Latest / The Steve & Jeff Show / S2 E40 -Granny Fanny

Transcript

S2 E40 -Granny Fanny · The Steve & Jeff Show

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Steve and Jeff Show, the first comedy podcast in the history of the world.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_01: Assuming the world began when I started talking.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_01: Be sure and follow or subscribe to the Steve and Jeff Show wherever you make podcasts.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_01: Write us a review while you're there too.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: And now, here's Steve and Jeff.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_01: Well, hey, thanks, Johnny and Jeff.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_01: What a wonderful night to be back in the studio.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_01: It certainly is.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: How's it gone, Steve?
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_01: The summer, warmer weather, are you spending more time outside, maybe take some vacations?
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, it's really a time that you start thinking about family.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I do at least.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: I start thinking about family.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's important, and you get to spend a little more time with them in the summer, usually.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_02: It is important.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_02: Now, times change.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_02: You know, you get older, your parents get older, your grandparents get older.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_02: Sure.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_02: And over time they move off and live their own lives.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_02: It seemed as though when we were younger, everyone was together.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_02: But I noticed for Passover this year, and you probably for Easter too, that not all the family's there anymore.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: You know the funny thing, we're getting older, and our parents are getting older, and our grandparents are getting older.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_01: And the weird thing about that is it's all happening at the same time.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: It's all happening, it's almost like it's organized.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: It's almost like somebody's making that happen.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I I hate to go to the conspiracy side, but you know, it's almost like somebody's arranged that, you know.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_01: I think you're right.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's uh really a sound premise.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: Easter just wasn't the same this year, you know, didn't have so many of our family members there.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: Some of them have died, some of just live far away, they live in you know, Massachusetts or Florida or North Carolina, or they live all over the place, you know, and they just can't always get back, you know.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's not like back in the old days, everybody lived in the same neighborhood, you know, just walk down the street, whatever, you know.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: You can't do that anymore.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_02: And this was my first year without my brother and his wife joining us for the holidays.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_02: And then, of course, uh Granny Fanny, who you know, we brought up in a previous episode or two.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_02: If you remember, she's the one that's in the nursing home in North Carolina and got her hand bitten off.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_02: The alligator, yeah.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: I gotta tell you, the first time you told me about Granny Fanny, this goes way back to when we were kids.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_01: I thought, is that something that requires surgery?
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I think I've known some people that had Granny Fanny as a condition.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it is a syndrome.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, maybe it's more a syndrome, I think, than a condition, really.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_02: Don't they put next to Granny Fanny that little emblem of an alligator?
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_02: I think that they use that as a symbol of the disease itself.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I understand the ISOD, the Lacosse people were all over.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: They wanted to copyright Granny Fanny, and some candy company sued them and said no.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: And court agreed with the candy company.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: It's like candy company won.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_02: You know, you can sue over anything nowadays.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_02: I think that's just so wrong.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_02: Fortunately, she's okay.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_02: I'm obviously she can't come here, but you still have your grandmother.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_02: She's still around.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_02: Is that right?
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: Well, funny you should ask.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: I actually lost my grandma a couple years ago.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_02: Oh man.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, she really missed her during Easter.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: I hope we find her before this year's Easter.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I have no idea where she was.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: She was right there.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_01: She was right there.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: The door was closed.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_01: I have no idea where she went.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: Just and then she was right there and then she wasn't.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: We lost her.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: So I just I don't know.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: Hopefully she'll come back.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I don't want to make you feel bad or anything, but it's important that if she is alive, and I'm assuming she is, that you find her because you don't know how long she's gonna live.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_02: So if you have the chance to find her, that's good.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_02: And then you don't know what would happen to her while she's out there.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_02: My suggestion is you might want to check the local McDonald's.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_02: You ever go to McDonald's in the morning and see all the old people sitting around drinking coffee?
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_02: I think they order one cup of coffee and then they stay there all morning.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_02: She might, she might be there.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, you're so right that you really don't know how long you have with someone, although sometimes you do know, but I digress.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: I that was my first thought is I went to the McDonald's.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we got a McDonald's not too far away here.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: I went there the first place I went, it was a lot of old people, but it's all like old men, and they were just sitting around there having coffee.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: They wanted me to join them because you know I'm getting a little older.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: They thought I was like their age.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_02: And isn't isn't that a bad sign that you're getting old when the old men invite you to join them at McDonald's?
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: I think well, even scarier was they were only about three years older than me.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_01: That really that freaked me out, number one.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_01: But then I started thinking, well, you know, where did my grandmother where did she go?
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, she was never a big McDonald's person, you know, she didn't have 10 bucks for the dollar menu, so she wasn't she wasn't really too big on McDonald's.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: So where does she used to go?
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: And then I remembered, oh, I remember exactly what she used to do.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_01: She used to go to the mall, yeah, to the food court, and there was a place there that gave free coffee refills.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_01: I think it was like uh, you know, like in Better Call Saul, you know, it's one of those roll places or donut places or you know, something like that.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: They gave free refills on coffee, which I'm sure they're probably out of business now for doing that.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: But she would sit there and she'd get the refills and she always complained that it's not it's too cold.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: So then sometimes she'd drink a bunch of coffee and she go, you know, there's a mattress store just up the escalator from this place, yeah, and she go there and she lay on the beds and complain there, you know, that bed's too firm, but you know, and she would sometimes bring the coffee in.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes she lay down with the coffee and she spill it, but you know, it wasn't that hot, so it really didn't matter.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, she spilled it, so what?
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I feel bad that I haven't found her yet, but you know, I just I'll tell you, it's been so busy with work and the podcast, and I don't want to say I forgot, but you know, I I forgot.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_02: The good news is that if you if you ever go to that mattress place, you probably get a good deal on the mattress she was laying on because it's oh, I'm sure yes, probably smells and it's got the coffee stains on it.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_02: But I know exactly what you mean, and you know, it is not that unusual to lose a relative.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_02: No, I was on vacation.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_02: This was when my daughter was just a child, and I think she was like around six years old, and we went to Wisconsin Dells, and you know, we were on this roller coaster, I think a big chief roller coaster or something.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_02: So fun.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it was like this wooden roller coaster, you know, and it just made all that noise, and we had such a good time.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_02: And when we left, we forgot her.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_02: You know, we were just having such a good time, and here she was in first grade.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_02: Well, she would have been in first grade if it wasn't for the fever, but then we found her just in time for third grade, and she caught up really quickly.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, everything turned out okay, but I know what it's like to lose a family member and to find one.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: I hope so, Jeff.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I I gotta tell you that mattress, if that mattress wasn't already on sale, it was on sale after she laid on it.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: Let me let me tell you the coffee and all that stuff.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my gosh.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: But you know, you're so right about finding relatives and just really setting your priorities.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_01: You just have to keep the priorities straight.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: We have the families, but we've got the podcast, and we've got the Jeff, let's be honest, the millions listening to this podcast.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: And we can't let them down, Jeff.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_01: We just cannot do it.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: It's like the old saying, family first, unless it's business.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_01: Now, thinking about Granny Fanny, when when was the last time you saw Granny Fanny?
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_02: I think it was after she lost your hand.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_02: I think that was it.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_02: And I remember we had such a good time.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_02: We all went out with her and sat around.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_02: We ate chicken fingers.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_02: I think they were chicken fingers.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_02: They were really dry and tough.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_02: And I think one of them might have had a ring on them, but they probably needed a manicure, too.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, I'm sure.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_02: But we laughed and laughed and laughed.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_02: And I think part of the reason we were laughing was because granny had some really strong drugs, and then she would share them with us because that's the kind of woman she was.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_02: She was just a generous woman, always was.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_02: And I always remember her for that.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_02: Well, she's still alive, but she's a sharer, she's a and sharers are carers, you know what I mean.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_02: Well, she shared her hand with that alligator.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: There you go.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_02: See, that's the ultimate sharing, if you ask me.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, absolutely.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, she didn't even deny an alligator, a beast of the swamp.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_02: Now you've met Granny Fanny.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_02: When was the last time you saw her?
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: I'll get to that in just a second, but let me tell you about the first time I saw Granny Fanny.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, or the last time I saw her until this last time.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: You remember that beauty rest store?
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: Something about old ladies and mattresses.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, my granny, your granny Fanny.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_01: Remember the Sunny Crest shopping center in Urbana, Illinois?
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_02: A couple blocks from my house.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_01: I think I was visiting you, and uh went over to the Sunny Crest Mall and in the beauty rest store.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_01: There's Granny Fanny laying on the bed, right?
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_01: Just taking a snooze.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: You know, she she looks so peaceful.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I for a minute, you know, for a minute, Jeff, I thought she might be dead.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_01: But she actually just nodded off.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_01: She kind of snored.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: I think it was a snore.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_01: I'll tell you, she was always a woman who knew of value when she saw one.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_01: Because I think, unlike you know, with my granny, that mattress was already half off.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: I think she even got a better discount from laying out.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_02: Isn't that the way mattress places are?
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_02: Aren't they always like 50 or 70 percent off the price?
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_02: And I think we know now we know why, because yeah, you got all these seniors going in there laying down and making a mess with uh the mattresses and they put them on sale.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_02: And I have to admit, I'm I buy I buy them.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: And some of that is hype too, Jeff.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: It's kind of like that aging thing, it's like it's almost like somebody's coordinating this.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_01: They have these big sales, and you know, my dad would always say, Hey, you know, when they get to about 85% off, they're pretty close to full retail at that point.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_01: You know, they're they're they're just about the right price, you know.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I do miss her.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_02: I miss her dearly.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_02: Although I do have to say that you know, when people get older, they just start complaining and bitching.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, in her case, because she couldn't talk, it was in silence, but you could tell from her expression that she was bitching.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_02: For example, when we were there, I think the last time after the attack, we were sitting in the dining room at the dining room table joking around, you know, because we were on her drugs and sure, you know, making fun of her new hand, and or it wasn't a hand, it was a hook, and all the smells that grandma was emitting.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_02: And then all of a sudden, grandma leans to the left, and Erin, my daughter, you know, she goes over there and afraid that she's gonna fall, lifted her up and put a pillow on her left side, and then we were talking.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you know, because that's the way that's the way we are.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_01: We're and see, see, she probably learned that when she got lost at Wisconsin Dells.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: That's when she learned that.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: And so she's a sharer, too.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, a couple minutes later, she starts leaning to the right.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_02: And so Kathy, she goes and she lifts her up and puts a pillow on her right side because we're concerned, you know, so we got her property.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_02: And then after a while, I noticed grandma wasn't smiling and she looked uncomfortable.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_02: And I walked over to her and I asked her what was wrong, and she took out her notepad and she slowly wrote these words they won't let me fart.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yes.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_01: So I do remember she was always a champion at farting, you know.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_01: And and typically we were, you know, young boys at that time, and typically young boys are the ones that really make a sport out of it.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_01: But oh, your granny Fanny really, oh, she was right in there, she was better than any of us.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I remember, you know, Fanny was her name, and well, I think there was a it was sort of a joke, you know, because her name was actually really Faye, but we would we would call her Fanny.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_01: Thinking about her, that gives us all hope.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_01: That gives all of us who are getting older on that same coordinated timeline that might be a conspiracy, you know.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: It gives us all hope that, hey, you know, I hope I'm farting when I'm her age, you know.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_01: I mean I hope I'm not there when you are, but you're oh you no, you don't want to be no, no, you want to be you know, be over there.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I it's good to you had the chance to spend some time with her.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: Ever think of having her visit you here and see the studio and see all that goes into the podcast here?
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: I'd love to.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_02: She would love it here, she'd be so proud.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_02: But the last time I talked to her doctor, he said that she definitely wouldn't survive the trip, you know, at her age and condition.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_02: It's just too much of a risk.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_02: Why do you ask?
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_01: Well, Jeff, turns out I have some very good news and some not so good news.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, what what should I give you first?
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_01: Give me the bad news first.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_01: Bad news is I'm sorry to say, but your grandma, granny Fanny, is from all medical information that I have been told in the last few hours here, she is going to die, probably in the next 48 hours or less.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: I'm I'm so sorry, Jeff.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god, that's horrible news.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna miss her so much.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_02: I'm I'm kind of speechless and kind of reminds me when she had her hand bit off and we thought she was dead at that point, and then but then she kept living.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_02: And uh, you know, I just wish I could see her one more time to say goodbye.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_02: But you know, you can't have everything.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_02: I hope she knows that I still love her.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_02: And by the way, Steve, how do you know that she's gonna die?
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_02: And what was and what's the good news?
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_01: Well, see, that's kind of the good news and how I know is kind of tied together.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_01: It's kind of it's kind of coordinated, it's kind of probably a conspiracy too, but I digress.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_01: This is the good news you will get a chance to see her again.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_01: You know how when people don't have long to live, relatives always go and visit them.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_01: I mean that's so typical, right?
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_01: Relatives go and you know, they spend whatever time they can with that person.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_01: Well, what if rather than relatives going to the person, what if you bring the person to the relatives?
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I did.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_01: I said, you know, don't go visit, we'll bring her here.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_01: So you will get a chance to see her one last time.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_01: I flew Granny Fanny out this morning, one way, of course.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I luckily, luckily the flight wasn't delayed.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_01: It was, you know, if this has happened last week, Jeff, I I couldn't promise you anything.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, you know, I flew her out.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_01: I hope I made the right call.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, you did.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_02: Steve, you are such a good friend and podcast partner.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_02: I I just hope I can do the same for you someday.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_02: That if you ever find your grandma and she's gonna be dying and she wouldn't survive a trip, that I would fly her out to see you one last time.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_02: So many, you know, so many missed opportunities to see her.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_02: You know, and I and I think of all the times where I wish I could have had her come out to visit me, and I never got that together, although I guess it would have only been one time because she's gonna die if she comes, yeah, if she flies out here.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_01: But what a final trip.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_02: How much time do you think she really has?
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_01: The doctors aren't sure, but let's just say it's a good thing that our podcast is no longer than 30 minutes.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, if you know what I mean.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_01: Look just on the other side of that glass here.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_01: Let me tap it.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_01: I haven't tapped it for a couple weeks.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_01: I my my finger's itching, I gotta tap it.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_01: Look who's over there.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_01: It's granny Fanny.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_02: Granny Fanny.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god, this is wonderful.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, true confession, Steve.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_02: I know we pledged when we first started to do this podcast to always be honest with the audience.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, absolutely.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I kind of could smell something when I came into the studio and smelled a lot like Granny, or if not, it was like my dog pooping in the studio after eating some of the poop from your cat's litter box.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_02: I knew it was one or the other, and yeah, you know, I I don't have a dog anymore, so I just it was definitely Granny Fanny.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_02: So I and then the other thing is I can see her on the other side of the glass.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_02: So I kind of kind of knew that was her, and I can I can see the hook.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_02: Which hey Granny, don't don't scratch that glass with that hook.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_02: That costs a lot of money.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_02: But, anyways, hi granny, it's so great to see you.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah, yeah, you're so right.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_01: Hard to fool you, Jeff.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_01: That's just her way of saying hello, you know.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_01: But anyway, I'm so glad I did this.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_01: You know, obviously it's made her so happy, it's made you so happy, but look, it's made her so happy too.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_01: It's probably the best day of her life, you know, not counting tomorrow, but you know, we we probably shouldn't count tomorrow, if you know what I mean, Jeff, right?
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_02: Well, we can count it.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_02: I I don't think granny can, and but I don't want to dwell on the negative because this is such a wonderful moment that we're together.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_02: And I Steve, I just couldn't be happier.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you so much.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, Jeff, that is so it's my pleasure to do this.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I always liked old Granny Fanny too.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, hey, hey, Granny, do you remember me?
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_01: I'll take that as a yes.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you sound just like you did 50 years ago at the old Suddy Crest Mall.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you look great, and I'm so glad that you're here today.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_01: You know, normally, Jeff, as you know, and as really uh the millions, come on, the millions of listeners know.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_01: We usually have a guest on the show, and we did have a guest that was coming on tonight.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: We had a cancellation, unfortunately, or well, really fortunately, I should say, because then we could bring Granny Fanny in, but we were gonna have Lyle Menendez, uh, celebrated author of the best-selling book.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_01: It's your parents' fault, stupid.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_02: I love those stupid books.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_02: It's the math, stupid.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_01: I think this one is gonna outsell Patricide for Dummies.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_01: I think that was that was, of course, a big one.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_01: You know, but uh, I think this one's gonna sell big this one looks really good, but yeah, I was really sorry that he canceled.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_01: But in a way, I gotta tell you, I'm glad that he wasn't here when you know your grandma's here in the studio.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we really don't need oh, I don't know, how should I put it?
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_01: She doesn't need any help, if you know what I mean.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_01: And so probably good he's not here.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I'm just speechless, kind of like Granny, and I'm so happy and I'm so surprised.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_01: I am so glad that you're happy.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_01: And it looks like Granny is smiling.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, like thinks she loves it here.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_01: Look at that smile, and just the the fragrance in the studio is just it just screams happiness, relief, and happiness.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_01: Scream something, that's for sure.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_01: God, my eyes are tearing up, and and we have a glass separating us.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_01: You imagine.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_01: Oh Miss Claire must be really, really into it over there.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_01: But I hope once I find my grandma, I can bring her to the studio one day, you know, as soon as we find her.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, she'd like to see how we how you know how the sausage is made, so to speak.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_02: You know, speaking of sausage, it smells like Granny Fanny had some for breakfast.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, Polish, I think it was one.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_02: I think so.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_02: You know, Granny, that stuff's gonna kill you.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_02: Polish and crowd, yeah.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_02: I'm getting it now.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, although I guess uh it your life can't get much shorter.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_01: That's so true, Jeff.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, speaking of sights and smells, I bet seeing Granny brings back a lot of memories for you.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_01: It really does.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_02: You know, we had a very special relationship with her.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_02: I remember growing up that my mom and I would go and visit with Granny every Saturday morning, and uh, I'd go downstairs and I'd listen to Bobby Darren records and play pool in the basement, and then she'd give me a pint of coffee ice cream, I think seal test.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, sure, yeah.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I remember that stuff.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_02: That was great.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_02: And then she'd send me out to pick blueberries or mulberries for dessert.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_02: She'd add a bunch of sugar to it.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that some people have uh accused her of triggering my lifelong battle with diabetes, but you know, I think it was just, you know, at worst, it was just that, you know, I became lactose intolerant.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_01: You know, though, you became lactose intolerant on some really good coffee ice cream.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_01: I haven't had coffee ice cream that good since I gotta tell you, that was so good.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_02: It was so good.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_02: And it was in those little pint containers, you know, cardboard pint containers.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_02: Well, no, my family's my family.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_01: We bought the gallons.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, did you?
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_01: We were, yeah, we we'd snort that stuff down.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_02: Oh yeah.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_02: Granny was frugal, so you know, she we would we were only allowed to have a certain amount, but it was enough to give me uh diarrhea for a couple days, so well, mission accomplished then.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_01: So what yeah, what other great memories do you have of Granny Fanny?
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_02: I think in some ways, my life is because of Granny.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_02: Granny was a tough and smart lady, and I think that you know, my wife Kathy was cut out of the same cloth, they even smelled similar.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm I'm not talking about blueberries and and ice cream.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_02: Coffee ice cream, no, no, yeah, no, but granny had this unique way of looking at life.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_02: I remember, for example, once we were sitting around the table, I must have been like 12 years old or something like that.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_02: And Granny was talking to my mom and she said, Listen, I need to tell you this.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_02: Um, as you're raising Jeff, it would be better for Jeff to get high and do drugs than to hitchhike.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_02: I think she's on to something there.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_02: Well, it's safer, right?
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, unless the drugs are really bad.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_02: I think Granny would be disappointed to know that you know I ended up doing a lot of drugs and now I Uber.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_02: So in some ways, I'm kind of doing both.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_02: Sorry, Granny.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_01: Kind of promoting hitchhiking, hitchhiking for pay.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_01: You know, if if you're paying, is it hitchhiking, really?
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, you wave and you call, but then you pay.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_01: It's like it's got a whole different feel to it.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_02: Plus, everything's qualified now, right?
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_02: I'm buying drugs from the state of Illinois, right?
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_02: I'm and I'm Ubering, which they do an intensive background check, extensive background check.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sure they only let the best people into my car.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_01: They don't let any hitchhikers in, I can guarantee you that.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_01: Those people are bad people, plenty of drug users, but no hitchhikers.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_01: See, Granny was on to something.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_01: You knew Granny.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_01: Oh man.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_01: You know, one thing I remember from my childhood was my, you know, my family.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if you guys did this, but my family, we'd always take these family vacations.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_02: And you saw your grandma, right?
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_01: Well, yeah.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_01: And grandma would go.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_01: Some of them were really big, like the New York World's Fair.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_01: Some of them were no big deal.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_01: Like we'd go to, you know, southern Wisconsin and You know, my dad had played golf and I'd sneak a beer, you know.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_01: But I mean, some of them were no big deal, but yeah, they were always fun, they're always these nice family vacations.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_01: Did you go on vacations with with Granny?
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, actually, the first time I went out of the country ever in my life, Granny took me and her kit, my cousins, took them to the Bahamas for a vacation, and we had an amazing time.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_02: And it was actually the first time that I think I was unsupervised being anywhere.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_02: I was probably, I guess I was like 13 years old or whatever.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_02: And there was this guy that came with us.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_02: I don't remember if he was like a friend of the family.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_02: All I know is that didn't see grandma for like four days and didn't see that guy either.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_02: Well, you know, it was just a wonderful trip, and it was one of the best times I've ever had in my whole life.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_02: And speaking of grandma's love life, Granny never remarried after grandpa died.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_02: Instead, she ran a business, she raised the kids, she did everything herself.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_02: She was such a strong woman, and the only man in her life that I remember was our rabbi, and he was so supportive, constantly coming over to the house, constantly spending time with Granny.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_02: And he was just a wonderful man, and he he almost became part of our family.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_02: He seemed like he was there all the time.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_01: That's what religious leaders are for.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_01: But you know, but it's funny you should bring that up about her love life.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_01: Because when she arrived at the airport, I, you know, I first went out to meet her.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_01: And when she got off the plane, yeah, of course they wheeled her off, but you know, she got off the plane, she was trading phone numbers with some young guy.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_01: Really?
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I thought he was the pilot at first, but you know, he was just some guy in the middle seat next to her.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_01: So that granny, you know, she's she's always out there, you know.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think she's probably gonna see that guy again, but you know, one never knows.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_01: You really don't know about these things.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, you you have a supposition, but you don't know, you know, and he may have probably had you know a head cold or some kind of nose problem that probably didn't notice the smell, you know.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_02: That would be important, and you know, now that I'm thinking about it, yeah, there there wasn't a big love life in her life, you know, she didn't have that because she was busy, you know, with raising the kids and all that.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_02: But there was also this kind of I nobody knew exactly where granny was from originally.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_02: And um, I think she took the that 23andMe test.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it was early when the 23andMe test first came out, and it just came up with this weird thing, like she was a cousin or a husband, you know, uh a wife or a mother to the same person, and it was just weird.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think those are very reliable.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, those 23andme tests before they discovered chromosomes, those are totally worthless.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_01: They only discovered those about five years into 23andMe's run.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_01: So, yeah, just the later ones are good, but the early ones, yeah, no, yeah.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_01: You're I'm my own grandpa, and yeah, no, no, no, come on.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_01: You give them 99 bucks and they tell you everything about your past life.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, come on, there was a fortune teller on Clark Street, Clark and Barry, I think it was.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_01: Uh huh.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_01: It was a fortune teller.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_01: Do the same thing for 20 bucks, and you got a happy ending.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_01: Can't beat that.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_01: You know, Jeff, uh, actually, as I look into the other studio there, it looks like granny's getting a little tired.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_01: She's kind of nodding off.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, you doing okay there, Granny?
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, you know, I'm a little concerned because you know, Miss Claire uh made her some tea.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_01: Ooh, I'm hoping she's just tired.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_01: You know, Claire was very excited when I brought her in here and was explaining to Miss Claire the situation.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_01: And Miss Claire was very excited to learn that she was coming to see you.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_01: I explained that she probably wouldn't survive the trip.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_01: Miss Claire said that she would make her last day very enjoyable.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I think actually what she said was, I'm gonna make her last day very enjoyable for me.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_01: That's not true.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's what she said.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_01: As I remember now, I'm remembering the whole thing.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, I think that's what she said.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_02: Well, regardless, I just want to thank you again.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_02: This has been wonderful.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_02: I I just can't tell you how much this meant to me.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm sure Granny feels the same way, you know, when she wakes up.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_02: All I can say for the audience and for you, Steve, is to Granny, I want you to sleep tight and don't let the bed bugs bite, or alligators for that matter.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, I think it's wonderful that we were able to give Granny Fanny such a wonderful send-off, such a touching final day.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe she's not gonna have any more days, but what a great day she had today.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_01: In fact, it was such a great day, and it was so great to see Granny Fanny after all these years.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_01: I think we should give her some prizes.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_02: Me too.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_02: I was hoping you were gonna say that.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_01: Well, and Johnny better, you know, bring him here quick.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_01: But Johnny, what do we have for Granny Fanny?
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_01: Right, Steve?
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_01: Granny Fanny or her estate will have their choice of final meals from the Automat collection of instant dinners.
• 26:54
  SPEAKER_01: No waiting while food cooks.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_01: When time is short, even very, very short, let Automat take care of dinner.
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_01: Automat from Appropriation Station.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_01: We feed them all living and dead.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_01: And for Granny and those near her, we have a limited lifetime supply of Fart Out, the number one gas-relief chewable, now available in flavors like McDonald's coffee and blueberry ice cream.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_01: Remember, before you hang out, chew the fart out, a leisure service of pharmaceuticals.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_01: And finally, and we do mean finally, we have a brand new ancestry test from the newest genetic testing lab.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_01: I'm from where?
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_01: This test will not show any connection between Granny and any of her blood relatives, but she is a probable fourth cousin with Steve's mom.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_01: This has been a global conspiracy production in association with OCS Media.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_01: Be sure and follow or subscribe to the Steve and Jeff Show wherever you listen to the podcast.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_01: Write us a review while you're there too.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_01: This is Jackie.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_01: I think Steve did a great thing.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_01: Letting anything spent the last hours throughout the podcast and so much to it.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_01: Miss Claire said she would take care of everything.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not sure what that means.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_01: I'm too scared to ask her.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_01: See you next time.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_01: Goodbye.