Latest / DidiLawren / Things We Do For Love That Breed Resentments

Transcript

Things We Do For Love That Breed Resentments · DidiLawren

• 0:31
  Hello and welcome back to my channel.
• 0:33
  I am Lorenzo who differ and this is burnt with lorenza, on did
• 0:37
  Lauren TV. Please Subscribe, like share and
• 0:41
  also click on a nice vacation bail to get notified, anytime I
• 0:45
  post new content. So, for today's episode, I want
• 0:48
  to talk about the things we do for love, especially the things
• 0:53
  ladies do for lows. So there's this lady on Twitter,
• 0:57
  she came out and she said that she Complaining bitterly about
• 1:01
  her past relationship. She said she was in school
• 1:04
  dating this guy and he was, I think it was out of school, so
• 1:09
  he was trying to start up a business, and he approached her
• 1:14
  because apparently she's from a rich home, so he approached and
• 1:17
  she said, well, you have to help me.
• 1:19
  I need some money. I need to even start of
• 1:22
  something, but capital, I am not.
• 1:26
  I don't have all the money in place to start of the business.
• 1:29
  So, So she took her one-year school fees, she gave it to him,
• 1:34
  she borrowed some other money, she gave it to him.
• 1:38
  Okay, the relationship was going good.
• 1:40
  He started a business, the business became successful,
• 1:44
  ladies and gentlemen, she came online and she was complaining
• 1:47
  that he is not married to another woman while she is stuck
• 1:52
  with the death that she's paying and she's still trying to
• 1:56
  recover from the whole brokeness line Factor, She's Tight.
• 2:00
  And she cried before she typed because she just saw you know,
• 2:04
  how you're stalking your ex, don't know why.
• 2:06
  Anyway, she was doing that. She went to his page and she saw
• 2:10
  that he's married with Children now and she said she just broke
• 2:13
  down. She was crying.
• 2:15
  I mean it is sad. It is sad, we've all been there
• 2:18
  we've all done some things that we could wish we take back all
• 2:22
  the things that we could have done better when when
• 2:25
  relationship and one of the things I have come to realize.
• 2:29
  is, is that a lot of women, a lot of Nigerian women they would
• 2:34
  rather Yeah, husband or their partner, be successful or even
• 2:39
  your boyfriend be successful rather than pay themselves.
• 2:45
  So, let me just give you an example.
• 2:48
  A friend of mine called me already friend, I don't somebody
• 2:53
  close to me. Let me put it that way.
• 2:55
  I was trying to get out to get busy to do certain things and
• 3:00
  you know, it shows off to school.
• 3:01
  She was not. And I knew, you know, this
• 3:04
  person, she could Somebody that loves.
• 3:07
  She loved fashion, she loved her, she loved makeup.
• 3:10
  And I thought I felt I could do something with this person
• 3:14
  because then I was trying to start up a company.
• 3:16
  He had company and I was trying to kind of get a partner to help
• 3:21
  me because she was in Nigeria. So I was thinking, you know,
• 3:25
  hair makeup, you know, these are Big Business in Nigeria and I
• 3:29
  was looking for somebody to partner with to do that
• 3:32
  business. So I call this very close Rose.
• 3:37
  You know, of mine and I said, can we do something together?
• 3:43
  I'm happy to supply this whole theme, you know, Market them,
• 3:47
  create websites, do all these things.
• 3:49
  I just need to have somebody on ground in Nigeria to help with,
• 3:55
  you know, the marketing and the market giving grounds in the
• 3:59
  markets in Nigeria. And she was like, okay, she was
• 4:02
  going to get back to me a few weeks later.
• 4:05
  She came back to me and she said, Wow.
• 4:07
  That's um, she talked to her boyfriend.
• 4:10
  This was not even her husband. She told me she talked to her
• 4:13
  boyfriend and the boyfriend said he had a better idea to start up
• 4:17
  a business that that money that we used to, you know, purchase
• 4:22
  all this hair or that money that was going to invest in that hair
• 4:26
  business, that I should give her boyfriend for her boyfriend to
• 4:31
  invest in his own business. I was like I was shocked.
• 4:38
  First of all, I was kind of shocked because if it was a
• 4:41
  husband it would have been a totally different story.
• 4:44
  But this was a, but was watchword because they've broken
• 4:49
  up now. This was a boyfriend and I was
• 4:54
  like, what, like what is wrong with you?
• 4:57
  What is wrong with you doing a business?
• 4:59
  What is wrong with you succeeding on your own?
• 5:02
  Why do you want to use this money to set up somebody that
• 5:07
  You're dating. It's not like you married.
• 5:10
  This person is not like he's paid your bride price.
• 5:13
  Why do you want to invest in another human being?
• 5:17
  When you yourself your job less, you're not doing anything.
• 5:22
  I am just trying to to honestly get somebody on ground to
• 5:27
  partner with. And she was like well that you
• 5:31
  know she just were his success is has success.
• 5:36
  That was how that because I just I couldn't do it.
• 5:40
  I was boiling at that point, I just caught up the call.
• 5:44
  I was like, listen since you want to go with your boyfriend,
• 5:48
  your boyfriend, you and your boyfriend should go out figure
• 5:51
  out how you're going to make money because you're not going
• 5:53
  to use my own money and give your boyfriend that I don't even
• 5:56
  know to start up a business. So that was how that
• 6:00
  conversation went. A lot of people have been in
• 6:03
  this situation. I think one of the major reason
• 6:05
  is because You know, if you see we talked about successful
• 6:09
  women, if you are successful men, I intimidate General
• 6:14
  management. Let me just put it because this
• 6:16
  we're talking about Nigerians now.
• 6:18
  My dear Amanda intimidated by your success.
• 6:21
  Not every desire. I'm not generalizing.
• 6:26
  Some of them are intimidated by your success, and this is the
• 6:30
  reason why a whole lot of women, they don't want to attain
• 6:33
  success. You see a married woman, After
• 6:36
  you service, she is not looking actively looking for job for
• 6:41
  herself. She would be running
• 6:44
  helter-skelter from Pillar To Post looking for a job for her
• 6:49
  husband who is sitting down at home watching football and and
• 6:55
  the rest of them. So, we need to start changing
• 7:00
  our mindset. We need to start thinking that,
• 7:02
  okay? Yes, you can be successful in
• 7:05
  your own you Be successful in your own right?
• 7:08
  The former regime and that his horse sling and trying to
• 7:11
  succeed. Yes, pray for him, pray for him.
• 7:17
  Okay, out, I take that back. I totally, I am not saying don't
• 7:23
  pray for you man. I'm not saying don't pray for
• 7:25
  your husband, pray for your husband.
• 7:27
  Now the reason why I'm going to take that back is because if a
• 7:31
  friend of mine, she's a, she knelt down.
• 7:35
  She was doing. Hi Priya.
• 7:37
  She was kneeling down praying because at that point he was
• 7:40
  looking for job. He was trying to, you know, find
• 7:43
  gets a good job in Nigeria which you know, as we all know is it's
• 7:47
  not easy. So he was doing something but
• 7:50
  not the kind of job that he wanted to do.
• 7:52
  So she said she's right, midnight prayer, she was
• 7:55
  praying. She said, the last one she did
• 7:58
  was that she knelt down. She was naked.
• 8:01
  She knows down and said, God, all the blessing that you're
• 8:04
  going to bless me with. Bless my husband.
• 8:10
  Did you hear that prayer? She said, every blessing that
• 8:14
  you're going to bless me with blood give it to my husband
• 8:19
  because I know once he's okay, I will Bill key and subsequently
• 8:25
  the kids are going to be okay. She made the sprayer.
• 8:29
  See the universe. Forget about God energy you know
• 8:34
  listen there are energy. Sometimes, don't you talk God.
• 8:38
  God God I said forget about. Old.
• 8:40
  There are certain things that you start thinking about.
• 8:44
  And the next thing, you look at the internet's, you know, you
• 8:49
  start thinking about, you know, I want to buy this bag.
• 8:53
  And the next thing you see, on your feet, that bag will be
• 8:56
  appearing on your feet. That is how energy is.
• 9:00
  If people are going to understand that a lot of would
• 9:04
  be fine, she made this prayer and almost, you know,
• 9:07
  immediately after a couple of weeks the husband Encoder to say
• 9:11
  that I've gotten a job, be very good job, he started working, he
• 9:14
  became very successful. But this person is now looking
• 9:18
  at this lady as a failure, you know, she said the way he looks
• 9:24
  at her like she doesn't even have a brain, she's not
• 9:27
  resentful. She is now thinking I prayed all
• 9:30
  this prayer for you. I knelt down for you and this is
• 9:34
  how you treat me, resentment comes in even if she had not
• 9:40
  That Priya and he's acting this way.
• 9:42
  I don't think she would, she would be that betta, the way she
• 9:46
  is. I called her.
• 9:47
  And I said, listen, if it was somebody else dies in the
• 9:50
  situation that you are in at the moment.
• 9:53
  What would you tell that person? Because I couldn't even see
• 9:58
  anything. I didn't want to say something
• 10:00
  that would later backfire. I don't want to say anything
• 10:06
  that little backfire me. So I said, listen, let me put it
• 10:09
  this way. If I I was your friend and I
• 10:11
  came to you and I told you all these things that is happening,
• 10:16
  what would you won't be advice to me?
• 10:19
  She said that she would tell me that you tell me that you.
• 10:22
  I said then start applying those things.
• 10:24
  You don't have to wait for somebody to advise you sitting
• 10:27
  down in front of a mirror on advice yourself.
• 10:30
  You need to get back. You need to start doing things.
• 10:33
  You need to stop praying for your husband has happen for
• 10:35
  yourself, stop praying for that. That sucks.
• 10:38
  I'm not saying take back the success.
• 10:40
  You need to stop praying for yourself.
• 10:42
  In the case of this lady that I'm talking about on Twitter.
• 10:45
  She is not even married to she did.
• 10:48
  She was just dating. This guy should not even marry
• 10:50
  this guy before, she did all these things for him.
• 10:54
  And now, he's married to somebody else who is, and who is
• 10:57
  enjoying everything that she had labored for.
• 11:01
  Now, let me put it very clear, that men and women go through
• 11:06
  this. In fact men go three more More.
• 11:11
  I think because, you know, a man is expected to do these things
• 11:15
  for women. This is why even if we're
• 11:19
  hearing about it, we don't really see it as a bad thing
• 11:23
  because when she's made a statement online, a lot of
• 11:26
  people were citing examples of where men train women in school
• 11:32
  and how everything turned out. A guy came out and said, listen
• 11:37
  women, I win worlds in situations like this Is he give
• 11:41
  an example where he friend of his was dating somebody in the
• 11:46
  university and she did not, she's not like that
• 11:50
  intelligence, or she was not really studying hard.
• 11:54
  So there was a particular exam that she came to him and said,
• 11:58
  because he was kind of a year ahead of her.
• 12:01
  So she came to him and she said, please help me with this.
• 12:04
  Cause you passed with flying colors.
• 12:06
  I just need you to help me out. So the guy decided to help his
• 12:12
  big. He went to the exam Hall.
• 12:15
  He thought he could beat the whole, you know why you have a
• 12:18
  whole lot. Like, you know, this who like
• 12:21
  101 something. So at that point, there are
• 12:24
  loads of students in a hole so you can't really pinpoint.
• 12:28
  Who is who, especially when they are hundreds of them.
• 12:31
  Let's say you are in 100 level and you know, how that whole is
• 12:35
  going to look like. So he felt that he could be
• 12:39
  star. So he was writing the example
• 12:42
  unfortunately, for him the lecturer was not supposed to be
• 12:45
  supervising that they bought for some reason, he came to
• 12:49
  supervise that exam and he recognized him.
• 12:53
  He was like, are you know, this person that person do you want
• 12:57
  to? I'll a school authorities in
• 13:00
  order not to rusticating from the school, so he decided to
• 13:05
  keep quiet after the exams. He not only filled the hell.
• 13:10
  He because the guy also have like other courses that he was
• 13:14
  doing at the next level. K ensure that the guy filled two
• 13:18
  of those courses and then the go carried over that course which
• 13:22
  she wrote the next year she passed.
• 13:25
  But because he was now writing to causes, he was still in
• 13:29
  school, the girl graduated and in this guy, this man was not
• 13:34
  just failing him but he decided to just keep him in school do
• 13:40
  Teach him a lesson. I don't know how long he was
• 13:43
  planning on, keeping the guy in school, but this girl rootstock
• 13:47
  holes past went for you NYSC. That was when she met her
• 13:51
  husband, they got married. As he was, he was still in
• 13:56
  school, trying to finish that course.
• 13:58
  When she went for her honeymoon. So the man was explaining that,
• 14:03
  you know, it's not just women that go through this men.
• 14:07
  Also go through this, there are so many that It's good friend, a
• 14:12
  girl in school, they will meet somebody, maybe they are not
• 14:14
  educated and then they will feel that they want the mother of
• 14:18
  their children to be educated. So they can get somebody who is
• 14:22
  not educated. Put that person through school,
• 14:26
  paying school fees, accommodation fees,
• 14:29
  miscellaneous taking care of them sometimes, even taking care
• 14:33
  of their families. Only for these girls who
• 14:35
  graduate and saying we are no longer the same standard or we
• 14:39
  no longer. The same level.
• 14:41
  So it happens both ways, either, man or woman can fall victim to
• 14:47
  these things. People use people, but I think
• 14:51
  my point is before you start doing things for somebody and
• 14:55
  show that you yourself. You are right, you?
• 14:59
  Okay. Before you give somebody fan
• 15:03
  t'ousand and show that you have 10,000 of your own before you go
• 15:07
  and you know, start a business for Buddy and show that you
• 15:11
  yourself have something you're doing so that it will not breed
• 15:15
  resentment because most times why people resent people is
• 15:20
  when, you know, you took everything you have and you give
• 15:25
  somebody and then that person disappoint you or people fall
• 15:29
  out of love, people relationship end.
• 15:32
  But the thing is but just because you gave your all, it
• 15:37
  may not seem a lot but maybe At that point in time, that was
• 15:42
  everything you had and you took that and give wholeheartedly to,
• 15:47
  you know, somebody else only for thinking, you know, this is the
• 15:51
  last post of this is somebody I want to spend the rest of my
• 15:54
  life with. And you wake up on data person
• 15:57
  is telling you you're no longer good enough.
• 16:00
  I have fallen out of love which is no more relationship and
• 16:04
  people out of love. But because of the commitments
• 16:08
  that you gave hundred percent because Was of the financial
• 16:11
  investment, emotional Investments, that you invested
• 16:15
  in this person, you will resent that person.
• 16:18
  It will be very difficult for you to get over that person.
• 16:22
  If you don't have a job, don't want be praying for your
• 16:24
  husband. To get a job, you get a job, he
• 16:27
  should put people should start praying for themselves like you
• 16:31
  and I passed all people. Even by one aspect.
• 16:34
  A pastor to pray for. You new down and pray for
• 16:37
  yourself. I am not saying people should
• 16:39
  not pray for. Partners.
• 16:41
  I'm not saying people should not pray for their boyfriends.
• 16:43
  I'm not saying people should not support financially.
• 16:46
  If you're in a relationship but still going to do that and show
• 16:50
  that you yourself, you're okay in your own, right?
• 16:54
  So that you will not resent. Another person that is all I'm
• 16:58
  saying if you're praying for somebody and sure that you also
• 17:01
  praying for yourself so that tomorrow you will not say, ah, I
• 17:05
  give you my blessings or, you know, I prayed all my prayer for
• 17:09
  you and I I do not pray for myself.
• 17:11
  Pray for yourself. Invest in yourself.
• 17:14
  You can do it. These aren't going to be any
• 17:16
  today's conversation. I just want to say before you
• 17:21
  pray for Somebody. Pray for yourself before you
• 17:24
  invest in somebody, invest in yourself, before you give your
• 17:29
  all land or land or before you give all your love to somebody
• 17:33
  and show that you reserve some for yourself, love yourself or
• 17:41
  Love yourself. Don't just carry on your love, I
• 17:44
  give person and then, you know, you don't have any for yourself
• 17:48
  because if you love yourself, there are certain things that
• 17:52
  you will not go overboard to do because you also put yourself
• 17:56
  into consideration. So please love yourself.
• 18:00
  If you're praying for Somebody, Pray for yourself even investing
• 18:04
  in somebody invest in yourself. What a man or woman.
• 18:07
  This isn't going to be any to this conversation.
• 18:09
  Thank you for stopping by, please like like like like like
• 18:14
  and share. Thank you.
• 18:16
  Bye.