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Diplomatic Communication – Speak Directly & Be Appreciated By Everyone · Enhance.training

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: The number, strength, and positivity of relationships that managers and leaders hold directly impacts how effective or good they can be at their jobs.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: Master the art of diplomatic communication and you can speak directly and be appreciated by everyone.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: As a manager or leader, the stronger your relationships with your colleagues.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: Firstly, the more you're going to get done through your team and throughout the business.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: Secondly, the better your team's performance will be.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: Third, work will be really enjoyable as working with colleagues that like, respect and trust you is a pleasure.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: Fourth, you'll hold a lot more influence across the business and with clients and suppliers.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: And fifth, you'll face a lot less resistance and blockages to your ideas, solutions and projects.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because of all these factors, you are much more likely to be paid more and promoted more quickly than peers that are not as diplomatic as you.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: The benefits of diplomatic skills apply to first job trainees all the way through to board level.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: Diplomacy at work at its heart is about maintaining constructive relationships and preserving trust and cooperation.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Being diplomatic is not about being nice, buttering people up, always agreeing, etc.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: From personal experience of leading teams in many top companies, developing a diplomatic communication style allows you to be very honest, very direct and clear in your communication and not upset, annoy, anger or damage relationships in the process.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: Being diplomatic is about how you communicate.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: You can tell it how it is without offending.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: Very good and effective communicators are usually those that are very clear with their messages and requests.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: They don't leave much open for interpretation.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: At the same time, their messages don't create a negative emotional response or resistance or refusal to understand and take in their message.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: Workplace diplomacy creates both clarity and neutrality in your communication.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: When your job is getting others to do what you want, organising, persuading, coordinating, i.e.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: management and leadership, clear communication without annoying means you get what you want a lot quicker and you build stronger, better relationships in the process.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: I know diplomatic communication is a huge enabler of management success.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: I got promoted 13 times in as many years all the way up to board level.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: So here are five diplomatic practices highly effective leaders use every day to enable them to deliver more, deliver better and deliver quicker.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: The first diplomatic practice is to understand the underlying motives of the other party.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: Without a good understanding of the why behind other people's requests or positions, it is really easy to put your foot in it or step on a political or relationship landmine.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: Every person working in business has different goals, different pressures and a different need for resources.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: Those differences can easily create conflicts, disagreements and bad feelings if you don't communicate diplomatically.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: To understand the why behind other people's requests or positions, firstly think through their likely goals, targets, pressures and workloads.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: Think about what resources they need to deliver these and where your team can help them.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: Secondly, with these guesses in mind, ask questions to explore and confirm your understanding or to correct the assumptions that you have made.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: Third, spend a lot more time listening than speaking.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: Only when you feel you have a good understanding of their interests, ambitions, targets, pressures and plans should you start speaking about what you want.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: Better understanding means that you can position what you want clearly and directly without creating conflict, getting their backup, creating resistance, etc.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: i.e.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: diplomatically asking for what you want.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: Seek to understand the other party before you start speaking in earnest about your needs and wants.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: An important tip: you should always keep up to date with your team members' interests, ambitions, needs and wants so you can keep them on side, motivated and thinking well of you.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: Create space for discussion to improve your understanding so you can avoid stepping on landmines or inadvertently hitting the other person's hot buttons.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Jess Coles, and if you're new to this podcast, Enhanced.training provides resources, courses, and coaching for you to build management expertise and confidence to lead any team to their best performance.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: To improve your communication skills, your diplomacy, and the results that you deliver through your team as a senior manager or board director, do visit enhance.training and select coaching to take a look at how our coaching programs will help you reach your goals months to years quicker.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: The next practice for diplomatic communication is to avoid taking sides too quickly.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: Taking sides too quickly stops you understanding the other person's position.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: Avoiding taking sides too early also helps you build trust because you're seen as being fair and open-minded.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: When others come to you with complaints, with a divine position or with a request, to be diplomatic in your answer, firstly, avoid agreeing immediately, and then second, seek the context of the situation.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: Then you can choose a side if that's appropriate or remain neutral.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: In practical terms, I always found it really useful to think about what is best for the business overall or the team and then frame any responses you have in that context.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: Avoid framing situations as right or wrong.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: Think in terms of better or worse to reach goals or deliver results.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: Avoid joining in or supporting those putting others down in a business, no matter how justified that might be.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: The third practice for using diplomacy at work is to learn how to disagree without upsetting.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: Diplomacy is not avoiding hard conversations or avoiding challenge or staying silent rather than speaking up.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: Diplomatic communication is learning how to say no or disagree without upsetting the other person or creating resistance or embarrassing them.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: Rather than saying that is not right, you might say, I see why you've come to that conclusion.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not sure you're considering the whole picture.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: Have you thought about?
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: Boom boom boom boom.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: Or you could say, I appreciate the effort that went into this, I have a few concerns that I would like to address before moving forward.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: Often saying no diplomatically helps protect the other person's dignity or helps them save face.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: Embarrassing others, making them feel like a failure, or putting them down in any way are all great ways to damage relationships and create resistance or anger towards you.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: This does not help you, regardless of your position or how much power you hold.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: Say no or disagree kindly while still being clear in your message.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: The next practice for diplomatic communication is to master the art of neutral language.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: Using neutral or non-judgmental language is a skill that anyone can build with practice.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: Using neutral language is making small changes to wording that dramatically reduces conflict and bad feeling.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of you have failed, you might say, unfortunately the results were not what we wanted.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: You could say there appears to have been a gap in communication rather than the communication was poor.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: You really messed up because that did not go to plan.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: Let's go through what went wrong.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: All these examples separate the person from the problem or outcome.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: Using more neutral language reduces the unhelpful emotional reactions in others and maintains trust and good relations without needing to pull your punches.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: A great exercise to build this diplomacy skill is every time something goes wrong, even small things, mentally take out references to the other person and focus your message on the actions, behaviors and results or lack of them.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: If you struggle to do this mentally, then write down on a piece of paper your message and then rewrite it until the wording is more neutral.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: Keep at this exercise.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: Practice it every day to improve how diplomatically you communicate.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: The fifth practice for being diplomatic is to control how you communicate your emotions.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: People trust body language much more than they trust the words actually said, because it is much harder to fake body language.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: Your nonverbal body language communicates a lot about what you're thinking and feeling.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: That is your tone and pace of voice, the pauses and intonations of the words you say, your facial expressions, how you use your hands, how you stand and hold yourself, etc.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: These all create a picture for the other person to confirm or conflict with an eye, if you like, the words that you are actually speaking.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: Controlling your body language is hard.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: It is much easier to control your emotions and attitude towards the situation and learn positive ways to express emotions.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: Control your emotions and attitude and your nonverbal communication should follow.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: Some examples.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: Before a difficult meeting, don't focus on everything that could go wrong.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: Focus on everything that could go right.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: Don't go into the meeting dreading the meeting.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: Go in excited to find out more about what your boss or client want.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: Another example.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: If you're really angry with a team member, go for a walk outside until you calm down before speaking to them.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: Or tell them that you're really angry with them in a calm voice, rather than growling at them or shouting at them.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: How you express your emotions at work matter.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: How you frame things in your own mind and your emotional state directly impact your nonverbal communication.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: People pay a lot of attention to your nonverbal communication and trust it over the words you say.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: To build good diplomatic communication skills, work on managing your emotions and attitudes.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: Ensure your words, emotions, and attitude are aligned with the diplomatic message or approach that you're using.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: So, in summary, having great diplomatic skills means you can almost say anything you want without upsetting others.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: Being direct at work is easy.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: Poor diplomatic skills means you can't say exactly what you mean, and your message is often a lot more confusing or unclear if you want to avoid upsetting others.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: The better your diplomatic skills, the easier you'll find it to build strong and productive relationships with your colleagues.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: The better your relationships, the more influence you'll have, the less resistance you'll encounter, the more help you'll can ask for and get.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: All of which means that you'll get a lot more done in a given amount of time compared to less diplomatic colleagues.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: Think about what that means for you personally and team performance.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: To improve your communication skills, your diplomacy, and the results that you deliver through your team as a senior manager or board director, do visit us at enhance.training and select coaching to take a look at how our coaching programmes will help you reach your goals months to years quicker.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: If you have any questions on diplomatic communication, speak directly and still be really appreciated by everyone, please email me at support at enhance.training and I'll get back to you.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks very much for listening, and I look forward to speaking to you again soon.