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How Coaching Gave Me My Voice and Changed My Life · Candid Coach Conversations

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  Hello there and welcome to Candid Coach Conversations.
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  I'm Kimberly Boyd, founder of Live Life Fully,
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  and today I have with me Miss Shuntá Montgomery,
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  the amazing Shuntá Hello.
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  Hello. Hi, how are you?
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  Doing great and so glad to see you and be able to chat with you today.
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  How was your weekend?
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  My weekend was busy.
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  It was my grand twins' birthday celebration.
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  And so ~ yeah, it was very busy with setting up for their birthday pool party with
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  a nacho bar with
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  a lot of different toppings.
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  So fun. Did they have a great time?
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  They did. They had a grand time.
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  Yes.
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  A grand time for your grands.
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  Absolutely.
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  I love it. So what was your most favorite part?
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  Of this weekend? getting to see their joy.
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  One, when they ~ went swimming,
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  and then two, when they opened their presents.
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  believe it or not, Journey asked for an iPad and was not happy when
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  she unwrapped the iPad. She was not happy when she unwrapped unwrapped every gift
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  until she got the specific gift that she was looking for.
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  Which was ~ K-pop stars betting.
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  Go figure.
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  Okay.
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  Girl knows what she wants.
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  Yes. And
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  she kept searching and was like,
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  okay, next,
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  ~
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  next. And when she got the the bedding,
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  she was like, Okay, I'm out. I wanna go put it on my bed
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  my gosh, that's cute. Okay, so you enjoyed watching them opening their gifts,
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  the joy, the excitement, time with their friends and time with the family.
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  That's good.
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  Yes. And I
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  even invited strangers to the party because there were some kids at the pool.
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  And I was like, it's no sense in we're having a nacho bar and having
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  all this food and not inviting them.
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  So I was like, hey, y'all wanna come in and partake in the nacho bar?
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  And so they did. We I ended up talking and getting to know ~ two of the ladies.
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  One lady was the leasing agent that actually ~ helped my daughter
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  get into the apartment. And then another lady we think lives underneath my daughter.
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  Which
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  Great.
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  yes, and was very ~ ironic and interesting because she was like,
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  I think someone lives above me and their kid has autism.
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  And I was like, yeah, that would be us,
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  my daughter. And so I got to talk to the leasing agent about that and you know,
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  share my concerns about that because we really did try to get
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  a first floor apartment because we know he stems a lot.
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  however, we wasn't able to.
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  And so she kind of put my mind at ease and she was like,
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  Well, it is an apartment complex and people know what they get into when they
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  get into an apartment complex.
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  So
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  Nice. Okay.
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  Well good. Awesome. Well congratulations
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  Yes.
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  on celebrating your twin's birthday.
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  That's super fun. Yeah.
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  It was. Thank you.
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  When I think about you and the work that you do with people
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  in your coaching business at Live Life Fully,
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  I think about, well, personal development.
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  And when I think about you, the queen of self-care,
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  the queen of self-love, the queen of level up,
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  I think about personal development as a whole.
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  And the whole idea that personal growth is that.
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  It is personal.
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  And I want to hear from you like when you hear personal growth is personal,
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  like what comes up for you? What does that mean to you?
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  Hmm, great question. well,
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  what I have learned is that personal growth is my own experience,
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  and I'm not only gonna experience it differently from everyone else.
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  ~ I can't expect everyone to be ready for personal growth at my speed
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  or when I'm ready. And I think that was the one of the hardest lessons
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  for me to learn because I'm like,
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  I'm diving in, I'm ready for personal growth,
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  and I want everyone else around me to be ready for personal growth.
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  And that's not their story. They have to realize it.
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  for themselves and be ready for themselves.
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  And so I could choose to accept them as they is,
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  meet them where they're at, and when they're ready,
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  they're ready.
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  So thinking about you, when you first decided to get involved
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  in personal development or personal growth,
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  what was the tipping point for you?
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  So I know that you and I had talked about it.
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  I was coaching people,
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  But what was that tipping point?
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  Because you're right. It has to be on your timetable.
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  I remember another friend of mine when I came back from an event,
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  I was sharing and all the things that I had learned.
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  And sh and that friend said to me,
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  Kimberly, you need to remember not everybody is on the same personal growth journey
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  that you're on. And I was like,
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  okay. And so, yeah, so when I do,
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  it is personal. And so what was that tipping point for you that made you decide,
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  you know what?
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  I wanna get on my growth journey and with that I'm gonna hire a coach.
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  Yeah. So for me, I think a lot of things started unfolding at the same time.
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  I finished my hours for LPC,
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  licensed professional counselor,
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  and then I was like, what next?
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  So between the what next and then always believing that I was made
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  for more and that ~ I was built for greatness.
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  And I didn't know what was that.
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  Like, what was greatness? How was I gonna get there?
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  I didn't know anything, but and I did know you.
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  And just watching
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  Yeah.
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  you and how you carried yourself and how you,
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  you know, presented yourself, like I wanted more of you.
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  Not like I wanted to be like you,
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  but I just wanted to.
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  Have that happiness, have that joy,
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  have that I have my shit together and I'm going places.
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  Just having that knowledge of knowing with all of what are my next steps
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  and how am I gonna get there and the confidence that you exude.
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  Like in in supervision, I remember you having me stand up
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  and stand in a Wonder Woman pose.
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  And I had never done that before,
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  never heard of that, and never knew how powerful that was for me to actually
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  do that and to, you know, represent such a courageous,
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  powerful woman and to exude that.
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  And I was like, yeah, I wanna be around her.
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  I wanna, you know, I I I want to drink the Kool-Aid.
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  I knew that a pose could
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  Ha ha ha.
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  have such an effect.
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  Yeah, it really did.
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  Yeah, so good. Okay, so I with that,
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  because personal growth is so personal,
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  so you made the decision. You you struck the Wonder Woman pose.
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  I do remember that day vividly.
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  You struck the pose. And I think,
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  if I remember correctly, the first pose,
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  I was like, make it a little more bold and a little more loud.
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  And so you did, and from that you did.
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  I remember. I mean, I know I've witnessed these steps that you've taken
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  and the changes that you've made.
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  And keeping in mind that personal growth is so personal.
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  when you think back to that time,
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  like really look in that rear-view mirror.
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  Did it have some impacts, maybe negative,
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  maybe positive, maybe a little neutral,
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  impacts with the people around you?
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  Absolutely. I laugh because I mean I think different perspectives will believe that
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  it affected each one of us differently.
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  However, absolutely. I feel comfortable sharing this story because recently
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  my husband vocalized it and so I was like,
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  okay, you're okay with sharing this story?
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  Okay, what story is this? I wanna know.
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  ~ It was
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  just that getting coached gave me my voice,
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  right? Like coming from a background of sexual abuse,
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  witnessing ~ drugs and alcohol abuse my entire life,
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  I didn't have a voice. I was very codependent.
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  I didn't know what love was. And so I accepted a lot of things because
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  I just didn't know. and coaching helped me have
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  have my voice and realize that I matter,
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  I have a say, and that I don't have to take things that I don't want to take.
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  Like I get to decide how I want to live my life,
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  how I want to show up, and who I want around me.
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  And so yes, coaching helped give me that voice to where I was able to vocalize that,
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  hey, like I'm not going to take the disrespect.
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  And you don't have to be on this personal growth journey with me and
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  I'm still not gonna take the disrespect.
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  and so that continued the disrespect.
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  And so even after being married to my husband for eleven years,
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  getting a divorce and being divorced for a year and a half,
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  and then getting remarried during COVID,
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  I made the decision to leave him again because he was not respecting that
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  boundary that
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  I choose to be respected when we have a conversation,
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  when we have an argument. I didn't care.
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  And ~ it definitely was a hard decision.
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  It was not an easy decision. however,
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  it was a decision that I felt I needed to make because he wasn't listening to me.
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  And so yeah, I packed up my son and we left.
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  We moved out and we stayed gone for two years,
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  to where we were living apart,
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  Thanks.
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  living
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  separately, and we had some
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  some some things that we both have to work on in order for us to get back together.
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  for us to be okay with cohabitating together peacefully.
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  Not necessarily peacefully, 'cause I don't wanna to put out that it is
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  all happy and sunshine and rainbows.
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  Like we still have our days, but we're gonna have our arguments respectfully.
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  Sure. Okay. So
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  So the impact of your personal growth was what I'm hearing is that
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  you were really recognizing what you wanted,
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  how you wanted to be treated, how you wanted to treat people,
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  and with that, you made a decision to separate from your husband.
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  So he was listening or he wasn't listening,
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  you made the decision. This is not the life that I want to be living,
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  and therefore I'm going to remove myself from this living situation.
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  Go ahead.
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  Yeah.
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  Okay. And so and right, I don't know.
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  He might say that was a negative or positive,
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  who knows? and I'm wondering if you've noticed some other ripple effects
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  of your personal growth. The path that you've been on on this whole
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  per personal growth and personal development journey,
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  have you noticed some ripples that
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  have not led to because you're it personal growth does usually change relationships.
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  all relationships.
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  Hundred percent.
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  And so I'm curious, what other ripple effects have you noticed?
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  Well, some friends have weeded themselves out of my life,
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  for whatever reason.
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  Time management is better, whereas ~ I I don't wanna say I demand,
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  but I go by a schedule now. Go figure.
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  Okay.
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  Whereas I didn't have a schedule.
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  Now I go by a schedule. And so I I do value my friendships and I do want
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  to spend time with my friends.
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  however, I want to put you on my schedule so that I can be intentional with that
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  time. Like when I'm there, I want to give you my attention.
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  and so for whatever reason, some friends have left.
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  They, you know, have their own personal reasons.
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  my son
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  As a result of just surrounding myself with different people,
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  he sparks conversations. So he's more vocal when it comes to talking to strangers.
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  I am currently back at home, so I recently just moved back at home.
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  So it is that ripple effect that you know we both worked on each other
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  and we both figured it out and managed to work back into each other's life under
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  one roof. So
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  Yeah, that's awesome. Yes, and I've witnessed your son watching
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  you spark conversations and then sparking himself,
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  which has been outstanding to witness.
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  Yes, 'cause
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  whatever growth opportunity, personal growth,
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  development that I can get him,
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  my daughter, my husband to, I do.
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  I invite them alone. It's theirs to accept or reject.
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  And even when I invite them, they still receive the information that they receive.
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  Yes, absolutely. So when people are on a personal growth,
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  personal development journey, and recognizing again that it is personal
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  to that person, what are some pieces of advice that you would give people
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  so that it doesn't become like I'm doing all of this,
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  this person's not doing it, therefore
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  I'm ending it or it's over. Or anger and resentment toward the person that's
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  not on that same path. What are some advice you would give?
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  that seems more like it's about them than the other person.
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  And so that's focused on others' growth rather than your growth.
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  And for me, personal growth is your growth.
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  Like I didn't leave my husband because he wasn't growing.
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  I left my husband because the way he treated me,
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  I no longer wanted to be treated that way.
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  And
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  I let him know, hey, that's not acceptable to me anymore.
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  And he continued to do that. And so that's why I left.
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  but I do believe that, you know,
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  it's it's your journey, it's your walk.
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  And that sounds more like an ultimatum.
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  Like, you know, either you grow or I'm gone.
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  Well, that's not fair, because you had to grow in your own time and you
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  had to take your own strides.
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  ~ to get to where you at. So I think it's more so about setting healthy boundaries.
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  And if that person is willing to work within your healthy boundaries,
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  then there's still opportunity for growth in a relationship because that's growth.
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  I love that you said that because saying that,
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  you know, the person themselves they had to take the time or it took however long
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  to get to the point to get on a personal growth path.
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  And I love that you said that because one thing I like to remind myself is what if
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  Everyone is growing every day and growth looks different.
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  It looks different on you than it does on me.
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  It looks different on the stranger that I met at the grocery store.
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  Like what if we stopped and thought like a reframe of everybody's growing every
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  day in one way or another, and it might be different.
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  Yeah. Yeah.
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  So I love that
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  you brought that up.
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  And who am I to judge their path and their way?
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  Like again, it goes back to boundaries and how they're treating me and what
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  I expect in a relationship. And if they're checking off that,
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  then to me that's a plus. And if they're working on their growth or like you said,
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  they're doing their own thing in their own ways,
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  that's still
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  growth.
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  Mm-hmm. Yeah, and what I'm hearing from you is that it's not always about perfection
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  or a person doing everything perfectly and just right.
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  It is about the awareness. Like I think awareness is so important
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  and having that personal awareness that ~ shoot.
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  I said whatever and that's something that person didn't like and I ~
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  I realized I said it after it came out of my mouth and I can't put it back
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  and even though I can't put those words back in and swallow them,
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  what can I do? And I can go acknowledge what I said or what I did.
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  Yes. And I think perfection will stop people.
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  Like if you're expecting perfection out of yourself or anyone,
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  that's gonna stop you. I know it would stop me.
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  I'm not perfect by any means. It's so for me I have to remind myself it's progress,
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  right? Like I am making progress.
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  I am one day better than I was yesterday.
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  Mm-hmm. So how do you track that?
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  To know that you're making progress.
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  and again, this is your personal growth journey,
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  and so I'd love for the listeners to hear how you track that.
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  So if you're better today, one bit better,
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  one step, one tidbit better today than you were yesterday,
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  how do you know? How are you tracking it?
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  Great question. And I think it really just depends on what you're working on.
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  ~
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  Okay.
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  for you to be able to track it and be able to know it.
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  And so like I said intentions for my day.
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  I have a six o'clock alarm that goes off that reminds me to be positive,
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  present, and purposefully. And so at the end of the day,
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  I have a reflection, right? Like,
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  was I positive today? Was I
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  living on purpose and was I present and if not,
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  then I need to reflect and sometimes I do have to go back and apologize and say,
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  Hey, you know what, that wasn't quite positive what I said.
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  And by no means did I mean to be negative by saying those words and so I apologize.
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  And so for me, that's my way of tracking like how many times did I have
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  to go back and apologize?
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  when I was with my family, was I intentional?
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  Did I have my phone? Did I have my laptop out?
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  So it's just personal things that I'm working on.
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  Am I moving the needle? Am I progressing in that?
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  Beautiful. Okay, so the reflection piece is how you're keeping track
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  of your progress.
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  Yes.
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  Great. And so you talked about setting the intention each morning and
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  you have that alarm that goes off.
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  Does that alarm change or is that like set for life?
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  Right now it's set for life for right now life.
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  because I'm still working on that.
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  I
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  Okay.
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  think once I master it, not perfect it,
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  but master it, then it will change.
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  Because it has changed. I can't remember what it used to be,
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  but it has changed over the ~ years because I hadn't always needed to
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  be where I'm at now. I needed to work on something else.
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  And so now I'm
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  Breaked on that and now I move towards this.
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  That's so good. Okay, so you said not perfect it,
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  but master it. A, what is the difference?
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  And B, how will you know?
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  Another great question. So when I think of master,
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  I think of the star test, right?
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  And there's
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  ~
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  a score. I know. But there's a score,
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  right? There's a range to me in my head that says you mastered it.
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  It
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  Okay.
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  doesn't mean that you got a perfect SAT score.
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  It just means that you got in the range that you absolutely without a doubt
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  ha know what you're doing when it comes to this subject.
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  And so
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  Perfectionism is for me perfect,
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  no mistakes. You do this all day,
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  every day. This is what you do.
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  Okay. And so how will you know for you personally?
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  Again, personal growth is personal.
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  So how will you know personally when you have mastered that morning intention
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  of positive purpose and the third one present?
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  Present. Present.
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  Yeah.
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  When it's not something it's second nature.
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  It's not something I have to think about and be intentional about.
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  So my reflection piece doesn't even have to come in the afternoon.
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  It's more automatic right then and there in the moment.
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  wait a minute. That's not how I want to show up.
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  So let me rephrase that. Or even not even showing up like that anymore.
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  Okay, awesome. Any other words or ideas that come up for you when
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  you think about personal growth being personal?
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  I believe greatness is in everyone.
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  And so
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  gosh.
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  I just I believe that we just have to not just we we get to untap it,
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  you know, you get to find it and figure out what does your greatness look like.
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  Mm-hmm.
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  And then show the world.
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  So good. Awesome, Shuntá I'm so glad you joined us today
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  on Candid Coach Conversations.
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  And I do hope you'll come back and chat with us again sometime soon.
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  Awesome.
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  Will love to.
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  Okay, everyone, thank you for joining us today for Candid Coach Conversations.
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  Remember to live life fully and enjoy every moment.
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  We'll see you soon.