Latest / Cry It Out Loud: Navigating Infertility, Miscarriage, Stillbirth, Infant Loss & Pregnancy After Loss / Interview with Tara Lipinski

Transcript

Interview with Tara Lipinski · Cry It Out Loud: Navigating Infertility, Miscarriage, Stillbirth, Infant Loss & Pregnancy After Loss

• 0:06
  Cry It Out Loud, a podcast by Chasing the rainbows with.
• 0:13
  Your host. Bernice Quisenberry.
• 0:23
  This week's episode is with Tara Limpinski, known for being the
• 0:27
  youngest gold medal winner of the Winter Olympic Games in 1998
• 0:31
  for figure skating and is now ATV broadcaster Tara.
• 0:35
  We can't thank you enough for coming on here and opening up
• 0:38
  the dialogue for other infertility and baby loss
• 0:40
  survivors to feel validated, heard and seen welcome.
• 0:44
  Thank you. I'm so excited to be here.
• 0:46
  Great. Well, thank you.
• 0:48
  Yeah. And our purpose today is to
• 0:49
  Share your story with our listeners.
• 0:51
  And for those survivors who are on here who may not know who you
• 0:53
  are, can you share a little bit more about yourself?
• 0:56
  Yes, I am an athlete that won the Olympic Games in 1998 in
• 1:02
  figure skating. And then I moved into my next
• 1:08
  career as a broadcaster and commentator analyst for NBC with
• 1:13
  my partner in crime, Johnny Weir.
• 1:15
  And my most recent title is that of a mom.
• 1:20
  After a long five year infertility journey with
• 1:24
  pregnancy loss, endemetriosis, sort of every obstacle you know
• 1:29
  you could face, we faced, you know, quite a few of them.
• 1:33
  Yeah, absolutely. Well, thanks so much for opening
• 1:35
  up your heart and and sharing that with us and, you know, dive
• 1:38
  in a little bit more. We'd love to hear all about how
• 1:40
  you met your husband and you know your beginning of your love
• 1:43
  story. Yeah.
• 1:44
  So Todd and I met in 2015. He is a director and a producer.
• 1:49
  And I was at the sports Emmys with NBC presenting some Emmys
• 1:55
  and he won one of those sports Emmys.
• 1:58
  And I actually handed him the trophy and we didn't really meet
• 2:03
  that night. But later there was a connection
• 2:06
  where his aunt, Chris Jansing, who works for NBC, emailed me,
• 2:10
  'cause I was living in New York at the time and I was friends
• 2:14
  with Chris, and she said, Oh my goodness, that's my nephew, you
• 2:17
  guys should connect. He lives in LA, 'cause I was
• 2:20
  splitting my time. And that's where it all began.
• 2:25
  Wow. Oh, that's so beautiful.
• 2:28
  Oh, I love it. And you know, being so in love
• 2:31
  and starting to have, you know, when you guys decided to get
• 2:34
  married, starting to have those conversations about wanting to
• 2:37
  have a family. Can you share what it was like
• 2:39
  at the beginning of your journey with that?
• 2:42
  You know, for us we kind of met later in life and got married.
• 2:46
  I was 34 and we really in the beginning just thought, oh, like
• 2:52
  let's have time, just Todd and Tara and not think about kids.
• 2:56
  And that's where we began. And I talk about it on our
• 3:00
  podcast Unexpecting that I didn't really think ahead.
• 3:05
  I didn't know much about fertility and I wasn't really
• 3:09
  planning in the way that we probably should have been, just
• 3:11
  knowing that age is a factor. And we then eventually started
• 3:18
  talking about it and trying to plan it around some of my work
• 3:21
  obligations. You know, I have an Olympic
• 3:23
  Games every two and four years. That's, you know, my main gig.
• 3:27
  So I've got to be there. So we decided to before we even
• 3:33
  started trying. We decided to go through IVF
• 3:36
  just because we thought with our age this is a good way to get
• 3:42
  some indication of if we're OK or not and also be able to have
• 3:49
  that insurance just because we had waited so long.
• 3:53
  So we started the process of IVF before even trying.
• 3:56
  Wow, OK, Yeah. And your podcast, like you said,
• 3:59
  unexpecting and seeing you on the Today show in October, and,
• 4:02
  you know, other shows since. And you?
• 4:05
  It's so powerful 'cause you're opening up the conversation
• 4:07
  around the taboos, the misconceptions of fertility
• 4:10
  loss, but also being open and honest to those that are on the
• 4:13
  journey right now. You know they're feeling like
• 4:15
  they're not alone and isolated. Can you share more on you and
• 4:18
  your husband's five year journey and what it was like, especially
• 4:21
  with the added pressure of being in the public eye?
• 4:24
  For for the two of us, we had kind of kept this to ourselves.
• 4:28
  Obviously our friends, our family, our inner circle knew,
• 4:32
  but we had kept this private and it wasn't something that I spoke
• 4:35
  about publicly until we did the podcast.
• 4:38
  And you know, that can be very isolating.
• 4:42
  Infertility and pregnancy loss in general is is isolating and
• 4:47
  completely life changing and you know, life altering to begin
• 4:51
  with. And I think for us finally being
• 4:53
  able to do this podcast and talk about what our life actually has
• 4:57
  been like, it felt like we were finally sharing the secret that
• 5:01
  we kept for so long. And then also being able to, you
• 5:08
  know, connect with this community that I was already a
• 5:11
  part of. You know, I had a fake Instagram
• 5:13
  account where I would follow all of these people, going through
• 5:16
  their own infertility journeys to make me feel less alone.
• 5:20
  I wasn't interacting with them because I I had a fake account.
• 5:25
  But now it it feels so rewarding and it feels that I'm creating
• 5:30
  these connections and bonds with women and people in this
• 5:34
  community. And that has been the probably
• 5:37
  the most beautiful, the whole thing that's come out of the
• 5:39
  podcast itself. Well, absolutely, because this
• 5:42
  is not a community that you ever want to be a part of.
• 5:44
  You know, it's it's not like you go into this journey, but then
• 5:47
  when you are, it is like the people here, just so beautiful
• 5:51
  and I mean just so selfless and and they understand what you're
• 5:55
  going through and you just feel the sense of connection to them.
• 5:58
  It's really as anyone who's walked in in the shoes of
• 6:01
  infertility or pregnancy loss. You may not know them, they may
• 6:04
  be a stranger, but you definitely have an instant,
• 6:06
  instant bonding connection through that experience, yeah.
• 6:11
  Yeah, agreed. Yeah.
• 6:13
  So your five years of losses, the highs and lows, the at home
• 6:16
  testing, you know, doctor's appointments, procedures, it's a
• 6:21
  lot emotionally, mentally, physically, financially on
• 6:24
  someone. And you know what a couple goes
• 6:26
  through and what are some of the things that you did while you
• 6:29
  were going through it to keep you going?
• 6:33
  You know, it's hard. It's it's just kind of figuring
• 6:36
  out what personally works for you.
• 6:37
  I started therapy, which was really helpful to talk through
• 6:40
  all these feelings, especially when I was experiencing
• 6:43
  pregnancy loss. I worked with a fertility
• 6:45
  acupuncturist, which for me was really great, and anyone in LA,
• 6:50
  I'll shout her out. Danica Thornberry.
• 6:52
  She really was able to help me on this journey, not just
• 6:58
  through the acupuncture portion, which was nice to do and and
• 7:02
  gave me a place to relax for an hour.
• 7:05
  You know that week whether I was getting your treatment, but it
• 7:09
  was a place to talk to someone who is really knowledgeable
• 7:11
  about this field of IVF and infertility.
• 7:15
  She herself had gone through her own infertility journey and it
• 7:20
  was some place that I could release all of those fears and
• 7:25
  also just learn ways to control what I could control, which was
• 7:29
  obviously very little. But, you know, learning patience
• 7:32
  and acceptance and sitting more in the feminine of just letting
• 7:36
  this process sometimes just happen to you and trying to
• 7:39
  control things through, you know, self-care was what she was
• 7:44
  was really able to offer me through her acupuncture sessions
• 7:49
  that I had with her. So I think it really just
• 7:51
  depends on what gives you a little peace.
• 7:56
  What gives you a a little time away from thinking or scheduling
• 8:01
  appointments or doing shots or worrying about next steps.
• 8:05
  Absolutely. And like you said, because you
• 8:07
  have no control during the whole process and it is a lot because
• 8:09
  every month is a constant reminder.
• 8:11
  It's a loss, you know? And as you're going through it
• 8:14
  and everything, it's like, OK, what can you take control of?
• 8:17
  So I love that self-care piece because that is something you
• 8:20
  know, that you can hold on to and make sure that you're doing,
• 8:23
  you know, during this whole thing, 'cause I feel like you
• 8:25
  know, getting lost in yourself, getting lost in the whole
• 8:28
  process, It happens. You lose your identity.
• 8:30
  Almost. Yeah, you.
• 8:31
  Your life becomes infertility and procedures and appointments
• 8:34
  and thinking about what's next or how, how to get through, you
• 8:38
  know, the current failure or loss.
• 8:40
  And you really forget that you're at the center of this?
• 8:44
  Absolutely. No, that's that's wonderful.
• 8:46
  Thanks for sharing that Tara. And you know, one of the most
• 8:49
  heartbreaking and heart shattering things that we hear
• 8:52
  in our daily support groups and our mentorships is when a
• 8:55
  survivor is enduring, you know, years of fertility loss and
• 8:59
  they're on a journey to start a family, their IVF, IUI, whatever
• 9:02
  it kind of looks like for them. And in the end, they don't end
• 9:05
  up with a baby they can't carry their own.
• 9:07
  Like how did you and Todd get to a point of considering
• 9:10
  considering surrogacy and then ultimately making that decision?
• 9:15
  For us, it just naturally happened.
• 9:17
  You know, when we started IVF and we started running into
• 9:20
  issues I and pregnancy loss, I I never thought that surrogacy was
• 9:25
  going to be our journey. It was something that, you know,
• 9:27
  quite frankly, I didn't want to do.
• 9:28
  I wanted to carry my baby and it was something for me that was
• 9:33
  really hard to wrap my mind around.
• 9:34
  But what's incredible is when you go through such loss and
• 9:37
  pain for so many years, you get to the point where you are not
• 9:42
  thinking about the journey or thinking about yourself as much.
• 9:46
  And I think, you know, the pregnancy was really for me, You
• 9:50
  know, I wanted to experience that.
• 9:51
  It's not like my daughter Georgie now will, you know,
• 9:55
  remember days in utero. It was.
• 9:58
  For me. It was.
• 10:01
  It was for me. And I think I finally let that
• 10:06
  little piece go where I realized I'm fighting and I'm delaying
• 10:11
  our life and I'm losing these precious embryos where you know
• 10:16
  we've we lost six embryos that were genetically normal and
• 10:20
  tested. And I think about that daily of
• 10:23
  who they would have been. And I realized, what am I doing?
• 10:28
  I'm doing the same thing over and over again for an experience
• 10:33
  that I want so badly, which I think is definitely fair.
• 10:37
  But it really got to the point after the fourth miscarriage
• 10:40
  where it was physically draining one.
• 10:42
  It lasted a long time. I went through bleeding, which
• 10:46
  caused me to become anemic, which took me a while to figure
• 10:49
  out why I was physically feeling so bad.
• 10:52
  And then I started to worry about myself a little bit,
• 10:54
  where, you know, you usually don't when you're in the throes
• 10:57
  of infertility. You're just thinking about the
• 11:00
  potential baby and you'll do anything.
• 11:02
  You'll do anything and take any medicine that they tell you.
• 11:05
  But it was the first time that I had the, I the thought that was
• 11:10
  just, oh, I hope I'm OK, you know, I hope that physically I'm
• 11:14
  OK. And that sort of coincided with
• 11:18
  us. You know, we had tested almost
• 11:20
  everything over five years. My doctor always says I tested
• 11:23
  you more than any other patient. And they really couldn't find
• 11:25
  anything wrong. So we finally went to
• 11:28
  reproductive immunology, which is usually kind of that last
• 11:30
  step. And we tested and we kind of
• 11:34
  came back for the first time with a result that wasn't great
• 11:38
  and that Todd and I, when they tested our genetics, our it's in
• 11:41
  the weeds. But our HLA, our genetics are
• 11:44
  such that my immune system sees his genetics in the embryo and
• 11:50
  reacts or overreacts. And you know that is why my
• 11:54
  pregnancies from what we can tell And talking to Doctor
• 11:58
  Vidali, who I did this testing with, you know, you never really
• 12:02
  know, right? Like who knows exactly why.
• 12:04
  But all four of our miscarriages were to the T exactly the same.
• 12:09
  I had these rashes. I had the same sort of beta
• 12:13
  number issues and it really was pointing to an immunology
• 12:20
  finding. So there were you know we talked
• 12:23
  to him and there were some treatments like IVIG and and
• 12:26
  immunology drugs that I could take and do a protocol for.
• 12:30
  But I think I was so tired at that point and you know, IVIG is
• 12:34
  is no joke. It's it's a blood product of,
• 12:38
  you know, thousands of people that you're infusing in your
• 12:42
  body weekly. And I just felt at this point
• 12:45
  where I think from the last miscarriage I was thinking a
• 12:48
  little bit more of, you know, we want a family, but I also want
• 12:52
  to be healthy and to to feel like myself.
• 12:58
  So we decided that surrogacy was going to be the the best option
• 13:03
  at that point. Right.
• 13:05
  And you know when you lose a baby, it is so, well, I should
• 13:08
  speak for myself. You know, it was traumatic, you
• 13:11
  know, losing our daughter and and going through that and you
• 13:14
  know, you going through it four times those reoccurring losses
• 13:16
  when they're happening, you know you're grieving and it is so
• 13:19
  difficult like, you know, I just like a pillar of strength like
• 13:23
  to keep going because I mean loss is just horrific as it is.
• 13:28
  And then on top of it, having this journey, you know it is a
• 13:31
  lot. And then to process everything
• 13:32
  that you're getting all this news on top of it.
• 13:35
  Yeah. Loss in general is hard.
• 13:37
  You know anyone who goes through a miscarriage it's it's a pain
• 13:39
  that is so unique. And you know, I I probably
• 13:44
  thought before, oh, miscarriage is sad and awful.
• 13:46
  But I'll be OK. I'll, you know it might feel
• 13:49
  like this. It might just feel sad for this
• 13:51
  reason. But I was not ready for the
• 13:54
  feelings of of a miscarriage and what that felt like and just all
• 13:59
  the sort of spiraling and effects of what a miscarriage
• 14:03
  does emotionally and mentally to you.
• 14:04
  But, you know, then on top of that, once it becomes a repeat
• 14:10
  loss and it continues to happen, there is something that becomes
• 14:14
  very traumatizing about repeating the same loss over and
• 14:20
  over again. And I don't know if I'll ever
• 14:23
  truly, I hopefully I'm healing from all those things.
• 14:25
  But, you know, I don't think I could ever forget or, you know,
• 14:30
  go back to the person I was before, you know, losing those
• 14:34
  five girls and one little boy, you know, that is, you know,
• 14:38
  something that I will kind of carry with me and hopefully heal
• 14:43
  from through therapy and family now, but it is still so
• 14:49
  difficult. It is.
• 14:51
  And it's not talked about. You know, these are like silent
• 14:53
  losses, especially with miscarriage and almost like our
• 14:56
  society doesn't understand, you know how it is, but it's just
• 14:59
  hopes. It's just dreams and then living
• 15:01
  a life because a parent doesn't outlive their child.
• 15:03
  So when that happens, it completely disrupts the whole
• 15:06
  biological timeline and it really does shatter your whole
• 15:09
  entire world it. Does.
• 15:11
  And then you're living through it, you know, silently because
• 15:14
  miscarriage isn't talked about that much.
• 15:16
  Or, you know, it's so great to know that it's common.
• 15:19
  But I think, you know, sometimes people's responses are, oh, lots
• 15:22
  of women go through it, which is true.
• 15:23
  You don't want to feel alone. But it a throwaway comment like
• 15:27
  that doesn't mean that it's still not an intense and
• 15:31
  incredibly painful loss that you're you're actually grieving
• 15:36
  and and I think people just don't understand.
• 15:38
  I mean women and people go back to work, you know, or work
• 15:42
  through pregnancy loss. And you know, I I think that
• 15:47
  that's really difficult and it's probably because people don't
• 15:51
  talk about it enough and it and and how it impacts you
• 15:56
  emotionally, mentally, physically.
• 15:59
  Absolutely. And that's the thing.
• 16:00
  I think it's, you know, generations before us.
• 16:03
  And that's kind of how they were meant to feel when they went
• 16:05
  into their doctor's office and found out they're having a
• 16:08
  miscarriage that, you know, you continue to put one foot in
• 16:10
  front of the other. And well, that's, you know why
• 16:12
  we started the daily support? Because it's like, how can you
• 16:15
  return to everyday life after we just went through and lost our
• 16:18
  baby? Like it doesn't like this, just.
• 16:20
  Can't be make sense, correct? It's just not.
• 16:23
  It's just so it's it's so difficult to wake up and you
• 16:29
  have you you came so close, you already were connecting.
• 16:32
  You already were envisioning and you know especially for us it
• 16:38
  was so you know it took so long. The process takes so long for
• 16:43
  IBF going through retrievals and testing and preparing for a
• 16:46
  transfer. So you get your hopes up so high
• 16:49
  and then you know they come crashing down again and you just
• 16:52
  don't know where to look. You don't know where to turn,
• 16:55
  you don't know what the answer is, and it's it's a very
• 16:58
  hopeless place. It really is.
• 17:01
  And it's that whirlwind of events because you just don't
• 17:03
  even like, like you said, where do I go?
• 17:05
  What do I do? Because you're in the chaos, but
• 17:07
  the world continues to keep moving as you're like right
• 17:10
  here, you know, with it all, you know.
• 17:13
  It's a lot to to take in. So, you know, and I think
• 17:17
  there's so many different aspects of it.
• 17:19
  You know, for Todd, he was there trying to support me.
• 17:22
  But, you know, his life was changing too.
• 17:24
  And everything was on hold and we were just waiting to get into
• 17:27
  this next phase of life that, you know, a baby is not
• 17:30
  guaranteed. So it's it's terrifying when you
• 17:35
  start going through loss and then it it keeps happening.
• 17:38
  You just start to believe, oh, maybe I'm just not meant to be a
• 17:43
  mom. I know, I know.
• 17:45
  And to be in that place, like you said, it's just like
• 17:47
  hopeless and you do you feel like that isolation and then it
• 17:50
  almost gets you to revert back and not talk about, you know or
• 17:53
  open up so. Right.
• 17:54
  You just think, well, I don't, I don't even want to bring this
• 17:57
  up. I don't even want, you know, I
• 17:59
  don't even want to have to have people pity me or wonder what's
• 18:04
  wrong with me, you know, there's there's so many emotions.
• 18:07
  But then at the same time, you need support and it's, you know,
• 18:11
  pregnancy loss is one of those things that I find so
• 18:13
  interesting. And I understand why people keep
• 18:15
  it, you know, to themselves for a while, because having to tell
• 18:21
  people when you do lose a pregnancy is really painful and
• 18:25
  really sad. But it is interesting always to
• 18:28
  me that it's really one of the only medical diagnosis that you
• 18:31
  get. Or sorry, it's one of the only
• 18:34
  things in medicine or you know in science that you you go
• 18:39
  through you you you get a positive frequency test but you
• 18:43
  are expected not to share it until 12 weeks because you don't
• 18:46
  want anyone to know. And it's it's it's so isolating
• 18:51
  in itself of just the way tradition has been with
• 18:54
  pregnancy and what I think, you know, people might feel shame
• 18:59
  about. And you hope that that changes
• 19:02
  where? Where it does become a place
• 19:04
  where you're not afraid to to tell people because you know
• 19:07
  that you'll have the support there and you know that you
• 19:09
  won't feel shame or feel judged anyway.
• 19:15
  Absolutely. And I mean I I really hope that
• 19:17
  as yes we continue on that this does start to really get like
• 19:22
  some light shedded on it, you know between you know our two
• 19:25
  podcasts and and different things, absolutely you know how.
• 19:29
  So what was the surrogacy journey like for you, and how
• 19:32
  did it all happen? One second.
• 19:34
  I'm just plugging this in because I'm losing power.
• 19:36
  Yeah, The surrogacy journey, You know, it was something that I I
• 19:52
  didn't know what to expect. I didn't even know how to go
• 19:54
  about it. I didn't know, you know, how
• 19:57
  does this even work? And it was a learning
• 20:00
  experience, but it really was something that, for me, in the
• 20:03
  end, was one of the more beautiful parts of our journey.
• 20:06
  And it was. Hopeful.
• 20:08
  And there was connection between me and my surrogate.
• 20:12
  And there was the the beautiful, you know, 10 months that we
• 20:18
  journeyed to Georgie together. And I look back now and I wish
• 20:26
  that I went to surrogacy earlier.
• 20:29
  So maybe you know stop down and and and realize that this option
• 20:35
  is, there's no shame around this option.
• 20:37
  This option is if you if you're able to do it, it's it's really,
• 20:41
  it can be really beautiful and it can be the answer or the
• 20:46
  missing puzzle piece to your journey.
• 20:49
  And every day I just think I'm so grateful that I'm able to
• 20:52
  have gone on this journey because surrogacy IVF, it's so
• 20:55
  expensive and we were able to, you know, continue treatment or
• 21:01
  be able to go down the road of a surrogate.
• 21:04
  And for me now, I really am trying so hard to get back to
• 21:07
  the community, whether it's through, you know, companies
• 21:10
  that will give out fertility grants or you know, I'm working
• 21:13
  with Baby Quest right now and we have a Tara Lipinski giving
• 21:16
  campaign where we're trying to raise money for people who need
• 21:19
  IVF treatment or surrogacy. I've worked with Hope for
• 21:22
  Fertility. So we are really trying Todd and
• 21:26
  I to to find ways to help people or couples that you know have
• 21:32
  been on our journey and still want to continue to to try to
• 21:36
  build the family that of their dreams.
• 21:39
  Absolutely. Yeah.
• 21:40
  We tried to do this June World Infertility Challenge last year
• 21:44
  and we did it and we were doing crack and egg because, you know,
• 21:46
  grocery store eggs are infertile.
• 21:48
  And so, you know, you crack an egg on your head for every day
• 21:52
  in June and calling out six people because one in six across
• 21:54
  the world are living with infertility.
• 21:56
  And I think that's the thing, like, you know, it is what's
• 21:59
  happening and you know, it's common that people are living
• 22:03
  and it's like how do you go about it?
• 22:04
  And not all states it's covered in, you know, with health
• 22:09
  insurance and things like. That it's really devastating.
• 22:13
  It's easy to think. I mean, I think it goes along
• 22:15
  with other things in in women's reproductive health, but the
• 22:18
  fact that is a medical diagnosis and this is something that isn't
• 22:23
  covered insurance is just really hard to wrap your mind around.
• 22:28
  It is because any other organ, if it's not working correctly,
• 22:30
  it is covered and this isn't. And it's like it comes down to
• 22:33
  having funding or not having funding to have a family.
• 22:36
  And it's just like it's mind blowing.
• 22:38
  Yeah, I know it's. The most It's the most
• 22:40
  heartbreaking part of it. Of course the loss and the
• 22:44
  failures are devastating, but just not having the hope or
• 22:48
  having the opportunity is even more devastating.
• 22:51
  I know. Absolutely.
• 22:52
  I couldn't agree more. And yeah, and.
• 22:55
  And with that, you know, like you said, you welcomed your
• 22:58
  beautiful daughter Georgie into the world.
• 23:00
  And those emotions, you know, us lost survivors have when we hold
• 23:03
  our rainbow babies for the first time in our arms.
• 23:05
  It's just an unexplainable feeling.
• 23:08
  And do you feel like though your journey, I mean, it shaped you
• 23:10
  as a parent, changed who you are and your outlook on life.
• 23:13
  It just, you know, going through everything to get to Georgie.
• 23:18
  Yeah. I think it's completely changed
• 23:19
  me as a person, as a person, as a parent, as, you know, a wife.
• 23:24
  It's just it's completely turned my life upside down.
• 23:27
  And, you know, I think that I've become a different person over
• 23:31
  the last five years. And some of it is, you know,
• 23:34
  pain that I wish that I I never experienced or, you know, won't
• 23:39
  carry with me for the rest of my life.
• 23:41
  But in other ways, you know, it's brought Todd and I very
• 23:44
  close. We've learned so much about each
• 23:47
  other that we're now bringing those tools into parenthood
• 23:51
  together for our relationship. And I think the biggest thing
• 23:54
  is, you know, the level of gratitude.
• 23:56
  I know that you know probably any person out there listening
• 23:59
  that has a child and has not gone through infertility, they
• 24:02
  would say they're so grateful for their child because of
• 24:04
  course children are these beautiful miracles whatever
• 24:08
  journey you're on. But I do think there is this
• 24:11
  next level of gratitude you feel after long journeys, after
• 24:18
  infertility, IVF treatments, after pregnancy loss.
• 24:21
  And I think that that's something that, you know, at
• 24:25
  this point I'm, I'm, I'm almost enjoying so much because that
• 24:31
  level of gratitude makes parenting for me right now so
• 24:36
  beautiful. No matter how tired I am, no
• 24:40
  matter how loud she'll cry in my ear, no matter how many times
• 24:44
  she poops on me, I'm almost laughing in this delirious,
• 24:48
  tired joy. Nothing about this do I take for
• 24:52
  granted. So I think that, but I am lucky
• 24:56
  for that because I do think, you know, having children is a big
• 25:00
  life change. Your life changes overnight.
• 25:03
  But our life changed overnight five years ago and we didn't
• 25:06
  have a baby. So now I realize how lucky we
• 25:10
  are to have our life be changed in every way.
• 25:14
  So that has been a a really nice positive to, you know, the
• 25:21
  result of the pregnancy loss and infertility.
• 25:27
  Absolutely. Oh, thanks for sharing that,
• 25:29
  Tara. Yeah, I mean, I I just can't
• 25:31
  thank you enough for coming on our podcast, being genuine and
• 25:34
  honest for our listeners on your journey and really opening the
• 25:37
  eyes to others around us with these topics to help survivors
• 25:40
  who are in the thick of it right now.
• 25:42
  Is there anything that you want to share or any advice that you
• 25:44
  want to leave our listeners with?
• 25:46
  I mean, that was great too, what you just shared.
• 25:50
  So I think it's hard to give advice because, you know, I
• 25:53
  definitely didn't know what I was doing and I don't know if I
• 25:55
  have any answers of how to get through pregnancy loss.
• 25:59
  And I think grief is obviously so unique.
• 26:02
  But I would say, you know, for me at least to feel all the
• 26:05
  feelings and go through the the waves that loss and grief
• 26:10
  present itself is probably, you know, so personal and it's okay
• 26:17
  to have all the feelings that you're feeling.
• 26:19
  And I think for anyone just in the midst of a infertility
• 26:22
  journey or pregnancy loss, I I think for me it wasn't even
• 26:26
  advice of how to get through it, but just to feel seen.
• 26:29
  Because I felt so alone and I felt like people really didn't
• 26:32
  understand the pain of pregnancy loss or really repeat pregnancy
• 26:37
  loss, which was the hardest for me, you know, to have so many of
• 26:41
  them. And I think that you know anyone
• 26:44
  listening, you know, I hope they know that at least I see you and
• 26:48
  hear you and know what you're going through and you know, just
• 26:53
  know how incredibly strong you are to be able to pick yourself
• 26:56
  up and and get through this type of pain.
• 27:00
  Because it's it's really not easy.
• 27:02
  And I think like I said, unless you walk down an infertility or
• 27:06
  lost Rd. you don't realize how unique that pain is.
• 27:10
  And then on top of it, as we talk about the isolation, the
• 27:14
  silence around the subject, it really at the end of the day
• 27:20
  it's one of the more, you know, when I look back on getting
• 27:24
  through pregnancy loss, I realize it's probably those
• 27:30
  moments in my life that I think I was the strongest.
• 27:32
  So, you know, and I've been through, you know, an Olympic
• 27:35
  Games and nothing can compare. So really anyone who's listening
• 27:39
  out there just know how strong you are and how proud you should
• 27:43
  be to to be getting through, you know, a journey like this.
• 27:49
  Because it's, you know, I I always feel bad when I say, oh,
• 27:52
  it's unfair, you know, because there's so many unfair things in
• 27:55
  life. But this does really feel unfair
• 27:57
  in the moment and it feels, you know, like someone is
• 28:02
  specifically choosing you to go through this pain.
• 28:05
  And it doesn't make a lot of sense because you just see so
• 28:07
  many people having, you know, fine pregnancies and and.
• 28:13
  All around, All around. And you just wonder, like, what
• 28:16
  kind of Unicorn are they? Like, I don't understand.
• 28:20
  So believe me, if you're in it, I I know, I know all those
• 28:24
  feelings and I'm really rooting for you and and praying that the
• 28:29
  road becomes easier, easier and that you, you know, you find
• 28:34
  your destination wherever that may be.
• 28:36
  And I think sometimes it's not always about, you know, quote UN
• 28:40
  quote, success of a a pregnancy that results in a live birth.
• 28:47
  I think that there's so many people that need to be
• 28:49
  acknowledged too that go down this path and you know, realize
• 28:52
  that this is just not the life that they want to continue.
• 28:56
  And maybe living a child free life is their success.
• 29:00
  And you know, they've learned through their journey that
• 29:02
  that's what they need to do next, to be happy and to live a
• 29:07
  more fulfilling life. So you know, after you go
• 29:10
  through infertility, you you definitely want to try to
• 29:12
  acknowledge all the people out there.
• 29:16
  Oh, well, thank you so much, Tara.
• 29:18
  And it does, it truly means the world to have you here on our
• 29:20
  podcast. I can't, you know, tell our
• 29:24
  listeners enough to go over and listen to The Unexpecting.
• 29:28
  It's a great podcast, speaks open and broadly about different
• 29:31
  stages of infertility. It's just wonderful.
• 29:33
  It's beautiful. So thank you, Tara.
• 29:36
  Yeah. And please follow and share our
• 29:38
  podcast to help us reach as many fertility loss, miscarriage,
• 29:41
  still birth and infant loss survivors as we can with our
• 29:44
  daily support services. So thank you so much for tuning
• 29:47
  in. And thanks, Tara.