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Rebuilding Connections · Relationship Talk Thursday

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Speaker 1: It's Sonya Blaky, It's Inspiration thirteen ninety.
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Speaker 2: It's relationship Talk Thursday. Man, relationships are what we're talking
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Speaker 2: about today. We've been doing it all month.
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Speaker 1: We kicked off the first week of February with the Glens.
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Speaker 1: We're gonna finish with the Glens. We might have to
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Speaker 1: take this on the road. I don't know, but it's
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Speaker 1: been great. Pastor Jimone Glenn, Pastor Erica Glenn of New Life.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, what's up New Life? What's up?
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Speaker 1: Pastor hand I'm gonna have to start bringing in breakfast,
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Speaker 1: especially for Lady Erica.
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Speaker 3: You know, she loves me.
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Speaker 2: Some snacks amount to bring you a mom's down of some.
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Speaker 1: But we are in store for a great conversation and
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Speaker 1: just we just want to help marriages.
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Speaker 2: We want to help relationships. That's what it's all about.
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Speaker 1: We're not trying to beat nobody up, but we're trying
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Speaker 1: to give you the wisdom and the keys and the tools.
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Speaker 2: To have a successful marriage.
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Speaker 1: So today we want to talk about, let me make
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Speaker 1: sure I get my notes here, rebuilding connection after disconnection.
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Speaker 1: Now it's about restoring trust, intimacy, and emotional closeness.
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Speaker 2: Who is this topic?
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Speaker 3: Four? Would you in this process called marriage right on
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Speaker 3: this journey right, Sometimes things get broken, things break, people
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Speaker 3: don't apply, don't do it right, they mess up, but
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Speaker 3: they realize we got stake in the game, and just
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Speaker 3: because we made some mess ups. I don't want to
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Speaker 3: get rid of you. I want to work it out.
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Speaker 3: I want to figure out how to work it out.
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Speaker 3: But as we always say, you know, I don't want
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Speaker 3: this version of our marriage. You know I want a
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Speaker 3: better version. I don't I want the two point. Oh,
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Speaker 3: I want the upgraded version of our marriage, not an
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Speaker 3: upgraded version of another relationship. And so that requires once
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Speaker 3: you made that decision to stick it out and get
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Speaker 3: into it, it requires rebuilding and fixing some broken places.
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Speaker 3: So trust is broken. Sometimes intimacy has broken, so emotional
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Speaker 3: closeness is broken. And so we always say that to
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Speaker 3: combat those things, you got to build with trust, you
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Speaker 3: got to leave with forgiveness, and you got to have intimacy. Right,
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Speaker 3: So those are three ways that we deal with trust, forgive,
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Speaker 3: and intimacy. So trust is simply the foundation is not
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Speaker 3: really something. I don't know. Can you earn trust? I don't.
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Speaker 4: I don't know if you can earn trust or if
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Speaker 4: it's just something that you have to just be intentional.
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Speaker 4: You have to be intentional about it.
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Speaker 2: And I think, you.
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Speaker 4: Know, when I think about trust, I always think about
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Speaker 4: being a child and when you do something that is
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Speaker 4: against your parents and they don't trust you and they
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Speaker 4: tell you they don't trust you and you lost it,
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Speaker 4: and how you try to regain their trust.
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Speaker 2: So like you clean up the house and you.
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Speaker 4: Do all you do all of these things, you know,
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Speaker 4: all of the stuff that you would just first, Yeah,
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Speaker 4: you just didn't didn't care about it. And you're like, no,
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Speaker 4: because I really want them to put me back in
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Speaker 4: that place and I want them to see me that way.
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Speaker 4: And I feel that way in your marriage, if there
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Speaker 4: has trust has been broken, you want your spouse to
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Speaker 4: look at you in a certain kind of way and
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Speaker 4: you know that they're going to look at you through
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Speaker 4: the lenses of forgiveness. But that's what you're that's to me,
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Speaker 4: that's what you're aiming for.
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Speaker 3: And trust is rebuilt if there is a rebuilding through consistency,
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Speaker 3: through transparency, through vulnerability. So if that ever is a breach,
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Speaker 3: you know, you gotta do the work. You gotta be
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Speaker 3: willing to do the work and the work goes on
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Speaker 3: both sides because the person that is been violated feel
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Speaker 3: like they're the task master, like they holding something around head. Now, no,
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Speaker 3: you gotta earn my trust. You got to earn it again.
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Speaker 3: But that's not the way God does you, right, So
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Speaker 3: if you allow somebody to rebuild and regain trust, then
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Speaker 3: don't keep repeating the offense. Don't keep holding it against them,
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Speaker 3: don't keep reminding them of the past while you're trying
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Speaker 3: to move in the future. So you broke the trust,
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Speaker 3: you gotta rebuild by consistent actions. The trust was broken
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Speaker 3: towards you. You gotta reveal by consistent actions for forgiving
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Speaker 3: and loving and not rehearsing the past so that you
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Speaker 3: can move on to the future. It's hard to move
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Speaker 3: on in the future when you keep bringing up my past.
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Speaker 1: Have you all worked for couples that have been able
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Speaker 1: to rebuild trust and their marriage relationships.
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Speaker 2: You've seen victories, right, yes, And.
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Speaker 4: You see victories because people they have hope, they have
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Speaker 4: great expectation. They're realizing that we have too much in
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Speaker 4: this to just walk away. And it's like, you know,
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Speaker 4: this person could be in a different state of mind.
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Speaker 4: It's like I feel like when trust is broken, the
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Speaker 4: other person is discovering something about themselves that they didn't
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Speaker 4: know was broken. And because of that, I think that
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Speaker 4: the other partners should have compassion that they are learning
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Speaker 4: more about themselves. Like marriage is a mirror and marriage
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Speaker 4: is showing you who you are, and they're showing you
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Speaker 4: some places that you didn't necessarily want to look at.
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Speaker 4: And so I think that when trust is broken, it's
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Speaker 4: more to me. It's deeper than just I broke trust
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Speaker 4: with you. It's more up. There's something that's dysfunctional inside
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Speaker 4: of me, and me being a relationship with you highlighted
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Speaker 4: that dysfunction. And now as an individual, I have to
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Speaker 4: do the work of why was that there and why.
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Speaker 2: Did I do that to somebody that I love.
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Speaker 3: People are so funny and contradictory. It's like you want,
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Speaker 3: you want it, but you don't want to give it.
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Speaker 3: We teach in our marriage conferences, give what you want,
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Speaker 3: don't just take what you want. Give what you want.
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Speaker 3: You want trust you want to be forgiven, So give it.
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Speaker 2: That's good, all right, we're gonna come back. We're talking
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Speaker 2: good today. Rebuilding connection after disconnection.
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Speaker 1: If you've gone through a divorce, have you gone through
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Speaker 1: any type of breakup anything. We want to make sure
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Speaker 1: that we tap in and help you where you're hurting.
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Speaker 1: All right, you can call us eight five, five, nine, nine,
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Speaker 1: thirteen nine. A're gonna come back and talk about forgiveness, giveness.
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Speaker 1: It's relationship talk Thursday with the Glenn's Pastor Dermone and
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Speaker 1: Pastor Erica Glenn.
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Speaker 2: New Life is their church.
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Speaker 1: They serve as executive past us and they have put
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Speaker 1: the work in twenty years into this. They've written books,
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Speaker 1: they're book writers, and they are annointed to talk about relationships.
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Speaker 1: So who would you say this conversation is for, because
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Speaker 1: the topic is rebuilding connection after this connection? Is this
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Speaker 1: somebody that's been heard, been divorced or what was this
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Speaker 1: for everybody?
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Speaker 3: But it's all the things that you said at the
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Speaker 3: top of the segment and the end of the last one.
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Speaker 3: It is if there's brokenness there, there's been an impast
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Speaker 3: there's been a disconnection. This is for you and in
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Speaker 3: moments in marriage, it happens for everybody. This is a
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Speaker 3: big one. It's forgiveness, forgiveness, God to forgive. We talked
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Speaker 3: about this at the marriage prayer at the end of
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Speaker 3: January on the other side of your prayer requests. What's
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Speaker 3: in between you and God answering your prayers is forgiving
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Speaker 3: your spouse. You cannot receive from God unless you release them.
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Speaker 3: God simply says, if you want forgiveness, you've got to forgive.
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Speaker 3: And if you have an issue with your spouse and
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Speaker 3: you don't take it to them, God says, lay that
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Speaker 3: on the altar, go get that right, and then come
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Speaker 3: back to me. So I think forgiveness is something that
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Speaker 3: we that we struggle with, right, and it's not a feeling.
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Speaker 3: It's a decision choose to forgive forgive on the premise
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Speaker 3: that God wants you to be able to forgive. And
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Speaker 3: you can't love without forgiving. So if you're going to love,
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Speaker 3: you're gonna you're gonna you're gonna have to practice forgive me.
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Speaker 3: So let go to hurt, like go to pain, Let
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Speaker 3: go to past, make space for healing, talk about more
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Speaker 3: about what you want than what they did, and just
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Speaker 3: learn and forgive.
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Speaker 1: It's an easier said than done, right, it can be.
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Speaker 4: Yeah, I think I think our human nature feeling like
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Speaker 4: we gotta get somebody, I gotta get you back, I
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Speaker 4: gotta take care of you, nobody's gonna nobody's gonna do
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Speaker 4: that to me, Like I feel that the whole thing. Yeah,
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Speaker 4: it triggers you. But if you sit in a posture
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Speaker 4: of forgiveness, and I know people feel like it's easier
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Speaker 4: said than done. But I guess for me, I just
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Speaker 4: be like, listen, I have jacked up so much and
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Speaker 4: God forgives me and he acts like it never even happened.
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Speaker 4: So it's like, how dare I hold something against someone
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Speaker 4: when God forgives me so freely. So for me, yes,
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Speaker 4: has there been some times where it was difficult to forgive?
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Speaker 2: Yes, but because that.
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Speaker 4: But at the end of the day, I'm like, hey,
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Speaker 4: I got too much that I need God to do
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Speaker 4: and you are not about to be in the way
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Speaker 4: of me getting what God has for me. So it's
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Speaker 4: like I don't want that in my heart. And to me,
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Speaker 4: it's a lot of work to be unforgiving. It's just
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Speaker 4: so much work. It's just so much work. It's so
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Speaker 4: much work to be mad, it's so much work to
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Speaker 4: have resentment. It's so much work to exactly, it's so
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Speaker 4: much work not to talk to you. It's so much
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Speaker 4: work to avoid you, and all of that is just
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Speaker 4: so it's so much work, and you should know that.
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Speaker 4: If it's work like that, then it's not supposed to
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Speaker 4: be something that you have in your heart. So the
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Speaker 4: easier the quicker you are to forgive, the easier you
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Speaker 4: are to move on. It doesn't mean that I really forget,
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Speaker 4: but I just don't hold it. Yeah, I don't hold
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Speaker 4: it because I want to be healed. I don't want
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Speaker 4: to love from that place. I don't want to love
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Speaker 4: from that seat. I want to love from the seat
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Speaker 4: of forgiveness.
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Speaker 2: That's really you're going to come back. We had a
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Speaker 2: question you guys.
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Speaker 1: You can think about it a little bit, talking about
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Speaker 1: how to rebuild after emotional or physical distance?
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Speaker 2: A question come in, so think about it, take a break.
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Speaker 2: Be back with the Glens here on Relationship Talk Thursday.
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Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening and calling Inspiration thirteen
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Speaker 1: ninety Relationship Talk.
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Speaker 2: Thursday, Here with the Glens. You got a question for
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Speaker 2: our team, Yes, I do.
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Speaker 4: I just want to know how do you build your
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Speaker 4: relationships after emotional or physical distance?
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Speaker 2: Did you guys get that?
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Speaker 1: How to rebuild after emotional or physical distance?
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Speaker 2: That was your question, right, Yeah.
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Speaker 4: How to how to rebuild I would say, after physical
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Speaker 4: distance is to get back, just get back to the physics. Physics, okay, sorry,
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Speaker 4: And I think that I think that it doesn't have
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Speaker 4: to It doesn't have to initially or automatically be sex.
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Speaker 2: But it could be hand holding.
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Speaker 4: It could be sitting when you're sitting on the couch
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Speaker 4: or whatever, or if there's telling, if you're watching TV,
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Speaker 4: that you make sure that you're close to each other
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Speaker 4: when you're in the car, grabbing the person's hand, like
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Speaker 4: it's just small simple steps before you get to the
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Speaker 4: big bang that you want to have, so the you
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Speaker 4: can have some kind of connection, because we'll be surprised
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Speaker 4: how many couples do not.
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Speaker 2: Touch each other.
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Speaker 4: My husband always he always lets me know, do you
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Speaker 4: realize you have not touched me today?
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Speaker 2: And I'm like, dang, I didn't even realize that. I
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Speaker 2: don't get mad.
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Speaker 4: I just go to touch him quickly, especially if that's
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Speaker 4: their love language. Then for the emotional part, how to
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Speaker 4: rebuild that, I would definitely say, you have to get
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Speaker 4: to a place of vulnerability and you have to be
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Speaker 4: okay with being vulnerable, you know. And Genesis it says
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Speaker 4: that they were naked and unashamed, right, they were not
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Speaker 4: ashamed being naked in front of their spouse. And that's
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Speaker 4: just not physically, but that's also emotionally. So allowing your
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Speaker 4: spouse to come in and be able to handle your emotions,
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Speaker 4: handle what is going on inside of you, handle what happened.
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Speaker 4: And we might think that it's small and they don't
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Speaker 4: really want to hear it, but that's a point of connection,
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Speaker 4: and it could just be the smallest thing that allows
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Speaker 4: for connection. They may not even thought that you looked
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Speaker 4: at something that way or whatever, or just you told
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Speaker 4: the world or you told everybody at your job, but
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Speaker 4: you didn't tell your spouse what happened. So other people
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Speaker 4: have information that your spouse doesn't happen. They're the person
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Speaker 4: that's supposed to have all of the information. So you
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Speaker 4: just want to make sure that you don't have that
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Speaker 4: disconnect emotionally nor physically.
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Speaker 2: And those are some ways to make sure that's awesome.
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Speaker 3: Feeling that one. Yeah, yeah, I mean I would just
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Speaker 3: agree with everything she said and just kind of summarize
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Speaker 3: it with a word of intention. Right, So with intention,
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Speaker 3: sometimes you're waiting to feel like being intimate before we
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Speaker 3: are intimate, but don't wait till you feel like it,
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Speaker 3: and if you got to wait to feel like it,
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Speaker 3: didn't make the other person feel like or make yourself
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Speaker 3: feel like it because it is a part of your intention,
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Speaker 3: or intently have a conversation. Intently do it. So I
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Speaker 3: agree with everything you said and just do it with intent.
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Speaker 3: And my wife says that, hey, a lot of times
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Speaker 3: with guys, is not where you is that you plan
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Speaker 3: to take her somewhere. So just just remind some intention.
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Speaker 3: And when you invite pretention intention, it will it will
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Speaker 3: help you increase and decrease your distance.
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Speaker 2: They give you the whole answer.
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Speaker 3: You go with that.
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Speaker 2: Yes, that good? All right, thank you for calling and listening.
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Speaker 2: Bye bye, Hey, thank you for calling.
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Speaker 1: You're right on time. It's relationship Talk Thursday. It's Preston
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Speaker 1: thirteen ninety with the Glenns. I know you got a
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Speaker 1: good question for us this morning.
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Speaker 3: Hi, Yeah, I do. How you going? God?
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Speaker 2: Thank you for calling.
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Speaker 1: My question for the how do you reconnect with your
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Speaker 1: partner and the relationship after hurt or betrayal?
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Speaker 2: Okay, thank you a great, great question.
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Speaker 3: I mean, to love is to forgive. You cannot say
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Speaker 3: you want to love if you cannot forgive. So I
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Speaker 3: think first you make a decision, because forgiveness is a
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Speaker 3: choice and love is a choice. Love is a decision,
12:55
Speaker 3: forgiveness is a decision. So first you start by making
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Speaker 3: the decision to love and to forge give, and then
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Speaker 3: you do the work of rekindling or reconnecting after the
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Speaker 3: betrayal by acknowledging. I mean, I don't think forgiveness is
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Speaker 3: ignoring the betrayal or the hurt, but right you acknowledge
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Speaker 3: this hurt me, this is how it made me feel,
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Speaker 3: this is what I heard, This is how I felt
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Speaker 3: when you did X, Y Z, or when this happened.
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Speaker 3: And you deal with it through truth and honesty and love.
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Speaker 3: But you don't make that contingent upon if they asks
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Speaker 3: or if you feel like they worthy. In order to
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Speaker 3: forgive or to love love. You cannot love without forgiveness,
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Speaker 3: and forgiveness and love are both a choice. And so
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Speaker 3: once you do that, you put in parameters in place,
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Speaker 3: you be honest, You put things in place, and then
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Speaker 3: you start to rebuild what was torn down on what
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Speaker 3: was broken.
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Speaker 4: Yeah, I think another thing, like you said, the accountability
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Speaker 4: based upon whatever it was.
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Speaker 2: So the person.
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Speaker 4: Who offended, the person who hurt you're the person you
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Speaker 4: know that hurt your partner. You have to be okay
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Speaker 4: for a while with them just being on you. And
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Speaker 4: you gotta be okay with that, right, you gotta be
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Speaker 4: okay with that, Like if it's infidelity, you gotta be
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Speaker 4: okay with them having your location and you gotta be
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Speaker 4: okay with them call and be like, hey, you you
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Speaker 4: at Mario's.
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Speaker 2: Make sure that you bring me some such and such.
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Speaker 4: You can't be like, oh, they trying to figure out, Like, no,
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Speaker 4: you put yourself in this position, and if you want
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Speaker 4: to make sure that you can regain that intimacy and
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Speaker 4: regain that trust, then there's some things that you have
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Speaker 4: to do now the person that is the person who's
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Speaker 4: who has to on the other side of it. You
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Speaker 4: can't be crazy with this. You there are some parameters
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Speaker 4: that they're gonna have to do. Yes, but you can't
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Speaker 4: be crazy with this, and you can't be on them
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Speaker 4: with all of this kind of stuff. But you do
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Speaker 4: need your trust to be built back, and you do
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Speaker 4: need to be honest with them that that made me,
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Speaker 4: that triggered a little bit when you did such and such.
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Speaker 4: And I think that open communication is what helps the
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Speaker 4: reconnection of how I'm feeling, how is how is how
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Speaker 4: it's handling me?
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Speaker 2: What is doing to me?
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Speaker 4: And that's all going to be wrapped in your recommitment
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Speaker 4: and your emotional connection.
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Speaker 3: Once again, that's good, do the work.
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Speaker 2: I think that answered your question right more than enough. Right,
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Speaker 2: Thank you so much for sure, sciate you Inspiration thirteen ninety.
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Speaker 2: I cannot believe we almost wrap this thing up. Relationship
15:19
Speaker 2: Talk Thursday.
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Speaker 1: It's Sonya with Faster to Vote and the Fast of Erica.
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Speaker 1: And it's been a great conversation, a deep conversation. We're
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Speaker 1: talking about rebuilding connection after disconnection. I was asking off air,
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Speaker 1: is intimacy Is that the hardest part when it comes
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Speaker 1: to rebuilding after disconnection?
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Speaker 3: I think so, because I think it's the hardest part
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Speaker 3: to build because there's a lot of couples that have
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Speaker 3: intensity but don't have intimacy. Because intimacy is into me,
15:47
Speaker 3: you see, it's vulnderability, it's I can give you. We
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Speaker 3: always say it's easier for people to get naked than
15:57
Speaker 3: it is to be naked, right, So people can take
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Speaker 3: off theirs and never really be naked. They can never
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Speaker 3: really be naked in the sense of naked and not
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Speaker 3: a shame, strip down Vonderbolt intimacy, mirror transparent, Vanderbolt weak,
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Speaker 3: show you my week, show you my pain points. I
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Speaker 3: can give you my body, my physical connection. Sex doesn't
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Speaker 3: necessarily intimate enter translate into intimacy. And so I think
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Speaker 3: it's the hardest to rebuild because it's the hardest to
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Speaker 3: build because there's a lot of couples that we find
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Speaker 3: that have no intimacy, sex but no intimacy, children but
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Speaker 3: no intimacy, same bills, no intimacy, share last name, no intimacy,
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Speaker 3: years in the game, no intimacy, own a house, no intimacy.
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Speaker 3: I don't know you. I don't know you, but I'm
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Speaker 3: with you. And so intimacy is something that both people
16:52
Speaker 3: have to be willing to give and let down their
16:57
Speaker 3: guards and understand not only who I am, but how
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Speaker 3: I got Like right.
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Speaker 4: That part, That's what I was going to say, it's
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Speaker 4: the part. It's the part of me that you were
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Speaker 4: not a part.
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Speaker 3: Of, the part of me.
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Speaker 4: It's a part of me that you were not a
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Speaker 4: part of. It's the stuff that makes me who I am.
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Speaker 4: It's the stuff that makes me think the way that
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Speaker 4: I do and look at certain things. The way that
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Speaker 4: I do, and you weren't there for that. And so
17:23
Speaker 4: because you weren't there for that, it's my and I
17:26
Speaker 4: showed up this. I've showed up as all of me,
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Speaker 4: as my adult self for wherever I am in this relationship.
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Speaker 4: But you don't know the stuff that got me here.
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Speaker 4: You don't know what that was. And I think some
17:38
Speaker 4: people don't even want the time that it called that
17:41
Speaker 4: is needed for it. And I think some people don't
17:43
Speaker 4: want you to give it because they don't want to
17:45
Speaker 4: give that. Because if I'm telling you about my childhood traumas,
17:49
Speaker 4: and I'm telling you about my teenage years, and I'm
17:51
Speaker 4: telling you about my deepest tarket, yeah, who I loved
17:55
Speaker 4: before I met you? Can you handle that conversation? And
17:58
Speaker 4: it's like all of the stuff that makes me who
18:00
Speaker 4: I am that you only see a glimpse of. Do
18:03
Speaker 4: you really want to know that person? Do you really
18:06
Speaker 4: want to know the stuff that maybe my mama and
18:08
Speaker 4: my daddy don't know? But if I'm married to you
18:11
Speaker 4: and we're in covenant and we're making we're building lives together,
18:16
Speaker 4: can you handle all of me? Can you handle everything
18:20
Speaker 4: that I have been through? Because I believe every human
18:24
Speaker 4: being on this earth wants to be known in a way,
18:29
Speaker 4: to be known in a way that only really one
18:31
Speaker 4: person really knows you, and it's you might have given
18:35
Speaker 4: glimpses to other people, but no one houses everything about you.
18:40
Speaker 2: And I think that is true and intimacy.
18:45
Speaker 3: So then if you do the work to build that
18:47
Speaker 3: and then lose that, right, rebuilding it is work on
18:52
Speaker 3: top of work. So if you do the work to
18:55
Speaker 3: create intimacy, it'll make you think about not losing it
18:58
Speaker 3: before you lose. That's like, this took a lot of
19:01
Speaker 3: work get here.
19:01
Speaker 2: I am wow.
19:02
Speaker 3: I don't even know if I want to try to.
19:03
Speaker 3: I don't even know if I have it in me
19:05
Speaker 3: to rebuild it, because it took so much to build it.
19:08
Speaker 3: So that's a safeguard. It'll protect you by itself. It's
19:11
Speaker 3: not you know. I don't even want to violate my
19:14
Speaker 3: covenant in that way. I don't want anything to happen
19:17
Speaker 3: in that manner because it took so much to have.
19:19
Speaker 3: What we have is so special. There's nobody else on
19:22
Speaker 3: earth that know me the way you know me. Nobody
19:23
Speaker 3: know what I think before I think. Nobody can look
19:26
Speaker 3: across the room and see it and already know where
19:28
Speaker 3: I'm leading with that. So therefore that's a sacredness that
19:32
Speaker 3: I'm protecting that I don't want to lose it. And
19:34
Speaker 3: if I lose it, oh God, please let me rebuild it,
19:37
Speaker 3: because I don't have the energy at a time to
19:39
Speaker 3: get at to somebody else.
19:41
Speaker 1: I'm so glad we're getting both prospectives. Here is cost
19:44
Speaker 1: per healthy conversation.
19:45
Speaker 3: We just gonna keep coming back here, just keep coming
19:48
Speaker 3: back to thirteen ninety Musical Power and Praise Inspiration thirteen
19:51
Speaker 3: ninety with you know Sonya Blake and you will find
19:55
Speaker 3: us on yourmown Glenn dot com. Come see It's a
19:58
Speaker 3: New Life seven thirty nine thirty twelve thirty on Sunday, sundaytime.
20:02
Speaker 3: It's on Marriage Monday. We got Marriage Monday podcasts on
20:05
Speaker 3: all our platforms. Get a book. We're just out here
20:07
Speaker 3: trying to give information an impartation for healthy relationships, healthy marriages.
20:12
Speaker 3: Check me out on the YouTube. You can see this
20:14
Speaker 3: episode again and again. Send us some questions. Hey, we're
20:17
Speaker 3: not out here hiing. We're trying to make sure that
20:20
Speaker 3: you can get to us so we can get to you.
20:21
Speaker 3: So Chicago, Yeah, that's us healthy healthy marriages, and healthy
20:26
Speaker 3: relationships