Latest / Your Money, Your Rules | Financial Mastery, Wealth Mindset, Leadership Principles, Intuitive Decision-Making, Human Design / 118 | You Don’t Need More Money—You Need Nervous System Regulation: Heal Your Scarcity Mindset and Redefine Financial Freedom
Transcript
- 0:00Erin Gray: And today I am going to be talking about how many so many of us might actually feel secure on paper, like we look really good on paper and yet feel so much scarcity inside our bodies, and I'm going to be sharing my take on what we have been taught what financial freedom actually is, although it doesn't always feel free in our bodies, and what to do about it.
- 0:28Erin Gray: Do you want to create a system to stop avoiding your money?
- 0:30Erin Gray: Maybe you're feeling guilt and shame when it comes to your finances.
- 0:34Erin Gray: Welcome to your Money, your Rules.
- 0:37Erin Gray: I'm Erin, a former certified financial planner and CFO, and yet I used to avoid my money and had fear, no matter how much we had.
- 0:46Erin Gray: I can't wait to teach you how I overcame my money avoidance and started consistently managing my finances in a really simple way.
- 0:54Erin Gray: It's time to get comfortable with money.
- 0:56Erin Gray: If you've been listening for a while I want to say thank you.
- 1:00Erin Gray: I think podcasting is such a sacred thing.
- 1:04Erin Gray: I'm in your ear twice a week and I just want you to know that I really value you and if you're new here, welcome.
- 1:13Erin Gray: My intention for every episode that you listen to is to become more self-aware.
- 1:21Erin Gray: And then take one thing, just one, because I used to be like the ultimate consumer, but just take one thing that I have discussed in this episode, or in each episode, and use it to transform your life.
- 1:34Erin Gray: Knowledge is amazing, but it only gets us so far.
- 1:39Erin Gray: It's when we actually take action.
- 1:41Erin Gray: That is when our life changes.
- 1:43Erin Gray: So, if you have been feeling disconnected from your money, maybe you it looks like you avoid QuickBooks, or you don't, you know look at your books as often, or you don't look at your personal finances as often.
- 1:55Erin Gray: You might be skipping meetings or like pushing them back with your financial advisor.
- 2:00Erin Gray: Or maybe you're just feeling like you should feel better than you do, which, should you know, is very much coming from the mind.
- 2:11Erin Gray: But if you know in your body that you want to feel better than what you actually do with money, I want you to know that there is nothing wrong with you.
- 2:19Erin Gray: This is what so many of my clients have actually faced when we first work together and they come to me and if this resonates with you, I want to be able to support you in the one hour one-on-one coaching sessions that we would do to.
- 2:34Erin Gray: Together, we will work on healing the emotional and the nervous system responses that are keeping you in that cycle of feeling the shame and the fear or the avoidance, so that you can actually enjoy your money, like the whole point of having money is to enjoy our money, is to circulate, it is to invest, it is to have fun with it, is to spend it on things that we love, is to allocate it.
- 3:02Erin Gray: And so all of the strategies and the how to's in the world, they don't matter if you don't deal with the deeper cause that is creating this in your nervous system.
- 3:13Erin Gray: And ultimately, it is to feel safe and to feel sufficient and abundant with your money.
- 3:20Erin Gray: And in doing so, when you feel safe and you feel abundant, right, we have shifted the identity of who you are, your beliefs, around money, to be someone who feels safe with their money.
- 3:32Erin Gray: You can schedule a session by heading over to my website, generatealifewelllivedcom, or you can click the link on the show notes and I would love to support you.
- 3:41Erin Gray: So let's talk about nervous system and financial freedom.
- 3:47Erin Gray: I love talking about the nervous system with money.
- 3:49Erin Gray: I think a lot of money mindset you want to call them coaches, I don't know what to you know like a lot of the, the self-development with money mindset.
- 3:58Erin Gray: Money mindset is just one, really one third, of changing your relationship with money.
- 4:05Erin Gray: I think a lot of it comes from the other third is you know your spirit, god, source, universe, divine, whatever you want to say, like your relationship with that, and then also your body and so many women that I work with.
- 4:20Erin Gray: They've technically created what the world would define as financial freedom.
- 4:25Erin Gray: So, on paper, excellent net worth, high net worth, right, they've got the income, the investments, the net worth, and yet they still operate from a place of fear.
- 4:36Erin Gray: And many of them actually feel like that.
- 4:41Erin Gray: There's this, like they're like one step away from losing it all, like that is the undertone that they feel, or that, like some of them have shared with me, like when is the shoe going to drop?
- 4:53Erin Gray: It's like this lack of trust, this lack of knowing, and this is typically a belief that they picked up.
- 5:00Erin Gray: You know, we all pick it up somewhere along the way, because in order to you know, feel this way, we have to have this belief somewhere, and we typically gain beliefs from parenting, societal conditioning, and then this creates their lived experience.
- 5:18Erin Gray: So I believe financial freedom, yes, it is about numbers.
- 5:22Erin Gray: Right, it does matter Having more money it's a lot more fun to have more money than to not have money but financial freedom is not about the numbers.
- 5:31Erin Gray: Initially, this is about safety in the body.
- 5:34Erin Gray: And how do we know this?
- 5:35Erin Gray: Because if it was about the numbers, like everyone tells us and sells us on this idea that it is about the numbers, what I call the circumstance then everyone that had millions of dollars would feel free, safe and abundant and they would have no worries.
- 5:54Erin Gray: And we know that this is not true.
- 5:55Erin Gray: This is not factual, because we know of people myself used to be this way, many of people that I work with when they come to me initially be this way, many of people that I work with when they come to me initially, many of my circle that I am aware of, or you know, people in my circle that I used to hang out with, or even currently, that that is not true.
- 6:14Erin Gray: That is not what their experience is.
- 6:16Erin Gray: And so if you're listening to this and it is resonating with you, it is because what I am saying is probably very true for you as well.
- 6:25Erin Gray: So let's talk about the nervous system, why this happens and then how to move through that.
- 6:34Erin Gray: So, really, your brain, your nervous system, is really designed to keep you alive.
- 6:40Erin Gray: Right, it's not necessarily made to feel abundant.
- 6:42Erin Gray: If you think about where we have come from, over the eons, it was really of a survival mentality.
- 6:50Erin Gray: It was get up every day.
- 6:52Erin Gray: Where are we going to find our food, you know, where are we sleeping tonight?
- 6:56Erin Gray: If we were nomadic, you know all of those things.
- 6:58Erin Gray: It was very much based on survival.
- 7:01Erin Gray: And if you've experienced any kind of stress or pressure or trauma around money, your body might still be running on those old programs, aka belief systems, even if your circumstances have changed.
- 7:18Erin Gray: And this is exactly who I was.
- 7:20Erin Gray: Even though I changed the money in my bank account, I didn't change who I was as a person, my belief systems.
- 7:26Erin Gray: Right, our identity is based off our belief systems, our nervous system.
- 7:31Erin Gray: And because I didn't change my nervous system and my belief systems, the numbers increased, but who I was as a person stayed the same.
- 7:40Erin Gray: So this shows up as it could.
- 7:42Erin Gray: It's not all inclusive, but it could show up as like avoiding your finances.
- 7:47Erin Gray: Even when there is money in the bank.
- 7:51Erin Gray: You might be feeling guilt when you spend on yourself.
- 7:54Erin Gray: This is very prevalent in a lot of my clients, where they feel guilt.
- 7:58Erin Gray: It's okay to spend money on your kids or you as a family vacation and this also shows up as time as well but spending it on yourself and I don't even want to say spending, I want to say investing, investing time and investing money in yourself for you, not because you've earned it, but just because you are worthy of having it that is something that clients I don't want to say struggle with.
- 8:23Erin Gray: But in the beginning that is a little bit more effort for them.
- 8:27Erin Gray: It might look like you even over-preparing, maybe even over-saving or overworking, because you don't trust that the money is going to last.
- 8:36Erin Gray: So you are in this perpetual like have to keep going, pushing mentality because you think if you let up, that the money will stop, or possibly you never feel like and I'm air quoting enough is enough, is truly enough.
- 8:51Erin Gray: Now I want to say, on the one hand, it's always enough and on the other side of it is like it's never enough, but not from a place of inadequacy or an unworthiness.
- 9:03Erin Gray: It's never enough is because we are constantly evolving and growing right.
- 9:07Erin Gray: So when we are coming from the place of not enough, of like what I am, who I am, what I have isn't enough, that feels very different in the body.
- 9:20Erin Gray: I want you to pause and I want you to really check in with your body right now.
- 9:24Erin Gray: That feels very different in the body than what I have is absolutely amazing.
- 9:30Erin Gray: I love my life right now and I can't wait for all of this abundance to continue to come my way.
- 9:38Erin Gray: Very different energy in the body.
- 9:40Erin Gray: So this is why I think emotional regulation, nervous system regulation, whatever you want to call it, is so important.
- 9:49Erin Gray: Because when we bring this awareness, this compassion to how your body is actually responding, when we can actually almost kind of like rise above or like float above and watch what our body is doing, and recognize like float above and watch what our body is doing and recognize like.
- 10:09Erin Gray: This is where I go back to when I said originally you know it's really one third, you know, of your um mindset, because the other third is like the spirit.
- 10:16Erin Gray: It is probably even more.
- 10:18Erin Gray: It is probably not a third, third.
- 10:19Erin Gray: Third, it's really like spirit, soul led.
- 10:22Erin Gray: When you can look at your human experience from the soul, soul led.
- 10:28Erin Gray: When you can look at your human experience from the soul, from this higher perspective, and recognize that your body is just working from these programs and that it is this little child who feels fear or scared, or you know it was.
- 10:38Erin Gray: She was doing the best that she could with what she had.
- 10:41Erin Gray: You get to have more compassion and you stop judging where you are.
- 10:47Erin Gray: So I would say, first and foremost, come from a place of curiosity, love and compassion, stop making how you feel wrong, like the more that we resist, the longer that it stays.
- 11:00Erin Gray: You know.
- 11:00Erin Gray: The saying is you know what you resist persists.
- 11:02Erin Gray: So as long as you continue to judge how you are feeling, it's hard to move through that because you're not, you're looking at it through the lens of it's wrong, it's not good, it's not bad, it just is.
- 11:14Erin Gray: So when we can see that our bodies have been doing these things from a place of protection and a place of survival, then we can look at it from a place of love and we can learn to choose differently.
- 11:27Erin Gray: You know we can change our beliefs, entire belief systems, and we can really start to decide how do I want my nervous system to feel right?
- 11:36Erin Gray: How do I want it to feel safe and supported?
- 11:38Erin Gray: We know what it looks like right now, so what do I want it to look like?
- 11:42Erin Gray: So, some simple practices.
- 11:44Erin Gray: And you're always going to always say with every client, with you listening, you're going to have to do what feels good for your body.
- 11:52Erin Gray: We have been a society who has outsourced our power to everyone outside of us, and one of the things I love helping women do is to return to who they are in their innate power, their sovereign power.
- 12:06Erin Gray: And when you start to check in with your body, like sometimes, breath work, for me it feels amazing.
- 12:10Erin Gray: Sometimes I'm like I'm not digging it today.
- 12:12Erin Gray: You don't.
- 12:13Erin Gray: There is no prescribed checklist that you need to do.
- 12:16Erin Gray: It's how do you want to get into your body and how do you want to feel supported and nourish.
- 12:22Erin Gray: So I'm listing some ideas for you to take, for you to play with, for you to see if it feels good for you to also try other things besides what's listed here.
- 12:33Erin Gray: So breath work or orienting, which is basically if you're sitting down to do your money.
- 12:39Erin Gray: Before you do that, what you can do is like name five things that you see in your room or wherever you are, that you're sitting down, because what that does is it takes you to the present and also nervous system wise you.
- 12:53Erin Gray: You see that like your nervous system is able to feel like, okay, I'm here right now, um, so orienting grounding, like going out, walking in the grass, like we are nature, one with nature.
- 13:05Erin Gray: We came from nature.
- 13:06Erin Gray: So like doing things that are supportive to you, in addition to adding in the mindset and the spirit work.
- 13:14Erin Gray: So this will help you to start create new experiences, right?
- 13:20Erin Gray: So when you think about and I would also journal, you know we're so quick to be like, okay, I want to, I want to feel differently about money, but we're not really clear on how we feel right now.
- 13:31Erin Gray: So how do you actually feel right now in your body with money?
- 13:35Erin Gray: Journal that then look at, okay, how do I want to be with money, you know, using affirmations, and you don't have to use them over and over again, because if you don't believe it, the more that you use the affirmations, you're just confirming the lack of it.
- 13:48Erin Gray: But look at something like I can learn how to be with money in a different way.
- 13:53Erin Gray: I can make choices from a calm place instead of making them from rushed or pressure.
- 13:59Erin Gray: You know, I don't have to continue to live in fight or flight.
- 14:02Erin Gray: So just start to journal and look at what are some of the ways that you are currently with money.
- 14:07Erin Gray: What do you want to be with money?
- 14:08Erin Gray: And then embodying that?
- 14:10Erin Gray: It's one thing.
- 14:11Erin Gray: To journal, it's another.
- 14:12Erin Gray: To be like okay, this is a belief that I want to have.
- 14:15Erin Gray: Now go take action on that Like.
- 14:17Erin Gray: If you want to feel calm with money, what would be the action that you would take when you would sit down with money?
- 14:21Erin Gray: If you notice your nervous system getting a little bit heightened?
- 14:25Erin Gray: You would then calm it down.
- 14:27Erin Gray: You would put your hand on your heart.
- 14:28Erin Gray: You would say I feel, you know, I'm learning how to feel calm with money.
- 14:30Erin Gray: I'm safe in this moment, right now.
- 14:32Erin Gray: I'm okay to feel my feelings in this moment.
- 14:35Erin Gray: So when your body feels safe, you are able to make, because you aren't in this survival state.
- 14:42Erin Gray: You're more in this creative plane.
- 14:43Erin Gray: You are able to make more clear, more grounded decisions.
- 14:47Erin Gray: You begin to trust yourself again, or more.
- 14:50Erin Gray: You spend with intention, because you have slowed down because you aren't in this rushed and pressured state, you're able to really receive without guilt.
- 15:00Erin Gray: You start to experience money in a way that actually feels peaceful, it feels joyful, it feels calm, it actually feels what freedom financial freedom is supposed to feel like.
- 15:12Erin Gray: I think, and this is why I always say, that safety in the body is the foundation for lasting financial freedom.
- 15:20Erin Gray: You know, the goal isn't to get to some number to then be financially free.
- 15:25Erin Gray: That's very conditional thinking.
- 15:27Erin Gray: It is to live and breathe this every day as your money continues to grow and as you continue to grow.
- 15:36Erin Gray: So how fun is it to get, to generate and have all the money that you have if you're afraid to circulate it in ways that feel good to you and your soul?
- 15:47Erin Gray: Like money is a tool, it is meant to circulate, it is.
- 15:49Erin Gray: I heard this the other day I don't know if I'd ever heard it before and someone was saying like money's like manure, I'm just spreading it all around, and that I mean, what would we, what would we create in the world if we actually believed that were to be true, if we literally looked at money like manure, it's like oh, it's meant to just be spread around and enjoyed and see what comes from that investment.
- 16:16Erin Gray: And when I say investment, I don't necessarily mean like investing in the stock market.
- 16:20Erin Gray: I mean investing in yourself, investing in your children, investing in your community, like, how do we want to invest our money, circulate our money?
- 16:34Erin Gray: No-transcript has been a number versus a feeling in the body, and then the number follows because of it.
- 16:42Erin Gray: Notice how you feel in your body, around your money and what your nervous system practices that you already have in place, that you are committed to doing on a daily basis, so that you can teach your body, your nervous system, to feel safe with money you know.
- 16:58Erin Gray: Think about what are your triggering points, what are the things that you know that in this moment, right now, kind of get your nervous system a little bit heightened.
- 17:07Erin Gray: What are those?
- 17:09Erin Gray: Are you able to pinpoint those?
- 17:10Erin Gray: And I would say and encourage you to start working on those.
- 17:14Erin Gray: How can you bring more groundedness to it?
- 17:16Erin Gray: How can you bring more calm?
- 17:17Erin Gray: How can you bring more compassion and love for those parts of you?
- 17:22Erin Gray: And if this resonated with you and if you know deep down that you're ready to stop managing your money from a place of fear or avoidance, I would love to support you.
- 17:33Erin Gray: Nothing changes until we actually change.
- 17:36Erin Gray: In order to create a different experience, a different life for ourself, we have to take different action, which ultimately comes from our thinking and our belief systems.
- 17:48Erin Gray: So, in our work together, I am going to teach you and guide you how to rewire your body and your mind to respond to money so that you can finally enjoy it and use it and circulate it like how you were actually meant to, and we'll do it in a way that feels so fun and simple and easy and true to who you are.
- 18:09Erin Gray: You know, one of the things that I just love doing is really connecting with each client, because the advice that I might give for one client is completely the exact opposite that I would give for another and you for another and anywhere in between with other clients, and that is because it is based on who they are, what their soul is asking for, what their intuition is telling them, and so there is no one size fits all.
- 18:35Erin Gray: This is the plan, this is the strategy, this is how we do it.
- 18:38Erin Gray: It's really coming back home and connecting to who you are, your essence, like your most vibrant self.
- 18:45Erin Gray: To schedule a session, you can go to my website generatealifewelllivedcom, or you can just click the link in the show notes and schedule a session and let's help you return to the essence of who you truly are.
- 18:57Erin Gray: You know a woman who feels calm and confident and clear with her finances.
- 19:03Erin Gray: Thank you again for listening and tuning in today.
- 19:07Erin Gray: I truly appreciate each and every one of you.
- 19:09Erin Gray: I would love for you to share this episode with a friend of yours that could benefit from listening.
- 19:15Erin Gray: You know my mission and my passion is to help women feel more calm and confident with their money so that they can show up as their biggest and brightest selves.
- 19:26Erin Gray: I think it's a I don't want to say a trickle down effect, but it's just an outward of like in every way, when we show up as our biggest, brightest selves, we empower others to do the same.
- 19:38Erin Gray: Okay, I'll see you in the next episode.