Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #912 Parenting Trends: The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly
Transcript
- 0:03Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast.
- 0:05Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just answers.
- 0:10Speaker 3: Now.
- 0:10Speaker 1: On today's Happy Families Podcast, we are looking at five
- 0:13Speaker 1: parenting trends to watch in twenty twenty four. I've been
- 0:17Speaker 1: scouring the internet TikTok, spending some time with Kylie, looking
- 0:20Speaker 1: at what the trends are going to be, and we've
- 0:22Speaker 1: got them for you. The five trends to understand what's
- 0:24Speaker 1: happening with parenting in twenty twenty four. If you want
- 0:29Speaker 1: to be on trend, and social media is pushing those
- 0:31Speaker 1: trends harder than ever with TikTok at the front of it.
- 0:35Speaker 1: These five trends are the ones to watch in twenty
- 0:37Speaker 1: twenty four. The first one, Kylie.
- 0:39Speaker 2: I digress, but I just want to know, have you
- 0:41Speaker 2: ever been on trend?
- 0:43Speaker 1: Oh? Come on, look at me, look at the address.
- 0:45Speaker 2: Well, I'm just putting it out there. Trend has never
- 0:48Speaker 2: been something I've aspired to ever, but I am interested
- 0:52Speaker 2: to hear where this conversation goes today.
- 0:54Speaker 1: Okay. Trend Number one, according to the trend spotters, is
- 0:57Speaker 1: that parents are going to be celebrating small wins this
- 1:02Speaker 1: year rather than the big stuff. Parents well, including on
- 1:04Speaker 1: top of the big stuff, parents, based on Pinterest research,
- 1:09Speaker 1: are all about the mini achievements this year.
- 1:13Speaker 2: So pinterest released a report for twenty twenty four, and
- 1:17Speaker 2: it's suggesting that parents won't be waiting for specific days
- 1:20Speaker 2: on the calendar anymore to celebrate big occasions.
- 1:23Speaker 1: So I think that you've been on trend for the
- 1:25Speaker 1: last twenty four to twenty five years because this is
- 1:27Speaker 1: something that you have always done with our kids. Something
- 1:29Speaker 1: cool happens and it's like, well, let's celebrate it. This
- 1:32Speaker 1: is like it's a mini achievement, but we're going to
- 1:34Speaker 1: turn it into something this is something that you just
- 1:35Speaker 1: love to do will.
- 1:37Speaker 2: Pinterest analyzed user intent and reported a huge uptick in
- 1:41Speaker 2: searches for things like end of school year party, monthly
- 1:46Speaker 2: milestone ideas.
- 1:47Speaker 1: Monthly milestones, really yeah, okay.
- 1:50Speaker 2: Baby naming ceremonies, potty training reward ideas, and parties to
- 1:55Speaker 2: celebrate first tea.
- 1:57Speaker 1: Okay, we're going to have one of those soon. We've
- 1:59Speaker 1: got to grand baby who's going to have a first
- 2:01Speaker 1: tooth soon.
- 2:02Speaker 2: I don't know any mum who celebrates first teeth.
- 2:05Speaker 1: I think we need to do that because we're the
- 2:07Speaker 1: grandparents and we can. I've got already cringed.
- 2:09Speaker 2: You've gotting it on trend here remembering those bites.
- 2:12Speaker 1: Yeah, that's great. So that's what pinterest is saying about it.
- 2:17Speaker 2: In twenty twenty four. Tiny triumphs will make the heart
- 2:20Speaker 2: grow fonder as parents sprinkle party vibes on her kids
- 2:24Speaker 2: not so grand moments, babies, first tooth, here's a cupcake,
- 2:27Speaker 2: potty training success, Extra sprinkles please?
- 2:30Speaker 1: Yeah, Okay, what's your reaction to this? What's your reaction
- 2:33Speaker 1: to celebrating small wins.
- 2:34Speaker 2: Look, I think it's a really beautiful notion. Like you said,
- 2:38Speaker 2: it's something that I have strived to do in our
- 2:40Speaker 2: family without each of our kids.
- 2:41Speaker 1: Yeah, you can't really bag it out because you've been
- 2:43Speaker 1: doing it for most of our lives.
- 2:44Speaker 2: No, but while I have celebrated, I don't think I
- 2:47Speaker 2: have put a huge amount of effort into it. I
- 2:49Speaker 2: haven't blown it out of proportion.
- 2:51Speaker 1: Well that's because we haven't been taking photos and putting
- 2:53Speaker 1: them on social media so you can see how awesome
- 2:55Speaker 1: we are for celebrating this more moment.
- 2:57Speaker 2: But what I love about it is I think too
- 2:59Speaker 2: old and we are so caught up in the end
- 3:03Speaker 2: results right, and the idea that we might celebrate smaller
- 3:07Speaker 2: milestones in our kids' lives offers them grace, us grace,
- 3:11Speaker 2: and just an opportunity to find joy in the journey
- 3:15Speaker 2: as opposed to reaching a destination.
- 3:17Speaker 1: Now you get excited. Change my mind about what I
- 3:19Speaker 1: was going to say. You're saying celebrate because life is
- 3:22Speaker 1: meant to be celebrated and life is fun. And now
- 3:26Speaker 1: I'm torn because, I mean, you do this stuff so
- 3:28Speaker 1: well and you always have and I'm a really big
- 3:30Speaker 1: supporter of what you do there, but I do get
- 3:33Speaker 1: concerned when people feel like they have to do it
- 3:36Speaker 1: to be on trend or this is what everyone's doing,
- 3:38Speaker 1: and it ups the pressure. Like once upon a time
- 3:40Speaker 1: you had a baby and told everybody what it was
- 3:42Speaker 1: going to be, but then the baby gender reveals came
- 3:45Speaker 1: in and there's more and more and more pressure and
- 3:47Speaker 1: more stuff that you've got to do. And it just
- 3:49Speaker 1: the social media likes might make it worth it, I know,
- 3:52Speaker 1: but the weight and the pressure for some parents it
- 3:55Speaker 1: can be a little bit burdensome. And I don't really
- 3:57Speaker 1: like that. However, I mean might also say, oh, everyone
- 4:01Speaker 1: gets surprised, like you've got a big tooth. We don't
- 4:02Speaker 1: need to have a party for that, Like, do you
- 4:05Speaker 1: know what I mean?
- 4:06Speaker 2: But I think that's the difference, Like why are you
- 4:08Speaker 2: doing what you're doing exactly? You know? Social media has
- 4:11Speaker 2: never played a big part in our celebrations in any way,
- 4:14Speaker 2: shape or form. It's not something that I have invested
- 4:17Speaker 2: in since the beginning. So when I celebrate with my kids,
- 4:21Speaker 2: it's because I want to celebrate them, not because I
- 4:22Speaker 2: want to show everybody else how awesome I am.
- 4:24Speaker 1: Well, I don't have a problem with everyone getting a
- 4:26Speaker 1: prize anyway, even though the cynics hate it. Teresa Amabil
- 4:29Speaker 1: is a researcher at Harvard, and she's developed research around
- 4:32Speaker 1: this thing called the progress principle, And I just reckon.
- 4:35Speaker 1: I mean, research shows it feels good to make progress,
- 4:37Speaker 1: and when you make progress and you're celebrated, it feels
- 4:39Speaker 1: even more good and it keeps you more motivated. I
- 4:41Speaker 1: don't have a problem with this trend. I actually think
- 4:43Speaker 1: it's going to be a whole lot of fun if
- 4:46Speaker 1: people do it wisely. Second big trend for twenty twenty four,
- 4:50Speaker 1: according to the experts, is that sharenting is out well.
- 4:54Speaker 2: As you can see, I'm already on trend with this one.
- 4:57Speaker 2: Sharanting's all about parents share it all those milestones and
- 5:03Speaker 2: so much more on social media.
- 5:05Speaker 1: So I think this is curious because if we've got
- 5:07Speaker 1: this trend of celebration of small winds going up, but
- 5:10Speaker 1: charenting is out, it'll be interesting to see whether the
- 5:12Speaker 1: people are celebrating all those small wins and putting them
- 5:15Speaker 1: out there on social media or if they're just doing
- 5:16Speaker 1: it because it's great to do.
- 5:18Speaker 2: So why is charenting out?
- 5:20Speaker 1: Though? Two words? Sam Altman?
- 5:22Speaker 2: Oh, who's he?
- 5:23Speaker 1: Sam Altman is the guy who's behind chat gpt. And
- 5:26Speaker 1: of course it's not just chat GPT. There's a whole
- 5:28Speaker 1: lot of other generative AI that's out there.
- 5:30Speaker 2: So people upset at sam Oltwyn.
- 5:32Speaker 1: No no, no, Well, well potentially maybe there's a whole
- 5:35Speaker 1: lot of legislation, especially in the US and Australia will
- 5:37Speaker 1: follow suit, as will most of Europe. There is really
- 5:41Speaker 1: big concern out there about how AI generated imagery can
- 5:46Speaker 1: be used in unhelpful, unhealthy, dangerous, explicit ways from bad actors.
- 5:51Speaker 1: And I'm talking about AI generated imagery with images of
- 5:54Speaker 1: your kids. So, in other words, when you put your
- 5:56Speaker 1: kids images online. What that does is it actually puts
- 6:01Speaker 1: your kids at risk of having explicit content developed out
- 6:06Speaker 1: of the stuff that's online. I've got a quote here
- 6:08Speaker 1: from Leah Plunkett. Leah Plunkett is based at Harvard. She's
- 6:12Speaker 1: the author of Sharenthood, Why we Should Think Before we
- 6:16Speaker 1: talk about our kids Online. It's a book Sharenthood while
- 6:19Speaker 1: we should Think Before we talk about our kids online?
- 6:22Speaker 1: And she said this recently on the US show News Nation.
- 6:26Speaker 3: If you are a parent watching at home, you should
- 6:29Speaker 3: know that existing generative AI tools and emerging ones are
- 6:33Speaker 3: remarkably sophisticated at producing realistic images based on photographs of
- 6:41Speaker 3: real children. So a simple step that parents, as well
- 6:45Speaker 3: as grandparents, aunts, uncles, teachers, coaches, and other trusted adults
- 6:49Speaker 3: can take now is to limit or stop sharenting. Sharenting
- 6:54Speaker 3: being a combination of the words share and parent. Most
- 6:58Speaker 3: of us don't think much of taking couple of pictures
- 7:00Speaker 3: and putting them on social media or otherwise digitally transmitting them. Now,
- 7:05Speaker 3: more than ever, it is time for us as adults
- 7:08Speaker 3: to protect the kids in our homes and schools and
- 7:12Speaker 3: neighborhoods by limiting or stopping putting images of kids that
- 7:18Speaker 3: we know and love out on the open Internet.
- 7:21Speaker 2: I hear something like that, and obviously, in my beautiful
- 7:26Speaker 2: safe world safe, I want to say, bubble Yeah, it
- 7:30Speaker 2: seems so far fetched that anything I put up is
- 7:35Speaker 2: going to create waves or challenges for my children in
- 7:40Speaker 2: the future.
- 7:41Speaker 1: That's kind of how I feel as well. But you
- 7:42Speaker 1: have a conversation with somebody like John Rows, who has
- 7:46Speaker 1: been at the forefront of combating child exploitation online for
- 7:52Speaker 1: such a long time here in Australia, and his basic argument.
- 7:56Speaker 1: I was talking to Madonna King about this recently. She
- 7:59Speaker 1: wrote the book Saving Out Kids, which is all about
- 8:01Speaker 1: this stuff, and she basically said, you can't ever know
- 8:04Speaker 1: that your kids aren't being exploited online. I know always
- 8:07Speaker 1: used to double negative there, but essentially there's no way
- 8:10Speaker 1: of knowing whether your kids are or on or are
- 8:12Speaker 1: not being exploited online. You just don't know. But you
- 8:15Speaker 1: can reduce the risk by not putting images up there.
- 8:18Speaker 1: In other words, your kids may not actually be being exploited,
- 8:20Speaker 1: but their imagery could be. And even that's sickening, right,
- 8:24Speaker 1: it's absolutely just just awful. And so there's this brand
- 8:29Speaker 1: new push into twenty twenty four in terms of trending
- 8:34Speaker 1: where sharenting is out because parents are aware that their
- 8:37Speaker 1: children's images could be used by bad actors in devastating ways.
- 8:43Speaker 2: So I guess we're going to see more food on
- 8:45Speaker 2: the internet.
- 8:46Speaker 1: Less kids and more food, just pictures of the backs
- 8:48Speaker 1: of kids' heads at the birthday party. Okay. Parent trend
- 8:56Speaker 1: number three for twenty twenty four. Parental benign neglect is in.
- 9:02Speaker 2: Baby Okay, a few big words there, What are you
- 9:05Speaker 2: talking about?
- 9:06Speaker 1: Okay, Benign neglect is neglecting your kids, but in a
- 9:09Speaker 1: benign way. So you know, if you have a benign tumor,
- 9:12Speaker 1: you've got a tumor there, but it's not cancerous, it's
- 9:15Speaker 1: not going to do any damage to you. We're talking
- 9:17Speaker 1: here about neglect in a non damaging way, which kind
- 9:20Speaker 1: of seems like a contradiction in terms, but you know
- 9:22Speaker 1: what it's like when you know the kids are there,
- 9:24Speaker 1: you're just not really paying any attention to them, and
- 9:26Speaker 1: they're not paying any attention to you. That's what we're
- 9:28Speaker 1: talking about with prints.
- 9:29Speaker 2: It's been my whole parenting journey.
- 9:31Speaker 1: Right probably has been. I found a clip on the
- 9:33Speaker 1: Today Show in the United States where Jennifer Ganna was
- 9:36Speaker 1: talking about this, and when people like Jennifer Ghana, global
- 9:40Speaker 1: superstar movie stars are talking about parental benign neglect, you
- 9:44Speaker 1: just know it's going to trend. Here's what she said.
- 9:46Speaker 4: I just really enjoy my kids.
- 9:48Speaker 1: I don't know.
- 9:49Speaker 4: I don't know that I have some overarching philosophy. I
- 9:52Speaker 4: just think they're such cool people and I want to
- 9:54Speaker 4: hear everything and I want to be around. But I
- 9:56Speaker 4: also think it's okay if they suffer from a little
- 9:59Speaker 4: bit of benign total where their lives are their own.
- 10:02Speaker 4: I'm not trying to live their life, and I don't
- 10:04Speaker 4: mind that they see that I love mine.
- 10:07Speaker 1: Is there research on this, So first thing I have
- 10:10Speaker 1: to say is the whole helicopter parenting thing is a
- 10:13Speaker 1: lot more American than it is Australian. Ossie parents tend
- 10:16Speaker 1: to be a little bit more benignly neglectful of their
- 10:20Speaker 1: kids anyway, not in a terrible way, but in a
- 10:22Speaker 1: really healthy, positive way, and that's quite good. In terms
- 10:26Speaker 1: of research, though, I would say, yes, the research is there,
- 10:29Speaker 1: and it's called stop being a helicopter parent. Research shows
- 10:32Speaker 1: that when we support our children's autonomy, when we get
- 10:34Speaker 1: out of the way of our kids when we're there
- 10:36Speaker 1: to support them, but not to be involved in every
- 10:39Speaker 1: aspect of their lives all the time, they tend to thrive.
- 10:42Speaker 1: They just do a whole lot better. They just need
- 10:43Speaker 1: to know that we're there. So parental benign neglect is
- 10:46Speaker 1: in I wrote about it way back when I wrote
- 10:48Speaker 1: my book twenty one Days to a Happier Family, which
- 10:50Speaker 1: was like ten or twelve years ago, and even then
- 10:53Speaker 1: I was highlighting that parental benign neglect is actually a
- 10:57Speaker 1: pretty healthy way to be raising our kids. We're there
- 11:01Speaker 1: when they need us, but other than that, we stay
- 11:03Speaker 1: out of their way.
- 11:04Speaker 2: And this actually takes a lot of pressure of parents
- 11:09Speaker 2: if they just trust in the process of our children's
- 11:14Speaker 2: development and growth and giving them the space that they
- 11:17Speaker 2: need to kind of work through the challenges as they come.
- 11:19Speaker 1: So we've done a whole lot of prep for this
- 11:21Speaker 1: podcast episode. We didn't talk about what you just said,
- 11:23Speaker 1: and it's so important. As soon as you said that
- 11:25Speaker 1: word trust in development, you reminded me of a really
- 11:28Speaker 1: important research paper by Landry and colleagues from around about
- 11:31Speaker 1: I think it was about two thousand and six or thereabouts,
- 11:34Speaker 1: where they're talking about how kids who are most likely
- 11:38Speaker 1: to thrive. Are the ones whose parents do exactly that,
- 11:41Speaker 1: and that's the word that they use trust or that's
- 11:43Speaker 1: the phrase they use trust in a child's natural development process.
- 11:49Speaker 1: That's what we're talking about, and parental benign neglect is
- 11:51Speaker 1: more likely to get us there. Let's move on to
- 11:54Speaker 1: trend number four for twenty twenty four. We'll go through
- 11:56Speaker 1: the last too nice and quickly. Trend in number four
- 11:58Speaker 1: is this gentle parents is going to continue to be
- 12:01Speaker 1: all the rage and trendspotters reckon that gentle parenting is
- 12:05Speaker 1: going to extend to the way we name our kids
- 12:08Speaker 1: in twenty twenty four.
- 12:10Speaker 2: Well, according to baby name website name Barry, this calm
- 12:14Speaker 2: and sympathetic parenting style is influencing how parents name their kids.
- 12:18Speaker 2: They've said this and I quote. We're seeing a direct
- 12:20Speaker 2: correlation with gentle, soft sounding names. Parents are favoring names
- 12:25Speaker 2: with calm auras and mellow sounds. Vowels feature prominently in
- 12:29Speaker 2: these names, along with fluid consonants like C, F, L
- 12:34Speaker 2: and S. Girls' names that end with A are both
- 12:37Speaker 2: popular and gentle. Some gentle parenting names to look out
- 12:40Speaker 2: for in the new year. Elba Elis Faye Alfie Una
- 12:46Speaker 2: Willer and Asa.
- 12:48Speaker 1: Okay, love your reaction. I'm not buying it. I'm just
- 12:51Speaker 1: not buying I think the trendspots are stretching on this one.
- 12:54Speaker 1: People name their name, they name the kids' names based
- 12:56Speaker 1: on what they like. I don't think gentle parenting trends
- 12:58Speaker 1: are going to affect parenting names. I'm pushing back on
- 13:01Speaker 1: that one. What do you think.
- 13:02Speaker 2: Well, look, I don't know if it's going to be
- 13:03Speaker 2: a trend or not, but it played a significant role
- 13:07Speaker 2: in how I named each of our girls.
- 13:10Speaker 1: What gentle parenting gentle sounds Chanelle, Abby, Ella, Annie, Lily, Emily.
- 13:20Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, I've just poop poohed exactly what you did.
- 13:24Speaker 2: I really believe there's something in a person's name, and
- 13:26Speaker 2: I loved the idea that my children would grow up
- 13:29Speaker 2: all right, soft personality.
- 13:31Speaker 1: Maybe it's a thing. Maybe it's a thing. I'll give
- 13:34Speaker 1: you that. Let's do the last one.
- 13:36Speaker 2: Last one. They're saying thrifting is in vintage over you,
- 13:42Speaker 2: jen Zen, parents care more about the environment than older parents. Apparently.
- 13:46Speaker 1: Yeah. I found a quote from Rati Levesque, who is
- 13:49Speaker 1: the co CEO and president of the Real Real it's
- 13:51Speaker 1: a top luxury resale marketplace, and this is what Rati said.
- 13:55Speaker 1: A potential recession, the climate crisis, and global unrest are
- 14:00Speaker 1: all reasons that going into twenty twenty four, consumers are
- 14:03Speaker 1: making shopping decisions based on value, with sixty six percent
- 14:07Speaker 1: saying they shop resale primarily to get a good deal
- 14:10Speaker 1: as well as their personal value. Obviously, shopping resale means
- 14:13Speaker 1: buying secondhand. This is on trend, This is on the up.
- 14:17Speaker 1: Parents are heading in this direction, according to the trend spots.
- 14:21Speaker 1: What do you think? Do you do you think that
- 14:23Speaker 1: that's what's happening.
- 14:25Speaker 2: Oh, I'd love to think that this was what will
- 14:27Speaker 2: actually happen, but I don't. Well, I think it's a
- 14:31Speaker 2: great idea, I don't think it's something that will really
- 14:33Speaker 2: take off in any significant why numbers Because it takes
- 14:37Speaker 2: too much time, the convenience of just going to the
- 14:40Speaker 2: shop and picking up what you want and knowing it's
- 14:42Speaker 2: going to be there in your size, clean, ready to go.
- 14:45Speaker 1: You're pretty partial to marketplace.
- 14:46Speaker 2: I love market Place.
- 14:47Speaker 1: It's the same thing exactly.
- 14:49Speaker 2: But it takes time, and so so many times I
- 14:52Speaker 2: see things that I really like the idea of. But
- 14:54Speaker 2: oh I've got to drive another twenty minutes down the road,
- 14:57Speaker 2: and the organizing with the person to make sure my
- 15:00Speaker 2: my timetable works with theirs, and getting it's just tricky.
- 15:05Speaker 2: So for the average person, time, poor parent who just
- 15:09Speaker 2: wants products now, it's just not feasible. Okay, what do
- 15:13Speaker 2: you think? One word Sheen, actually two words and Timu.
- 15:18Speaker 2: Sheen and Timu.
- 15:20Speaker 1: I have no doubt that buying secondhand going retro or
- 15:23Speaker 1: vintage or thrift or whatever is definitely rising. There's definitely
- 15:28Speaker 1: more interest in it, but it's just too convenient and
- 15:33Speaker 1: too cheap. And when you've got these Chinese global behemoths
- 15:37Speaker 1: like Sheen and Timu, I just don't think that it's
- 15:41Speaker 1: actually going to ever be more popular and more more
- 15:45Speaker 1: sought after than brand new stuff. The Sheen juggernaut is
- 15:49Speaker 1: just massive. And as much as people say that they
- 15:52Speaker 1: care about values and ethics and the environment, price wins
- 15:57Speaker 1: every time. And I just don't think that this this
- 16:01Speaker 1: trend is actually going to stick or be strong enough.
- 16:04Speaker 2: So they're the five big trends for twenty twenty four.
- 16:07Speaker 2: How are we trending so far?
- 16:08Speaker 1: Okay, Well, celebrating small wins, I love it. Keeping kids
- 16:11Speaker 1: off sharenting, totally into it, parental benign neglect. It works
- 16:15Speaker 1: for me. Gentle parenting names well, we're past that anyway.
- 16:18Speaker 1: We've named all of our kids. But for people who
- 16:19Speaker 1: are listening who are coming up with names, I think
- 16:21Speaker 1: they're going to do whatever they want. As for retro
- 16:24Speaker 1: and thrifting, near Sheene is just too big. My real
- 16:28Speaker 1: answer to this, though, is just stay off TikTok. If
- 16:30Speaker 1: you don't care about the trends, stay off TikTok. It'll
- 16:32Speaker 1: never bother you everything. I'll be fine. We so much
- 16:35Speaker 1: appreciate that you've been listening to the podcast. Hopefully you've
- 16:37Speaker 1: gotten heaps out of it. The Happy Families podcast is
- 16:39Speaker 1: produced by Justin Roland from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is
- 16:42Speaker 1: our executive producer. For more information about making your family
- 16:45Speaker 1: happy and staying with the stuff that is the same
- 16:48Speaker 1: as ever, the stuff that doesn't change according to trends,
- 16:51Speaker 1: the stuff that just builds strong, solid families. You know,
- 16:55Speaker 1: we can find a Happy Families dot com dot a
- 16:57Speaker 1: yuke have st