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Why Your Tears Feel Like a Weapon to Me and Other Narcissists · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So I've said across from people that I thought I cared about in
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  that moment, right? And watch them boohoo crying,
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  like watch them sobbing, their sobbing, their minds and their
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  hearts outright. And I felt nothing.
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  Like seriously, I know it sounds bad, but it's sometimes it, it
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  can actually be worse than nothing.
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  Like as a self award narcissist, I'm going to talk about why your
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  tears could actually make me angry or someone like me angry.
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  Why you're why you're crying can actually set off an episode of
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  narcissistic rage, right? And I know people were like,
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  wait, Lee tears make you angry? Why?
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  Why the hell is that? Well, when you cry, you think
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  you're showing me your pain. You, you're expecting me to
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  comfort you, right? Like anybody else would like
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  somebody from your past would comfort you, like your parents
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  would comfort you. But for me, in my mind, my brain
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  processes your tears as a form of manipulation.
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  Like I think that you're crying just to make me look like the
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  bad guy, make me feel like the bad guy.
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  Or, or, or to get outside of this argument that we we might
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  be having, right. I see your tears as a way, as a
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  scapegoat, as a way to just take an exit ramp for what we're
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  talking about right now. I know you like, wait, Lee, what
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  the hell? I'm crying because you hurt me.
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  I'm crying because you said this.
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  I'm crying because you did that. In my mind, you're not crying
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  because of any of that. You're crying to try to
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  manipulate me. And I know that sounds foolish.
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  You say I know people like Lee. What the hell are you talking
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  about? The mind of a narcissist just
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  works weird as hell, y'all. And I'm just keep the, I'm just
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  keeping it hot and ready. Like seriously, I struggle with
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  empathy just like most other narcissists do, right?
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  I struggle with like just just feeling what you feel.
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  I see the tears. I don't feel the tears, right?
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  So I think you're just, I really truly just think you're trying
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  to manipulate me because this is what something that I would do,
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  right? I think that you're using your
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  tears to manipulate me because I would use my tears to manipulate
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  you. This could be as simple as that.
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  Your tears. I know when I cry, which is very
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  rarely, that I'm trying to just divert attention away from the
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  actual issue. I feel like if I'm crying, me as
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  a as a narcissist, right? If I'm crying, I'm trying to get
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  you to feel bad for whatever you're saying to me.
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  I'm trying to get you to feel that some type of pain.
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  It hurt hopefully, or is it hurtfully, hopefully distract
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  from what is actually going on in this situation, What is
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  actually transpiring right now in this scenario?
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  I'm hoping that my tears do that.
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  I'm hoping that my pain that I'm showing you right now will be
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  enough to get you to stop doing whatever you're doing.
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  So I assume the same thing about you.
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  And of course, you have my offices by a damn Police
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  Department, which which can make me feel safe, but sometimes it
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  makes me just annoyed 'cause I'll be spitting some hot fire
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  and they just roll by, right? They just roll by.
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  So think about that, why you're breaking down.
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  I'm sitting, I like, I'm there. I'm sitting right in front of
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  you getting colder and colder. And actually, sometimes I'm
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  getting more annoyed, like I'm thinking, here we go again,
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  right? I'm think like they're using the
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  waterworks to win this argument. If you go back to my previous
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  videos, I tell you that I'm thinking in terms of wins and
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  losses. I'm thinking in terms of I did
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  this, you know, I have victory, I have power, I, I have control.
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  That's what I'm thinking in terms of.
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  So when you're boohoo crying, you might get a narcissist or
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  myself that steps in front of you and just ask you, are you
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  done yet? And I know that boy.
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  I know that that right there me saying that brings some pain to
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  some people's hearts. Bring some pain the way the way
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  some people are going, right? Some people think like, damn,
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  you really just do not care, do you?
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  I'm not saying that I don't care.
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  I really just feel like in my mind, like you're trying to get
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  over on me, right? I feel like in my mind, in my
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  heart of hearts, I think you're trying to get over on me.
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  So not the fact that I don't care, because if I, I, if I, I
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  wouldn't be here if I didn't care, right?
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  It's the fact that I think you're trying to get over me.
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  You're, you're trying to get something from me.
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  So that pisses me off, right? That gets on my nerves, that
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  might enrage me, that might inflamed me to go on this
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  accusatory attack. There's a tax situation that I
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  have going on. You know what I mean?
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  Because as somebody who has this mentality, This is why.
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  This is why I'm thinking, this is what I'm doing.
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  Seriously, like you don't deserve that.
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  Let me think. Let me do this in my mind as a
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  diagnosed narcissist right now that's been in therapy for eight
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  years. I know and I can recognize that
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  you don't deserve what is happening.
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  You don't deserve what you're going through.
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  You don't deserve these experiences, right?
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  But I can say this as well, I don't.
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  You might not deserve it, but this is how I'm processing it in
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  my mind. You might not deserve it, but I
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  have to win. I don't want to feel like the
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  bad guy or the villain here. So again, I have to paint you as
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  that way. My mind is doing the mental
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  gymnastics. Y'all remember my previous
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  previous video? The mental Simone Biles?
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  I'm doing the Biles 2 on the pommel horse.
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  Right on the pommel horse. I didn't call the pommel horse.
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  I'm doing the Biles 2 on the pommel horse and I'm doing it
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  like that because I don't want to feel bad.
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  I don't want to feel the shame. So I have to get rid of it by
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  making you out to be the bad guy.
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  So if you're crying in front of me, I'm looking at you like what
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  the hell is going on with you? Why are you behaving like this?
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  You're the bad guy, not me. You're the horrible person here.
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  Not I, not I said the cat. You are because you are doing
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  this. You made me do this.
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  You made me attack you. You made me say this.
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  You made me say that. That really realistically, is
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  how I work. That's how my mind works.
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  That's how my mind operates. Y'all, and I know it.
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  Y'all, again, as a diagnosed, diagnosed narcissist, I know you
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  don't deserve that. But years ago, I thought you
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  did. I thought you deserved it
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  because I think in like, oh, here we go again.
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  You're using your tears to do something to me because I would
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  do the same thing to you. So that's why you see some
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  narcissists get extremely cold with you when you were crying in
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  front of them. That's why your tears can set a
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  narcissist off you ever had you ever had a situation where
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  you're sitting in front of somebody crying and then all of
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  a sudden they start yelling at you?
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  That's what narcissists do. That's what I would do back in
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  the day, right? I would literally look you
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  directly into your face and just think that you're a lie
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  manipulator. So I would get super angry
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  because you're trying to make me feel like the bad guy.
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  So in order to shake off these bad feelings, I would just rage
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  out on you. I would go narcissistic rage
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  mode because now I'm yelling and screaming.
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  Now I give you a reason to cry, right?
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  That's the old toxic parent right there, ain't it?
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  That's the old toxic parent. I'm gonna give you, you gonna
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  cry. I'm gonna give you something to
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  cry about. And they had a parent and they
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  had toxic parents. Just operate right there.
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  You cry. I'm gonna give you some.
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  I'm gonna give you a reason to cry.
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  I'm gonna give you something real.
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  I'm gonna give you something real to cry about.
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  I know you like Damn, Lee. That sounds just like my mom.
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  Something my mom would say. Sound like something my dad
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  would say because toxic parents do the same thing.
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  It's not always a partner, right?
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  It's not always an intimate partner.
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  Sometimes this can literally be one of your parents.
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  It really can. Just imagine you boohoo crying,
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  right? Your child, your parent has gave
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  you a whooping like back in the day, right?
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  Your parent has given you a whooping and now you're crying.
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  And now there's they're threatening to hit you again, to
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  give you something to cry to cry about.
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  I'm a really good. You gotta shut up.
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  I'm gonna give you something to cry about.
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  Like, what the hell? What are you doing?
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  This is abuse. We didn't recognize it as abuse
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  when we were growing up. But like, this is abuse.
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  You're abusing me. You're you.
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  I'm already crying from abuse and you're going to give me
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  more. You're going to give me more
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  abuse for crime. So let me suck it up.
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  You see how narcissistic, how we could grow up in a narcissistic
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  household or a toxic household and that can affect this as
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  well. That can affect us in a negative
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  manner too. You see how that work?
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  It's all, yeah, it's all full circle.
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  Sometimes if we grew up in these dynamics, it makes sense for us
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  to feel this way sometimes, right?
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  It would make sense for us to behave this way or for us to
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  have this type of mentality and what not, right?
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  It would make sense for us to to not show emotions because we've
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  been shut down. I might have got to shut down
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  when I was little, but I told this story before of my my own
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  dad, right when we were outside playing around.
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  I need to do a story about this, a full story talking about this.
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  I got a short version. We were outside playing around
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  and my dad was like a a notorious womanizer when we were
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  young, right? Notorious womanizer.
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  He's just all we all they care about was women, right?
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  He was not an active parent. He's not a bad man.
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  I wouldn't say he's a bad man. He was, he had his own trauma as
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  a child, right? But he was not an active parent,
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  to say the least. This saying, Yeah, this saying
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  the least, he was not an active parent at all, right?
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  But we tried to play games with him.
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  And one time he hit me, right? He hit me across my leg.
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  We were playing the game. And I'm looking at him.
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  I'm just staring at him like, what the hell is going on here?
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  Why would you put your hands on me?
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  I didn't do anything wrong to you.
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  And I'm looking at him and he's looking at me and I think he
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  wants me to cry. He wants me to validate his
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  power by crying. So I told myself, I'm not going
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  to cry again. You won't see me cry anymore.
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  Nobody will see me cry because crying gives you power over me.
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  Me crying in front of you gives me gives you power over me.
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  So you can see how I took that in my childhood and that
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  manifested in my adulthood, right?
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  I don't cry in front of you because I think me crying in
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  front of you gives you power. So think about it.
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  You're crying in front of me. My mind says you're trying to
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  get power over me. Do you see how it comes full
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  circle right here, y'all? And again, I'm not saying that
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  my father was a is a bad man. You know what?
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  He had his own trauma as a childhood.
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  He has his own stuff going. I'm not saying he's a bad man at
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  all, right? I'm just saying, but this is how
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  these patterns get start. This is how the emotional
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  disconnect could happen. I'm angry at you for trying to
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  manipulate me because I thought my dad was doing the same thing
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  when he hit me across my leg, right?
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  I was like, he wants me to. In my mind, I'm like 8 or 9
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  years old. I'm looking at this man, I'm
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  crying. I got the tear running for my
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  face. I'm crying.
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  I went from happy to crying because he hit me, right?
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  And I'm looking at him and he looks at me and I look at him
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  and he looks at me and I look at him.
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  Yeah. Oh, I forgot who's saying that
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  song. I think it's art.
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  What is it? Yeah, but I'm looking at him and
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  he's expecting me to cry so they can make him feel better.
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  So it's like my tear that it's like the tear that was following
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  on the set up, following down the side of my face, the tears
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  say. Yeah, the tears say they got
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  sucked back in a tab. Tears say, Nope, you will not
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  see this. And I just felt like, hey,
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  you're trying to, you're trying to get over on me.
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  You're trying to get power over me.
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  So now as an adult, you would see how I'm looking at your
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  tears as you trying to get over on me because that's what I
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  thought my dad was doing. It manifested.
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  But because I've been in therapy for eight years, y'all, I'm
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  better at it now. Do I still when you when people
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  cry in front of me, the first thing I do, I do get up.
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  I do feel uneasy. I do feel uncomfortable now, but
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  like I take, I changed my mind. My mind has changed over the
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  years of that, right? I used to feel super
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  uncomfortable. People cried in front of me.
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  I still do initially, but take a deep breath and I think this
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  person isn't trying to manipulate me.
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  This person is really hurting. Although I might not connect on
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  the empathy part of it, a true empathy, I can recognize it and
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  I can be there for that person. My kids get hurt.
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  They cry. I'm like they're hurting.
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  Take care of your kids. Come here, baby.
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  Come here, baby. Come here, boy, you good?
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  You see? You see how the patterns I've
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  had to, I have to interrupt these patterns that I learned in
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  childhood, they have manifested themselves in my adulthood.
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  You see how that works? It's a yeah.
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  It really is a process. It's how my mind works.
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  You know, this is this is what I got.
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  It ain't much, but it's what I got, right?
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  And this is how my mind has been working for years.
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  I'm proud of the work I've done, y'all, because I've again, the
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  narcissist, the narcissist in your life might not have done
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  this work. They might not be prepared to do
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  this work. They might not be ready to do
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  this work. They can't.
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  They're not there. You know, there's nothing wrong.
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  I mean, there's something wrong with them not being there.
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  But if they're not willing to get there, this is what you have
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  to deal with, right? Please love happiness.
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  If they're not willing to get there, there, this is what you
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  have to deal with. You're going to deal with an
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  emotionally disconnected partner for the rest of your life or
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  until this relationship ends and this is what this is on the
• 13:58
  agenda for you Anyway, y'all thank y'all for tuning in.
• 14:02
  Y'all. If you notice, I'm posting less
• 14:04
  videos y'all, I feel like I've been overloading y'all for years
• 14:07
  and I got to just, I'm posting quality content now it is going
• 14:11
  to be less. I mean, I can't post every
• 14:12
  single day. I've been like I talked even
• 14:14
  talked to my Google Gemini and it's like you burnt out man.
• 14:19
  Take a break Gemini. Gemini said take a break Gemini.
• 14:23
  I said I said Jim and I do edit on my YouTube do audit on my
• 14:26
  YouTube channel Gemini said damn 8700 videos slow your ass down.
• 14:33
  You like you overloading people Just give them give them a while
• 14:35
  to take to taste the videos. Let them get a taste first for
• 14:38
  you to upload something else and that's what I'm trying to do
• 14:42
  y'all. I appreciate y'all so much
• 14:44
  Mental illness.net for all things Lee Hammock hit that
• 14:48
  subscribe. But if you haven't like comment,
• 14:49
  subscribe. I'm here y'all if you need me,
• 14:52
  coaching courses, everything. Mental illness.net y'all peace.