Latest / The Inner Wealth Podcast / Ep274. The Emotional Intensity of Growth: What It Takes to Go on Offense (Gateway to Freedom Speaking Engagement.)

Transcript

Ep274. The Emotional Intensity of Growth: What It Takes to Go on Offense (Gateway to Freedom Speaking Engagement.) · The Inner Wealth Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hey guys, for the second week in a row, I'm going to be posting a recent speaking event that I had.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: And this one was at Gateway to Freedom.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: And shout out to Rich Groves for putting off putting on a an awesome event every year.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I've spoken at this event every year, and it just keeps getting better and better.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: So this presentation that I gave, it was first thing in the morning of the first day.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: It was the keynote speaker.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I my intent was just to set the room up for success.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: That was it.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: There were a lot of speakers after me.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: And the whole point was to build the foundation that they could all they could all build on so that the room and the results and the outcomes of people in the room, they would, they would be beneficial and powerful.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I ride the same theme of playing offense, going on offense and and and not playing defense in life, but I also added a new special flavor.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because that morning I woke up with the words emotional intensity on my mind.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I added that to this presentation.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I said it over and over because playing defense, that's exactly why we play defense.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: We try to avoid emotional intensity.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: So, guys, uh sit back, buckle in.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: This was a uh shorter, a much shorter speaking uh engagement, but I feel like this one uh was compact and powerful.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: All right, enjoy the ride.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: Do you ever wake up feeling like there's something missing in your life?
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: Do you ever feel the need to escape your business?
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: Are you running your life or is your life running yours?
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm my kiddo, and I'll help you design and create a life so authentic and aligned with who you really are, you'll get excited just to wake up.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'll help you create real wealth and stuff and freedom from the inside out.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Inner Wealth Podcast, where we learn and choose to live inspired each and every day.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: How many of you guys want to level up in every area of your life?
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: That's my walk-up music, by the way.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: I wasn't supposed to be up here yet or talking yet, but I want to talk.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: How many of you guys, I'll say I'll ask it again, how many of you guys want to upgrade and level up in every aspect of your life?
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever noticed that people come to conferences, to trainings, to seminars, and they leave and they do absolutely nothing with anything that they've learned, and they just continue to do the same thing over and over and over, expecting different results, wanting different results.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: You guys ever experienced that before?
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: The reason that those people leave a great training, a great seminar like this, first of all, trust, right?
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: Their trust is challenged, but second of all, it's because they're playing defense in life.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_00: They're not playing offense, they're playing defense.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: And any football fans?
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: Defense is all about avoiding something, right?
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: Trying to prevent something, right?
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: Offense is about trying to score, trying to win.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like defense is about trying not to lose.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: Defense is about preventing something, avoiding something.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: And those people that leave a conference like this and just continue to live the same life over and over and over, hoping for different results, expecting different results, anticipating, but never really realizing those, they're playing defense.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: And here in this room, you've got two days of amazing speakers that are going to give you great tactics, great strategies, everything that you need to be successful.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't do anything with them and you don't level up your life, you're playing defense.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: The question I want you to ask the rest of your life with every decision, with every choice, with everything you do is right now, in this moment, am I playing offense or defense?
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: Am I avoiding something or am I creating something, trusting that when I take this action, when I do this thing, it's going to lead to a positive result that's going to level up and upgrade your life.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: Make sense?
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: Awesome.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: So what is playing defense?
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: Playing defense is avoiding failure, avoiding judgment, avoiding criticism, avoiding blame, avoiding being seen, avoiding going bankrupt, right?
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: Being seen a certain way, being perceived a certain way, being criticized.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: This is playing defense, avoiding all those things.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: Does that make sense?
• 4:44
  unknown: Yes.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: People who leave a conference like this and awesome, which Rich, give it up for Rich.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: Rich has done a great job.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: I've spoken in every every uh gateway to freedom the rich has had, and it just keeps getting better and better and better.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: And that's because of the work that you put in, Rich.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: Awesome job.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: But the people that leave, and I'm going to keep beating on this, the people that leave and their life doesn't change, they're just trying to avoid something.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: There's something, there's something in them, the inner game, there's something in them that they're experiencing or that they're trying not to experience, and it's all what's happening in their body.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: And there's one thing that I want you to understand with like, and and explore this and dive into this for the for for today, for tomorrow, but for the rest of your life.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: The difference between defense and offense is your willingness and ability to endure emotional intensity.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna say that again.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: The difference between playing defense and offense is your willingness and ability to endure emotional intensity.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because sitting down and writing that offer, that first offer, it's gonna be emotionally intense.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: Sitting down or asking somebody for what you want.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: How many of how many of you struggle to ask for help?
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: Raise your hand.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, yeah.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody wants the help, but nobody wants to ask for help.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because you feel things that you'd rather not feel.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: You feel shame, you feel guilt, you feel helpless, you feel these things.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: That emotional intensity will keep you for asking, keeping, keep you from asking for the help that you need.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: The emotional intensity.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: And the people who are willing to endure that emotional intensity will ask for what they need, for will ask for the money that they're that they're looking for.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: They'll ask for the deal, they'll ask for the house because they're willing to endure the emotional intensity.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: Is this clicking?
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: The difference between defense and offense is feeling the thing and doing it anyway, and having the tools to navigate the the emotional experience of success.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: But this is the one that will change everything for you.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: What your nervous system has one job and one job only.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: Any of my students don't say a word.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: Because they're out there and they all know the answer because I beat it into them.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: Your nervous system has one job and one job only.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: What is it?
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: Y'all got some answers.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: To keep you alive.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: He listens to my podcast.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's obvious.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: To keep you alive.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: Does your nervous system care if you're wealthy?
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: Does your nervous system care if you are successful?
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: Does your nervous system care if you're happy?
• 8:00
  unknown: No.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: Fulfilled?
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: That you're you have you're employed or unemployed?
• 8:07
  unknown: No.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: All it's trying to do is keep you alive.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't care about any of these those things.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: And it has a single tactic to try to keep you alive.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: What is it?
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: To try to keep you in familiar circumstances, whatever those are.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: If you're unemployed, it's trying to keep you unemployed.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: If you're wealthy, it's trying to keep you wealthy.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: If you're broke, it's trying to keep you broke.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: If if you you feel lonely, it's trying to keep you feeling lonely.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: Isn't that crazy?
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: This body that we're wearing, this meat suit that we're wearing, is just trying to avoid emotional intensity.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: And it tries to avoid emotional intensity by trying to keep you in familiar circumstances.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because have you ever heard you can either have comfort or growth?
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: It's a great question, but it's not accurate.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because we're not talking about discomfort, we're talking about emotional intensity.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: And everything new in your life is going to require some element and some aspect of emotional intensity.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: Are you with me?
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: Are you tracking?
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: You're going to get everything you need over these couple days.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: Your willingness and the ability to endure emotional intensity that it takes to actually employ them and use them and do something different.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: That's what's going to separate defense from offense and people who have and have not, and people who level up and people who stay stuck.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: The first time I jumped on a stage and did this, it was scary as all get out.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: Not scared anymore.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: Little bit of anxiety.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: Every time I get ready to take the take the stage, a little bit of anxiety, but it goes away like immediately.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: But the first time, holy crap, did I feel it in my body.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: The first day I woke up when I published my first book, that morning, holy crap, did I feel like what did I just do?
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: The day it got published, because it was brand new.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: But if I would have called the publisher or taken it down from Amazon, if I would have stopped the process, was I playing offense or defense?
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: Defense.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what?
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: My books have changed people's lives.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: But it was an emotionally intense experience.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: But they impacted my life positively, they impacted other people's lives positively, and it just took enduring the inevitability of emotional intel emotional intensity.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: Are you guys understanding why someone would play defense?
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yes or no?
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: Awesome.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's really, really critical and important for anything else that we're gonna discuss.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a marine vet.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: Any other marine vets in here?
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: Sempre five, brother.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: Anyone else?
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: Let me tell you about the first day of boot camp.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: You get on a you get on a bus, you get on a plane, you get on a bus, you start to start to drive towards uh Marine Corps Depot, Paris Island for me.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm an East Coast guy.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: He's a San Diego guy.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: We love each other, but we don't like each other.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's like my little sister, I can pick on them, but nobody else can.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: Same thing about the Army, Navy, and Air Force.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: They're my little sister, I can pick on them, but don't you mess with them.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: You start to pull up to the Marine Corps depot, and the nerves start to kick in.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: They're already kicked in, but they get more intense and more intense and more intense.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: Then you depart the bus, and you got these drill instructors all around you.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: And one's telling you to stand up, one's telling you to sit down, one's telling you to take your clothes off, one's telling you to put your clothes on, one's telling you to jump, one's telling you to lay down.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: There is literally no way to win.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: And inside your body, it's so emotionally intense, and there's just like it's just an eruption of emotion, and it's intense, and it's like makes you want to cry, it's so freaking intense.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: And they do that for 90 days.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: And that first day when they do it, you've never experienced it before, so you don't know how to handle it.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: But on day 90, they do that, and you laugh, you kind of chuckle because they're idiots, right?
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: And you understand at that point, you're not gonna hurt me.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: You're just screaming at me.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: You can't hurt me.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: The reason on day one, it's so uncomfortable and emotionally intense is because you've never been in those those situations before.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: But on day 90, you you do have a little bit of a my man, but you do have a little bit of a chuckle when these guys are just being idiots and you kind of laugh.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you can't sometimes you can't help but laugh.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: Because now your nervous system has rewired and transformed to understand how to handle that experience.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: Is this making sense?
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: But if you wouldn't experience day one, you can't get the day 90.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: And what happens is everybody when they're playing defense, they want to get to day 90 without going through day one.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: They want the hundredth deal, but they're not willing to sign the first one.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: They want the end result, but they're not willing to endure the emotional intensity that takes the journey on the journey.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have a clock up here, and the the clock is my enemy.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: Skydiving.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about skydiving.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: Anyone else skydive?
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: Awesome.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, my wife's back there.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: She she did too.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_00: She she had a different experience than I did because I about to ask my pants.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: So so I was I was on the ground and I was I felt all calm and you know, we're getting suited up, and my my guy, my my tandem guy said, You nervous?
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, Not yet.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I was being honest, not yet.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't say no.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: I said, not yet, because I knew what was coming.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: And we get in the plane, right?
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: And it starts to starts to kick up a little bit, and the higher we get, it starts to kick up a little bit.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: And then we're already together in the Marine Corps.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: We used to call it nuts the butt.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: You're already nuts the butt on the plane, and as you get higher to higher and higher elevations, at some point my my guy reaches over my my shoulders and goes, and now we're like one person.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Oh my gosh.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: And then the nerves really kicked in.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: And then there was there were two lights on the plane.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: One red light that said, no go.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: And the green light said GTFO.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: I promised Daragi I wouldn't say the F word, so GTFO, figure it out.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: And when that green light came on, it was my birthday.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: It was actually my my birthday that day.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: I was the first person out.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: And holy crap, I could hardly even move my legs towards the airplane.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: Because I had never experienced it before.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: It was my first jump.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: I blacked out for about five seconds when we jumped out the plane because it was so um stimulating.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: So the sensory experience was so stimulating that I literally blacked out.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: And when I came back too, I was like, this is awesome.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: This is awesome.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: And then I got so lost in the experience that when the when the parachute opened, I actually like was surprised.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: I forgot that we were skydiving and there was a parachute because it was so beautiful of an experience.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: Then we floated down for almost like 10 minutes because it was 18,000, highest, highest tandem in the country, 18,000 feet.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: Go big or go home.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I got to the I got to the ground, and I had I felt like this rush of fulfillment and joy and accomplishment, because not everybody's courageous enough to do that, right?
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_00: So now I'm one of the few that have that skydived before and and been successful.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: But it took a lot of nerves and the emotional intensity to get there.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this this guy from New Zealand that has the greatest job in the world with these flowing locks that probably never has a day without a date or a girl chasing him because he's freaking gorgeous.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: He he's like yawning before he gets gets out of the plane.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: He jumps six times a day.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: This has no impact on his nervous system.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: But I guarantee you, the first time he did it, he was scared to death.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because it was it was unfamiliar.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: And your nervous system has one job, one job only.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: Keep you alive, tries to keep you alive by keeping you in familiar circumstances, and tries to keep you in familiar circumstances because it has proven effective to be able to keep you alive there.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: And anything new challenges that.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: Are you with me?
• 17:15
  unknown: Yeah.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: Someone who hasn't done a deal is going to experience intense emotions signing the first deal.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: A person who's only written a one four-figure check is going to experience emotional intensity signing a five-figure check.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_00: And so on and so forth.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: Doing anything new, anything hiring your first person, hiring your first employee is going to require enduring emotional and emotional intensity.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: Getting your first client.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: Getting your first client.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: First podcast episode, first book, whatever.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: Anything new is going to be emotionally intense.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: And if if you succumb to the emotional intensity, you're playing defense.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: And then your life will stay the same, and you'll live the same day over and over and over, hoping for different results.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: You guys still with me?
• 18:11
  unknown: Yes.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: Awesome.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what the time is, I don't, but I'm gonna jam.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: Guys, there's one thing that will absolutely help you more than anything navigate the emotional intensity that's required to move from defense to offense.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: And that's called a clear direction and a clear path, a clear destination that you're looking to accomplish, to get to.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: Does that make sense?
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: Marine Corps boot camp.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: One, there's there's only one reason you do that, to become a Marine.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's clear, it's decisive, it's obvious when it happens, right?
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_00: And the desire that I had to become a Marine, again, I there's the emotion, to become a United States.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: The desire and the passion that I had to become a United States Marine, one of the most feared frickin' weapons in the entire world that everybody fears and everybody admires and everybody wants to be, because the Army, Navy, and the Air Force, they would come to me and ask me how boot camp was.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: I never asked them.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: They would ask me how my training was.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: I never asked them.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't care.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: My passion, my desire to be United States Marine exceeded any amount of emotional intensive intensity that I endured.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: It was clear, I was passionate, I knew what I wanted, and I was willing to do anything to experience what I wanted.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: Skydiving.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: One clear goal, absolute clear goal, one clear outcome to get to the uh earth safely, right?
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_00: And have accomplished and achieved the thing that I set out to achieve.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: That clear stated objective that I was passionate about, that I was excited about, that I was committed to, exceeded any emotional intensity that I experienced.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: The thing that'll move you from defense to offense is a clear direction, a clear destiny, a clear outcome that you're looking to achieve or accomplish that you're so passionate about and so committed to that you can't not sign the first deal, that you can't not hire the first employee.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: You can't, you you, you you've got to do these things because you're so passionate, you're so committed.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna have to say things you'd rather not say and do things you'd rather not do and ask for things you'd rather not ask for.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna have to feel every every emotion that that a human can possibly experience and do the thing anyway.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the only way we get to get to offense.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_00: And it's by having a clear detailed objective that we're looking to experience and create.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: And reconnecting with that clear, detailed, stated direction, destiny, circumstance, outcome, and remembering how passionate and how committed I am to this.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: Ten years ago, I filed for divorce for my wife.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_00: That one.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: Our marriage was so miserable.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: It was physically, mentally, emotionally.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Abusive.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: What's that?
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm good.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_00: Is she okay?
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um our marriage was so physically, mentally, emotionally abusive.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: And it there was no joy, no happiness, no nothing.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: And at some point I said, look, I'm done with this.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: And and I I felt shame.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_00: I felt guilt.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_00: I felt failure.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: I felt like I was letting my little girls down, our little girls down.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_00: I felt so much stuff, and I still went and I signed the papers.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_00: Because I wanted peace and love and joy in my marriage more than I was willing to succumb to the emotional intensity that it took to sign that piece of paper.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_00: And from there we rebuilt everything.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: But my vision, the vision at that time, it didn't say I want peace, love, and joy with Angie Kitko.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_00: It said, I will and I intend to experience peace, love, and joy, and I don't care who it's with.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_00: And it just happened that we rebuilt our marriage from that state.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_00: That I was more committed to my vision than I was to the commitment that I made 20 now, 25 years ago, I was willing to let it go because I deserve peace, love, and joy in my relationship.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_00: I do the same thing with my business.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_00: I do the same thing with we travel a lot, signing some of those checks and paying for some of the travel.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_00: We just got back from a two-week vacation or a two-week uh journey to uh Munich for Oktoberfest, Vienna, Prague.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like it was a two-week triple the lifetime.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: And holy crap, was it expensive?
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_00: But the desire, my passion, my commitment to singing Ein Prozit at freaking Oktoberfest exceeded that emotional intensity inside my body.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_00: And my vision says that I want to travel monthly.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_00: We're going to Baltimore.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm my hometown, Baltimore.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_00: We're going tomorrow.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: Going to Ravens Game.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_00: We were season ticket holders when we lived back there.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_00: But my vision says that I will travel, that I intend to travel monthly, internationally, to beautiful places that I love, places that we haven't experienced.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_00: But it takes some emotional intensity sometimes to pay for the trips.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_00: You guys buy me?
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_00: Are you feeling it?
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: Without a clear, detailed and documented vision that you return to each and every day, and you commit to each recommit to each and every day, you just kind of do stuff.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_00: You just kind of make decisions.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: You just say yes to every opportunity.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have a filter, but you also don't have this thing that reconnects you with passion and the inspiration that's inside of you.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_00: Because I do believe I am not a religious man, I am a very, very spiritual man.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I do believe that my God put a dream inside of me.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_00: And that's not just my dream, that's God's dream.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_00: And God wants to experience that with me.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_00: And that dream is so exciting and so fulfilling that I can't let this emotional intensity that this nervous system is trying to avoid, I can't let it get in the way.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's all the nervous system is trying to do is keep you in familiar circumstances.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_00: But this is my dream.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_00: The question is, do you have one of these?
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_00: Do you have a clear, documented, detailed vision for your life, which includes how you want to experience your health, your wealth, your success, your relationships, love, friendships, all of it?
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_00: And say this is the life that I'm waking up to create, and I intend to experience all of it, and I'm never gonna quit.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_00: But there's gonna be a lot of things that come up that make you want to quit.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_00: But are you committed to your vision more than the emotion that's trying to get you to quit?
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_00: You guys with me?
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_00: A clear documented vision is the very first and most important step to go on an offense.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what I do with my with my students.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_00: I ask them freaking weekly, daily, where's your vision?
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_00: What's it say?
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_00: Share share your vision with me.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna like it's my job.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_00: Now, once you once you documented this, it's my job to help you like get uncomfortable in order to achieve what you want to achieve.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_00: And that's when the Marine, Sergeant Kitko, comes out and says, Hey, you're playing defense again.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_00: You're backing up.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_00: I know it's emotionally intense.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_00: Move forward anyway.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_00: Feel the fear and move into it.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_00: My favorite commercial of all time was a CH 46 helicopter landing in a field, and over top the trees, there's fire and there's smoke and there's all this stuff.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_00: And Marines come out of the CH-46 and are running right towards the chaos.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what it says.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_00: Marines run towards the sound of chaos.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_00: You run towards the freaking battle.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_00: You don't run away.
• 27:26
  SPEAKER_00: You can't win a battle if you're running away from it.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_00: You run towards it.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_00: You run toward you hear the gunfire.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_00: We're taught in boot camp.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_00: You hear the gunfire, run into it.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_00: Because like they're in a safe position, and the only way to make them feel unsafe and get them all unsettled is to run right towards the gunshots.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_00: Going on offense.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_00: Marines don't play defense.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_00: We don't play it very long anyway.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_00: Does this make sense?
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna feel things.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna feel things, you're gonna experience things you'd rather not experience.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_00: Do it anyway.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_00: Suck it up.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_00: Get clear about what you want and never give up.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_00: And never succumb to not experiencing it.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's your dream, but it's God's dream too.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_00: God put that in your chest cavity so that you guys could experience it together.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_00: You with me?
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_00: Awesome.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_01: Oh God.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'll tell the story too.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know how much time I have.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_00: Guys, I I've had body shame.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_00: I I thought I had this blacked out.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_00: I've had body shame my whole life.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_00: Anyone else experience body shame?
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_00: Ah, awesome.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_00: Lots of body shame.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I wanna I want to overcome my body shame.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_00: There's only one one way to overcome your body shame is to show your body.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, run into the sound of chaos.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_00: Run into the emotion.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_00: The thing that you're you're trying to avoid, the emotional intensity of being seen, run into it.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_00: That's the only way to be seen.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_00: You can't do it by not being seen.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_00: You can't be do it.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_00: You can't get over body shame by doing the same thing over and over, hoping the body shame goes away.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_00: So this is one of our mastermind retreats in Nashville, Tennessee.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, I want to get over this body shame.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_00: What can I do?
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, what is the most, what is the thing that's legal that'll expose me the most?
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I would have taken it farther, but anyway.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_00: And my students had no idea, but I told them the story.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, look, we got to get uncomfortable.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_00: We got to be willing to get uncomfortable and experience intense emotions.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_00: And at this point, I'm I'm shaking.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, and I told them the story about the body shame, and I took off my clothes and I taught like that.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_00: I literally taught my mastermind and the students, right?
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_00: There's people that are well, I don't know if there are any of them are here, but I literally taught like that.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_00: After a while, they're like, Can you just put your clothes back on?
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_00: My wife, especially.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: When I took off my clothes, she's like, oh Lord.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_00: I want freedom, Rich.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_00: I want freedom more than I want comfort.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_00: I want my dream more than I want comfort.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm willing to endure any emotional intensity that it takes to get there.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_00: Even if it's exposing myself to things that it I thought would kill me because of all the body shame that I have.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_00: Are you with me, guys?
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_00: All right, into and through the discomfort, into and through the emotional intensity, not avoidance.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_00: Avoiding anything is playing defense.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll I'll end the way I started.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_00: The question is in this moment, with this decision, with this choice, with this thought, with this emotion, am I playing offense or defense?
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're playing defense, you you probably re need to reconnect with the dream that's in your heart.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_00: Guys, I've got I've got a workshop, a virtual, four-week virtual workshop coming up.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_00: It starts on November 9th, four weeks.
• 31:16
  SPEAKER_00: And it's over five weeks, but Thanksgiving, we're gonna take off.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_00: But the it's called choose your destiny.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_00: Not, it doesn't say chase your destiny, right?
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_00: It says choose your destiny.
• 31:27
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what this is all about.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's I am choosing the destiny that's in my heart.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm choosing the dream that's in my heart.
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_00: But first, it takes getting clear about what that is.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_00: November 9th to December 10th, four weeks, two sessions a week with me.
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'll be leading, facilitating.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_00: And the clear outcome that we're gonna get is hyper clarity about what it is that you wake that you're gonna wake up to every day to experience.
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_00: Clarity to finally have that dream, that documented, detailed dream that drives you.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna have clarity, you're gonna have a direction, you're gonna you're gonna feel a new level of inspiration, you're gonna feel reinvigorated about life.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's what you're gonna feel over the course of those those weeks.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_00: 50% off today.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_00: I usually ask 500 bucks.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's a value, all right?
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_00: 500 is not a lot for an event like this.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_00: But um gateway, you use the coupon code GATY and you get 50% off.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_00: The first five people that register are gonna get that 50% off.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the coolest part spend four or five weeks with me virtually, get oh, and get a one-on-one with me.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_00: So some time exclusive, me and you, so I can help you get that dream out of your chest.
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_00: But if you at the end of five weeks, four weeks, five weeks, if you've shown up, if you've done the work, if you've if you've absolutely done everything that I've asked you to do and you don't love it, I'll give you all your money back.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_00: That's how committed I am to my dream.
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_00: Is that I want for you what you want for you.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't think that that I've given you enough in that session, I'll give you all your money back.
• 33:21
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want your money.
• 33:22
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to experience your dream.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_00: I want your money too.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_00: But I want you to experience your dream.
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_00: Because I know what it's like to wake up and be in the midst of experiencing my dream.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_00: Because for 43 years I was a miserable, corporate, frickin' hollow, empty, uninspired, miserable human being.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_00: And then I decided to start a business.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_00: And now I don't wake up with an alarm clock ever, except unless we're traveling.
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_00: And I have complete time freedom, and I have clients all over the place, and we travel all over the place, and that's my dream.
• 34:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I get to experience that.
• 34:03
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to experience yours.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_00: All right, scan that code, register, and you won't regret it at all.
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_00: You'll walk away with the clarity that you need to go on offense.
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_00: What questions do you have for me, guys?
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_00: How long would it take you from deciding you needed a change to feeling like you got one?
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_00: You never feel like there's still there's always there's always another dream that unlocks, right?
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_00: As we as we journey.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_00: There's always another level, there's always another dream that unlocks.
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_00: The journey is the destination, it's cliche, but it's all about enjoying this moment as it turns into the next.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_00: And this this lifestyle as it turns into the next.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_00: So you never really get there, but you just you just experience higher levels of fulfillment and joy and freedom and peace.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_00: I experience those every day.
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_00: Is there is there another thing that I can tap into?
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_00: I got a whole lot more left in the tank.
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_00: I ain't dead yet.
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_00: Always another level, but it's about enjoying this moment turning into that.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_00: Great question.
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I kind of was there on that.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_01: Like from yeah.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, oh, okay.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_01: Uh all right, so like what she was asking from the moment you said to today, to where you're at, how long, how long to where you work?
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_01: Great.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_01: Not in the events, but you do every day was on the office.
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_00: Great question.
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_00: So when I did a year after I decided to start a business, I got my first client.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_00: It took me a year to really get some traction in my business.
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't immediate where I just decided because the the only what's your name?
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_00: James.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_00: James?
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_00: James, the only reason, um, the only thing I ever loved, I was a I've run, I'm I managed, I was a corporate executive.
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_00: I managed$350 million manufacturing plants,$65 million.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_00: The only thing I ever loved was developing people and developing teams.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_00: It was that leadership, the leadership thing that I learned in a Marine Corps that that was was was with me, you know, with during my corporate career.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_00: The only thing I loved was developing people and developing teams.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_00: And at one point, the decision was I'm only going to do what I love for the rest of my life.
• 36:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because I was suicidal at that point.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_00: I was 300 pounds, I was suicidal.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_00: Life, life sucked.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I'm not living like that for the rest of my life, which is one of the reasons that I filed for divorce.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, this has been damn.
• 36:39
  SPEAKER_00: I kept it in.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_00: I kept it in.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_00: Um I was so miserable in my life that I wasn't living another moment like that.
• 36:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't care how long it took.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_00: It took me a year to get my first client for the business to really start taking off.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_00: But I wasn't going back to the old life, man.
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_00: I I was so connected to this, and I was bleeding money, but I but I was so connected and so committed and so passionate that there was never any going back.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_01: So that that that's what I get out of it.
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_01: So it doesn't matter how long it takes to get from beginning to where I think it's like you just didn't give up.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_00: James, great, uh so here's something that I want you guys to take take away from this.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_00: The what, the what is absolutely 100% up to you.
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_00: This is this is your contract with God, right?
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to think about that.
• 37:24
  SPEAKER_00: This is your contract with God.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_00: The what is absolutely up to you.
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_00: The when and the how are none of your business.
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_00: None of your business.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because have you ever wanted something and it came from somewhere that you didn't expect, but you tried to figure out how and you tried to control how it was coming to you, the how is not up to you, neither is the when.
• 37:45
  SPEAKER_00: Just get committed, right?
• 37:46
  SPEAKER_00: Commitment.
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_00: Get absolutely committed and dedicated.
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_00: I will not not experience this.
• 37:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't care what the negative consequences that I'm trying to avoid, defense, I'm I'm staying committed to what I want.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not going to try to avoid anything.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_00: And if I die along the road, huh, who cares?
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_00: We're all gonna die.
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_01: Well, the other question I have is uh you said tools, but it's a clear direction and clear goal of the only tool that you just beat to death with this, and then everything else just came.
• 38:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's the start.
• 38:18
  unknown: What other tools are we?
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_00: So so it's the it's the ability to handle the intensity of the emotion.
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_00: So it's what in that moment when you're feeling it, what do you do with it?
• 38:28
  SPEAKER_00: You don't just you don't just ex always experience it and just let it be.
• 38:33
  SPEAKER_00: There's a there's something I I call the drill method, okay?
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_00: Most people don't know how to handle emotion.
• 38:39
  SPEAKER_00: No, most people don't know how to connect with it, most people don't know how to manage it.
• 38:43
  SPEAKER_00: And the drill method is when you feel that intense emotion, drop into your body, recognize what you're feeling, inquire and investigate about why it's there and what it's trying to tell you, listen to it a little bit, connect with your emotion.
• 38:56
  SPEAKER_00: It it's it's speaking to you, it's telling you a story, and then let it go.
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_00: You ever seen that when somebody feels some emotion, they take a deep breath and let it go?
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 39:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's what do you do in that moment?
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_00: So getting really, really clear, taking some inspired action towards your vision, and then when the emotion, not if, when the emotion comes up, is knowing how to handle it, knowing how to how to deal with it, knowing how to channel it, and then doing the thing.
• 39:25
  SPEAKER_00: Asking for what you want, right?
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, there's plenty of tools.
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_00: We just start with the clarity.
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_00: Without that, none of the rest of them even matter.
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't have the clear vision, you're just gonna keep living the same day.
• 39:40
  SPEAKER_00: So the emotion doesn't matter anyway.
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_00: Any other questions?
• 39:44
  SPEAKER_00: Great question, James, by the way.
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, both both.
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_00: Any other questions?
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_00: One more.
• 39:51
  SPEAKER_00: Rich is leaving me alone, so I'll I mean I'll start singing or something if you want.
• 39:56
  SPEAKER_00: All right, guys, listen, I'd love to have as many of you possible as possible in that in that workshop.
• 40:02
  SPEAKER_00: It will change your life and it will give you a brand new trajectory.
• 40:06
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care where you are, I don't care how many commas you have in your net worth, it'll getting clear will add another comma.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care how many zeros you have, getting clear and having having a clear defined uh objective, it'll add more zeros.
• 40:22
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care how awesome your relationship is, having a clear, detailed description of what you want to experience in your relationship, it will level up your relationship.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_00: Because we're here in this meat suit to create and to experience more, not to fight for survival until we die.
• 40:43
  SPEAKER_00: Defense.
• 40:44
  SPEAKER_00: Most people are playing for security until they take their last exhale.
• 40:48
  SPEAKER_00: Together, we're gonna go on the offense.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm going to, I'm going to inspire you to offense, and you're going to inspire me.
• 40:56
  SPEAKER_00: And we're going to build a community that is committed to our dreams more than our fear.
• 41:01
  SPEAKER_00: All right?
• 41:01
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you guys.
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_00: Appreciate it.com for more tools and resources.