps us from vision is if we're in this is why in the current state we need to understand if we're in fight or flight.
18:42
SPEAKER_02: Because if you're in fight or flight, you can't go to vision.
18:45
SPEAKER_02: You're like it, it won't allow you.
18:48
SPEAKER_02: So part of getting into a few good future state is getting into the proper mindset, right?
18:55
SPEAKER_02: This is your frontal globe, your frontal cortex, getting into the right mindset of a vision.
19:02
SPEAKER_02: And I remember years ago being in a seminar with Dr.
19:07
SPEAKER_02: Covey.
19:08
SPEAKER_02: This is before the seven habits were was even written, and he asked me a question.
19:14
SPEAKER_02: He asked me to close my eyes and think about some kind of cool goal in the future.
19:20
SPEAKER_02: And I closed my eyes and all I thought about was my painful past.
19:24
SPEAKER_02: I couldn't even think about the future.
19:28
SPEAKER_01: Interesting.
19:29
SPEAKER_02: I literally couldn't think about it because of my trauma in my childhood.
19:33
SPEAKER_02: And so I had some work to do to even be able to paint the picture.
19:39
SPEAKER_02: So for many of our audience, you know, we don't understand the work that people have to do to get the vision because they may be burdened with all sorts of trauma and triggers and history, or maybe they're in just a heightened state of fight or flight or freeze.
19:56
SPEAKER_02: And we need to help break that out of it.
19:58
SPEAKER_02: That's why we that's why we're looking at the data, we're evaluating our feelings, separating our feelings from facts.
20:05
SPEAKER_02: This helps us be able to get into a psychological state where there's safety and we can have the conversation with ourselves about what if, what if this is what's to happen.
20:16
SPEAKER_02: What you know, what can I be?
20:18
SPEAKER_02: What will I be?
20:19
SPEAKER_01: You know, so it's important we understand that.
20:23
SPEAKER_01: You know what I was thinking of when you were saying that is by following this future state, as we say, it leaves you with that sense of hope.
20:31
SPEAKER_01: Like it should at least leave you with that sense of hope.
20:34
SPEAKER_01: And I know I've heard hope is not a strategy.
20:36
SPEAKER_01: I know that very well, and it's true.
20:39
SPEAKER_01: But hope isn't a feeling either.
20:41
SPEAKER_01: It's not a mood, it's a pathway.
20:43
SPEAKER_01: It says I can see the route.
20:45
SPEAKER_01: Now, when you combine that hope with agency, like I can now walk the route, and then accountability of a good coach helping you do that, you've got success there.
20:55
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's how you get to an inspired activated action.
20:58
SPEAKER_02: Yep.
20:58
SPEAKER_02: Inspired self-activated action.
21:00
SPEAKER_02: That's how you do it.
21:01
SPEAKER_02: You just gave us the formula.
21:03
SPEAKER_00: Love that.
21:05
SPEAKER_00: Hey, I want to put a plug in here because what Sam said about his past, I think it's really important.
21:11
SPEAKER_00: And if you've got somebody that's stuck or you're stuck, and they're stuck in the past and this horrific thing past, you know, and so many people have had them, right?
21:19
SPEAKER_00: His book, My Orange Duffelbag, is a bestseller.
21:23
SPEAKER_00: If you look to the left of Sam, behind his right shoulders, a bunch of orange in his bookcase, and some of them are his book, My Ernest Duffelbag.
21:31
SPEAKER_00: And could I highly recommend this book?
21:33
SPEAKER_00: I've given that to so many people.
21:35
SPEAKER_00: We were speaking to commerce a while back, and we weren't talking about that, but we gave some copies of the book.
21:39
SPEAKER_00: Our project manager Han Yao said his nine-year-old son has read it three times, right?
21:44
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
21:45
SPEAKER_00: I'd highly, highly recommend.
21:47
SPEAKER_00: And sometimes it's it's not that your experiences were the same as his, but if you guys have someone who's really got to deal with some things, look at someone who came out of, you know, the drug culture, the motorcycle gang, hoodlums at the highest.
22:00
SPEAKER_00: Level, that's Sam Bracken, and came out of that world, and you would never know it today, right?
22:06
SPEAKER_00: But he got out, and people can get out, and there are horrors that people have been through.
22:11
SPEAKER_00: And when you're dealing with folks like that, you can recommend books.
22:13
SPEAKER_00: Certainly they might need some professional counseling and things, but but there are so many examples of people who've come out of terrible things and become and done amazing things.
22:24
SPEAKER_02: The number of people you see that are like you know, can't that's interesting you bring that up because helping people get a solid solidified vision and and hope for a few better future, sometimes that's messy.
22:36
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
22:37
SPEAKER_01: It's not Sam, somebody listening to this could just say, you know, you're wired differently.
22:42
SPEAKER_01: You're just wired better than the rest of us.
22:45
SPEAKER_01: Like, what would you say to that?
22:46
SPEAKER_02: I'd say that's bull crap.
22:48
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we all I mean, I would say it's bull crap.
22:51
SPEAKER_02: I learned it.
22:52
SPEAKER_02: Now, I wish I'd learned it faster, but I did learn it through pain.
22:57
SPEAKER_02: And but again, it has to do with agency.
23:00
SPEAKER_02: You know, bad things happen to everybody, but not everybody turns those bad things into something that's productive that can help them move forward or spring forward.
23:10
SPEAKER_02: In my new book, Harder Life, Better Life, we talk about resilience and how we can use setbacks to help us spring forward, not just get bounced back.
23:21
SPEAKER_02: That's bull crap.
23:22
SPEAKER_02: If we have a real serious setback or some great opposition or some challenges, use those challenges to spring forward way past bouncing back.
23:32
SPEAKER_02: There's a process to do that.
23:34
SPEAKER_02: And I spent 40 years learning it, and now I'm sharing it with everybody else.
23:38
SPEAKER_02: But it's different for different people.
23:41
SPEAKER_02: But, you know, I these days I when it comes to having belief of agency or free will, these days, my I used to think that anybody could choose to do anything.
23:52
SPEAKER_02: These days I think free will is more on a continuum.
23:55
SPEAKER_02: There are certain people that have really a lot of free will and have the capability of doing almost everything with nothing.
24:03
SPEAKER_02: Anything with nothing.
24:04
SPEAKER_02: You know, you've heard the saying, I've done so much with so little, I can do anything with nothing.
24:08
SPEAKER_02: I think they got a real big, robust free will.
24:13
SPEAKER_02: And there are other people because of circumstances, mental illness, physiological problems, abuse, their free will is more limited.
24:23
SPEAKER_02: It's more limited.
24:24
SPEAKER_02: And so, but I say you still have free will.
24:27
SPEAKER_02: Use what you have.
24:28
SPEAKER_02: Because the more the more you choose to do something and execute your choice, doing the best you can, the more choice you will have, the greater freedom you will have to choose.
24:38
SPEAKER_02: It's one of those things that's a muscle.
24:40
SPEAKER_02: Agency is a muscle, and the more you use it, the stronger you'll get.
24:47
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you know, I agree.
24:49
SPEAKER_01: I'll tell you probably some of the most profound advice I was ever given was to not repress a feeling that I was feeling.
24:56
SPEAKER_01: And to allow yourself to feel it, because when you do that with the active intention of feeling it and letting it go, you know, it'll pass and you can actually move through that stuff.
25:07
SPEAKER_01: And I'll tell you before, I I was that typical, I'll be as stoic as I can.
25:13
SPEAKER_01: And all of that repressed stuff just comes out, you know, in health issues and relationship challenges and you know, and fuzzy memory, like you name it, our our our body truly does keep the score.
25:26
SPEAKER_01: And so being able to let it go is part of that getting out of being unstuck.
25:30
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, Craig, there's a great book that you just mentioned by Vandercluck called The Body Keeps the Score.
25:36
SPEAKER_02: It's a great book.
25:38
SPEAKER_02: So, what should we watch out for?
25:40
SPEAKER_02: What are some of the watch outs on in this vision stuff?
25:45
SPEAKER_00: Well, it's what looking right on the card, right?
25:48
SPEAKER_00: They're easy for you.
25:48
SPEAKER_00: It's vision's a higher brain function.
25:51
SPEAKER_00: It takes time to create a clear future, and not everyone's ready to do it right now.
25:54
SPEAKER_00: So be patient with them.
25:55
SPEAKER_00: You may spend have spend multiple times talking about this.
25:59
SPEAKER_00: Come back, go back and think about it, talk to others.
26:01
SPEAKER_00: What are some things you're naturally good at?
26:03
SPEAKER_00: Let your client have some fun with hopes and dreams.
26:06
SPEAKER_00: Let them have fun.
26:07
SPEAKER_00: Let them do not be the dream killer, do not be the dream buster.
26:11
SPEAKER_00: You are not the person.
26:13
SPEAKER_00: That's not your job in any way, shape, or form.
26:15
SPEAKER_00: Don't be the dream buster, you know?
26:17
SPEAKER_01: Love that.
26:18
SPEAKER_02: Recently, last month, we celebrated the 15th year anniversary of the Orange Tuffle Bag Initiative.
26:24
SPEAKER_02: And that's the nonprofit I created when I wrote that book, The Orange, My Orange Tuffle Bag.
26:29
SPEAKER_02: And one of the things we do, we focus with at-risk kids to help them change their trajectory of their lives.
26:35
SPEAKER_02: And one of the things we do is we teach them to have a plan A, a plan B, and a plan C.
26:42
SPEAKER_02: And let's say a kid's in foster care, they've been placed seven times, they're 17 years old, they don't have more than a ninth grade education, and they want to be a pediatric neurosurgeon.
26:54
SPEAKER_02: Well, that's great.
26:55
SPEAKER_02: I don't want to I don't want to keep that from happening.
26:58
SPEAKER_02: That that's a good plan A.
27:00
SPEAKER_02: But there's a lot of ground to cover.
27:02
SPEAKER_02: And so we we don't want to stifle that, but we want to encourage it, right?
27:07
SPEAKER_02: But we also want them to have a plan B.
27:09
SPEAKER_02: A plan B might to get your GED and then go to a trade school and become a nurse, maybe a pediatric, pediatric specialist to help with those kind of things.
27:21
SPEAKER_02: But that's gonna require a whole lot of work and a whole lot of a whole lot of effort.
27:26
SPEAKER_02: And then, and that's the plan B maybe.
27:28
SPEAKER_02: If you're not gonna be a neurosurgeon, maybe you could be a pediatric nurse.
27:32
SPEAKER_02: And then and then plan C would be, you know, my realities are too, the those gaps are too big, and I'm just gonna get my GED and I'm gonna learn how to take care of kids, and I'm gonna work in a daycare and give kids love and care.
27:47
SPEAKER_02: It's going through the scenarios, the possible pictures based on your current reality that can be helpful.
27:55
SPEAKER_02: And and you'd be surprised at how many of these kids have gone on to get you know high school degrees, college degrees, doctorate degrees, they're med at their doctors, they're in the law school.
28:07
SPEAKER_02: Like it's it's unbelievable because we in the last 15 years, we've had thousands of young kids go through these programs, our our coaching program, our 12-week coaching presence.
28:18
SPEAKER_02: Uh, I you know, hello, it's a coaching program.
28:20
SPEAKER_02: It's our director coaching program.
28:22
SPEAKER_02: And it's remarkable the results that these kids have been able to accomplish in their lives just by advocacy and coaching.
28:30
SPEAKER_01: You know, we're we're going through, you know, as as you guys know, in our home, we've got an additional child with us who's 17.
28:37
SPEAKER_01: And the gap between where she should be at her grade level and where she's actually at, it was hugely substantive.
28:46
SPEAKER_01: Hugely.
28:47
SPEAKER_01: And so we had to have exactly the conversations you're having, Sam, in real life, you know, with with someone that that we love and care for.
28:55
SPEAKER_01: And and the same kind of conclusion, like it seems to make sense, given where everything's at, that we continue that path, but recognize the gaps there, and before we take the next leap up, we've got to close the gap at that point.
29:10
SPEAKER_01: But if we tried to shift plans, that just becomes too big and too overwhelming, right?
29:15
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we call that we call that realistic optimism, yeah, which is the way you win.
29:21
SPEAKER_02: Like if you it's the way you survive, realistic optimism.
29:24
SPEAKER_02: You know, in the death camps in Nazi Germany, the optimists died first, the pessimists died second, and the ones that survived were the realistic optimists who believed inside their in their soul that they needed to survive and that they would win, they would prevail eventually, and to tell the story.
29:43
SPEAKER_02: It's the realistic optimism.
29:44
SPEAKER_02: I hope that doesn't sound like we're peeing on everybody's parade of if you could be anything, what would you be?
29:50
SPEAKER_02: But like we need to have a sense of reality and realism based on our circumstance.
29:56
SPEAKER_02: Not that it can keep us down, but let's get to one level and then the next and then the next.
30:02
SPEAKER_02: We grow line upon line, not gigantic cliffs jumping from one mountaintop to another.
30:08
SPEAKER_02: You got to do a lot of work in between.
30:11
SPEAKER_01: Yep.
30:11
SPEAKER_01: And those are exactly the conversations that that we're having, is you're right.
30:16
SPEAKER_01: Like this person is very intelligent, very creative.
30:20
SPEAKER_01: You know, the the gaps, unfortunately, were created by life circumstances, you know, as we talked about.
30:26
SPEAKER_01: And that's nobody's fault.
30:28
SPEAKER_01: But we have to actually say that's a realistic aspect of what's happening today.
30:32
SPEAKER_01: That is a current state reality.
30:34
SPEAKER_01: Now, as we paint the future state, we just say, let's acknowledge where we're at today, knowing where you want to go, and knowing what it's going to take to kind of get there.
30:44
SPEAKER_01: And then, you know, we talk about the seven C's lots.
30:47
SPEAKER_01: We really go into that co-creation aspect.
30:50
SPEAKER_01: You know, where are you seeing yourself?
30:52
SPEAKER_01: How do we help you get there?
30:53
SPEAKER_01: What's going to happen?
30:54
SPEAKER_01: And we know along that journey, it's there's going to be lots of bumps and ups and downs.
30:59
SPEAKER_01: And you know, we just sign up for that ride because we're there to help, we're there to guide, we're there to coach, even though you know we're acting as parental roles as well.
31:08
SPEAKER_02: If you would have told me when I was eight years old that I'd have the life that I'd live that I'm living now, I would have never believed that.
31:14
SPEAKER_02: Can you imagine?
31:15
SPEAKER_02: There's no way.
31:16
SPEAKER_02: I couldn't even comprehend it.
31:18
SPEAKER_02: I was just trying to eat, I was just trying to find damn food and have a place to sleep.
31:23
SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, it's remarkable what incremental improvement can get you over time.
31:29
SPEAKER_02: Yep.
31:32
SPEAKER_00: You know, I I we so appreciate you all being so generous with your time to listen to this podcast and participate.
31:39
SPEAKER_00: We hope there's something of value here.
31:41
SPEAKER_00: As we wrap this up, I think about an old saying I heard years ago that says, no one can go back and make a brand new start, but anyone can start now and make a brand new ending.
31:53
SPEAKER_00: And that's really what you're going to help people do as a coach.
31:56
SPEAKER_00: You're going to help them create the endings they'd like.
31:58
SPEAKER_00: We're not saying you can be anything you want to be, but we're sure saying you can't do it if you think you can't, right?
32:02
SPEAKER_00: So we're getting help people get a picture of it.
32:04
SPEAKER_00: And in the next podcast, we'll talk about the next three steps in this clearing conversation to help really people break out and move forward.
32:14
SPEAKER_00: So, hey, thanks for being with us.
32:16
SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
32:17
SPEAKER_01: Thanks, everybody.