Latest / Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud / S2 Ep3: When to Speak Up and When to Step Back 🤣

Transcript

S2 Ep3: When to Speak Up and When to Step Back 🤣 · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't like that when we first got to the neighborhood.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: When we first got to the neighborhood, the hottest beef on the block were two businesses that were at war with each other.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: It was a health food store and a bagel shop.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: And the health food store started selling bagels.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I said.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the thing, they could have sold their bagels in secret.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: That would have been the respectable thing to do.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: But they put out a sign.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Right, and the sign said, we sell organic bagels.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: So the bagel shop put out a sign.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: And their sign said, there's no such thing as organic bagels.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: I saw that.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, the block is hot.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's hot in these streets.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: My favorite thing is like people still, no matter how crazy it is in New York, people still want to come to New York.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: They still want to come, people dream of coming to New York.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: They always tell me it's my dream of going to New York City.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: And like, and we know why.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: New Yorkers, we know why.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: You want something crazy to happen.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: You want to see something wild.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: You want your weird New York story.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: I always tell them, come, it'll happen.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: We aim to please.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: The homeless will always provide.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry, the unhoused cupcake?
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: Cupcake?
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: I realize that that's our PC term now is unhoused.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: And look, I was an English major in college.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm down to play with language.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: Let's do this.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: Well, we can talk about unhoused, can't we?
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's goofy.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'll tell you why.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: Number one, that's the same word.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: You can't convince me otherwise.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: I have a thesaurus.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: You ain't gonna lie to me.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: And two, it sounds worse.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: Homelessness sounds like a situation that could not have been prevented.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: Unhoused sounds like somebody just rolled up on them.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: And was like, I'll be taking this.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: And no more house for you.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: The second I heard it, I was like, what an elitist privileged way of describing a situation, right?
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: You can hear it right away.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: Did you hear about Janice?
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: She was recently unhoused.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: That's the kind of word that is only used to make the speaker of said word feel better about acknowledging a situation they know nothing about.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: It just makes them uncomfortable to acknowledge it, so they created a word as a buffer, but there's no progress in that word.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: There is no help in that word.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: And if you've ever lived in that situation, then there are a bunch of words you would have used instead of that word.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like I was shocked.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: There was like nobody thought of nomad.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's my first choice.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: Can you imagine you roll up on a homeless person?
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: What up, my nomadic brother?
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: Way to stay off the grid, man.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: I too am anti-establishment.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: Some of the words, honestly, some of the changes, I'm okay with.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: Some of the changes I think are pretty brilliant.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: I know a lot of people are upset with all the PC language, but I find it kind of entertaining.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like, did you know on social media now they're calling smoking weed gardening?
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, it makes me sound so much more productive.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: I've been gardening all day.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: Gardening helps me deal with people.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it doesn't matter how crazy New York gets, it's still a vibe.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's still a city that has its energy.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: Man, when you think about it, even when COVID hit, we were the epicenter.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: Even COVID came through, like, look, New York is lit.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: COVID was like, if I can make it here, I can make it anyway.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: Lived its best life.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: I remember when they released us um from COVID captivity.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: We got rid of that six feet of personal space, day one.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: Day one, it was gone, man.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: We couldn't wait.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: I know because I got on the subway, and within two seconds, I had a guy this close.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: Right in my face, like that.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, sir, we're the only two people on this train.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: Feel like there's a lot of options you're not taking.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: But where are you trying to go?
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: I thought he was lost for like a second.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe he thought I was the map.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: COVID was like a universal trauma that we all shared.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: What a crazy time.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody's life changed.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: Things changed for people.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: I became a mom during the pandemic.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: I had a baby.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: Which is wild.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, most of you.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I realize I get a different response depending on like lifestyle-wise and generationally, like who's in the crowd.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like if it's older people or people with kids, they'll be like, woo-hoo, you made a person.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: But like young single people, y'all be like, I see all your trauma come up to the surface.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I said, I'm a mom, not your mom.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't do it.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: But I get it, because we're having different conversations now, right, about parenting.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: Right, we're getting into it, man.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: Parenting conversations are changing, and they should.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: We have some archaic views on parenting that I really think need changing.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like the belief that it makes or breaks you as a woman to have a baby.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: No, it doesn't.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to have a baby, have a baby.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: You don't want to have a baby, don't have a baby.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's nobody's business.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's ridiculous to think it's anybody's business but your own.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: But I will tell you this: anytime I've met a woman that doesn't want kids, that is the first thing she wants me to know about her.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: The second she finds that I'm a mom, she's like, I don't want kids.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: Cool, I wasn't offering.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: I was talking about my favorite subject, which is me, and then you interrupted me with some you, which I did not request for this.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: But I respect it.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: I respect it when a woman knows she doesn't want to have kids.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: I do.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's a good thing to know about yourself, and I think a lot of people would have been spared bad relationships with their mothers had they known they didn't know what they were doing or feel like they wanted to do it even in the first place.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I wish more people were that aware.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's a bummer, I'm not gonna lie.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'll meet a person who's a really good human being and they don't want to have kids, and I'm like, damn, I really wish you did.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: Because I wish there were more people like you.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: And then sometimes people be like, I don't want to have kids, and I'm like, that's probably the best for everybody.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think you should have house plans.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't even know if you know how to love, bruh.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: We're having these different conversations that I feel like are so important because we're talking about things that definitely people that grew up in certain generations never heard of.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like we're talking about toxic parenting.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: Right, we never heard that growing up.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: And let me tell you something.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like I said, I'm Puerto Rican, I guarantee you nobody's cornered the market on toxic parenting.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like Latino parents.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: Man.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, look at us trauma bonding.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: It hurts so bueno, doesn't it?
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'm telling you, man, we put the tra in trauma.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: That was us.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: That was all us.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: Just Alma, we spiced it up.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: That's why we have to talk about stuff like toxic parenting, because a lot of us didn't even realize we had toxic parents until we looked over our childhoods with today's guidelines.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: I thought I was safe.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, nah, I love my parents.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: My parents love me.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: What's that?
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, they hit me.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: Every day.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: But only when I was doing kid stuff.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: Let me see that list real quick.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: Let me look real quick.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: So all the information they know now about raising kids, and I was like, oh no.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: I need so much therapy.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like, that's wild.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: I hope there's a punch card.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: Trying to explain therapy to Latino parents.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: Look at that.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: Look at that.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: Look at that.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: That hit you right in the trauma, right there, man.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, I cannot sanasana away depression.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: Not how that works.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't know what sanasana is, allow me to explain.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: For those that don't know, Latinos have this thing that we say when like little kids get hurt.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's a little rhyme, make them feel better, you know what I mean?
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: Sana sana, colita de rana, sino sanazoy, sanaras mañana.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: You're all healed.