Latest / The Steve & Jeff Show / S4 E9 - White House White Friday Sale

Transcript

S4 E9 - White House White Friday Sale · The Steve & Jeff Show

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Recording in progress.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Steve and Jeff Show, the first comedy podcast in the history of the world.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Assuming the world began when I started talking.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: Be sure and follow or subscribe to the Steve and Jeff Show wherever you listen to podcasts.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: Write us a review while you're there too.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_01: And now, here's Steve and Jeff.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_01: Well, hey Johnny, thanks for bringing us into the show.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, before we get started tonight, I have to admit, ladies and gentlemen, our listeners, we were not nominated for a golden globe in the new category for podcasts.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_01: So I know it was a tremendous slight, a snub, one would even call it.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_01: But you know, our good friends Amy Polar and Smartless both were nominated, so best of luck to both of them.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: And Jeff, I imagine Chicago these days is kind of like working on Maggie's farm in that old Dylan song because the National Guard stands around your door, right?
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: How's it going, Jeff?
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_02: It it's going good.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_02: And just one comment about that.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_02: I think there's some competition between the Golden Globes and the potties.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_02: I think so.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_02: And I think the Golden Globes are really more for television and movies.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, they are.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_02: When it comes to you know it comes to podcasting.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_02: I don't feel bad about that at all.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_02: And I haven't really been paying much attention because I've been busy thinking about shopping for Hanukkah and Christmas.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, I always struggle on what to buy.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_02: How are you doing with that?
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_01: Think about shopping.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: I've been torn between buying online or going to the mall to shop.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: I've done a little of both, but the the mall is interesting.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_01: I gotta tell you, everybody at the mall is exactly my age.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: It's so weird.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: And I I figured out why.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: Because the younger people don't go, and people older than me don't remember where the mall is.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_02: To be honest, last time I was at the mall, I kept looking for the Amazon store to order online.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_02: So I I don't think I quite understood exactly how that works either.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_01: I spent a lot of time looking for the Amazon store, and people said, What?
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we're we're not in South America.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: What are you talking about?
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, they had no idea what I was talking about.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_01: But I wound up going into a Best Buy.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, Best Buy.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_01: Is that really the Best Buy?
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I yeah, I don't know, but I digress.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: But it turned out that all the customers in the store, they weren't there to buy those Best Buys.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: Uh they just knew the Best Buy had a bunch of computers up, and they would go to the computers and do their holiday shopping online, probably at Amazon or something.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: You gotta hand it to them in a way.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: That's great customer service.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_01: I maybe they should change your name to Best Service.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_02: I haven't been to a Best Buy for a while, but I know they're they're the best.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_02: In Chicago, they used to have a place called Goodbye.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and it went away.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_02: Oh gosh.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, they're gone.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_02: I I I think they may need needed to rework that title.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_02: It didn't quite work, but they always were kind of a go-to for me.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_02: I was just wondering, you know, if if you have anything that you found for your wife or your kids.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_02: I know that we shouldn't be you'd want to surprise them, except I don't think either of our families listens to our podcast.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_02: So we're probably safe here.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I could give specifics about every gift that I'm getting for every member of my family, and nobody would know it because they would have to listen to the show, which they don't.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: I I've started thinking about ideas.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: It's a little too early to shop because you know it's not the 23rd yet.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: But it's yeah, we are getting close.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: But I actually happen to be out and I did find a great gift.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: Believe it or not, I found it at this pet store where we shop for our cats.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: So you're buying Christmas gifts for your pets?
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_02: God, that I I can't even come close to that.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_02: I haven't done anything for the people in my family.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_02: You're making me feel incredibly guilty.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_02: I guess I'm trying to think.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_02: The only time I've ever given our golden retriever a gift was when we left the toilet seat up and you know, said Merry Christmas.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, there you go.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: And happy and happy new year too, right?
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but but while you're shaming me, why don't you tell me what you bought?
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: It was not a gift for our little furry pets.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: It was a gift for Teresa, and you know, and she's not a furry.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_01: Oh well, I every now and then we but you know, no, I I digress.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, forget, forget I said that.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_01: She might listen, who knows?
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: I was picking up some litter, some cat litter, and I happened to be by this bird section.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_01: You know, pet stores are they got all kinds of different pets, they got dogs, cats, birds, lizards, snakes, they got, you know, you name it.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: And I was in the bird section.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: I noticed there are a bunch of people standing around this one cage, and there was a parrot.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: I I got a little closer, there's a parrot in the cage, and there was a sign on the cage that said, This parrot cannot talk, but can sing Christmas songs.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_02: Just asking, because you know, I do buy some Christmas gifts, but mostly for Hanukkah.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_02: Uh did you find any parrots that could sing like Hanukkah songs, like Dradel, Dradel, Draydle, I made it out of a Persian cat or something like that?
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, but they did have one parrot that said Passover stuff, like Polly wants some matsa.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it was on closeout.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: Now, actually, you should get in now because the price is gonna go up in the spring.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you know how that works.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_01: Like everything else.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_01: Like everything else, but I digress.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: This uh this Christmas bird was really, you know, really special.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: Bird's name was Chet.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I don't know.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: I why would you name a bird Chet?
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_01: Why wouldn't you name a bird?
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: I who knows?
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_01: Why why not?
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: You know, and and so the owner of the pet store was showing how he got Chet to sing.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: The store owner said that Chet can sing these famous Christmas girls on command.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: He sings a couple of the Christmas classics and then demonstrated it.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I thought, what a great gift.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, this is the sort of thing that it's a lasting gift because the parrot's gonna live like 80 years, so parents could have our great grandchildren gonna say, Who bought this stupid thing?
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: But uh it seemed like a great gift, a very festive and seasonal gift.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: So if I got the bird home, I couldn't get him to sing.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: Chet wasn't chitting or whatever.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: So I called up the store and talked to the manager for advice.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_01: The manager's name is Skippy, you know, right?
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_01: Of course Skippy.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_01: I can you believe the name kids come up with these days?
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I think it would be different if his name was Jiff, but you know, Skippy.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, sure.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: So anyway, kind of I I called him and I said, just hold a lighted match directly under his feet.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: So I said, I don't know, come on, no, you gotta be kidding.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: Skippy said, no, okay.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_01: Here's what you do hold a lighted match under the parrot's left foot.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, did what Skippy said, because you know, Skippy knows, right?
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: I I guess, right?
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not trying to body shame, but maybe he was extra chunk Skippy.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know, super chunk, whatever.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: But so I held the match under the parrot's left foot, and you know, sure enough, Chet began to sing jingle bells, jingle bells.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: I couldn't believe it was amazing.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_01: I couldn't believe it.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, That's Skippy, that's great.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: They said, Well, you know, light another match, hold the match under Chet's right foot.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: And so I did that, and Chet started to sing Silent Night All you know, wow, this is amazing.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: I was so I I mean I was powerfully impressed.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: I was so glad that I bought this bird.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't know how to keep it a secret until Christmas.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_01: So I decided I was gonna give it to Therese as a pre-Christmas gift last night.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_02: Well, here's a tip you can put them in the fridge.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_02: That's true.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: They'll keep, yeah, he'll keep for 80 years, probably in the fridge.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_01: Keep logging into the fridge, Will probably.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_01: You know, so gave it to her last night, and sure enough, oh, she was so excited.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_01: Beautiful bird.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, you know, parrots are nice, beautiful birds.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_01: And so, can he talk?
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: That's a question everybody asks about parrots, right?
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: I said, No, no, and she's oh, so you got a discount of this.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_01: No, I but he can't talk, but he can sing.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_01: Let me show you.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_01: So took out the lighter, did on the left foot, he did jingle bells, did it on the right foot, did silent night.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: Chat just has this beautiful singing voice.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: I know parrots could sing, but this just unbelievable.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: So uh Teresa was a little shocked because uh holding a match to a parrot's foot.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_01: Does this guy it seemed a little odd?
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: It seemed a little odd to me, too.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: So then this is maybe after a couple drinks, she said, So uh what if you hold the lighter between his legs?
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_01: I said, Well, interesting idea.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know what would happen if you did that to me, but yeah, uh let's try it.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_01: So lit a match, held it between his legs.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: Chet looked a little confused, a little uncomfortable, but cleared his throat and sang out loud, Chet's not roasting on an open fire.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I think that's a beautiful story, although I don't know if you and I are gonna be able to adopt any pets in the future, you know.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we haven't done so well with adopting pets.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_02: That humane society, they look down upon lighting your pets on fire.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_01: Can you imagine that golden retriever lady with if I said, Oh, I yeah, I lit the feet of this parrot?
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_02: Oh gosh, we'd be although the smell of a burning parrot makes me hungry just thinking about it, you know.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_01: Well, it's like chicken, you know.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, smells like chicken, looks like chicken.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think this is really helping me, Steve.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_02: I think I'm back to square one.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_02: I don't I don't know what to get anybody, so I don't know.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe not, though.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe I can help you out with that.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: Did you get that email from our king?
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: It was called Trump's White Friday gift deals.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_01: I guess that's the alternative to the woke Black Friday.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: Oh no.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: I assume the white part is maybe because of all the snow.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_01: I've heard that Donald Jr.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_01: produces a lot of snow.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, he does.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_02: And consumes a lot of snow.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: Produces and consumes and transports.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I I did get that email.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_02: To be honest, I thought it was like from one of those websites that I tend to surf every once in a while, a little fringy, and you know, they promise you things like lowering prices and no inflation and you know, lower taxes, those kind of sleazy websites that you know they just lie to you.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, you go to that.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_01: Those links off Pornhub.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you know.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well, that too.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_01: I I got it right here.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: Let's open it up and take a look at some of the deals that people that that people and even you, even you, Jeff, can get for their friends and loved ones.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_02: It looks like it's the perfect gifts for those who don't have a lot of money and blame it on illegals in Antifa.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_02: Now that's pretty much America now.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_01: That's exactly it.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_01: That's a perfect 2025 American holiday.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: The website says the only two restrictions to buying on this website are that the deals can only be paid for using Trump crypto dollars.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: And they must be purchased directly on Muskmart.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: Got those two criteria?
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: You ready to do some shopping?
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_01: No problem.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_02: I think that sounds great.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just glad the king is taking care of us.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_02: You know, he is the true Santa.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_01: He proves it every year.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_01: And this is sort of to make up for the tariffs, but you know, if he didn't have the tariffs, he wouldn't have to make up for the tariffs.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_01: So maybe just get rid of the tariffs.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_01: That might be too easy, right?
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_01: He's apparently given this a lot of deep thought, such as he can do.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_01: But I digress.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_01: So let me go first here.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, I see that educational toys and educational tools are very, very popular, and probably for good reason.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_01: We certainly need to be smarter and more educated.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I, you know, I bet a lot of educational items are on sale.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_01: Well, with all those cuts, too, because they're probably just going begging, and probably great deals on them.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_01: Without those tools, uh kids would just stay on their devices and probably not on X, which that's a problem.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_01: That is a problem.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_02: And I think it's great the king is giving us these gifts to to make everybody smarter.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_02: And one that caught my eye was these globes, these globes of the world, you know, and they're so cool.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_02: I think most people they have no sense of direction, they have no sense of what's around them, you know, only on the screen.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_02: They probably don't even know where Africa is.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I almost forgot there was an Africa because nobody talks about that anymore.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: This globe costs a thousand crypto megabucks.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: And the cool part is that it only has northern hemisphere countries and continents.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_01: So none of those shithole places here that you know MAGA doesn't care about.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, no, no, no.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_02: I love that he's thinking for us.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_02: And I I see that he's also updated some of the names of the countries, specifically Greenland and Denmark, and of course Germany.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_02: You know, they're all now Trump land.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_02: In a sense, he sort of gerrymandered it, and he's he's good at gerrymandering.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, yeah.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_01: This globe should net about 780 Republican House seats of the 435.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I think he's really done it here.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_02: And and also we don't want to over-educate people, you know, because if you over-educate them, then they end up in woke schools like Harvard or Northwestern, and oh you know, then that costs them money because then they have to pay you know our king money just to to dumb me back down.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_02: And yeah, it's just it gets very complicated.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_02: So absolutely.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_01: Because those schools have to pay because sure would be a shame if something happened to your endowment, you know.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_01: Another category here I'm looking at is entertainment, you know, like music, movies, books.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_01: Those are always great stocking stuffers, and sometimes that's the whole gift, you know.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_01: What list would be complete without state-approved movies and books that of course our king is allowing us to enjoy and consume and and overpay for, because they'll all be tariffed, of course.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_01: No, we've gone over some of these in past shows, but what's new for this holiday season is a collection of videos that are titled Proud Moments to be an American.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I just am so proud to be an American, and and I'm looking at this and it looks like instead of you know those typical recycled videos of next door neighbors you know taking off their clothes and you know the Kennedy assassination stuff like that.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_02: Truly American things, yes.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_02: But instead, uh they have like current videos, like I they just uh I think they just got released videos of the fishing boats.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, what's that term?
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_02: Double tapping, I think it's called that is so cool because it's fun because you see the first video and people are shocked that they're getting blown up because you know they're basically just fishing, and you know, and then it looks like they've a couple of them have survived and then they blow them up again.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_02: I it just makes me very proud.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_01: That just shows how powerful we are as a country when our entire military can take out random fishermen.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, what what what country could do that?
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: I tell you.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_01: I understand if you buy all 22 fishing boat videos, you get a special compilation video of the top 100 most violent ice attacks on women, children, representatives, and clergy in their schools, hospitals, and churches.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I'm like, what would make you prouder around this holiday season than watching several hours of that?
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'm glowing right now.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_02: I I I couldn't be happier since we blew up Grenada back in the you know, when we did that.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_02: That was all about being an American.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_02: Let's see what else, uh, another category.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, clothing.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_02: This is a big one for me, Steve.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_02: People end up returning everything I buy them.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I get sweaters for people that I think are are cool, but or winter jackets and stuff, and and and my family they they always return them.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_02: And it just seems like I I get people either the wrong size or you know, it's usually they're on closeouts, so they're yeah, you know, maybe they're last year's clothing style or whatever.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_02: How has the king dealt with that?
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody's got that problem.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_01: I used to deal with it by just not buying anything at all, because that way you'll never make a mistake if you do nothing.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_01: You'll never make a mistake, right?
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_01: You you'll never get the wrong thing.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_01: But I love how the king has dealt with that.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_01: He's begun a one-size-fits-all solution, kind of like tariffs, you know, except he he customized that for a few people that talk back to him.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if you saw on on the website there the white sheet plantation brand, traditional oversized white 90.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, I didn't see that.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_01: It's just like great, just like the Southern Patriots wore just after the Civil War and and up until recently, in fact.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_01: It fit almost anybody, and it comes with a detachable hat.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_01: Could be a perfect Halloween costume.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_02: And speaking uh about going back to stuff that we were in the past back in the Civil War, how about those Trump face masks?
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_02: You know, remember in the old days during COVID, everybody wore those face masks, and now he's recycling them, which I think is terrific.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_02: And and I guess the brand is Ice Baby, you know, and it's good because you can put it over your face so that nobody knows if you're being naughty or nice.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_01: You know, that's at least one form of recycling that our king is for.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_01: Also, those masks are going to be great for Christmas caroling at a daycare center on side of town that does not have the White Friday sale, if you know what I mean.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_01: And thinking about protecting yourself, did you see all those guns and ammo that they had on sale?
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_01: Wow, it's just uh tons of it.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_01: It's a world-famous Capital Gang assault rifles.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_01: Oh.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_01: So here this we read here.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_01: Fire away throughout the 12 days of Christmas without reloading once when you use the special expanded clips.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_01: Great.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_01: And if you buy a gun on Christmas Eve, all background checks and psych evaluations are waived.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_01: Well, certain genetic tests may still apply.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_01: Now that's real freedom.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_02: God, that sounds perfect.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_01: And of course, it's only for real Americans who the genetic tests, yeah.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, for sure.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_02: And the guns always end up in the hands of the right people.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_02: So and what's great about it is by the time Christmas is over, it truly is a silent night.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_01: It it quiets down.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_01: You get your hearing back eventually if you're not wearing your protection.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, these are stocking stuffers, you know, stuff under 20 bucks.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_02: And there's three of them.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_02: Uh let me give the first one here.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, so this is a great bargain.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_02: So it's the King Trump official coffee tumbler.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, it was it's signed by the king.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_02: It's only 20 bucks.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, I'm sorry, it's$200, but the straw that goes into it is only$20.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_02: So I think it's still a price.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's a great bargain.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_01: I heard those straws are amazing.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_01: They are pure unrecycled plastic.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_01: That's just exactly as our king wants.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_01: You know, now it's not a lot under$20.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_01: Well, with you know, inflation and tariffs and all that good stuff.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_01: But next one is a real bargain.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_01: It's an official professional portrait of the lady of your choice.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_02: Oh.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_01: Now it says here, unlike those bad Democrat portraits, these are nude pictures, and they have not been altered in any way and are pure as the driven snow.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_01: Uh just the way a newborn comes into the world.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_02: So And and let's be clear here, it they have to be nude because otherwise they could be altered.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_01: Well, right.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_02: This way you can see that it's it's it's as clean as can be.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like you're able to search the painting, the portrait, right as you see it.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_02: And nothing to hide, right?
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_02: Except for the mask.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_02: You'll have them on.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, well, yeah.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, naked except for the masks, I should say.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, exactly.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_02: And then the last one is uh the crypto penny.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_02: It's twenty dollars.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_02: So and it's pretty much the same as our pennies, you know, which are being discontinued.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_02: So it's it's carrying on that tradition, and you know, there won't be Susan B.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_02: Anthony coins or anything like that, you know.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_02: It'll be a real worthless penny for twenty dollars.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_01: What says Christmas more than spending twenty dollars for a one cent item?
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_01: That's the beauty that our king has brought to commerce.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, there is one more gift to consider, and congratulations, Jeff.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_01: Here we got something just for Hanukkah.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, he's got something after all.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_01: It's a free trip to Israel.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_01: Sounds amazing.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_01: Have you have you been to Israel, Jeff?
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_02: I have not been to Israel, but obviously it's top of mind since I seem to bring it up in almost every podcast that we do.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_02: It comes up a lot, it comes up quite a bit.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but yes, I the accommodations sound a little sketchy, so I'm not quite sure, but I think the weather's supposed to be great.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_02: You know, right now we have snow in Chicago, so you know, I think that'd be great.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_02: And the war is over, thanks to our king.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_02: And oh, sure.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_02: And we have a chance to fulfill a prophecy if me and my Jewish friends go over there, so it's a winner for everybody.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, absolutely.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, if you make it a family vacation, we could still do the show.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we can still you could do you, they got Zoom over there, and yeah, it okay, they're still bombing and killing people, but it's not officially a war, so the war's over, but the killing is still going on, you know.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you know what I mean.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_02: It kind of reminds me a little bit though of last year.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_02: Wasn't it last year before he took office that we were going to have no more wars?
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, and uh we were gonna have a chance to go visit like Ukraine, or I think he called it old Russia or New Russia, but yeah, it'd be new Russia to him, yeah.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so I'm I'm hoping that that will still happen.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_02: What there's what a couple more weeks till Christmas, so yeah, you know, he could still end that war and and could still happen.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_01: Could still happen, you know.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_01: See anything else on the list that excites you?
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_01: I don't see anything else that's that's rilling.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_01: He is selling a get out of Mexico card for those accidentally deported, but you know, I guess a little late for us.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_01: Uh but plus it costs a hundred thousand dollars per person.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we're already out of there.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_01: 100,000 would be a little bit of a stretch.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, maybe as a birthday gift next year in case it we get redeported.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_02: I think there's a good chance we will.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, we could, yeah.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_02: So, but maybe not because I keep bringing up the Gaza Strip and stuff.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_02: I know he's a big fan, so that might keep us.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_01: Future hotels, yeah.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_01: There you go.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, uh, but you never know because when Santa comes to town, he usually wants to take people with him.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_02: So that could happen to us.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_02: So I don't know.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just glad that our king is thinking of us at this important time of year.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, these sales are all good beyond Christmas.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_01: They they actually go all the way up to January sixth, which I'm sure he's nice.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sure he picked January 6th because it's the feast of the epiphany, not for any other reason that January 6th might be.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_01: But but I digress.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_01: What's nice about it is it's free returns.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_02: Well, right, exactly.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_02: You can go January 6th pretty much every year.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, exactly.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_02: Well, now I feel better.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like I'm in a little better shape.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_01: What about you?
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_01: I think I've got at least a concept.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_01: I have a concept of my shopping.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_01: And and I think I think in about two weeks I should have a plan for the shopping.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_01: Uh and uh that would take me right up right up to about the 23rd, actually.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_01: So that does kind of work out.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_01: It looks like we're actually just about to get kicked out of eccentric Lady Land Studios here, but Jeff, I I gotta tell you, these items were so good that I had Johnny get some of these items that we could sell to our to our listeners and they'll be available to us.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_01: So have a good week, Jeff.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_01: And Johnny, take us out of this show and tell us about those great bargains our listeners can have.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_00: Right, Steve.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: Unfortunately, that website was designed by the same people who created our King's Other Businesses.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_00: So there were no actual items there, just our ability to pay.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_00: But I was able to get one item that our listeners will love.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's the official White House White Christmas album with a manga spin on everyone's favorite Christmas songs.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: Here's such musical gems as I saw three ships of Bernie, I'll fire Gnome for Christmas, Comingo Bells, and money.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_00: All I want for Christmas is a ballroom.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: Have yourself a gerrymander Christmas, supreme course we have bought on high?
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's beginning to look a lot like Munich.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_00: Have a killer miller Christmas.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_00: Oh pay, all you suckers, and of course, I'm dreaming of a Supreme White Christmas.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_00: All yours from my good music.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: This has been a Christmas on ice production in association with Ring of Ding King Media.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: Your website, Steve and Jeff.com.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_00: This is Jeff's.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_00: I never have problems by people like Steve Jeff do.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_00: I always know just what to buy.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_00: Don't tell anyone, but I got Steve's boba white ass faux gold bracelet that doubles as a flat.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_00: Should go well with the five-year supply of vodka I got her last year.