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Why narcissists always feel like they have to One up you · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on beautiful people?
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  Welcome to another episode of the Narcissist Code.
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  I'm your favorite selfaware narcissist Mr. Lee Hammock
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  better known as mental illness across all social media
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  platforms. This is the first time I've seen
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  my face or hear my lovely voice. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist and it's my platform on social media to raise
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  awareness for NPD, get more people into therapy like myself
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  and also validate the victims, survivors and thrivers.
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  Upset disorder, said toxic people said toxic traits.
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  Today's episode is going to be about why do narcissists always
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  have to one up you? Why do they have to one up
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  everything that you say? Why do they why why they need to
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  one up you or to put you down Okay Yeah.
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  Before we happen to this episode y'all make sure y'all are tuning
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  into my Thursday live show Thursday live show waving the
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  red flag with me with Lee Hammock.
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  Your favorites? Upward nurses every Thursday at
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  6:00 PM Pacific Time. 9:00 PM Eastern Standard Time.
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  Check it out, check it out, check it out.
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  Like every every Thursday, this week is about love Bond.
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  Not a love Bond, but this week about trauma bonding words get
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  mixed up. Y'all, but yeah.
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  So let's hop into today's episode really, really quick.
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  The need to one up you. First of all, y'all, you know, a
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  lot of narcissist, if not every single narcissist is going to be
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  insecure in some way, shape or form.
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  That just, yeah, that just kind of comes with the territory.
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  That's part of the dynamic. That's part of the space that we
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  are in right now. When you're dealing with a
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  narcissistic person, narcissist, whatever you want to call them,
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  it's like, understand that you're going to be dealing with
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  a toxic, a toxic person. They just, yeah, that's
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  literally the way it goes. You're going to be dealing with
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  a toxic, narcissistic person. Just prepare for them be super
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  insecure with a big but a huge ego a lot of times.
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  But it's going to be a huge fragile ego.
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  You know, It's going to be a huge fragile ego.
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  So in that space, when you're dealing with a narcissistic
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  person that has a huge fragile ego, get into this dynamic to
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  understand the like. When you have a success or an
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  when you achieve something or you have a success in life or
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  whatever, the the space that you're in, you have a success.
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  You get a promotion, you graduate, something happens in
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  your life for the positive. That narcissistic person is
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  going to play, play the compare and contrast game.
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  Hey, good for you, but I, you know, good for you getting that
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  promotion but I still make more weather than you.
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  Good for you for graduating, but I didn't need a degree.
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  Good for you for losing that weight, but I've always been
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  fit. You see what I'm saying?
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  They will compare and contrast all the time because
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  narcissistic people, y'all we need a damn pick me up.
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  Let's keep it hot and straight. Hot and ready and straight to
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  the point. Narcissistic people absolutely
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  need a pick me up. Like when we are low on
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  validation and self validation is like narcissist is.
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  It's really hard for us to validate ourselves.
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  It is extremely hard or damn near difficult or damn near
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  impossible for us to get that type of self validation that we
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  might need. So with it being that difficult,
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  we have to get it. And sometimes we, when the
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  opportunity arises and we need that validation, it's sometimes
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  it's just easier to take it from you.
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  You see what I'm saying? Sometimes it's just easier to
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  put you down than it is to go out here and actually put the
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  work in to be better. Sometimes it's just easier for
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  me to one up you then for you to then it is for me to go out
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  there and actually put the work in to one up you.
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  It's just like I have to put my I have to put myself in the
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  position to make me feel better about a certain situation, you
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  know, and narcissists don't. And I think this is a lot of
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  people get confused on it as well.
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  Narcissists don't just try to want up your accomplishments.
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  A lot of narcissists will try to want up your pain and suffering
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  as well. I call this the Struggle
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  Olympics or the Trauma Olympics. Now your pain and suffering.
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  That narcissistic person has had a pain, a more painful moment, a
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  moment where they suffered more than you have in this specific
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  space right here. They've experienced it more than
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  you have. I'm sorry.
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  Hey, I don't write. Look, I don't write.
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  I don't make the rules. I just enforce them on my
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  YouTube channel, on my podcast. You know, I don't make the rules
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  here. I just enforce them.
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  So they just feel the need to one up you out.
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  You can't. And it's not y'all.
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  Whatever role you play in the narcissist life, whatever
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  relationship you have with them, it doesn't matter.
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  They're going to try to one up you in some way, shape or form.
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  If you're dealing with this specific type of narcissist,
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  like you have a good moment. I'm going to try to one up it as
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  well, like you have a bad moment.
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  I'm going to try to one up it, you know, I'm going to try to
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  say, hey, look, I struggle more, you know, I know you struggle, I
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  know you going through it. But if you think about it, I've
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  actually struggled more than you.
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  You see how they work right there.
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  Like it literally just made it just centered themselves in the
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  conversation to make it seem like their struggle or their
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  battle is more way more, way more worth fighting than yours
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  is. You know, like I say, it doesn't
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  matter if you're if you if you are the child of a narcissist or
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  you or you are the parent of 1, the brother of 1, the daughter
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  or son of 1. You may if you like.
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  It doesn't really matter what role you play, they're going to
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  try to one up you like if it's your parent.
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  Like if you have a narcissistic mom or dad, right, you achieve
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  something big, They either have to one up you or take credit for
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  they have to push you down in order to feel better about
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  themselves in this current situation, in this current
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  predicament, they feel like it's necessary to have them to put
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  you down than it is to actually put the work in.
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  To be better for myself in this situation, in this space, it's a
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  lot better and a lot easier for me to to work on myself in this
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  in this predicament, in this space than it is, you know, is
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  it a lot easier to put you down than it is for me to put the
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  work in. So again, it doesn't matter what
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  role you play in their life, what relationship you have with
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  him. Yeah, it happens in intimate
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  relationships, whether it's your husband or wife a lot.
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  But like I said, it happens in a toxic household as well when
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  you're growing up. So if you have a toxic,
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  narcissistic parent that you're dealing with and you want them
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  to, like I said, and you want to convey your success or your pain
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  or something like that, that look, I hurt my leg and I can
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  barely walk. But you know what?
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  Son or daughter or child, You know what?
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  I hurt my leg back in the day too.
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  And I had to walk the school in the snow buckle, you know, But,
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  you know, tighten up, be better, be stronger.
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  That, like I said, you nothing you as conveyed as nothing you
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  ever do for narcissist will ever be enough.
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  First of all, it's just not going to be enough.
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  Like nothing you do for them will be enough.
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  And like if they can't take credit for your accomplishment
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  or your achievement, they're going to try to one up you or
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  they're going to try to put you down put make it seem like
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  they're going to try to diminish the value of your of yours.
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  And like let's say again it's the ego that comes into play.
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  It's just like I can't now me right now personally, I can be
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  happy for other people. I can celebrate your success.
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  I'm I, I I actively root for people to be successful.
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  You know, that's why I share, you know coming up on my
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  channel, I share so many other people's stuff.
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  I tag people in the videos. I share.
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  I do videos about people and they help boost their stuff over
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  sometimes on different platforms and whatnot.
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  I'm not a hater. Narcissist in your life is
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  probably going to be your biggest hater.
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  They don't want to build you up you because they the more they
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  build you up, the higher you are, the more I got to.
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  They got to turn their damn necks up to look up at you.
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  So I don't want to keep like this, this position right here.
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  If you're watching this, like my neck, I'm standing at the sky
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  right now. My neck hurt after a while.
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  Does my neck me hurt? Let me lower you down and let me
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  bring you down a notch to help my to help me feel better about
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  this current situation. Let me bring you down a notch
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  because I'm hurting, because I'm tired, because I'm feeling
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  certain. Boy, let me bring you down a
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  notch. So you but you.
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  So you. See how that goes all the time.
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  When you deal with narcissistic people, they feel like they need
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  to want up you. Helps me feel better.
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  You know what I mean? It just helps.
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  It helps me feel better when I like I said, because if you're
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  doing too, way too much better than me, it makes me feel bad
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  about myself. Y'all like your success.
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  I have to either one up it or I have to like, I have to make it
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  seem like I'm one up in it. But it also it just helps me
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  feel better because like I go into this pit in my mind.
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  Well, I feel horrible when other people are, you know, I used to,
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  I used to be like when other people were having success or
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  being, you know, being successful and stuff like that.
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  It just like I would feel bad. So I just always have to you
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  know, and they don't always want up you to your face.
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  Sometimes they do it to other people.
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  Sometimes they do. You know sometimes other
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  somebody, somebody else shares your success with the
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  narcissistic person. They can.
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  They can one it up to one it up it one up it to them.
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  It doesn't necessarily have to be you.
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  They the one up and goes to you and they don't have to do it
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  directly to you. They can one up you to your
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  friends and you just see your family members like hey you see
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  hey you see old you know old buddy got that they they get the
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  award for being this and well I would have got that award too if
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  I stayed in school or yeah I deserve that award more than
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  that person does. You know I've got plenty of
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  awards I've got I've got the best awards ever you know I got
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  the biggest and grip, the biggest and best awards in my
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  house. They feel like they just can't
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  celebrate you without like compare and contrast.
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  You know what I mean? It just gets into that space.
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  And then so I said that's why I just like you have to put you
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  like say if you have a one up in our statistic person, you have
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  sure you share your success in accomplishments with someone
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  else before you share them with a narcissistic person because
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  they they are. They can really seriously kill
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  your vibe. When you go to try to share your
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  accomplishments with somebody that should be rooting for you,
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  but they're actively rooting against you, they can really
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  just they can set you off. You know, like you say, you can
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  see how they can make people sad as hell when they're somebody
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  who's supposed to be on their team is trying to drag them down
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  and compete with them in in weird ways.
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  So the only if you're in a relationship with a narcissistic
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  person, this is probably going to be a common theme that you
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  can't have a success without that narcissist having a bigger
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  success or one trying to one up you.
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  You can't have some kind of pain without that narcissist telling
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  you about a a bigger pain that they've suffered in their life.
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  So one up, when I say one up from the ship, it's just not
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  associated with positive things. It can absolutely be associated
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  with negative things as well. Yeah.
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  So you have to be prepared for that.
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  You have to empower yourself because again, at the end of the
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  day, if you don't, the narcissist person is going to
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  think you are okay with these behaviors and they're not going
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  to stop exhibiting these behaviors.
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  They're going to keep doing the same thing over and over and
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  over again because they feel empowered, they feel entitled
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  and they're going to just keep doing it because they get a rise
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  and some of them get a rise from doing it.
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  They ask. They just absolutely do, you
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  know? So empower yourself.
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  Y'all, make sure you like to subscribe to the channel if you
• 11:03
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• 11:06
  Tune into the show on Thursday until this is out peace.
• 11:10
  Thanks for making it to the end of my video.
• 11:11
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• 11:13
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  single video. I do.
• 11:21
  Thank you so much.