Latest / The Parenting Podcast / How Parenting Changed ME! | Ep. 52

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How Parenting Changed ME! | Ep. 52 · The Parenting Podcast

• 1:17
  Cheryl: Happy birthday to us.
• 1:18
  Cheryl: Happy birthday
• 1:20
  Christie: Attv.
• 1:21
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 1:21
  Cheryl: Can you believe it's been a whole year?
• 1:23
  Cheryl: No.
• 1:23
  Cheryl: No, you can't.
• 1:24
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 1:24
  Cheryl: Amazing.
• 1:25
  Christie: In some ways, yes.
• 1:26
  Christie: In some ways.
• 1:27
  Christie: No, it's, It's been fun.
• 1:29
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 1:30
  Ellen: It's gone by fast.
• 1:31
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 1:31
  Ellen: For, and when you printed up all those episodes we did.
• 1:35
  Ellen: I was really shocked.
• 1:36
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 1:36
  Ellen: Reading through all the titles.
• 1:37
  Ellen: Yes.
• 1:38
  Ellen: I
• 1:38
  Cheryl: was really surprised.
• 1:39
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 1:39
  Cheryl: You know, it is amazing.
• 1:40
  Cheryl: I've talked about it having my daughter mentioned, and it's actually been three years, and said, Wow, if you wanna reach parents, you need to do a podcast.
• 1:48
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 1:49
  Cheryl: had no
• 1:49
  Christie: idea.
• 1:50
  Christie: Yeah.
• 1:50
  Christie: Well, I remember when you first presented the idea to a group of us, we were pretty pandemic.
• 1:56
  Christie: I mean, Yeah, that was true.
• 1:57
  Christie: Another life ago.
• 1:59
  Christie: That's why it seems like it's gone
• 2:00
  Danae: by seven
• 2:03
  Cheryl: That's true.
• 2:03
  Cheryl: Oh.
• 2:04
  Danae: And we finally got some treats.
• 2:06
  Danae: We talk about cookies, we talked about all kinds of things, and today, Christy brought us sprinkled cupcake
• 2:13
  Christie: sauce.
• 2:13
  Christie: Else.
• 2:13
  Christie: Can you celebrate a birthday so we're
• 2:15
  Ellen: hyper.
• 2:16
  Ellen: In another 15 minutes you aah.
• 2:18
  Cheryl: Kicked in.
• 2:20
  Cheryl: We had these wonderful candles and nobody had a lighter, so we to sing Happy Birthday Tb B.
• 2:27
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 2:28
  Danae: I'm so thankful that I'm a part of this podcast.
• 2:31
  Danae: Oh, me too.
• 2:32
  Danae: Yeah.
• 2:32
  Danae: Yeah.
• 2:33
  Danae: I did not realize how isolated I had become with all of my studies.
• 2:38
  Danae: Oh.
• 2:38
  Danae: And so Cheryl, when you invited me to come on board and I thought, I don't know.
• 2:43
  Danae: I don't know if I have time.
• 2:44
  Danae: And now it's just one of my favorite times of the week to come.
• 2:48
  Danae: Me too.
• 2:49
  Danae: Talk about the hard things.
• 2:51
  Danae: Of life and of parenting, but also like I did this morning, I was sharing with
• 2:56
  Christie: you
• 2:56
  Danae: a praise report and a celebration with one of my children.
• 2:59
  Danae: So I'm so thankful for all of
• 3:01
  Christie: you.
• 3:01
  Christie: I love it.
• 3:02
  Christie: Feel the same way, just about coming together and you know, at the tail end of kids at home, you think, oh, Parenting is done, but we're still in it.
• 3:12
  Christie: You know, still being developed still.
• 3:14
  Christie: Absolutely.
• 3:14
  Christie: Even our adult kids like we've talked about.
• 3:16
  Christie: And so I just love coming and processing with you guys and learning from you all and being encouraged that hang in there have to be encouraged.
• 3:27
  Christie: Hang in there, it's worth it,
• 3:29
  Ellen: and we just never stop being parents.
• 3:30
  Ellen: Yeah, that's the bottom line.
• 3:32
  Ellen: Mine.
• 3:32
  Ellen: Older, but you know, I'm still a parent.
• 3:35
  Ellen: I have different concerns, Yeah.
• 3:36
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 3:36
  Ellen: you know, that my kids go through as they're fully adults and they're raising children.
• 3:41
  Christie: So, Because life
• 3:42
  Ellen: keeps changing.
• 3:43
  Ellen: It does.
• 3:43
  Ellen: Yeah, it does.
• 3:44
  Cheryl: so, you know,
• 3:45
  Danae: basically this is new to me.
• 3:47
  Danae: Yeah.
• 3:47
  Cheryl: So, And you three are three of the best decisions I ever made.
• 3:54
  Cheryl: you know, Oh, I have just enjoyed this so much.
• 3:58
  Cheryl: I mean, We process when we're doing the episode.
• 4:02
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 4:03
  Cheryl: they don't know the riches of how much we enjoy.
• 4:07
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 4:07
  Cheryl: processing and connecting with each other and yeah.
• 4:10
  Danae: So many times I say, Wait, wait, wait.
• 4:13
  Danae: We need to put that on the podcast.
• 4:15
  Danae: I know you would say, we wish we just kind of traveled around with
• 4:17
  Ellen: the microphone, but the friendship thing.
• 4:20
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 4:20
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 4:21
  Ellen: I think to me that's just making some new friends.
• 4:23
  Ellen: Cuz I didn't know YouTube before.
• 4:25
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 4:25
  Ellen: And just, you know, you kind.
• 4:28
  Ellen: Everything gets stripped away, you know, not just on the podcast, but when we're talking mm-hmm.
• 4:33
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 4:33
  Ellen: We're talking real life to each other and our struggles that we've had and all sorts of different things.
• 4:38
  Ellen: So we've got to be friends faster than maybe just normally meeting once in a while for a cup of
• 4:44
  Christie: coffee.
• 4:44
  Christie: I agree with that because we're sharing really vulnerable parts of our lives.
• 4:48
  Christie: Yeah.
• 4:48
  Christie: And we're talking about parenting and our kids.
• 4:50
  Christie: Yes.
• 4:50
  Christie: And the.
• 4:51
  Christie: That it's changed us.
• 4:52
  Christie: Yeah.
• 4:52
  Christie: With just a
• 4:52
  Danae: few other people eavesdropping, right?
• 4:56
  Cheryl: Oh yeah.
• 4:56
  Cheryl: That part.
• 4:58
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 4:58
  Cheryl: But that is what I appreciate about you all is this vulnerability.
• 5:03
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 5:04
  Cheryl: your willingness, you know, those of you listening to us, it's uh, pretty intimidating sitting before microphone and be genuine.
• 5:13
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 5:13
  Cheryl: because y'all are bringing your real.
• 5:16
  Cheryl: Right here.
• 5:16
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 5:17
  Cheryl: And sharing mm-hmm.
• 5:18
  Cheryl: with the world.
• 5:19
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 5:19
  Cheryl: And we don't come and say, Boy, have we got it all together?
• 5:23
  Cheryl: Oh, no, no, no.
• 5:24
  Cheryl: And that's, that would be easy.
• 5:25
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 5:26
  Cheryl: If we did.
• 5:26
  Christie: And one thing that's neat about talking to moms of all ages is just it Yes.
• 5:31
  Christie: Helps you.
• 5:32
  Christie: Remember the hard Yes.
• 5:34
  Christie: And not look at things as through rose colored glasses all the time.
• 5:37
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 5:37
  Christie: Yeah.
• 5:38
  Christie: Yeah.
• 5:38
  Christie: Um, while celebrating the good and Yes.
• 5:40
  Christie: Yes.
• 5:40
  Christie: Yeah.
• 5:40
  Cheryl: And it's interesting when I was reflecting on this about, you know, a whole year and in the world of podcasting, actually, it's an amazing thing.
• 5:49
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 5:50
  Cheryl: We are getting ready to pass 10,000 downloads.
• 5:54
  Cheryl: Wow.
• 5:55
  Cheryl: Wait a minute.
• 5:56
  Cheryl: That
• 5:56
  Danae: means someone's listened 10,000 times.
• 5:59
  Cheryl: Somebody has listened to us Almost 10,000 times.
• 6:02
  Cheryl: Wow.
• 6:03
  Cheryl: We're headed there.
• 6:04
  Cheryl: But that's to have come from obscurity.
• 6:07
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 6:08
  Cheryl: I thank you listeners.
• 6:09
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 6:10
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 6:10
  Cheryl: It's because of you.
• 6:11
  Cheryl: Yeah So thinking about it, I was saying, What are we gonna talk about?
• 6:16
  Cheryl: And I started thinking about podcasting and parenting and I realized actually they're very similar.
• 6:23
  Cheryl: Hmm.
• 6:24
  Cheryl: Because.
• 6:25
  Cheryl: You can't read a book and watch a video.
• 6:29
  Cheryl: Watch TikTok.
• 6:30
  Cheryl: There's nothing you can do to really learn how to be a parent.
• 6:33
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 6:33
  Cheryl: what's so hard about parenting is you have to parent, Right?
• 6:37
  Cheryl: To be a parent.
• 6:37
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 6:38
  Cheryl: And it happens in real time.
• 6:40
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 6:40
  Cheryl: And you have to be vulnerable.
• 6:42
  Cheryl: And it's hard because you can't go do it in your closet and come out.
• 6:46
  Cheryl: You have to do it with the children on life.
• 6:49
  Cheryl: It's the same thing with a podcast.
• 6:51
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 6:51
  Cheryl: We can't learn to be good at podcast.
• 6:54
  Cheryl: by reading books and watching videos.
• 6:57
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 6:57
  Cheryl: walking to the experts.
• 6:58
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 6:59
  Cheryl: We do that.
• 7:00
  Cheryl: But the way you get better and improve and do what our listeners want is by doing it.
• 7:06
  Cheryl: Just doing it.
• 7:06
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 7:07
  Cheryl: I'd never seen how they were similar.
• 7:08
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 7:09
  Cheryl: Well, they're both
• 7:10
  Ellen: practices.
• 7:11
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 7:11
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 7:11
  Ellen: you know, and you're learning in the process, but you're practicing parenting and you're practicing podcasting, and I think life is his practice, right?
• 7:20
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 7:21
  Cheryl: Well, and so this brings me to the question I'm gonna ask the three of you.
• 7:24
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 7:25
  Cheryl: What have you learned from parenting?
• 7:28
  Cheryl: How has parenting changed you?
• 7:31
  Cheryl: Oh wow.
• 7:32
  Danae: Yeah, Let me count the ways.
• 7:34
  Danae: that's a great question.
• 7:35
  Danae: Um, I think what first comes to my mind is it's really taught me to accept myself for who I am.
• 7:43
  Danae: Yeah, yeah.
• 7:44
  Danae: Mm-hmm.
• 7:45
  Danae: you know, to accept my strengths, which I love to accept those, but then also to accept my weaknesses.
• 7:51
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 7:52
  Danae: So one of the phrases that got me through many hard days is realizing that I am the best mom for my children.
• 8:01
  Danae: Wow.
• 8:01
  Danae: Even in my weaknesses.
• 8:04
  Danae: Wow.
• 8:04
  Cheryl: Wow.
• 8:04
  Cheryl: So Danae mm-hmm.
• 8:06
  Cheryl: open that
• 8:06
  Danae: up for us.
• 8:07
  Danae: Yeah.
• 8:07
  Danae: Yeah.
• 8:07
  Danae: So I had thought that.
• 8:11
  Danae: I am the best mom for my children when I'm doing it.
• 8:14
  Danae: All right.
• 8:14
  Danae: Yeah.
• 8:15
  Danae: When I'm perfect.
• 8:16
  Danae: Mm-hmm.
• 8:16
  Danae: Mm-hmm.
• 8:16
  Danae: you know, when I, whatever that means, whatever that needs, Right, Right.
• 8:20
  Danae: If I would wake up in the morning and, you know, not ever get upset or have the, the most nutritious meals and my kids wouldn't fight, and all of those things, and I could lay my head on my pillow at night and give myself an A plus plus plus plus slash and then my children.
• 8:38
  Danae: You know, got what they needed for the day
• 8:40
  Ellen: and they turn around and say, Wonderful Mother
• 8:42
  Danae: Exactly.
• 8:44
  Danae: And to realize that actually the places in my personality that frustrate my children is actually good for them.
• 8:54
  Danae: Yes.
• 8:55
  Danae: You know, it helps them.
• 8:56
  Danae: We talk here at TPP about, like, our role is to help our children separate from us and become healthy functioning adults.
• 9:04
  Danae: Mm-hmm.
• 9:04
  Danae: Mm-hmm.
• 9:04
  Danae: So if I'm always doing everything perfectly, you know, they're just content and happy and full bellies.
• 9:12
  Danae: Yeah.
• 9:12
  Danae: Mm-hmm.
• 9:12
  Danae: but when I'm not.
• 9:14
  Danae: You know, it gives them opportunity to say, Oh, I don't like it when mom does that.
• 9:18
  Danae: I'm, I'm gonna do something differently.
• 9:21
  Danae: Or, you know, that pushback
• 9:23
  Ellen: happens or they may have a, A boss.
• 9:25
  Ellen: Yes.
• 9:26
  Ellen: Or they're on their leadership of someone in their learning.
• 9:29
  Ellen: Through you not being perfect.
• 9:31
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 9:31
  Ellen: us not being perfect.
• 9:32
  Ellen: How to get along with others.
• 9:33
  Ellen: Yeah,
• 9:34
  Danae: exactly.
• 9:35
  Danae: So I'm teaching them a lot of life lessons by, by being, being perfect.
• 9:40
  Christie: That's a true kids
• 9:42
  Cheryl: if we could do that.
• 9:44
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 9:44
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 9:44
  Cheryl: And that's all in quote, right?
• 9:46
  Cheryl: If we could be perfect, look.
• 9:48
  Cheryl: At the burden of weight we would be putting on our children.
• 9:52
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 9:52
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 9:53
  Cheryl: If they thought, how am I ever gonna top this?
• 9:57
  Cheryl: Right?
• 9:57
  Cheryl: I can't do this.
• 9:58
  Cheryl: That's what I have to measure up to.
• 9:59
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 10:00
  Cheryl: And then they become PERFECT-HOLICS What?
• 10:03
  Cheryl: You perfectionist, I guess.
• 10:04
  Cheryl: Oh, I like perfect hols.
• 10:08
  Cheryl: You heard of the But look, I mean, if.
• 10:12
  Cheryl: Are living real transparent lives, which you kind of have to do.
• 10:15
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 10:16
  Cheryl: With your children.
• 10:17
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 10:17
  Cheryl: They are learning the grace of loving you and watching you to ask forgiveness and mm-hmm.
• 10:22
  Cheryl: getting up and dusting yourself off when you've blown it.
• 10:25
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 10:25
  Cheryl: What?
• 10:25
  Cheryl: Right.
• 10:26
  Cheryl: That's a much bigger gift than perfectionism.
• 10:28
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 10:29
  Christie: Oh, I think so
• 10:30
  Cheryl: Well,
• 10:30
  Christie: and it doesn't create any space for them to be independent or maybe to learn a different way out of their own strengths than what you would've done.
• 10:39
  Christie: Wow.
• 10:39
  Christie: I look at my kids and there's lots of areas that at the time I.
• 10:42
  Christie: Looked at it as me being negligent in that area.
• 10:45
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 10:45
  Christie: or, you know, missing the mark, but they were more gifted in that area, so they sent them to the plate.
• 10:51
  Christie: That's really, and found a different way that would've been done, what I could offer.
• 10:54
  Danae: Yeah.
• 10:55
  Christie: You know that that kind of goes along with one of my things that I've definitely learned in parenting is that not everything is as urgent or final as I think it is.
• 11:06
  Christie: Oh, yeah.
• 11:07
  Christie: That I, I just think, I really felt like everything mattered.
• 11:12
  Christie: 10 times more than it.
• 11:13
  Christie: Yes.
• 11:14
  Christie: And every decision was so dependent on me and so urgent.
• 11:18
  Christie: And you're gonna ruin your child.
• 11:20
  Christie: Yes.
• 11:20
  Christie: If I didn't do all the things to try.
• 11:22
  Christie: And I, I've talked a little bit about that before, but you know, I think I'm learning that, like you were saying, Ellen, I'm.
• 11:27
  Christie: Still evolving after the kids are grown.
• 11:31
  Christie: Right.
• 11:31
  Christie: And they're still evolving and we all are growing and learning from one another.
• 11:35
  Christie: And, And
• 11:36
  Ellen: they're still watching you.
• 11:37
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 11:37
  Ellen: Because I try to remind people, you're getting older
• 11:40
  Christie: And
• 11:40
  Ellen: even if you don't have children in your home anymore, your children are watching how you age.
• 11:45
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 11:45
  Ellen: how you respond to the things around you that happen.
• 11:48
  Ellen: They're
• 11:49
  Christie: still watching how I respond and, and recover from mistakes.
• 11:53
  Christie: Yes.
• 11:54
  Christie: Yeah.
• 11:54
  Christie: And my failures in life.
• 11:55
  Christie: Yes.
• 11:55
  Christie: Very good.
• 11:56
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 11:57
  Cheryl: That another gift, I mean, We've been talking birthday.
• 12:00
  Cheryl: These are gifts Would that have been gifts that you would've thought you would've given your children?
• 12:06
  Cheryl: No,
• 12:06
  Christie: no, no.
• 12:07
  Cheryl: Well, no,
• 12:08
  Christie: the gifts I would've given were, like Danae said, this perfect mom that woke up early and made the chocolate chip pancakes and never got mad.
• 12:16
  Christie: I actually knew a mom that had personalized songs for every child to wake them up, and I thought, Wow.
• 12:22
  Christie: Here I am to offer my imperfections, not my
• 12:24
  Cheryl: personal songs, but one of the things in this, you're talking about singing songs and wanting to be perfect.
• 12:32
  Cheryl: Well, I would've loved to have had my mother sing to me and open the curtains, and so that's what I did for my kids.
• 12:39
  Cheryl: And would come in and open the curtains and say, Wow, what a day the Lord has given us and sing a good morning song.
• 12:47
  Cheryl: And then one of mine later down with tongue.
• 12:50
  Cheryl: said, I really love you, mom, But stop with a song.
• 12:53
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 12:54
  Cheryl: What
• 12:55
  Danae: I was
• 12:56
  Ellen: wondering that if you got any
• 12:57
  Danae: rotten tomatoes
• 12:59
  Cheryl: One of the things I learned, I didn't know there were non morning persons.
• 13:02
  Cheryl: Oh,
• 13:04
  Christie: You to some, Hi, my name
• 13:07
  Ellen: at you as a non mourning person, my mother used to come in and she'd be cheery and she'd go up and Adam, it took me years.
• 13:14
  Ellen: To realize she wasn't talking about Adam and Eve.
• 13:17
  Ellen: Oh, I always wonder what the Adam had to do with getting
• 13:20
  Danae: up is so funny.
• 13:22
  Danae: And
• 13:22
  Cheryl: Adam, why is Adam Here're right?
• 13:25
  Danae: That reminds me that, you know, yeah.
• 13:27
  Danae: Mm-hmm.
• 13:28
  Danae: you have to realize not everybody right.
• 13:30
  Christie: To be treated d time the same.
• 13:33
  Christie: Yes.
• 13:33
  Christie: Yeah.
• 13:34
  Christie: And I think that to go along with that urgent feeling like everything was so urgent that I got it right.
• 13:39
  Christie: That's the grace I've realized it's that even, you know, if my kids did want me to have personalized songs, I don't think they did but if they did, What they wanted was not always what was Yes.
• 13:51
  Christie: Wise and best in the moment.
• 13:53
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 13:54
  Christie: and that's what I feel like I, I worked hard for a lot of the time was my kids' happiness and that they would have good thoughts of their childhood and Right.
• 14:03
  Christie: And so, yeah.
• 14:04
  Christie: I think on this side of however many years I'm feeling more content with my flaws, my failures, my mistakes that I can
• 14:13
  Cheryl: just breathe.
• 14:14
  Cheryl: Me too, Because, when my daughter said, all of that.
• 14:17
  Cheryl: She said, It didn't do what you thought it was gonna do.
• 14:20
  Cheryl: Yeah, The old me well that heap come didn't nation on me.
• 14:24
  Cheryl: And I could hear that without her saying, You're a terrible mom,.
• 14:28
  Cheryl: Right.
• 14:28
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 14:29
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm Mm-hmm.
• 14:29
  Cheryl: you took it personally voted Absolutely.
• 14:32
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 14:33
  Cheryl: Just saying, parenting Has changed me
• 14:35
  Ellen: You know, something that I think parenting changed me probably almost more than any.
• 14:41
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 14:42
  Ellen: Earthly thing.
• 14:43
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 14:43
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 14:44
  Ellen: you know, um, not in marriage, but I mean parenting really.
• 14:49
  Ellen: Rubbed all my rough edges off.
• 14:52
  Ellen: Wow.
• 14:52
  Ellen: Doesn't mean whether you wanted to Exactly.
• 14:55
  Ellen: doesn't mean that I'm smooth, but um, it definitely, Wow.
• 15:00
  Ellen: Made me have to stop so many times in the go, Why am I doing this and why am I reacting this way?
• 15:09
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 15:10
  Ellen: Mm.
• 15:11
  Cheryl: And, and because we love our children, we're willing to sacrifice for that.
• 15:17
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 15:18
  Cheryl: Mm, yeah.
• 15:19
  Ellen: One of the things that I've learned through parenting is to live fearlessly.
• 15:25
  Cheryl: Wow.
• 15:25
  Cheryl: Ellen, what do you mean?
• 15:27
  Cheryl: Tell us.
• 15:29
  Cheryl: Open that up for us.
• 15:30
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 15:30
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 15:31
  Ellen: Well, I think, you know, most of us go into parenting.
• 15:35
  Ellen: Excited.
• 15:36
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 15:36
  Ellen: and then all of a sudden you have different places in your parenting experience where you literally do not know what to do.
• 15:42
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 15:43
  Ellen: for sure.
• 15:44
  Ellen: Because I think we all are scared when we're parents.
• 15:47
  Ellen: You know, it's one thing holding the cute little baby, but then all of a sudden they want things and need things that you don't know what it is.
• 15:55
  Ellen: You know?
• 15:55
  Ellen: And, then they get older and they have all these emotional things that you don't have answers for.
• 16:01
  Ellen: You don't know how to answer them.
• 16:03
  Ellen: And no control.
• 16:04
  Ellen: No, not at all.
• 16:05
  Ellen: No control.
• 16:06
  Ellen: You know, I mean, I've had five children and you know that you face a lot of things, different things, good things, bad things, and you learn a lot about yourself you know, they're getting older, they're getting independence, and then they're able to make choices that you don't want them to make.
• 16:23
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 16:23
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 16:24
  Ellen: And so that's where some of that fear lies.
• 16:27
  Ellen: And so, At the end of my active parenting years, I've learned that I do live with less fear yeah.
• 16:34
  Ellen: Yep.
• 16:35
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 16:36
  Cheryl: And with that, I will tell you, being a parent has made me learn to trust God.
• 16:41
  Cheryl: Mm, because I care so much about them and everything you just described.
• 16:47
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 16:47
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 16:48
  Cheryl: I mean, their health, their mental health.
• 16:51
  Cheryl: Everything that we talk about here.
• 16:53
  Cheryl: We've talked a whole year.
• 16:55
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 16:56
  Cheryl: about parenting and all of that, and it's so uncontrolled and you can't flip to the back of book and see what's happened.
• 17:04
  Cheryl: Right, Right.
• 17:05
  Cheryl: And it has forced me to be dependent on God and just to trust him.
• 17:11
  Cheryl: Well, I think that's it is, it's
• 17:13
  Christie: not, Without fear.
• 17:16
  Christie: I mean, fear evolves into concern.
• 17:19
  Christie: Yeah.
• 17:19
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 17:19
  Christie: when you come to terms with what we can control Yeah.
• 17:24
  Christie: That's, and what we have our grip on and what we don't.
• 17:28
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 17:28
  Christie: Wow.
• 17:28
  Christie: We're limited in our control.
• 17:30
  Danae: Yeah.
• 17:30
  Christie: Well, because the releasing in every age you're releasing in some capacity.
• 17:35
  Christie: Yeah.
• 17:36
  Christie: I'm gonna let her walk three doors down to the diaper's house.
• 17:40
  Christie: I'm gonna, you know, trust that she's gonna make it there and she needs this independence.
• 17:45
  Ellen: I'm gonna let her go to the pool by herself or into the grocery store and drive.
• 17:51
  Cheryl: And Ellen, and I've done it letting our kids go overseas.
• 17:54
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 17:55
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 17:55
  Cheryl: you know Me Too all.
• 17:56
  Cheryl: Oh, yes, that's true.
• 17:57
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 17:58
  Cheryl: And so just letting them do that.
• 18:00
  Cheryl: One of the things that I've learned that I'm better from parenting mm-hmm.
• 18:03
  Cheryl: one of the ways is my grown children speaking into my life, and I just love it.
• 18:09
  Cheryl: you know, I say, we need our friends to be our side view mirrors mm-hmm.
• 18:13
  Cheryl: to help us see our blind spots.
• 18:15
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 18:15
  Cheryl: Right.
• 18:15
  Cheryl: And if my children are becoming that right, and like one thing a couple of times over the years and recently a child will say, Mom, think about what you just said.
• 18:28
  Cheryl: You're making someone else feel other or less and they go, You're right.
• 18:33
  Cheryl: I just didn't see it.
• 18:34
  Cheryl: And their compassion and their worldview.
• 18:37
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 18:38
  Cheryl: is speaking into me and it's changing me.
• 18:40
  Cheryl: Wow.
• 18:40
  Cheryl: Cheryl,
• 18:40
  Christie: you've been such an example to me in that, and that requires so much humility.
• 18:44
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 18:46
  Christie: humility before your kids that Yes, I might have been 22 once, but I wasn't 22 in this.
• 18:52
  Christie: Right.
• 18:52
  Christie: In 2022 and it's.
• 18:55
  Christie: It does require so much humility to listen and learn from our kids wow.
• 18:59
  Cheryl: Well this is my first time through life, That's right.
• 19:02
  Cheryl: I don't know how much time I've got, but I wanna cram everything in to learn and grow and change.
• 19:08
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 19:08
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 19:08
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 19:09
  Cheryl: And speaking of longevity and big picture, I will say that's something I learned from my children is quit playing for the short game.
• 19:18
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 19:19
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 19:19
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 19:20
  Cheryl: You know, like in school, okay, I'm in algebra, I study for the test.
• 19:25
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 19:25
  Cheryl: I get the grade.
• 19:26
  Cheryl: Then if I pass that, then I move on to geometry or whatever.
• 19:29
  Cheryl: It's so much short game.
• 19:31
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 19:31
  Cheryl: Or um, when I was employed, I just had to make it to Friday you know?
• 19:36
  Cheryl: Yeah, yeah.
• 19:37
  Cheryl: Or make it to the next paycheck or whatever it is.
• 19:39
  Cheryl: Right?
• 19:40
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 19:40
  Cheryl: And with my children, I saw there is a big, long game picture here, right?
• 19:47
  Danae: Yeah.
• 19:48
  Danae: True.
• 19:48
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 19:49
  Cheryl: and you know, having been widowed and then taking three of my children almost all the way, uh, through their childhood, but so much parenting.
• 19:59
  Cheryl: Out of single widowhood.
• 20:01
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 20:01
  Cheryl: and people say, Cheryl, how in the world did you do it?
• 20:05
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 20:06
  Cheryl: And besides knowing God, the real truth is, is the long game right.
• 20:11
  Cheryl: Although it was wobbly and we fell and we bumped and reroll, it's, Well, it's what Kelly talks about, the roadmap.
• 20:17
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 20:18
  Cheryl: okay.
• 20:18
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 20:18
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 20:18
  Cheryl: For our family that I felt deep in our hearts.
• 20:22
  Cheryl: Bill and I had a roadmap of who we want these children to be at 45 and 50.
• 20:29
  Cheryl: These whole people who just our wishes for them to be developed to be who they are.
• 20:33
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 20:34
  Cheryl: And so having that view of them.
• 20:37
  Cheryl: Has changed me.
• 20:38
  Cheryl: I mean, it's the biggest thing to start having a bigger picture.
• 20:42
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 20:42
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 20:42
  Cheryl: And to stick to it.
• 20:44
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 20:44
  Danae: That's such a beautiful picture.
• 20:46
  Danae: And what I'm seeing as you're talking about it, is really we're there walking alongside Yes.
• 20:52
  Danae: Our children.
• 20:53
  Danae: Yeah.
• 20:53
  Danae: You know, going across that map.
• 20:56
  Danae: Yeah.
• 20:57
  Cheryl: Because I kind of thought the beginning, the way I was taught From everything.
• 21:01
  Cheryl: Is it parenting something you do to your children, right?
• 21:04
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 21:05
  Cheryl: You know?
• 21:05
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 21:06
  Ellen: Because eventually you're gonna hand them the map mm-hmm.
• 21:08
  Ellen: That's right.
• 21:09
  Ellen: And they have to take the map for themselves.
• 21:11
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 21:11
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 21:12
  Ellen: And complete their life journey.
• 21:13
  Christie: Yeah.
• 21:14
  Christie: Yeah.
• 21:14
  Christie: Well, and letting parenting change us like we're talking about.
• 21:18
  Christie: Yeah.
• 21:18
  Christie: Looking at my character traits that need to change and like you said, the rough edges on me that need to be polished off and I just, like you said, Cheryl, I thought the whole time I was supposed to be the expert teaching them something
• 21:33
  Danae: Yeah.
• 21:33
  Danae: So what you're saying is I thought that I was the gift to my children.
• 21:37
  Danae: Yes.
• 21:38
  Danae: But really realizing my children are a gift to me.
• 21:41
  Danae: Yes.
• 21:41
  Danae: Also, yes.
• 21:43
  Cheryl: And not just the fun in the birthday parties and all that.
• 21:46
  Cheryl: For growth.
• 21:46
  Cheryl: For growth, yeah.
• 21:47
  Cheryl: and all of that.
• 21:48
  Cheryl: And you three are younger than I am.
• 21:50
  Cheryl: And I will tell you, My children have said to me what we're talking about here.
• 21:56
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 21:56
  Cheryl: this humility that you're talking about letting your children change you.
• 22:00
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 22:01
  Cheryl: and y'all are different people because you parented your children.
• 22:05
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 22:05
  Cheryl: And my children are really affirming that to me.
• 22:09
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 22:09
  Cheryl: and they're saying it.
• 22:11
  Cheryl: Makes them not being afraid of growing old.
• 22:15
  Cheryl: Wow.
• 22:15
  Ellen: wow.
• 22:16
  Cheryl: Or in their parenting.
• 22:18
  Cheryl: It's giving them courage in their parenting because they're watching what we're talking about That's a gift I never imagined.
• 22:25
  Cheryl: And
• 22:25
  Danae: we are talking about our older children because it's.
• 22:29
  Danae: Kind of where we're living right now.
• 22:30
  Danae: Mm-hmm.
• 22:30
  Danae: Mm-hmm.
• 22:31
  Danae: But there's a gift that the four year old gives them gift, you know, for us to be curious and to really get to know how does that four year old or all the different ages see the world?
• 22:43
  Danae: Yes.
• 22:43
  Danae: We can learn so much
• 22:45
  Christie: from them.
• 22:45
  Christie: And the simplicity of that stage of parenting.
• 22:48
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 22:49
  Christie: where.
• 22:49
  Christie: You're simply sitting a lot.
• 22:52
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 22:52
  Christie: you know, whether it be reading or watching grasshoppers or
• 22:55
  Danae: Yeah.
• 22:56
  Danae: Play, play, do and see what they come up with
• 22:58
  Ellen: and or answering why.
• 23:00
  Ellen: Right.
• 23:02
  Cheryl: I'd like to write a book.
• 23:03
  Cheryl: The Gift of the Mundane.
• 23:05
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 23:05
  Cheryl: Because that's a thing.
• 23:06
  Cheryl: We think life is this big accomplished thing.
• 23:09
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 23:09
  Cheryl: And when you have children, it slows down to.
• 23:13
  Cheryl: 24 hours of 60 minutes an hour with these people, all of their childhood, and we have to slow down and look at the ants on the ground.
• 23:24
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 23:24
  Cheryl: or take time to listen about this Lego war that's going on.
• 23:29
  Cheryl: Or, you know, Mom, listen to this song and they've already played it for you since times this is I important because we love them so much.
• 23:39
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 23:39
  Cheryl: we're willing to lay down ourselves for their agenda.
• 23:43
  Danae: Now when you're describing the mundane, and that way I really like that when I think of mundane, I've always said, Oh, I, I just can't do mundane.
• 23:55
  Danae: And that's why if you know me, you know that I like to plan parties and I'm always talking about the next event, what big thing, because that helps give me energy for the future.
• 24:05
  Danae: Yeah.
• 24:05
  Danae: But when you're talking about mundane of enjoying the preciousness, Of children and delighting in them and being with others.
• 24:16
  Danae: I can, I can sign up for
• 24:17
  that.
• 24:17
  Christie: Yeah.
• 24:19
  Christie: seriously with good laugh.
• 24:22
  Cheryl: And that's the thing, It's not Polly Ann.
• 24:24
  Cheryl: It's not.
• 24:25
  Cheryl: Whoa, whoa, whoa.
• 24:25
  Cheryl: Right.
• 24:26
  Cheryl: But if we can remember that, it brings meaning mm-hmm.
• 24:31
  Cheryl: To the dirty diaper, if you will.
• 24:33
  Cheryl: Yeah, yeah.
• 24:33
  Cheryl: And to the cleaning up the spill on the floor.
• 24:36
  Cheryl: We're
• 24:36
  Christie: waking up to vomit, you know?
• 24:38
  Christie: I mean, Yeah.
• 24:39
  Christie: And I don't say that to be gruesome.
• 24:40
  Christie: I just really mean the things that feel completely Yes.
• 24:43
  Christie: Out of anyone's wheelhouse.
• 24:45
  Christie: And I'm the one left to do this.
• 24:48
  Christie: Right?
• 24:48
  Christie: Yes.
• 24:48
  Christie: And having to, you know, dig into some amount of.
• 24:52
  Christie: Adulthood you know, looking around like, Oh, this is me, This is my job.
• 24:56
  Christie: You know, I have to be the one.
• 24:57
  Christie: There's not
• 24:57
  Danae: the clean up crew
• 24:59
  Christie: behind you that's not nearly as magical as watching grasshoppers.
• 25:03
  Christie: It's developing a character trait in you.
• 25:07
  Christie: Wow.
• 25:07
  Christie: Sacrifice and steadfast love for your children.
• 25:11
  Ellen: True.
• 25:12
  Ellen: Well, when I was young, it was like, Oh, I just cleaned this up and you know, I'm admiring my floor.
• 25:18
  Ellen: I just cleaned it and two seconds later somebody spills something on it.
• 25:22
  Ellen: Oh.
• 25:22
  Ellen: And it sounds like a silly thing, but it's like, uh, I was kind of enjoying it being clean.
• 25:27
  Ellen: And you know, I find now none of those things, even bug.
• 25:31
  Ellen: You know, it's like, Oh, okay, whatever.
• 25:33
  Ellen: Right.
• 25:33
  Ellen: You know where love, Right
• 25:35
  Christie: It's not a silly thing.
• 25:36
  Christie: One day I cleaned my whole kitchen floor by hand on my hands and.
• 25:41
  Christie: Scrub the grout and made a homemade chicken pop pie.
• 25:44
  Christie: So put the chicken pop pie in the fridge to bake later.
• 25:48
  Christie: Yeah.
• 25:49
  Christie: And when I pulled it out ready to make dinner, it broke on the freshly my entire day had gone.
• 25:57
  Christie: Yeah.
• 25:57
  Christie: Completely, by the way.
• 25:59
  Christie: Nice.
• 26:00
  Christie: But I mean, talk about character building I had.
• 26:02
  Christie: Sit there and choose joy in Yes.
• 26:05
  Christie: That moment.
• 26:06
  Danae: Yeah.
• 26:06
  Danae: Yes.
• 26:07
  Danae: It reminds me of a phrase that I've learned recently and I wanna keep saying it so I don't forget it, and that's, life is full of problems.
• 26:15
  Danae: So the goal is to become an excellent problem solver.
• 26:18
  Danae: Oh, that's good.
• 26:19
  Danae: Instead of being upset every time, you know.
• 26:23
  Danae: Dinner falls on the floor or a kid throws up.
• 26:26
  Danae: It's like, this is what life is.
• 26:28
  Danae: Yeah.
• 26:28
  Danae: So my, my job is to become a great problem solver
• 26:33
  Ellen: and expect the unexpected.
• 26:35
  Ellen: Absolutely.
• 26:35
  Ellen: You know, whatever plan you have, it's gonna, the unexpected will be thrown in if your plans come out the way you wanted them to, whether it's planning a birthday party or getting out of the door to go do something.
• 26:47
  Ellen: Something is always going to happen Right.
• 26:51
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 26:51
  Cheryl: I think one of the things we've said is how shocked we were, how we were changed in parenting.
• 26:57
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 26:58
  Cheryl: And we thought it was all about our children, right?
• 26:59
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 27:00
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 27:00
  Cheryl: So here as we're closing, if you could summarize, what would you say, maybe if you can think of a really important way that parenting your children in your family's lives has radically changed you to be a better person?
• 27:15
  Cheryl: Mm.
• 27:16
  Cheryl: Danae,
• 27:18
  Danae: Man, I still think the main thing for me is really accepting and loving myself.
• 27:25
  Danae: Wow.
• 27:26
  Danae: Whether I do it all right that day, that month, that year, whether I feel like in my own eyes, I failed to know that I.
• 27:37
  Danae: Am loved and I'm lovable.
• 27:40
  Danae: Mm-hmm.
• 27:40
  Danae: and that being with my kids and, and, um, just being with people and accepting who I am and being able to receive.
• 27:53
  Danae: They're love.
• 27:54
  Danae: My kids don't always give me the feedback that I need to feel that.
• 27:59
  Danae: So I have had to really know it for myself.
• 28:03
  Danae: Wow.
• 28:03
  Danae: Yeah.
• 28:04
  Cheryl: Wow.
• 28:04
  Ellen: Yeah
• 28:05
  Christie: For me, humility.
• 28:07
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 28:07
  Christie: Um, and you know, the first thought of humility and parenting is kind of like when we were early in our parenting years, we're like, Oh, my child's never going to do this.
• 28:18
  Christie: I'm always going to have a bow on her.
• 28:20
  Christie: But, um, which is pride, not that's pr.
• 28:23
  Christie: Yeah.
• 28:23
  Christie: Right.
• 28:23
  Christie: Well, that's what I'm saying is it humbled me in that way, but also humility that.
• 28:30
  Christie: I need to be more others focused.
• 28:32
  Christie: Mm-hmm.
• 28:32
  Christie: others minded and look at differences in other people and learning from Yeah.
• 28:37
  Christie: Other perspectives and.
• 28:40
  Christie: All of my ideas are not always right.
• 28:44
  Ellen: That's very, Yeah, I relate, Relate to that too.
• 28:46
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 28:47
  Ellen: Ellen.
• 28:48
  Ellen: Oh man, that's a hard one cuz it seems like so many life lessons pour out a parenting.
• 28:53
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 28:54
  Ellen: every child brings something different to the table that you have to learn.
• 28:57
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 28:58
  Ellen: I think not to sound over spiritual, but just be totally.
• 29:03
  Ellen: Submitted and dependent on God.
• 29:07
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 29:08
  Ellen: And just asking him, because there's those days you're just sitting there going, I don't know I don't know how to help this child.
• 29:13
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 29:14
  Ellen: I don't know how to answer this question.
• 29:16
  Ellen: I don't know how to be their mom.
• 29:18
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 29:18
  Ellen: there's just that sometimes sense of overwhelm and hopelessness.
• 29:23
  Ellen: Mm-hmm.
• 29:23
  Ellen: that only God can help you to move forward and mm-hmm.
• 29:27
  Ellen: give you wisdom and what to say and how to respond.
• 29:30
  Ellen: Oh.
• 29:31
  Cheryl: Wow, these are so good.
• 29:32
  Cheryl: How about you, Cheryl?
• 29:34
  Cheryl: Well, all of those but I remember with my first one with Rebecca, and I was cleaning up and washing clothes and doing this stuff and changing the diapers and just all of that.
• 29:46
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 29:46
  Cheryl: And it was so new and different from the rest of my life.
• 29:49
  Cheryl: Right.
• 29:50
  Cheryl: And I just said, Well, I want to be a mom.
• 29:53
  Cheryl: I'm excited about it, but why does it have to be so repetitive?
• 29:58
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 29:58
  Cheryl: Why is it so full of all the same things over and over?
• 30:02
  Cheryl: Oh yeah.
• 30:03
  Cheryl: That's true.
• 30:04
  Cheryl: And I felt like I was learning how to really be a servant and Mm-hmm.
• 30:09
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 30:09
  Cheryl: It taught me true servanthood in a way.
• 30:12
  Cheryl: I don't know what else would have.
• 30:14
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 30:14
  Cheryl: That's very good.
• 30:15
  Cheryl: That's really good.
• 30:16
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 30:16
  Cheryl: That's really, really good.
• 30:18
  Cheryl: Y'all are amazing.
• 30:19
  Cheryl: Thank you so much.
• 30:20
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 30:21
  Cheryl: While ladies, we have to wrap up.
• 30:24
  Cheryl: Already Isn't this amazing?
• 30:25
  Cheryl: As we're sitting here talking, realizing the gift that parenting has been to us mm-hmm.
• 30:31
  Cheryl: That we're not the same.
• 30:32
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 30:32
  Cheryl: Yeah Mm-hmm.
• 30:34
  Cheryl: And so listeners we're talking birthday This is the TPP gift we would bring to you.
• 30:39
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 30:40
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 30:40
  Cheryl: That parenting would help you become the person you would really like to be,
• 30:45
  Christie: 100%
• 30:47
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 30:47
  Cheryl: because that's what we're describing.
• 30:49
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 30:50
  Cheryl: our young selves, we weren't that person and we're actually being transformed.
• 30:54
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 30:54
  Cheryl: more into who we really liked to be.
• 30:56
  Cheryl: because of parenting Mm-hmm.
• 30:58
  Cheryl: Yes Mm-hmm.
• 30:59
  Cheryl: and We love TPP being a part of that journey for you
• 31:03
  Christie: oh, definitely.
• 31:04
  Cheryl: Mm, Yes.
• 31:04
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 31:05
  Cheryl: So parents, hang in there.
• 31:07
  Cheryl: Keep loving, keep persevering because it's worth it.