Latest / Stuff Mom Never Told You / Happy Hour #156: The Drama of Nextdoor

Transcript

Happy Hour #156: The Drama of Nextdoor · Stuff Mom Never Told You

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha, and welcome to stuff
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: I never told you production if I hurt radio, and
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: welcome to another edition of Happy Hour.
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: As always, if you choose to drink or whatever you're
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: choosing to do, do so responsibly. Are you doing things responsibly?
• 0:28
  Speaker 3: Samantha, I am so.
• 0:30
  Speaker 4: This is not a sponsor, but I'm drinking something that
• 0:33
  Speaker 4: you hate, Okay, I know what it is, yeah, which
• 0:39
  Speaker 4: is a doctor Pepper, but it's combined with cream soda
• 0:43
  Speaker 4: because I don't care, like I don't have like a
• 0:45
  Speaker 4: deep hatred of it, but it's not my favorite drink.
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: But they have a new all these new versions.
• 0:51
  Speaker 4: And this one is doctor pepper and cuem soda together
• 0:54
  Speaker 4: and I'm like that actually sounds like that one fit
• 0:57
  Speaker 4: really love it.
• 0:59
  Speaker 5: I'm glad.
• 1:01
  Speaker 3: For you, Thank you. What about you?
• 1:06
  Speaker 5: I'm drinking a rose. It's hot today.
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: It's weather whiplash where we are.
• 1:14
  Speaker 4: This is the epitome of Atlanta, of Georgia in the south.
• 1:20
  Speaker 4: How we get freezing, freezing cold and then immediately about
• 1:25
  Speaker 4: three days later, maybe even not like seventy degree.
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: Weather, Yes, And it's incredibly frustrating because it'll be really
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: cool in the morning. Sometimes and you're like bundled up
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: and then it's eighty degrees in the afternoon.
• 1:36
  Speaker 4: It's frustrating.
• 1:41
  Speaker 5: This is when my mom gave me Okay from the
• 1:45
  Speaker 5: Hills of Northern Georgia.
• 1:48
  Speaker 4: Georgia, Okay, I like it.
• 1:50
  Speaker 5: Mm hm.
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: So today, speaking of not a sponsor, we're talking about
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: next Door.
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: Ohoy so much so.
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: Recently Samantha hosted a lovely lunar New Year party. I
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: kind of get together and I brought up that I
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: noticed some things on next Door, and it sparked a
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: whole conversation that I'll get into in a second. I
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: do want to say we want to do an episode
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: on Nextdoor.
• 2:28
  Speaker 5: We meant to.
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: Do it when we were doing all of our tech
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: episodes at the beginning of the year.
• 2:33
  Speaker 5: I think last year, maybe it was the year before,
• 2:35
  Speaker 5: I don't know.
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: It was the beginning of one of those years, but
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: we didn't get around to it because there's a whole
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: history of racism with it.
• 2:44
  Speaker 5: There's a lot to.
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: Talk about with Nextdoor, right and I've seen it play
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: out of the banning of people and the moderating.
• 2:51
  Speaker 5: It's a whole mess we're speaking of.
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: We're also not talking about the politics today, because I've
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: also seen that and I mentioned it briefly in your
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: Happy Hour, your recent happy hour.
• 3:02
  Speaker 4: I mean again, I'm a moderator somehow, which I don't
• 3:05
  Speaker 4: want to be, and I'm getting I've gotten some things,
• 3:11
  Speaker 4: including I think just to put out there, people put
• 3:13
  Speaker 4: like don't stop at these places, and people reported it.
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, they report. People are ready to report everything, yes,
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: But what I wanted to talk about today is specifically
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: something I've noticed that's new, which is very blatant harassment
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: of women. Yes on next door, so it's I don't
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: go on there very often. I usually go on there
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: when I'm trying to figure out why there's another marching
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: band in the neighborhood.
• 3:41
  Speaker 5: I can't understand.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: Something like an event or something right. But recently I've
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: gone on and I've seen several posts about women being
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: her ass. The first one was really funny and I
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: actually took a screenshot and I should send it to you, Samantha.
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: But it was an older woman and she said, I
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: don't understand what this website is for. I thought it
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: was for neighborhood things, but instead I'm just getting hit on.
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: I'm seventy years old. Y'all ain't got nothing for me.
• 4:13
  Speaker 3: Mama still got it. She should be proud.
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: I love how she was so much like you could feel.
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: I mean really, so yes, I loved it, and I
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: thought it was really funny. And I was like, oh,
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: I didn't really think about that. I didn't know that
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: was a thing. And then it absolutely shouldn't be. Then
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: I saw another post where a woman was like, don't
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: ever put your phone number out here, because now I'm
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: getting harrassed all the time by all these men who
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: got my phone on next door my phone number and
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: are just sending me these horrific images or what have you.
• 4:53
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: And then I so I was like, oh really, And
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: then I saw another one and it was a woman
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: who basically was like, I don't why is this a thing?
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: I don't understand. This is not why I'm here for.
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: What I'm here for, I'm getting all of these dms
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: and I'm getting her ass all this stuff and the
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: comment Samantha, all these men came out of the woodwork
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: and they said things were I'm not surprised to anyone,
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: no surprise to anyone, but kind of like really, but
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: it was you can't take a compliment come on, this
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: is a nice thing. Shouldn't You shouldn't have your profile
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: picture up if you don't want to get this kind
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: of attention, and just kind of very angry. What's wrong
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: with you? We're just trying to find someone to be
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: with and you you're shutting us down like.
• 5:52
  Speaker 5: All these men.
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: And then a couple of women would pop up and
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: be like, basically, just ignore them. But it was a mess,
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: and it was a real tapestry of I can't tell.
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: I'm assuming you really believe these things, and you felt
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: so strongly about it you had to comment on this
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: post and essentially tell this woman she should not complain
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: and be very happy about this harassment she's receiving and
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: or it's not even harassment.
• 6:35
  Speaker 5: It was a long.
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: Comment thread. I will say from the profile pictures of
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: the men, they were mostly older men, which is a problem.
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And then one moment was like this makes me
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: really uncomfortable because I know you all are in my neighborhood.
• 6:53
  Speaker 4: Yes, oh collapse, well done, well done, well done. That
• 6:59
  Speaker 4: should be the comment. If I've been into you and
• 7:01
  Speaker 4: you are this person, understand I think of you now
• 7:04
  Speaker 4: as a pervert with no idea of consent anything, decency right. Also,
• 7:11
  Speaker 4: this is called next door to ask about do you
• 7:14
  Speaker 4: know a good plumber right? Or do you know why
• 7:18
  Speaker 4: the water is out right exactly?
• 7:22
  Speaker 5: Have you seen this dog? Those kinds of things. So
• 7:25
  Speaker 5: it was just something I had I didn't really know.
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: Like I said, I wasn't surprised, but I was kind
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: of surprised because it's next door. But then when I
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: was at your get together, Samantha, I was talking to
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: me with one of your friends, Dominique, and she showed
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: me the same thing happened on her next door and
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: it was just scrolling, scrolling scrolling of basically men yelling
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: at this woman for being like, hey, this is not
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: what this site is for.
• 7:54
  Speaker 5: Please leave me alone. I will go to a dating
• 7:56
  Speaker 5: site if I want this it.
• 7:59
  Speaker 4: Well, and that one too, there was women coming at
• 8:03
  Speaker 4: her too because he was a young woman. And apparently
• 8:06
  Speaker 4: the profile picture I think at one point had her
• 8:08
  Speaker 4: in a bathing suit and that was apparently enough of
• 8:13
  Speaker 4: a invite for everyone to d M And I feel
• 8:17
  Speaker 4: like this is a weird, Like even in our own
• 8:21
  Speaker 4: group of people that I see as close friends and
• 8:24
  Speaker 4: group people, people were kind of justified. Well, you know,
• 8:28
  Speaker 4: she should have kind of known better, but she still
• 8:30
  Speaker 4: didn't deserve that type of conversation, which I was so
• 8:34
  Speaker 4: caught up in, like trying to make sure everybody was comfortable,
• 8:37
  Speaker 4: and then like I think I had a one side,
• 8:39
  Speaker 4: like one conversation with just a friend of mine, and
• 8:41
  Speaker 4: I was hearing these comments, but like also I think
• 8:45
  Speaker 4: I did. It was like wait what, and they're like, no, no,
• 8:47
  Speaker 4: she still didn't deserve it would be like the aftermath.
• 8:50
  Speaker 4: But even in our group of I think I was
• 8:54
  Speaker 4: the oldest in the group, So we're all millennials and
• 8:57
  Speaker 4: a few not really agenziers, but you know, young millennials
• 9:01
  Speaker 4: will say that that's like and we are all very
• 9:05
  Speaker 4: leftist individuals. We are all pretty like minded, I would say,
• 9:09
  Speaker 4: like even like the conversation turned into like how everything's
• 9:14
  Speaker 4: going to help and what we needed to do to
• 9:15
  Speaker 4: help this conversation, but like the fact that there was
• 9:18
  Speaker 4: enough like still a few of them, but I mean, yeah,
• 9:21
  Speaker 4: but no, like was really.
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: Kind of.
• 9:25
  Speaker 4: Shocking and it shouldn't have been because that there's an
• 9:30
  Speaker 4: and I say this for myself as well, there's a
• 9:33
  Speaker 4: small part of us that still cannot let go of
• 9:36
  Speaker 4: the modesty idea and like, like again, how the Bible
• 9:40
  Speaker 4: has put on us, how Christianity has put on women.
• 9:43
  Speaker 4: If you look like this, you are a sinner for
• 9:46
  Speaker 4: making men lust? Like that is that conversation, and it's
• 9:50
  Speaker 4: that that right There's like I have a feeling she
• 9:53
  Speaker 4: probably just linked it to because I know a lot
• 9:55
  Speaker 4: of them, like do you want to do this through Google?
• 9:57
  Speaker 4: Do you want to do this through Facebook or whatever?
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: And whatever?
• 10:00
  Speaker 4: She felt cute in her bathing suit, Yeah, awesome, and
• 10:04
  Speaker 4: she thought it was a cute picture. Okay, And yet
• 10:08
  Speaker 4: that was while you did this to yourself?
• 10:11
  Speaker 5: Right?
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: What point?
• 10:13
  Speaker 4: I mean, I'm thoroughly confused as to like who came
• 10:19
  Speaker 4: on to? Next door was like, this is it. I'm
• 10:22
  Speaker 4: gonna find somebody. This is my this is my dating time,
• 10:27
  Speaker 4: and next door whom I can't tell anything about, whether
• 10:30
  Speaker 4: they're married, whether or not they're not married, whether they
• 10:32
  Speaker 4: actually live here or they don't, or if they are
• 10:35
  Speaker 4: a robot or ai.
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: I'm ahead on.
• 10:37
  Speaker 5: Them, right and then yell at them if they get
• 10:42
  Speaker 5: mad and don't like it.
• 10:44
  Speaker 4: And then say are you are you too good for me?
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: Yes?
• 10:48
  Speaker 4: Yeah, because obviously I didn't have to get onto a side.
• 10:50
  Speaker 4: That's for a neighborhood watch program essentially to a get
• 10:54
  Speaker 4: a match. I'm not that lonely dude.
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: I remember the one the woman who is kind of like,
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: don't give out your phone number? She said, uh, essentially
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: like she she was asking for something very basic like yeah,
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: where can I go to get a storage box? And
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: then like all of these things the DM she gets are, Hey,
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: you live near me, We should meet up, we could
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: hang out, right, Like that makes me so that why
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: would I trust like anything anyone says on their They.
• 11:41
  Speaker 4: On the others tar like, I can't. I want to
• 11:44
  Speaker 4: know the age range of this of these men who
• 11:46
  Speaker 4: are hitting because I next door is people who've just
• 11:51
  Speaker 4: moved into neighborhoods trying to find jobs and find connections
• 11:54
  Speaker 4: or trying to figure out their neighborhood or older people
• 11:58
  Speaker 4: like that's that's their social media. So I'm trying to
• 12:03
  Speaker 4: figure out the range of people. And next Door We've
• 12:07
  Speaker 4: talked about this previously, has a huge, huge conversation in
• 12:11
  Speaker 4: the idea, like very very racist comments in they're about
• 12:15
  Speaker 4: you know, this neighborhood used to be this, but this
• 12:17
  Speaker 4: family moved in. Type of real negativity. So again with that,
• 12:21
  Speaker 4: like who are these people.
• 12:25
  Speaker 5: I don't know?
• 12:26
  Speaker 4: And the.
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: Thing is all of our online discourse has unfortunately been
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: tainted by this. But I'm still kind of struggling with
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: the idea of this is Oh her profile picture, she
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: looks pretty, let me let me hit on her, like
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: in every space, like every space.
• 12:50
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't think it's even being a struggle is horrifying,
• 12:54
  Speaker 4: Like in the story, like what the hell are you doing?
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: Bro?
• 12:58
  Speaker 4: Like, there are free sites you can get onto that
• 13:01
  Speaker 4: are explicitly asking for you to DM them, and you
• 13:04
  Speaker 4: still probably won't get rejected. Just you know, you're definitely
• 13:07
  Speaker 4: gonna get rejected here, but you're probably you know, you
• 13:09
  Speaker 4: have better chances, right, And like I think, And I
• 13:13
  Speaker 4: had added to that story that I had seen some things,
• 13:15
  Speaker 4: but the ones that I have seen are women coming
• 13:18
  Speaker 4: about like, hey, this dude sent this to me, and
• 13:20
  Speaker 4: then other women be like, oh my god, I got
• 13:22
  Speaker 4: the exact same message from that person and they all
• 13:24
  Speaker 4: like calling out this one dude. So that was really
• 13:26
  Speaker 4: funny to me.
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: I saw that too. I saw somebody made a spreadsheet.
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: I don't know if it got taken down or not,
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: but I was like, whoa.
• 13:37
  Speaker 4: Oh, I was a mod writer rat wouldn't and be like, yeah,
• 13:40
  Speaker 4: let's actually I'll pin this. Let's pin this just in
• 13:42
  Speaker 4: case no other women know at the very beginning, just
• 13:45
  Speaker 4: ignore this, block him, block him immediately.
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: It's I mean, I don't know if it's gone up
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: a lot recently or I've just somehow noticed it a
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: lot recently, but I have seen multiple instances of this,
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: and it's the amount of comments under them.
• 14:07
  Speaker 5: It's insane.
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: And you know, this is we see this in the
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: real world, right Like I recently was outside and a
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: guy kind of he stood in front of me and
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: was like, don't get mad, but you have a nice
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: smile and you should smile. And I was like, wow,
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: you're already yelling at me.
• 14:31
  Speaker 5: Okay. He's like, it's not a weird thing. I just
• 14:35
  Speaker 5: wanted you to know. Okay.
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: You know, I feel like there's so many things where.
• 14:45
  Speaker 4: And maybe maybe maybe I'm not a dude whatever whatnot.
• 14:51
  Speaker 4: When I compliment people, and I genuinely compliment and I
• 14:55
  Speaker 4: have they smile and say thank you and move on,
• 14:59
  Speaker 4: there's a difference for just being you have a nice smile,
• 15:02
  Speaker 4: move on, instead of being you have a nice smile.
• 15:04
  Speaker 4: You need to smile more. That's a different take, bro,
• 15:08
  Speaker 4: that's a different and it's condescending. Like both of those
• 15:12
  Speaker 4: things are the fact. And like, just I have been
• 15:17
  Speaker 4: complimented by men. If you just walk away and don't
• 15:22
  Speaker 4: sit there the whole time and doing it, they're fine.
• 15:27
  Speaker 4: You don't expect anything from it, it's fine. If you're
• 15:31
  Speaker 4: getting giving a compliment expecting something, that's when there's a problem.
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think that's the biggest point.
• 15:38
  Speaker 4: Like I think this whole like made up narrative, like
• 15:41
  Speaker 4: I'm just afraid to talk to women. I'm just afraid
• 15:44
  Speaker 4: to be giving them any compliments. I'm like, yeah, are
• 15:46
  Speaker 4: you doing it lingering and hoping to get something and
• 15:48
  Speaker 4: as a reciprocation, Like, that's a problem. That's when you
• 15:51
  Speaker 4: should not be doing it. Right?
• 15:54
  Speaker 5: Are you making them feel unsafe?
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 15:57
  Speaker 5: Are your compliments actually like really not appropriate?
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: So many things?
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And then that's what I feel that I'm seeing
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: unfold in these nextdoor comments is it's.
• 16:11
  Speaker 5: It's like the men, angry men not to men.
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: Oh God, angry men are coming together and they're saying
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: these things that we've heard is kind of very basic.
• 16:25
  Speaker 5: Oh, you can't handle you can't take a compliment. I
• 16:28
  Speaker 5: think I was.
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: I was a little surprised at how many people were like,
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: you don't know how hard it is out there for
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: us to find someone like, oh.
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: Well with these tactics. No, yeah, we do. We know
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: you're doing this to yourself.
• 16:41
  Speaker 5: I could tell you.
• 16:43
  Speaker 4: You are telling you this, and the way you're handling
• 16:46
  Speaker 4: it is the example.
• 16:48
  Speaker 5: Right right exactly.
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: I mean there's a much larger conversation that we kind
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: of touched on when Joey came on and talked about
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: modern dating and we talked about it in our update
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: on online dating about how our like, our system is
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: just not really helping anybody because it's sort of men
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: are getting mad and women are getting like, I don't
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: want to hang out with you if you're so mad,
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: and it's just like getting worse and worse.
• 17:18
  Speaker 4: Yeah, so that divide is getting worse. Yeah, the expectations
• 17:23
  Speaker 4: are getting worse. Maybe, I mean, maybe it is the
• 17:29
  Speaker 4: breakdown of the beginning of in cell community, and I
• 17:34
  Speaker 4: think we're using that term too quickly and too lightly,
• 17:38
  Speaker 4: and it has now become a normalized word, which is
• 17:40
  Speaker 4: really not good. As well as the fact that the
• 17:43
  Speaker 4: whole like pick up culture really messed up. What has
• 17:47
  Speaker 4: happened and it's become normalized once again.
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, I mean we talked about that in the
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: Manisphere episode too, and it's now it's spread to next Door.
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: I'm sure it was already there. I just hadn't seen
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: so many instances of it.
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: No, that's so quickly grown.
• 18:08
  Speaker 4: I think I'm with you, like I haven't really like
• 18:10
  Speaker 4: the fact that when you mentioned it and then Dominate
• 18:12
  Speaker 4: jumped down and then I jumped on, was like, yeah,
• 18:14
  Speaker 4: we've all seen this and we're all in very different neighborhoods.
• 18:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah, very different. Yeah, like we're in different counties.
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not good. We'll have to do a whole
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: episode on it. But I would love if listeners if
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: he wrote in if you've seen this grow on, if
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: you're on next Door or you know, anywhere, just let
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: us know if you've seen an uptick in these types
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: of things. You can email us at Hello at Stuffwenever
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: told You dot com. You can find us at Luce
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: Sky at mom Stuff podcast, or on Instagram and TikTok
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: stuff I've Never told you. We're also on YouTube. We
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• 18:56
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• 18:58
  Speaker 2: always to a super producer, caute your executive brows and
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: Chipper Joey.
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: Thank you and thanks to you for listening.
• 19:04
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