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How can I say no at work without damaging relationships? · Wellbeing Solutions - Ask A Counsellor

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: How can I say no at work without damaging relationships?
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: No can be such a difficult word to say at the best of times.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: It seems to trigger our fear of disappointing or letting others down.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: And usually that's what makes it so hard to say.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes our internal beliefs link saying no with beliefs that others may see us as not being capable enough, not committed enough, or not caring enough.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: No is such a small word, two letters.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: And as one of my favourite phrases no is a sentence.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: Just a full stop at the end.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: So there's no justification needed.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: It describes it perfectly.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: No is a word in itself.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: But how is it that we often feel like we need to justify our no?
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think justifying a no is a sign of anything other than you don't want to disappoint people, so you're softening the no.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: So you can justify it to help your the person asking something of you to give them context to understand why you're saying no.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: So the no itself can feel less negative, defiant, or unreasonable.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: When saying no in a work context and in other areas of your life, you can always think about the option of buying yourself time before you say no.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: So sometimes you know, if you're put on the spot, you find it harder to say no.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: So try and buy yourself some time, and some of the below phrases or responses can give you an idea of how to do this.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: So by you know, checking and taking your time, you avoid overcommitting or double booking, and then later on disappointing people.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: So some of my responses are so especially to delay, can I look at my schedule and get back to you?
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not sure, but I think I'm not here for that.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Can I confirm with you later?
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: Well, oh, thanks for asking, and I appreciate you considering me.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: However, I've made prior commitments which I cannot change.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: Oh no, sorry, is I've been asked to do something else by someone else at that time.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: So there are a few statements, though they're soft no's.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you always gauge who's asking and you know uh other like the environment and the situation, so you do have to gauge it.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: But there's some good starting statements.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: Use a gentle, polite, but firm tone of voice because if you sound a bit unsure, oh I'm not sure, or apologetic, it can then open the door to persuading you to say yes when you don't want to.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: So no is our friend, and it helps us to maintain or enforce boundaries, and we do this so we can protect our time and energy and give our best to the commitments we do make.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: No can help us to be reliable and consistent.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: So there are many benefits to saying no, or alternatively, delaying saying yes straight away.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: So I encourage you to practice saying the word no to yourself in a mirror.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, it may feel strange, but it might it will get easier the more you do it.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: So I hope this has been helpful and thank you for listening.