Latest / The Parenting Podcast / Table Guests: Dr. Kelly Stephens Adolescence Pt. 1 | Ep. 47

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Table Guests: Dr. Kelly Stephens Adolescence Pt. 1 | Ep. 47 · The Parenting Podcast

• 1:14
  Cheryl: so again, welcome Dr.
• 1:17
  Cheryl: Kelly Stevens to the parenting
• 1:18
  Kelly: podcast.
• 1:19
  Kelly: Well, thank you for having me
• 1:21
  Cheryl: again.
• 1:22
  Kelly: Oh gosh.
• 1:22
  Kelly: It is great to be back
• 1:24
  Cheryl: Hmm.
• 1:25
  Cheryl: It's good.
• 1:25
  Cheryl: Always look forward to this.
• 1:27
  Cheryl: the discussions that you and I get to.
• 1:29
  Cheryl: It's so fun for me.
• 1:30
  Kelly: Well, it's, it's very fun for me.
• 1:33
  Kelly: And, uh, most of the time it's just an extension of what I talk about every day in my office.
• 1:39
  Cheryl: So, Kelly, have you been on
• 1:41
  Kelly: vacation?
• 1:41
  Kelly: Yes, just got back.
• 1:43
  Kelly: And boy, how it was, uh, a, a tough week coming back after a good week being off.
• 1:49
  Kelly: Uh, but yeah, back and at it.
• 1:52
  Kelly: So did you go somewhere beautiful, went somewhere very beautiful to the beach sun.
• 1:58
  Kelly: Pool.
• 1:59
  Cheryl: Yeah, I can see, remember you were talking last time about sunscreen and stuff, but you looked tan
• 2:04
  Kelly: to me.
• 2:04
  Kelly: I put on sunscreen.
• 2:06
  Kelly: It's just, you know, some things get through.
• 2:08
  Kelly: You never
• 2:09
  Cheryl: know.
• 2:10
  Cheryl: Very nice.
• 2:10
  Cheryl: Well, welcome home.
• 2:12
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 2:12
  Cheryl: Thank you.
• 2:12
  Cheryl: Thank you.
• 2:13
  Cheryl: I'm sure.
• 2:14
  Cheryl: All you had your week packed when you
• 2:17
  Kelly: got back?
• 2:18
  Kelly: Oh yes.
• 2:19
  Kelly: Uh, they're pretty much always packed.
• 2:21
  Kelly: uh, Patience and questions and emails and messages.
• 2:26
  Kelly: So yes,
• 2:27
  Cheryl: you are a blessing to your patients and now to all the TPP listeners and you always have been to me.
• 2:34
  Kelly: Well, thank you
• 2:35
  Cheryl: I know in this case I have found a sensitive nerve Kelly because of how many questions I got so fast from listeners and the intensity.
• 2:45
  Cheryl: When I said, do you have a question on a.
• 2:48
  Cheryl: Boom.
• 2:48
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 2:49
  Cheryl: And I remember once I read an article and the author said, oh, by the way, if you put teenage in front of any other term, the second word automatically becomes negative.
• 3:02
  Cheryl: And I would say in our current culture negative and has fear to it.
• 3:06
  Cheryl: Absolutely.
• 3:07
  Cheryl: Let me give you an example.
• 3:09
  Cheryl: For example, if I said 30 year old driver, Doesn't do anything.
• 3:13
  Cheryl: You don't care.
• 3:14
  Cheryl: It's zero.
• 3:14
  Cheryl: It's neutral, but I say teenage driver.
• 3:18
  Cheryl: Yep.
• 3:18
  Cheryl: And the lights go off.
• 3:19
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 3:20
  Cheryl: And I think if we do it with so many things, teenage drama, teenage hormones, teenage party, teenage decision, making teens and technology and their choices, teenage pregnancy, they whoop, there we go.
• 3:32
  Cheryl: Teenage brings not only negativity, but like I said, I think a lot of fear an example, I can remember being at baby showers and the couples going, oh, and everybody's awing over their Uhhuh, little cuddly one.
• 3:45
  Cheryl: And then someone with an offhand comment says, oh yeah, you think this is fun?
• 3:51
  Cheryl: Just wait till they're teens.
• 3:52
  Cheryl: Yep.
• 3:53
  Cheryl: And the dig is there.
• 3:54
  Kelly: They should be sent home from the baby shop.
• 3:57
  Cheryl: well, we heard it as well.
• 3:58
  Cheryl: And then now it's kind of open season.
• 4:01
  Cheryl: To talk about adolescents like this it's everywhere.
• 4:04
  Cheryl: Movies, Instagram, offhand comments on TV talk shows stand up.
• 4:10
  Cheryl: Comedians means.
• 4:12
  Cheryl: And unfortunately, a lot of discussions, even in educational and spiritual circles.
• 4:18
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 4:19
  Cheryl: Um, and even.
• 4:21
  Cheryl: Parenting teaching and podcasts.
• 4:25
  Cheryl: and here we are, but not at TPP.
• 4:28
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 4:29
  Cheryl: You know, us, our heart is so different instead of bringing the negative, we do want to deal with reality.
• 4:36
  Cheryl: We want to be culturally relevant.
• 4:37
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm but we want to bring.
• 4:40
  Cheryl: Information concepts ideas and to not just equip the parents, but strengthen the family and the teens themselves.
• 4:50
  Cheryl: Absolutely.
• 4:50
  Cheryl: Yes Yes.
• 4:51
  Cheryl: To be realistic, but to bring in hope.
• 4:56
  Cheryl: Because hope is good.
• 4:57
  Cheryl: It sure is.
• 4:58
  Cheryl: And that Dr.
• 4:59
  Cheryl: Kelly Stevens is why I'm excited to be sitting across this table in front of a microphone with
• 5:04
  Kelly: you.
• 5:04
  Kelly: Well, I'm excited as well,
• 5:06
  Cheryl: okay, Kelly, how about if we jump into this, I had so many questions and it ran a huge gamut from.
• 5:15
  Cheryl: Simple medical questions about those years.
• 5:19
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 5:20
  Cheryl: To complex multi-layered issues about teens and culture and all of that.
• 5:26
  Cheryl: So let's just begin with What would you say with the people that come in your practice?
• 5:32
  Cheryl: What's the number one question you get ask about adolescent.
• 5:36
  Kelly: uh, gosh, in the physical area, it it's usually about weight.
• 5:42
  Kelly: Mm-hmm either too high or too low mm-hmm and eating habits.
• 5:46
  Kelly: Probably sleep mm-hmm is another big one there either staying up too late or not wanting to get out of bed.
• 5:54
  Kelly: And, and certainly.
• 5:56
  Kelly: There are those ones that are falling on either side of too earlier, too late, as far as the parent or society is concerned as far as like puberty onset mm-hmm
• 6:07
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 6:08
  Cheryl: So let's start out with the simple question.
• 6:10
  Cheryl: What is adolescence?
• 6:13
  Kelly: So adolescence is an age range, uh, perhaps.
• 6:18
  Kelly: Between 10 and 21, I would use that framework.
• 6:22
  Kelly: late grade school kind of morphs into adolescents And Adolescents.
• 6:27
  Kelly: Morphs into young adulthood.
• 6:29
  Kelly: Yeah.
• 6:29
  Cheryl: is there.
• 6:31
  Cheryl: definition to it.
• 6:32
  Cheryl: For example, I have a six month old grandson and there are certain things that when he came into your office, can he roll over?
• 6:40
  Cheryl: How is he sitting up?
• 6:41
  Cheryl: What is his verbalization there?
• 6:43
  Cheryl: Pretty easily defined.
• 6:45
  Cheryl: signposts Yes so scientifically what,
• 6:48
  Kelly: what would they say?
• 6:49
  Kelly: Well, let's say scientifically, uh, again, it de it depends.
• 6:54
  Kelly: I, I would say I guess probably the average girl going through puberty between eight and 14 and the average boy going through puberty between nine and 15, Mm-hmm mm-hmm
• 7:07
  Cheryl: So with the two different genders, I think it's clearer with
• 7:10
  Kelly: girls, right?
• 7:11
  Kelly: Absolutely.
• 7:12
  Kelly: There is a defined, uh, definition of you're in puberty or you are, you are finishing puberty actually.
• 7:21
  Kelly: Oh, when you have your first period.
• 7:24
  Kelly: Oh, so a girl has a.
• 7:26
  Kelly: A metric, a sign, whereas a boy doesn't have as much of a sign.
• 7:32
  Kelly: It's kind of easy to tell, but a boy doesn't have a period or a certain day something happens and then boom, they're a man.
• 7:40
  Kelly: Mm-hmm
• 7:41
  Cheryl: So with girls, like you say, it's a little more defined.
• 7:45
  Cheryl: What would you say?
• 7:46
  Cheryl: What would be the beginning flags or what to look for?
• 7:50
  Cheryl: And that's what this parent said, you know, what are the signposts to begin looking for to see when my child is beginning to move into
• 8:00
  Kelly: adolescents?
• 8:00
  Kelly: So there are the physical aspects, um, Pubic hair hair under the arm for girls breast development for boys penis and testicle development.
• 8:12
  Kelly: Some of those things are not gonna be on display for you to see that's true.
• 8:16
  Kelly: So you are left with less physical and more sort of psychological type, uh, signs like moodiness, uh, maybe a cyclic moodiness in a girl or whatever, um, changes in the voice, uh, of a boy.
• 8:34
  Kelly: True, uh, interests more in, um, Of different kinds of friends, different kinds of play, that kind of things.
• 8:42
  Kelly: Those are the things that parents can look for as hints, besides just the fact that the child's getting older and yeah.
• 8:49
  Kelly: Now is 10 or 11 or whatever.
• 8:51
  Kelly: And so you're kind of expecting those things.
• 8:54
  Kelly: Mm-hmm
• 8:54
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 8:54
  Cheryl: But I know some parents and their concern was, I'm not seeing these signs signposts of adolescence.
• 9:03
  Cheryl: Would you be concerned?
• 9:04
  Cheryl: Well,
• 9:05
  Kelly: Because it's a continuum.
• 9:06
  Kelly: And if you look at a bell curve, so yeah.
• 9:08
  Kelly: The majority of girls are going to go through puberty sometime between eight and 14.
• 9:15
  Kelly: Mm-hmm now eight sounds really early.
• 9:18
  Kelly: And, and when we sure does, when we talk about like the first period between somewhere starting at eight is medically normal.
• 9:25
  Kelly: I don't see a lot of boys going through puberty really early.
• 9:28
  Kelly: Yeah.
• 9:29
  Kelly: And, and I, I didn't.
• 9:31
  Kelly: That physical growth, like height growth.
• 9:34
  Kelly: Yeah.
• 9:34
  Kelly: And just how muscle mass and things like that can be part of the definition of, or something a parent can watch for.
• 9:42
  Kelly: And some boys come to the office because they haven't begun the process at an age where most of their friends have, and they want to do sports or they're shorter than everybody else.
• 9:54
  Kelly: Yeah.
• 9:54
  Kelly: And so a boy about 14.
• 9:56
  Kelly: That hasn't started.
• 9:57
  Kelly: Puberty might come to the office Mm-hmm mm-hmm a girl that's before eight or nine might come to the office
• 10:06
  Cheryl: mm-hmm so you're saying it's okay.
• 10:09
  Cheryl: Be relaxed until it really falls out way.
• 10:14
  Kelly: On the other side.
• 10:14
  Kelly: Yes.
• 10:14
  Kelly: It's not like the six month old.
• 10:16
  Kelly: That should be.
• 10:17
  Kelly: Front to back and be able to sit up.
• 10:19
  Kelly: And if they're not by seven or eight months, not gonna worried, but I may pay more attention to
• 10:23
  Cheryl: it
• 10:24
  Kelly: If a child hasn't gone through puberty at 12, I'm gonna get worried two years later.
• 10:28
  Kelly: not Worried, but I may pay more attention to
• 10:30
  Cheryl: it Kelly.
• 10:31
  Cheryl: What I love that you bring to this is the calm reassurance, giving parents more confidence that this age range of adolescents, no matter what its PR is telling them, isn't the big enemy to be feared or a scary dark hole to be ignored or just suffered through Absolutely.
• 10:53
  Cheryl: Yes..
• 10:54
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 10:55
  Cheryl: So another question one of the things she mentioned was sleep, and I will tell you, Kelly, I saw it in my children.
• 11:03
  Cheryl: Um, before I saw some of the other aspects of puberty is their sleep cycles changed.
• 11:10
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 11:11
  Cheryl: That their bodies begin to stay up later.
• 11:13
  Cheryl: And the need to sleep later.
• 11:15
  Cheryl: Is that realistic or was that just our family?
• 11:17
  Kelly: It's realistic.
• 11:18
  Kelly: I feel like it's been.
• 11:20
  Kelly: Co-opted to a point now by, uh, devices and, oh, that's true.
• 11:25
  Kelly: Huh?
• 11:26
  Kelly: Tom Thomas Edison and the electric light and all the things that have affected our sleep cycles.
• 11:31
  Kelly: True.
• 11:31
  Kelly: But in the days of the hunter gatherers and you gathered around a fire when it started getting dark, your melatonin level went up.
• 11:39
  Kelly: People started getting sleepy mm-hmm adults might have gone to bed an hour or so after the sun went down and then as they got 11, 12, 13 years old, the adolescents would sort of separate themselves and stay up another couple of hours.
• 11:53
  Kelly: Okay.
• 11:53
  Kelly: And.
• 11:55
  Kelly: Then they would tend to want to sleep a little longer in the day, but this was before there was yeah.
• 12:01
  Kelly: A reason to do so.
• 12:02
  Kelly: And so the physiologic, the evidence mm-hmm they tend to fall asleep.
• 12:07
  Kelly: A little later as adolescents and sleep a little later, they just move the, the clock.
• 12:11
  Kelly: It's kinda like moving your, your, the dial on your watch a little bit.
• 12:15
  Cheryl: Oh good.
• 12:15
  Cheryl: I always learned so much from you, um, who would love to explore even these tribal things you've brought up.
• 12:22
  Cheryl: All right.
• 12:23
  Cheryl: So here was a specific question along that line parents sent, how can I better understand what's happening in their mind and emotion centers in their body?
• 12:31
  Cheryl: And how would you suggest we discuss that with our children, both pre-pubescent and teen.
• 12:38
  Cheryl: what's really going on physiologically, which will affect their motion
• 12:42
  Kelly: So, first of all, the question about how can I better understand what's happening in their mind and emotion centers, I don't know that you can understand it you can be aware of it.
• 12:53
  Kelly: Mm-hmm and you can be sensitive to those changes, but everybody is a little different in the sense of what's going on in their mind and emotions.
• 13:03
  Kelly: You get the outside of.
• 13:06
  Kelly: so it is very tempting to wish you had.
• 13:11
  Kelly: Some way to look into your child's minds, emotions that's and figure out what's bothering them or what's guiding them.
• 13:18
  Kelly: But suffice it to say there are a lot of changes going on in the brain of adolescents.
• 13:24
  Kelly: They're going from little kids to adults.
• 13:27
  Kelly: Yeah.
• 13:27
  Kelly: And they're in this shifting gears through all the gears.
• 13:32
  Kelly: When we look at it from the outside, it can be difficult to, uh, understand, but they are learning to be more aware of what other people are thinking.
• 13:42
  Kelly: Yeah.
• 13:42
  Kelly: They're, they're more likely to test their reality against someone else's reality or test someone else's reality.
• 13:50
  Kelly: They have probably more risk taking tendencies.
• 13:54
  Kelly: And so emotionally when they will, um, A meltdown then you have to be quiet as a parent.
• 14:05
  Kelly: then I think you can sit back and wait a minute or a day and let them tell you what they were upset about.
• 14:14
  Kelly: Instead of trying to assume, you know, what they were upset about, but suffice it to say there's lots of emotion, lots of neurologic change, lots of brain connection, change, lots and lots of body change.
• 14:27
  Kelly: And the fact that there is this.
• 14:30
  Kelly: Spectrum.
• 14:31
  Kelly: Yeah.
• 14:31
  Kelly: Of when people start, you've got eighth grade girls that look like adults and you've got eighth grade boys that look like fourth graders.
• 14:37
  Kelly: Yeah.
• 14:38
  Kelly: And they're all the same age, but they're not the same.
• 14:42
  Kelly: Maturity level.
• 14:43
  Cheryl: Because they are individuals.
• 14:45
  Cheryl: Yes Wow.
• 14:47
  Cheryl: That's so good.
• 14:47
  Cheryl: Sorry, what I hear you saying is it's a reality.
• 14:51
  Cheryl: It's not just a hype up pretend thing.
• 14:53
  Cheryl: Oh no.
• 14:54
  Kelly: I mean, the teens are not Bigfoot or Yeti or whatever.
• 14:59
  Kelly: It's like a real thing.
• 15:00
  Kelly: And if you want to define it, you turn 13.
• 15:04
  Kelly: You're a teenager.
• 15:05
  Kelly: You turn 20 you're out of your teens, if you want that definite thing.
• 15:08
  Kelly: But it does it's so, uh non-linear.
• 15:12
  Kelly: Yes.
• 15:13
  Cheryl: so parents can relax.
• 15:15
  Cheryl: If it doesn't feel linear, that's normal.
• 15:19
  Cheryl: Absolutely.
• 15:19
  Cheryl: And good.
• 15:20
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 15:21
  Cheryl: And one of the things you said, I loved it.
• 15:22
  Cheryl: You said.
• 15:23
  Cheryl: They're testing.
• 15:25
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 15:25
  Cheryl: They're trying to figure out because they're becoming
• 15:28
  Kelly: right.
• 15:28
  Kelly: They're something.
• 15:29
  Kelly: So, so we kind of talked about our trip across the country.
• 15:31
  Kelly: Yeah.
• 15:31
  Kelly: As our family identity.
• 15:33
  Kelly: Well, they're beginning to develop their own identity.
• 15:36
  Kelly: Yes.
• 15:36
  Kelly: And it may resemble the family identity, just like the genetics of a child will make them resemble their parents.
• 15:43
  Kelly: And they may have big problems with the family identity at different points, maybe because they saw somebody else's identity and liked it better Uhhuh, or they just wanted to see, you know, I want to try something else before I commit to this particular identity.
• 15:59
  Kelly: So kids are more testing.
• 16:01
  Cheryl: But I loved again what you said about.
• 16:04
  Cheryl: Give them a little space Oh yes.
• 16:07
  Cheryl: But that's why I want us to bring down the fear and the negativity to give them that space.
• 16:13
  Cheryl: Remember if we've talked about yes, the bridge mm-hmm to keep that bridge open and then maybe come back and let's have a conversation about it.
• 16:20
  Kelly: And I think, like, first of all, the.
• 16:23
  Kelly: Things that you guys discuss here at the TPP table.
• 16:27
  Kelly: Mm-hmm, have given me a scaffolding on which to sort of begin to discuss these kind of things.
• 16:34
  Kelly: And so things like the relational bridge Uhhuh, which I think is good, keep my side open.
• 16:38
  Kelly: I can't be responsible for your side of it, but I can keep my side open.
• 16:42
  Kelly: And then I really like to term relational equity, which is sort of.
• 16:46
  Kelly: Yeah, family or relational equivalent to social capital.
• 16:49
  Kelly: Yeah.
• 16:50
  Kelly: Like if, if I've mainly been nice to you and mainly paid my bills on time and mainly done certain things, then you're more likely to be receptive to me.
• 16:59
  Kelly: Mm-hmm asking a favor, being laid on a bill, whatever, as a parent.
• 17:04
  Kelly: Yes.
• 17:04
  Kelly: If you've built enough relational equity through your child's life or through their teens and you respond and don't react every time they come in with what seems to be a hair-brained idea or concept or something they heard on a podcast or a TikTok or saw on Instagram, if you can do what the therapists say to do, and that is Uhhuh.
• 17:26
  Kelly: Mm.
• 17:27
  Kelly: Uh, mm-hmm that's interesting.
• 17:29
  Kelly: Mm-hmm instead of, oh my gosh.
• 17:31
  Kelly: Where'd you hear that?
• 17:31
  Kelly: That can't be right.
• 17:33
  Kelly: If you respond with interest, but not react, you will begin to build relational equity a lot of times with babies, they have these alarm things and they have these things that say they're not breathing or they, yeah.
• 17:46
  Kelly: Yeah.
• 17:46
  Kelly: And, and after a while, there's what we call alarm fatigue and you get tired of your alarm going off and you just ignore it.
• 17:54
  Kelly: You learn how, I mean, as somebody who spent a lot of time in hospitals throughout my career, you learn where the silence button is on the alarm.
• 18:02
  Kelly: Well, if your team comes in.
• 18:05
  Kelly: Day or every week and has something and it's some crazy idea and you react to it.
• 18:10
  Kelly: Oh, like with alarm then after a while, when you react with alarm, they're not as concerned.
• 18:17
  Kelly: I have built sort of possibly a reputation of not being worried about very, I would agree with that.
• 18:24
  Kelly: And so when I am worried about, so.
• 18:27
  Kelly: The parents go, oh my gosh, you never worry about anything.
• 18:31
  Kelly: What?
• 18:31
  Kelly: And so if a parent could be that, it's like, yeah, you'll be fine.
• 18:34
  Kelly: You know, we'll talk about it tomorrow.
• 18:36
  Kelly: What about, what if tomorrow this is, it's like, it's okay.
• 18:38
  Kelly: Time's gonna pass.
• 18:40
  Kelly: you know, it's not an emergency.
• 18:43
  Kelly: Not, not that it's not an emergency for me.
• 18:46
  Kelly: And not that you don't feel like as a teenager, that it's an emergency for you.
• 18:49
  Kelly: It's just.
• 18:50
  Kelly: We can sit and soak in this for a little while.
• 18:52
  Kelly: Yes, we can.
• 18:53
  Kelly: We can come up with a better response.
• 18:57
  Kelly: We don't need to react to.
• 19:00
  Kelly: Wow.
• 19:00
  Kelly: And then have to come back off of at some point, cuz I didn't understand what you were dealing with or I didn't understand the whole situation.
• 19:07
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm this is so good.
• 19:10
  Cheryl: Wish you'd been telling me this.
• 19:12
  Cheryl: Oh, 35 years ago.
• 19:14
  Kelly: right so another thing I learned from.
• 19:17
  Kelly: The TPP table and listening to you guys talk about things you would do differently.
• 19:22
  Kelly: Yeah.
• 19:22
  Kelly: Which was very interesting from the group of, uh, of moms who were there.
• 19:28
  Kelly: It's like, most of it was, I wouldn't have been so worried.
• 19:32
  Kelly: Right.
• 19:32
  Kelly: I would've enjoyed, I would've loved, but I wouldn't have been so worried.
• 19:36
  Kelly: And I feel like if I can instill that in parents yes.
• 19:39
  Kelly: That you don't really have to worry about that much, even though the world.
• 19:43
  Kelly: To worry, it sure does.
• 19:44
  Kelly: And worry and fear sells.
• 19:47
  Kelly: So I can get you to buy an alarm because there's been a burglar in your neighborhood.
• 19:53
  Kelly: If after a while that alarm keeps going off and there's no burglar, you're gonna turn it off mm-hmm But then you're gonna hear about the one that turned it off and then they got robbed or whatever.
• 20:03
  Kelly: And so then your fear comes back.
• 20:06
  Cheryl: and that's.
• 20:07
  Cheryl: I really appreciate about you helping us to bring that fear down and to the reality of what it is.
• 20:14
  Kelly: but yeah, So as a pediatrician, Adolescents scare me too.
• 20:22
  Kelly: a little just, just so you know, we have an adolescent medicine specialist in our office because truly when kids of that age group come in with the problems they come in with, it's rarely an ear ache or strep throat or something simple.
• 20:40
  Kelly: It often is that to start with, or a sports physical to start with, but then it's, by the way, he's really having trouble with anxiety.
• 20:47
  Kelly: We're really having trouble with his media usage or we're really having trouble.
• 20:51
  Kelly: She's depressed.
• 20:52
  Kelly: And I feel like she may harm herself or whatever.
• 20:56
  Kelly: And
• 20:56
  Cheryl: Kelly, that's why we're doing this series because those are the questions that I'm hearing.
• 21:04
  Cheryl: Parents of teens.
• 21:05
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 21:06
  Cheryl: I don't hear it so much from the young ones.
• 21:08
  Kelly: Right.
• 21:08
  Kelly: There's I doubt there's a podcast on ear infections.
• 21:12
  Kelly: So anywhere, I don't know, maybe the ear noses and throat doctors do it, but basically yes.
• 21:16
  Kelly: If, if I'm missing ear infection today, it'll still be there tomorrow and I can treat it.
• 21:21
  Kelly: Yeah.
• 21:21
  Kelly: But with the adolescents, it seems like the stakes are higher.
• 21:25
  Kelly: Yeah.
• 21:25
  Kelly: In reality, if you look at the statistics, they're not that much higher or they're not even as high.
• 21:31
  Cheryl: So what do you mean?
• 21:32
  Cheryl: Because.
• 21:34
  Cheryl: The pulse out there is it's skyrocketing and we are losing our teens.
• 21:39
  Cheryl: Yes
• 21:40
  Kelly: it's because we are all interconnected and there's no filter on the information that we're getting and nobody is interpreting it.
• 21:50
  Kelly: So in dealing with the fear mongering media, yeah.
• 21:56
  Kelly: And the lack of filtered information, parents are led to believe that adolescents are way more anxious, way more depressed way more often now than they ever in reality.
• 22:10
  Kelly: Definitely some of the things are up.
• 22:14
  Kelly: Yeah.
• 22:15
  Kelly: So we ask children now, or, parents and kids, whether they're depressed, we have a depression, screening tool.
• 22:23
  Kelly: Yeah.
• 22:23
  Kelly: And we have an anxiety screening tool, which these are wonderful if your child's having a problem.
• 22:29
  Kelly: And, and maybe even if you don't know they're having a problem, if they fill that out and you find out that's a problem.
• 22:36
  Kelly: In general, as we said, teens are feeling all sorts of things, changing testing, their friends are talking about these things.
• 22:45
  Kelly: And so then they get this thing that says, have you ever felt like or do you ever or does your heart race when you're in a big crowd or whatever, and then all of a sudden You've started answering these questions and you're anxious or you're depressed.
• 22:58
  Kelly: Mm-hmm and it's like, now you're labeled as that.
• 23:00
  Kelly: And so we're very big into labels right now.
• 23:03
  Kelly: And so, like you said, the adjective teenage in front of anything sounds bad.
• 23:08
  Kelly: So teenage depression, teenage anxiety, all these things are up, partly because we're looking for them.
• 23:16
  Cheryl: so What I think I'm hearing from you is The awareness of these more serious things and the concerns that are on the more serious end of anybody, but particularly adolescents, because we're being bombarded right now with an awareness of it and the labeling and the concern for the serious harm.
• 23:39
  Cheryl: That what you're saying, when you look at it as a medical professional, the follow through on the negatives is not matching the hype and the anxiety that the typical family feels.
• 23:54
  Kelly: That's great.
• 23:55
  Kelly: Yes, I agree.
• 23:58
  Kelly: I like the way you say things better than the way I say things,
• 24:01
  Cheryl: Well, if it's anything, I have the luxury that you don't have just to sit here at your microphone feet and listen to you.
• 24:10
  Cheryl: But you're saying the reality is, is we need to deal with these things, to follow through, but not always take everything to a level 10, right.
• 24:20
  Cheryl: Because the reality is not backing that up.
• 24:22
  Cheryl: Right.
• 24:23
  Kelly: So the unfiltered.
• 24:25
  Kelly: Information hype is that all these things are affecting teenagers and causing all sorts of problems.
• 24:32
  Kelly: And they're rising.
• 24:34
  Kelly: The reality is that they're not lasting most of the time.
• 24:40
  Kelly: They are temporary most of the time.
• 24:43
  Kelly: They're not necessarily affecting anyone any more than ever.
• 24:47
  Kelly: most of the time It's just that now we.
• 24:51
  Kelly: People about them instead of we don't ask them.
• 24:54
  Kelly: Now I could be accused of putting my head in the sand and living back in the eighties or something, but in reality, the majority of teenagers are going to have days when they're depressed and days when they're anxious.
• 25:08
  Kelly: It's how many times did you sweat through a shirt right before you had to give a speech or right before a football game or a, a date, a date or any of those kind of things, or you fail to test and you're like, oh, this is so terrible.
• 25:22
  Kelly: So it's normal to have variations in your emotions.
• 25:27
  Kelly: And just because sometimes they dip low enough to be considered.
• 25:30
  Kelly: Depression, as long as they don't stay there, or as long as they aren't continuing in an anxiety state, that affects how you perform in general in life.
• 25:41
  Kelly: They are just normal.
• 25:43
  Kelly: Pieces of the spectrum of adolescence.
• 25:46
  Kelly: most of the time
• 25:47
  Cheryl: So in general, Kelly, if you could sum it up, what I think I'm hearing from you is parents stay engaged and listen, but don't get sucked in.
• 25:58
  Cheryl: To the hype and the fear.
• 26:00
  Kelly: Yes, absolutely.
• 26:01
  Kelly: I feel like if you can practice, I'll say it again, responding instead of reacting, uh, being a listening and a caring parent and an interested parent, but not with a critical.
• 26:14
  Kelly: idea or a critical face even, or absolutely fearful, right?
• 26:20
  Kelly: Yeah.
• 26:20
  Kelly: Like, like I'm going to have to call the nine one one right now because of what you've said, mm-hmm but so if you have as a parent care and interest in your adolescent, when they talk to you or any child, when they talk to you, but answer and or.
• 26:40
  Kelly: without criticism with interest.
• 26:43
  Kelly: And again, even if you don't have any answer, it's okay to say we don't need to answer that today.
• 26:51
  Cheryl: that's a really good answer.
• 26:52
  Cheryl: We have time.
• 26:54
  Cheryl: I like that.
• 26:55
  Cheryl: I love this equipping.
• 26:57
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 26:57
  Cheryl: well, Kelly, So do you have some books or resources that you would recommend that would support what you're saying or equip the
• 27:06
  Kelly: parents?
• 27:06
  Kelly: Absolutely.
• 27:07
  Kelly: Absolutely.
• 27:08
  Kelly: I do for the age groups we're discussing?
• 27:11
  Kelly: I think the, my number one book is called the gift of failure.
• 27:16
  Kelly: It's by a mom of a middle school.
• 27:20
  Kelly: Boy or boys, I think, uh, and she's a teacher at.
• 27:25
  Kelly: Fancy school somewhere, so she understands it.
• 27:28
  Kelly: She's not just riding.
• 27:29
  Kelly: Yeah.
• 27:29
  Kelly: Dry.
• 27:30
  Kelly: Yeah.
• 27:30
  Kelly: But she's talking about how important it is to let our kids fail.
• 27:34
  Kelly: So many times we are afraid of failure in our children.
• 27:38
  Kelly: We want to prepare the road for the child instead of the child for the road.
• 27:42
  Kelly: And if they Don.
• 27:44
  Kelly: You know, get to the exit.
• 27:46
  Kelly: We thought they were gonna get to at a certain time, then we've failed.
• 27:49
  Kelly: Because as Christie has said, several times, we have this idea that how our children turn out is yeah.
• 27:56
  Kelly: Is based on how we parented them.
• 27:59
  Kelly: Yeah.
• 27:59
  Kelly: And that is definitely not the case.
• 28:00
  Kelly: They are not cookies.
• 28:01
  Kelly: Like you guys have talked about and.
• 28:04
  Kelly: it's not a formula.
• 28:06
  Kelly: You're dealing with a human being.
• 28:08
  Kelly: So letting them fail and figure out how to fix their failures, letting them suffer consequences so that when they are tossed out in that big, bad world and their boss says, I'm sorry, I know you stayed up late playing video games, but your work starts at eight.
• 28:22
  Kelly: You're fired.
• 28:23
  Kelly: And, and they're like, well, that's not fair.
• 28:25
  Kelly: It's like, I'm sorry.
• 28:27
  Kelly: So that's number one.
• 28:28
  Kelly: The gift of failure, probably number two.
• 28:33
  Kelly: How to raise an adult.
• 28:35
  Kelly: Oh, in the middle of how to raise an adult is a kind of an appendix.
• 28:38
  Kelly: They put the appendix in the middle on giving various age groups, certain responsibilities, mm-hmm and just a broad picture of, of personal responsibility, house responsibility, financial responsibility, they get older.
• 28:52
  Cheryl: Excellent.
• 28:53
  Cheryl: I love that.
• 28:54
  Cheryl: Quote, Kelly.
• 28:56
  Cheryl: Don't prepare the road for your kids, but prepare your kids for the roads.
• 29:01
  Cheryl: And I
• 29:01
  Kelly: totally stole that so
• 29:03
  Cheryl: well, it's a great one.
• 29:04
  Cheryl: We're stealing, uh, Kelly.
• 29:07
  Cheryl: We've gotta come back in next month and talk some more.
• 29:10
  Kelly: Absolutely.
• 29:11
  Cheryl: I have a stack as.
• 29:13
  Cheryl: High as my shoulder questions that parents have sent in parents.
• 29:18
  Cheryl: If you want us to cover your questions, you better contact
• 29:20
  Kelly: us.
• 29:21
  Kelly: If they need short, succinct answers with lots of statistics.
• 29:25
  Kelly: Give me a lot of time to gather those.
• 29:28
  Kelly: I have an opinion on everything.
• 29:30
  Kelly: Good.
• 29:30
  Kelly: and a long answer to everything.
• 29:32
  Kelly: It's the short ones I have trouble with.
• 29:35
  Cheryl: Oh, my goodness Well, Let me give you some rapid fires.
• 29:38
  Cheryl: as We wrap up here cuz our time has gone from us.
• 29:42
  Cheryl: Um, first question, and this is from me and it happened yesterday and I noticed it in my children.
• 29:49
  Cheryl: When you have a little baby that's fussy and it's not time to sleep.
• 29:53
  Cheryl: They're just fussy.
• 29:54
  Cheryl: If we take them outside, they are completely content.
• 29:59
  Cheryl: And I'm not talking about a toddler.
• 30:01
  Cheryl: I'm talking about a little baby from your medical expertise.
• 30:05
  Cheryl: Is there a reason why being outside would soothe an.
• 30:09
  Kelly: well, you could probably turn your phone on and let'em watch YouTube kids and get the same response, but it's a change.
• 30:18
  Kelly: It's a positive change.
• 30:19
  Kelly: Maybe there was a little boredom involved in him, not, not wanting to keep watching you guys do what you were doing.
• 30:26
  Kelly: And then you take'em outside and there's lots to see and it feels different.
• 30:31
  Kelly: And so in some ways, change is good.
• 30:33
  Kelly: And in that situation, changing your child's.
• 30:37
  Kelly: Changes their, their
• 30:38
  Cheryl: attitude.
• 30:39
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 30:39
  Cheryl: Number two, does Garling with salt water actually help a sore threat.
• 30:44
  Cheryl: It could.
• 30:45
  Kelly: with.
• 30:46
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 30:47
  Cheryl: And if you could give one suggestion to help people have a healthier life physiologically.
• 30:55
  Cheryl: Would it be a supplement food, a lifestyle change?
• 30:58
  Cheryl: What if you could only give one suggestion to families to improve their health?
• 31:03
  Cheryl: What would it be sleep?
• 31:05
  Kelly: Well, ideally your parents are gonna say, you need to study hard.
• 31:10
  Kelly: You need to keep exercising.
• 31:12
  Kelly: You need to eat right.
• 31:14
  Kelly: And they may say, you need to get plenty of sleep.
• 31:16
  Kelly: I say, if you can only do one of those things, get plenty of sleep.
• 31:21
  Kelly: Wow.
• 31:22
  Kelly: Your brain.
• 31:23
  Kelly: And we've talked about these adolescents and their brains are changing and things are getting stuck in, plugged in, unplugged, moved around.
• 31:31
  Kelly: If you don't sleep.
• 31:32
  Kelly: That's when those things happen, your brain gets a cleaning every night when you sleep.
• 31:37
  Kelly: But if you don't sleep very much, you don't get it cleaned.
• 31:40
  Kelly: And then it's got a whole bunch of old stuff and old connections you don't need.
• 31:44
  Kelly: So, sleeping is, would be the most important thing.
• 31:48
  Cheryl: And you would include parents
• 31:50
  Kelly: in that as well.
• 31:50
  Kelly: Oh yeah.
• 31:51
  Cheryl: Oh, Kelly.
• 31:52
  Cheryl: That clock ticks so fast.
• 31:53
  Cheryl: When we're together, please.
• 31:55
  Cheryl: You will come back next month.
• 31:56
  Cheryl: Won't you?
• 31:57
  Cheryl: Yes, I will.
• 31:58
  Cheryl: Thank you so much.
• 31:59
  Kelly: It was great.
• 32:00
  Cheryl: So moms and dads, parents hang in there.
• 32:04
  Cheryl: Keep loving, keep persevering because it's worth it.
• 32:08
  Kelly: Yes, it is.
• 32:09
  Cheryl: Dr.
• 32:09
  Cheryl: Stevens portion of this podcast is for general informational purposes only, and does not constitute the practice of medicine, nursing, or other professional healthcare services, including the giving of medical advice.
• 32:25
  Cheryl: No doctor patient relationship is formed.
• 32:28
  Cheryl: The use of the information from Dr.
• 32:30
  Cheryl: Stevens portion of this podcast is at the user's own risk.
• 32:35
  Cheryl: The content of Dr.
• 32:36
  Cheryl: Stephens portion of this podcast is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment